#hashtag save akaashi keiji from his idiot friends 2k22

[emmyrosee]

EMMY YES UNCLE HCS ARE JUST AS GOOD AS DAD HC OMG U OPENED MY EYES TO A WHOLE NEW WORLD 🤯🥴🤩

Uncke Bokuto is just an absolute disaster, yes yes yes!!!!! He loves and care for baby Akaashi so much, but he also is teaching a clumsy toddler who just learned to walk how to do a cartwheel, and i bet it ended with both bokuto and baby girl akaashi having matching arm casts 😭😭

but you know what?!? it gets even worse for Keiji when he asks someone else to babysit. if uncle Bokuto is a chaotic disaster that leaves Keiji to immediately try to undo all the mess, uncle Konoha is much, much, much worse.

Konoha is an enabler. what baby girl wants baby girl gets. and sometimes she wants the most absurd things in the world because shes five!!! oh, and he will fight and bully others for her, teaching her how to get back at the mean kids and now Keiji is having a super awkward time at the PAT meetings.

but the worst of it all, is how he uses his babysitting hours to flirt. he takes Baby Akaashi to the park after reharsing with her what shes supposed to say to make him look good in front of the hot milfs pretty ladys, who all swoon over this very very charming man that is also so good with kids!! a caring & lovable uncle, really!!!

and then later that night Keiji is left to answer the most god-awful questions that formed in his sweet and innocence baby's mind, after she accidentally heard it (an unawared) uncle Konoha say it to one of the pretty ladies

oh. wait. i got carried away i'm sorry sjdheknshe

UNCLE KONOHA NEEDS TO MARRY ME LIKE. YESTERDAY-

Wait. Okay. Pause.

Bokuto and baby kaashi having matching casts is absolutely precious, Bokuto feels so bad about it because his poor little pseudo-niece got hurt because of him, and keiji wants to absolutely maul him with everything he has, but it’s hard to be full of rage when Mei comes up to him with a smile and eagerly asks him to sign her cast.

But uncle kONOHA??? MENACE.

It’s bad enough he cannot say no to Mei, honestly it’s his weakness. She’s got Keiji’s eyes and the cutest little curls, she was made to make Konoha cave, and she knows that.

Popsicles? Okay, one more. Baggie of chips? With dinner. Box of pocky? Only if she shares with him. And when Mei gets home and upchucks all of those treats, and she’s crying and whining because she doesn’t feel good, Keiji promises he’s never going to let Konoha even look at Mei again.

“No. I’m putting my foot down-“

“Babe, he’s free. And as crooked as it is, he does love her, and he’ll keep her safe.”

Except. Even that’s debatable.

Because Konoha knows his pseudo-niece is precious, and he knows that she catches the eye of every mom in the park. The way she eagerly tugs his hand to get to the swings, the pout she gives him to go down the slide with her, even the way her blue eyes glimmer with tears when she trips and falls in the wood chips, but giggles when he gives her a loud “KABOOM!” to make her feel better.

“You’re so good with her,” one of the mom’s coo when he sits down with Mei, her cheeks flushed as she gulps down a juice box. He can very clearly see her looking for a ring on his finger, and he knows he’s got this mom right where he wants her.

“Thanks,” he chuckles. He buries his nose in Mei’s hair affectionately, “mommy and daddy went to work today, huh munchkin?”

“Uh-huh!” She says to the nice lady, “n Uncle Ko takes care of me when they do!”

She’s definitely getting an ice cream cone for that.

“Well I’m so glad he does!” The mom coos, ruffling her dark hair, and all Konoha can do is pray Mei doesn’t tell her dad that a stranger touched her. Then, her gaze turns flirtatious back to Konoha, “is there an aunt who takes care of her as well?”

And the day goes on; Mei gets whatever ice cream she wants when the lady leaves, and she gets smothered in kisses for being such a good lil’ actress girl at the park, and a few hours later when an exhausted Keiji comes home, he smiles when Mei runs with open arms to her dad.

“Daddy! Daddy!” She squeals, giggling as Keiji lifts her up. “Uncle Ko’ took me to the park today!”

“Is that right?” He hums, kissing her cheek. Sharp blue eyes flick to the dirty blonde, “he better have used sunscreen.”

“No, it smells icky!” She says, pulling a face. Konoha blanched, and Keiji sterns his gaze. So much for keeping secrets. “Hey, squirt, maybe we should-“

“What else did you do today, Mei?”

“We met a nice lady at the park, ‘n uncle Ko bought her a’ ice cream ‘n she said she’d give him a number ‘n said that they should have a play date together- do you go on play dates, too, daddy?”

The vein in Keiji’s head pops out. Konoha swallows.

“Only with mommy,” he snarls. He sighs as he plants Mei back on her feet, “why don’t you go play in the living room, princess?” Eagerly, Mei runs into the living room, and Konoha gives Keiji a smile.

“So… I’m going to head out-“

“You got a woman’s number?” Keiji growls, and Konoha raises his hands in defense. “Hey, to be fair, I didn’t know she heard-“

“You used my child for flirting purposes?” He says with furrowed brows. “You pimped my baby out for a date?”

“Well when you say it like that-“

“You are so fuckin’ lucky my wife and kid like you,” he growls, shrugging off his coat. Then, he takes a deep breath to calm himself down, he doesn’t like fighting when Mei’s around. “I don’t have the energy for you, I have to talk to my child; and for the love of the gods, please reinforce the idea that talking to strangers is bad.”

Konoha grins and claps keiji on the back, “you got it bud. See you Friday?”

“If I don’t goddamned stroke before then.”

@meloomi WAKE UP BABE, NEW UNCLE HEAD CANONS DROPPED-

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