#guess what my obsession is right now

[sonknuxadow]

theres multiple reasons i dont like s/urgeamy but one of the things ive seen people do with it that annoys me a bit is the idea that surge and kit are going to become good because surge is gonna fall in love with amy and thats gonna be her only motivation to change.. and im sorry but am i the only one who thinks it would suck so bad for such fun antagonists to instantly switch sides just because one of them was "fixed" by romance and no other reason

#that is not an appealing storyline to me at least not for something like sonic where i dont wanna see canon romance #i DO think it could be interesting if amy being nice to surge and kit is gonna somehow be the start of a redemption arc for them #but not in a romantic way . not in an instant ''well i guess i have to switch sides now because i have a crush on sonics friend'' way #and ive seen some people assume that surge and kit are actually being serious when they come to the restoration as if theyve changed #i definitely dont think this is the case i dont think theyre good guys now #at least not yet it is possible they could calm down one day. but i dont think thats whats going on right now #i dont get why people are so obsessed with shipping amy with everyone anyway #shes just a little guy she should be doing average middle school aged girl activities like playing neopets or whatever #not entering serious romantic relationships . come on #especially considering most of her friends are a bit older than her #also the constant ''haha surge stole sonics girlfriend'' posts are getting on my nerves too #like my reasons for not liking the ship + the fact that the joke has already been made a million times aside. #it just always annoys me seeing amy be reduced to sonics girlfriend when theyre not even dating

[sparring-spirals]

i just love it when characters Say Things. u kno. just a real sucker for characters. Saying Shit.

Imogen saying "She's not any person. She was special. She was chosen." (Chosen, once, twice, thrice, for an early end). Ashton saying "Do I look like a person who doesn't know that?" (That things often have unsatisfying ends). F.C.G saying: "It seems kind of hard." (being alive, finding purpose). Orym saying "It always mattered." (F.C.G's life, what they chose to do with it, them). Ashton saying "I have had a lifetime, of bad hits." (Hits, and falls, and losses, that I am weathering. But I am telling you where I am drawing my lines, here and now.) Imogen saying "Laudna, you're safe!" (we chased off the shadows, you're not alone, you're safe, we're here).

F.C.G saying: "Well, I have to live."

Ashton saying: "Unfortunate, but true."

im just. such a fan of characters saying things, all the time, about all kinds of things, with all kinds of meanings. God i just. love it. when characters say shit. u feel me.

#this post brought to you by theres so many things from the last ep that are so good and so many Specific Lines to make me go feral #god characters are just out here Saying Things and i am. cheering wildly in a distant room. #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e36 #quote #bell's hells #orogorgorogoghghrhfhhr #spar speaks #ive got asks in my inbox and stuff to reblog but ive just got like 6 conversations on loop in my head #there isnt really a theme in this post sorry im just obsessed with SO many convos in this ep #anyway cheers ill get to the asks soon. probably. maybe. #character meta #??? very vaguely i GUESS #my meta #what a CRUNCHY episode #anyway if i were to make a nonexhaustive list of things im chewing on: #- bells hells (the therapist group) diving into a nightmare scape to confront and fight laudnas personal demons (see last meta) #- fcg is alive and has to live for themself now and thats Scary And Hard And Kind Of Sucks (ur so right king) but it MATTERS #- imogen darling how u doin #- ashton and his approach to powerful people and their own shifting worldview #- chetney grabbing pate and the tools off the table #- orym bud how u doin #- fearne... fearne i think youre okay rn. maybe. i think you miss laudna tho which Me Too #- LAUDNA ARE YOU OKAY #narrative meta

[lunarharp]

qifrey's birthday and silly stuff

#witch hat tag #orufrey #excerpt is from my 30k failing eye fic (link in pinned) which has a birthday scene. i revisited and edited it again and it is now 30k :) #kerplunk thing is because of a mysterious game that shirahama has drawn orufrey playing before and to me it looks like Kerplunk. #a kids' game from this 'Real World' which we live in. card game is Cheat from neopets. but it's a real game. i want to play it for real.... #you lie and cheat in it..hence the name..and 'branston the eyrie you are a bold one' classic neopets tumblr post...no....ok then..... #'hey qif i know we're obsessed with witches' kerplunk but we used to play cheat all the time what happened to that??' #'oh. i just..don't like lying to you. i don't like how it feels.' 'oh haha i guess that's a good thing. ok let's play kerplunk instead ^_^' #'mm. *dying inside crying in the rain in my soul*' #i dislike trying to illustrate my writing. i resent myself for having described oru's captivating mysterious smile so perfectly #i can't draw that. i know what it looks like perfectly in my mind and i am right there on that roof but i can't draw it satisfyingly enough #writing comes from a different part of my brain. there's different things in there. i'm glad i wrote out some of what i can't draw. #then there are things that i don't write or draw but which are still a crucial ongoing facet of my orufrey mindscape. #the Written orufrey the Drawn orufrey and the Unspoken orufrey... three faces of a beautiful irreplaceable jewel in my heart... #could a depressed person do THAT.

[coquelicoq]

Natsume: You didn't sleep a wink last night. Why not go and grab a few now? Natori [sparkling]: I'm just fine. It takes more than sleep deprivation to dull my dazzling self, so don't you worry your fussy little head. Natsume [concerned]: Nonsense like that is exactly what someone suffering from sleep deprivation would say! Sensei: Oh really? Has he been sleep-deprived every day of his life?

so i've been watching the natsume dub -

#sensei referring to matoba as the 'pirate-princess-tightrope-walker'????? PLSSSS #sensei to natsume about matoba: your wussy little punches won't do jack #also yes sensei he probably has been sleep-deprived every day of his life. this man is a dumpster fire #thanks to qserasera (thank you qserasera!!!) i've been revisiting the natori and matoba episodes #i had started a rewatch earlier this year but got sidetracked early in season 2 so i'm picking up from there #so to refresh my memory i read through the episode summaries i had written for season 1/early season 2 #and got SO EMOTIONAL??? just from reading the summaries? what the fuck??? #me earlier today: i can't reread le petit prince right now because my heart can't take it #also me: tra la la let's see what natsume is going to do to pulverize my soul into powder today #natsume's book of friends #natsume yuujinchou #natori shuuichi #my posts #anyway i probably would never have tried the dub except that someone put some clips of english dub matoba on here #and i was OBSESSED with the voice acting??? #i'm so glad i decided to try it because so many of the line readings are just delightful #natsume and sensei's bickering especially #i don't love madara's youkai voice. and i like the japanese voice playing touko a lot better than the english voice #but it's nice to be able to listen and like do the dishes at the same time! i love subs but you can't really multitask #i guess since this is the dub i should be calling him master not sensei but i'm too used to sensei #i must say though that i'm really enjoying natsume calling him 'master kitty cat' in full earnestness #i don't speak japanese so i wasn't getting the full effect from 'nyanko-sensei' #i get now why tanuma was so embarrassed

[romanticwealth]

I swear to God if anything bad happens to Eddie I’m going to explode into like millions of pieces

#mentally unstable #welcome home #eddie dear #guess what my new obsession is right now #istg NOTHING BAD HAPPEN TO HIM.. #god i love this guy #this is my new obsession right now omfg

[simcardiac-arrested]

do you think wayback would be a dom to ns' subconscious sub. i think that if ns experienced being a sub he would begrudgingly like it

#this is literally killing me from the inside i want to say you’re wrong but i would be lying #You are doing some ipad baby shit to me rn with this ask it feels like it is melting my brain through the blue light #like srsly the worst part is you’re not even wrong …. :/ What can i say #he’s constantly obsessed with doing things his way and keeping everything in control but i think letting go for once would be good for him #ur right he would like it🤷‍♂️ U are winning the court case against me right now #cramswering #im not sure if wayback would be a straight up dom too but i guess he would enjoy having control for once🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ #MAN SHRUGGING EMOJI #everyone’s gonna come into my dms like omg cream what are you posting right nowwww IM SORRY IF IT MAKES SENSE CHARACTER WISE IT’S NOT MY #FAULT

[thatoneluckybee]

Tylenol 2k are you proud :)

I love y'all and you guys infuriate me to no end

#WHY!? WHY ARE YALL LIKE THIS (girl who is also Like This) #Asks #quintessential-candles #Sorry I have been inactive chat I have had schoolwork and have been. I restarted a webcomic I dropped a few episodes in and I'm obsessed #It got a LOT better and my camera roll is just full of screenshots #I have no self control I am rereading specific arcs solely to see the two (2) characters I'm being abnormal over right now #Hey Candles guess what there's a catboy (on a technicality) and I'm being very normal about him #And silly fish girl

[swordmaid]

I forgot where I read it probably from some handbook but iirc drow hair is one of their symbols of beauty and to cut off someone’s hair is a way to punish and humiliate them. don’t really know if that’s an actual thing - BUT now I am thinking of shri’iia having longer hair throughout act 1 until she becomes an oathbreaker. it is only when she accepts her status as an oathbreaker that she cuts it to the bisexual bob that she usually has <3

#shri’iia is like reverse jaime to me where his hair gets significantly longer throughout the series (in my hc) #but her hair remains short .. like act 1 is her asos era ok ? #also jaime becoming kingslayer (oathbreaker) bc he did what was right instead of following what he was supposed to follow #and shri’iia doing the same thing … failing to follow the tenets of lolth’s paladin (aka being a general menace to everyone) and she did #what she thought was right (followed the group’s consensus / killed minty in a way that she thought she would be praised for #but then she was shamed for it and also indirectly saving the tieflings in the process) #but unlike jaime he is not a girlfail 💔 #he did what was right and got judged for it 💔 #and shri’iia did what she thought was right but then she gets shamed and forsaken for it … fell out of lolth’s favor #wait now I’m obsessed with shri’iia and the ‘how can such a night be so beautiful? why would the stars look down on such as me?’ line #shri’iia who is slowly falling in love with the vastness and openness of the sky .. something that is so new and foreign to her … but she #has fallen out of the spider favor…. deemed a stain and a source of shame .. she is now worth nothing .. doesn’t even deserve to look at #the stars - something that is not hers to view to begin with since she is not from the surface … hrk hHRK. hrk. gagging. #when I say that shri’iia’s sense of self / self esteem is low.. it’s fucking low … like it has a shovel and it’s digging low .. #100+ years of isolation and toxic codependent relationship where her self worth amounted to whatever she could do for her matriarch will do #that to u I guess …

[sammygender]

thinking about how one of the last things john ever tells dean is an admittance that the way he treated him was fucked. & of course this destroys dean and makes it so much harder for him to come to terms w his death right after and with his childhood in general bc he’s spent his entire life chasing after johns approval. he’s spent his entire life telling himself that the way he was treated was okay and justified and that their childhood was good because he could handle it and he was strong enough and that was how it had to be. he’s worshipped john as a hero and seen nothing wrong with any of it. because he’s had to. his entire life is built around this idea there’s nothing else. he’s his dads perfect soldier and punching bag and wife-replacement and suddenly his dads gone & he said he’s sorry and that he shouldn’t have treated dean that way. what the hell is he supposed to do now.

#augh. i don’t know i haven’t seen enough of this show yet but. #thinking about that episode with the abused kid who has psychic powers like sams and sam sees himslef in the kid a lot #but is horrified by the extent of the abuse and keeps saying like. Dean i never thought i’d say this but you’re right dad was pretty good i #guess we were really lucky to have him. it could’ve turned out a very different way. #and deans just like. idk there’s something about his face. like he wants to agree cause this is what he’s always saying but he Cant. #because. well. sams thinking about this kid with circumstances so similar to him who ended up entirely victimised by his father and #thinking Wow i had something that kid didn’t. i had MY dad who was so much better after all (despite kicking me out of the house and #always refusing to support me but wtv) #but really the thing sam had was DEAN. #dean as sam’s protector and john’s golden child and the adult of the family. dean as the person #john winchester comes home to after a hunt the person who tells him it’s okay #dean playing the part of his dead mom and still shielding sammy from the worst of their father and as a result internalising that this was #fine. #what the hell is he going to do now that his fathers dead? after his fathers dead and wrong and theoretically morally weak and admitted hed #raised dean badly? #IDK!!! i’m sure excited to see him continue to break down though #(have just finished s2e2 for future me ref) #supernatural #<- Sorry guys i’m batshit obsessed. #father by the front bottoms dean song of all time #spn #oliver talks

[widevibratobitch]

.

#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa #something is Wrong lol #i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡 #and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches #all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now #but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit #and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on #to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back #like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend #i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect #i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back #but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms #or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations #or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings #or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af #because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff #im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility #i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn #but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself #and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc #i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself #and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it #i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do #i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it #and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person #<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation #of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡 #like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT

[running-in-the-dark]

a super fun thing that my brain is really good at is hearing a random fact and remembering it forever. but only if it's bad :)

#the reason I'm thinking about that right now: I wish I had never read that having a crease on your earlobe means you're more likely to have #heart disease. #scared me so much that I read a whole paper about it #but it's been years now so I don't remember the details #just that that's a thing apparently #and guess what my brain does with that information? oh yeah of course I have to obsessively look at the ears of everyone now! does that #do anything helpful? nope! just makes me very very anxious :) #it's just like when I was a kid and I got nightmares about scurvy every time I didn't eat a potato for a week. #like. wow I could be so smart and everything if my brain wasn't constantly focused on random bullshit that is completely irrelevant 😭 #also this thing specifically: I've always been weirdly fascinated by ears and this made that a million times worse and also very scary. #like ooh that's a nice ear :) oh no death exists and this person is going to die and #yeah it sucks. #specifically choosing not to mention any names in this context because my god this shit is on my mind all the time already I really don't #need to say it where anyone can see #it's embarrassing enough #though anyone who has looked at my blog in the past month already knows who I'm talking about. #like. I really shouldn't allow myself to like anyone over the age of like. idk 45. #it's so unbelievably exhausting. #but annnyway I'm totally normal and fine :) #oh yeah I also have creases on my earlobes lol so that definitely added to the scariness (and THEN my mother randomly mentioned recently #that EVERYONE on her side of the family had/has heart disease. bitch WHAT the fuck. anyway so yeah guess we know what's gonna kill me #haha isn't that fun :) ) #ALSO the fact that my memory is very very bad means that I remember absolutely none of the details about shit like this. so it could very #well be completely irrelevant and harmless but i wouldn't remember that part. #and I think even if I found out more it wouldn't help. it's been an obsession for so long. I've never had one go away that I've had for #this long. so. guess I'm just fucked. #personal

[theaggresivepacifist]

luthen, andor, and rogue one

The doom has finally come upon me, I care about a piece of Star Wars media (everyone who’s here for Stranger/SF, forgive me and avert your eyes from the spectacle that’s about to follow, unless you too share my obsession with the above topics)

We have to wait until 2024 apparently so please excuse me while I scream into the void about LUTHEN in the context of Rogue One - 

- or more specifically his ghost, how Cassian becomes for Jyn Erso what Luthen is right now for him, because I’m obsessed. (Forgive any minor inaccuracies as, as I say, I have never really paid attention to Star Wars much before now, other than when Rogue One initially came out.)

We know that by the end of Andor S2, everything will have to have gone to absolute hell for the Rebellion and specifically Mon Mothma, who is forced to go fully into hiding with the Rebellion, and Saw Gerrera, who is badly injured and breaks away from the mainline Rebellion. There are apparently canonical reasons for that that are way too far over my head right now, but what interests me is that Luthen Rael, “Axis,” the master of the Rebellion’s spy network, one of its key strategists and financiers, who brought in the man who helps to ultimately secure the Death Star plans and turn the tide of war, is gone by the time we make it to Rogue One/the end of Andor. I can only assume, based on the foreshadowing we’ve seen so far, that he’s dead (more on that later). 

Now enter Jyn in Rogue One. Like Cassian at the start of Andor S1, the Empire has separated her from her family. She too has been in the Empire’s prisons and what appear to be some kind of labor/mining camps. She’s been a child soldier, like Cassian in “the mud at Mimban.” She’s still hoping to be reunited with her father, just as Cassian is looking for his sister. She’s so beaten down that at this point, all she cares about survival, not rebellion. Sound familiar? And just as Luthen does for him in Andor S1, Cassian is the one who encourages her to take this war seriously, “to fight these bastards for real.” He becomes her handler, as Luthen is his, and works with her as she discovers her own reasons for wanting to fight the Empire. 

And Cassian, from the first moment we see him in Rogue One, is the one making all of the horrible, messy, secret choices and sacrifices necessary to keep the rebellion going - killing his injured comrade rather than letting him be captured, using Jyn to get him to her father so that he can (unbeknownst to her) take him out. The kind of vicious, tragic decisions that Luthen had to make, or felt he had to - his “I’m damned for what I do,” Cassian’s “We’ve all done things we’re not proud of in the name of this rebellion.” Cassian knows about and has some kind of precarious dealings with Saw Gerrera - who was Luthen’s contact, as well as Jyn’s guardian, and now Luthen is gone. And as many people have already pointed out, Cassian and Jyn end up dying in the very goddamn poetic sunrise Luthen said he burns his own life for, and will never see. ARGH

In closing, a few theories on what might have happened to Luthen based on what we’ve seen so far, because I live for the angst and GOD I NEED TO KNOW:

1) Mon Mothma betrays Luthen to the Empire for some reason in the name of the greater good of the Rebellion, cementing what we already saw at the end of S1 re: her daughter – she’s beginning to take initiative in making ugly sacrifices for the cause.

2) Luthen dies for Cassian in some way, whether that’s protecting him or allowing Cassian to kill him, cementing his growing sentimentalism/that he’s tired of hiding and sacrificing love and connection, and wants to be a more humane person – to make the Rebellion more humane.

3) Luthen dies in some kind of fallout with Saw Gerrera, cementing the tensions there and the break with the main Rebellion. (Also, if this is not the case – the fact that Saw outlives Luthen is so ironic given what we know about them so far, how isolated Saw is and how central and well-connected Luthen is, and I wonder if that influenced Saw’s decision to leave the Rebellion. That would especially be true if Mon Mothma or someone else sold out Luthen.)

4) I doubt it, but Luthen betrays the cause because he’s tired of sacrifice, and either disappears or gets taken out by Mon Mothma, Cinta, etc., or Cassian (also would cement Cassian’s growing coldness and allegiance to the cause that we see in Rogue One, when he kills his own injured operative).  

He could also just die in some tragic random way, which wouldn’t fulfill a narrative arc but would speak to the cost of war, and how even the greatest among the great can be brought down by chance, by a single cog in the machine, even by someone who’s just scared or following orders or unaware of what they’re doing. The show certainly has killed off a lot of its compelling characters quickly so far. There’s also potential for the arrestor cruiser incident to come back to bite him, because that was extraordinarily close and showy by Luthen’s standards, but that seems like too much of a stretch.

Anyways, I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST WROTE 900 WORDS ON THIS and am so mad we won’t have closure until end of 2024, ow. 

#the mouse corporation (god damn it) yet again coming for my throat with aging morally grey side characters in capes and fingerless gloves #(shoutout to captain barbossa; i guess Luthen is kind of the equivalent of a space pirate. Also works with treasure) #and btw I've seen people observe this on ao3 but sidenote Luthen and Saw have ABSOLUTELY fucked #their conversation post-Aldhani heist is very much two exes trying to be normal with each other so we can continue this rebellion energy #(in my opinion) #also poor cassian continuing to watch everyone around him die or get hurt or captured or uprooted because of him #i can only assume #anyways watch out for fic because the obsession is that bad right now #andor #rogue one #luthen #luthen rael #cassian andor #jyn erso #star wars #also oh my god where is kleya??? if luthen is gone where is kleya??? i hope she lives #sells off a bunch of antiques after the war's over and retires to a nice sunny planet somewhere #and finally: IS LUTHEN A JEDI??? I welcome all thoughts #first of all there's the weird-looking weapon Saw's guards took from him #and second and more compelling his language of 'i'm damned for what i do' is very strong and implies some kind of spiritual belief? #his list of his own negative qualities and the way he describes himself as a coward also seems very much like an ex-jedi's self reproach #but then again I like the thought of him being a regular person and also where is the Force use if he is a Jedi #but also if he suddenly unsheathes a lightsaber in whatever final battle he dies in I will SCREAM

[fakestage]

I think (as much as I annoyingly complain and whine about not having a partner) being single this long has been good for me. I'm learning a lot about myself and I'm learning why I was a shit person, and through finding the root of the problem I can kind of... start to heal. I can be nicer to myself so I can grow and get better. Because TBH.. being mean and cruel to yourself doesn't make you become a better person. It just makes you believe that thats what you /are,/ and thats what you /always will be,/ as opposed to realizing that you are a product of your circumstances but that does not mean you can't get better and become a better person. Accepting help and trying to get better so you can eventually love yourself – even if no one else does – is the greatest and loveliest thing you can do for yourself. You deserve that love, you exist and you live and you feel and that is a truly beautiful gift.

#uhm well anyway I hope everyone finds people and a place where they feel safe and loved #I'm feeling really emotional sorryy #basically. tldr; found the problem! trying to get better now through loving myself instead of hating myself #its been really hard. its going to be really hard. I feel like ive barely made any progress #I wish I had a therapist to talk about this stuff with. but I dont. #btw the uh root problem: finding out my mother was actually hugely abusive & I already knew my dad was #so basically ive been having to confront the fact that Ive been living a lie and my mother is actually deeply terrible as much as my dad #and my parents should have never had children & ive never had one single decent adult in my life #so basically uhm yea lol. I was born into dysfunction. I was never going to turn oit normal or okay. #so its been hard to like. figure all that out alone. learning I have ptsd and extreme ocd + dissociation because of them hasnt been easy #its made me so deeply miserable because I guess I assumed what my mom was doing to us was normal this whole time? #because I thought no. surely not. surely i cant have TWO terrible parents. I need at least 1 good one right? #but yea no actually every adult has hurt me in some way. and I was never going to turn out alright because #I am the king of obsessing and cycling over everything in my life #Im like. not okay right now but not being im in danger just because I wish I had someone to talk to about all this. #I just need to learn to drive so I can get out of here. I need to get out like #all these realizations have been really really heavy on me and ive been having trouble sleeping #Its been hard to process and I dont really know where to go from here. I guess I cant properly heal and grow until I move out? #idk this has been really long im so sorry. #vent #tw vent #tws -> #abuse ment #parents ment #<- in tags

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

I dont want to count or think about how many times I have watched s1 of v*ltron this year

#emotional support season of tv ok #I can’t believe they made that season of that show just for me personally to feel mental ill over #every time I think I’m over it I rewatch an episode and feel just the obsession in my gut #bc guess what im doing right now? #also i keep just wanting to make the same posts i have alreayd made bc when i watch the episodes i have the same thoughts

[devilsskettle]

anyway this scene is making me insane like this is literally what i’ve been talking about . i think she is so sick of being confined to her role and like having to be the “good one” or something and having people tell her what she should or shouldn’t do, or should or shouldn’t be okay with, and now with what happened in the desert she’s sorted out her priorities and they’re different from what everyone is telling her they should be and yes one of her priorities is her pro bono work but another one is pulling off these elaborate cons with jimmy and actually those two things are not that different to her, it’s a similar kind of challenge/risk/reward situation . and like she can be honest with herself about what she wants without having it compromise any other part of her life . and for both of them now i think a lot of their boundaries have been revealed to be lines drawn in the sand that are very easy to step over, over and over again . so anyway idk what i’m talking about but i get frustrated for her that other people are constantly trying to put her on a pedestal, because sure it’s nice to be admired but what about like her agency and her actual desires and personality and shit like that . anyway i think she should be allowed to be as fucked up and conniving as she wants. as a treat 

#kim wexler #jimmy mcgill #bcs #better call saul #anyway that guy who wouldn't move out of his house for the mesa verde call center told her she did good things for others to feel better #about herself and my friend who i'm watching this with kind of took that at face value and agreed with him #i do not think that's right though! i think even when she's conning people it's with a sense of justice tbh #and like a feeling of productivity and accomplishment that she doesn't get with straightforward corporate success #and after FIVE SEASONS does jimmy not realize that she is ON BOARD with all the antics #she loves that shit. now she doesn't have a reason to feel tension between doing what she wants and having a sense of like professionalism #or whatever. i don't think it's just straight up moral vs immoral i think her moral compass allows sketchy shit #like idk not that she doesn't care about morals but i think her morals are a lot different than other people expect #fucking over howard is acceptable to her because she thinks he's a condescending asshole who needs to get knocked down a peg #and it will help her and jimmy and a bunch of old people get a decent payout . and she can pull off a great little scheme #that is NOT contrary to her morality!! even if it's contrary to conventional morality i guess #i feel like the mistake people make is thinking kim is normal lmao there is something wrong with her and i'm obsessed with it #anyway i'm just saying shit recreationally.

[arialerendeair]

I was curious about the unhinged comments in question (which were awesome) so I actually compared word counts and you came in a mere 754 words shy of the Giving Sanctuary Chapter 21 word count - 9761 words vs 10,515 words.

LOL, I'm glad that you enjoyed my screaming - it was the single best way that I could honor how amazing that particular story is, and that chapter.

I knew that @avelera had been fighting the muse on GS, so I had resolved to write the comment I had been planning in my head for weeks now, because I'd read Chapter 21 so many times that point, that I probably could have recited some of it.

So, I took a note from @foodsies4me's book (who writes comments that regularly make me want to sob) and decided to just... comment on the whole chapter. All of it. Piece by piece, analyzing, commenting, screaming over, all of it. It was a book report and screaming session all in one.

All 6 comments took me the better part of 4.5 hours to write, lol, but it was so worth it. So, so, SO worth it.

(Even more worth it when I found out that we're gonna get some Dream POV from Chapter 21 as a result and I'm gonna fucking die over that.)

#Aria Posts #Giving Sanctuary #Avelera #I have no regrets about my level of screaming #None whatsoever #This is one of those things that I will defend forever #My right to utterly unhinged screaming #I understand not everyone has the energy for that and it's perfectly okay #But I know what it means to me when someone does that #So being able to give that back to another author means the world to me #ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM AS OBSESSED OVER THE FIC AS I AM WITH THIS ONE #You would never guess that I was far more obsessed with CLWM than GS back when they both started #NOW GS OWNS MY HEART AND SOUL #And like I said #No regrets