Conscious Decision
Part 2
July 14th, 1988
Katherine and I made it to the stadium in record time. She told the driver it was an emergency, so he’d speed through red lights that she described as yellow-ish. It was just about four hours until showtime and crowds of fans were already gathered waiting for the gates to open. I couldn’t help but think of the magnitude of this milestone. I knew it meant everything to Michael.
Wembley Stadium. Legendary.
My best friend is a living legend.
“Michael must be so excited.”
“He gets excited for every show. Now, seeing you, that will be the cherry on top.” She announced proudly.
Entering the stadium my nerves began to intensify with each step. Katherine had a few security guards meet us at the entrance. She wanted to ensure our arrival went as smoothly as possible and for that I was grateful. I could hear the distant sound of music, which I assumed to be rehearsals.
Finally, we made it to the end of a ramp that led to the stage. Katherine took my hand squeezing it giving me silent reassurance. When we made it to the stage after walking up undoubtedly the longest ramp known to man, Michael wasn’t there. The only person in sight was Greg Phillinganes, Michael’s keyboard player.
“Katherine! Y/N!” Greg threw his hands in the air rushing over to greet us. “Michael didn’t mention you’d be here today. It’s great to see you!”
“It’s great to see you!” We shared a quick hug. “It’s actually a surprise. He doesn’t know I’m here. Do you by any chance know where he is?”
“Aw! I see. That is so sweet!” He chuckled wiggling his eyebrows. I brought my hand to my face in attempt to hide my red cheeks. “Thy royal highness was whisked away not too long ago for an interview.” Katherine and I shared a look of panic that Greg instantly picked up on.
“I love surprises.” He announced. “I have some free time. I can be of assistance.”
“Really? Greg you’re awesome!”
“Anything for Michael.” He shrugged.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Okay, there he is.” Greg pointed around the corner to a large space where Michael was being interviewed. He was placed in the center of bulky camera and lighting equipment. Michael had the biggest most beautiful smile on his face. I could tell by the twinkle in his eyes he was genuinely enjoying himself. Once I heard Michael’s laugh I was done for. There was no way I could wait any longer.
“Let’s get closer.” I whispered leaving the safety of our hideout. The smirk plastered on Greg’s face led me to believe he could sense my impatience. We found a spot with a lovely view of the back of Michael’s head, so he wouldn’t see us. The interviewer Darryl Dennard, however, noticed our presence almost immediately. I strategically positioned myself behind some equipment to avoid his gaze.
The interview came to an end and both men stood from their seats as chaos erupted around them.
“How lovely that you have your family accompanying you on tour.” Mr. Dennard gestured over to us. Michael slightly peeked over his shoulder seeing Katherine.
“Yes, thankfully, my mother is one of my biggest supporters.” He laughed this time fully turning around to call her over. That’s when he saw me.
“Y/N.” Michael said breathlessly. Delicately placing a hand over his heart. He did that when he was deeply touched. It meant he was about to get emotional.
The space between us rapidly disappearing as we advanced meeting in the middle. He instantly took ahold of me. One hand delicately sliding across the curve of my back and the other resting at the nape of my neck. My arms wrapped around him without skipping a beat.
“You’re here.” He exhaled into my neck.
“I’m here.” We stood in each other’s embrace until the sound of someone clearing their throat seized our attention.
“Hello, I’m Darryl.” He spoke reaching out to shake my hand. “And you must be the incomparable Liberian Girl.” He smiled. “Beautiful! What a vision the two of you are together.”
“No!” Michael quickly interjected slinging his arm around my shoulders. “This is my Y/N- well not- this is- not my- I-“ he took a shaky breath. “I meant, this is Y/N! She’s my best friend. We’ve been inseparable since we were kids.” There was a hint of tension in the air, but Michael nervously laughed it off.
“It’s nice to meet you too.” I responded shaking Darryl’s hand. An uneasy feeling becoming prominent in my chest.
“The best friend of Michael Jackson that’s basically royalty. That’s a to die for role these days. You know, there are millions of people that would love to hear from you! Have you ever considered doing an interview?” He boldly inquired.
“I don’t-“ before I could finish my sentence he added to his earlier statement.
“Oh come on. I just know you have stories to tell.”
“No-“ I was interrupted once again, but this time by Michael.
“Absolutely not. She is off limits.” He said sternly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michael didn’t say a word on the long walk back to his dressing room. Every attempt to make small talk went nowhere. When we arrived at our destination Michael held the door open for us then promptly shut it behind himself.
“Mickey, what’s wrong?” I hoped the use of his childhood nickname would soften him up. It didn’t. I was met with more silence. He shuffled past me taking a seat as far away as possible.
“I’ll be outside.” Katherine exited at lightening speed giving me no time to protest.
I began exploring the room. My gaze landing on a picture of us taped to his vanity mirror. It was taken a seven years ago. I received a letter from the medical school I dreamt of attending. Michael insisted I leave the envelope sealed until my nerves settled. What I didn’t know was he immediately went into party planning mode. It took him two whole days, he got little to no sleep, but he pulled it off. The most amazing surprise party. He truly thought of everything. It was perfect. He was perfect. Michael is perfect. He felt strongly that I should be surrounded by love when I read the life changing news. Michael was confident I had been accepted, so he refused to hold off on the celebration.
“I remember this day.”
“It’s one of my favorites.” Michael finally spoke up. I took the opportunity to take the seat next to him.
“Mine too.” I cautiously continued. “Are you ready to talk about what’s upsetting you?”
“I never thought about the possibility of you turning against me too.” His muttered words laced with sadness.
“I would never turn against you.”
“That’s what they all say.”
“Michael, I’m not them.”
“I know. I just- I have no idea what I would do without you in my life.”
“You’re never going to be without me. I’m always going to be by your side. Nothing and no one could change that.”
“I still can’t believe you’re here.” He shyly took my hand into his. “You’re my favorite person.” He smiled glancing at our intertwined fingers.
“And you’re mine.”
“I love you.” He professed in a way that would appear as a reflex to anyone else but us.
“I love you.”
Michael has heard me utter those three words thousands of times. However, right now he’s looking at me like it’s the first time. We sat there intently staring into each other’s eyes. I could feel his nerves through our connected hands which caused my heartbeat to accelerate. His breath lightly tickled my cheeks as he leaned into me. My eyes fell shut instinctively when I felt his soft fingers graze my jawline.
“I have to go rehearse!” Michael shouted startling me out of my trance. He pushed me away and scrambled to his feet.
“I thought you already rehearsed?”
“No, well-.” He drifted off. I could see him trying to think of a lie. You know, the lights were on, but no one was home. If circumstances were different I’d laugh at what a terrible liar he is. There isn’t a dishonest cell in his entire body. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt taking small steps backward towards the door. “I gotta go!” And just like that he was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michael successfully avoided me for the entire two hours before showtime. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had himself locked away in a closet somewhere. There were no rehearsals. It didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together as yet another crew member ran past us in a panic. No one could find Michael or had any idea where he was. I felt numb. He was hiding because of me. I felt like a fool for being here, but somehow leaving felt more humiliating.
“Relax! My boy is a professional prankster.” Katherine shouted after them laughing. I shook my head, but couldn’t fight the smile forming across my face. It’s frustrating that the mere mention of him shifts my mood.
I could never be angry at him.
I could never hate him.
And before today, I thought I could never be hurt by him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“It’s going to be a great show. Excited?” Katherine asked as she stood beside me. We were watching from backstage so we had a nice view of the stage and crowd.
“Yes. Opening night of five sold out shows.” I smiled genuinely. “Michael must be so proud.”
The lights went down and the roar from the crowd made my entire body vibrate. This is incredible.
As the show went on Katherine and I were enjoying ourselves. I could never get tired of watching Michael perform. It was pure magic. After about an hour into the concert we hear the beginning chords of ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’. Tatiana struts out onto the stage while Michael chases after her. Their playful banter immediately won over the crowd. I had no idea that in a matter of seconds our lives would change forever.
Tatiana stood with her hands on her hips as Michael danced blocking her path. She confidently advanced toward him placing her hands of his chest. Suddenly, she pulled Michael towards her. His voice abruptly cutting off as the music continued.
It seems the universe was full of surprises today. Each surprise designed to break my heart further beyond repair.
Michael and Tatiana kissed.
It was quick but from where I was standing it felt like an eternity.
The concert continued on, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t continue on. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t function. My world came to a painful halt the moment their lips met.
My heart. It wasn’t pumping blood throughout my body anymore. It was just bleeding. It was destroyed and the rest of my body was following quickly behind.
My legs were moving before I could process what was happening.
“Honey?” I hear Katherine’s worried voice calling from behind me.
“I think I should go.”
“What happened to choosing more? Don’t let that change your mind. That out there was not-” she thoughtfully closed her eyes searching for what to say next.
“I think- I think we were wrong.” I sobbed finally releasing all the pain I had bottled up.
We stood in the empty hallway with the faint sound of music booming off the walls. Katherine didn’t ask anymore questions. She didn’t share anymore words of encouragement. She just held me, because she knew that’s the only thing I truly needed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah! Part 2! I had to add some drama please don’t hate me.
Side note: I’m aware that the infamous “kiss” & Darryl Dennard’s interview didn’t take place on this date. I just felt these would be great moments to work it into the story.
As always let me know what you think. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!
Part 3???
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filtered my activity page by mention and realized i'd missed a few posts by my dear mutuals! so i'm going to respond to all right here
first, @doctorbeans ! the prompt was to spell out your name/url with songs
i've done this once with my url, so this time i'll go with my name
R: ripplippling - bird's eye batang
E: ebodance - melo-zed, mary cayenne-elliott
M: marsh warbler - cosmo sheldrake
Y: you mean everything to me - four tracks
next, @beesnutz ! prompt: list 10 songs with names in the titles (these are in order of me finding them, not most to least liked)
1. cerberus - the sweet enoughs
2. laura - errol garner
3. michelle - yusef lateef
4. morpheus - logic system
5. mouhamodou lo and his children - wau wau collectif
6. linda - alberto baldan bembo
7. lazy nina - greg phillinganes
8. lady magnolia - piero umiliani
i couldn't find other songs with a name in the title in any of my liked songs or albums SO you get these two which don't fit the theme but i adore
9. aaj shanibar - rupa
10. 娃哈哈 - 脏手指 (Oh!DirtyFingers) (this links to the music video, which includes big wild cats hunting their prey and biting into their flesh in a few scenes. beware!)
lastly, @plnwos !
last song i listened to: 娃哈哈 - 脏手指 (Oh!DirtyFingers)
currently reading: nothing... but lots is on my list. someday i'll get to them. someday...
currently watching: nothing either. and yet so much i DO want to watch...
current obsession: BOTW/TOTK, if my blog wasn't obvious enough, heh :-9
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Eric Clapton
The Definitive 24 Nights [Super Deluxe Edition Box Set]
2023 Duck
—————————————————
Tracks LP One:
Rock
01. Pretending
02. Running on Faith
03. Breaking Point
04. I Shot the Sheriff
05. White Room
06. Can’t Find My Way Home
Tracks LP Two:
Rock [continued]
01. Bad Love
02. Before You Accuse Me
03. Lay down Sally
04. Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door
05. Old Love
06. No Alibis
Tracks LP Three:
Rock [continued]
01. Tearing Us Apart
02. Cocaine
03. Wonderful Tonight
04. Layla
05. Crossroads
06. Sunshine of Your Love
Tracks LP Four:
Blues
01. Key to the Highway
02. Worried Life Blues
03. Watch Yourself
04. Have You Ever Loved a Woman
05. Everything’s Gonna Be Alright
06. Something on Your Mind
07. All Your Love (I Miss Loving)
Tracks LP Five:
Blues [continued]
01. It’s My Life Baby
02. Johnnie’s Boogie
03. Black Cat Bone
04. Reconsider Baby
05. My Time after a While
06. Sweet Home Chicago
07. Watch Yourself (Reprise)
Tracks LP Six:
Orchestral
01. Crossroads
02. Bell Bottom Blues
03. Lay down Sally
04. Holy Mother
05. I Shot the Sheriff
Tracks LP Seven:
Orchestral [continued]
01. Hard Times
02. Can’t Find My Way Home
03. Edge of Darkness
04. Old Love
05. Wonderful Tonight
Tracks LP Eight:
Orchestral [continued]
01. White Room
02. Concerto for Electric Guitar
03. A Remark You Made
04. Layla
05. Sunshine of Your Love
Tracks Blu-ray One:
Rock
01. Pretending
02. Running on Faith
03. Breaking Point
04. I Shot the Sheriff
05. White Room
06. Can’t Find My Way Home
07. Bad Love
08. Before You Accuse Me
09. Lay down Sally
10. Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door
11. Old Love
12. No Alibis
13. Tearing Us Apart
14. Cocaine
15. Wonderful Tonight
16. Layla
17. Crossroads
18. Sunshine of Your Love
Tracks Blu-ray Two:
Blues
01. Key to the Highway
02. Worried Life Blues
03. Watch Yourself
04. Have You Ever Loved a Woman
05. Everything’s Gonna Be Alright
06. Something on Your Mind
07. All Your Love (I Miss Loving)
08. It’s My Life Baby
09. Johnnie’s Boogie
10. Black Cat Bone
11. Reconsider Baby
12. My Time after a While
13. Sweet Home Chicago
14. Watch Yourself (Reprise)
Tracks Blu-ray Three:
Orchestral
01. Crossroads
02. Bell Bottom Blues
03. Lay down Sally
04. Holy Mother
05. I Shot the Sheriff
06. Hard Times
07. Can’t Find My Way Home
08. Edge Of Darkness
09. Old Love
10. Wonderful Tonight
11. White Room
12. Concerto for Electric Guitar
13. A Remark You Made
14. Layla
15. Sunshine of Your Love
—————————————————
Eric Clapton
Alan Clark
Phil Collins
Ray Cooper
Richard Cousins
Robert Cray
Nathan East
Steve Ferrone
Buddy Guy
Johnnie Johnson
Chuck Leavell
Jamie Oldaker
Phil Palmer
Greg Phillinganes
Jerry Portnoy
Ed Shearmur
Joey Spampinato
Jimmie Vaughan
* Long Live Rock Archive
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