#good job @2 hours ago me. for catching it before it could fester into a violent reaction. now it's just annoying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ask-dr-knockout · 6 years

Text

New Job and Confessions

So hey guys, just a heads up I'll be starting my new job here soon in a few days. I just finished the remaining documentation and stuff like that. *Takes deep breath*

I'll be honest I am watching inspiring shows and listening to calming music right now between work in an effort to kind of keep myself positive and a little bit distracted from thinking any negative thoughts or allowing insecurities to fester.

I do apologise for a lack of posts lately and offtopic content as I know I have active RP I need to reply too and catch up with as well as commissions. Thanks for your patience my friends. Please bear with me.

I'm sure we all can relate to feeling a bit uneasy when it comes to change good or bad. It's new and it's a bit frightening at times. I'm about to go through alot of that soon. I've made alot of promises to my family and myself lately too. I want to make sure I do my best.

Not only for the new job but to commit to my own personal health and well-being again by keeping up good routines and cultivating good habits.

This is the first true full time job I'm taking on again since my family went through tragedy 4 years ago. This is a very difinitive time for us and I want to focus and make sure I do everything I can to succeed.

I'm finding myself in the same position my mother was in before she became sick. After financial hardship in the family, my mother went through rigerious training for a new job in order to help support all of us.

Despite her own unbelievable hardships while sick and going through chemo my mother continued to work and even passed her tough training for her job before she became to Ill and had to take medical leave. If it had not been for her efforts we would have not made it.

She did it for dad and I.

In the short time she was with that amazing company she forged bonds and friendships that could have lasted for years to come because that was who my mother was. Strong, determined and outgoing. She was going to go so far they would have promoted her. I sometimes wonder why God took her from us things would have been so much easier to bear if she had healed. She was/is the heart of us. She was my best friend before I had any friends. She still drives me to succeed as any good mother would.

I'm so proud of my mom and my dad for fighting through and being there for each other and me. I'm crying as I write this now but I want mom to know it's my turn now and I'm going to make her proud. If my mom could pass her training as sick as she was to support us I have no excuse but to do my very best like she did. I hope that I can succeed, this family needs some WINS. I owe that to her and dad for being amazing inspiring parents.

I'm tired of holding myself back from living a normal stable life both financially and emotionally. I figure if I can just get past this change I will start to get used to a new and better rhythm in my life once again and will have accomplished something meaningful.

I've been so used to putting out fires or relying on others to take that leadership and provide, but i think it's finaly time to cultivate and rebuilt again and this time I'm going to make that happen on my own merits. I want to do this for so many reasons.

I've had plenty of time to process everything that happened in the past. I can finally talk about subjects that hurt deeply or handle the slightest hint or mention that before could leave me in rough emotional states. I can recognize the fact I'm finally healing.

Where I won't pretend that I'm 100% recovered however, I now have regained enough of my old self to move forward again. I have found tools to work and manage that grief and pain. I've laid out a plan.

I realize I'm rambling alot right now but I need to get these feelings out and the more I say the easier it is to face.

The more I type the more likely I am to stick to my own personal proclimations and goals.

So yeah, I am just trying to keep positive and confidant. For Mom, Dad and myself.

This is going to be outside my comfort zone as it is a completely new field to me but I just gotta keep up the resolve. Lol man, I haven't even started yet, it could be easier then what Anxiety/ uncertainty likes to make one think. Gotta avoid overthinking it and take it one day at a time. I wish I didn't overthink things so much haha. feeling uncertian right now isn't going to help.

Also, this isn't so much just an update post I guess as an outlet to affirm my own choices that what I am doing is the right thing because it's so far from what I ever actually invisioned myself doing. Of course sometimes it's those things that bring us the most happieness too. Life is just not perdicable despite how often we have our own goals in mind. I find it's sometimes best to go with the flow and take what opportunity is presented. And this IS a career opportunity I can be proud of. And I'm a bit overjoyed it is not retail again. I've done retail so much in the past. I finally have found an opportunity I can grow and advsnce within this company. Where hard work supposedly Does get recognized.

But don't get me wrong. My heart still yearns for a career in the arts but I know we can't always have it our way and things may have to come in time. I tried for years to get where I thought I wanted to go without the success I was seeking. It doesn't mean I've given up but I do have to make a new strategy on how to move forward. And with financial stability and new skillsets to fall back on it also opens new opportunities for me as well. I'm making a calculated decision to persue a better future. The dreams are not dead.

Sometimes we have to take a less obvious or indirect route to achieve our goals and be pragmatic. I think the important thing to remember in any choice we make is to stay true to ourselves and especially those we love.

I can do this and I'm not going to let my insecurities get in the way of persuing a better path. but I think I may need help and encouragement from my friends. I really am not good with the solitary thing lol.

I kind of depend on you guys. You really do help drive me. Kind words and actions go a long way they are invaluable to me. Someday soon I hope I can give back to these special people in my life. Hugs

If I know myself, I know that I can be a bit hard on myself too. Another reason I truly depend on my friends. I have alot of big dreams because of my own high expectations and sometimes that can crush me when I think about how far off those aspirations still are. But maybe it's time to start living each day for what it is and having smaller goals leading to something bigger instead.

I'm working on being a kinder person to others but also to myself. I read recently how much our inner voice can truly play a role in our lives. I'm also saying this too for anyone else dealing with that. Be kind to yourself. Coach yourself like you would a close friend you want to help. Give yourself a break when you don't always succeed. If I fail at this new job it just means it wasn't the right fit. But I will have failed knowing I did my best first. At least I can mark that off my list too and move on to the next thing that might be even better.

But anyways yep, I want to keep driving for rideshare on the side as well as working on my freelance art/ cosplay. I don't want to give those things up because they are very much apart of who I am and what I love.

I admittedly still have some doubts about running myself down or the opposite never having the will to alot time for those passions anymore. To be honest I think the second out of the two is my greater fear. I tend to get focused on one task at a time but this job will require me to become more adept at multitasking or stopping and switching gears. not just in the job itself but in managing every aspect of my life. I hope I can learn to do this better as I can be a bit obsessive and too focused on one thing at a time. Also getting bored with one thing. It's definitely a skill I have to work on.

*Sigh* I have to admit too, there's so much riding on this too as I will need to work rideshare the first 2 weeks after i get done with my normal full time training hours to still handle the bills before I can begin to rely more on my new work schedule. After that I can limit my driving to maybe a few hours on the weekends so that I can begin to replenish savings for the future. This probably also means I may be less likely to be attending as many conventions as I used too in the past at least for this first year. But we'll have to see how it goes.

I'll be praying for energy and resolve and any support/prayers or well wishes is super appreciated on all of this. I'm going to need it in the upcoming weeks.

Anyways thanks for reading and allowing me to vent my feelings out to you guys. Your the best.

#mun #personal #job #sorry for long post #long post #vent #resolve #staying positive #doing good on a personal promice #self care #hard work #rewarding work #sorry i dont know how to do read more on mobil

25 notes · View notes

rebeccaseattle · 4 years

Text

Greg Chang(Names have been changed)

The colorless of linoleum floor made me feel cold as I looked at my computer, gathering what information I could about Greg Chang, 15 years old, in preparation for his annual IEP which I would be directing.

On paper, Greg looked like one of the most promising students on my caseload. Greg had straight A’s, with a couple of A- and one B+’s thrown in. Greg had a couple extra curricular activities he did well in. Despite having a learning disorder and an IEP, Greg was in all general education, even some AP classes and appeared to be thriving. Most of the students on my caseload were failing so this kid felt like a dream.

“Should be a pretty straight forward IEP” said one of my colleagues, who was helping me learn how to read and write IEPs. The public school process around holding IEP’s is and was a very messy, complex, legal business, and I was knew to it this year. However, I actually enjoyed the this part of my job the most. Not writing IEP’s, but really delving deep into who my students were, what they needed, and creatively figuring how to get their diverse needs met at my school. I wanted to dig deep with Greg. It was my first year and in terms of paperwork, legalities, and district work, I was a baby. But my interest and skills in analyzing and helping my students were all I had and for the most part thats what made my parents and administrators happy, not to mention the students.

Despite teaching special ed classes daily, I never actually taught any of the students on my caseload. I had gone out of my way to meet Greg, who was a polite, quiet, respectful and studious person, but I had virtually no opportunity to see how he functioned in class. I pretty much had only data and word of mouth from teachers to learn about him. I tracked down his teachers and learned all I could from them.

The results were interesting.

“He works very hard, but he often doesn’t follow directions. It’s very arrogant, but he’s always so polite so I let it slide.”

“He does an excellent job, but he has a temper.”

“I’m really worried about him, he full on broke out in tears the other day in class. Still, he composed himself and insisted on finishing the assignment.”

“He gets really angry in class and clearly has some issues.”

“He works very hard and does well on all his tests.”

I read that his two older siblings had both gotten into prestigious universities. His parents were dumbfounded when they had learned, over a decade ago their youngest child had a learning disorder and weren’t sure how to handle it.

I thought for hours and hours about Greg, what he needed, what was going on for him, and what I could get the school to do help.

What I was hearing about Greg struck a chord with me. He reminded me of myself more than any other student.

Unlike Greg, I never got good grades in school. The first time I did well was in junior college, where I worked very hard. I worked while in high school as well, but it never seemed to earn me decent grades so I gave up. I wasn’t really diagnosed with a learning disorder until I was 30, and even now my diagnosis is controversial as not everyone in the medical community accepts it as a real diagnosis. But my struggles learning and functioning in school were very real. What I did learn to do, was work hard. “Something is seriously wrong with me” I remember thinking at age 10. “If I work really hard my whole life to learn this stuff, maybe I’ll be normal.” Overcoming a learning disorder was a very difficult process for anyone, let along a child. It requires a great deal of maturity, insight, hard work, strength, emotional support, and perspective. Not many adults I know have that kinda maturity and resources to accomplish this, and to place that on a child is very traumatic. Most likely children who overcome learning disorders, like myself, carry deep scars about who they are, truths about the world, school, and life. The comments above made me think that Greg may be carrying some of these scars, wounds unhealed and festering. They are a heavy burden.

At the IEP I met Greg’s Dad. He was a very well-dressed professional looking asian gentleman. With his other kids at prestigious universities, I couldn’t began to speculate if Greg’s parent’s were “Tiger parents.” Parents who show their love and support by believing in their kids and pushing them to do their best. It’s possible given Greg’s culture this may be the case, I’m not sure actually. But what came out of Greg’s Dad’s mouth shocked me.

“My son needs to relax. He studies way to much. He devotes to much of his time to school work. My wife and I both strongly agree he needs to learn there is more to life than academic achievement, hard work, and success. I want him to relax and have more fun. We need to make this very clear in the IEP.”

I realized in some ways the Dad was looking at this as a hopeful intervention for his son.

Greg came to IEP as well. Greg wants to attend MIT after he graduates. Greg is joining the Dragonboat rowing team. Greg had ideas on how he can improve his grade in PE to an A from an A-, if only he had more access to PE equipment.

I read Greg the comments from his teachers.

“He works very hard, but he often doesn’t follow directions. It’s very arrogant, but he’s always so polite so I let it slide.”

Greg often doesn’t understand directions. His disability is audio processing, so he honestly doesn’t follow verbal directions well. He very much takes on leadership roles when doing group work, so he makes his best guess on what the directions were and using context clues figures them out, but sometimes he gets them wrong.

I reflected how Greg’s disability here is ignorantly interpreted as arrogance, a common mistake. I too have been overly polite to teachers and other figures because my own learning disability has been interpreted before as arrogance.

“He does an excellent job, but he has a temper.”

“I’m really worried about him, he full on broke out in tears the other day in class. Still, he composed himself and insisted on finishing the assignment.”

“He gets really angry in class and clearly has some issues.”

“He works very hard and does well on all his tests.”

“Son, I see how hard you work everyday, and I know it’s taking a tole on you.”

Said his father.

Greg got quiet. He looked sad. He looked angry.

“Let me tell you something” Greg began.

“Tomorrow, I am taking a math test. Today in class I spent the entire class practicing the review sheet. I listened the to teacher, like I do every day. I redid the review problems 3 times. I found more review questions and learned them. Today after school, I will go home and enter a bunch of questions onto an online quiz program, and practice for 2 hours. Sitting next to me in class today is my friend Tony. Tony finished the review sheet in 15 minutes, did not listen to the teacher and spent the rest of class goofing off. Tomorrow, he and I will take the same test, and we will both get the same grade. Each of us will get an A. This is my life. This is what I live with. Is this fair? No, it’s not, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to quit. This is why I am angry.”

When Greg said this, my heart sank. Greg if you haven’t noticed is quite intelligent and insightful. It takes both of these traits to learn to overcome a learning disorder. Greg is right, this is not fair. I don’t blame him.

Learning to live with a learning disorder is not fair. Learning to achieve academic success is wonderful, but it requires more strength, more development, more maturity, more hard work than other kids. We discussed then how this process is unfair, but in the end Greg will develop and mature stronger than his peers. It will be years, if every if Greg’s peers will catch up in work ethic, self-discipline, metacognition, problem solving, creativity, and even executive functioning Greg has achieved. Greg isn’t your standard overachiever, he’s more like warrior. A veteran who came back from a war with tons of skills in battle, but also scars and painful truths about our world. He lost the innocence of being a child, even a teenager, long ago.

We set up counseling services for Greg, everyone agreed this is what he needed most, including himself. There are no easy answers for Greg, he’s right, this is unfair, but that didn’t mean he was going to give up. How to handle this truth of the world, is a lot to put on anyone. Most adults I know can’t even handle it. They’re just glad they aren’t him. Greg is forced to accept a concept to painful for most people to even hear, but he is not one to backdown from a battle.

My student, was in dire need of support despite his straight A appearance, carrying invisible scars and strength from a battle hidden from others.

0 notes

childrenofathoria-rp-blog · 7 years

Photo

◆Out Of Character Information◆

Name/Age: Cas, 31 Preferred Pronouns: She/Her Timezone: EST Desired Character: Constantine

◆Character Information◆

(1) What pronouns will your character be using? Would you like to list their sexuality at this time?:

~He/Him or sometimes They/Them, sexuality I dunno! He probably does’t even understand labels like that.

(2) Any changes or comments?

~I am considering some mark on him from the Circle of Light that he can’t glamour off his body. Like a tattoo or something ‘ugly’ he can hide that is sort of a 'mark of a traitor’ type of thing. Will headcanon it out.

(3) Why this character?

~I was torn a few months ago about taking him or Phillip and decided that Phillip would be an enjoyable bio to play, so I took him. But now that time has passed, I find myself staring his bio down, and I think it’s time to dive into his character. This is the season for playing new species! I am playing a vampire, and now I’d like to also try the fae.

What captivated me with Constantine was his Bloodhawk connection. There is history I have with the hunter clan from previous seasons, and I couldn’t pass up being involved with them again. Constantine’s role is very different from anything I have written before which I think will be fun to explore especially with us pushing so many political plots forward involving the King over hunting supernaturals down. As an admin, we can use him for the main plot which is vital to keep things moving forward as well. I also want to explore ALL the realms!

(4) Interpret this character:

~When I first read his bio, I immediately thought 'wow, he’s all glitz and glam! How fun! Phillip will be so jealous!’ And he totally is this but then it sunk in how complicated he is once you read his history. The fact he has alluded to corruption in his magic is a 'red flag’ of sorts. He was imprisoned as The Guilty One by the Circle of Light so that immediately makes me wonder why? I have a few ideas to allude to this avoidance of darkness, some stemming from his magic and his family history. Was he imprisoned because they thought he couldn’t succumb to it or was he entombed because he’s actually already a monster and doesn’t know it?

Or was it all just a farce? Lots of ways to take it.

His beef with the Circle of Light is the crux of his need to be with the Kingdom. I think he honestly loves Athoria and King Nathaniel, and there isn’t an ounce of falsehood to his want to adhere to the laws and to enforce them. It can even almost seem to go too far in some cases. The Bloodhawks are literally the family he lost and always wanted.

I will probably have Constantine suffer from some PTSD and phobia involving the dark and especially enclosed spaces. I believe his house is illuminated with sunshine and light at all hours of the day, to an obnoxious and overdone point. He sleeps better in a huge bed with lots of soft objects alongside the glam of his home.

Constantine has a collection of three Brownies who take care of their house. They can take the shape of crows and are an annoying bunch, chatty and squawking, and sometimes can be a weird intimidating presence when they are all together. Constantine will sometimes alter his shape into a crow to blend in with them, using that form to spy on people or to listen in on conversations.

The fae enjoys listening to others speak. He will lead them easily down the path he wants without having to do much but nod or respond with simple words to keep their interests. This is mostly because of his trust issues and finds he can learn more about a person if he lets them lead the conversations. Constantine will hover in the front of someones conscious when they speak to detect lies but prefers to see them ruin themselves. When he’s ready to explain he will go a bit overboard, and use lots of words and questions built in to not lie about anything.

Corruption hasn’t festered in Constantine, and yet he is surrounded by it often. His work with the Bloodhawks can be nerve wracking at times, especially when calling people out on their lies and trying to establish strong connections outside the border of Athoria. He enjoys walking in Leeds to whisper in peoples ears or use his magic just enough to alter potion’s potencies to enact a new response. He has been known to answer questions about magic from the Isles that hasn’t been learned on Earth yet, and there are rumors they have seen Hell with their own eyes making those demonic magic wielders desperate for his attention when he’s in town.

Constantine isn’t a violent person, when engaged he will often run than deal with it directly. His victories are in negotiations, but he won’t try too hard to sway someone he doesn’t think worth his time. His trust is permanently stunned into submission. If he were to run into any Circle of Light members, he would be torn between wanting to corrupt them in darkness as payback (looking at Remy LOL) or attempt to find someone to deal with it for them.

He is one of the rare few fae’s who has elf souls. They are around his neck in a protected pendant. He mostly collects gifted human souls in Leeds, especially the really nasty ones. It’s amusing to him to have gotten a hold of such ugly souls and treats them like a memento of sorts. He is a realm traveler and a nosy fae. I want to use him for all the connections involving the realms.

Some plots and quests I am very interested in.

I’d like Killian to be the one to find him.

I want him to take Remy to Hell.

A changeling thread to get into his headspace about the corrupted fae.

I’d like to see him stop some environmental issue plaguing the lands either close the rift in Cresent Grove or lower the waters in Grimsby, all for the King obviously.

A dream realm thread where he’s there to get information from that person while they are vulnerable.

◆ Interview Questions ◆

(1) How do you avoid corruption after all the evil that you seem to accomplish? Aren’t you afraid that one day it will all catch up to you?

“Is corruption evil?” The fae easily turned the question around, a dancing finger fluttered near the person’s face allowing flecks of sparkles and glitters to gently cascade off his attire from the motion. “Is being tainted a terrible thing? All around us we see species evolving. Those myths you wish to tell your children about in your beds are often depicted as punishment for stepping on a side they should not have. If doing evil is such a horrible thing– if doing it didn’t somehow allow the light to exist at all…” He smirked, a gentle lift of his shoulders as if to expel a silent laugh. “Well, traveler. You would think it has caught up already, what does that say about your world?”

(2) What made you take the position in the Athorian Government as a Bloodhawk?

“The Kingdom is my home, and I want to help where I can,” Constantine settled comfortably in the chair, legs propped up on the counter of the bar. There were a few onlookers at the position in his seat, but no one said anything. “Though the job was practically made for me, how could the King not want me in it?! Who else would be so perfect other than– well, me? Well, there could be a few others, but I am good at it. Don’t you trust the King and his choices on the matter?”

◆Writing Sample:◆

~ Constantine’s brow lifted into a gentle curve against his forehead. The situation was tense by his standards. Not everything was supposed to work out easy all the time, that would make for a very boring new life– or so he delicately convinced himself. Being ignored was the frustrating weapon trust into his gut with a feral twist. The negotiations were apparently falling quicker apart between the two women over what, he glanced over too, was livestock.

“Madam’s,” his voice alone drew their gazes towards his position; he purposefully tucked his hands into a clasp behind his back. “I know this donkey, was that what it’s called?”

They both nodded, folding their arms into secure protection across their chests. Their cheeks were flush from the argument, and Constantine could tell both were ready to go off at the moment he said the wrong thing. His eyes trailed side to side between them off for a dizzying moment until squarely glaring at the lady on the left who took a step back in the sudden confrontation.

“You partner did get drunk and bet your donkey and unfortunately lost,”

“HA SEE!”

“However,” Constantine wiggled his fingers, and the lady’s outburst snapped her lips shut for her. “Your husband purposively deceived him from the beginning. Putting the bug in his ear all night about the donkey, then when he was drunk enough got him into a betting situation where he’d lose.”

“You cheat!” “I ain’t no cheat you bugger!”

Constantine closed his hands together with a clap, bringing them to his lips where the nails just touched them. They both were silent immediately, purple magic tethered around their wrists like a bangle before fading.

“You summoned me to help you. I was not called here on Bloodhawk business, surely something over a donkey could have been resolved between two adults and not require me?” The ground trembled, a crack forming just under their toes. Constantine asked a lot of questions; it was part of his way around revealing too much truth. Masking curiousness and being unsure about topics with an inquiry.

“You have helped them before,” one of the wives quickly said, lifting her hands in a mild exposure of surrender to their bickering. “We trust you when you make a decision.”

“Alright, then I say this,” he sighed, releasing the bound claps of his fingers from near his face and snapped them instead. The husbands appeared by their sides, both already drunk and it was barely mid day. He drew out a piece of parchment out of thin air and quill.

“You can keep the donkey, but you owe them the amount of coin or trade for the value of one since you did lose the bet,” Constantine lifted his gaze from the parchment and glared at the other man. “And you are prohibited from gambling in Brailston. I won’t extend it beyond those borders, but since this family lives here, I feel that’s a fair trade.

"You know this is magically binding– even more so since you summoned me personally. If you do not keep your end of the contract, Jailor Kei Barcena will receive notification. Then things our out of my hands,”

With a curl of his hand, the parchment disappeared and went into his filing system.

They walked away quietly, adults with their heads bowed low as if he had struck a whip to their backs in disappointment. Humans were so confusing and depressing sometimes; he couldn’t entirely understand their fights even though he made an effort to keep the peace for King Nathaniel.

“Didn’t know you were in town,” one of his fellow Bloodhawk members took a few steps to meet his side, and Constantine offered a crooked smile in return. A calmness washed over him the very second the other neared him. The clan was home, and he wasn’t going to mess this up.

“Wasn’t planning on it, I was supposed to be Leeds for the remainder of the season,”

“Well, it’s good to see you. Why don’t we catch up?” Constantine nodded with a gentle wave in the direction of the main steet walk.

“Of course–”

#athoria accepted #lsrpg #supernatural rpg #fantasy rpg

0 notes