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rachelthompsonauthor · 4 years

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The past two quarantine months have been like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my lifetime, and I turned 56 in January. So rather than regurgitate what you’ve likely read in the news or on social media, I’ve decided to share how I’ve spent my time these past two months along with random thoughts. I hope you’ll continue along with me as I share what I’m doing each week.

Books

Oh, how I’ve missed reading! With my business so insanely busy (for which I’m truly grateful) these past few years, I’ve barely had time to read little more than Slack, emails, texts, and social media updates. Not exactly satisfying for this lifelong, avid reader. This quarantine has allowed me a little bit of extra time, which I’ve put to good use.

In no particular order, here’s what I’ve read:

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow is fantastic. Read it in one sitting because I didn’t want any of the details of this lacy, incredibly intricate work to fade. I highly recommend it. A mix of fantasy, drama, and a love story (because in the end, aren’t all stories love stories?), anyone with a working brain will love this novel.

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng is also superb. I’d heard about this book for a while, yet only got around to it because it’s also now a mini-series on Hulu (which I watched afterward – also very good, though the character arcs and the plot changed in crucial, at times startling, ways).

Curious if you’ve read the book and watched the series, what your thoughts are? I could write an entire post about it, yet I’ll only share this…

As a child, my parents hire a housekeeper. My folks both work full-time and we are not in any way rich or well-off. Neither of my folks has college degrees – Dad is an assistant manager at a chain drugstore and Mom has just completed x-ray tech school and works nights at San Bernardino County Hospital. We live in a small house on a long street in the smoggy Inland Empire of California.

There are two of us, my older sister and me. Then my mom gets pregnant when I’m nine and has my baby sister when I’m ten. My folks advertise for a housekeeper and Miss Louise answers. She’s African American and willing to work for the little they can pay her. She smokes a lot (outside only, so as “not to hurt the babies”), insists on wearing a uniform though my mom tells her it isn’t necessary and comes looking for us in her big old white Caddy if we aren’t home from school exactly 20 minutes after it lets out.

(Miss Louise’s husband’s name is George. If you are alive in the 70s and watch The Jeffersons, you understand why this is an endless source of amusement to my sister Caren and me.)

Being that young, neither Caren nor I understand what privilege means. We didn’t get whatever we wanted because my parents are always strapped, yet there is food on the table, and the lights are always on. Except for the occasional venture to Disneyland or Knott’s Berry Farm that one time (mom hated it), our vacations consist of driving to visit our Zayde (great-grandfather) in a nursing home in Santa Cruz, or some other relatives we don’t know somewhere in L.A. (I remember one great-aunt who drank. A lot.) We’d always stop at Cantor’s for a soup and sandwich (the highlight for us), and be back on the road. We don’t mind because it is anywhere but home.

Anyway – my entire point is that in Little Fires Everywhere – the show – Kerry Washington’s Mia is an artist who takes a maid job with Reese Witherspoon’s Elena Richardson’s family to keep an eye on her daughter Pearl, who is quite taken with the teenage Richardson clan. The racial and financial dichotomy is blatantly obvious: a rich family who’s seemingly got it all vs. a seemingly poor black single mother, which adds to the ‘fires’ mentioned in the title.

The book really made me think about my own privilege and despite how well my folks treated Louise, and how much we loved her, and she us, there would always be that wall. Granted, it was a business arrangement and my folks paid her for her services, and in truth, anyone could’ve answered the housekeeping ad. The fact that she was African American and we were white created a racial divide that’s undeniable.

The third book I read is Certain Cure by Jennifer Valoppi, also excellent. It’s the first in a series (parts two and three aren’t out yet, darn it). The novel chronicles the life of three generations of the Cummings family; Claire, a woman in her 70s who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, Helene, her television journalist daughter and Justin, the teenage grandson whose adoration of his “Grams” leads him to discover the dark secret behind the miracle technology that is not only curing Claire of her cancer but tempting his mother with eternal youth, as traditional medical industries wage war against the mysterious doctor from China who threatens them all.

I had no idea what to expect with this one, and I’m glad I read it. Valoppi is a former TV journalist from NYC so she knows her stuff. I’m not particularly religious (or scientific), yet I didn’t find either the science or religious stuff bogged me down. Fascinating read. I highly recommend it.

Movies and Shows

Gosh, so many. With four of us in the house (and two teens), it’s worth it to me to pay for Hulu and Netflix, Amazon Prime Video comes with my Amazon Prime membership already, plus my internet plan comes with AT&T Direct, Showtime, HBO, and other premium channels. For the amount of entertainment, it’s worth the money.

I watch movies and shows on my iPad at night, once I’m finally off my computer. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like a super loud TV with stereo surround-sound barking at me after a long day of noise and stress. So I go upstairs to my cozy bed, surround myself with blankets and pillows and cats, and snuggle in for a few hours to watch a movie or a few episodes of something I enjoy.

Another note: not a big ‘reality TV’ watcher, mostly because, as a writer, I prefer well-written shows. I also don’t like the negativity and yelling normally associated with those shows. That said, I do watch Vanderpump Rules (on Bravo) with my daughter (age 20). We bond.

Shows

Here’s what I’ve binged these past few quarantine months, show-wise (no links because you can Google):

Ray Donovan – ggggggreat! Heard it was wonderful, yet truly had no idea how awesome. Liev Schrieber is captivating as Ray. Flawed, human, sad, and, in case you don’t know, a childhood sexual abuse survivor (church abuse). I had no idea going in this would be a theme of the show, yet it was handled with care and truth. The entire supporting cast is also amazing. Every season is great. Watch it all. I hated to see it end.

Homeland – the first four or so seasons were mesmerizing. Then, I got bored. This last season had me falling asleep and then WHAM! that ending. Worth it.

Hunters – Good, not fantastically great. The twist in the last episode will get you, though.

Upload – Loved it! Thought it would be silliness (and in some places, it was, but that’s okay – we need a little silliness right now). Had a ton of heart which I love.

Bosch – come on, it’s Titus Welliver. He’s fantastic. This last season didn’t draw me in as much as the entire rest of the series, though. You?

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – terrific, all of it. Every season, every episode, every character.

Tales From The Loop – amazing. Anything having to do with time-travel or the bending of time, I’m a total sucker for. This hurt my brain in a good way.

The Feed – weird but good and thought-provoking.

Dark – by far, my favorite show year. A German show dubbed in English (you get used to it – don’t let that scare you off), this time-bending, decade-moving hit show spans two seasons and every episode is worth watching. And the music – my god. Amazing. Here’s a Spotify playlist link.

Movies

Parasite – thought-provoking. Took a while to get into it and then boom! It just goes full-on insanity. Well-written, well-acted, and the message of the movie is just, wow. No spoilers in case you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.

Hustlers – loved it. Whatever issues people have with strip clubs and ‘dancers,’ get over it. These girls are amazingly talented, are in amazing shape, and work hard to make money for their families. What I loved the most about the movie is that it’s all about the women; the men are only there as a plot device. It’s a movie entirely shot through the ‘female gaze’ (though of course, men will enjoy the dance scenes which are sexy, yet not unclothed). How many movies can say that?

Memento – I think I’m probably one of the few people who had never seen this neo-noir psychological thriller starring Guy Pearce looking like Brad Pitt (who was originally considered for the role). It was great, I think? LOL. My brain still hurts.

Call Me By Your Name – Lovely, sad, gorgeous. (And I will not make a juvenile peach joke.) And the music! Oh, my.

Zombieland – I hate zombies, I hate horror movies. I hate gore and squishy sounds. This movie was cute. (Not ready for the sequel, yet.)

Music

As mentioned above, the music in Dark sent me off on a ‘who are these talented musicians?’ lark. I’ve discovered so many. Here is who I’m listening to right now (all free on Spotify) and links provided here:

Apparat (you’ll recognize the opening theme of Dark and stay for the rest).

Agnes Obel – wondrous. I’ve played her entire catalog repeatedly since discovering her music on Dark. She’s become a commercial favorite as well now. Familiar is the song used in the show that’s received the most play.

Alev Lanz – otherworldly. I’ve not heard anyone like her. Her songs on the Dark soundtrack and Black Mirror are what she’s most noted for (May The Angels, and Fall Into Me, respectively), however, I love all of her work. Her harmonies are like nothing else. One song is layered with her voice and African throat singers – it’s gorgeous (May The Angels). She’s active on Twitter and we’ve interacted a few times. She’s beautifully transparent about her love of music and it shows in all her work.

Patrick Watson – I heard this song, Good Morning Mr. Wolf, on the Ray Donovan soundtrack and immediately clicked my SoundHound app. Who is this talented being? This song, in particular, sounds so large and cinematic – I wondered – is he is a film composer? (yes). A band? (yes). And so much more. I cannot get enough of all of his music, and still, I play this one song on repeat – repeatedly.

London Grammar – I discovered this band a few years ago and still adore them. Strong is still my favorite song, though Rooting For You is a close second. Hannah Reid’s vocals are big and beautiful.

Hilary Woods – ethereal and lovely. Especially the song Kith.

Sufjan Stevens – many of us just discovered him from the movie Call Me By Your Name soundscore, however, he’s been a working musician since the early 2000s. Talented beyond.

I could go on and on, but I’ll stop here. I made a Female Rockers list on Spotify which you’re welcome to.

Thoughts on Quarantine

My Business

Living in California, I’ve barely left the house in two months, with the exception of going to the pharmacy for meds or for the occasional physician appointment for me or the kids, because of the quarantine restrictions in place. And I’m okay with that.

I’m fortunate that my business is primarily online-only: I work with authors and small businesses on their branding, marketing, and promotion, so given that all real-life events are off the table, I’ve been quite busy working with my clients to ensure their products and services are still viable.

This doesn’t mean I don’t need help as a small business. I applied for an SBA loan and couldn’t even get onto the website the first time – it was pretty ridiculous – like the end scene in Beetlejuice. You all know who those first small business loans went to, right? Not small-potatoes people like me. So the second time around, it went much smoother, and I’m grateful to have received a small loan which will definitely help me keep going with rent, insurance, and other expenses.

I still did my annual non-profit initiative for writers, NaNoProMo (National Novel Promotion Month) this year over on my business site, BadRedhead Media, yet only for two weeks instead of the entire month. Daily blog posts from experts on everything publishing-related plus amazing giveaways. It’s always exhausting, yet I find enormous gratification in helping writers.

This year, however, getting writers to comment to win amazing, FREE giveaways was like pushing a house up a hill. I get it – people are focused on putting food on the table instead of commenting on blog posts, even if the giveaways were worth $500. That’s why I wanted to do this initiative this year – to help writers who are in a jam – yet only a smattering of writers participated.

I’m seriously rethinking if I want to do it next year given the financial cost as well as the personal toll. My first therapist, who I started seeing after I gave birth to my daughter Anya (I was terrified to leave her to go back to work, given my history with childhood sexual abuse), gave me this tip whenever I had trouble deciding whether to do something:

“If you ever aren’t sure if you should do something, ask yourself this question: Is this good for Rachel? If the answer is yes, do it. If the answer is no, don’t. It really is that simple.”

Self-care, y’all.

Social Media

I’ve stopped interacting with the crazies on social media (and who knows, maybe you’re one of them so truly, no offense), but I’d rather stay safe and keep my family safe by working exclusively at home – which I mostly do anyway – than venture back into face-to-face meetings with clients. I support four people with my business and if something happens to me, four people are doomed.

So the answer is simple to me: stay home, work from home, and don’t risk dying from this virus.

I don’t buy into any of this ridiculous conspiracy crap. Sorry, not sorry. You can if you want to. Spending time arguing with people online about it takes away time from my business, my kids, my guy, and my own sanity. Speaking of which…

Mental Health

There were a few mix-ups with my meds when this all started, and I couldn’t get my prescriptions filled and delivered before I ran out, so I ended up having about a week of insomnia which I’ve never had to deal with. I was a zombie (the non-squishy kind) and it sucked.

If you have insomnia, I’m sorry. I feel for you.

It’s all straightened out now, thank goodness. My son Lukas and I donned our masks and drove to the local CVS the other day because I couldn’t wait two days for my meds to be delivered. It felt like walking into a dystopian future walking in there: everyone in masks, tape six feet apart for the waiting line, plexiglass between us and the cashiers.

I’m thankful for these measures, of course, and wonder how long we’ll need them, or if this is our new normal?

My Writing

I finished the final edits on Broken People and sent it back to my editor. She’s had some health issues, so the delay is understandable. To be honest, I’m not in a huge hurry to launch a new book right now. Here are the questions that run through my mind:

Do people have money to purchase a new book?

If they do, will they want to read my new book?

If they do want to read my new book, will they take the money they do have to read mine, and then review it?

Does it even matter in the grand scheme of life?

I’m an author just like any author – I want to get my work out there so people can read it, engage with it, connect with me. I hope they’ll like it, feel something, reflect on their own lives, learn something new, particularly about being a childhood sexual abuse survivor. It’s a weird limbo to be in right now.

Our New Normal

This phrase is bandied about quite a lot yet let’s face it: it’s life as we know it, now. The anxiety is real, too. I haven’t hugged or kissed my elderly parents who live two miles away in two months. I bring them toilet paper and cookies from our favorite bakery (drive up and trunk drop off, pay online only) and drop it on their porch.

All these scenarios run through my mind: If I go to do this, what happens if? I know I’m not the only one. And yet, we can’t predict anything. So I sit here, writing this post, safe inside my little house bubble, grateful I can pay my rent, put food on the table (delivered by Instacart, thankfully), and everyone around me is healthy.

What’s your new normal? What have you been reading, watching, and listening to? If you’ve stuck it out this far, I thank you. Would love to hear your comments! Safe hugs, y’all.

***

Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available in print everywhere!

The post This is How To Spend Quarantine With Me appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

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bartsugsy · 6 years

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The Robron Break Ups: A Definitive Guide (Part Seven/How does one make the infinity sign on a keyboard)

Part One / Previous Part / All / AO3

Aaaaaand we’re back! Recap - Rob’s been shot and is in a coma, everyone is a suspect including our Aaron and now we’re firmly out of the Affair Era and into Who Shot Robert?

Thank you all for reading etc. You’ll quickly notice that we’re gonna SKIP THE HELL THROUGH ALL THIS BECAUSE I WANNA GET TO THE GOOD STUFF AYOOOOOO

ANYWAY, TIME TO FIND OUT HOW MANY TIMES ONE HUMAN CAN MENTION THAT AARON AND ROBERT ARE ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE DESPITE ALL THE HATRED AND WHATEVER. HAAAAAAY.

Part Seven: Hold Me Whilst I Fondle Your Life Support, My Love

Honourable Mention #23: 28th September 2015

So, Rob’s in a coma and everyone is being questioned by the police, Aaron included. Kerry tips an officer off to the fact that Aaron and Robert were all “hot and heavy” with each other. Aaron obviously doesn’t deny it, nor does he try to pretend that their relationship ended happily, but he tells the copper that it didn’t end badly enough for him to want to kill Robert.

Of course, literally MINUTES later, Aaron has taken himself off to the hospital to go visit his beloved coma Robert. They say that talking to coma patients is good for them, you know?

Only, Aaron is still GOD DAMN FURIOUS at Robert about the scrapyard argument and a little thing like almost dying isn’t gonna stop that, so this isn’t really so much a touching bedside scene as it is a MASSIVELY HORRIFYING DISPLAY OF COMPLETE HATRED.

HE STARTS OFF STRONG BY JUST SORT OF STROKING HIS FUCKING LIFE SUPPORT PLUG AS IF HE’S GONNA LITERALLY PULL IT AND END IT ALL HERE AND THERE AND TBH THAT SHOULD TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT THE INCREDIBLE SCENE YOU’RE ABOUT TO WITNESS.

AARON IS LIKE “SEEMS A SHAME NOT TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS” TO COMA ROB AND THEN HE FUCKIN CALLS HIM PATHETIC.

AND THEN!!!!!! HE LITERALLY FUCKIN!!!!!!!!!! JUST GOES TO TOWN, SAYS “NOT SO COCKY NOW, ARE YA” AND READS ROB FOR TREATING EVERYONE LIKE DIRT, “LIKE THEY DON’T MATTER”. HE SAYS THAT HE MADE EVERYONE'S LIVES HELL AND HE DIDN’T EVEN CARE. ROB RECKONS AARON’S TAPPED? WELL AARON RECKONS HE MUST BE FOR EVER FALLING FOR SOMEONE LIKE ROBERT.

WOO WOO WOO WOO SOUND THE SICK BURN ALARM

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD HOLY DAMN AARON DINGLE

FINALLY, AARON SAYS THAT THE ONLY PERSON HE WANTS TO HURT IS ROBERT - THAT NO ONE’S GONNA MISS HIM, SO HE SHOULD “HURRY UP AND DIE!

HURRY. UP. AND. DIE.

What a love story.

Also Chas overhears all of this and assumes that Aaron has shot Robert (all the while, Aaron thinks Chas shot him - it makes them both act very dodgy towards one another for a while).

Of course, Aaron hasn’t and he never would because, as I think we can all see,

Honourable Mention #24: 6th November - 16th November 2015

There’s loads more plot about who shot Robert blah blah blah and then Aaron gets wrongly arrested (actually, like a billion and one people get wrongly arrested, but Aaron’s is the one that sticks the longest) and because he’s Aaron and was literally only serving a prison sentence a year ago, he’s forced to remain in prison custody until his hearing. Aaron struggles and it’s awful but we don’t really see it so Rob is in a coma and Aaron is in prison and I am left missing my messy sons and bLAHHHH. Oh, at one point they try to wake Robert up from his coma and Aaron just hangs around the pub all day refusing to talk to anyone, because he wants to know how Robert is as soon as possible.

BUT ANYWAY LET’S FAST FORWARD TO WHEN ROBERT IS AWAKE OK GREAT.

SO ROB IS AWAKE AND HE’S ALL “AAHHH WHAT HAPPENED” AND THEN DIANE AND VIC HAVE TO TELL ROB THAT AARON HAS BEEN ARRESTED AND CHARGED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER AND ROB LOOKS FUCKING DESTROYED. Robert also doesn’t necessarily believe that Aaron did it - particularly given that the list of potential suspects is about eight miles long.

The fact that Robert’s behaviour has made him hated enough that MULTIPLE PEOPLE could have tried to murder him shakes him up enough that it actually sort of makes him rethink his entire life and attitude. Also, and I don’t know if it’s because near death experiences make you realise the fragility of life or whatever the hell, but he entirely gives up on his old “I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH MY WIFE CHRISSIE” tune and instead decides to embrace what he really wants from his life - Aaron.

Uh. He’s just gotta make sure that Aaron didn’t try to kill him first.

Aaron and Chas have a chat (or, they did on the day Robert got shot) where Aaron says that he doesn’t know how to stay away from Robert, or stop loving Robert and that he thinks that maybe the only way he’ll ever be free is for Robert to just disappear. Oh, Aaron.

It’s not true, honestly. Aaron is stubborn as shit and while yes, he’ll always love Robert, I think that… if Rob had never gotten his act together, never even tried to be better than who he was in 2015, Aaron wouldn’t have really gone back there (outside of maybe the occasional cheeky hook up lbr).

Robert gets discharged from the hospital and moves in with Victoria. He’s walking around like a timid deer, because he’s still not convinced that Aaron shot him. He asks Vic about it again and says “how can someone who loved me do this?” and then he says that when he sees Aaron at the hearing, when Aaron looks Robert in the eye, Robert will “know”.

Sure, bee.

The morning of the hearing sees Victoria as the only person convinced that the police must have got it right and Aaron must have shot Robert. Andy and Adam go off to court to support Aaron (Andy because he’s crumbling under his guilt that Aaron is currently in prison because of something he and Ross did) and Robert once again questions whether Aaron could have done it. He says that he needs Aaron to tell him the truth. Which. Be careful what you wish for Rob lmao.

The hearing starts and Aaron stands up looking, frankly, pissed at the world. Robert makes a dramatic late entrance and he and Aaron come properly face to face for the first time since the Scrapyard argument. They stare at one another, Aaron processing the fact that Robert isn’t just still alive, but well enough to be walking around (considering the last time he saw him, Rob was in a coma) and Robert trying to confront the idea that Aaron could ever have tried to kill him. It’s amazing tbh. TENSION EVERYWHERE!

They’re both apparently so #shook by this 2 second meeting that they immediately both LOSE THEIR TINY DERANGED MINDS.

Aaron pleads ‘not guilty’ to attempted murder, obviously, and the judge sets the court date and orders that Aaron continue to be remanded in custody. Robert, who is apparently not satisfied with any of this because he’s still desperate to know whether Aaron did it or not, stands up and yells at Aaron to just “tell the truth”.

Aaron spins around and, because apparently he can’t keep himself in check either, says that, if Rob wants to hear the truth, he’s got some fucking truth bombs to drop because Robert dESERVED EVERYTHING HE GOT AND SHOULD HAVE DONE THE ENTIRE WORLD A FAVOUR AND DROPPED DEAD.

AARON, YOU’RE TRYING TO CONVINCE THEM YOU’RE NOT GUILTY, YOU LUGGAGE TAG.

Aaron gets dragged out of court and Robert and Vic leave, Rob reeling at the fact that Aaron could ever hate him that much. Andy comes out and starts yelling at Robert for… believing Aaron shot him… even though…. this specific situation is actually…. Andy’s fault……….. Oh, Andy.

Andy knows this much and he’s struggling™ with the fact that Aaron is in prison, which Ross realises. Given that Ross is the actual person who pulled the trigger and shot Robert, he emphatically reminds Andy that if he confesses, Andy will never see his kids again. Because prison. Andy gets drunk and sits at Katie’s grave crying (again). Ashley sees him and goes to try and console him and Andy takes this opportunity to drunkenly let slip that he knows Aaron is innocent and more than that, implies that he is responsible for Robert’s shooting.

Ashley, being a Man of God, decides to track down Robert and tries to find a way to tell him what he’s heard, whilst still respecting the fact that people speak to him as a vicar in confidence. Still, he can’t live with knowing that Aaron is innocent and ultimately decides to leave a voicemail for Andy and mentions almost everything he knows, and then tells him that either Andy goes to the police or Ashley will.

Only Ashley accidentally leaves a voicemail on Robert’s phone instead and Robert… well, he’s Robert, isn’t he?

ROB CALLS ANDY AND GETS HIM TO COME TO THE SCRAPYARD AND WHEN ANDY GETS THERE, ROB CONFRONTS HIM. HE ASKS IF AARON IS INNOCENT. ANDY DOESN’T RESPOND. ROBERT SAYS “OK BRUV TELL ME THIS!!!! WHAT DID YOU DO ANDY?????

WHAT

DID

YOU

?”

Rob quickly puts together that, as Andy couldn’t have faked his alibi, he must have had someone do it for him. Andy goes to defend himself and Robert yells “STOP LYING YOU LIAR”

Getting shot has really knocked ol’ Robbo off his insult game, I’ll be honest.

Andy can’t deny that he was behind Robert’s shooting and Robert looks actually hella heartbroken about this. He gets his phone out and calls the police, but Andy knocks the phone out of Robert’s hand and breaks it. Robert gets into his car, presumably to drive to the police station instead and Andy gets in his own car to start an INSANE CAR CHASE.

In the end they both get out of their cars and just start yelling at one another.

Andy admits to being behind the shooting and Rob is all “SO HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY AARON TO DO IT? BET HE DIDN’T NEED MUCH” in a sad lil voice. Andy says that it wasn’t Aaron and Robert is all “SO HE’S INNOCENT” because Robert is NOT ABOUT AARON BEING IN PRISON TBH

HE’S REALLY NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE

Andy refuses to tell Robert who shot him, says it doesn’t matter because he did it, Andy is the one who is responsible. Rob is all “YOU REALLY HATE ME THAT MUCH?” and Andy’s like “YOU KILLED KATIE!!!!!” and look, I’m as sad as the next person that Andy’s wife is dead and tbh I get it

Your brother killed your wife.

You’re gonna be pissed.

It makes sense. I get it.

But sometimes don’t you kinda wanna tell Andy to change the record? Just a little?

Rob once again tries to explain that it was an accident but gives up halfway through, because Andy’s clearly never gonna hear it and then he’s all like “YOU WANNA BELIEVE I KILLED HER? FINE! I KILLED THE BITCH. SO YOU TRIED TO KILL ME. NO, ACTUALLY, YOU GOT SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT AND THEN YOU LET AARON TAKE THE BLAME”

Aaron taking the blame is a fundamental part of how pissed off Robert is, I need you all to understand this. If anyone else had been in prison, Rob probs wouldn’t have been careening down to the police station to sell Andy to the police quite so fast, let’s all be real here. Like, maybe eventually, but it wouldn’t have been the first thing Robert felt the need to do. Rob’s list of priorities on this day are, in no particular order:

Be upset that his brother hates him enough to try and kill him (again)

Free Aaron

Andy says he hasn’t killed Robert yet and Rob asks if he’s gonna finish the job off. It’s then that Andy points out that they’re at the same place where Max King died all those years ago - the accident that involved Andy and Max in one car and Robert in another, driving towards one another. Max grabbed the wheel and swerved at the last moment, leading to Andy and Max crashing. Robert pulled his brother out of the wreckage, Max died and Jack Sugden came along, placed the blame entirely on Robert and told him to leave the village.

They reminisce about this delightful moment where Robert and Andy were both involved in the death of another human and Andy says, in a strangely smug way, that that would have been the last time Robert ever spoke to Jack before he died. Robert can’t answer, but Andy pushes on, asks Robert what the last thing Jack said to Robert was.

Rob, now crying, says “Which part? The part where he put all the blame on me? Or the bit where he called me a lunatic and told me to just drive away forever and don’t come back?” as Andy yells, “DON’T COME BACK, YES” and tells Robert that he should have listened to him.

I get that I’m just transcribing this scene but it’s one of my favourite Robert scenes ever so WHY MAKE JOKES WHEN I CAN JUST BASK IN HOW FUCKIN INCREDIBLE IT IS?????

ROBERT IS EVEN MORE UPSET NOW, STILL CRYING, AND SAYS TO ANDY “YOU KILLED MUM AND HE HELPED YOU. MAX DIES AND HE DECIDES TO SEND ME AWAY?”

AND ANDY REALISES THE CRUX OF IT, WHAT THE PROBLEM HAS ALWAYS BEEN - THAT JACK LIKED ANDY MORE THAN HE LIKED ROBERT.

Andy of course, never realised that Jack knew about Robert’s bisexuality and beat him because of it, which is another ever-present unspoken layer to the immensely complicated and fraught Jack/Robert relationship - and the Robert/Andy relationship. Jack loved Andy so much more and Andy was the one who was straight. That shit can fuck you up, you know?

Robert says he tried - he tried to get away, as far away from the village as possible, but maybe it’s fate that they’re in this field. Maybe there’s only one way for them both to break this cycle of just… hating one another. Andy says he could - he could kill Robert and Robert tells him to and then Robert just fuckin loses it - tells Andy that this doesn’t end here, that Andy can’t just drive away, that Robert will come for him.

And then they both get in their cars and get ready to fuckin chicken 2.0 like the insane little boys they are.

Families are weird.

Ultimately, Robert swerves, but Andy doesn’t and he flips his entire car.

Robert sees and goes to drive off, leaving Andy to die or whatever, but he can’t do it and instead pulls Andy from the wreckage again, saving his life. He does this all with a gun shot wound, by the way, which is fairly impressive.

Vic and Adam choose this moment to pull up - Adam saw Andy and Rob fighting earlier and told Vic. They call the ambulance and everyone gets out safe and sound.

At the hospital, Vic is demanding answers but neither brother offers up the truth. Once they’re alone, Robert immediately asks Andy what they’re going to do about Aaron, because he can’t go down for something he didn’t do. Andy says he knows and he’ll sort it and then reiterates that he still sort of wants to kill Robert. Robert says that he tried to leave Andy but couldn’t, because no matter what either of them do, they’re brothers. Robert says that Emmerdale is where his family is and he can’t leave.

Ultimately Andy says that they can’t go on like this. He says that maybe he can believe that Katie was an accident, even if he’ll never forgive Robert for the rest of it - but the violence stops here.

Robert leaves and, apparently not content with Andy’s commitment to help Aaron ~~~at some point one day~~~, immediately calls DS Hart and gives a false description of his shooter that clears Aaron’s name.

The village reacts and everyone keeps saying the words “Robert got Aaron off” and I laugh every damn time.

Aaron gets home a few days later and returns as Rob is having a drink in the pub. They make eyes at one another and Aaron texts Robert to meet him outside - apparently to yell at Robert and accuse him of keeping him locked up just to mess with Aaron’s head.

AND IT’S FASCINATING BECAUSE ROB IS ALL SOFT WITH AARON AND WANTS TO MAKE SURE HE’S OK AND AARON IS LIKE “HAHAHAHA I HATE YOU XOXOXO” AND STORMS OFF AND LIKE

THIS IS THE START OF ONE OF MY FAVOURITE UNDERRATED ROBRON PERIODS: THE PERIOD WHERE AARON HATES ROBERT’S GUTS AND ROBERT IS OPENLY HEAD OVER FUCKING HEELS IN LOVE WITH AARON AND KEEPS MANUFACTURING EXCUSES TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM.

IT’S AMAZING.

Honourable Mention #25: 27th November - 30th November 2015

SO, it turns out that watching Robert get shot in front of her sadly left Chas with PTSD. Whilst suffering undiagnosed with, among a lot of other symptoms, hypervigilance and paranoia, Chas accidentally stabs Diane. Chas turns herself in and both Robert and Aaron spend the night terrified for the well-being of their mums. They have a little confrontation outside the pub the morning after and Aaron goes to leave, on his way to see Chas at the Police station with Paddy. Rob is all, “THAT’S RIGHT, RUN AWAY” and Aaron is all, “I’M NOT RUNNING ANYWHERE MATE” and they have some sexy angry eye contact and it’s great.

Also at this time is Chrissie’s trial for accidentally killing all those people. Robert is a key witness and Chrissie is hella concerned he’s going to throw her under a bus to get his own back for dumping him, or something. Lachlan hears this and corners Robert in the Cafe and asks him to do the decent human thing for once and not fuck over his mum. As he leaves the Cafe, Aaron enters - Aaron thinks that Robert knows who shot him and that maybe the guilty person was after Chas and has been responsible for stalking her ever since and ultimately driving her to stabbing Diane.

Aaron approaches Rob and says that he wants to talk and Rob is all “OH, ABOUT UR CRAZY MUM STABBING MY MUM”. Carly, who is serving at the counter, is all pack it in or take it outside, while Aaron is giving Robert a warning of “careful”.

Aaron then turns to Carly and says “bring his drink over, we’ll be over here” because Aaron knows he can still get Robert to do whatever the fuck he wants god bless.

It’s real real real real love.mp3

ROB ROLLS HIS FUCKING EYES AND LOOKS #TIRED BUT HE FUCKIN WALKS OVER TO AARON AND SITS THE FUCK DOWN ANYWAY.

AND THEN ROB IS LIKE, “WHAT?” AND TBH HE SOUNDS LIKE HE’S HALF USING HIS SOFT AARON VOICE. AARON ASKS HOW DIANE IS AND ROB SAYS THAT HE’S NOT TALKING TO AARON ABOUT THAT. AARON SAYS THAT HIS MUM IS IN BITS AND ROB NOT ONLY DOESN’T CARE BUT IS HAPPY THAT CHAS IS SUFFERING WITH ALL THAT STABBY GUILT.

AARON IS LIKE, “I NEED TO KNOW WHO DID THIS TO HER” AND THEN ASKS IF ROBERT IS SURE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHO SHOT HIM. ROBERT TRIES TO ACT #CASUAL BC HE DOESN’T WANT TO GET HIS BROTHER INTO SHIT AND AARON IS LIKE “WELL MY MUM THOUGHT THEY WERE AFTER HER AND NOT YOU” AND THEN ASKS ALL THESE QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT ROBERT REMEMBERS ABOUT THE SHOOTER.

APPARENTLY ROB’S DESCRIPTION TO THE POLICE WAS “A TALL BLOKE” WHICH I GUESS AUTOMATICALLY EXCLUDED AARON.

RUDE.

AARON IS STILL PRESSING ROBERT AND ROB ISN’T SAYING ANYTHING BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK ACTUALLY PULLED THE GOD DAMN TRIGGER. AARON GETS MORE AND MORE DESPERATE, BECAUSE HIS MUM IS STRUGGLING, AND ENDS UP SAYING “ROBERT, PLEASE” AND ROB, BEING FUCKING WEAK AGAINST AARON BEING ALL VULNERABLE AND SAD AND SHIT, LOOKS ALL SAD AND CONCERNED.

AARON SAYS HE’S DESPERATE AND ROB CRACKS AND SAYS THAT IT WASN’T SOMEONE WHO WAS AFTER CHAS. AARON SAYS THAT ROBERT CAN’T KNOW THAT AND ROBERT SAYS, POINT BLANK, “I DO KNOW. HE WASN’T AFTER YOUR MUM. HE WAS AFTER ME. AND IT’S OVER NOW”

HE SOUNDS V UPSET ABOUT IT, SO I GUESS HE’S STILL NOT OVER HIS BROTHER TAKING A LITERAL HIT OUT ON HIM.

AARON QUESTIONS HIM AGAIN AND ROBERT ASKS AARON TO JUST TRUST HIM, THEN GETS UP TO LEAVE. AARON STANDS UP AND GRABS ROBERT’S ARM (....HAND???) AND ROB SPINS AROUND AND LIKE THEY COULD BE JUST HAVING SEX RIGHT HERE TBH THEY COULD BE BANGING RIGHT ON BOB’S FLOOR, JUST LOOK AT ALL THIS EYE CONTACT I’M HAVING THE BEST FUCKING TIME

ANYWAY, AARON LOOKS ROBERT DEAD IN THE EYE AND SAYS “YOU KNOW WHO SHOT YOU DON’T YOU.” AND IT’S NOT A QUESTION. ROB SAYS THAT THE PERSON WHO TRIED TO KILL HIM HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH CHAS AND HE SHOULD JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT AND THEN HE LEAVES.

Basically, they’re in love.

Honourable Mention #26: 1st December - 14th December 2015

Rob stands up in court and basically takes the blame for sending Chrissie to the brink and his hair looks terrible. Aaron tells Cain that Robert’s shooter had nothing to do with Chas and Cain says “WELL YOU’RE NOT THE BEST JUDGE WHEN IT COMES TO ROBERT, ARE YOU?” and like… fair play tbh. Other stuff happens and Chas ultimately gets treatment for her PTSD because Aaron refuses to give up until he gets answers and then until he gets help because he’s wonderful, even if his hair is not.

Robert warns Andy that Aaron might start asking questions about the shooting and Andy is like AARON AIN’T GONNA LET THIS DROP, HE’S AARON. SHUT HIM DOWN. like some sort of demented failure of a mob boss and Robert looks concerned and stuff. Also Robert would never be able to shut Aaron down~~ lbr.

Doug is not really much of a believer in Chas’ PTSD. He decides to open the pub at the same time as Zak and Aaron decide to do the same and the three clash over Diane and Chas. Doug and Zak ultimately decide to try and run the pub together, even though they’re arguing like cats and dogs.

Aaron and Robert bump into each other round the back like Romeo and fuckin Juliet, what with their families all ancient blood breaks to new mutiny etc. Robert says he’s sorry about Chas’ PTSD diagnosis and Aaron gives him a civil little nod. Except Rob is really trying to get Aaron off the scent of who shot him - which Aaron realises immediately.

See, Aaron cared about finding out for his mum, yes, but now that she’s getting help, he’s switched to caring about finding out who the fuck he served all that god damn time in prison for. And he ain’t resting til he knows “who pulled that trigger and why [Robert is] protecting them”.

Classic rivalry.

Doug is out working the bar and talking shit about the Dingles and Chas’ PTSD. No one is here for Doug’s misunderstanding of her mental health but especially not Aaron, who starts threatening Doug because threatening violence against old people is Aaron’s speciality.

Aaron retreats to the back and Robert follows him, spotting a cheeky lil opportunity.

He walks in there and says “You really need to listen” and Aaron isn’t really here for that, he’s mostly just worried about his mum. Rob is all, “You want Doug off your case and I’m your man” and Aaron says “YOU’RE NEVER GONNA BE THAT AGAIN XOXO” loooooool jokes not even slightly true good one baaaaabe

Robert is like “...maybe I deserve that” (whilst dying inside probs) and then says that maybe he can get Aaron to trust him again at least.

LIKE. ROBERT IS DOING THIS TO COVER ANDY’S TRACKS BUT HE’S ALSO HELLA DOING THIS TO TRY AND INCH BACK INTO AARON’S GOOD BOOKS AGAIN. WE NEED TO ALL JUST REALISE THIS REALITY.

AARON IS ALL “YOU KNOW WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR UR SHOOTING BITCH” AND ROBERT IS JUST FULL ON LIKE “YEP BUT IT’S NOT WHAT U THINK” and tbh at this point Aaron should have just assumed it was Andy bc who the fuck else out of the suspects would he cover for?

BUT ANYWAYS, ROB IS LIKE “I SWEAR ON DIANE’S LIFE I DON’T KNOW WHO SHOT ME” and that’s the truth i guess god bless. He then adds on, “it’s about a grudge that’s been going on a long time and you digging is only gonna fuck this up even more smh” which. Again. How does Aaron not put two and two together here god damn.

ANYWAYS Rob realises that Aaron has no reason to trust him so he offers him a deal - Aaron stops digging and Robert will get Doug off Chas’ case. Aaron accepts but says that if Robert lets him down, he won’t stop.

Because Aaron knows not to trust Robert.

CUT BACK TO THE BAR and Aaron and Rob are chilling out whilst Doug is still talking shit, bless him.

Aaron starts up the threats again and Rob tries to get onto Doug’s good side and then offers to have a word with Aaron. Aaron is all “what the hell bitch where’s your end of the bargain” and Rob is like “I am working on it but maybe try cutting out the fucking death stares” and then Aaron threatens Doug again because… idk Aaron just loves threatening violence against old people, it’s amazing.

Rob tries to get on Doug’s level by saying HEY LET’S PROVE CHAS IS FAKING HER PTSD and then suggests that they speak to Emma to get her to help prove it. Emma comes along and Robert and Doug go and sit with her to talk. Robert asks Aaron to help Zak behind the bar while they talk and Aaron, absolutely unwilling to help Robert help Chas, is all “since when did you give out orders?” and Rob rolls his eyes and says “Just do it please” and honestly

They’re basically married fight me.

Emma tells Doug that Chas is absolutely not faking her PTSD and that the doctors who have diagnosed her would know if she were trying to fake it to get off from punishment of stabbing Diane. Doug accepts this and offers Aaron an apology, because he’s a good and pure soul.

Aaron is characteristically the least fucking grateful human at Doug in response to this, but he gives Robert a little nod in thanks all the same.

THEY. ARE. IN. LOVE.

OK YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M STOPPING THIS HERE BECAUSE BABY, WE’RE HEADING INTO A NEW ERA IN THE NEXT PART, AS WE ALL WELL KNOW. Thank u for reading and i love u all.

Next up: Robert and Aaron might not technically be together, but emotionally speaking they’re back in a god damn relationship and there’s nothing u can do about it.

#the robron rejection compendium #robron #meta #emmerdale

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