#fuckkkckck i was so pleasantly sedated for a bit why do i always manage to do this

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

Sometimes I wonder if it would've fucked me up less or worse if it had been a more 24/7 thing

#why yes i got triggered on tungle dot com #please don't take this as me sayin i ever wanted it to be it's just. wonderin if bein alone n ignored 90% of the time did more damage #probably not though cause i think that was more or less doll's experience n he's. not rly doin that great #at least i managed to retain some level of independence #prob made me feel even more worthless but. at least i figured out how to function in the world on my own pretty fast #just with a fucked sense of bodily autonomy #fuckkkckck i was so pleasantly sedated for a bit why do i always manage to do this #somethin about the way he's with doll fucks me up cause it's like he thinks it's a perfectly acceptable n healthy dynamic #like does he actually think he's just a dom instead of the abusive prick he really is? or is he just pretendin to avoid any accountability? #uggfhhhhh fucking gross #i've had to explain the basic definition of free informed consent to doll & silk so many times but i think they've finally grasped it #probably no use tryin with val. he just doesn't care. the only thing that matters is if he can do it & any potential consequences (to him) #i really really wish he'd just. fucking drop dead. but nooo no permadeath in the headspace so tough shit. never gonna be free. #spdrvent