#frequent that that desire is there like the overwhelm threshhold keeps getting closer and closer to my everyday life and that scares me tbh

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

when I love something this much and get overwhelmed by it whyyyye does it then make me want to harm

#like it happens more and more often lately #and i don't! like I'm couple hours over 29 days clean rn. so it's not like i indulge the desire or anything. it just gets more and more #frequent that that desire is there like the overwhelm threshhold keeps getting closer and closer to my everyday life and that scares me tbh #bc im not even back at uni yet #this is why i think it's veryvery likely that the habit will :) return :) with a vengeance during uni :) (aaaaaa :(((( ) #tw sh #personal #puddleglum hours #i don't UNDERSTNAD this i hate it #i hate it so damn much #can i just. does that mean i cannot actually experience things that bring me pleasure because somehow that magically translates to #'go harm so you can calm down' like what is my brain doing i hate this #also it makes it harder to breathe as wel apparently #and ive got hardlyanything done this evening and i had stuff to do :< #so! i had a wonderful time watching that film and now i hate myself :)