that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them
but. does ivan know that…?
the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love?
probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself
because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this
and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"
but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching
he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—
surely this selfish wanting can’t be love
...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much
but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all
only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die
but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...
I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)
but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself
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ok alien stage fans dont hate me for what im about to say im just throwing the IDEA out there okay. but just listen
you know how we have these two promo images of ivan and till?
("observation" and "decision" by vivinos)
paralleling their young selves and their current selves. young ivan sits with till and happily watches him sing, older ivan stares more seriously at till as they're about to enter the contest, having just made some sort of decision (we don't know what exactly that means yet. to lose? to not compete? to tie? to... win? given his convo with sua that might be the "nicer" option in his mind)
and now the promo art for round 6 dropped, "cure"
its OBVIOUSLY playing on paralleling these shots again. this time it seems to be after till got punished and is asleep or unconscious (or maybe he just has his eyes closed, but i dont think hes awake- he's not the type to be so chill about the face touching)
what if... its also meant to parallel a "future" shot? just like the previous two?
if till ends up dying this round (SAD!) we could end up seeing the second half of it. with ivan's hand on till's corpse. but this is pure conjecture, not super likely. im just saying is all.
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the latest comic has to be my favorite one yet. i was begging for ivansua crumbs and got a feast. they knew!! they knew of each other‘s dark sides!!!
ivan is obviously projecting onto sua HARD and it's not the first time we see him criticize her way of doing things.
the other time was when he told her that they both know the effort she puts in getting good grades is "meaningless" which already implied that he saw through her intentions all along, because why bother studying if she wanted to die for mizi to begin with?
I think the reason ivan is so cruel to sua specifically besides his self hatred/him seeing himself in her is envy. the major difference between him and sua is that what ivan and till have will never be on par with what mizi and sua have, so even if ivan were to sacrifice himself now, he'd be closer to ending up as "mere trauma" to till than sua to mizi. sua is mizi's universe, her god and vice versa so her "miserable" and "pitiful" actions will bear so much more meaning than his' since till doesn't see ivan as such. (i also think what ivan said to sua was only half correct cause while sua's death has been extremely traumatic for mizi i'm convinced it is that what will drive her to keep going and it'll be shown in the future.)
anyways to make matters worse, ivan has already risked it all for till and him to escape together once which didn't work out. it might explain why he absolutely detests the idea of sua's self sacrifice. it is selfish and leaves the other person scarred, you’re essentially dumping your burdens on them and running away from responsibility. ivan knows and says this but he's considered it before as well which makes him look hypocritical. so he vents his own frustrations out on sua who's- according to him- just as twisted. but he’s probably much more twisted than she is because at the end sua didn’t even grace him with an answer. as observant as she is, she has never once thought about being similar to him.
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