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supernovafeather · 8 months

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Crushed Souls

FO!Poe Dameron x FO!F!Reader

Summary : Reader is part of Poe Dameron's new squadron a few years after the war and confesses what made her feel so uneasy lately.

Content : age gap (older Poe), mutual pining, mentor/apprentice, war, fluff, angst.

Please comment and reblog.

(Yes that's Leto Atreides on the gif but this version of Poe looks like him)

Anxiety had been a constant companion lately. After all joining the legendary Commander Poe Dameron's squadron was the ultimate reward you could hope after the First Order's victory. Your missions would revolve around the solar system's safety by securing the different commercial routes. You would get deployed anywhere Poe Dameron demanded and you and the other pilots would follow him without a question and without a doubt. If you all had to spend a night in some shady cantina in an area controlled by the First Order you would go there. If your destination was some dark forest you would go there. If it needed you to fly above some megalopolis for several hours in a row you would do it. The thing was, you felt as if you did not deserve such an honor. Your young age attracted many comments amongst the soldiers both negatively and positively. Some would say you were there just as a propaganda tool to widen the recruits range, or because you had sex with an officer to get promoted, or maybe you had some influential father. Others would think too highly of you because they were convinced you must be some potential future ace that would replace Poe Dameron one day and that after all you must be one already to join him so quickly.

Just like now you felt like a fraud just for flying side by side with him during this routine patrol. The mere action of watching your radars and listening to basic comms of your squadron members messing with each other in a friendly was enough to make you feel abnormally lonely. Poe sounded especially tolerating with their antics and seemed to be in a great mood, specifically what you would love to join in a more normal day. Some thought he had a soft spot for you as you were the youngest of them all and maybe they weren't that wrong about it.

"Come on the rabid one, you can do better, over," the Commander said with an audible smile.

Poe certainly liked to taunt you and sharpen your skills but you still felt how rigid he could be unexplainably during missions. If at first you assimilated it to mysoginistic disdain from an older male pilot towards a young and impulsive female pilot you started to think of it more as a need of not repeating some past mistakes. He loved to repeat how reckless he used to be, how impressive his stunts were against X-Wings, how many times he almost died. The only thing that would kill you in this post-war era was your ability to cause your own stress gnawing you from the inside. So for once you didn't reply to his sentence. As Poe wasn't insisting you listened to another pilot without actually listening. Your brain moved to its auto mode and managed to filter successfully what was an order and what was stupid.

Even after landing on the temporary base consisting of a spot near a river you felt haunted by this imposter syndrome, lightheaded as if you didn't belong to that friendly atmosphere surrounding you. You chose to isolate yourself by acting more useful and sat at the entrance of your tent. Not that your eyelids heavy with slumber would be really effective with those millions of raindrops pouncing onto the trees and ground but you still wanted to feel fully as part of your crew. And yet you managed to miss the silhouette sprinting in your direction, Poe's weight heavier due to the water soaking his clothes and dark mop of hair. Fortunately you for the time to roll to the side to avoid him, and witnessed him falling onto the tent floor as a loud laugh escaped his lips.

"Well I guess you wanted to get rid off us all now, good job but you could do better. Not ready to drown today."

Maybe it was Poe's own tiredness he tried to hide with that smug grin but he did look older than on the propaganda flyers dating back from the war. Of course he was older, not only with his features but also some patches in his hair getting clearer or this beard he seemed to groom with much care. Despite his recent childish actions he couldn't appear any more as the reckless and naïve yet talented pilot choosing space dangerous adventures to save the galaxy from the Resistance. He was an experienced Commander that survived a war that took away too many souls from both sides. His charm remained there, only more mature looking.

"Oh. Well how shameful that would be to drown on the floor anyway," you stuttered as you sat up. "Exactly. Now tell me why you want to stay alone in your corner when we are supposed to be a team."

Benevolent voice, stern eyes. The usual when it came to scolding you indirectly. You ignored his heavy boots soiling the tent floor around the entrance now that he took them off. Cold water kept on dripping down his hair and beard.

"I needed some time alone. As there is no emergency and as we are in a safe territory, I considered that guarding the area would be…"

Your words died down at the warning sent by his displeased face. Poe knew precisely when to detect lies. You suspected him of being a liar in his past.

"My orders were clear. We have to turn our tents towards each other so that we can keep an eye on everyone. Radars and patrols will take care of the rest with much more efficiency due to that weather." "I'm sorry sir. This won't happen again."

Regrets and guilt made your body feel smaller than ever as you stared at the ground, your chest heavy. Between exhaustion and negative thoughts, anger and tears started to get hard to keep at bay. So you focused on your nails picking on your pants while listening to Poe wiping his face and hair with some tissue.

"I know you're having a hard time but I need you to focus," he mumbled as he sat down closer to you, "and for that I also need you to tell me the truth. Is there any reason for you to disobey?" "I… I don't want to disobey. It's just that… I mean I am not feeling well. And it leads me to disobey when it's not my intention to do so."

The man hummed as he kept on drying himself, then you watched his hands resting on his knees.

"You were silent today," he stated gently. "Yeah… I didn't feel like joking around." "Something I said?"

A quick "no" of your head gave your answer and you took the hand reaching for you. Poe's skin felt fresh and you shivered at this contact.

"Sorry for that," he chuckled, "but I know someone needing some advice from the old man I am, am I wrong?"

You grinned before looking up at his warm eyes and just by doing that you felt better already. A beautiful and comforting brown that had seen so many terrifying things without losing hope or care. This inspired you a lot at your arrival in his squadron. Relaxing a bit more, you handed him a large sponge towel that rested in one of your travel bags. The Commander thanked you with that same gaze and you looked away as he rubbed it all over his wet clothes.

"I might… need some… advice," you confirmed reluctantly. "Oh, well, who doesn't. So… what's bothering you?" "I don't feel as… deserving of being part of your squadron. I'm never good enough, funny enough, serious enough, useful enough, and as we don't really have any major enemy it's like this squadron doesn't need as many pilots as there are today."

The man got as silent as paralyzed for a short time before kneeling in soft motions, his hands holding the folded sponge towel against his thighs as he sent you a comprehensive look.

"Isn't that the good ol' imposter syndrome if I see one," he commented with a smile. "Maybe. Personally I call that a good sense of reality." "We all called that thing in a similar way. I know how that feels. I know the dread it causes. Not good, not good. Why do you think you don't belong there with us?"

The hands resting on your shoulders hold them right, just enough to anchor you to this world and that yes, Poe Dameron himself was your Commander for real and that he wanted to understand you more instead of seeing you as a dead weight.

"I've heard how traumatic the war has been on our soldiers so don't get me wrong but… I feel like I should take part to something bigger than just patrols. I have my strengths and my weaknesses and I should use them wisely instead of hinting down some weird creatures or clans or pirates attacking merchants." "It sounds pretty wise to me not to take inconsiderate risks when there is none to take." "I don't know… I've grown up to propaganda telling me not to shy away at any threat, that I should jump into combat mode whenever I see a danger so I could be useful. I want to be part of something bigger. It sold me camaraderie, team work to kill off rebels. And here I am calculating asteroid's trajectory and shooting at drunkards thinking that attacking small ships is the greatest idea of their life."

You might have gotten a little carried away by your diatribe but the look of absolute softness in Poe's face was everything.

"Look at you, talking like my young self instead of wanting to acknowledge reality. I miss it sometimes."

The slight trembling of his lips stopped in less than a second but punched you in your guts. Poe Dameron fighting off rebels during incredible battles couldn't suprise you but him crying? No. Impossible. He was an intense guy but mature, a military man that carried a good part of the Order's offensives on his shoulders couldn't cry. He was solid as beskar.

"I don't like it when people cry," you commented awkwardly. "I get it. Wasn't that supposed to be the rebels only that would cry at their downfall while we would celebrate our victory, our freedom and our superiority?"

Some vague slogan similar to his sour words flashed before your eyes. Then the ones claiming that the First Order's wives cried the troops that perished. Then another one claiming that only rebels and their allies would suffer. Then back to the First Order orphans mourning their fathers. This time it was your turn to repress some tears and you hid your face in your hands, rubbing your cheeks and temples as exhaustion was winning its way through each of your nerves.

"I just want to find my place into something bigger. More important," you complained. "I think the same sometimes. Then I remember I wouldn't have much to do out of our fleet. I don't want to become a farmer or a merchant. Not anymore at least. Flying is what gives me the most the impression of being free despite all the calculation and discipline required."

Poe came closer again, sitting right by your left. The hand he extended towards you reached for the small tear escaping the corner of your eye.

"I'm not crying," you protested weakly. "I know. It's exhaustion. I used to say that too."

With a mere gesture of his arms opening he welcomed you warmly in his embrace. This unthinkable situation helped you release a few more tears that had nothing to do with fatigue and he frowned at the tension present in your stiff body.

"Can you sleep these days?" "No. I tried but I stopped," you whined.

Trusting him fully, you let him guide your weight so that you were lying back against the floor, the back of your head resting on his belly and the rest of your upper body between his legs that hold you firmly.

"Close your eyes. It's going to help," he instructed.

That position already started to lure your muscles into a sleepy state, and your heavy eyelids closed by themselves while Poe was rubbing your temples gently with his fingers. His skin warmed up during the time spent in your tent and his touch felt amazing. And just like that you welcomed his face massage as his spread his fingers and palms on your forehead, cheeks, chin, on the bridge of your nose, whenever you needed it. The hypnotizing circles as well as your own breathing slowing down brought you closer and closer to sleep.

"You're more useful than you think," he said after a while, "I wish you were part of my squadron during that war. I know I would be able to count on you no matter what. You're the kind of person I would be grateful to dedicate my life for."

His words reached your ears but you were too far gone to even react at them. Your jaws opened a while ago, completely relaxed by his ministrations. Your brain kept on registering his touch, the intensity, your breathing, his breathing, his skin's warmth. You let him keep you in that position and also let him grab your hands so that he could start massaging those parts.

"I hope you can sleep better after this," he whispered, "you deserve it. By the way do you think you'd be available for dinner once back at the base?"

A discreet and undecipherable mumble from you later and you fell into the deepest sleep of your life.

- - - -

Thanks for reading please comment and reblog if you liked it !

@queen-of-elves @qrjung

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #fo!Poe dameron #fo!Poe

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kittyofalltrades · 1 year

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Do Poe and First Order Poe have the same kinks? Where do they divert from each other? Thoughts on the matter?

So I have some thoughts on that very subject. Idk how to organise these thots but they coming in hot.

18+ Only MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Commander Poe Dameron of the Resistance

Poe is the hero of the Resistance, for obviously the man is into praise, giving and receiving. He can't stand the thought of degradation even if you ask nicely, not for him. He loves being called a good boy.

He has a Rank kink. Yes, he wants to be called Commander while he is balls deep. If you whisper it in his ear, he is likely to cut short whatever he is doing to get you some place private.

Minor Daddy kink. Likes the idea of being called Daddy but prefers Commander.

Poe really enjoys having his hair pulled. He doesn't keep it that length for no reason. If you crank his shit, he just might melt in your hand.

He enjoys being bound, losing control while you tease him with his title, while he can't do much is like spice running through his veins.

The mask kink...looking at you, Zorii Bliss...

Poe enjoys light choking as well, just the weight of your hand on his throat is good enough for him. But he knows you like it a little harder and will do it.

Being in the resistance doesn't lend a lot of privacy so he's used to quick dirty fucks in odd places. Supply closets, the mess hall, in the Falcon, Leia's office a few times, not that he'd cop to that one.

After you're done, he'll ask for reassurances that everything is well and good between you.

Captain Poe Dameron of the First Order

Captain Dameron is a little harder to pin down. But one thing for certain is he uses praise and degradation like weapons. He enjoys using both calling you his pretty little slut or his good girl/boy. He doesn't need your praise, but your attempts to degrade him make him giddy.

He doesn't care for any title in the bedroom except Sir. What else would you need to call him? Daddy is completely off the table for him, so is his rank.

Captain Dameron rather enjoys having his hair pulled. He keeps it well groomed so that you can mess up it later, and in return he pulls for hair, using it as a lever to direct your actions.

He likes to fuck in front of mirrors, whether it's vanity or just him liking to make you watch yourself come apart on his cock. He is into it.

Captain Dameron doesn't like to be bound, not at all. He doesn't like his control being taken away, but he does like taking away your control and having you tied to his bed spread eagle is the best way to do that.

No mask kink here. He spends too much time in his helmet and around troopers to think it's exciting.

Captain Dameron has a knife kink. Just....make of that what you will....

He also throughly enjoys choking. Being choked and doing the choking. Once he finds out you are okay with it, he will wrap his large hands around your throat as often as possible. Even in spaces where it's not appropriate.

He is also shameless. Being fucked where you shouldn't be when you shouldn't be is the norm for him. He likes to fuck you whenever the mood strikes and those nearby know to make tracks because his temper is legendary. Not as great as Kylo Ren's, but nobody wants to risk it.

Finally, Captain Dameron has an oral fixation. He likes to play with his lips, dragging his fingers across in a slow movement. Not meant to be seductive, but it is, anyway. He also likes to have his fingers in your mouth being sucked on.

Whelp that's not even the half of the thots I have but...it's a start.

#poe dameron #fo!poe dameron #damn dameron x2 #star wars #poe dameron smut

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melodygatesauthor · 1 year

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Star Wars

Masterlist

Short Blurbs - Little blurbs about the characters

Ficlets - Under 1k Word Count

~ All fics in this category are only one chapter ~ One-shots - 1k - 3.5k Word Count Short Stories - 3.5k - 7.5k Word Count

Mini-series - Multi-chaptered Fics - Under 40k Word Count

Novels - Multi-chaptered Fics - Over 40k Word Count

Extras - Book covers/Relevant Blurbs/e.t.c for my fics Character AI Bots - Roleplay AI bots created by me

Back to Main Masterlist

#star wars #kylo ren #poe dameron #dark!poe dameron #fo!poe dameron #first order poe dameron #dark poe dameron #yandere kylo ren #ben solo

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millllenniawrites · 2 years

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do y'all want the next part of dear love of mine next or a dark!fo!poe dameron fic?

#poe dameron x reader #ive worked on both today and they both need more time #but i could get one finished for the weekend probably #dear love of mine #fo!poe dameron

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nowritingonthewall · 2 months

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#oscar isaac #poe dameron #star wars #the rise of skywalker #zorii bliss #keri russell #chrissie gifs #It's crying over Poe hours #This is such a heartbreaking scene and I've hardly ever seen it giffed before 🥺#also #the way he goes from being all giddy over seeing a fo captain's medallion for the first time to being so vulnerable in front of Zorii #within seconds is just so nölkfneööealkflewöfjesökld I love him so much 🥺

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queen-of-elves · 1 year

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The adoration in your eyes

FO!Poe x FO!reader

A/N: I love @supernovafeather FO!Poe fics and I just had to write a bit for this idea too. Poe is a little puppy here, he is just a little simp in this and I couldn’t help myself, ‘kay?? Not proof-read, I am a tired college student w finals on my ass + I hope to write more for FO!Poe and I started writing a sort of Poe’s pov of this

A/N2: I am also working on WIPs for prepkid!Armitage Hux, some Dieter Bravo and I have still some little drabble for Bill Weasley in the work. :))

Summary: You are one of the main captains of the First Order and your cold demeanor and pristine reputation precedes you. Deemed as a sort of Ice Queen you haven’t even realized the cocky pilot from your squadron that flirts with you, is simply just a lovesick boy.

Word count: over 1.5K

Your black uniform fitted you perfectly, and even though most of it was obscured by a long coat shielding you from the harsh cold of the First Order, you could feel his eyes on you. The one pilot trying to pierce you with his gaze, unmoving and scorching the back of your head and the tight bun you had styled your hair in. He was an excellent pilot and if it weren’t for the confidence you hold for your own skills you would feel threatened by his abilities when it came to his x-wing piloting. However, no matter how good he was, he was always cocky and a wild card in your squadron and not entirely in the good sense. Sure, you could always be sure that he had your back on every mission but he was almost uncharacteristically loyal to you, it was almost worrying. And since he ascended into your squadron and into its main squad he was dubbed your little puppy, completely behind your back. Because if it was on you, you would have stopped this nonsense a long time ago, before it even had a chance to start.

At first you didn’t understand and deemed it as bullying within your team but it soon turned out the nickname had a good reason for existing. Poe Dameron really was often found just a few steps behind you, following you around like an eager puppy, and if he was not, he was carrying out an order you gave him even more eagerly, even though you didn’t give him any reason for such a behavior. You should have expected it the moment you met him and you surely couldn’t forget the first meeting with the cocky pilot.

**************

His initial flirting comment caught you off guard, you were introducing yourself to new recruits and welcoming them in the program for their evaluation. From the start you had noticed him, with his disheveled hair and open uniform jacket, truly unfit to be standing in front of you in such a state and on top of it with such a disarming smile. Eager new soldier, you couldn’t blame him for it, he wouldn’t be the first or the last but the comment was what you could not accept.

“Your name, recruit?” Your voice rang over the sound of machinery moving in the hangar and stopping the other officer from continuing the introduction. All of the recruits straightened their backs, even the one you pinned down with your gaze, however, his smile was unmoving.

“Poe Dameron, ma’am.” Your initial scolding was completely forgotten and replaced with a shock that ran through your whole body. As a woman in such a high position you were used to some comments regarding your higher commanding post and the fact that you were a young woman on top of it. But his comment held no malice, it was a simple sentence you could only label as a flirt, considering his smirk at the last word and very obvious wink directed at you. It was not only the smirk at the end of his sentence or the wink but also the MA’AM in itself. Yes, you were older than him but you were yet to be addressed as ma’am.

Sporting back your scattered mind and expression in the moment, you finally scolded him but this time not for the state of his uniform. “It’s captain, recruit. Be sure to remember it for the next time,” boots squeaking on the polished metal surface, you turned to the officer helping you with the introduction and responsible for the education of the soldiers,”this time, I will let it slide. But it won’t happen again.” It was cruel to direct your cold stare to him but you were unable to face the cocky recruit without the corner of your right eye twitching. He was the first one to catch you off guard in a really long time, last time must have been when you were new at the Finalizer, a silly little recruit, or maybe in your years at Academy. One thing was for sure, it wouldn’t happen again and you would make sure of it.

***************************

Well you were wrong, oh how very wrong you were that day. Not only that but his evaluation placed him on a map for potential new pilots for your squadron too. It seemed you couldn’t get rid of this guy and he now seemed only there to just annoy you. Soon his excellent piloting skills got him into your personal squad, containing the best of the best who were ready for the toughest missions. Just like you years back, he was ascending in ranks quite quickly.

So maybe he was trying to get to you, throw you off balance, make a mistake and take your position. Maybe he was trying to get in your good grace, ask for favor, if you even were capable of one, for only his interior motives. Paranoia was truly settling in and you were unable to figure it out cause nothing of it seemed to fit.

This stupid pilot just seemed happy and satisfied with… making you happy? If the word happy could be used for your still cold stare, after all you had a reputation to uphold. He was always glowing when you received him in your office to get his report on the mission. Wide smile and dimples adoring his face while he held up the document containing written down happenings from the last mission you sent him on, just like now.

Skipping through the written words so you could send him on his merry way, his smile had yet to falter, it might have even grown while you pinched your eyebrows together in frustration. You could feel his soft gaze following your every move, every little tap of your finger on the side of the document. Only when you popped your lips did you call him from his dazed state, his focus returning.

“The adoration in your eyes is really scary, you know that right?” You lifted your eyes, peering at this stupidly handsome pilot through your lashes causing him to chuckle. The chuckle soon erupting into loud laughter. You were aware that his laugh was sweet, sweeter than any honey you have ever tasted, and Maker did you want to smile at his reaction. His laughter was still ringing throughout your office but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. You and your mind were too used to holding it all in. Appear as cold as you can and no one can strike you down. No one can get to you, no one can ridicule you and no one can rid you of your so hard fought position, if you just harden your facade.

And now you couldn’t hear his laugh anymore, your ears still searching for any far echo of it in these walls but there was nothing, he was quiet now. It chilled you to your bones, the need to feel the warmth of the sound again. You kept the walls for so long you didn’t notice them slowly crumbling, seeking wanderers to look inside and to reach out to greet you. In the end you were just a silly little human desperate for any kind of connection.

Crushing down your pride or something that in your head resembles it, you tried to engage your face muscles again. Forcing an uncomfortable gesture on the surface. Your gaze moving on the far right corner of your office next to his left hip. The leather and metallic chair you have been sitting in and usually felt overly confident, was digging into your flesh and suffocating you inside your own body. Dameron must have sensed your discomfort and offered an escape in the form of his words.

“I think you like it. Considering you never smile.” Scratch that those were not words of comfort or an escape route you could run down and hide from your crooked smile and the fear of reaching out to others. That was a trap, a trap to get you and bring you down as the wounded animal you actually were.

“Don’t get used to it.” You finally spoke with a calm voice, completely composed and back to your pristine image of a ranking officer. This answer seemed to spark something in him, his quiet state disappearing once again and being morphed into sunshine shining in front of you.

“We will see.” Poe murmured with a shy smile adoring his face. Normally, any kind of officer would get the hint to leave your office, Poe was nothing but normal when it came to you though. He straightened up, hands parallel to his hips with nervous twitch in the tips of his finders. He was eager for another order, another mission to complete for you, to repeat this interaction again and as soon as possible. Your squad was right, Poe Dameron, an excellent pilot, turned into a puppy in your presence. Happy to serve and to satisfy your expectation no matter what you would throw at him. This could only end badly but Maker, you will enjoy the ride to the horrible ending.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #star wars fanfiction #isa writes #fo!poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x reader au #oscar isaac x reader

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halfwaythereroyalwrites · 2 years

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You know it’s been a while since you’ve updated your fics when you (the author) has to re-read your own work to remember where you left off.

#Poe dameron x reader #fo! poe dameron x reader #yes I will be updating Trust in Me #all it took was a year hiatus and a trip to Disneyland #Star Wars land resurrected the fan girl in me

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runa-falls · 9 months

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screaming with moots masterlist

i thought it would be fun to keep a list of my ramblings with my amazing moots bc these ideas are too good to get lost in the void (my insanely crowded blog)!

please read content warnings (cw) before diving in :^)

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chef!miguel o’hara - @missdictatorme

cw: suggestive content, fluff/angst, big simp!mig

jake lockely smoking while he fucks the reader* - @whatthefishh

cw: smoking, weed, voyeurism, sex while under the influence

single dad!miguel x preschool teacher!reader - @campingwiththecharmings

cw: none, just fluff!!

moon boys w/ sex pollened!gf* - @romanarose

cw: potential dub-con, overstimulation, tag teaming?

mig's nano-tech closet + it's malfunction*- @missdictatorme

cw: mentions of naked cuddling and cockwarming -- somnophilia (bro idfk), slight size kink (I JUST KEEP ADDING TO THE CW'S 💀)

the moon boys fuck with the suit on (increased stamina)* - @melodygatesauthor

cw: multiple orgasms, overstimulation, marking, degrading words, the suits, mention of chasing rp

blow jobs, overstimulation, and feral!steven* - @missdictatorme

cw: overstimulation, hair pulling, choking/gagging, slight dacryphilia, degrading words, sore/fucked out throat idk

poe dameron x FO!reader* - @campingwiththecharmings

cw: mentions of torture/violence, potential dub-con elements, edging, sub!poe, stockholm syndrome, poe is so pretty 🥺

headcannons for drunk!moon boys* - @missdictatorme

cw: ahhh so much fluff + cuteness, filterless!steven, soft!marc, chaotic!jake, a little drunk fucking

knight!miguel x princess!reader* - @missdictatorme

ft. @campingwiththecharmings with her INSANE TAGS

cw: feral!reader, protective!miguel, assassination attempt, non-explicit smut

mafia boss!miguel x rival's wife!reader* - @campingwiththecharmings

cw: mentions of infidelity, smut (AH WHITNEY), jealousy, unhappy marriages/life :(

fruit play with marc* - @romanarose

cw: smut, food play, juices EVERYWHERE, marc is so hot

#moots #screaming with moots #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara smut #moon knight #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley smut #steven grant x reader #steven grant smut #marc spector x reader #marc spector smut

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have-you-seen-my-sanity · 2 months

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Your only chance

(dark!)Yandere FO!General Poe Dameron x gn!reader

Category: Twisted Letter - I recommend you read the informations for twisted letters first ->here<- if you haven't already.

Dead dove do not eat - you'll get exactly what's in the warnings!

Warnings: NSFW, Poe is a perv, mention of male masturbation, possessive Poe, yandere themes(?), dirty thoughts.

Hello Precious,

do you miss me? Did you think about me? Because you can bet I sure did miss you. I bet the Resistance has some real trouble without me by their side. I'm gonna be honest with you here, let me spill the beans: remember my last mission a few months ago when the Resistance - you, saw me for the last time?

I switched sides. I joined the First Order, I was sick of constantly losing my friends, always running, always fighting, over and over again. I just couldn't stand it anymore. Call me crazy if you want but I made a decision. As the First Order became stronger, I began to realize that fighting against them would make everything worse for the Galaxy.

It's true the First Order suffers under being called the big bad evil, just like the Galactic Empire, but it really just depends on the leaders. After I joined them they of course interrogated me, I spilled everything about the Resistance I had, every top secret operation, revealed the bases, and I even snitched about some Resistance spies within the First Order.

And you know what they did? What they gave me in return? They promoted me to a General, they gave me my own fleet to command, my own loyal Stormtroopers, my own Resurgent Star Destroyer.

The First Order welcomed me, they gave me power. And all that just because I did the right thing - to fight for the right side.

But enough about me, let's talk about you.

Did you know I had - still have - a crush on you? From the very first day you joined the Resistance. I can still remember how Leia introduced you to me. She gave me the order to make sure you were prepared for your tasks. I did just that, watched you doing your tasks, and I liked what I saw.

In the following weeks you became a good member, following your orders obediently, you were proud of being in the Resistance. And I'm pretty sure you knew how much I liked you - how much I wanted you...

I mean, didn't you notice how I was looking at you every time during briefings? Perhaps not because I was almost always sitting at the darker corner of the room.

Whenever I praised you, putting a hand on your shoulder, it always stayed there for a moment longer than necessary. I just liked touching you...

I gotta admit, everytime when I saw someone else touching you I just wanted to rip them apart...

But don't worry, I wasn't mad at you for flirting or touching someone else - after all you didn't knew about my secret crush on you, so I forgive you.

And speaking of touching...

I bet you knew how flirty I could get sometimes, but you didn't know how dirty I can get, right?

How you thought I wouldn't pump my fist up and down my rock hard cock after thinking about you every single night? Sometimes, late at night I even paid you visits, stroking my cock over, and over again until I shot my cum on your thigh. Almost every night, again and again... I wished you could have been awake to see how hard you made me, how you made me feel, how feral you've made me...

The things I wanted to do with you. You don't know how hard I fought the urge to just wake you up and fuck you stupid, ravage your body until morning...

And now that I'm at the First Order? Now I want you back. I want to show you how good it is to be on my side.

I'm going to make sure you will belong to me, just like back in the Resistance...

You may not know it but you've always belonged to me, from day one.

I wrote you this message so you know how I feel about you, what happened to me.

I hope you read the message as soon as possible because I know exactly where you are, which base - and I'm coming.

And don't be afraid when you see my fleet arrive, you will be captured and brought to me.

But don't bother warning the Resistance, it won't change anything - even if you get evacuated from the base - I will find you eventually...

Your only chance to be part of the future of the Galaxy is with being by my side.

And lastly, don't fight against my troops or you will be stunned.

I will see you soon, Precious.

-- P. D.

#dark!poe dameron #dark poe dameron #poe dameron #yandere poe dameron #fo!poe dameron #first order!poe #first order poe dameron #oscar isaac #star wars

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the-little-ewok · 8 months

Text

Collateral Damage

Poe Dameron x G!N reader

Rating : M

Wordcount : 6800 (ish)

Warnings : Friends to lovers, sort of slow burn I suppose, angst, fluff, reader has a fear of flying, arguing, vague illusions to Poe's torture by the FO, vague mention of parental death (Poe's mom), mentions of panic attacks.

Summary : Poe finds out you are scared to fly, and makes it a personal challenge to fix that. Only spending so much time together, causes some complications.

A/N : there's a few bits here that mention Poe's past as a child which is from Freefall however there are no direct Freefall spoilers contained, and it isn't necessary to have read it to enjoy this.

To the anon that requested an angst to fluff Poe fic...I hope you enjoy!

"Poe, please don't look at me like that!" You beg.

"Like what?" Poe gives you a genuinely confused look, as though he hasn't been staring at you for the past ten minutes like you're a particularly complex puzzle he needs to work out.

"Like there's something wrong with me," you sigh, twisting the mug of tea nervously in your hands.

"I never said that! But seriously? You're scared? Of flying? This is a joke right?"

"I just think if we were made to fly we'd have wings is all." You shrug, trying to be nonchalant as you sip your drink, your fingers pressing hard into the china as you try to ignore his shock. You don't look up but you can feel his eyes burning into you.

"How did I not know this? How have you hidden it from me of all people! I'm equally impressed and offended." You suspect by his tone he's more offended than impressed, but it was never truly your intention to hide it from him. The secret just sort of… happened.

When you were children you barely knew Poe, not until after he returned to Yavin, his eyes a little darker than they had been before, his steps a little more calculated, though no less bold. When you started helping Kes out around the little farm he bought, you had gotten to know Poe a lot better. Barely tolerating him at first, before you fell into an close friendship. It had been easy enough to deny his requests to go flying with him in the early days, especially given the amount of trouble he got into.

Then when you were older Poe seemed to flit in and out of your life. Between the academy, the navy, and now the resistance, sometimes it seemed like he was never around.

But he always reappeared eventually. He came back to Yavin sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks. He used your back garden like his personal shipping yard, but you never had the heart to tell him off about it, despite the fact you had smashed more than your fair share of crockery in shock at the sudden noise of a roaring engine coming down on your house.

Everytime he asked if you wanted to go flying you found some excuse not to, sometimes elaborate ones you aren't even sure Poe believed. You assume perhaps he thought you were avoiding spending time alone with him, which was in part true some of the time.

You could have told him the truth, but the way he lit up when he talked about flying — the freedom of it, the adventure of it — had always made the words dry in your mouth. He couldn't possibly understand, and you knew he would react, well, exactly as he had.

"I didn't! You never asked, and it never came up in conversation. It shouldn't have tonight. It's irrelevant. I don't need to fly," you shrug stubbornly, wanting to get away from the topic if only to stop the quizzical gaze he's fixed you with since it came up.

"But-but there's a whole galaxy you're missing out on!" He splutters, still wide eyed with shock. "You can't tell me you want to spend the rest of your life on Yavin."

"I like Yavin!"

Poe gives a huff of disbelief at you, folding his arms.

"Liar."

"You know Poe, not all of us have the need to fly out into the night and get blown to pieces like you," you sigh, rubbing a hand over your eyes, frustrated at his reaction. "Anyways it's late. I should go."

Getting up you put your mug in the sink and grab your jacket, intent on leaving and finding some way to avoid this topic for the next however many years, probably forever.

"Hey, hey, don't go. I'm sorry, okay?" Poe begs getting up and taking a gentle grip of your arm to prevent you moving. You ignore the fire that ignites your skin where his fingers are wrapped loosely around your arm.

"Tell me what scares you? About flying I mean? Let me try and understand," he pleads.

Taking a breath you sigh. How could you explain it to someone who spent their whole life up there? How could you explain it to someone who lived and breathed the freedom of the flight?

"Pilots die, all the time. Things go wrong, fights, pirates, technical failures…" you trail off with a wave of your hand, freeing your arm from his gentle grip, not used to his touch. "I just…can't stand the thought of dying alone out there in the cold. It's hard enough worrying about that happening to you."

"You sound like my dad," Poe sighs quietly. "He didn't want me flying either. Not after my mom."

Reaching back out you squeeze his hand briefly, knowing that while the relationship between Poe and Kes had somewhat mended over the years, some cracks ran too deep to ever be fully healed.

"You know, Kes never shuts up about you flying. Always talking about what a good pilot you are and how your mom would be so proud of you, how you fly just like her. I swear it's all I heard for weeks the last time you were here."

Poe falls quiet for a long moment, deep in thought, a frown etched deep into his brow.

"He's proud of you, Poe. I know he struggles to say it sometimes, but he is," you offer gently.

Poe waves a hand nonchalantly, as though it doesn't bother him, but you know it does.

"Well you know my dad likes to keep things to himself, but apparently not from you," he eyes you somewhat suspiciously. "He likes you, you know. He told me once I should marry you. Imagine that, us, married."

He lets out a snort of a laugh as he shakes his head at the thought. You want to make a joke about it, you want to laugh it off and tell him you'd never agree to it even if he asked, but the spark of feelings you've so carefully navigated all these years flared to life suddenly and in full force at his words.

There's always been something between you, something a little more than friendship, something you both know can't be. Something both of you have avoided talking about for a long time now.

Perhaps when you were younger maybe you could have figured something out, but Poe was hardly ever around and now, well now your worlds were too far apart. Yours here on the ground, his far off in the stars. It was better not to prod too hard at open wounds, but Poe's laughter at the thought of you together, still cuts deeply.

Something must flicker across your expression because his amusement dies and Poe gives you a half smile.

"It's just, you know, you're seeing someone. Aren't you?"

"It didn't work out." You shrug as though you don't care. The truth was it never worked out, because you would always be in love with someone else. How were you supposed to give your heart away when at any given moment the one that makes it beat could drop from the sky without warning?

"Oh," he sounds genuinely sad which only drives the knife further in. You drop your eyes from his, pulling at a loose thread on your jacket as he continues. "I'm sorry. You'll meet someone else though! Although maybe…. Off this planet?"

You sigh and roll your eyes. Really you shouldn't be surprised that he found a way to spin the topic right back to your issues with flying, which you suppose was better than your love life so at least there was that.

"Oh come on. You can't be scared if you haven't tried it! Lemmie take you!" Poe sounds like an excited child on life day. Clearly the thought of conquering your fear appealed to him.

"Absolutely not! I've seen the way you fly!"

"Did you not just say even my dad thinks I'm good at flying? And besides," he leans on the counter, a shit eating grin plastering his face, "didn't you hear I'm the best pilot in the resistance?"

You roll your eyes at his cocky statement.

"Poe, I've heard a great deal of things about you over the years, not all of them I can believe and most of them I've had to defend your good name against!"

He raises an eyebrow and tilts his head like a curious loth cat.

"Like what?"

You quickly go through the ment rollerdex of things you've heard, deciding to pick out your favourite.

"Like… the time you apparently almost married a Hutt."

Poe opens his mouth and then closes it again, suddenly becoming very interested in a tin of tea on the side. He picks it up, rolling it between his palms, purposely not looking at you.

"Well, really that wasn't even my fault," he mumbles eventually, realising you aren't going to fill the expectant silence.

He can't seriously have done that? The ridiculous story can't possibly be the truth?

"You have to be kidding me! I got into the biggest argument that you wouldn't be so stupid to get into something with them. Do I even want to know the real story?"

You had vehemently defended your friend, arguing well into the night that while yes, Poe was reckless, and yes sometimes he spoke without thinking, and yes sometimes trouble found him, you were still absolutely sure the story was completely untrue. You suppose you have a few apologies to make now.

"It's not like I intended to agree to the marriage! It just sort of… happened."

You stare at him, open mouthed waiting for the rest of the story, knowing he won't be able to resist defending himself. But instead of launching into a lengthy explanation he grins, setting the tea down slowly and fixing you with an expression you are all too familiar with. The one he uses when he knows he's about to get something he wants.

"Trade. I'll fly you somewhere. Then I'll tell you."

And there it was. He knew you wanted to know the truth, unable to resist a good story about the far off places he visited and troubles he got into. You should have predicted the bastard would use that against you.

You fold your arms.

"No."

"I'll just fly you to the other side of Yavin? Short trip, in and out."

"No!"

Poe sighs dramatically, pushing himself up off the counter.

"Fine. You drive a hard bargain. I'll tell you the whole story if you let me show you around my ship and tell you how unscary it is to fly. Strictly no piloting."

"Please agree so you can both shut up. It's after midnight, and the noise you two make will bring the first order down on our heads without them even looking!" Kes Dameron booms from the hallway, making both of you jump.

"Sorry dad!" Poe yells while he gives you a grin of victory.

"Sorry Kes! I'm leaving now." With a sigh of resignation you slip on your jacket. "Fine. No flying."

"No flying," Poe agrees with a nod, holding out his hand and wriggling his fingers invitingly. You hesitate to take it, but he slides his hand into yours anyway, squeezing your fingers. "I'll walk you home."

You try not to think about how right it feels to have your hand in his.

"Poe, Poe," you repeat a little louder as he continues rambling away, pointing to the different parts of his X-Wing, a misty look in his eyes. You're sure you lost him a good while ago, and he hasn't stopped talking long enough for you to explain you have no idea what he's talking about.

"You have to put your hand up to ask a question when I'm teaching," he chides you teasingly. Rolling your eyes you put your hand up, glaring at him when he grins silently at you for a long drawn out moment. Just as your patience breaks, opening your mouth to ask anyway, he cuts in first.

"You have a question?"

"Several," you respond dryly. "Firstly, can you please slow down? I've no idea what you've been talking about for the last twenty minutes. Secondly, I'm pretty sure you've told me about everything that can go wrong and now I want to be near this thing even less. Thirdly -"

"This thing? This thing?" He interupts, his eyes going wide with shock. "This thing is a T-70 X-wing. I've done a lot of work on this thing!"

"I apologise I insulted your ship," you laugh, watching his brows pull together in an annoyed frown. Maker, Flyboys! As cute as he was you couldn't really expect any other reaction.

"Don't apologise to me. Apologise to her!" He points at his ship before he folds his arms stubbornly, as though he's actually serious. You pause for a moment, realising he is serious.

"Thirdly, I don't think this is helping and I'm sure you have better things to be doing," You continue, ignoring his sulk. Poe drops his arms, his expression softening.

"It is helping," he insists. "If you know what can go wrong then you know how to fix it, or how to account for it at the least. Then that part isn't so scary anymore. I promise."

"It doesn't feel like it's helping," you mumble, wrapping your arms around your chest, the low hum of anxiety vibrating under your ribs. "I'm sorry. I'm not being ungrateful. It's very nice of you to do this."

"You don't think I can do it," he grins and you roll your eyes at him for what feels like the thousandth time since he's been back.

"I'm not a challenge," you remind him with a glare.

"You kinda are though," he grins. Trust Poe to see this as some sort of game he can win. "Come on. You can trust me. I know about these things. How'd you think I survived this long?"

"Sheer dumb luck?"

Poe laughs, a deep elated noise that brings a smile to your lips and makes your heart ache with affection. It seems so rare these days that he truly laughs like that, and when he does, here with you, it only makes his inevitable absence harder to swallow.

"Probably a bit of that too," he admits with a shrug. "Okay, new plan."

He plonks himself down on the ground, patting the space in front of him for you. When you're settled opposite him he takes both your hands in his. When you try to pull away, the touch giving a jolt in your chest, he grips your fingers tighter, forcing you to stay with him. It's an all too familiar dance now. You push him away, and he only proceeds to try and hold you closer. When he's here you wish he wouldn't, but when he's gone, you ache for his easy familiarity.

He gives you a genuine open look, and your heart aches a little that he's truly trying to help when you feel so beyond helping.

"What do you think about when you get scared? When you think about being up there. What is it that worries you so much?"

"I guess dying alone?" You suppress a shudder at the thought of floating out there in the darkness, no one to hear you scream for help.

The pilot doesn't even miss a beat before he answers quickly.

"Okay, I'd be with you so that's not a problem. We would die together."

You glare at him, unamused. Ignoring your vehement stare he gestures for you to continue.

"Fine. Being shot out of the sky. Lot of time to think about dying while you're plummeting to the ground."

He gives you a grin, "We both know that's not an issue because I'm a great pilot, so no matter where we are I promise you I'll land safely, all parts intact, especially all the bits I like," he winks and you desperately try to ignore the flare of heat on your skin. "I've done it so many times I could do it in my sleep! Next problem."

"Kidnapped by pirates." You shoot quickly.

"They'll give you back after half an hour." Poe snorts with laughter when you reach out and slap his arm hard.

"Asshole," you grumble, fighting back a smile.

He grins at you, clearly enjoying himself at your expense and while you should mind his teasing, you find it hard to care, not when his eyes are lit up with genuine joy.

"You are really not helping," you laugh eventually, shaking your head. "I'm a lost cause."

"Not entirely, just mostly. I mean none of these are good reasons to be scared," Poe smiles and you have to admit it chafes you a little that he still doesn't seem to understand.

"I never said my fear was rational."

"It's not entirely irrational either," Poe acknowledges with a shrug, finally allowing you to pull your hands out of his while he taps his chin in thought. You curl your fingers into your palms, willing away the memory of his touch.

"What you need is a distraction!" Poe proclaims brightly. For a shocked moment you think he's talking about a distraction from him, which is entirely exactly what you need. But he keeps talking and you realise it's nothing like that, although he inadvertently makes you distracted anyway, from flying at least.

"Yeah, something to take your mind off getting up there."

You shake your head, knowing it won't work. Suddenly this whole thing seems like a bad idea. Poe wasn't one to give up, and yet over the years you've tried just about everything to get over your fear. A weariness starts to creep in, encouraging you to make your excuses and leave.

"I doubt anything would distract me that much. Anyway, I think we should do something else. Flying isn't that important." You try, knowing it's hopeless now you've encouraged him this much.

"What if I flew naked?" He grins, wiggling his eyebrows. His constant blatant flirting is starting to take a toll, and you can't muster even a smile this time. He knows, yet he does it anyway. It's infuriating sometimes, purposely poking and prodding when you're just trying to get by without spilling your heart all over the grass.

"Coming from the person who laughed at the notion of us being married, I don't see how you think I'd care about that." You don't quite mean to bite it out the way you do, but Poe ignores your attitude and leans back on his arms, gazing at you.

"Yeah, because we'd argue all day long about everything. I'd be messy, and you'd want a tidy house, we would fight over what to have for dinner, because you won't believe I'm the better cook, I'd want to paint the walls blue, but you'd want green. You'd want to live here and I wouldn't." He waves his hand, indicating that there would be a longer list of issues if he continued. "The thought of us being married is funny because it would be chaotic, not because I don't love you."

The words hit you like a shot, and judging by the look of fear on the pilot's face he probably hadn't thought them through before they left his mouth.

"Guess the cats out of the bag now. Well, suppose it was never really fully in the bag anyway," he mumbles, running a hand through his messy curls, before he stares up at the sky. "I mean, I know we've never….I know we've never gone down that road, but you know I've always had a soft spot for you."

You knew. Of course you knew. You both held an affection for each other, but you also know it wasn't meant to be. Maker knows you've spent your life trying to get over him, and Poe… well he never breathed a word about his feelings in the matter. You assumed he had moved on some time ago. If his list of conquests was anywhere half true, he moved on quite well.

You avoid his gaze, looking down at the dirt. "Love is a lot different than a soft spot. Seems funny you never mentioned that before."

Poe swallows, sitting back up properly and reaching to take your hands, you snatch them back before he has a chance, a swell of anger starting in your chest. There is no need for him to tell you this. You don't want him to tell you this. It won't make any difference to say it out loud.

"I knew I couldn't stay so what was the point? You've said yourself how much you love Yavin. Who was I to ask you to give it all up? You deserve someone who could be there for you, where you wanted to be. You still deserve someone like that."

"So why bring it up when you know it isn't you?" You snap angrily, getting to your feet, panic pulsing through your veins. While you've had this conversation a hundred times in your head, in reality you have no idea how to react. Suddenly the open wound becomes a sinkhole, and every wall you've placed around your feelings starts to crumble in. Your chest constricts with panic. He can't do this now. Not after all this time. You won't be able to rebuild what he's torn down. This will burn your friendship to the ground.

"Because I'm selfish," the pilot admits, jumping up and following you as you storm across the garden towards the house, the flaring pain in your chest getting worse with each word that leaves his mouth. You won't talk about this. You can't talk about this.

"Yes, you are! You blaze in and out of my life and everytime I think I might have a chance to mend myself, you come tearing down from the sky. Maybe it is about time to actually have this conversation so we can both move on!" You spin on your heel to face him, stepping back when he reaches for you again.

If he touches you now you won't ever be able to let him go, he'll find a way to calm you down and you don't want to be calm. You want to be angry. You want to yell, scream, and let out every feeling you've kept locked inside. You want him to feel even a small spark of what he's done to you for years. You need to be angry.

"Why can't we just be together now?" He interrupts your rant.

"What's the point, Poe? You know I won't leave, I can't leave. And you can't stay. It won't work and we both know it."

"We don't know that because we haven't tried!" He implores passionately. "You can come with me! The resistance would be lucky to have you. If you just try! If you just let me show you. I promise it's not so scary, and then we can go anywhere we like!"

"I can't do it, Poe. I just can't and there's no point trying to make you of all people understand that."

You turn to leave but this time he's quicker than you, reaching out and catching hold of your wrist.

"So this is how it ends is it? We dance around this for years and then we just do what? Give up?" The pain lacing his voice is enough to make your lip tremble as you bite back the tears.

"You're right. We've danced around this for years because we both know it isn't going to work! Why now? Why after all this time decide to drag all this up now?"

"Because we are in the middle of a war. Because I don't know what's going to happen to me tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. Because I might not be here to tell you this, and for some reason it kills me that I might be gone and you would never know that I loved you. I've waited years for you to find someone who makes you happy, someone who gives you everything I can't, but everytime I come here I know it hurts you because it hasn't happened. And I need you to know that someone, that I, love you. I don't think I can just walk away this time." He sounds resigned and it crumbles away every last brick you had to protect yourself. Poe doesn't think he's going to survive this war. In the end, he knows he's going to leave you anyway.

It makes you angry to hear him talk that way. Poe was the upbeat one. Poe was the one who always figured a way out. He doesn’t just accept the inevitable. And you don't need him concerned about you either.

"Well you should just walk away, because I don't need your pity!" You yell, feeling the hot tears escaping your eyes.

"That's not what it is!" Poe takes a breath, clearly trying to calm himself and de-escalate the situation. "I'm just trying to be honest with you for once. I can't just leave and say nothing this time."

"You mean like you have every time you disappear into the sky for months on end?" You laugh bitterly.

The pilot swallows, his eyes searching yours, pleadingly, begging you to understand why now, but the anger still swells in your chest.

"I've always come back to you. Every time I can. For Makers sake do you think I'd be here so often if you weren't?"

When you say nothing Poe frowns, reading your expression all too clearly.

"You won't even consider coming with me? You won't even try?"

You wrap your arms around your waist, holding yourself together as you shake your head.

"I can't. We can't and you know it. I…can't leave. I can't leave," you repeat in a whisper, shaking your head, the tears flowing fast down your cheeks.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry," Poe apologies softly, reaching out to take your arms, drawing you close to him. You try to fight it, pulling your body away, but Poe ignores you, holding you tight against him until you stop fighting, allowing him to hug you tightly.

"I know you can't leave," he admits, letting you go to cup your cheek, his palm warm against your cooled skin, his thumb sweeping away tears. "You don't have to, okay? Just say the word. Say the word and I'll be here, with you. I'll stay right here so we can try. Tell me that's what you want. Tell me you feel the same and I'll do it."

You know what he's offering, and you know he can't fulfil it. He's speaking without thinking it through, in desperation, trying to fix things, to fix the damage his words have done.

You wish you could accept it, but the thought of Poe grounded, here, a place he fought so hard to escape, causes an ache in your chest. You know it can't be that way.

Maybe he would give it all up for you, but it would never be enough. Not for him. Eventually the cracks would form, and he'd be gone, and leave you so much more broken than you already were.

"Tell me you feel the same," he whispers, leaning into you.

"Don't do this," you beg softly, bring your hands up to rest on his arms to push him away. You can't seem to make your body follow through with the action.

"Then stop me," Poe challenges, his hand sliding around the back of your neck. He's so close you can feel his breath against your lips, the warmth of his body against yours.

Maker, he was going to break your heart. He won't stay, he can't stay. You won't make him do that, not for you. But you're sick of fighting it, sick of trying to pretend. He's here, with you, wanting you. Just this once, once can't hurt.

The screeching beep of his comms stops you both, the sudden insistent noise cutting through the tension and your own clouded thoughts, making you step away from him quickly. Poe lets you go, his expression pained, though he doesn't move to answer the incoming call.

Swallowing hard you gesture to his pocket, refusing to meet his gaze, fearful of what you might find there.

"You should get that."

"Yeah," he nods distractedly, taking a breath and fishing the comm out. He holds it in his hands, glaring at it before his gaze flickers back to you. "Can we talk later?"

You hesitate initially but then nod. Later gave you time to think, to process everything, to try to explain to him why this can't be. Maybe you can salvage your friendship after some time apart.

A tiny voice in your head whispers the vicious truth. It was too late for that.

It's less than an hour before he leaves again, back on urgent business for the resistance. You hadn't opened the door when he came to say goodbye. You hadn't answered when he asked if you wanted him to stay, and you hadn't the strength to smile and see him off this time. He left you with the memory of his muffled voice, promising he will come back, promising he'll figure out a way to make this work, begging you to think, to try.

For once you're grateful he's gone. At least he isn't around to see the damage.

The tea Kes Dameron had pressed into your hands has long since gone cold as you stare out at the grass, little shoots growing where previously a star fighter engine had burnt them away, one that so far hadn't returned, and perhaps never would.

There's a sigh behind you, a creak of the porch steps as Kes sits down next to you. The older man had come to help you fix the flickering light in the kitchen, something you'd have once asked Poe how to fix, allowing him to instruct you via comlink, teasing and laughing at your questions and frustrations. But you hadn't spoken to Poe, not in months now, too ashamed and regretful of your behaviour, and too fearful of what speaking with him may bring up.

"He was asking about you again earlier. You can't keep avoiding his comms."

You can feel Kes's eyes on you but you refuse to look up from the dent in the grass. You don't need to ask who he means.

"I'm not. Poe calls at bad times."

Kes makes a disbelieving noise, taking the now cold mug out of your hands and setting it down to the side, making you finally look up.

"It's been a bad time for the past two months. What happened between you?" He frowns at you.

"Nothing." It was the truth. In the end nothing had happened, not really. But the almost of it, the almost hurt worse.

You don't want to talk about Poe. You don't want to think about it. But the next question slips out without you being able to stop it.

"How is he?"

Kes lets out a long breath.

"You know Poe, all smiles and reassurances but he hasn't been the same. Not since…" Kes trails off and your stomach gives a now familiar lurch at the memory of Kes turning up at your door, pale and scared, stuttering out that the First Order had captured his son. As far as you know Poe never told Kes what happened in those days he was gone, but if the stories you heard were even half true, you're surprised he made it out alive.

"He needs someone there," Kes continues eventually.

"He has his squadron." You ignore what Kes is implying. It's a conversation you've had a hundred times over now. It makes your chest ache in a now all too familiar way.

"He needs you, and for all your denial you need him. You can't spend your whole life moping around here. I can make the arrangements to get you there. You just have to say the word."

You had tried in the weeks following his departure to do as he asked, to fly. You had walked to the shipping yard every day, listened to the roar of the engines, talked to the pilots, tried with every fibre to set foot on a ship, any ship, but you couldn't do it.

You had come to accept that you were right to distance yourself. There was no way for you to be together.

"Kes, I can't do that. I… me and Poe… we just aren't… our lives don't fit together." The shame burns in your chest that you couldn't be there for him when he needed someone the most, after his escape from the First Order.

Kes scoffs in an all too familiar way. You wonder if Poe knows where he got that reaction from, if he knows how much like his father he can be.

"Don't fit together? You kids," Kes rolls his eyes. "Nothing in this life is ever easy. If you want something enough you'll find a way through it. Poe's mother," he hesitates, the words catching in his throat. It's rare for Kes to mention Shara, but when he does, it always seems it causes him physical pain. The older man swallows hard before he continues, looking up at the sky.

"She was a free spirit like Poe. But she loved with her whole heart, and so does he. He'd give up the world for you. Don't let your fear hold you back. Don't make the same mistake with him that I did. If you do, you may lose him forever."

Kes was right in a way, your fear was holding you back, it always had. You'd always known Poe's heart was in the stars, and your fear would never let you leave the ground. But Poe had offered to give his world up for you — his stars, his resistance, his freedom. Even if he couldn't stick to it, he was willing to try.

Maybe you could try again. For him.

Poe is still in his flight suit, his hair damp and messy, helmet clutched in one hand, talking animatedly with another pilot who you vaguely recognise, who apparently knows you straight away. The pilot nudges Poe — who continues to chatter away obviously— before forcefully spinning him around to point at you.

You can tell you are probably the very last person he's expecting. His eyes go wide and he blinks a few times, as though he's imagining you here. He opens and closes his mouth but whatever words he wanted to get out, don't seem to come, or at least you can't hear them across the yard.

You hadn't told him you were coming. In fact, you still hadn't answered a single one of his comms. It's not that you hadn't wanted to talk to him, but more that you hadn't wanted to disappoint him if, in the end, you couldn't go through with it. Getting here had taken weeks, the trip was rearranged three times after you found yourself unable to get on the ship, and in the end Kes had dragged you in himself and tied you into your seat, reasoning that you needed a push. He was probably right, but you would still be having words when you saw him again.

Raising a hand to Poe you give him a small wave, glad that you landed a good few hours before he returned from whatever mission run he was on this time. It had given you time to clean up and compose yourself, for the shaking to finally stop.

You hesitate in the landing bay, unsure if you should go over or stay put. Poe decides for you because the moment you move a foot forward, he runs to you, skidding to a stop almost toe to toe with you.

"Here-you-h-how?" He stutters out looking you over, as though you might have been kidnapped and dragged here against your will. "Is everything okay? What's happened? My dad-"

"Is fine," you cut him off, recognising his rising panic. "Everything's okay at home. I just thought it was about time I came to see you for once." You give him a nonchalant wave of your hand and a shrug, although your stomach feels full of stones as you take in the new scar across his cheek.

"But… you wouldn't even fly with me!" He sputters out, as though that's the most important point.

You give him an apologetic smile.

"Your dad made me realise I needed to be here," you confess, "We heard about what happened. Your dad was worried about you and how…" you were coping after being tortured.

You don't finish the sentence, swallowing hard.

"I was worried about you." You drop your eyes, instead gazing down at his scuffed boots, still feeling ashamed you hadn't been here sooner.

The pilot sighs, "I'd have come to you if you'd just answered my calls. I just thought you didn't want to see me, and then things here got… a bit crazy."

"I know, but the way we left things. I didn't know…I couldn't…I'm sorry. I tried to come, I really did. I couldn't and… I couldn't tell you…I panicked and everything that happened, and what we said, and what I did, and I wanted to be here for you when you were… but I couldn't. I tried but i couldn't do it, and then -"

"Stop, stop, stop," Poe shushes you, pulling you into his arms and holding you against him tightly, while you try to ramble out an explanation, an apology, and confession all in one, the words tumbling together, desperate to escape.

"Shhh stop," he repeats softly, squeezing you against his chest.

It's more than just a friendly hug, it's more than just a greeting. He holds you tighter than he ever has, one hand curled into the back of your shirt while the other grips his helmet, his face buried in your neck, as though he could hide from the world. Your heart aches for him and everything he's been through as you hold him.

You wait for him to ask you questions, to call you out on how you acted, even to tease you for the whole situation.

Instead, "I'm so proud of you," is all he says.

You bite your lip hard to hold back a flow of tears, gripping his flight suit as he squeezes you breathless.

"I can't believe I wasn't your first," he huffs suddenly against your skin.

"What?" You squeak, heat flushing over your skin at the sudden change in conversation.

"Pilot! I wanted to take you on your first flight," He sighs, pulling away to pout at you in the most adorable of ways. It makes you want to laugh at the look of actual disappointment on his face. You hadn't realised it had meant so much to him, then you remember that he had seen you as a challenge and can't help but wonder if it's purely that someone else won, where he lost. You can tease him about it later and find out.

For now you'll sooth his jealousy just a little.

"Does it help if I tell you your dad had to basically restrain me. I cried, had I don't know how many panic attacks, shut my eyes the whole way, and I absolutely never want to do it again?"

Poe considers this for a minute before he grins, "Kinda does… but not the crying or panic bit. Or the fact you don't want to do it again" he clarifies quickly, before you have a chance to tease him about enjoying your misery. "We can work on changing that last part. And I'm still sad you didn't trust me to take you first."

"Well maybe if you didn't fly that barely legal piece of junk X-Wing I'd have-"

He suddenly leans forward and presses his lips to yours, cutting off any further insults you could throw at his ship, and while his kiss takes you by surprise, it's not unwelcome, and you immediately find yourself sinking into it.

The kiss tastes of desperation, of impatience, of longing buried for too long.

You let out a soft moan as his tongue licks into your mouth, deepening the kiss. You tangle your fingers in his sweat damp curls in the way you've wanted to for so long.

His helmet thumps noisily to the ground when he drops it to wrap both his arms around you this time, pulling your body hard against his. He slides one hand up your back to the back of your neck, holding your mouth to his as he kisses you passionately.

This time it isn't his comms that interrupt you, but the hollering cheer of his squadron.

You pull apart suddenly, your cheeks hot with embarrassment.

Poe gives you an abashed smile, throwing a rude hand gesture to his still cheering comrades, mumbling a soft apology.

"Sorry, I just decided it might be better to skip the talking part this time, since it didn't really work out so well last time."

You can't help but let out a soft laugh, feeling dizzyingly elated at the lingering feel of his lips on yours.

"No, it did not."

Poe grins, drawing you close once more, "now what were you saying about my beautiful custom X-Wing that you are absolutely going to be flying one day?"

You roll your eyes. Flyboys.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Special thanks to @mandinlore for the beta 😘

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x gn!reader #poe dameron x gender neutral reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron

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supernovafeather · 9 months

Text

A New Start

FO!Poe Dameron x F!FO!Poe Dameron

Summary : After all their adventures together, Poe and Reader try to find a new purpose.

Content : mutual pining, love confession, angst, fluff.

Please reblog if you liked it !

It was all over but at the end, nothing changed. Poe could watch the rain pouring down the muddy roads on his porch for hours and hours and still no change would get noticed. Planets would rotate at the same speed, life and death would keep dancing with each other endlessly, languages and cultures would keep on changing, disappearing and appearing. The Commander felt empty but not exactly sad or melancholic or tired. This war exhausted his mind and body more than he thought it would but it didn't explain that fully. Instead of looking for answers, he watched the rain falling of the skies. He liked it now and felt as if he aged prematurely by a few years only an hour after the official Firsts Orders's victory over the Resistance. His soldiers present on the base danced and sang along in a muffled and chaotic combination of different level of talent and drunkenness.

"Oh look at who's there."

Poe grinned as he stared at a half-destroyed TIE stranded far away and stuck in the mud accumulating around it. He could play the old school Commander scolding you for drinking so much with your male counterparts but it was none of his will. He heard you crashing loudly against a piece of furniture, and let you sat down by his side, a bottle in your hand and your pilot outfit completely soaked.

"What happened to you," he asked as he noticed all the dirt glued to the bottom of your pants. "Uh… fell from a window. I bet I could get on the base roof but it didn't work."

The Commander watched you quietly as you started to drink from your bottle again, needing to rest an arm behind you to hold you still. Despite the alcohol scent following you there was something wild he appreciated with you tonight. Careless, far from the most anxious but also deadly pilot of his squadron. Your growth under his wing had been impressive.

"I see you know how to celebrate," he commented half-heartedly. "Come on sir, you're the first one to know how to have fun come with me."

Slightly disconnected from this moment, he let you grab his hand, get on your knees then try to stand up in vain, falling back onto your buttocks. You groaned of frustration then tried again, unsuccessfully.

"Don't worry," he started to taunt, "tomorrow you'll learn how to walk again." "Great because I need to go back to the party. Oh wait no. I wanted to tell you."

Curious, he watched you kneeling in front of him, your eyes right above his as he waited for your next sentence.

"You're the best. Like… thank you Commander for leading us to victory," you said in a slurred voice, "I thought I'd die dozens of times throughout that stupid war but with you by our side it wouldn't have felt vain. You gave us all a purpose. And Maker, it's beautiful. I left my farm for a great squadron, a great Commander and a great team. So… please go to the party with me you need to have fun."

He smiled a little more, allowing himself to get a closer and tender look at your sleepy face.

"Thank you soldier. I appreciate your honesty. It was an honor to serve with you." "I don't want it to end," you sobbed.

Thanks to his flawless reflexes he grabbed you right before you could hit the floor of his quarters and managed to rest your bottle without spilling too much of its content. Confused by your sudden breakdown he then took the bottle firmly in his hand to put it far away from you, on a table before sitting back down next to your sobbing form.

"Sh, what's going on little one," he whispered with a quick embrace, "what's going on there?"

After the longest series of hiccups he had ever heard he managed to decipher your answer while feeling your arm grabbing his waist in a powerful hug.

"I don't want to leave that family I want to keep on flying with you all." "But the war is over. We won. Our mission is over." "I don't care I don't want it to be over I want it to keep going so I can still defend our squadron."

Despite the few sentences following he was unable to understand, Poe kept you close to him, rocking you back and forth slowly. It was certainly not comfortable for you but your drunkenness allowed this. Lying there face against his chest, your arms weakened.

"We are all alive and well," he commented, "you are safe, uninjured. You are really lucky after all the heart attacks you gave me." "I serve no purpose now."

He froze, looking down at the mop of messy hair ight under his chin as you struggled to find a better position in his arms. You called down but remained in his embrace as he finally got the words on his feelings.

"What do you mean?" "I left my lovely farm for the First Order. I found a purpose by training hard to defend my land that still got destroyed despite my efforts. But I found you and the others. We had a common goal. We killed, scouted and conquered together. Nigel wants to start a shop. Nalem wants to open a garage. Fay'l wants to get rich by selling Resistance objects. I don't know what I want to do. And you ?" "I… don't really have an answer to that," he confessed. "Well that sucks. Well you'll get a higher job I. The First Order, maybe you'll lead the next war. Good for you, you deserve a better salary for what those rebel assholes did to us all. I love it when good people get what they deserve. Money. Fame." "Does loneliness scare you?"

It did scare him now that he put his finger on what caused that uneasiness in him. You sighed, struggled for a while at trying to lift yourself up against him and he put a strand of hair out of your glassy eyes.

"Maker I wish I had your talent so I could lead my own squadron and make you proud and keep my living friends with me because right now I'm scared of everything." "Come here."

He was sobbing too but in silence. Finally someone that understood his own pain. He saw arriving to the first tests with big intimidated eyes to become a deadly weapon after a few months under his command. He felt useful at molding you into something capable of surviving on the frontline and able to feel that camaraderie for your fellow pilots. He wished he could have given the weapons necessary to prepare for the aftermath. But after all himself had no idea he would see the end of this war.

"I'm proud of you for everything you've accomplished," he said as he crossed your gaze, "I only guided you. Determination, motivation, discipline… you did most of it. You were the one shooting. You dodged enough times to survive. You learnt everything in time and protected us all. I do owe you my own life, several times." "But same for me sir and…" "We are a team. And trust me you are not the kind of soldier I would forget anytime soon. And yes I mean it as a compliment."

Your huge smile caused his to reappear. Tears ran down his cheeks in torrents but more because your eyes got smaller.

"Oops. I think I love you now," you whined.

Flattered, he left that warmth spreading in his chest at your words. It felt incredibly good to welcome it instead of ignoring it. I was free to feel.

"Don't talk nonsense please, you drank a lot," he replied with his same smile. "Still. I think I'm in love. Not really professional." "Who cares about professionalism right now?" "Well now that's hot."

Relieved to hear and feel your laugh against his chest, he rubbed your back. He liked to do such a simple thing to support you and also to appreciate the effect he had on you right now. Flirting with random cute girls in cantinas or in the different bases he's been on had never brought him so much joy.

"Are you in love too," you whispered as you looked up at him. "What do you think of it?"

Now feeling as light as if he was capable of walking on clouds, he sent you the most seductive face he could make. Repressing a laugh at your focused features and narrowed eyes to get a clear view of him, he ended up cracking up at the same time as you, his nerves finally erasing all that tensions accumulated for months little by little.

"What? What did I do," he asked. "I don't know, you exist and it's wonderful already." "Oh stop stealing my phrases, I'll have to flirt with more classical lines now." "So… so do you want to flirt with me?" "Maker, as if I could say no to the cutest girl alive. Look at you."

Your uncharacteristic giggle made him proud.

"Stop I'm not as good as I could be at it," you complained with a faint slap on his chest. "Give it a try, believe in yourself. Show me your full potential."

After a few seconds of a confused babbling from you, he finally understood something as your fingers played with your top, staring down.

"If I opened a new farm I'd like it to be with you. I know you're not the kind of guy that would like that kind of lifestyle but… I don't know you would be cute like that." "Well if you think I might be cute then it must be true," he laughed. "I mean you're handsome and hot but cuteness would really suit you on a farm." "And you're beautiful and hot and cuteness suits you."

After a painless punch in his chest he sent you one back, making you laugh as you fell backwards. He had no interest in getting further physically due to your state but taunting you felt great. Amazing even. He will try again tomorrow, but tonight you needed some water, a shower, clean clothes and a good sleep. And after that, a new and fresh start.

- - - -

@queen-of-elves

@qrjung

#lovely anon #poe dameron #fo!poe dameron #oscar isaac

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