#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

there’s something so bittersweet and lovely about fanfic, at it’s core. it’s so impermeable, because it’s so individual. fics don’t get finished. fics get lost because they were typed out and sent to friends, in the 70s, and somewhere along the way someone packed it up in a cardboard box and their kids shuffled it to the attic. websites go down. archives get built, but then people lose faith in the story or the canon or the creator and delete them. you read it at like, 3am, and can’t remember the title months later when you look for it again.

the tiktok these comments are from was lamenting about the loss of a favourite fic—it (the tiktok) had 85k+ likes, and over 700 comments, mostly similar to these. people talking about downloading fics to read on a tablet only for them to disappear the next day. using the wayback machine and combing through results, just to find something they loved. i think it’s sweet because it’s so human—how easily we love something, and how easily we lose it. i used to print out my favourite fics, as a kid—i still have a binder of them, buried under yearbooks and the old journals i kept during those topsy turvy preteen years. i could tell you the overarching plot to a Cardcaptor Sakura fantasy AU i read (and loved; it became my personality for months afterwards) but i can’t remember how it ended, or if it even did. i finally broke down and signed up for an account on AO3 specifically to bookmark an old, old fic that i had read somewhere else, years and years and years ago and found again on AO3 only because i accidentally stumbled on the author here on tumblr (i had only found the fic in the first place all those years ago because of a playlist). i used the same shade of lipstick for years purely because a fic i really liked had the main character apply it (it was a limited edition one at the time; i bought my first one from a ebay seller in the UK at double the retail price, lmao) while the love interest watched them, but i can’t remember the name of it, only how it made me feel (and how, for years afterwards, i would wear that shade whenever i felt like the day had something promising to it).

one of the first anon’s i ever got, in the early days of this tumblr, was someone who asked me if it was okay if they downloaded surrender—and of course it was. of course it is. there was a point, during the final stretch when i was trying to write the last chapter, that i almost lost the entirety of what i had written for that fic—and i mean, it was on AO3 by that stage so it would’ve only set me back a chapter or so, but it goes to show how fragile things can be. how sometimes fics only last in tiny ways—because of the unfinished PDF file someone downloads. The patchy memory of someone’s who’s jumbling it and three other fics together. Because someone wore the same shade of lipstick you mentioned, off-hand, for years afterwards.

(this is a love letter to the silent readers; the silent savers. the lurkers. fandom and the internet at large is made of lurkers (eighty-five thousand likes. seven hundred comments). people who saved fics and waybacked them and will reread them, even uncompleted. telling each other we did a good job, that we liked this or we liked that is wonderful, and fun, and a great (and important) way to build a community and has also given me my current friends—but sometimes something you make will matter and live on in a way you will never, ever know. and it’s just how it is. it’s part of the fun and it’s part of the charm. it’s just how we work as people.)

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam #shall i do a part two for the opposite end of the spectrum? the readers who tell you as they’re rereading? #the ones that come back to point out details that have stuck with them? #sometimes i worry i don’t give enough to those of us in the community who do that #today i got a comment on surrender and it made my whole day—which otherwise would’ve been spent being miserable trying to sweat out my fever #people are so sweet and i feel so empty-handed for them sometimes #because time is so valuable—people don’t *have* to comment #people don’t *have* to note the tiny details #i share these fics because i *want* to—that is a choice i make knowing that maybe people won’t like it or respond to it #no one asks me to spend the time i do on these fics and so no one owes me for it #which makes the time someone *does* spend commenting or tagging or saying hello even more precious

[ofmermaidstories]

i think the “i don’t like 2nd POV because i don’t like being told what to do/that isn’t me, i didn’t do that” argument is the most immature one i’ve ever heard lmao. it’s not meant to be you; that’s a marketing tactic to get you into the character you’re presented with, into their skin. it’s a narrative choice, just like any other.

#u either vibe with it or u don’t #floating rubbish island: mermaid spam #i will passionately defend it forever bc it’s been a fave for a long while #and i’d rather sink my teeth into your hand then hear another inane compliant about it #merms picks fights with imaginary people

[ofmermaidstories]

omggg do you ever like. get those moments of perfect clarity, when it comes to writing? like i have had this vague WIP idea for a while now—i really wanna do it, but it’ll be a chaptered thing and i’d like to knock some other WIPs out of the way first—and like, i was doing the dishes of all things and clang!!! the last few lines of (maybe) the second-last chapter, for one of the POV characters just came into my head, perfectly. like i could hear it and see it and knew the scene, everything! this happens only rarely, for me, but when it does it’s always telling that the idea is strong—everything else, all those fiddly lil plot details and things will fall in place later. anyway i nearly tripped over my own feet lunging to my tablet to write it down LMAOOO but i did it!!! always make a note of your ideas and bits and pieces!!!!!

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

the chances of this blog becoming a FNAF blog are low…. but never zero. 🌝

#i just saw the movieeee #i am a very very casual fan—i only know about the game through the matpat theories so i had like zero expectations #but i thought it was fun 🥹 #the ending at the pizzeria made me sad for the kids 🥺 #floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

today has been so fun and nice. i took a break from editing the final deku fic chapter to go pick up some yarn for a friend (the shop only opens like twice a month because it’s in someone’s garage) and while i was there i ran into a woman who bought some of my art prints like, years ago, and she was like “i still have them framed and in my craft room!” and then she introduced me to her husband as the artist who drew them and idk—between that and celebrating good news on here, and having finished the deku fic, i’m just feeling some type of way. sometimes you just have to appreciate the good days lmaooo.

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

you know that moment in the first war arc, when Dabi reveals to Endeavour and Shouto that he’s in fact Touya? i know Shouto’s horror in that moment was the realisation that this faint memory of a dead older brother was in fact a murderous villain who’d been tormenting him and his classmates, but like—do you think that changed whatever growing begrudging relationship he had with his dad? because i would argue that Shouto, out of all the Todoroki kids, is closest to Endeavour—not because he wants it, but because for so long Endeavour was all he had as family. which is the cruelty of what Endie did to him, beyond the physical abuse; he was the parent, after he had Rei institutionalised. he was the adult that child sho had to depend on. and now that he’s a teenager coming into his powers and his own freedoms and Endeavour is now like, repeatedly getting his ass humbled, i think that absolutely would’ve shifted something between them. very, very, very slowly. maybe it would’ve never fully healed, maybe it would’ve, eventually—but i do wonder if, in that moment of Touya/Dabi’s reveal, Shouto’s horror also had space in it for what would surely be some kind of grief. not just for Touya/Dabi, but for himself. for the fact that no matter how slowly he was crawling to maybe having some kind of a relationship with his father, outside of the abuse, it would always, always have to weigh against Endeavour’s abuse and neglect of his long long brother.

#sorry 😔 i’ve been avoiding thinking about the todorokis en masse bc i knew it would involve too much brain power 😩 #but with us closing in on the deku fic and the shouto one looming close i can feel the shift in what im focusing on 😭 #this is why i have never written a todoroki fic bc it will send me into a fucking rabbit hole #the shouto pov chapters are going to be a NIGHTMARE REEEEEEEEEE #floating rubbish island: mermaid spam #tw: childhood abuse

[ofmermaidstories]

i’ve mentioned it a couple of times before, but my dream dream project would be to write a My Hero/Attack on Titan AU. No reader-insert, no real shipping. Just the BNHA cast, jettisoning themselves towards an ending that leaves them scattered—or dead. i just!!!!! i want to sink my teeth into that whole universe. just imagine it: what it must feel like to swing—to fly—through tall, ancient trees, your friends cutting through the sunlight and sending it flickering over you as they holler and whoop at each other. sitting at a rough-hewn table, with a heavy, tarnished plate. eating what—potatoes? bread? greens to further a stew as someone further down the bench moans about missing meat. the bruising the straps from the ODEM gear must leave—the way it must pinch your shoulders. their scout jackets—the canvas they’re made from. is it waxed to make it more weather proof? the difference between thundering out into a rolling plane, hyperaware of anything in the distance that moves or lurches forward vs. being in the inner walls, amid the bustle of people who can laugh easily, who feel safe and protected by walls that only allow you the sky above, the clouds. running along a fucking—tiled rooftop!!! a rooftop on a slant, like, are their boots light enough to feel the crack of a tile underneath them, when your weight shifts before you can leap off again? i just—i want to write it. all of it. the blood and the way someone’s spine snaps and growing up in a wave of refugees, in a city that actively resents you. what does it mean to like—choose to serve your people, when you go through that? AoT goes on and on about freedom freedom freedom but like, what does that mean? if you throw a character like Deku into that—a character who’s built on like, pushing through the worst, on helping others no matter what, then like… how does that change him? Does it change him? What does it take to change him? What is freedom to a boy like Deku? in some ways i think he’s perfect for the setting—he seems like he asks himself one hundred thousand questions and I think a combination of that nature and his impulse to help people would spill over into leading him into something foolhardy, like joining the scouts.

it’d be an ambitious project and i am not stupid enough to take it on without clearing the deck of all my other WIPs first (the Big 3 trilogy included) but—every now and then i like to revisit the idea. move characters around, reposition them against the sky or the sea or the red heat of the destruction of the world. just… having a lil think.

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam #me clenching my fist: its fine its fine i don’t even want to do it that badly (im lying) #attack on titan #there’s no real resolution to this post #this idea will just always be The One for me 🥹 the mythical magnum opus that i will either try my hand at or—not LOL #i should pour this energy into things that aren’t fanfic lmfao

[ofmermaidstories]

for the last couple of days i’ve been working by my window—it looks out over the yard—and at the same time, midday everyday, i’ve seen the same goana darting out from the scrub under the cabbage gum (i think it’s a cabbage gum tree, it’s quite tall though and i think they’re more used for stunting purposes, but it looks like one ANYWAYS) and just like, bask in the sun LOL. throw himself into eating something, happily chew away and then dart back under the cover again. and idk. it’s just funny. every time i see him i say hello but idk if he can hear me—it’s a good thing if he can’t LOL, i don’t wanna scare him off of his lunch—but it’s nice to have company on these sunny days.

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

i am so incredibly desperate to finish and post the deku fic by the end of this week that if i don’t i might very well. cry. LOL.

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

im feeling chatty today which is always a bad sign. its 28 degrees right now. this is meant to be winter. i saw my friends for dinner on sunday and we ate dumplings. everytime i go grocery shopping i want to make a list of the things i end up buying: half a dozen maple and pork sausages from the local butcher. a sourdough loaf from the fruit shop. a runny cheese that tastes like rich butter. two punnets of cherries and a quarter of a watermelon. a block of dark chocolate. a dozen eggs from a nearby farm that every café in town uses. i play animal crossing just to run across my island and chase bugs. im almost halfway through the last chapter for the deku fic and i can feel both the completion grief and the end of story relief lapping at my heels.

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

OKAY so i wanted to read this book bc it looks cool:

but my local store only had it, and apparently it’s the fourth in a series, so then i very nicely asked my local library to pretty please consider buying at the very least the first book in the series, and then last night while i was logged on checking a reservation for an entirely different book, my profile informed me that my plea for more books had been benevolently granted, and that not only did the library buy the first book but the whole series, including the one i originally saw, and jensen’s latest book, the first in a different series, that’s coming out in like march or something!!!

now i have all five books (hehehehe) on reserve, so i can read them FIRST when the library gets them in, and im so excited. i feel like i have gotten away with something so cheeky, lmao, even though requesting the library buy new books is actually a very easy and probably common thing to do. 😌 anyways. let’s hope they’re good LMFAO i’m gonna be so sad if i read the first one and it’s a stinker. 🥹

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam #im just…. very intrigued by that second couple……….. #like hmmmm yes tell me more….

[ofmermaidstories]

u get a crush on pro hero dynamight bc of [whatever reason you’ve been thrown together] and every time you think about it you just imagine angry little cupids with his face, getting mad and yelling at u.

#lmnaoooo klmao lmao ignore me im just amusing myself #floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

it’s surrender’s third birthday and i FORGOT!!!!! boooo im a bad fic mum boooooo

#happy birthday to my baby 😌🎂 #floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

trying to make a mixtape cover for our SJLT playlist, what do we think gang? 🧐 i’m not sure what im trying to achieve, beyond my usual scrapbooky aesthetic… 🧐

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

i’ve been thinking about the question of a mermaid reader ever since i got the ask. 🧐 like, is a fantasy setting better? little mermaid AU? my problem is that i really like writing from the Reader’s POV, which means like… idk. 😩 a ton of world building. 😭😭 ALARMING. maybe if we had an archipelago… the problem is like, humans tho. 🧐🧐🧐 but maybe you can negate that with a fantasy/little mermaid setting. 🧐🧐🧐🧐 anyways. 😌 just some thoughts that needed talking out, thank u for listening to me goodbye. 🌷

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam

[ofmermaidstories]

I wish we had a site for original stuff that wasn’t wattpad because sometimes I just want to write about, like, vampires or something without having to do intense mental gymnastics to make the shoehorned anime boyfriend characterisations work. 😔😔😔 there needs to be an AO3 equivalent for original stuff—a site that’s untouched by outside influences trying to make money off of the content inside it. 😔😔😔 Maybe I’ll just start printing out little handmade zines or something, idk. I like fanfic so much because it’s so wild and free, like, you can do whatever you want, however you want, because everyone’s here for the love of it, because no one’s worried about money. It’s how all creating should be and i just feel like that once you start wanting to write (and share) stories that don’t involve a pre-existing anime boyfriend, your options for sharing it (freely) narrow down to either wattpad or carrier pigeon. and obviously!!!! im not opposed to people making money from their writing!!!!! it’s just i have a hundred and one different things i want to write that sometimes involve anime boyfriends and sometimes don’t, and with roughly 93 of those i just want to throw them out into the universe—without having to pour in the work and consideration that comes with creating something that eventually involves other peoples money!!! like… i just want to tell stories. 🥺 sdjkfhsdlkfhjksdjfhkj. i hate capitalism i hate it here i hate it here so much.

#floating rubbish island: mermaid spam #just some Thoughts TM #every day in every way i inch closer to my snail mail story threat #i am unhappy bc i feel like im on a leash and i want to bite it off LMAO bark bark bark #FREE ME!!!!