#fireplace and star wars is keeping me relatively sane for now

[quirkypossum]

okay fuck that i need to rant

i try so hard to fight with myself about feeling okay, but like the sicker i get, the worse i feel and the more awful a person i am. like yeah being sick doesnt make me unlovable, but the shit ass attitude it gives me sure does. no one wants to be around someone who is miserable and sick thats just how it goes. you dont seek out someone whos going to snap at you because theyve been overstimulated for 6 months, or someone who cant do everything that everyone else is doing at their age. like no one wants a friend or partner who is incurable and perpetually in the worst mood imaginable

#i know i just reblogged that positive post but goddamn im honestly kinda tired of hearing one thing and experiencing another #like everyone says they love me and like being around me but then cant understand why im breaking down every other day and snapping at them #like i dont want to be this way but i can barely do anything about it #i cant eat without being in distress i cant do anything without pain and my doctor wont help me #not that theres much to do if it is what i think it is #but i cant even find that out cause my doctor wont help me!!! #idk #im so tired #barely scraping by with a little money from the at most 10 hours i work a week (not that i could even work much more than that anyway...) #whatever #fireplace and star wars is keeping me relatively sane for now #the possum speaks