#felt like posting this now bc fuck!! artists!! block!! feeling burnouts rn

[yeocult]

with the moon | k.hj

genre: comfort

wc: 1.2k words

song: our last dream - dpr

synopsis: through the lens of an artist’s journey to heal

blank.

if seeing nothing was possible, it would be his canvas. the canvas that hongjoong was so excited to paint on. it was on the larger scale, not used to what he would normally paint on but he thought switching things up for a little challenge wouldn’t be so bad once in a while. obviously, he had overestimated his skills as a painter. but was being overly confident bad? or maybe he just wasn’t good to begin with?

he didn’t know why or how, but he could sense the canvas judging him as he sat on his stool for the past three hours accomplishing nothing. he felt so small and worthless. the artist found the large white surface to be intimidating, not knowing where or how to start it.

“why? why am i afraid?”

in a matter of seconds, all of his ideas and inspirations start to fly away, leaving him alone in his studio. the paint tubes no longer flashed colours and the scented candles no longer filled the room with its fragrance. he’s all alone.

paintbrushes started to feel heavier, exhausting his arm and the colours he mixed strained his eyes. he ditched the canvas, it’s not like he would achieve much by blankly staring at it. although sometimes he believed that if he thinks about painting, he would eventually start to do it. of course, that was just one of his many senseless ways of procrastinating. because deep down, he was afraid of not doing enough. he had nobody to blame but himself.

next thing hongjoong knew, he was walking down the streets, wandering off to who knows where, just anywhere but in his dull studio that was so occupied it made him feel nothing but empty. it’s like his feet were dying to get him out of that room, and he was thankful for it. because now, inhaling fresh air never felt so much better. 

city life. hongjoong loved it here. every time he sets foot out of his apartment, which is less than he’d like to admit, it gives him the exact feeling of moving to a new city. wanting to explore every inch of this city that he calls home. he loved the buskers who have a desire to showcase their talents. he was fond of the stray cats that wander without a care in this hectic world. the business workers who are constantly distracted by the phone yet still manage to work their way through crowds effortlessly. he admires the new couples who moved across from him for a fresh start. he appreciates the bold graffiti art on the side of the buildings that adds a little more personality to this place he calls home.

it was that time of the day where all the workers ride the train home. when the students leave the library and head back to their rooms to cram in more hours of studying. when couples go claim their reservations for a date that they both been looking forward to. when lost artists including himself roam the streets, looking left to right for any spect of inspiration. if he was lucky, there could be a slight chance he could paint like before again.

nothing was easy, especially when hongjoong was forcing himself to create. he always had this workaholic mindset that he was glad but at the same time, he wasn’t so proud of it. sure, creating fantastic art was amazing. he was afraid that if he wasn’t careful, this workflow would reach a dead end and he would no longer be able to paint like before. he had to keep his train running at all times, not stopping even if he was low on gas. he thought, “who am i if i don’t create? what’s my value?” it was nothing but a constant cycle of self-sabotage.

an artist without art is nothing.

the sudden buzz in this pocket interrupted his negative thoughts. his phone was out of battery, he sighed at the deadweight in his pocket. he took this opportunity to fully live without distractions from his phone. disconnect to connect. he took a deep breath, letting the refreshing air in and out. 

for the first time in what seems like forever, hongjoong wasn’t worried about creating. his mind wasn’t forcing himself to think of new ideas. his eyes weren’t frantically looking for inspiration. instead, his vision was focused on the bright neon lights that made the bars more lively and his mind was thinking about what places he wishes to explore. he was at ease.

his nose travelled to the nearest restaurant that overflowed the streets with its delightful aroma. the bell chimed at his entrance. without a care, he sat alone at a booth and ordered the first meal his finger pointed at. a heartwarming meal that couldn’t compare to the cheap convenience food he’s been feeding on the past weeks. hongjoong enjoyed the food along with the company of passing strangers and soothing jazz music.

his ears brought him to the singer on the street whose voice he immediately fell in love with. getting lost in the large audience surrounding the vocalist, he clapped his hands song after song. a broad smile never leaving his face while the voice whirled and danced around his ears. occasionally humming and mouthing the lyrics as he tapped his feet to the beat. he emerge this cheers and praise along with the crowd.

leaving the scene when his eyes sought out a cat. his eyes made him chase after a cat he felt a connection as if he already saw it before. he didn’t know why or where. with a jolt of adrenaline, his feet sprinted after the cat. his feet were racing faster than his mind. letting the cool air dance through his hair, lifting his hair up and exposing his forehead. letting his feet pound across the ground, it quickly leads him to a larger group of stray cats behind some building downtown and he slowed down his pace. “are you lost like me too?” he spoke softly to the cat. “i don't know the way, i'm like an alley cat.”

dusk. before hongjoong knew it, the sun left him. he was alone for a split second until the moon comforted him. hongjoong was attached to the moon, he preferred sunsets to sunrises. he found solace in the moon during late nights when he was all alone. the moon encouraged him to work harder during the nights where he was up past midnight working on a project. but it also reminded him to rest and sleep before it leaves him in the morning. before the sun is rising up.

hongjoong was an optimist and a hard worker. it was a poison to his health but an antidote for his art career. however, he reminds himself that he’s human before an artist. maybe soon the paint tubes will embrace him with their vibrant colours, the intimidating canvas will welcome him back to the studio, and the scented candles will once again bring life around him with its fragrance. he thought, “maybe i’m not afraid.”

so after his tedious journey for motivation, he did the one thing he should’ve done in the first place; rest.

-

"you're wonderful. there's no need to rush. please take your time to polish your talent." — whisper of the heart (1995) dir. yoshifumi kondō

#ateez #kim hongjoong #hongjoong #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #kim hongjoong scenarios #ateez hongjoong #ateez kim hongjoong #wrote this like a month ago bc i didnt feel like posting it....but yk what this gotta leave my drafts rn #kim hongjoong imagines #felt like posting this now bc fuck!! artists!! block!! feeling burnouts rn #joongie taking himself on a date hehe #inspired by that lil quote from whisper of the heart ^^ #..and maybe my own experiences lmao #1.2k on comfort lol im going thru it