#feels great to have an official diagnosis ❤️

[n30n-le0n]

❤️💚💜

❤️- A happy memory that makes them smile

Ugh. It had been such a long day of training. And he hadn't even managed to get a hit in on Donnie once, and he felt like his stupid egghead of a brother had just been standing there and rubbing it in his face--

Leo dropped into the kitchen chair with a groan, slumping and rubbing at his eyes. What was he doing wrong? He was perfectly predicting every single one of Donnie's moves. He was moving to block and parry and thrust and go through the motions. So why was it still not good enough--

"Leo!"

The familiar chirp made him pick his head up, a minute before a plate was shoved in his face. "ACK--Mikey. What's up?"

"Can you try these an' see if they have enough sugar in them? I might need to add a little more, it's a new recipe!" Mikey stood before him with his little tail wagging, brandishing a plate of what looked like freshly made peanut butter cookies.

"Mikey, you already know they're gonna be great. You're, like, a kitchen wizard."

"Yyyyyeah, but! That's not important! I want you to try one and see what you think!"

Relenting with a friendly roll of his eyes, Leo popped one into his mouth, immediately feeling his eyes widen and a happy hum building in his throat at just how good the cookie tasted. It was the perfect blend of sugar and peanut butter and flour, dancing on his tongue, and he couldn't help but take a bigger bite as he sat there, all of his anger melting away within an instant. "Wow, Mikey, this is really good for your first time!"

"You mean it?" Mikey bounced on the pads of his feet slightly, leaning in closer. "It's good?"

"Yeah! Really good. I can't even think of a single thing wrong with it. Well. I don't know. Maybe a little more butter or something? Other than that, for your first try it's-"

"Mmhmm. Just like it's your first time really going up against Donnie, right?"

"Right, I---hey, wait a second--"

"So you shouldn't feel bad for not getting it right right away. Riiiight?" Oh, boy. He knew that look. The "I will stop being Dr. Feelings and go straight to Dr. Delicate Touch if you don't get your shit together" scowl.

"....Yeah. Right. Sorry. 'S been a long day."

"....did the cookies cheer you up, at least?"

"Heh. Maybe they did. I don't know. Someone decided to be a tricky little sneak about giving them to me-"

"ACK! LEO! LEO, STOP, NOT THE NOOGIES, NOOOOO-"

And as Mikey sprinted away from Leo as fast as his tiny legs could carry him, the sound of Leo's joyful laughter followed him all the way through the lair.

💚- A memory that makes them feel guilty

It had been some childish argument. He'd been upset that Donnie was spending more time with his nose buried in a book than hanging out with his brothers, and he'd gone to throw a mud ball at his twin's head. But it had missed and gotten all over the pages of the book instead, and Donnie had gotten upset for whatever reason and attacked him, and then he was pulling himself free and having to be held back by Mikey and he'd always hated being yelled at, especially by his twin, so when Donnie's words had come-

“And you RUINED it and you didn’t LISTEN to me and now I—”

He'd snapped back in turn, before he could stop himself.

“Oh, really? I’m the one that ruins everything? What about you? With your….your dumb-dumb shell that we always gotta watch out for and the way we gotta treat you like something that’ll break and now you’re being a big stupid idiot over some dumb book instead of trying to hang out with your own brothers like some kind of weirdo—”

Raph had stopped them, then. He didn't remember the rest of the conversation. But he did remember the look on Donnie's face after he'd said it. Like someone had taken his twin and kicked him right in the solar plexus.

And when it had come out that Donnie was actually different from the rest of them, that he had an official diagnosis, it had filled Leo wit more guilt than he possibly could have described.

I didn't mean it, he'd whispered jaggedly to Donnie later, curling into his twin as Donnie tried to comfort him. I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it, I was just angry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry--

And Donnie had said he forgave him. But Leo would never, for as long as he lived, stop feeling guilty about implying that his better half was abnormal.

💜- A memory about one of their loved ones, happy or sad

It had been a thunderstorm in the city. A loud, violent one, with the sound reverberating off of the metal walls of the sewers when it came through the vents and grates. Leo had been curled up in his bed, hands childishly clamped over his ears to drown out the noise, shuddering and shaking and wishing that the sky would just stop being so loud--

And then Donnie had popped up in front of him, wearing those comically large glasses that Dad had gotten for him because his eyesight had been absolute shit when he was younger. "Leo? What's wrong?"

It felt....baby-ish, to admit that he was scared of the weather. But he couldn't help it. Swiping a hand across his eyes to keep them from tearing up, Leo mumbled into the blankets, face scrunching up out of embarrassment. "Sky's bein' loud."

"Oh, that? It's just thunder. Fear not, Leo!" And when he raised his head again, Donnie was making that adorable scrunched-up face that he did sometimes, where he was trying to remember a word but couldn't quite get its pronunciation down. "It is just the air....mol-ee-cools....exploding! When they get heated! It's nothing that can hurt you. I promise."

Sputtering out a shaky little laugh, Leo scooted over, patting the spot next to him on the bed. "Can you stay with me? Just in case it tries to hurt me?"

"Mmmmm. I guess I could." Donnie relented after a moment, squeezing in next to him. "You know nothing's wrong, right? You said it yourself. Nothing can-"

"-stop the Disaster Twins!" Leo crowed, pumping one tiny fist exuberantly before holding it out. "Do the thing, do the handshake!"

"NO. It's demeaning."

"C'mooooooon, Donnie. I'll let you have the last dinosaur chicken nugget."

His twin rolled his eyes but relented after a moment, bumping their fists together before spreading his fingers out and finger-gunning as Leo went through the motions as well.

"Explosion of the DEATH STAR. Pew pew pew pew!"

And as their respective laughter filled their shared room, Leo found that he suddenly didn't feel quite so afraid anymore.

As long as Donnie was there with him, he could beat anything.

#rottmnt rp #leonardo hamato #roleplay blog #closed rp

[the-guilty-writer]

Hi, okay, so. I’ve recently been working on an autism diagnosis. (Not official, persay, just validation. I don’t need accommodations yet, just the validation I’m not crazy.) I just started a new job. Lemme tell you, I’ve never felt more Weird and Out Of Place than in this office.

The comfort, the validation, that I got out of those hcs? Incredible. I’m gonna reread those a thousand times.

I know you’re not feeling great rn, and if I can do anything to help you even half as much as you’ve helped me, reach out❤️❤️

It makes me smile that the hcs gave you comfort and validation ❤️ I know how it feels to just want to understand why you're struggling and feeling odd and it sucks when you're working to find answers but the whole world just pushes back.

I never persued an official diagnosis for autism (even though the evidence is all there) because I had a psychiatrist tell me that it wouldn't change the accomodations I could recieve (which are already covered by the stupid amount diagnoses and mis diagnoses I've recieved over the years). If you ever need accommodations then see what is covered by the diagnosis(es) that you already have. It saves time and they're usually the same or similar.

I'll stop myself there because if not I can and will go on and on about how modern autism research stems from the nazis practicing eugenics, the lack of funding for research on autism in AFAB people, and how alexithymia is a comorbidity of autism but not necessarily an autistic trait.

Once again stopping myself before I go on.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk hehe

#distract the guilty writer from writing

[thealiciacouri]

I’m asking for you to vote for me!

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would talk about this publicly in such detail especially on LinkedIn🤣 but hoping it will help someone else. Keep reading…

We all know that October is breast cancer awareness month… 

Your Vote &/or Donation will go toward helping other women in their fight, especially with early detection. 

Why is early detection important?

What I've not made public because it's been a very personal journey for me and one that I needed to protect because it has been one of faith, prayer, mental and emotional discipline, changing my diet, lifestyle & habits. 

2 years ago I was officially diagnosed with DCIS. 

Don’t know what that is?

Neither did I until I was diagnosed with it. 

They are malignant cells that form a tumor located in the milk duct. 

I say “diagnosed” as opposed to “have” because I do not personally own this diagnosis.

Back in 2019 through self exam, I felt a small mass. I am used to feeling lumps and masses in my breasts my entire life and have always had them checked. Most of the time they were benign cysts. Because of the position of these latest ones, neither a mammogram or ultrasound found them. 

I did. 

So ladies it is vital you do your self exams monthly! 

For years I have been on a routine every 6 months of having mammograms and ultrasounds because my breast tissue is very dense, and still it wasn't picked up. 

All this is still in process for me and I know I am victorious over this because I am under great care first and foremost from God the Great Physician, my health coaches Lydia Ebling & Ryan Ebling & my amazing doctor plus lots of supportive friends & family

Others may not have that kind of support so a vote and donation can go toward helping these women, plus if I do win the money it will help cover some of my medical bills 🙏🏽❤️😍

You decide, am I Fab Over 40?

 Click this link to vote! 

https://votefab40.com/2022/alicia-couri

#fabover40

#breastcancerawareness

#vote

#selfexam

[ghostiewriter]

Hey, bestie! Not ship/fandom related, so if you dont want to answer it, it s understandable. But i was wondering, how you have been holding up mentally and psychologically with the pandemic so far?

OH HI BESTIE😂okay wow heavy question lol but alas why not overshare to strangers on the internet, am I right? Who better to listen🌚putting a wee read more thingy cause I don’t wanna clog up people’s dashboards ahisshsvdsb

Honestly, I’m glad enough that my family and friends have stayed healthy and well throughout the pandemic and we haven’t lost people like I know many families have suffered. I know some others haven’t been as lucky and honestly it’s heartbreaking to even think about❤️

Uhhh in terms of mentally and physiologically?🤡oh bestie cannot say I have done well in that sense. I went through two of the most important years of my high school education in lockdown and it fucking sucked ass. Nobody was prepared for the shit show Covid brought down on us but god the schools were just shocking and it felt like at times they didn’t mind things slipping even if it was at our expense?

I really struggled with online school and it really fucked my grades over, which kinda sucks when you’re a person who puts all your purpose and worth on academic achievements, ya know? It was just extremely shitty because I had set goals for what I wanted to do after school and the next thing I know I’ve been rejected from all my unis and the exams are cancelled and the school are using shitty class tests to determine our grades? Not exactly a great feeling. And I think my parents just didn’t know how to handle it either and taking a gap year or going to college just made their desi brains go “FAILURE! DISAPPOINTMENT!” cause that’s unfortunately how it usually is in our culture.

But I think the pandemic did make me sit back and be like “oh shit you need to do something about this” and so I did have a moment of venturing into some medical help for my mental health because let’s be real, the pandemic stirred that shit up in the worst way possible. And I got an official diagnosis of anxiety and depression, rather than just anxiety which was what I thought it was💀uhh tried some medications, they were shite but hey ho, so were the GPs so we are kinda just…ignoring that for the time being

I did put a lot of self-worth on the uni and grade situation, and honestly it made me feel so fucking shit about myself. I was dealing with my parents saying things about how I didn’t try properly or saying to my little brother not to be a failure like me. And it sucked big time because I love my parents and I know the extents they went through to put me and my siblings through private education to give us a better chance, and those shit grades made me feel like I wasted their money, ya know? It was just an overall shit experience that made me feel like I didn’t really wanna get out of bed anymore and it honestly made me push away a lot of people because it felt like everything revolved around uni and that shit just made me feel down af, it was hard to be happy for people so I’d rather just distance myself so I didn’t ruin their mood.

However, I think coming back onto tumblr and using it more often and even starting to write and post helped a lot this year. I’ve always loved writing, it’s an escape for me and it was really needed during these times. And I’ve met some wonderful, amazing people through this little app and have a bunch of people I speak to every day on this blog even through anons which is honestly just brilliant, I do love our wee corner of the internet❤️

Even three years on since this mess began, I still have shit days and it still sucks. But I’m human and I’m learning and I’ve made a new life plan that’s a little different from what I had dreamed about since I was 12 but hey, different can be good sometimes and I’m honestly trying to just take it one day at a time :)

#ask #bet you regret asking now nonnie huh🤡 #I truly apologise to anyone who reads this