#everyone like “buck should yell at him” what about christopher? remember the traumatized child? i want this child to yell at this man

[averydistinctivestyle]

I for one am delighted that Eddie remains in his Messy Bitch EraTM. This is the man that nearly killed someone before he went to therapy, had literal panic attacks about being perceived as being in a longterm relationship, destroyed his room and terrified his son upon learning his heroism didn't defeat the cycles of violence in the military, married and immediately ran away from the first girl he slept with (teenagers get some passes for being dumb but like, he still did it)... he has never been anything less than messy.

And now he's cheating on his girlfriend with a doppelganger of the literal object of his obsession of the past seven years. It tracks.

#911 abc #eddie diaz #like he's not a real person he's a character y'all #he's a story about how you can never go back #a story about how obsessing with that will end in ruin every time #and hurts not just you but those around you #everyone like “buck should yell at him” what about christopher? remember the traumatized child? i want this child to yell at this man #because kim will be gone and marisol will probably cry but cristopher is stuck on 5his #and he's the one eddie's (lying) convinced this is for #911 abc spoilers

[half-bakedboy]

it’s not only children who grow (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley & Christopher Diaz, Implied Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: General Summary: Realistically, Buck knew that Christopher couldn’t be all rainbows, kittens, smiles, and quick-wittedness, but everything had been going so good the last few days and Buck stupidly let himself forget that Christopher was a kid. He was a child with a disability, a dead mom, an injured father, and more traumatic events darkening his past than any kid should have.

Buck kicked himself for forgetting that as strong and brave as Christopher always looked, he shouldn’t have to be.

For @chrisdiazweek​ - day four: buck and his buddy and for @sugarandspace​ who sparked this idea in the first place 💜🥺

Buck glanced over at his phone in a panic. He knew in the back of his mind that he should call Eddie and let him know what was going on. If anyone was an expert on the ins and outs of Christopher, it was the man who had raised him. His dad, who was currently confined to a hospital bed, didn’t need the added stress and on top of it all, Buck was too nervous that Eddie would think he couldn’t handle the situation. Even just one phone call could let Eddie in on the fact that Buck wasn’t ready for the responsibility and have him running for the proverbial hills. Buck could handle it on his own - he could - and he would start by processing exactly what had happened.

One second, he was asking Christopher what he wanted for dessert if he finished his homework, and the next, Christopher was shoving the contents of the coffee table onto the floor and ripping the paper with his crutches as he stormed off. He shouted that he hated that Buck was the one taking care of him and that he just wanted his dad before he slammed his bedroom door so hard, Buck couldn’t help but flinch, unsure if the words or the door had caused the reaction.

Realistically, Buck knew that Christopher couldn’t be all rainbows, kittens, smiles, and quick-wittedness, but everything had been going so good the last few days and Buck stupidly let himself forget that Christopher was a kid. He was a child with a disability, a dead mom, an injured father, and more traumatic events darkening his past than any kid should have. Buck kicked himself for forgetting that as strong and brave as Christopher always looked, he shouldn’t have to be. His dad was in a hospital bed while he did homework and was parented by his self-proclaimed best friend. There was nothing easy about it.

He focused on that as he picked up the torn pieces of paper and sopped up the juice from a discarded cup out of the carpet. He poured another cup - with a cap secured on top of it - in case Christopher was still thirsty and stacked the papers neatly back on the coffee table, hoping that the rips were nothing a little tape and TLC couldn’t fix. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself, feeling his own emotion welling up in his chest before he had a chance to push it down.

It surprised him. Being screamed at by Christopher, hearing him shriek in frustration and hate when all Buck was trying to do was give him something to look forward to, was not on his list of things he thought he would ever cry over. He figured it wasn’t just that, though. He was out of his league taking care of Christopher without Eddie around. Buck was the fun one; the guy who bought Christopher gifts and took him out for ice cream and played video games after bedtime as long as Eddie said it was okay. Buck couldn’t help but believe that everyone around him was kidding themselves if they thought he could be trusted enough to not mess the kid up even more than he already—

No, Buck wouldn’t let himself think that way. Eddie had constantly reminded him that Christopher was shielded from so much the day Buck saved him from the tsunami. Buck saved him, but Eddie wasn’t there to remind him or to tell him what to do next. Eddie was sitting in a hospital bed after Buck barely saved him , too.

Eddie’s words resonated through Buck’s head: You can have my back any day. There’s no one I trust with my son more than you. I love him enough to never stop trying. He should have known that even if Eddie wasn’t physically there, he would find a way to help Buck through the moment with just the memories Buck held onto so fondly. Buck reminded himself that Eddie trusted him with the most important thing in his life because Buck loved Christopher just as much as Eddie did.

He sat on the couch, replaying Eddie’s words over and over as he scrubbed his hands across his face, composing himself just enough to glance up when the floorboards creaked beside him. Christopher’s eyes were red and puffy and Buck hated that the sight made him feel marginally better. He hated that Christopher’s sadness meant that his own might have been justified. The boy’s lower lip was trembling, tears still brimming at the corners of his wide, dark eyes, and it took everything in Buck not to reach out to him.

“Dad usually makes me pick up my messes when I get mad,” Christopher said matter-of-factly.

Buck knocked the glass of juice on the floor. He wasn’t sure why he did it, maybe to give Christopher something to clean up later, but then Christopher’s laughter rang out through the small space and Buck didn’t care to figure out his own motives. Christopher threw his arms around Buck’s neck, nuzzling into the skin there with a soft sniff of his stuffy nose. Buck hugged him back tightly, rubbing small circles in between his shoulder blades as Christopher’s laughter turned into heartbreaking sobs.

He gripped at Buck’s shirt as if it was the only thing keeping him upright and Buck didn’t care that Christopher’s nails dug into his skin painfully or that his shirt was probably covered in little kid snot and tears. If Buck could have pulled Christopher inside of his body to shield him from all of the horrible things he had ever been through, he wouldn���t hesitate. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to make sure Christopher was happy and secure and that thought alone reminded Buck exactly why he was the one taking care of Christopher when his dad couldn’t.

"I've got you,” Buck reassured, pressing a gentle kiss into Christopher’s hair. “I’ve always got you,” Buck repeated. He could feel Christopher trying to breathe through the shakiness in his chest, and when the sobs turned into hiccups and the tears stopped falling, Buck let himself breathe again.

They both took a deep breath together and Christopher backed off of Buck’s lap, glancing down at the mess he had made. “Can you tell me why you got upset?” Buck asked carefully, hoping it wouldn’t send Christopher into another tantrum or crying session.

Christopher sighed and pouted. “I don’t think I can finish my math homework and you said that I could only have dessert if I finished my homework,” he explained, crossing his arms over his chest.

“That’s the rule,” Buck said, which was unhelpful considering the glare Christopher shot at him. “Do you think that maybe I could help you and then we can both have dessert?” Buck offered. Christopher shrugged and stared at the papers on the table.

“Dad says you’re bad at math,” Christopher challenged. Buck let out a huff of laughter, holding his hand over his chest in mock offense.

“Well, he has horrible handwriting,” Buck countered to which Christopher nodded, trying to keep a smile off of his lips. “I am bad at grown-up math, but I’m sure I can help you with little kid math, or at least I can try,” Buck began, leaning into Christopher’s eye line for what he had to say next, “because all we can ever ask of people, including each other, is to try, right?” Christopher nodded slowly and glanced around at the mess he had made sadly.

“Are you going to make me clean up?” Christopher asked, pouting up at Buck with the most pleading eyes he had ever seen. He was about to cave when he remembered what Christopher had said when he first came out.

“Would your dad clean up for you?” Buck asked. Christopher shook his head and before Buck could instruct him further, he grabbed a few pieces of paper towel and rested them over the juice, sopping it up with a press of his crutch.

“Dad tells me that we need to think about how our actions make others feel,” he said as he stared down at the ground. Buck was pretty sure the juice was adequately cleaned so he leaned down to pick up and discard the trash.

“He tells me that, too,” Buck joked. He wouldn’t admit that there was truth to it. The number of times Eddie had reminded Buck not to be so reckless or make impulsive decisions because of how it made the team feel was honestly uncountable, but he wasn’t about to bring that up with Christopher considering where his dad was and how he got there.

“Did I make you sad?” Christopher asked, chancing a shy glance up at Buck. Again, he went to disagree, ensure Christopher that wasn’t what happened, but he had never lied to the boy before.

“I’ve been sad because I miss your dad, just like you. When you yelled at me, I wasn’t sure what to do. I knew that your dad would, though, but it reminded me that he wasn’t here,” Buck explained. Christopher nodded and Buck was grateful that he might have understood. Sometimes Buck stupidly forgot what a smart and intuitive kid he was.

“And that made you sadder?” Christopher asked, sitting down next to Buck and reaching for his torn papers. He chewed at his lip, considering them for a moment before he grabbed a notebook and started copying over the information onto a clean sheet. Buck was sure he wouldn’t have thought to do that when he was Christopher’s age.

“It did, but then you came out here and we talked and that made me feel much better,” Buck reassured, wrapping his arm around Christopher’s waist so he could lean back into it.

“My dad says that talking is really important and that just like we have to think about our actions, we have to think about our words, too, because they’re just as important,” Christopher noted as if he had memorized the advice and smiled up at Buck proudly.

“Your dad is a pretty smart guy, huh?” Buck asked, ruffling Christopher’s hair as he stood to refill the glass of juice that had now been doubly discarded.

“He also says that apologies are the most important, so…” Christopher tugged at the hem of Buck’s shirt and Buck crouched down in front of him, resting the glass on the table gently. Christopher rested a hand on Buck’s cheek and furrowed his eyebrows seriously. Buck’s heart skipped a beat at how much that look resembled the one Buck had been on the receiving end of from his father too many times to count. “I’m sorry that I made you sad and that I didn’t try to control my actions,” Christopher said.

Buck let out a wet laugh and pulled Christopher into another hug as he said, “You’re the most special kid I’ve ever met, you know that?”

“But do you forgive me?” Christopher asked, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as if he already knew the answer.

“Of course I forgive you, Chris. Do you think from now on, we can both remember that we’re a little out of our league here and work together?” Buck asked, holding out a hand for Christopher. He took it with an enthusiastic nod and shook it, giggles escaping his lips. After they had both settled, Christopher staring down at his work and Buck staring up at the ceiling and waiting for questions, Christopher patted his thigh hesitantly.

“Do you think daddy is going to be home soon?” He asked, fear laced in his tone. Buck rested his hand on top of Christopher’s, patting softly.

“Yeah, I do," Buck reassured. Christopher glanced up shyly, pressing his lips together in thought before he spoke again.

“Does that mean you won’t be around all the time again?” Buck thought he heard his heart crack.

“I’ll be around as much as you and your dad want me to be,” he answered honestly.

“So, all the time?” Christopher said easily. Buck chuckled and pressed his lips to Christopher’s head once more.

“You trying to soften me up, kid?” Buck challenged, poking at Christopher’s side playfully.

“You mentioned dessert if I tried...” Christopher trailed off, avoiding eye contact in favor of placing his now finished homework on Buck’s lap.

We can do this, Buck thought to himself as he read the work over, I can do this, for Eddie, and he really, really, believed it, too.

“I wish my daddy was here,” Christopher whispered after a few moments of comfortable silence. Buck nodded and gripped onto him a little tighter. Before he could respond and vehemently agree, Christopher pulled back and rested his forehead against Buck’s. “But I’m glad I get my Buck.”

“Me too, buddy, me too.”

#chrisdiazweek2021 #christopher diaz is a national treasure #buddie #buck & chris #buck & christopher #911 on fox #911 #christopher diaz #evan buckley #my writing #this is one of my favorite things ive written this year i think #i hope yall like it as much as i do!!