#every day it gets worse here

[golden-reedwolf]

Actual hell country

#every day it gets worse here #as a disabled person who cannot drive for health reasons #and couldn't afford a car anyway #walkable amenities are essential for me #sure there's public transport but it can be pretty unreliable #uk politics

[extravagav]

Yk I never did truly recover from the sick fic chapter

#one day im gonna make a post overanalyzing every single frame from this chapter bc its just so good #everything from how confused sakura looks at the idea of them coming to visit him when hes sick #to suo suggesting they leave bc he knows them staying here the now will only make him worse/uncomfortable which is the last thing he needs #bc yeah although he shouldn't and doesnt have to hes used to dealing w/ things like this alone #hes convinced he needs to and thats not smth you can just expect to change from one visit #still i need my hurt/comfort sick fic sequel please and thank you #so we can get a full circle of sakuras character development where he actually lets them help/asks for it #and NO im NOT projecting 🙅‍♀️ #i DONT just wanna see my son getting comforted through his sickness when hes at his most vulnerable nuh uh 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ #wind breaker #wind breaker spoilers #sakura haruka #ALSO ALL THIS ^^ WITHOUT EVEN MENTIONING THE REASON HES SICK IN THE FIRST PLACE LIKE???? #MY SON WAS SO EMOTIONALY CONFLICTED AND CONFUSED THAT HE GAVE HIMSELF A FEVER 😭😭😭😭 #ALSO also i seriously cannot get iver how scared he looks in the last panel like ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ #ok im going off in these tags rn i need to stop fr

[recklessmoss]

i'm so unironically baffled at the amount of downgrades this site pushes out on a nearly weekly basis at this point. Near half if not all of them are almost completely useless and give absolutely zero benefit to user experience, if anything @staff is quite literally distancing their userbase.... do you think i want another twitter? Like what purpose or benefit does taking away dash avatars has... what's the benefit of taking away basic accessibility features.. fucking genuinely. I hate it here. I don't know how many more feedback letters I have to send in order for all this shit to stop... i'm so tired.

#i'm so tired. like genuinely. #i'm so very tired how as an artist who also relies partially on a FUNCTIONAL social media is being forced into a fucking corner like this #where the site is broken in every sense imaginable. and you have no intention to fix it. other than making it worse. #I've seen 12 year olds with java codes do a better job than this site #and u think i'm rambling nonsense bc i'm angry and yeah. i kinda am but then again i'm fuckign exhausted. and every day I have less desire #to spend even more than a second on this site #sorry! #anyways tldr. i hate it here. #please for the love of god stop giving this site money. in anyway. #i get u want the funny checkmarks but this staff doesnt deserve your pennies in any shape.

[bigshotspambot]

I just had a Clarity Moment after watching a gameplay recording of the Spamton NEO boss fight i saved on my computer and everything just HIT me so hard like HOW did I end up with a Spamton NEO body pillow in my bed. This happened over the course of a year. It just kept escalating everything was a blur and I NEEDED HIM SO BAD. You know

Does this happen to anybody else.

#this is embarassing i’m posting it anyways #my brain is Chemically Altered Permenantly. #like first I played the game and thought it was cool and then saw cool fanart that I liked a lot #then started actively searching for fanart #then got a teeny crush on him (just a little) #started reading fanfic #started drawing him #crush gets worse #becomes huge comfort character #draws him more #crush gets WORSE. #everything escalates. #POSSIBILITY OF BODY PILLOW #GOES CRAZY #GETS EXCITED FOR LIKE 3 MONTHS #LOOKS FORWARD TO IT LIKE EVERY DAY #gets it #gets him on my bag #and drawings of him on my desk #how did I get here #JUST . THINKING #God. #selfship #sneo

[babyfairy]

it takes about 5 seconds of thinking about my personal life before i start to cry now i think that’s really cool and good. fun too

#said literally 3 words earlier to my mom and started to cry so i stopped immediately like i’m so tired dude. #i don’t want to think about any of it anymore. i wish i could just go on autopilot. i’m so mentally checked out #from everything and everyone. i feel like i’ve given up on almost everything i enjoy doing #i just work go home watch tv sleep and then repeat it all over and over. i can’t be still. i can’t live in the moment anymore really even #because that means i have to be present and absorb what’s actually going on around me. all the change #i feel like i’m fading into the background more and more every day #i don’t even care either it’s just kind of like …? good lol #the more i fight my grief the worse it gets #if i can outrun it until my time here is up then that’s fine. i’m sure i won’t but. lol #anyway if you read all this i’m fine i just don’t really like being alive it’s whack imo nothing brings me joy long term #it’s all fleeting. mostly i just feel blank and disconnected #and that’s it. and tired lol

[somethingmissingthiswaycomes]

Drinking hot tea isn't enough.

I must become the tea.

#sick #Probably covid but I'll test again in an hour or two #The fda recommends testing every 48 hours at least twice if you're showing symptoms #And I started getting sick two or three days after having breakfast with someone who turned out to be covid positive the next day #sooooooooo #I have all but the latest vaccine #Only not the latest bc it isn't available for me here yet #Hopefully it won't get any worse than it is now

[kyouka-supremacy]

Every Tumblr user ever: I hate tiktok so much I wouldn't get near it with a ten meters pole

Tumblr every three days: Here's a brand new way we tiktokified your perfectly fine Tumblr this week

#Rant incoming feel free to ignore this #:( #Read the new @/changes update and I want to throw up. #What's going on seriously they were handling this website so well up to like a month ago. #What do you mean people who create an account after May 8th won't get a dashboard as default... Are you insane. #Did you hit your head or something #What is going on???????? #“Some folks will start getting access to certain badges based on different actions/accomplishments” with all due respect. Kill me right now #What is this???????????????? This is even worse than all the recent stretching and highlighting on mutuals / followers. #I don't follow anyone leave me ALONE #Like seriously someone really needs to remember Staff that the best part of Tumblr is the low competitiveness– #that literally every other social lacks. They used to know back in the day??? #And now it's all “Here's who follows you (((and by evident extension who doesn't)))”. Have you considered I DON'T WANT TO KNOW #Next update they'll hit you with a “follower count / likes / following is all public now btw 😊” #and that's going to be the day I'll disappear from the entire internet once and for all #Tbh I think I'm going to write some very polite but strong worded submission to staff or something. #I know chances are they won't even read it but things are so bad I don't want to leave anything untried #random rambles

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[ot3]

Please understand that I do actually care about and have opinions on things that actually matter such as economics and/or politics and/or queer theory and/or etc however for the sake of making sure this website is still usable I no longer freely post those sorts of things.

#Someone told me to choke because of that post I made about not liking glass blowing #Imagine how much worse it is every time I post a real opinion here #But despite what it seems I promise I don't spend all day getting mad at people being wrong about fandoms online. #It is Posting Bias.

[needylittlegirl]

theres a 99% chance we’re gonna move so i have to start packing little things now cause it makes the transition easier but i hate it i dont want to

#i know i sound like am immature little kid just pouting and stomping my foot #but i’ve had to move every two years since i was like 14 for so many different reasons #each place ive moved to just got increasingly worse so i think i have the right to pout like a 14 yr old girl #but its just dumb #if i start taking stuff down now itll make it easier to leave cause it wont feel like my space by then #its what ive always done #if i pack weeks ahead of time it just feels like im leaving a hotel or something #but right nows the hard part #im not even over my childhood home/s #i cant talk about those without crying and its been 20 years #i’d just like to stay in one place for awhile #we wont be going far cause me and my sister both have jobs right here but #its still different #im tired of seeing my stuff in boxes im tired of not feeling safe in my own space #it all just makes me so unstable cause i cant plant my roots anywhere #idk maybe its stupid #if everything goes according to plan #we’ll probably be moving a little after memorial day #and all i want to do is lock my door and refuse to let anyone do anything #im still just that little girl that was leaving her childhood bedroom and moving hours away #tbd #i didnt even get to skate today cause its raining #whatever im gonna get in bed and watch movies til i can go to sleep #if ive been bad at responding to msgs or not posting as much . this is why 👍 #any sort of change like this makes me isolate myself like crazyy

[werebutch]

My life the past couple years has mostly been made up of waiting for people in the car. Or driving people someplace. It kind of agonizes me to no end :(

#it was a little worse last year but my god it actually sucks. #and I like driving. I actually kind of love it. but I’m going to be honest here I feel like I have wasted the past 2.. even 3 years of my #life completely. but that’s also from other factors 😭 #I just basically am so guilty all the time which hurts so much it angers me and then i have to drive multiple hours a day picking people up #and dropping them off. and them telling me the wrong times or when I pick them up they give me even more errands to run. idk #I do all this for free as well. I’m not someone who believes in charging family or friends for favors but if I’m doing this every day.. #I also can’t work because i don’t have time between doing all this shit for my family. so I’m broke. and not getting paid to waste my time 😭

[d0d0-b0i]

it’s weird how much lighter my life feels now. not that i don’t have any issues (because there are many in my life, as i am sure there are in yours), but they’re just so much more manageable than they were a year ago.

​what’s more; i love myself now. i may not be perfect. but i am trying my best, and i can tell that i am! i see myself in the mirror, and sometimes i just examine myself, and my features, and i smile. i feel so much more authentic when talking to people, not worrying about how they view me, because i don’t have to anymore. i wish i could’ve told 15-year old me just how good it’s gotten so far, i know that he would’ve loved hearing about the shitty sideburns we’re growing out right now :’)

#it gets better :) #i used to think that transitioning medically wouldn’t lessen the sadness and depression i felt #and to some degree it is still there since t isn’t a cure all #but by the gods it is so much fucking easier to deal with everything #when a major reason for my mental health being the way it was has been abated #it’s like the fog cleared enough for me to actually see the road i’m driving on #instead of assuming blindly that i won’t crash #once i get top surgery. #idk. i wonder if things will be even easier? #i’m almost a year in and already my life feels so much brighter. yeah there’s problems with keeping the house. and yeah #i don’t have an income yet and i don’t know if the internship will even be in the cards for me #but. i just feel that everything will work out. enough for me to enjoy the time i have here :) #sorry i am being sappy but god! i love and i love! so much now!! i feel so much and i enjoy nearly every day despite the Issues #the world is getting worse but still i find reasons to love and live #so maybe one day it will get better? maybe one day my love will have helped even #if you’re reading. i love you. even if you’re just a follower #even if we’re mutuals that haven’t talked before #i think about you often. i wonder where my oldest mutual went after they stopped posting years ago #i don’t think i can forget. and i love you. and i wish i. could give you a hug. we all need one from time to time #i love the friends i’ve made and the friends i’ve had. i love. and this past year has opened up my floodgates of emotion

[presiding]

just saw that there's a monster in the hull update and realized i'd missed three of those........this + the audio are such treats giggling and kicking my feet about it fr. going to leave a comment on the fic itself but in the meantime needed to drop a letter on here to say i love the way you write billie--her loneliness, her thoughtfulness, distrust of yet attraction to emily and everything she represents........not to mention the way she's haunted by daud, the longing for a life she can't fathom and will never have !!! society if everyone gave billie the complexity she deserves. and your banter and prose are stunning as always lord everything abt this fic is so good. bringing wine to you on the deck to drink together about it in spirit and yes pun intended

🙏😭 thank you so so much I don't know what to say! that's amazingly kind of you ♥ its a genuine pleasure to like. double down on themes and nuance and less popular characters and just like. idk. trustfall into the fandom that there's people with taste like you, and you can invite them onto your metaphorical deck for wine and meaningful looks 🍷♥♥♥

re: billie - no one else in the dh universe comes close to whatever she has going on

hiding my thoughts about writing dh2 billie >

there's so much material to her!

i thought i'd never write for dishonored 2 (not derogatory - its my favourite game). its undoubtedly linear & doesn't have the mystery or grit of dh1 IMO.

but i saw lapin post that billie & emily comic, and i saw a few other people i respect mention billie/emily and it had me rotating them until the abjection/emily-monster thing clicked and then it was downhill from there

but there's more to think about - what billie has been doing with herself, how she feels about daud & the whalers at this point in her life, her relationship with sokolov (god.a separate rant), her history in karnaca & dunwall, emily's place in the empire and how that fits into billie's story, her lifelong revenge arc, and comparisons between jessamine & deirdre.

like. when you consider billie's perspective you realise how fucking badass she is for going back to dunwall. she not only did it scared she did it scared for her life. suicidal level flimsy disguise trapped in a tin can with your enemy. etc

PLEASE tell me if you ever decide to post that daud & billie fic you mentioned a while back :O

#asks #corpseprince my beloved <333 #thinkin bout your one-day fic. daud and billie are SO difficult to write #not simply father daughter but like. the suicide pact vibes they have and the all consuming nature of dauds bonds #and there's a strong running tension between them #not to mention neither being the type for feelings #the more 'dishonored fandom friendly' fics im working on i've deprioritised recently #yuri on the way <3 there was a deficit anyway! #mostly excited for brigmore smut #if i may bitch on your lovely post (sorry). if you cbf with that stop reading here #idk. it keeps happening #so i post a chapter. maybe get 2 kudos that week #which is nice and i smile every time im stoked to see readers around #but then one or two days later some unpleasant fucko on tumblr has taken one of the ideas i put in the new chapter of my fic #and turned that into a low quality textpost like it was their idea. it gets a heap of notes #and its always a *highly specific* idea after i posted it. and i know what the fandom is talking about broadly so it sticks out #i dont mind at all when its like mutuals or people who have commented or talked to me then its more like 🤝 #like. someone who doesnt appear to have ever interacted with me or the fic #im not trying to flatter myself by saying theres no chance its a coincidence. but its offputting as hell #backhanded signal of success? bestie thats my meta post but you made it worse <3 #so my focus rn is niche-r stuff for smart cool people with taste #THE RAMBLING. *tops up your wineglass if you made it this far*

[oncillaphoenix]

it's kind of frustrating that essentially all the advice on tumblr for functioning when your brain's not working properly assumes By Default that your brain's not working properly because of depression.

like. don't get me wrong, i'm glad there's advice for people with depression. and i'm totally capable of going, yeah ok this post isn't meant for me, moving on. but...when you have to do that with every advice post, when everyone around you is promising that everyone will feel better if they can put in the effort to do these things you know will make you feel worse, you start to wonder where the heck the posts that are meant for you are.

#this post brought to you by me considering making a different vent post and stopping for fear that everyone will jump down my throat with #that same 'baby steps! self-care! if you're tired just do a little bit every day and you'll get better at it! take your life into your #own hands!' that everyone here always says. i can't kyle. i have post-exertional malaise #curseposting #salty jungle cat noises #i don't know. maybe i'd be less annoyed about this if i hadn't had to deal with a year and a half of everyone around me telling me to #Just Exercise More And You'll Feel Better when i KNEW that would make it worse. and that one awful speech therapist who was convinced that #just wasn't trying and if i tried harder i wouldn't have brain fog. (he didn't SAY that but he made it very clear anyway.) #and having to On Purpose ignore all the academic advice i was getting because it was actually making it harder for me to succeed in school. #what am i some kind of alien. am i so different to everyone else that all advice ever does more harm than good. what #this is why i have issues with trusting authority #vent #*sigh* man i wish my collection of disorders were less obscure

[mooodyblue]

life is making me want to bash my head into the goddamn wall.

need a job! can't get a job because i have no transportation! need a car!! can't get a car cause i don't have money!! in order to get money i need a job!!! like girl what the hell am i supposed to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 24 and i have barely worked i barely leave my house i need a JOB

#and how the fuck do u find a work from home job that doesn't require experience!!!!! #and the idea of doing a customer service wfm job makes me wanna d i e but i'm running out of options here #every single day im looking for a wfm job and i feel like im not looking in the right place #and like i'm down for something with data entry but they don't make it easy to find #and No i don't want to try and do freelance work with my writing because let's be completely honest it's not THAT good #like i need someone to hand me a fucking job i need to get by until i can save up for a car #sorry for this vent im just i don't know what to do anymore this feeling of guilt has been getting worse everyday

[cliveguy]

im also frustrated with people not really caring about what's happening to trans people here but i do understand why (especially now) it isn't the most pressing news story of the day. but it is also annoying that people seem to be completely unaware of how bad it is here and how difficult it is to medically transition.

#um.txt #earlier this year an american was on my post talking about how much easier people have it nowadays #because when THEY got hormones they had to see a psychiatrist and have proof of living in their gender for 6 months #and it was like. lol. lmfao. #when i went to the gic i was asked about my sex life and what section i bought my clothes from #i had to bring bank statements and my deed poll as proof id transitioned. if i hadnt been out to my entire family #(including extended family) they wouldn't have prescribed hormones or recommend me for surgery #and ofc all that happens AFTER you go through the waiting list which is like 5+ years now #and ofc that's just medical. the actual atmosphere for us here gets worse every day