#even my tags are incoherent rn clenches fists i love him so much is all

[thisisadonaldduckblognow]

ik it’s probably a classic case of extrapolating way too much but... the way raph’s character design lines up w his whole arc and role and struggles...

like the fact that he is so so so much bigger than the others. raph is big, raph is strong, raph is steady and sturdy and he can literally pick up his entire family and carry them all at once. 

and like, when raph is so big and so strong and such a reliable thing. when raph is the protector, the one calling the shots on missions, the mother hen, the first point of authority. when raph is there, overprotective, when raph (for all that his brothers poke at him not being good under pressure) always always ALWAYS comes through at the end of the day when things are serious, ALWAYS gives it everything he’s got. 

his design and his learned role/behaviors in this family are just the perfect storm of why it took up to the season finale to drive home the issue.

so much of the series carries the default energy of “raph will handle it.”

raph will hold up the ceiling above you. raph will throw himself over you and take a hit and get back up and keep fighting. raph has a power that makes him even bigger and draws more attention and makes him able to carry MORE. raph will be the substitute parent. raph will be put into the mentor role through leo’s leadership arc. 

and raph is big. he’s built to carry heavy loads. raph is strong. raph is bold and loud and always ready to try to push on. even if he doesn’t know what to do or what he’s doing, he won’t give up and we’ll all pull together and things will turn out okay.

(his room is full of teddy bears. he dipped out on a mission to try to take a picture of a pigeon carrying a slice of pizza. he’s terrified of being alone.

he’s just as much of a kid as his brothers are. he’s just as new and inexperienced with the things happening to them as his brothers are. but for him, for some reason, there’s like this double standard where that becomes a huge glaring flaw.)

idk this got very sloppy and uncoordinated. i’m very in my feelings about raph right now though.

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt raph #rise raph #rottmnt raphael #honestly i could go on forever and ever about the double standard thing where raph is concerned #like. w movie leo especially leo is learning lessons raph also had to learn in the series! making very similar mistakes! #but you never see analyses or essays pointing to those bad calls as signs that leo isn't up to the task... #(i mean there are some clear Reasons why that happens.) #(its the reason why raph and mikey are the bros who get the least content by a MILE. but. not the point of this post.) #the whole point is just the idle subconscious assumption and associations of it being fine to let raph carry everything #literally physically sure but also metaphorically #and the plight of the child who seems to Need Nothing (all children need; some sadly learn not to appear to need) #even my tags are incoherent rn clenches fists i love him so much is all #like there is a reason it takes to the series finale for him to have a proper breakdown and get actual support from his bros #and i am still mad we never got real good content for him and splinter #considering how similar their arcs ARE.... #thats a whole other thing whatever

[lovingtheway]

Blood Sport

Note: my sister’s boyfriend named it so shoutuot to Andrew who is every bit of embarrassing as me. It makes sense you’re dating my sister. 

Shout out to mi querida, Who i'm 97% sure inspired this somehow, even if I can't pinpoint how or why. Love you Alyssa 😘💜💜

Based off of Walk Away by The Script? At first and then it became it's own thing

Warning: mentions of death,season 2 spoilers (if anyone reads it and finds something else please please let me know!) idk i’m lowkey a little drunk rn and don’t know anything but I hope y'all like it!!

Words: 1.7k

Pairing: Javier Pena x Reader

It was early morning when he realized you couldn't sleep anymore. Your head was resting on his chest, over his heart where you could hear it beating, strong and steady, your arm wrapped around his middle, one of your legs thrown in between his. It was his favorite way of sleeping, entangled with you, his arms wrapped tight around you to keep you from shifting off his body. You hoped he knew it was when you felt safest, like the world outside the windows didn't exist. Like no one could hurt him while he was with you. And if he was safe, you didn't care whether or not you were.

You'd been seeing each other for a few months now, Javi always coming back to you, regardless of everything going on around you two. He would come around often at first, quick nights where he'd be gone shortly after getting what he came for, leaving you spent and blissful, which turned into nights sleeping at each other's places, and eventually late night talks over a bottle of whiskey.

He wasn't one to open up easily but you were easy to talk to with your curious eyes and beautiful smiles, the way you'd touch his hand lightly when he was having a hard time finding the right words, reassuring him that everything was okay. You'd lock your fingers together and kiss his knuckles when he came home shaking, fists clenched and words snapping from his mouth before he fully thought them through. Before he realized the weight of them and how they could hurt you. You never held them against him when he was in one of those moods but he'd hold you in his arms for hours after, as a silent apology, kissing your exposed skin lightly.

You should have run when you had the chance. You should have walked away from him that first night he spent at your place. His arms wrapped around you all night, mumbling drunkenly and incoherently, words he'd never tell you sober, words you wished to have been able to hear and understand.

You were too good for him, too innocent. You wanted to save everyone, including him. Your bright eyes willing to help whether or not someone deserved it, whether or not he deserved it. He knew what happened to people who got involved with him. They were liabilities. Something for the cartels to use against him but you didn't care. You always came back to him, you were always there for him.

Even after you were followed home one day. You simply changed your address and told him where to find you, not even bothering to tell him why until he pried deeper. His skin burned as he thought of you being in danger but you merely threw your arms around his shoulders and pressed your lips to his gently, reminding him between kisses you were a lot tougher than you looked. That's when he should have walked away. When he realized he cared too much for you. When the thought of them coming after you made his stomach twist with anxiety and his vision to go red.

You always told him not to worry about you, worry about keeping himself safe instead, but he couldn't help it. You consumed his every thought. Your soft good mornings and pleas for him to be careful made sure he wasn't too reckless, made sure he didn't let his job consume and kill him.

His hands roamed your sides unconsciously, remembering the moment everything changed. The moment he realized he was in too deep and you had him latched onto you whether you wanted or not.

He'd gone to your place after Carrillo was killed, not really sure of where else to go but knowing that he needed you. You were met with desperate sloppy kisses, and too rough hands that had you gasping for air. You knew what brought these episodes on but it felt too good for you to question him.

When he was done and you were both spent, he started to get dressed, unable to look at you. It felt wrong for him to have come here just for sex but he didn't want you to carry this shit on your shoulders. After so long of you spending nights together, your eyes were heavy with hurt but he swallowed hard as he made a move to leave. You stopped him when you took his wrist in both your hands.

"Javi, what happened?" You asked gently, your hand slipping into his and pulling him closer. He went willingly, his self-loathing flaring inside of him. The same self-loathing you looked past to care for him. "Javi?"

"Carrillo's dead. I killed him."

"What?" Confusion flooded your face so he explained everything. Your eyes filled with tears as he told you what happened. His words were hurried, almost as if he was trying to get you to understand, to tell him there was nothing he could have done differently even if he wouldn't believe you. Somehow he ended up on his knees in front of you, grasping your hands tightly in his.

He was silent, waiting for you to say something when you pulled your hands away from his. His heart stopped, hell, the whole world stopped as he waited for you to tell him to leave. For you to walk away from him and leave his life forever. Everyone left at one point or the other, but he didn't think it would feel like this. Like the whole universe was imploding in on itself. He braced for impact, looking away from you and closing his eyes tightly.

Your warm hands cupped his face softly unexpectedly. He flinched at your touch, unworthy of any softness you gave him after what he’d done. But he couldn’t help the soft breath of relief at the kiss you pressed to his forehead. You thumbs brushed his cheekbones but you kept kissing down his nose and then each cheek before you pressed your lips against his in a much gentler kiss than the ones he’d stolen from you earlier.

“Javi, mírame,” you breathed out when you pulled away. He still had his eyes closed, almost afraid that if he opened them, you’d be gone, a mere illusion of his loneliness. He shook his head. “Javi.” Your voice was soft but stern, refusing to be ignored. He opened his eyes slowly, meeting your eyes. They were shining with unshed tears. He swallowed hard and cupped your cheek, trying to catch your tears before they fell. “This was not your fault.”

“Cariño,” he started but you stopped him before he could finish.

“No. you found a lead and you ran with it. That woman killed Carrillo, you were just doing your job. Carrillo was just doing his job. And you blaming yourself takes away all the years that he spent in this fight. You do not get to carry his death on your shoulders, it is not your burden to carry.” Your voice was thick as you spoke over the lump in your throat. “We mourn the dead, we don’t blame ourselves for what happened to them. He died for his country in the hands of a horrible man, Javi. You don’t get to take that from him.”

Your words were harsh but what he needed right now.

“If you care about this man, you will find Pablo Escobar and make him pay for what he did.” Your words cut deep and helped ease some of the blame settling in his stomach.

Something shifted in him then. A realization that he needed you in his life. It wasn’t a matter of what he wanted anymore, it was a matter of not ever losing you. It unsettled him further and he felt the planet itself shift off his axis. Your eyes never left his as the change happened but you must have sensed it because next thing he knew he had his head buried in your neck and your hands running through his hair softly.

He allowed himself to be coddled like a child after a nightmare and it was only then he realized that maybe the planet hadn’t shifted off its axis but had finally settled into its rightful place. You stayed up with him all night, both of you wrapped tightly around each other, refusing to let go of him until he pulled away first. It was the night he should have run away from but turned out to be the night he realized he’d never leave your side again.

“You’re gonna be late,” you mumbled sleepily, breaking him out of his thoughts. His lips curled into a smile as he looked down at you, refusing to let go of him. You’d asked once if it was hard for him to breathe when you were on top of him. He refused to admit that it was the only time he was able to breathe, knowing you were safe in his arms.

“You need to get off first, cariño,” he whispered into your hair. You shook your head and held on tighter to him, your hands trying to wrap under him. 

“If I don’t, will you stay with me?” You asked. He knew you didn’t mean it but he flipped you over onto your back anyways, his hands digging into your waist to keep you in place under him. Your eyes widened at the sudden shift but when they settled on him they softened once more, blinking under the sun peeking in through the windows and lighting up his face.

He often wondered if you needed those words. The words that every woman wanted to hear when a hookup became more than just that. But when your eyes met his, he knew those words meant nothing compared to how he felt. He could say them a hundred times and they wouldn’t even compare to how you made him feel. He leaned down and captured your lips in a breathtaking kiss, stealing the air from your lungs.

When he pulled away, he knew that even if he never said those words, you wouldn’t need them. You felt them in every action he did towards you. In every way he proved he loved you without ever saying it.

~~~

Mírame- look at me

Not gonna apologize for this one bc it must be annoying for y'all to hear as well but thank you all for reading. And as always all comments are loved an appreciated!! 💜💜

Tagging the lovelies: @murdermewithbooks @pablopascal @rosamedina92 @hiscyarika @mostly-megan @brittritz @scarlettwitcher @laubeck10 @spacemacandcheese @hdlynnslibrary  @daydreamin24-7 @waywardodysseys @dillylila @keeper0fthestars 💜💜

#tipsy me can come up with some decent shit #i hope you all like it!! #idk what it is but pt 2 is gonna be all fluff i swear #my writing #javier peña x reader #javi writing