#even if the original asker doesn't need it anymore someone will

[queerprayers]

does God love me? will He be okay if I go to him, tired and weary, ready to collapse? what will happen when I do that?

Hello beloved, many months later. I'm answering you today because I want you and everyone reading this (and myself) to know the answer to this. Your questions are questions we all ask, ones that people have gone to God with for at least as long as we have stories of God's people.

Mostly today I have God's words for you (through other people), said and experienced much more deeply than I could write, but I will say what I have in my heart too. And that is that God's love is present even when we cannot feel it. God loves you not just when you are aware of this fact. And however much you question it or tear it apart or run away from it or ignore it or forget it, it is all around us and within us. Also, "God loves you" always feels incomplete to me (although it isn't)--I always want to add, take a moment to see the Trinity as Lover/Beloved/Love, see God as Love and the One who Loves and the One who is Love, because love is a verb and a noun and a state of being, and God loves us because we exist in a world in the palm of his hand. God loves you as a person, yes, please know that, and also: our existence is inseparable from the Love moving through each breath. If grief is love with nowhere to go, God is love with everywhere to go.

"Will he be okay" is such an interesting phrase but I think I know exactly what you mean. The answer is that God holds and experiences and is himself the universe, which has space for everything within you. After creating the world, God rested--holy rest is built in to our experiences. God knows and welcomes our need to rest, even commanded it. He will be more than okay--he will rejoice at your arrival, however much of a prodigal son you are, and your collapse will be into him.

What will happen? I can't promise you won't still be tired. There are so many reasons to be tired, and they won't all disappear. Many of things that most tire me are the things that are the things most worth it--the work of love, of caring about the world, of caring for myself, of putting one foot in front of the other. The evil and pain of the world drains us the more we pay attention to it--and yet we are called to do these tiring things. The more I go to God the more love I have in me and the more that care drains me--and yet. It fills me too. God is a well that will never run dry. I drink and am more satisfied and more thirsty than anything else can make me.

What will happen is you will keep caring. And keep working. And hopefully you will have enough rest to not collapse but if you do, if the world fills you with more weariness than you can stand, the One who holds the world in the palm of his hand has room for that. You will be filled with the hunger and the rest of love. A foretaste of the feast to come, when hunger and thirst will be no more.

Some words of scripture for you--may they be a moment of rest.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. (1 John 4:16 NIV)

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39 NIV)

[Elijah] went on a day's journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night. And the word of the LORD came to him: . . . "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. (1 Kings 19:4-13 NIV)

This is probably my favorite Bible passage. When we collapse in the desert and ask to die, God doesn't make us get up right away. First an angel gives us food and water. And then, God is in the gentle whisper, the quiet breath. Elijah finds his purpose after resting and hears God in the quiet. May it be so for us.

. . . Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" . . . "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (John 4:6-7; 13 NIV)

This obviously isn't the full story (which you should definitely read if you're not familiar--this is Jesus talking with a woman Jewish people didn't associate themselves with, already knowing her, revealing himself as the Messiah to her), but I wanted you to hear Jesus tired, asking for a drink of earthly water--and also knowing that what he can give us is more than any well can provide. So, too, with rest. Jesus ate and drank and rested on this earth, while being God. He experienced weariness even though he didn't need to, so he could do it with us--while teaching the bigger picture.

And I leave you with this, which answers your question "what will happen" beautifully:

The LORD your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17 NKJV)

Go in peace. If you still carry the weariness of this ask, may it be blessed.

<3 Johanna

#asks #i'm letting go of the embarrassment of answering people late and just. answering #even if the original asker doesn't need it anymore someone will #also i used different translations because the zephaniah is translated multiple ways and i wanted one that used 'quiet' #idk hebrew idk which is more faithful to the text but that word brings it to life for me

[scoobied]

How do you leave an abusive relationship when you probably have DID and half of the people in your head are convinced he's going to get better and the other half are too scared to actually leave?

Everytime I get close, it gets worse and I feel like I'm back at square one.

This has been in my inbox since March, and I was very busy in my last semester of undergrad and I didn't want to answer then because I didn't have the time to dedicate to a proper answer. After that, I wasn't sure how. I still don't know how. But I'll make an effort, even though the original asker of this is most likely long gone. I hope you are safer and happier.

There is no easy how-to for this. And it's important to keep in mind that I am not a therapist, just a person with DID that has left abusive relationships in the past. It's not easy. It still isn't easy.

Something that's really important is having a support network. I know this sounds really stupid, considering one of the problems with abusive relationships is that they often isolate you from your support network, but it's a big thing. Every time I've left an abusive relationship, it was because I had a support network and didn't feel like my abuser was the only option for me anymore. Even if it was just one other person, that was enough. External support groups are extremely important; having an in-system support group can help but ultimately it isn't enough and can be just as isolatory.

It's tricky when people in your system think that someone can get better. This doesn't just apply to abuse, either; I recently lost a friend because they weren't getting better after years of crossing/forgetting boundaries and hurting me in various ways. I held out because I thought they would get better because they kept saying they were trying their best. As long as you feel that way, it's really hard to leave. Ultimately, you have to realize that someone may be trying, they may be getting better, but if they are still hurting you, you are not obligated to wait for them. You don't ever have to wait around for someone to get better if it's hurting you. There are other people out there who will love you. Someone who's hurting you may get better while you're with them! And that still doesn't erase the hurt, and you can still decide that you need to leave.

So it's kind of like. "What if he gets better?" Well, what if? Does that undo all the hurt he's done? Would him getting better change anything that has happened, or how you feel about it? Sometimes that's a yes and sometimes that's a no. If half of the people in your head are convinced he's going to get better, what does the aftermath of that look like to them? He may get better; so what? That sounds harsh, but what's done is done and sometimes there's no fixing the past. Sometimes there is. It depends.

"Too scared to actually leave" is a hard thing to dissect here because it could mean multiple things.

Too scared to leave because you're afraid he'll hurt you/find you/etc. This is where the support system comes in. I've never been physically stalked or followed for leaving, just harassed on the internet, so I don't actually have much advice here, and I'm sorry fr that.

Too scared to leave because you're afraid no one else will ever care about you? This isn't true. I know it's so hard to think this, but it's not true. There are billions of people in the world. Thousands, at least, in the nearish vicinity physically, and billions digitally. There are going to be other people who love you. There are going to be people who will love you without abusing you. You have to internalize this, and I know it's really difficult, and I know it can take a long time, but you have to have hope. For me, sometimes the thought has been too hard, and so what I did was go. "Okay. Maybe no one else will ever care about me. Maybe I'm unlovable. Whatever! That doesn't mean I have to let this person hurt me all the time! Maybe being cared about sucks and is bad actually!" That in and of itself is a trauma response but it's at least a step in the direction of leaving if that's all you can manage. But I promise, other people will care about you.

it's a complicated situation. i don't have all the answers. having other friends, having a therapist, having other places to go is hugely important. it also depends on the context of the situation and other factors.

but i hope you found a way out, whatever that means for you.

#i just.... i don't really know. and i'm sorry. #sometimes the only thing that got me out of a bad situation was a protector stepping in and doing it for me. #long post

[authorred]

This a continuation of this post since there were some things that needed to be adjusted!

These hc's were inspired by this video (as requested by the original asker)

If this still isn't what you're looking for, I'm sorry

Warning(s): Mentions of gore, blood, general disturbing themes

- Boruto, under the Genjutsu, was immediately placed into a void. An abyss of darkness

- A trail of blood appeared in front of him, right in front of his feet

- Boruto didn't know how to react. Sure, he's seen blood before, but he has a slight aversion to it. Especially in large amounts

- His body was forced to follow the trail of blood, which was growing wider and wider every few feet

- Up ahead, he could see Hinata, her back facing him. She was wearing her normal clothes

- He called out to her, telling her he doesn't know what's happening or where is he. She hears him and slowly turns around to face him.

- His expression of relief is turned into one of horror when he sees Hinata's face. Skin and muscle pulled away from bone, liquefying into a puddle at their feet

- Hinata's body melted like a wax candle and like a matryoshka doll, another person stepped out of her liquid remains, looking up at Boruto with wide, lavender purple eyes. Their stomach was carved out, revealing the spine and the tips of the hip bones

- Boruto let out a screech, seeing Himawari stare up at him with such empty, lifeless eyes

- Himawari teared up, but when they fell down her cheeks, her eyes followed them, popping and rolling out of her sockets. They hung by the nerve. "Can you help me, brother?"

- Boruto spun around and ran away, shoes slipping against the blood on the ground.

- His surroundings around him flashed red like a lightshow, blinding and disorienting him

- Tall shadows loomed over his head, disappearing whenever it flashed to black, white eyes burning holes into him

- When he turned around, the blood trail was gone, replaced by an amalgamation of human bodies. Different colored eyes littered its body, all pairs of which were looking at him. The two legs it was standing on were limbs, twisting and intertwining with each other like tree roots, fingers and toes sticking out every so many inches. The skin on what would be its torso began to stretch, dozens of heads forming from it.

- Boruto let out a quiet yelp at the sight, to which all heads spun around to look at him.

- Boruto tried to run from it, but more of the shadow creatures appeared, creating a forest of glowing eyes towering over him

- The amalgamation took a step towards Boruto, its weight shaking the ground. When Boruto turned to look at it, it froze.

- Boruto backed up, but not so much so he'd touch the shadows. There was a moment of silence. He moved his foot back, to which bumped one of the shadow figures.

- He let out a squeak in fear and snapped his head up to look at the figures. The sudden movement made the amalgamation run at him, to which he screamed

Inojin's Reaction HCs:

- Inojin, after bringing Boruto home, would find you sitting in the living room, idly doing something

- He wouldn't want Sai or Ino to know about what you did, cause they would let it slip to the wrong person and get you in trouble

- He would ask if you could go with him somewhere private, either in the town or in your or his room

- He would tell you that even though Boruto had it coming, and he didn't know what you showed him, it was too far

- He explained to you what happened after he left and what might happen after that night

- You just tell him that you were showing what he(Boruto) wanted to experience. Either way, he now knows not to bother you anymore

- Inojin was greatly disturbed to see his sister do that to someone he knows and is friends with

- Inojin wanted to argue with you, but deep down he knew Boruto kind of deserved it

- Still though, he couldn't sleep that well that night

- You slept soundly

#boruto #boruto next generation #naruto #naruto uzumaki #inojin yamanaka #inojin boruto #anime #anime / manga #writers #headcanon #hcs

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

The Max anon here. I was sarcastic of course. They could do so much with him being alive like you said but so far it doesn't really change anything? Other than the fact that they did not lose him.. + Jonathan They never showed him anymore and yes it would be awesome to see like some complications in his life.. But nothing he isn't here. They threw him aside... And expect the same results like this when he was dead. - - part 1

2/2 Also with Jocelyn there is a video with Kat where she explains it(and other "plot holes") ? That she (Clary) had to grew up fast and they couldn't have someone there with all the answers. But like.. Maybe don't wake her? It's annoying how many things/characters they waste.

It's good to know that you were being sarcastic. I thought you were, that was my initial reading but then second guessing got the better of me and I was like, "I don't want to come off as mean in case this ask wasn't meant to be sarcastic (maybe they gennuinely love Max?)." So I decided to answer the ask as if it were 100% sincere. And even though I'm not the kind of blogger that just agrees with every single ask they get, if there is something I disagree with, I will say it -- but with that said, I do feel kind of bad when I do disagree with my askers because I do want to give them validation. My zodiac sign is Cancer so I do feel the need to help others and be their support. And I feel bad when I can't give my askers that validation and support...but I guess the compromise is that in those instances where I disagree, you all get my open-mindedness, instead.

But yes, I always talk about this in my reviews. This show has a horrible tendency to make changes from the source material -- which is perfectly fine, I'm not at all opposed to that -- but then, they don't realize that when you make those changes, the entire context of the story changes. You make a change at Point A , you can't just continue on to Point D thinking that the scene in Point D is still going to flow...because it won't. By making that change in Point A, the context of Point D has completely changed, that original scene in Point D isn't going to make sense anymore, you HAVE to change that scene in order for it to fit the new narrative. But the writers just can't seem to grasp that. We saw that in this previous episode with Clace, actually. We had that iconic Jace line from the books where he's talking about loving Clary in every life he lives. And in book context, that line, while cheesy, still makes sense for their relationship. But show!Clace doesn't have that relationship so this line feels not only cheesy but super awkward and not at all earned. It's just like the Max thing. Max didn't die like he does in the books but the show thinks they can still keep on painting Jonathon as this horrible creature with no redeemable qualities who's beyond saving and it's just like...why? What exactly has he done that makes him so evil? He killed a couple of dudes Team Good barely knew, he hurt Max but that's kind of superfluous as Max made a full recovery with zero consequences...while all of these things are bad and terrible, does it really warrant feelings of needing him to be killed on sight, though? Is it really enough to evoke this much anger in our main characters? I really don't think so. Whereas in the books, the Lightwoods and Clary's vendetta against Jonathon is DEEPLY personal. He killed Max, tried to kill Izzy, then tried to kill Jace and beyond all that, he brought down the wards at Alicante leaving the city wide open for demon attack, dozens of people (men, women, children) were killed in that attack. The book feels like there's more of a foundation for this animosity towards Jonathon where it's believeable that everyone wants this guy dead on sight and it kills them that they can't do it because of the bond. And as I said earlier, I'm not saying the show had to kill Max but just do something to him that's going to have repercussions. We can get all soap opera and have him in a coma or he retains an injury that while he may still be alive, perhaps he can no longer be a shadowhunter? You know, just something that has consequences. I always say this about this show. This show has no grasp that when introducing conflict, the characters have to face consequences for their decisions. It is so hard to root for these characters because they have no sense of personal accountability.

Well, I really don't feel like Jocelyn's death is a plot hole or anything. I just think it was a really dumb thing the show did. While they may have had their reasons, it was extremely short-sighted of them and they executed it very badly. Really, there was no reason for her to wake up as early as she did. There was a specific reason for why Cassandra Clare kept Jocelyn asleep all the way until the final act of the third book. The show should've just kept Jocelyn asleep, let Clary have her coming-of-age arc and then woken up Jocelyn and then Jocelyn and Luke can have their happily ever after and Jocelyn can have this character arc of finding her own identity away from her daughter. Or if the show must wake up Jocelyn early, have the Clave send her on a top-secret mission or something to help bring down Valentine. I really think death was a disservice to Jocelyn's character and it was also a disservice to Clary and Luke's characters as well based on what the show did with it.

#anti shadowhunters