#especially since a lot of those people insisted I was a ‘proshipper’ even though as I said life is too short to involve myself in that

[aceredshirt13]

not trying to start shit just. so tired of the “proshippers dni” nonsense. People in the world are literally dying every day at the hands of broken healthcare and cruel government systems and you’ve chosen to care about fandom ships, bro? Seriously? Is it that hard to block tags of things you think are fucked up? (The answer is no, because I block tags of things I think are fucked up all the time.) Every day I relate more to that post that says “not a ‘proshipper’ or an ‘antishipper’ but a secret third thing called ‘adult with job’”

same deal with queer identity policing btw. I could not care less whether or not someone is calling themselves an mspec or bi/pan lesbian as long as they are comfortable and happy with the label. the queer community is being hunted by conservative bigots who want us erased at best or dead at worst. stop fighting over semantics that don’t matter. who cares if a label doesn’t make sense to me? is something only valid because it makes sense to you as an individual? are astrophysics and tonal languages and religion not valid or real because I don’t personally understand them? insanity

anyway sorry for the rant. been seeing these sorts of things on people’s accounts and just had enough one day. the people with these things in their bios are the people who have harassed me in zines and on Twitter and I truly don’t need that anymore.

#red randomness #fandom nonsense #I’ve been blocking people over it as of late because I am just tired #I don’t want to reblog the art of someone when I don’t know if they’d turn on me #especially since a lot of those people insisted I was a ‘proshipper’ even though as I said life is too short to involve myself in that #so if you want to fight or harass me on this please just save yourself the trouble and block me #if you want to have a civil discussion I’m more than happy to talk with you but very unlikely to change my mind #this also goes for if you think religion or gender are inherently oppressive or bad and think that the future has to not have either #they are not inherently bad things. the system in which they are used as tools of abuse are bad #people get good things out of religion and gender every day and it’s equally oppressive to take that away from them #well that’s it for me for now. sorry

[baixueagain]

While I'm proudly a proshipper, I never liked ks' (and some other prominent proshippers) insistence on 'winning' a debate/argument. Things are nuanced and sometimes (especially with more complex issues like queerness) it's better to admit you're not going to agree and move on. Someone backing down when you've shouted at them doesn't necessarily mean you've changed their mind, it means they just don't want to be yelled at any more.

I mean, I can relate really deeply to that impulse on her part. I can have a really hard time letting go of an argument and walking away, too, and it’s actually something that I’ve been actively working on improving with myself in the past couple years. The main reason I’ve tried to break this habit is because I realised how toxic it was not only for people around me, but for myself - it was heightening my daily stress and anxiety a lot when I held onto arguments like that.

I’m still argumentative - I’m not sure that will ever fully go away - but I’m trying to teach myself when to just drop it and move onto better things. I think my PhD has really helped with that, mainly because now that I’m working on this stuff, I’m frankly just too busy for continuing internet arguments that, in the long run, don’t really matter that much! Like I just sat back and realised, what am I truly accomplishing with this? Why am I wasting my time and mental energy on some of these things when I need to spend my spoons elsewhere?

While I still find a bit of verbal sparring to be entertaining from time to time, I’ve really spent a lot of time teaching myself to step back and put down arguments that don’t seem to be going anywhere. More than that, I’ve been teaching myself to not even start with some things.

Like not to keep dragging EC back into this (sorry boo) but since this has come out of their spat, I’ll use him as my example (hope you don’t mind EC): he’s said some things that I disagree with, too, but you know what? In the long run my opinions on some of those things aren’t important enough for me to devote the time and spoons to changing his mind. I know I probably won’t accomplish that over an internet argument, anyway, though perhaps if we ever do meet up we can have a drunken philosophical conversation or two, lol. And frankly, there are some times when I know I need to shut up and let him have his feelings and opinions in peace, because I know that there are some issues that affect him more than they do me, and that I therefore need to just stay in my own goddamn lane, even if I have some minor philosophical quibbles. My quibbles are simply not important enough to derail his posts with nitpicking.*

If he were ever to do something totally egregious like suicide bait people or make death threats, then I’d have it out with him, but I’m content to disagree with him on what I consider some minor philosophical stances because they just aren’t dealbreakers for me.

Not every part of a person’s philosophy or worldview has to be in complete agreement with my own for me to be on friendly terms with them. As long as they don’t support dehumanising belief systems and they don’t go out of their way to intentionally treat me or others like shit, we’re good. 

Anyway tl;dr but I honestly believe that KS’s behaviour is hurting her more than it is anyone else, and I say that as someone who’s been trying my best to break the same bad habits she seems to be cultivating. Hopefully she eventually comes around and realises that she needs to take a chill pill, more for her own sake than for anyone else’s, including mine or EC’s.

--

* Again, EC isn’t the only person I shut up and mind my business with. I do this a lot with various people, and I hope I’ve been getting better at it over time in general. He’s just a convenient example for this situation, lmao. I don’t find him any more or less disagreeable than I find most people.

#Anonymous