#edit: someone said joyce byers and they were fucking right

[hbyrde36]

Times Like These (The Anniversary Edition)

CH 1 CH 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch5 Ch6 Ch7

Chapter 8: Master of Puppets

WC: 5053 | AO3 link

Eddie woke to the sound of a phone ringing in the distance and his head throbbing. 

He rolled over, cracking one sore and puffy eye open to find himself surrounded. The two boys were already up—Max and Erica too. A graveyard of empty cereal bowls lined the coffee table in front of them, while Saturday morning cartoons played quietly on the TV. 

Despite how miserable he felt, something about seeing these kids just… being kids, filled him with a surge of renewed affection for the little shits, and reminded him of all the countless reasons he had to not fuck this up again.

He drug himself up off the couch, grunting with the effort like a 90 year old man with aching bones and deteriorated joints, and made his way to the kitchen—called by the siren-smell of good strong coffee. Steve appeared in the doorway as he approached, watching the scene just as Eddie had with a fond look in his eyes. He held two mugs, handing one off with a lopsided grin. 

Eddie looked down at the drink, finding it pale with too much cream for most people’s preference, but exactly how he liked it, and could almost smell the tooth-rotting sweetness of the excessive amount of sugar. It was perfect. How did Steve know?

“I love seeing them like this.” Steve said quietly, taking a sip from his own cup. Eddie didn’t need to look to know his was black. Blasphemy. “They don’t get to do it enough.”

Eddie offered a sad smile, humming his agreement. He looked back over his shoulder at the kids, and could only imagine how three years of fighting interdimensional monsters had cut pretty severely into each of their childhoods. Steve’s too, really. They often got caught up in worrying about the younger teens but Steve would have been what, 16 or 17 when this started? 

Babies, all of them. 

He turned back to say as much, but Steve tipped his head towards the kitchen, beckoning Eddie to follow. 

“That was Joyce on the phone.” Steve began, standing close—too close for so early in the morning when Eddie’s defenses were down, speaking low to make sure no one else overheard, the rumbling tone of his voice threatening to set Eddie’s skin on fire. 

“Owens’ people are sending a car to pick them all up, today.”

“What about Hopper?” Eddie whispered.

Steve sighed. “Well, she had to tell the Doc a little about our situation to explain why she was contacting him.”

“How’d that go?”

“She said he was weirdly accepting of the whole time loop thing, almost like he wasn’t surprised? Which, I guess they do research all kinds of weird shit in those labs, and he’s worked with kids like El for years, so maybe it just wasn’t all that unexpected. He knew some things about Vecna—Henry, whatever. Once they got talking she decided to tell him about the ransom note too, figuring he might have the resources to get Hop out, and they certainly owe us at least this much. He said they would handle it.” 

He shrugged, clearly trying to appear unconcerned, but suddenly wouldn’t meet Eddie’s eyes. Eddie knew him too well by now to be fooled. Something was bothering him about all this, even if he was trying to pretend like he was fine. 

“It’s okay if you’re worried. I know you don’t exactly trust these people.” Eddie said.

Steve tried to turn away, but like muscle memory Eddie reached out to lay a hand on his upper arm, giving him a knowing look.

“It’s stupid.” Steve said.

Eddie tightened his grip around Steve’s bicep, squeezing reassuringly as he rubbed his thumb back and forth. “I’m sure it’s not.”

“First I was worried about her going out there, and now—I know she’s right, they probably have ways to get to him that are much safer than her and Murray just fucking off to Alaska to meet with god-knows-who, and I’m happy that it’ll keep her out of the line of fire…” 

“But?” Eddie prompted.

“But, if anyone can bring someone back from the presumed dead, it’s Joyce Byers. I don’t know how much you remember from back when Will went missing, but she never gave up. Not when they found a body in the quarry, or when the whole town treated her like she was crazy for believing her son was still alive. Against all odds she fought for him, went into the Upside Down and brought him home. I just… Hopper deserves that. Someone who cares enough to bring him home no matter what.”

This time Eddie couldn’t stop himself from wrapping his arms around Steve. At least now the other boy knew they’d been close before—friends. Friends could hug. 

As he had so many times before, he wished he could tell Steve that everything would be okay—but he just didn’t know, and he couldn’t bring himself to lie and offer false words of comfort. 

To his surprise Steve hugged him back, tentative at first, but he quickly melted into Eddie’s embrace as though he were starved for touch. It felt wonderful and devastating all at the same time to touch Steve like this—and to have Steve’s arms around him again too. It was a painful reminder of all that he’d lost, but still he refused to be the one to let go first. 

“Thank you.” Steve said, pulling back and roughly clearing his throat.

All at once Eddie realized how quiet it was. Steve’s headphones sat down around his neck, which wasn’t weird in itself, it was something Eddie had seen Max and Chrissy do whenever their ears needed a break too, but they never let the music stop. Steve's song wasn’t playing at all, and Eddie couldn’t handle watching him be taken like that again. 

He reached up, lifting the earpieces back over Steve's head, fingers itching to caress his cheek as they brushed by. He clenched his fist instead. 

“Your tape stopped.” Eddie said, breathless, his heart hammering inside his chest. 

Steve’s wide eyes never left his face as he nodded absently. There was a sudden tension in the air stretched perilously tight between them and Eddie had to force himself to take a step back before it snapped. 

Shaking himself, Steve finally looked down, popping the tape out of his walkman to flip it and begin again, the volume set as low as it could be, and still be heard. 

Eddie took a deep breath and tried to pull himself together. “So, what’s on the agenda today?” He asked, managing to sound almost normal. 

“The kids should probably go home or something, spend time with their families and stuff before things get worse. We’re still going to need to stock up on weapons, right? Even if El gets her powers back?” Steve asked.       

“Yeah.” 

“Feel like doing some shopping today?”

Eddie shouldn’t have been surprised. It made sense for all the same reasons that it had in the last loop. The War Zone was closed on Sundays, and there hadn’t been a single murder yet in town to raise the alarms with the public or the Hawkins PD. Still, he felt a shiver make its way up his spine at the idea of the past repeating itself. Thinking not only of the store, but what happened after. 

He did his best to push those thoughts way, way down.

“Sure. I’ll let you break the news to your children.”

“Our children.” Steve corrected, grinning.

Fuck.

Eddie gulped, backing his way out of the room, stammering, “I-I’ll go tell Robin and Chrissy t-to get ready.”

-

Predictably, the kids fought back, having no interest in being separated now. As before, they all decided to go to Mike’s together, and it wasn’t until Steve picked up the phone to call and let Nancy know the plan that Eddie realized she and Mike hadn’t come back this morning the way they did last time. Funny how some things changed while others stayed the same, without obvious rhyme or reason. 

The trip to The War Zone went smoothly and pretty much as Eddie recalled. He’d racked his brain on the drive there, wondering if there was anything they could have used more or less of. Fire seemed to be the most effective weapon against the creatures of the Upside Down, so the molotov cocktails were still a good choice. 

If only they could source an actual flamethrower. 

Ultimately he didn't think any different number or type of weapons would be what turned the tides. This thing would come down to a battle of wills, he’d bet his life on it. 

Nancy got quiet as they were unloading the supplies after returning from the store, and Eddie could almost hear the gears turning over in her mind. It was no surprise to him when she eventually spoke up. 

“I want to go look for Fred.” She began, holding up a hand before anyone could argue. “And I know what you’re going to say. If we couldn’t find him last time what’s the point—but you said his body turned up in the trees behind his house right?”

“Yeah,” Eddie replied. “Sometime overnight or early in the morning they found him.”

“Okay so, that’s a clue we didn’t have before, and a place I’m sure I wouldn’t have looked.”

“How about this—the three of us,” Robin jumped in, indicating Nancy, Chrissy, and herself, “can go for a fun-filled hike in the woods, and we’ll leave you two here to hold down the fort in case Joyce or Eleven calls.” 

She met Eddie’s gaze, winking at him like she was doing him a favor. He grit his teeth and scowled. How she’d caught on already that there was anything going on between him and Steve, he had no idea.

…Not that there was anything going on since he was doing everything in his power to stay far far away from that possibility right now.

Steve didn't seem to notice their little exchange, thankfully, and was only watching the three girls with obvious concern. “If that's what you want to do. Just… be safe, okay?”

“Always.” Robin said, giving Steve a pat on the shoulder before getting back into the car with Nancy and Chrissy. 

The anxiety Eddie had already been soaking in all day reached a critical level as he and Steve were left home alone together, and more than once he found himself obsessively staring at the spot on the kitchen floor where he’d first held Steve, as he fell apart after Vecna had so ruthlessly attacked him on this same afternoon in another life.   

He had to find some way to distract himself or he was going to lose it.

There was only one surefire way to settle at least some of his nerves, but Eddie was too afraid to go outside and smoke—afraid to let Steve out of his sight for even a second actually, and so when he wandered away from him—for the dozenth time—to the living room, Eddie had no choice but to follow. As he did he recalled the bag of tapes he knew was stashed in the entertainment center—bingo.

He moved to the cabinet and pulled it out, digging for the only decent film among the bunch, not caring that he’d just watched The Goonies a week ago. Ironically, he thought the familiarity of it might even offer him some comfort. He glanced back over his shoulder to ask Steve if he minded, only to find him with his headphones off and silent, again. 

“Dude, how many times—” Eddie stomped across the room, his concerned frustration at Steve's carelessness spilling over to rage. 

How hard was it to keep a fucking tape going? 

He reached for the walkman clipped to the other boy’s waistband and yanked it off him—huffing as he popped the tape out, flipped it over, and shoved it back in, jamming his finger into the play button so hard he almost broke the damn thing, before shoving it back into Steve’s hands. 

“It needs to be playing to work, asshole, and you really need to start keeping those on your ears more.” He flicked the hanging cord of the headphones as he leveled Steve with a hard glare. 

“It’s–they–they’re uncomfortable.” Steve mumbled in half-hearted defense of himself.

It occurred to Eddie suddenly that this had never been a problem for Steve before. He’d never forgotten to keep his tape running, and never once had he complained about having to wear the headphones. 

He narrowed his eyes. “Really, Harrington? Because I’m finding it hard to believe that you can’t deal with a little mild discomfort to keep that fucking monster at bay after all the other shit you’ve endured.”

“Okay, fine. Just… listen, If Vecna doesn’t attack me before we go after him, how can we be sure I’ll be on his radar—that he’ll take me as bait?”

“Wait, were you–were you leaving the music off on purpose so he could get to you? What the fuck, Steve?!” Eddie shouted.

“What was your plan then, huh? To make Chrissy play the lure? How is that fair?!” Steve yelled right back. 

Eddie honestly hadn’t thought it through that far yet, and maybe Steve had a point. He certainly didn’t relish the idea of poor Chrissy being put on the chopping block again, but this certainly wasn’t the answer.

“It’s not fair to you either!” Eddie growled. “It’s not fair, period!”

“I can handle it!” Steve bellowed, smacking himself in the center of his chest. “And if it’s gotta be someone—why not me, huh? At least I have experience with this stuff! At least El knows me a little! If this whole thing winds up hinging on her piggybacking in someone's brain again, isn’t it better—easier if it’s someone she knows?!”

Again Eddie was brought up short. He shook his head—he couldn’t argue with the bulk of Steve’s logic, but–

“You don’t know what you're signing yourself up for! You have no idea what he’s capable of! Steve, don’t do this to–”

“Why does it matter so much to you if he takes me anyway?!”

Eddie recoiled, feeling the force of Steve’s words like a slap in the face.  “What? What do you mean why? Steve, you’re my—” He snapped his mouth shut, fighting to retain control of himself even as he spiraled further into panic. 

“We’re friends. I care about you.”

Right in front of his eyes, Steve’s face hardened into a cruel mask. 

“Friends,” Steve mocked with a bark of laughter, mouth twisting into an unfriendly smile. “We’re not friends, not really—you do realize that right? If you hadn’t gotten yourself caught up in all this, I would have never said two words to you. Why would I?”

All the blood drained from Eddie’s face. It felt like he’d been kicked off the edge of a cliff. 

It wasn’t anything he hadn’t thought of himself. A nagging fear in the back of his mind, that any feelings Steve was developing for him were circumstantial at best, nothing that would stand up to any sort of test—that it wasn’t real. That Steve had only clung to him because he was there—convenient and willing. 

He’d thought, after the kiss– 

Well, he’d started to hope he was wrong. Almost believed it when Robin gave him so much shit for doubting Steve when they’d spoken in the woods. But here it was in front of him. Proof that he’d been right to worry. 

“Honestly,” Steve went on, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “I’ve only been pretending to be nice to you so you’ll help us. Why else would I ever want to be associated with Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson?”

“Wh–what are you saying?”

Eddie’s eyes grew wet, hot tears threatening to fall. Oh god, what an idiot he’d been. 

“Poor thing,” Steve cooed at him, all pouting lips and false sympathy. “You should know, when you told me you were gay?” He paused, shuddering. “I was completely repulsed. I had to pretend otherwise of course, so you’d cooperate, but it made me sick having to lay next to you night after night.”

“Wait, I didn’t…” Eddie breathed, a barely audible whisper. “But, that didn’t happen this time.”

Something was very, very wrong here. 

He started to slowly back up, eyes darting between the doorway to the kitchen and the hall leading to the front door, trying to calculate his best move.  

“You’re not Steve.”

“Not quite.” The thing that wasn’t Steve smirked, folding his hands together locked behind his back. “Hello, Eddie. We meet at last.”

He was still wearing Steve’s face, but the voice coming out of his throat was becoming something deeper, darker, and far more dangerous.

Any relief Eddie felt for the fact that it hadn’t really been Steve saying those awful things to him was overshadowed by the terror of meeting his enemy in person for the first time, and in his own domain no less.

“Fuck you.” Eddie spat, projecting a bravery he absolutely did not feel. 

Steve—Vecna began to pace a slow circle around him. “I don’t know how you’ve managed this trick, sending yourself back in time over and over again, but it’s no matter. I’ve seen what’s in your head now. I know what you and Eleven and all your little friends have planned. It won’t work.”

A guitar riff Eddie would never forget, even if he lived a thousand lifetimes, began to fill the air around him. Someone, somewhere was playing Master of Puppets for him—trying to pull him out of this place. Trying to save him. Hope blossomed in his chest as he thought about what Chrissy had described seeing the first time he’d successfully pulled her out of her trance, and searched around frantically for any signs of an opening or portal. 

Either unable to hear the music or uncaring that Eddie was in the process of being rescued, Vecna kept taunting him. 

“Of course, you already know that, having failed so many times before. I wonder why it is you even continue to try and fight the inevitable. This is your fate, Eddie, and his.” The monster gestured to himself, to the suit of familiar skin he wore, drawing Eddie’s attention back. 

The eyes—Steve’s beautiful hazel eyes that Vecna had stolen to use against him rolled back and began to bleed. With a loud crack his jaw dislocated, hanging loose, mouth gaping open in a silent scream. Another snap and his arm bent back the wrong way, broken.

Eddie choked back a sob, his heart shattering into even smaller pieces as he witnessed first hand what he already knew Steve had gone through, knowing he'd never be able to scrub the image from his mind. 

“The sooner you accept that, the sooner your suffering will come to an end.” The words spilled forth from the gaping maw that Steve’s mouth had become.

Eddie cried out, screaming his pain wordlessly.

The music picked up suddenly, getting louder as the song reached its middle, giving Eddie the strength to look away—and finally he spotted it, a faint glow like the promise of sunshine coming in through an open window, emanating from somewhere behind Vecna, through the doorway to the kitchen. 

He took a few stumbling steps back, the disfigured visage of Vecna-Steve following his every move, and faked a run for the front door, pivoting at the last second to switch direction down the hallway, entering the kitchen from its other side and dove into the hazy mirage head first without hesitation. 

-

Eddie came-to with a shuddering gasp. He was on the floor, headphones shoved over his head and Metallica blasting in his ears. Strong arms circled him from behind, rocking him gently as a soft voice mumbled the same three words over and over again. 

“Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay.”

“Stevie?” Eddie wheezed, out of breath and a little disoriented from his sudden fall back to reality. Which was saying something, considering he’d died and come back as many times as he had. He reached up, hesitantly pulling the headphones down around his neck. 

“Oh my god.” Steve let out a rush of breath, sounding relieved as he slid himself around to Eddie’s side, still cradling him in his arms. He looked Eddie up and down, as if assessing him for physical damage, a haunted look in his eyes.

“You’re okay?” Steve said. Part statement, part question.  

When he didn't answer right away Steve pursed his lips, concern evident on his face as he raised a hand up to gently brush the tears from Eddie’s wet cheeks. He hadn’t even known he was crying.

Eddie blinked up at him, caught between wanting to bury himself in the other boy’s chest, and the instinct to shove him away. He had Vecna’s vicious words stuck in his head now, replaying over and over again.

He knew it wasn’t real. Steve hadn’t said those things, would never have said those things. They weren’t his thoughts or feelings even if they were said with his voice. Eddie knew all of that, but still it was enough to taint what little comfort he might have allowed himself to take from Steve’s embrace.

That bastard had stolen Steve's face and used Eddie’s own insecurities against him, and it’d worked like a fucking charm. 

He sat up slowly, pushing Steve away with a firm hand on his chest. Steve frowned, actually tried to push back for a moment, to keep holding Eddie, before realizing what he was doing and backed off to give him space.  

“Is that… that was Vecna, right?” Steve asked. 

“Yeah, it was him.” Eddie pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes hard enough to see stars. If only it would erase the image of Steve’s broken form from his mind.   

“I’m so sorry.”

Eddie dropped his hands from his face abruptly to stare at the other boy. “What do you have to be sorry for?” He asked, incredulous.

“You tried to tell me how bad it was and I–I argued with you. That was the most terrifying few minutes of my life, and I was going to force you to watch that—again! How many times did you have to watch it happen to Chrissy? To me? I’m such an asshole” Steve closed his eyes, sniffling as he shook his head. “I’d still rather it be me than you, or Chrissy, or any of the kids, but it was… selfish of me to put you in the position to have to save me again on purpose. So, I’m sorry” 

“It’s not—you’re not selfish, and you’re not an asshole either.” Eddie sighed heavily. “And I hate to admit it, but you may have had a point. We can’t bait Vecna with something he doesn’t want, someone he isn’t actively after. I guess now that someone’s gonna be me.”

“How will that work? You’re just as much of a stranger to El as Chrissy is.”

Eddie tightened his jaw, readying himself for another fight, but Steve quickly raised his hands in surrender. “I'm not–I'm not trying to—I'm just raising a concern.”

“I’m not letting anyone else go through that if we don’t have to, ok? We’ll ask El about it when we can, and go from there.”

Steve nodded reluctantly. “Okay.”

-

Steve searched through his closet and dug up his old walkman for Eddie to use since he’d given his own up for Chrissy. There was nothing wrong with it, just an outdated model. A new pair of batteries and he was all set.

They made Eddie’s tape in relative silence, save for the music itself which they kept turned low to save his head—a side effect of the Vecna attack being a massive fucking headache.

The girls returned a few hours later, looking completely dejected and exhausted. They still hadn’t been able to find Fred.

Nancy didn’t stay long, wanting to get back to her own house to keep an eye on the kids, and it wasn’t until she left that the other two noticed the change in Eddie, and what he now wore over his head. 

Chrissy came up to him first, throwing her arms around his shoulders and resting her cheek on his chest. “Oh no, Eddie, you too?”

He hugged her back, and as bad as the day had been, he couldn’t help smiling to himself a little. He’d been so sure that he had ruined any chance of friendship with her this time around, but the easy affection gave him hope that it wasn’t a lost cause just yet. 

“I’m okay, Chris.” He assured her as they separated. “Harrington had my back.”

-

In a bid for normalcy, and while they had nothing better to do, Steve ordered some takeout for all of them to share while Eddie put his movie on—hours later than intended, but better late than never. 

He tried to enjoy it—the food, the conversation, hanging out with these people he’d come to care for like family—but his heart was in the past. Instead of the TV screen in front of him he saw Steve fighting off a grin as he’d watched Eddie flutter around the kitchen cooking for them. In place of the drink in his hand, he felt the warm press of Steve’s palm in his, remembering the way he’d laced their fingers together and held on all the way upstairs that night. 

Giggles coming from the other side of the room were what brought Eddie back to the present, and he glanced over to see that Chrissy and Robin had drifted awfully close to one another on the couch they shared, even resting their heads together as he watched.  

Not thinking he nudged Steve's shoulder with his own to point it out, wondering when they themselves had gotten this close, and tilted his head in the girls direction. 

Steve glanced over, smiling at first but then his body went visibly tense, eyes guarded as he looked back at Eddie.

Oh.

“You don’t have to worry I–” Eddie only barely managed to stop himself from coming out, though he wasn’t sure why, and changed course mid sentence. “I'm cool with—Robin. I just think it’s sweet that they’re getting close again.”

Steve took him at his word, relaxing immediately. “Again?” He whispered back excitedly.

Eddie nodded and went back to watching the girls, glad that this particular thing was a staple of the loops. 

Once the credits rolled and the girls made their way up to bed, Eddie helped Steve clean up, picking up trash and carrying their few dishes to the sink. He fled as soon as they were done, saying a quick goodnight before rushing to the downstairs bathroom to change and laying himself down on the couch, the big one this time. Dustin had been right, it was a lot more comfortable. 

He assumed he’d gotten away with it, that Steve had already gone up the stairs, but less than a minute later Steve came striding into the room carrying two blankets. He tossed one to Eddie before wrapping the other around himself, and settled down on the other couch. 

“What are you doing?”

“Sleeping.”

“Steve.”

They both sat up, staring daggers at each other from across the room.

Steve broke the standoff first. “I don’t think you should be alone. What if something happens, or your tape runs out? Since you seem to have something against sleeping in a bed with me again, I figured I'd just join you down here. It’s fine.”

“Fuck’s sake.” Eddie grumbled. 

So much for keeping this one boundary, but he’d manage somehow. He suspected Steve still felt like he must have done something wrong before, and Eddie couldn’t live with him feeling guilty over something that wasn’t his fault. And, he supposed, there was no use in both of them sleeping on couches when there was a perfectly good bed upstairs.

Eddie reluctantly got up, flinging a throw pillow at Steve’s smug face as he did. “Come on then, big boy. Lead the way.”

-

In the familiar comfort of Steve's room, Eddie laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling, hugging his side of the bed to keep as much space as possible between them. He was exhausted from the attack, from the day in general, but his heart pounded as he found himself surrounded by all things Steve. His scent on the sheets, his pillow under Eddie’s head, his clothes strewn about the room.

He breathed it all in deep, and, still keeping his eyes pointed forward, finally dared to ask the question.

“How did you know what song to play for me?”

Steve shifted around, turning on his side to face him. 

“It was the tape from your Walkman. The kids took it out last night after they made Chrissy’s and left it sitting out on the table. It was a lucky guess, really. I just hoped that whatever you had been listening to last would work.”

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. He’d survived by simple chance and dumb luck, and sure he was old hat at dying by now, but it didn't make the idea any less scary. He turned too, meeting Steve's eyes through the dark. 

“Thank you, that was… good thinking.”

“I was so afraid it wouldn’t work. One second we were screaming at each other and then you went so still. Your eyes rolled back and–” Steve’s voice cracked, unable to finish.

“I know.” Eddie whispered. And he did know, far too well, what it was like to feel so powerless.

He started to reach out, wanting so badly to cup Steve’s cheek or pull him close, but let his hand drop to the bed between them mid-motion. Steve slid his own hand closer, inch by inch until their pinkies touched, and then oh-so-slowly, he tucked his whole hand under Eddie's, entwining their fingers and gripping him tight. 

“I don’t know what I would have done if it hadn’t worked.”

Eddie swallowed a whine, praying Steve couldn't hear it, and squeezed back. He didn’t have the strength to pull away, though he knew with every touch came the potential to break him beyond repair. 

Chapter 9

Special thanks to @penny00dreadful for being the best beta, friend and cheerleader.

Reblogs are always appreciated and if you want to be tagged, just let me know! I'd be more than happy to do so 💜

Taglist: @hitlikehammers @pearynice @cranberrymoons @thoroughlycollected @blubblesandink @finntheehumaneater @brbsoulnomming @estrellami-1 @hellion-child @manda-panda-monium @spicysix @kikidoesfanfic @dreamwatch @lawrencebshoggoth @stillfullofshit @lil-gremlin-things @mamafaithful @klausinamarink @starlight-archer

#steddie fanfic #time loop #pov eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #stranger things #steve x eddie #steve harrington/eddie munson #steddie fic #robin buckley #chrissy cunningham

[clarence-is-myunicorn]

untitled jopper fic

i just kinda drabbled this out last night and i don’t feel like editing it, so.

i love jopper and i was thinking about their origin story

also i have a headcannon that will got his drawing skills from joyce

enjoy

1965

joyce and hopper aren't in love, never were in love. joyce and hopper barely even dated. joyce and hopper shared cigarettes and caused trouble. joyce didn't have many friends, but when karen wheeler had a pregnancy scare junior year, she checked on her everyday until she got her period. jim hopper wasn't friendly, but you could always count on him to share a cigarette.

they talked under the stairs as they smoked.

"people aren't as bad as they're made out to be."

"yeah, no shit."

she went back to drawing him on the back of his cigarette packet.

the first time they shared a cigarette, they were caught. joyce was on her way to art class when hopper threw a ball of paper at her.

"what the hell do you want?"

"i... just want to talk to someone."

"mr. tough-as-stone wants company?"

"come on, i heard that you have good ears."

she weighed the options in her head. "can i bum one?"

so that's how it started. she took one puff and coughed.  fucking unfiltered- of course.  the teacher heard and started his way towards them, hollering. they ran out the doors. hopper stopped as they neared his dad's car.

"wanna drive around?"

so they drove and they talked about crissy carpenter and lonnie byers and how good it felt to dump them. they smoked and talked some more.

"what are you gonna do when we get out of high school?"

he thought for a minute, "move to the city, probably. you?"

"oh, i don't know. i guess i'll stick around here, get a job. wait for my mother to kick me out."

hopper chuckled at that one, "yeah, i'm surprised my mom hasn't kicked me out yet. she's always getting after me for everything. being home too much, says i need to get out more. out to much, says i need to come home more."

"sounds about right."

and they were friends. they shared smokes under the stairs, joyce keeping her coughs to a minimum.

they'd been friends for a few months when she asked him out to the diner after school. they went to benny's family's restraunt, humming to music on the way there. they got food and talked and laughed and smoked. when hopper dropped her off at her house that night, they kissed in her driveway.

they casually fooled around and went on dates for a few months. and then high school ended.

"going to the city, hop?" she said, inhaling and looking around at the marker writings on the walls under the stairs.

"yeah."

"do me a favor then."

he looked at her with a sad smile, "anything, joycie."

her lips upturned slightly, her eyes glassy, voice broken, "move on. find someone new and get a job, tell people what to do."

his eyes showed emotion that didn't know he'd ever felt. "what are you gonna do?"

"i'm going to take care of my mom. after that, i don't know. i'll figure it out, don't worry."

he pulled her close, kissing the top of her messy hair. "see ya, joyce."

"see ya, hop."

and she went to sixth period. she cried when she got home. she saw jim a couple of times after that, but within two weeks, he had moved to the city.

1979

flo walked into his office, "lonnie byers' neighbor called, says that he came over to their house, drunk, banging on the door. just go tell him to knock it off." so hopper got the address.

he went to lonnie byers' house, noticing that he wasn't on the neighbor's porch anymore. he got out of his truck, ignoring a boy staring at him out the window.

he wonders who the hell had a kid with lonnie.

before he could even knock on the door, it opened and a gangly kid stumbled out. "is there a p-problem, sir?"

"you lonnie's kid?"

he nodded.

"any idea why the hell he was banging on the peterson's door?"

"we wouldn't let him in," the boy said, fidgeting with his too-long jacket sleeves.

"you got a mom?"

"yeah, she's at work. we tried calling, but she can't come home until six o'clock."

“you keep saying 'we.'  somebody else here?" hopper sighed, his head aching.

"y-yeah, um, my little brother."

"how little?"

"seven."

"your mom left a seven year old alone with a ten year old?"

"i'm twelve, sir."

"close enough. any idea where your dad fucked off to?"

"he said he was going to go find mom and get her to let him in."

"where'd you say she worked again?"

"at the drug store across the street from the movie theater."

"grab your brother, we're going to the station."

the boy's eyes got wide, "b-but, sir i-"

"relax, kid. you're not in trouble. but if that bastard comes back, you might be."

he dissapeared into the house for a minute, emerging with a box of crayons in one hand and the hand of another kid in his other. the younger one had familiar warm eyes, wide and innocent. he was holding a coloring book.

hopper had a sick feeling that he knew who the hell had kids with lonnie.

"i'm taking you guys to the station until your mom gets off of work. we'll call her when we get there. you can color while you wait."

when they were loaded into his truck, he radioed the station. "i've got lonnie's kids, i'm bringing them to the station. have callahan find lonnie."

"roger that, cheif."

hopper brought the boys in, leaving them with flo. he went home before the boys were picked up.

i’m really nervous about posting this so... thanks for reading <3

#stranger things #fanfic #ugh #jopper #writing

[hbyrde36]

Times Like These (The Anniversary Edition)

CH 1 CH 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11

Chapter 12: Live Again

WC: 6195 | AO3 link | CW: Smut

For two weeks Eddie didn’t leave the house.

He wasn’t in hiding, exactly, he just… wasn’t quite ready for the outside world yet.

There was no one shouting for his head since Chrissy was alive and therefore he was never tied to the mysterious deaths in town, save for the fact that he’d been the lone surviving victim of the same killer, officially. The Hawkins Post called him a hero, for escaping, for living. 

Most of the time, he didn’t feel much like one. 

While he was struggling, everyone else seemed to be settling into life post-Vecna, their new normal, with ease.

The Byers moved back to Hawkins. 

Joyce and Hopper, after his miraculous return to life that came with a cover story Eddie didn’t even want to know, had flown to California a day or two after the battle to pack up what was salvageable from the house in Lenora. The place had apparently been ransacked in their absence by the same sector of the government that had tried to capture Eleven, or so Dustin had said during one of his visits. Now they were back, one big happy blended family, staying at Hopper’s old cabin until they could find something better.

School started up again. 

Jonathan, Will, and El still had to wait for their transfers to go through, but the rest of the kids, Robin, Chrissy, and Nancy all returned to the halls of Hawkins High like it was nothing, like the world as they knew it hadn’t irrevocably changed.

Maybe for them, it hadn’t.

Maybe Eddie was the only one having a hard time returning to his life. 

He faked it well enough when anyone else was around, but in reality he barely ate and couldn't sleep—not quite able to believe that it was truly over, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. And on the rare occasion that he did manage to get some rest, he always woke in a panic, half-expecting to find himself back at the beginning again.

Though his injuries were essentially just a broken arm, Principal Higgins, in a rare show of mercy, agreed to allow him to finish out what was left of the school year at home, provided someone was willing to bring the materials to him and drop the completed work back off to his teachers the next day. 

Chrissy was a godsend, who happily jumped at the chance to help him out now that she had plenty of free time, since her first order of business when school resumed was to quit the cheerleading squad. And, in what he could only assume was an effort to tank her reputation as thoroughly and as quickly as possible, sat with the kids at the Hellfire table in the cafeteria when lunchtime rolled around, to the collective bafflement of Gareth, Jeff, and Grant. 

That had been a fun conversation to bullshit his way through when they stopped by to see him last week.

Chrissy was also the one person who, apart from Wayne, knew that he wasn’t doing well. With the amount of time she spent over at the trailer, it was kind of inevitable that he wouldn't be able to hide from her the way he could with the others. 

He knew she wanted to ask, wanted him to open up and talk about all the reasons why he was having such a hard time moving on, but he couldn't. He wouldn’t burden her with all that, she already knew enough. She didn’t need to hear how a large portion of his nightmares featured her body breaking over and over again right before his eyes. 

As far as the other thing, she knew something had happened between him and Steve, everyone seemed to know even if they didn't know what, but no one talked about it.

Just like in the hospital, Eddie didn’t ask, and no one else mentioned Steve either, which he’d been grateful for at first, not needing the painful reminder of how badly he’d fucked up, but it was getting infuriating, the not knowing. 

He just wanted to know that Steve was okay, to see for himself that Steve was real, and alive. 

Which was his only reason for agreeing to attend a movie night in the Wheelers cramped basement, surrounded by the smell of sweaty teenage boys and burnt popcorn. The potential of seeing Steve completely overrode his good sense. 

Except, Steve never showed. 

Nearly two hours of staring at the wall, and for nothing. He didn’t even know what movie they’d been watching, his thoughts too loud for him to pay attention. 

When the credits rolled and the kids started to move around again, Eddie booked it up the stairs, needing some air and a smoke to calm his nerves, not realizing that Chrissy and Robin were following close behind him.

The cigarette was dangling from his lips, lighter halfway to his mouth when the two girls burst out the door he’d just come through. He raised a single eyebrow and continued to light his smoke.

Robin wrinkled her nose and waved a hand in front of her face reflexively. “I don’t know a nice way to say this, so I’m just gonna say it. You look terrible. I mean Chrissy said, but I didn’t think it was this bad. Are you okay?!”

Chrissy smacked her on the arm. “Robin!”

Eddie sighed, blowing out a long plume of smoke. “No, that was fair. I haven't taken a good look in the mirror lately, but I'm sure you’re not wrong.”

“Sorry.” Robin winced. “In Chrissy’s defense all she told me was that she’s worried about you, that it didn’t seem like you were handling life after the Upside Down so great.”

He thought about playing it off, the same way he had dozens of times before when different members of their little group had come to check up on him, but he was tired—tired of lying about it and far too tired to come up with any convincing bullshit.

“I’m not. You’re right about that, both of you. I, uh, don’t really sleep much these days? And anytime I do close my eyes—it’s a nightmare. Either a literal one, or I wake up not being sure if any of what happened was real, or if it was just another failed loop and I'm about to start back at the beginning again. I mean, it’s been two weeks but it’s like I can't accept it. I can't accept that it’s done. I keep thinking maybe if I knew how it happened, if I could somehow be absolutely sure that it won’t happen again, maybe I could relax, but… what are the chances of that.”

It felt good to say it out loud for once, to name it and let it out instead of keeping it all bottled up inside.

"I wish there was more we could do to help." Chrissy said, running a hand up and down his back, careful not to bump his cast.  

"I know you have Wayne, and Chrissy of course, but you have me too—all of us.” Robin bit her lip, and he wondered if she was also thinking about the big Steve-sized hole in that—all of us, she claimed he had.

“We all get nightmares and stuff like that,” She continued, “And if you ever need to you can call me anytime, day or night.”

“Thanks, Buckley.” He said.

Wayne’s truck pulled up to the mailbox, the man himself waving from inside the cab. 

Even with his broken arm Eddie could have driven himself just fine, but his uncle insisted on giving him a ride. He figured if it made the old man feel better there was no sense in arguing about it.

Eddie waved back, and turned to say goodbye to the girls. 

“I guess I'd better go. Um, listen, Robin, is Steve okay? I just—I know he doesn’t want to see me, or whatever, but can you at least tell me that much?”

“I—He’s—Well,” Robin stuttered, opening and closing her mouth like a fish for a moment before finally snapping it shut. She studied his face, and seemed to come to some kind of decision, nodding to herself as she took a deep breath.

“Y’know what? Screw it, he can be mad at me if he wants to. Eddie, he’s a mess. He asked me not to say anything, especially to you, but—it’s so stupid! And it’s not like it’s some big secret that he hasn’t been around!” 

Eddie’s heart sank. “What do you mean?”

“He put in for a leave of absence at work. He won’t leave the house, won’t let the kids come over—he hardly even lets me see him anymore.”

“Oh.”

The truck’s horn went off, the sound startlingly loud in the quiet night air when the only other noise came from crickets chirping softly in the grass. All three of them jumped, looking around in a panic, and Wayne rolled his window down to shout out an apology. “Sorry kids! And I’m sorry to rush you, son, but I gotta get you home so I can get to work.”

-

By two o’clock in the morning Eddie had put his jacket on, gone all the way out to the van with keys in hand, started it, shut it off again, and gone back inside—twice. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about Steve. 

Which, in and of itself wasn’t unusual, the other boy was never far from his thoughts. A little over fourteen days since he’d seen him and it still didn’t hurt any less. 

The full out rejection. The radio silence. The complete avoidance. 

He’d expected the rejection, although he assumed it would have come after his confession, but beyond that he’d expected to retain, at the very least, an awkward friendship after that. They still shared a brood of freshmen, and whether they were… friends or not, that fact alone meant they’d be forced to interact at least some of the time.

But it was clear that even friendship wasn’t on the table, and till now Eddie felt like he had no choice but to sulk and accept it. What he learned tonight changed things. He was worried now. Steve wasn’t only avoiding him he was avoiding everyone, and it had to be his fault, somehow. Eddie wasn’t stupid, he knew that much, and that meant it was up to him to fix it. 

If Steve was avoiding the party in an effort to avoid him, well, maybe they could come up with a schedule, some sort-of joint custody agreement. 

If it was something else? Eddie didn’t know what he’d do, but he’d figure it out.

He was still pacing the floor in the living room, wondering how early would be too early to show up at Steve's house in the morning to hash things out, when there was a knock on the door. 

It was probably Max, he tried to tell his suddenly racing heart. She’d done it once or twice since he’d been home from the hospital, showing up in the middle of the night when she couldn’t sleep and saw his lights on. Still, he wasn’t about to get caught-out if it was someone less friendly stopping by for a visit this close to the witching hour, so he picked up the crowbar he’d taken to keeping by the door before easing it open to face whoever was on the other side of it. 

“Wha—Steve?” Eddie stuttered out, genuinely unsure for a moment because the boy in front of him had hollow, lifeless eyes set above dark bruising, as though he’d slept even less in recent days than Eddie himself had. His hair was flat, face pale and drawn. 

He was still painfully beautiful, because Steve could never not be that, but emphasis on the painful—the guy looked tortured, there was no other word for it. 

Steve glanced around nervously, refusing to meet his eyes. “Yeah, I–uh, sorry to just show up—”

Eddie stood in the doorway, mouth agape, frozen in shock. He blinked hard wondering if he’d lost it, if he was hallucinating the other boy showing up on his doorstep like this.

“C–can I come in? Just for a minute.” Steve asked.

The urge to reach out and touch Steve to make sure he was real, was strong, but he resisted.

“Yeah, sure, o-of course.” Eddie turned, propping the crowbar back up against the doorframe and took a few steps towards the couch, assuming Steve would follow, but quickly realized that he hadn’t moved. Eddie glanced back over his shoulder to find Steve still standing on the threshold, staring up at a spot on the ceiling.

“You okay?” Eddie asked.

Steve startled back to life, clearing his throat awkwardly as he finally ventured inside, closing the door behind him. 

Eddie sat down on the far end of the couch, hoping Steve would take the spot beside him, but instead he perched on the end of Wayne’s armchair across the room and dropped his head into his hands, leaning his elbows on his knees. Eddie was about to ask again if the other boy was okay, a dumb question really when the answer was so obviously no, but before he could open his mouth Steve began to speak—soft, and slow.

“Robin called me. She said you've been worried… a-about the loops restarting? And that you said, maybe if you knew–” 

He trailed off, and was quiet for long enough that Eddie had to say something.

“Steve, what–”

“The original timeline,” Steve rushed out, raising his head to look Eddie in the eyes for the first time since he’d opened the door. “I remember it.” He swallowed hard. “And I know what started all this.”

Eddie's stomach sank straight through the floor, and for a moment he lost all sense of the world around him, the sound of static and his own heart pounding was loud in his ears. 

This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be real. He couldn’t possibly have heard Steve right.

“It was Owens,” Steve went on, his voice shaky. “Well, his people—the lab. I was there when they did it.”

Hearing that tremor in Steve’s words was what finally snapped Eddie out of it. This was happening, it was very real, and Steve was trembling from the remembrance.

“When we, uh—'' Steve dropped his gaze to the floor abruptly, as if suddenly realizing their eyes had met, and went back to staring at the carpet. “After we realized we’d failed, Robin, Nancy, and I, raced back to the trailer and I–I found Dustin sitting with y-y-your–” Steve stuttered, sniffling and wiping at his face roughly as he took a deep ragged breath. 

“Your body. I checked for a pulse but you were gone… already going cold. It couldn’t even have been that long, but it was like that place was taking it from you, your warmth, and I—we couldn't just leave you there, so I carried you out. One of Owens’ colleagues, Stinson, she was there waiting for us on the other side.” 

He paused, giving a little shake of his head. “She knew everything, including that we hadn’t killed Vecna because there were these huge cracks in the ground that ran all over town just like Nancy described in her vision. Then Stinson saw what I was carrying—you—and said she might have a way to help, a way to fix everything, but they'd need to take you with them. I–I couldn't just let them have you without knowing what they planned to do, so I went too, while the others went on to the hospital.”

Eddie was reeling, struggling to take it all in, to process what Steve was saying, all the while wanting desperately to comfort him somehow—but he was frozen in place.

“...Hospital?” He managed to ask, throat tight.

“Max.” Steve wrapped his arms around himself, glancing out the window in the direction of the girl’s house. “She was in some kind of coma or something. She died–”

Eddie gasped, bringing a hand to his chest. Red… he’d never known what happened to her in those first few failed loops.

“El brought her back,” Steve added quickly, head snapping back around at Eddie’s sharp intake of breath. “But she was dead—long enough to almost destroy the town. Four deaths, four chimes. It stopped spreading, the damage, when El brought her back but Vecna still won.”

“Steve, why–” Eddie began his question not even knowing what to ask first. It was all so much—too much.

“Why didn’t I just let them take you?” Steve guessed when he didn’t finish.

Eddie nodded, it was one of the many things he wondered about.

“I didn’t know what was going to happen, and I thought… th-the least I could do was make sure your uncle had a body to bury.”

Eddie threw a hand over his own mouth, stifling the sound that threatened to escape his throat as tears sprung to his eyes. He knew he’d died, and the dying itself had been no picnic, but to him the in-between had been nothing more than a bit of floaty darkness before he dropped back down into the world with a fresh start. He’d never really considered it from the outside—being a body for them to deal with, a lifeless husk that Steve had guarded if only so Wayne could have closure.

“We drove somewhere, maybe an hour outside of Hawkins where they’d built this big machine, kinda like, well, kinda like the Russians had under the mall, I guess. I didn’t understand most of it, science was never my best subject.”

Steve huffed a bitter laugh, rubbing his hands together as he continued. 

“But, uh, they said it could reverse time, or like, send a few of us back for another chance at stopping Vecna? That’s what they wanted your body for—honestly it sounded crazy, like something out of one of Dustin’s science fiction novels, but they said they could use you and the moment of your death as some kind of anchor point, the event that would slingshot time back—and would keep snapping it back until you lived, and hopefully that would mean Vecna didn’t. We waited two days, until Eleven made it back. I wanted her there too so she would remember and be able to help. We were supposed to–”  Steve swallowed back a sob, his chest contracting as he raked his hands roughly through his hair. 

“Eddie, I'm so sorry. We were supposed to remember too, you were never supposed to be alone in this. Maybe if I had, you wouldn’t have had to—” 

“No,” Eddie cut him off. “Don’t do that to yourself. None of that is your fault, ok? It’s over. He’s gone, and we’re here, and that’s all that matters now.”

Eddie rose from his spot on the couch, and had barely taken one foot in Steve’s direction when the other boy shot up out of his seat like it’d suddenly caught fire, rushing towards the door.

“Steve, wait.” Eddie called out, catching up in a few short strides. 

Steve froze with his hand on the door, but didn’t turn around. “So, you see? You don't have to worry anymore. It's—like you said, he’s dead and you’re not. The conditions were met. It’s over. That’s all I wanted you to know.”

The handle turned and Steve began to pull the door open, but Eddie couldn’t let him go, not like this, not without—

Eddie crowded up behind him, reaching past to slap his palm on the door, keeping it closed.

“Please,” Eddie quietly begged, close enough now to feel the heat of Steve’s body, to smell his skin. “Just, please… can we talk?”

“What else is there to talk about?”

“What else do you remember?”

“Everything, Eddie,” Steve breathed, barely a whisper. “I remember all of it.”

Eddie dropped his hand from the door, stumbling back. He should have expected it, because why would Steve only regain his memory of that first time, but for some reason it took him entirely off balance. 

“When?” 

“The first night you were in the hospital.” Steve turned to face him, expression resigned. “I fell asleep on a chair in your room and it was like—like a flash of lightning inside my head. I woke up and suddenly it all came rushing back. I thought I was losing my mind at first but eventually I realized what it was—that I remembered.”

“Oh.”

That was why Steve had left the hospital and never returned. Eddie had been right all along. He’d been right to worry. Steve remembered their time together—the touches, the kiss, and he regretted it all so goddamn much that he’d rather disappear than be anywhere near him.  

Eddie curled in on himself, almost wishing that he’d just let Steve go when he’d wanted to.

“Don’t worry,” Steve said, reaching again for the door. “I won’t tell anyone what happened between us. I know it didn’t mean anything to you.” 

Eddie almost didn’t hear it, already so lost in the dark storm of his own thoughts that it took a second for his brain to catch up with what Steve said. 

When it did? His heart stopped. 

“Wait, what did you just say?”

Steve sighed heavily, leaning against the door as though it was the only thing keeping him upright. “It’s fine, Eddie, really—I’m used to it by now. You don’t have to explain, try and make me feel better or anything like that. I—It was dumb to even think you might feel the same. I-I’m sorry I kissed you like that, I was way out of line.”

“What are you saying? What the fuck is happening right now?”

Steve scoffed, a little life—a little fire even, returning to his eyes. “Don’t! Don't stand there and pretend like you don’t know exactly what–”

“I don’t!" Eddie shot back. "I-I thought… It’s all backwards! Don’t you regret kissing me? Isn’t that why you left me at the hospital? Why you’ve been avoiding everyone, because you didn’t want to be around me?”

“That’s not—I mean that’s part of why I've been hiding, but it’s also everything else. I don’t know how you carried all of this on your own for so–” Steve cut himself off, clenching his jaw. “And why shouldn't I regret it? Once I remembered, all I could think about was how hard you tried to stay away from me, no matter how hard I—like an idiot—tried to get close to you. You didn’t want to share a bed with me again until I basically forced you to. You didn’t want me there with you at the Creel house—you were so angry on that last day, so disgusted with me.”

“Steve, no, it’s not–”

“What else was I supposed to think?!” Steve snapped. “I kissed you, I put it all out there in front of everyone, and I’m sorry that I didn’t remember, but you did! You remembered everything and you didn’t tell me! Well, message received loud and clear.”

Oh god, Eddie knew he’d fucked up but he’d never dreamed—Steve had it all wrong.

“Sweetheart—”

“You said it didn’t mean anything!” Steve shouted, tears flowing freely down his face. 

Eddie's already broken heart shattered into a million pieces.

“I lied!” He shouted back, the words ringing out in the sudden silence as Steve stared at him, mouth half open. 

“I… I was so fucked up after you died—still am fucked up about it. I was devastated, and terrified, and everything had just been ripped away from me—erased from history, and I was alone again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What was I supposed to do, Steve? What—how do you tell all of that to someone?!” 

Eddie raked a hand over his face, blowing out a long breath. “Oh, hey, so I know you barely know me, and you won’t remember this, but we’ve spent the past week cuddling in your bed together and sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings and secrets, and then you kissed me, and now I think I’m in love with you?!”

Steve sucked in a breath, a wounded sound escaping his lips.

“You love me?”

Eddie sputtered, briefly considering making a break for his bedroom and locking the door until Steve left, but it was out there now, for better or worse. This had always been his plan, right? To tell Steve the truth—everything. It was time to stop running.

With all the courage he could muster Eddie held Steve’s gaze, and nodded.

“Yes.”

Without warning Steve surged forward, crushing their mouths together, and Eddie didn’t hesitate for even a second to kiss back. It was a desperate, almost painful thing, teeth clacking, and wet where their tears streaked each other’s faces. 

Steve wrapped his arms around Eddie’s shoulders, cradling the back of his head as he deepened the kiss. In turn, Eddie gripped Steve’s side hard with his one good hand, trying to bring him in closer, whining when Steve broke away suddenly, only to rest their foreheads together. 

“Eddie, I lo–”

“Don’t,” the word came flying out of Eddie’s mouth without his permission. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, please.”

“Eddie, I remember everything. I’ve been drawn to you since the very beginning. From the moment you shoved me into that wall in the boathouse it was like you brought the color back into my world, when I didn’t even realize it was missing.”

Steve smiled, cupping his cheek, and pressed their heads even more firmly together. “I love you too.”

Eddie sobbed, sagging in Steve’s arms as he pressed his face into the crook of the other boy’s neck. “I missed you so much.”

“I was right here the whole time.” Steve gently rocked them together.

“I know,” Eddie hiccupped, letting out the ghost of a laugh, though none of this was funny. “I know. It’s my fault. I knew I could try again, even if I couldn’t tell you how close we’d become. I could have tried to start over but I couldn't get it out of my head, how easily it was all just gone, how you were just gone and I—It was safer to not, easier, or so I thought. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Steve shushed him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and another under his jaw. “I’m sorry too, I should have talked to you, told you that I remembered, and let you explain like you wrote.”

Their lips met again, no less desperate than before. If anything it was moreso, hungry for each other on a maddening level after so much time apart and so many feelings thought unrequited. 

Steve pushed his tongue into his mouth and Eddie welcomed the intrusion, moaning as he pushed Steve back until he was pressing him into the wall, caging him in, not once breaking the kiss. 

And Eddie knew they should probably talk more, make sure they were on the same page, and they would, but for now he just wanted to feel him, smell him, taste him. He wanted to make Steve feel good. 

His fingers played along the waistband of Steve’s jeans as he let his mouth roam lower, nipping and sucking at Steve’s neck, and came to rest on his fly, thumb grazing the button there. 

“This okay?” Eddie asked, panting, lips still pressed to skin.

Steve nodded, breath hitching as Eddie went back to work on his neck, sucking a bruise into the side of his throat as he undid Steve’s jeans with practiced fingers. 

Eddie sank to his knees, bracing himself with one hand on Steve’s thigh while he kept his casted arm tucked tight to his side. He looked up through his lashes at Steve’s flushed face, and grinned. “A little help?”

“Christ,” Steve breathed, quickly pushing his own pants and boxers down far enough to let his hardening length spring free, bobbing heavily right in front of Eddie’s face. 

Eddie leaned in, ignoring Steve’s unfairly gorgeous cock for now, and rubbed his cheek along his thigh, mouthing at his balls and pressing lips everywhere except where Steve was so desperate to be touched.

Steve looked down with heavy-lidded eyes, reaching out to touch Eddie’s face, and Eddie shamelessly nuzzled into it.

“I dreamed about having you like this so many times.” Steve said, running his thumb along Eddie’s lower lip.

Eddie's own cock twitched, and he’d never been more thankful to be wearing sweatpants. He was already painfully hard and throbbing, it would have been unbearable in his usual tight jeans.

“You been thinking about getting me on my knees, sweetheart?” Eddie wrapped his hand around Steve’s length, squeezing gently as he lapped at the tip. 

Steve threw his head back, gasping, “Eddie, fuck.”

“When was the first time? When did you realize you wanted to see me like this?”

As soon as the question was asked Eddie wrapped his lips around the head of Steve’s cock and sank down, slowly taking inch after inch into his mouth.

“The RV.” Steve grunted, breath stuttering as Eddie began to bob his head. “The very first time.” 

Steve wound a hand into Eddie's hair, pulling it out of his face, gripping it lightly at the root. “It was so hot watching you hotwire it—you and those fucking hands. Then you called me big boy and I was a goner.”

Oh god, it really had been right from the beginning, and Eddie hadn’t known. He’d felt it himself, this pull towards the other boy even if he hadn’t really realized what it was until later. 

Eddie moaned loudly around the cock in his mouth, taking it all the way down until Steve hit the back of his throat. 

Steve shuddered, hips bucking. “It was the same in the second and third loops. You just–”

Eddie pulled back briefly to catch his breath, letting the head of Steve’s cock rest on his tongue as he stroked him with his hand.

“Oh fuck–” Steve squeezed his eyes, sucking in a breath, chest heaving. “Eddie, once I knew you each loop—every time—once I really saw you? I couldn't look away.”

Eddie sank down again, taking Steve right to the hilt this time with no build up. He doubled his efforts from before, swallowing reflexively each time the head of Steve’s cock slammed into the back of his throat. 

“I’m close.” Steve hissed, bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

It was the only warning Eddie had before Steve pulsed in his mouth, coating his tongue in hot bitter fluid. Not that he minded, not at all. He swallowed it down greedily, hollowing his cheeks as he worked Steve all the way through his orgasm, swirling his tongue around the tip of him as he finally pulled off.

Eddie sat back on his heels while Steve recovered and he caught his breath, swiping the back of his hand across his chin, wet with spit and a little bit of cum that had escaped the corner of his mouth. He glanced up, locking eyes with Steve as he cleaned off the mess with his tongue.

“Jesus Christ,” Steve breathed, his spent cock twitching valiantly at the sight. He quickly tucked himself away, pulling his pants most of the way back up before helping Eddie to his feet and taking him into his arms. 

Steve’s lips were on him immediately, tongue fucking into his mouth like he was trying to mirror what they’d just done. Eddie was pretty sure he’d never been so turned on in his life, and when he felt Steve’s thigh slide between his legs, didn’t hesitate to grind himself against it. 

He probably could’ve come just from that, feeling pent up and insane in the best way, but when his movements became too erratic Steve pulled his leg back. Eddie whined into Steve’s mouth at the loss, until he realized what the other boy intended. 

Steve snaked a hand up under Eddie’s shirt, his fingers brushing through the hair of his happy trail, coming to rest just above the waistband of his pants as he pulled back from the kiss. 

“Can I touch you?”

“Please,” Eddie begged, feeling like he might explode before Steve could ever lay a finger on him. 

Steve wasted no time pushing Eddie’s pants out of the way, revealing his poor neglected cock, red and leaking at the tip, and though Eddie was pretty sure this was his first time doing anything like this with a guy, Steve wasn’t shy about taking him in hand—licking his lips as he spread the pre-cum around with his thumb to ease the drag.

It was almost embarrassing how quickly Eddie came over Steve’s fist, his vision nearly whiting out with the intensity of it, and he was pretty sure he would have fallen without Steve there to catch him.

When he’d recovered enough to stand on his own two feet, Eddie pulled the shirt right off his own back, for lack of anything else, and cleaned up the mess he’d made on Steve’s hand, enjoying the way the other boy’s eyes raked over his suddenly bare chest. 

“Will you stay? We could share my bed this time?” Eddie asked.

Steve smiled, pulling him in close and pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder. “Nothing could make me leave you right now. As long as you want me, I'm here.” 

-

Though the bed and the room were different, laying tangled together with Steve was just as he remembered, familiar and comfortable, and now with the added bonus of bare skin. Having no more reason to cover up with each other they’d both fallen into bed in nothing but boxers. 

They faced each other, cuddled up in Eddie’s favorite position, his head tucked up under Steve’s chin, face pressed to his neck.

They were quiet for so long, just holding each other and for a minute Eddie thought Steve had fallen asleep, until he heard a sniffle and felt a drop of wetness land in his hair.

“Stevie, sweetheart–”

Eddie tried to look up, but Steve curled his arms more firmly around him, squeezing him tight. 

“You were dead. There was so much blood, and you were dead in my arms and I can’t stop seeing it when I close my eyes.” Steve sucked in a sharp breath, a few more tears splashing the top of Eddie’s head.  “I didn’t even know you that well yet and still–”

Eddie rubbed his hand along Steve’s back in soothing circles, giving him comfort and the space to grieve without pushing him to say any more. 

When he was calmer, and his crying slowed, Steve spoke again. “Thinking back on it with how I feel about you now, I just, I don’t know how I'd survive if something happened to you.” He drug his lips along Eddie’s temple. “I’m sorry, I know that’s a crazy fucking thing to say so soon.”

Eddie pulled back, and this time Steve let him, so he could finally look him in the eye. “It’s not crazy, or if it is, I mean, I get it. I—Steve, I feel exactly the same way. I was already so far gone on you, and then you kissed me and it was–It was like you were giving me everything I ever wanted and more. But then you died. If Jason hadn’t come along and shot me that night, I would have done it myself just for the chance to bring you back.”

Steve tilted his head, reaching up to tuck a stray curl behind Eddie’s ear. “Maybe we’re both crazy.”

“Maybe.” Eddie smiled, a little bittersweet for the truth of it. “I’m sorry that I didn’t try to tell you. I–”

“It’s okay. Baby, you don’t have to keep explaining yourself.”

Baby.

Eddie shivered, but he couldn’t let what hearing that one little word did to his insides distract him from what he needed to say. 

“I–I was just so scared. I knew If I got too close to you again and it ended the same way, it would destroy me. I thought if I stayed away that I could protect myself, but I was already so in love with you. Staying away hurt almost as much as losing you would have. I think… a part of me was also worried that you were just exploring yourself with me, and I couldn’t handle the idea of only being your experiment. It wasn’t fair of me to put that fear on you, to not give you the benefit of the doubt. I was an asshole. I made a bad situation worse, and I’m just so sorry.”

“Are you still worried about that? That I’ll freak out about this, or change my mind?” Steve asked, not sounding mad or hurt, just wanting to understand.

“I’m trying not to,” Eddie answered honestly. “But, maybe—a little. There’s nothing quite like getting punched in the face right after your first kiss to make you cautious.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you. I promise this isn’t some fling or experiment to me. I–I meant it, Eddie. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chapter 13: Epilogue (coming in two weeks! 5/5)

Special thanks to @penny00dreadful for being the best beta, friend and cheerleader.

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