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dreamyzhou · 27 days

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I Swear I’ll Never Leave Again | Lee Juyeon

Pairing: childhood friend!Lee Juyeon x historian!fem reader

Genre: Angst + Fluff slow-paced contemporary non-idol au

Words: 6,300+

Warnings: one NSFW joke, a corrupt working authority, fraud from a big institute, Y/N is a wreck who can’t deal with overwhelming big emotions, crying, mentions of food and sugar, betrayal i guess (?), just the fact that it’s a fic of two idiots having complicated feelings and here they are trying to solve it, jealousy (?), fighting (not physically), Juyeon’s mom is called Auntie Sora, kissing, pet names

Inspired by: I Swear I’ll Never Leave Again by Keshi.

Premise: For a career that started with an unnecessary sacrifice of a special relationship with a childhood best friend, everything was going well. Until it didn’t. But for once, being involved in your nation’s biggest fraud scandal gave you a chance to fix everything.

[July 2016, Graduation Day in Liberty High of Gwangju]

Finishing high school felt like the closing of your childhood and happiness. You felt like you were closing a chapter of a book you didn't want to put down.

That day was going to be a crumbled sandcastle before it was even built. Not only was the idea of being your own responsibility scared you, but the idea of leaving home was painful to you.

Leaving home was not leaving a familiar place or leaving a tearful, yet proud family behind for college. It was leaving Juyeon.

You and Juyeon were the school's loyal students for 12 years straight in your generation. You both knew each other even before both your moms placed you in the same school. A companion since childhood who had your heart and placed it in a warm place. All it took for you to feel at home again... was him.

Telling your best friend of 15 years that you were leaving, a day before you actually do, making him process the fact that you were moving in no time, was a mean move. Not only that, you broke the promise you both made as children; that what you both had would be everlasting. You both promised, more than the swear under tangled pinky fingers, that even if you decide to leave your past behind or change identities, the only person you'd still call back was supposed to be him and vice versa. You both each had a designated Nokia flip phone with a SIM card that had no contacts but each other’s. The phones and SIM cards were stolen with a plan by the both of you from a device store run by an old uncle in an underground market back when you were both 13.

You knew the day of graduation would go bad. What you didn't know was that you still have the ability to worsen it.

Not only did you decide to put an end to an evergreen friendship, one that contributed to who you are and your happiness, but the way you ended it was in the way you knew Juyeon would hate so much.

You ended it by not going to the graduation day and leaving the city as Juyeon waited for you to throw your graduation caps together.

[Early 2020 | Seoul]

You were pursuing your Master’s Degree finally. Bachelor's distorted the idea of time as luxury. You wished having no time was a good reason to state why you missed important assignments. You wished that having “no time to do assignments due to the importance of the assigned person's sanity being the number one priority" was a good enough reason to excuse yourself. Yet at the same time, you wished you had time. Because you did not even complete your assignments, despite sacrificing lunch, dinner, and sleeping hours just for them. One time, when you were in your finding-my-circle phase, you talked to a few senior girls at the bathroom sinks. They gave you useless tips (That was how you knew they were definitely not your circle).

"If he doesn't wanna give you an A, F him." you remembered the automatic grimace you made.

You wanted to make it up to yourself. So when you saw a brochure at the library's promotional corkboard, you stayed to read it all. An exciting title written by a named institute from back home with very professional graphic designing skills.

We are hiring: Future's Hope for Education!

The nation's leading learning institute is looking for students majoring in

1. Archaeology (Undergraduate and Graduate)

2. History (Undergraduate and Graduate)

3. Military History (Only accepting Graduates)

4. Art History (Only accepting Graduates. Hired as conservator-restorer)

We are building a historical museum, aiming to educate the youth the importance of the past war to teach them about their future. Undergraduates who major in archaeologists and historians are accepted as interns. Graduates are hired as the major's profession.

Please contact us for more information.

Another big day, another big anticipation, another thing you wished you could tell Juyeon, another reason you regretted leaving him. You wished you could’ve taken him with you. Auntie Sora would’ve let him go with you. This was also another day where you hated yourself for still lying with yourself. Maybe all you needed was a time to reorganize your feelings. Maybe at the time you developed an unfamiliar feeling with Juyeon and it scared you, because it could’ve harmed him, yourself, and what you both had. You wished you knew that it meant romantic attraction and you wished you knew how to repress it to save everything you had. Now, you lost all of them; him, yourself, and what you both had.

[Late 2020]

You were doing splendidly in your job. The boss had always said your findings were always the 'fanciest'. You caught him joking from time to time about how much money the artifacts you've found would cost. He would say the museum would make his fellow (probably rich CEO-esque) friends jealous.

You and a few of your college friends were starting to spot weird behaviors from the son of the CEO, who you all referred to as your boss. He would scream and throw ceramic mugs at his own bodyguards (of which you were always curious why he had almost five of them guarding his door and ten for the whole building).

One day, Kevin (your college friend who studied Art History and worked to restore paintings there) was called to the office. You, Changmin, and Chanhee wished him luck through facial expressions.

Kevin came out of the office with a pale face almost zombie-like. All three of you noticed him running to the bathroom. He came back to his workspace and wrote something on three Post-It notes.

He packed everything on his table and his bag. When Chanhee and Changmin were whispering "What happened?" and "Talk to us!" You spotted your boss getting out of his office, and talked to one of the bodyguards.

That bodyguard was approaching Kevin as soon as the boss was in his office once again. You looked at Kevin with brows furrowed. Kevin beated the uniformed, muscled man to the exit door.

The three of you looked at each other, only to notice each one of your desks had one yellow Post-It note.

[As Working Hour Ended That Day]

The three of you decided to call Kevin after work in a café due to the heavy policy of no phones in that building. But before that, you three had to read his Post-It notes first, since all of you had so much work to do and your boss wanted it done by today.

All of you received different messages from the artistic guy.

"There's a number 2 on the top with blue ink. Then, he wrote Dark Groceries written in black. On the bottom, it says I have the job of the General. He's scaring me..." You and Chanhee saw the note as described by Changmin.

"Mine has number 1. And a drawing of a guy painting and next to it are two letters S and T crossed and drawing of a... printer? Below it says I didn't enlist but have no ER. The bottom said Hey I just met you and it's not a maybe. Chanhee, what did you get?”

"3 on top. He wrote sick and a plus sign. He drew an eagle next to it. Bottom has a drawing of a spool of thread with a writing D-day turns into T-Minus.”

"Gee. Since when can he come up with cryptic messages?" Changmin looked at the three green-coloured notes.

"Whatever, I think we should call hi—"

"Wait... I figured it out." Chanhee's milky face washed out and somehow possessed the same horror that Kevin had.

[5 minutes later]

(The picture is just for easier visualization. It was created with few editing skills and a little help from AI)

"Put all your notes, according to his number from 1, 2, and 3." Chanhee placed your sticky note on the table first as yours had number 1, then Changmin's, and finally his own.

"Read Y/N's first. He drew an 'artist.' Take out the letter S and T from the word, you get arti. It won't make sense unless you add the drawing of a fax printer, which I believe he wanted us to use only the word fax. So arti plus fax, meaning artifacts. So far, is that clear?" You and Changmin nodded.

"I didn't enlist but I have no ER. Guess what they call a person who enlist."

"A troop? A soldier? I don't—" Changmin said the one thing that came to mind.

"Correct. The I is removed and it doesn't have E and R. Final equation, sold. It says Artifacts sold. The bottom one, I figured, was left to be read last but still in the numbered order."

"What does he mean artifacts sold?" You asked Chanhee.

"That's where number two comes in. Dark Groceries. Dark obviously means Black. Do you know where we go for groceries?"

"Holy hell..." that was when all of you knew how scary all of this was.

"Third, sick is the synonym for?"

"Ill... so with the eagle..." You looked at Chanhee, hoping what you pieced wasn't true, he only nodded while clenching his fist around his hair. Changmin reacted as if life turned 180 degrees on him, and to be fair, it did. Your body was so weak that your lungs forgot to do its automatic job.

"Illegal... What about the bottom texts?"

"Yours said Hey, I just met you and it's not a maybe. It might be referring to the song Call Me Maybe, but he doesn't want to say it with maybe. Changmin... I'm not sure what a general does, but I've seen Hollywood movies and as far as I know they're there to strategize, right? I don't know… Miss military historian, do you copy?"

"Affirmative, and you are right, this means Kevin has a strategy? Might as well meet him in his flat now! Let's go!"

"No. Stay. The third bottom text told you why you should call him instead."

"What is it?"

"A thread, D-day turns into T-minus? My best bet is that he meant the letter D in thread turns into T." You cursed in your head, feeling a little helpless.

[The call]

"Listen to me, the three of you, do not panic, okay? There are only 3 things you all need to do to quit without being threatened that they will watch you everywhere. One, play along and comply. Agree to whatever they say. Hell, act like you agree that artifacts should be sold. Two, each of you need to quit on different dates, each of you need to quit long enough not to make suspicion after the first one."

"Wait, I don't get the second one-"

"So say Changmin quit on February 2nd, Y/N will follow by quitting on February 20th. Chanhee, well that guy can stay all he likes—"

"Stay on track, man from maple-leaf land. Don't kid around with this stuff!"

"All right, you get my point. If they ask you why you leave, never act like you know anything about their selling stuff. On the other hand, if the man starts to promote you... That's when you're in a dangerous trap. Because at this point, he will start telling you about the dirty work and making you do them. Threatening you things such as if you tell anyone, they will come after you. Just say you'll consider it, but you won't answer now."

"This is wrong... I think all of us need to be whistleblowers..."

"You mean we should tangle ourselves a little bit to the danger just to gather evidence and submit them to the police. Next."

"I don't see why it's a bad idea. They're breaking a very big law." Changmin said.

[May 2021]

The Sentinel Post

A Nationally-Approved Conglomerate Illegally Sold Artifacts in Underground Auctions

The Citizen Speech

The Country's Biggest Institute of Learning Hide Behind the Education Facade to Gain Dirty Money

The International Paper

South Korea's President Demands Full Punishment on Those Responsible for The "Military Museum" Scandal

"Breaking news, coming from FOX News here, we are looking at probably the biggest fiery situation currently going on in South Korea. You know, Reggie, the other I just babysat my nieces who apparently listened to K-pop. I must say I'm impressed by the hype, they did it all with music and all of their culture is more interesting than those we have here in America, but now..."

"Hmmm, I don't know, Jeanette. The hype around the Asian country might be tanking soon with the museum scandal going on."

"These Americans are so fuc—"

"Chanhee, no swear words. We need to cool our heads down and getting triggered by them won't help."

"Y/N's right, Chanhee. Tomorrow's Supreme Court, we deserve to turn off the TV and drink beer tonight." Though, you know Changmin was also scared of what the media were saying.

Another scary day, another worry, another thing you wished you could tell Juyeon, another reason you regretted leaving him.

[Summer 2021]

With the four of you becoming the loved-hated people of the country with everybody recognizing you in the streets if you don't wear your masks, everything becomes overwhelming. Despite being thanked as whistleblowers and people who 'believed that justice needed to be served,' there are people who came up to the four of you, saying that you 'were too gullible' or 'too desperate for money that you had to fall for that.'

The four of you were hired by the government as "the nation's way to say gratitude" (A western article headline once said) to work in the National Museum owned by the government themselves. Interpol made a deal with the four of you, ensuring all of you safety wherever you go and money enough to cover each of you everything, even your retirement. As long as all of you work along with them to gain back every artifact sold.

Now all of you reunited and shared a flat that you all bought. The flat only had four floors. The ground floor is not much, just some stairs with locked security PIN and a door to a room for some police officer whose authority believe all of you are, and will always be, in danger. Anyone had to punch in the code to go up to the stairs and meet a wide wooden door enough for 3 people lined up to go through simultaneously. Inside would be a living room and a spacious kitchen with two doors leading to Chanhee's bedroom and Changmin's, and also another set of stairs leading to the third floor, which only had your room, Kevin's, and a guest. The top would be a balcony.

You thought about it everyday. How lucky that lot of people believed you are not a bad person. That the Supreme Court was right not to charge you or put you in jail for anything even for petty things like breaching company's secrecy and confidentiality or overall just being in the mess of the scandal. How you get to enjoy a big, yet enough apartment with the company of your brothers. Your parents told you everyday that you've become a 'big girl' now. You and your three loud friends told each other that it was not their fault (though, they may say otherwise to themselves too). However, as a historian who was once tasked by the now orange-suited boss to recover Korean soldier's belongings, you felt responsible. You thought about the things you recovered everyday. Love letters to their wives and kids, prized possessions, torn pictures, and marriage rings.

That was why you agreed to the Interpol deal.

You had to, so that you could forgive yourself.

[Winter 2022 | Unsent Love Letters no. 115]

From May 2021 until Fall 2022, the government had attained almost 500 collections that only Chanhee, Changmin, and you collected (Kevin had another job in the National museum). All that because the other 7 historians who were hired in the secretly-illegal project (those you don't know the names of anyway) weren't brave enough to involve themselves with authorities and help out after what happened. So the three of you had to clean up their mess too. Job opportunities went better for the three of you as the world heard that all of you had been involved with the government to gain back the things illegally put on sale. So one lesson you learned from the journey was that don't be cowardice, take your second chance to do the right thing, and if you have to, let the anger be the motivation to that.

Though, the good news was that 487 of those were all that were needed for the project to be finally done. However, 156 of them needed to be given back to whoever inherited them or needed to be asked for museum display consent.

"Y/N, come to my office."

You tailed your boss to his office, closing his creaky wooden door with the sticker 'Dr. Ryu's Workspace'.

"I'm sending you home to Gwangju."

You didn't even know what it meant yet, but the statement stunned you.

"I'm sorry, sir... Am I fired?" He gently chuckled, shook his head, then dropped his gaze to the wooden floor.

"No. I'm sending you there for three reasons. First, there is a bundle of unsent love letters, we numbered it Object 115. I need you to deliver it to the owner's widow. Second, I checked your records and history. You haven't left Seoul since 2016, never went home since then too. Why?" You were bewildered with the sudden detailed knowledge your boss gained. You didn't even know you've been staying in Seoul for 6 years.

"That's... personal."

"That's enough to tell me you need rest. I mean 6 years, tied to a scandal you didn't know would turn into a national drama, must've tired you out, no?"

"I mean, yeah, but—"

"And, three... Because there's a letter to me from someone from Gwangju, there was him in a photo you had together. He wanted to talk to you." Your brain was swirling in a whirlpool of suspicion and confusion.

"Well... who is it?"

"That's... personal."

"What the-"

"Not for me, but for the guy. He said he'll visit you there."

"Doc, I appreciate your concern regarding me, but I'm not going—"

"It's an order, not optional."

[3 days later, 2022 | Gwangju]

You took a taxi immediately to the address of Object 115's owner. With two suitcases packed for 3 months (mandatory) leave, you left the taxi in front of a suburban house with a wide green grass field, piled up with 5 cm thick of snow You walked with the gravity pulling your hand along with the suitcases, feeling your shoulders yearning to detach itself from the rest of your body. Who even thought a field of 15 meters in front of a house was beautiful enough to keep? Wouldn't it be inconvenient for the elderly woman owner of these love letters to bring monthly groceries inside? Look at the field, no one raked the snow in a while.

You placed your belongings beside you on the wooden porch, where you saw a golden retriever chained to the fence. The dog wagged its tail when it saw you, as if it knew you.

You thought the dog was familiar.

Juyeon had a dog when he was 17. A golden retriever puppy, named Robu. He asked you to name it and you said 'Love' but he thought you said 'Rob'.

The dog began whining at you, and sat up straight, looking at you with puppy sparkle eyes.

"Robu! What are you whining at? I—" a woman, maybe, around her sixties opened the door.

"Y/N?"

"Hi, Auntie Sora?”

[-.. --- -. .----. - / .-.. . .- ...- .]

"I think Juyeon could go home anytime with his grandma. Those letters belong to her husband." You took in the sight around the living room, while petting Robu who sat beside you on the sofa. They moved away from the street near your school to the outer area of the city.

"Oh... yeah... thanks." Auntie Sora was on the leather couch, sitting beside you looking at you with an unrecognizable feeling. Maybe it was because you didn't know how to feel either.

"What brings you back, Y/N?" There was a sympathetic smile, as her cheeks wrinkled, showing you that same love she still had back when she considered you the daughter she never had.

"Just... this letter I needed to give Mrs. Lee—"

"You would do that, but you wouldn't come back to Juyeon?" You could tell she was trying to understand you. She wasn't going Mom mode on you and being protective of Juyeon. You sighed, appreciating the effort it must've taken after hurting her son.

"I had to. I was told to go back to Gwangju on paid leave for 3 months, and I may not refuse. After everything, I mean this doesn't sound bad. At least that's what I thought, when I planned not to see Juyeon at all." The door opened and a wheelchaired woman pushed her wheels forward, as somebody was heard closing the door behind her.

"Sora! Darling! Juju and I bought groceries. Look at this boy, picking his old nan from daycare. Got all the nurses wanting him!" the elderly laughed coarsely.

"Granny!" groaned the boy behind her.

The moment they faced the living room from the foyer, everything turned into slow motion. The uncomfortable heat of embarrassment running in your veins. The guilt spasming your muscles. The way Auntie Sora's presence left your side. The sight of Juyeon freezing, turning pale as he tried to remember to breathe.

"Oh! Who is this nice-looking lass? Have you eaten, dear? I baked some cookies this morning with my daughter, Sora. It's Indonesian, I believe? It's called 'Snow Princess'. Juyeon, my grandson here, said to make it every month so that he can share it with his best friend back when he was in elementary school. Apparently, she loved it so much! I wished I could meet her—My grandson said she hated him now, so that's why she ran away from town. But Juyeon still loves it, though not as much ever since then!"

You tried to look at Juyeon's eyes, acting like you just acknowledged an unfamiliar guy in his family’s house. He just stared at the floor with lips shut. Arms folded as he leaned to the doorless entrance to the living room.

"I- Um- No- Uh- Thank you, Mrs. Lee, but I've eaten too much sugar today!"

"Oh, you know 'snow princess' cookies? Yeah, I believe sometimes the powdered sugar coating could be overwhelming. You’re very good at habit control, dear! It has been rare seeing those in people. I’d eat the cookies everyday and I would still annoy my endocrinologists." She pushed her wheels near you to talk to you more as her old soul laughed satisfyingly. She was about to initiate another topic, but you couldn't handle whatever was going on. So, you talked first.

"Mrs. Lee, I'm here to return your belated husband's letters."

She was startled with what you just said. You could tell from how her trembling wrinkly hands turned into a frosty statue. Then, she looked at you with relief in her eyes.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for someone to say that.”

[3 hours later]

“Thank you for coming and delivering these to me. He was always excited to name my daughter. I never met him again after he died when I was 7 months pregnant with Sora. We’ve always thought to name the child Sora if it turned out to be a girl or Juyeon if it was a boy. Turns out, I didn’t have the heart to remarry, so when Sora and her husband had a son, his name was Juyeon. It’s a big relief to know that I named our child based on an agreement that we couldn’t execute through any communication at all. Hell, he died before he even gotta tell me he wanted the name to be Sora. He died not knowing our child’s name was Sora.” She wiped her tears with more tissue sheets.

“My pleasure, Mrs. Lee…”

There was a heartwarming silence as you witnessed the hug that Mrs. Lee and Auntie Sora had. One that moved your heart. It was a silence that deafened your eyes from the noise of people’s opinions of your 6 years old historian career. You realized that for once, whatever you were doing, it didn’t only have an impact on you. It was people like this, who gave you a view of the importance of executing your job with the best manner.

“Mrs. Lee and um— Ms. Sora,” without even looking at her, you could tell the honorifics confused her. “I should go home for the night. Thank you so much for welcoming me. I hope you both have a good night.”

You bowed to both of them, then they offered you to bring food from their kitchen like their homemade kimchi and of course, ‘Snow Princess’ cookies.

“No, thanks… I had too much already.”

“I’ll walk you out.” That was the first time Juyeon tried to look at you with the biggest effort to lift his lip corners.

You walked to the foyer, alongside him. You wore your shoes quickly and took the two suitcases you left beside the shoe rack. He followed you behind, opening the door for you. As he closed it behind him, he took the suitcase you held in your right hand.

“Are you going to your parents’ house?” he looked at you, cracking a gentle smile.

“No. They sold it and moved to the other end of the city.”

“Oh no, I know that. What I meant is will you go to that house they’re currently in?” You looked at him, trying to hide every guilt and embarrassment.

“...No. I don’t really want them to know I’m here. I, uh, was about to check in on Four Seasons.” He looked back at his mom’s house, then to his car.

“I don’t mind taking you there. Our house is pretty far from the central area anyway.”

Oh, lord have mercy.

[Sunset | Red light intersection at near Liberty High of Gwangju]

There was an awkward silence in the car. The silence felt like an uncomfortable noise. You wanted to find the source and stop it. However, everything was the source. Whatever you do to stop this silence was not going to make it better. Act like everything was fine? Nothing was. Act like nothing is fine? Could’ve worsened it.

“You sent the letter to my higher-up, didn’t you?” He chuckled a little as you faced him.

“Glad you still know me well after six years…” The red light turned yellow. Then, green.

“What’s up? Is there something important to tell me?” You tried to speak gently, in a friendly manner.

“Yeah, I swear it’s important enough that you had to come back and hear it from me.” Okay, that hurts more than it should.

“Oh… Okay… what is it?”

“I’m getting married, Y/N. You’re invited.” He looked at your eyes for a second before going back to the road.

You looked at him, feeling whatever he said froze you colder than the snow. Then, something just tickled the inside walls of your stomach, generating this uncontrollable giggle.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing… Just…” You tried to control the tears with your convincing laughs, “Who is she?”

“You’ll know, eventually.” He smirked as his eyes stayed focused ahead.

“You’re not gonna tell me?” You scoffed, expressing half of the offense you’d taken. He shrugged, still not wanting to reciprocate the eye contact.

“Why should I, though?”

“Because I’m your best—”

“No, you’re not. You’re invited as an old high school acquaintance.”

He stepped on the brakes as another red light made an appearance, letting elementary kids from Liberty High of Gwangju cross the road tailing the school bus driver like little ducklings following their mama duck. That was when he looked at you with eyes you didn’t recognize. Eyes that didn’t feel like it belonged to Juyeon’s. Those eyes had a view of flames of anger disguised in the sea of calm.

“Oh…” Those icy eyes and inferno in the rest of his facial features was an unfamiliar look on him. “Okay…”

The car took a left turn. You knew it took just another kilometer to reach your hotel, but the tension in the car tightened your airways. You badly wanted to cry and you had no clue why.

“You can drop me off here. In front of the 7/11 store, I can just walk from there.” You pointed at the store 5 short buildings away from the car.

“No. It’s been a heavy snowfall lately. Besides, it’s quite a walk to the Four Seasons.” You faced him, coughing out a bitter laugh.

“You don’t mind an acquaintance’s request, don't you?” He looked at you. Clenching his jaw, intentionally showing the visible anger he never had the ability to show.

“You have no right not to let me marry another person. Not after I let you go, despite you not giving me a reason to move on. Do you understand me?” His voice lowered, almost generating a growl.

“This is not about whether or not I let you marry another girl, Juyeon.” You whispered.

He took a second to look at your tear-glazed eyes.

“Then… what?” He calmly asked as he stepped on the brakes in front of the fancy hotel.

He stopped his silver Hyundai Ioniq, gave his keys to the valet driver. You exited the car, opening the back of his car to take your suitcases, shutting it again. As the valet driver took off and did his job, you came back to Juyeon, ignoring the greetings the uniformed hotel staff gave you.

“I just…” You realized; you didn’t know what it was about, either. So, you lied. “I just want to know her name.”

He looked at your eyes, getting closer. Trying to search for something in those eyes that were trying its best not to burst and pour all her tears.

“You know… I only need you here not because I wanted to make you feel miserable or to rub it on your face that I’ve moved on from what we’ve had.” He paused before taking your suitcase from your left hand and placed it on the floor. He took the empty hand and looked at it before closing it into a fist.

“I just wanted to be in peace with you before another person eventually replaces your specialty. That’s what you wanted, right? Not to be special in my life anymore?”

[Midnight, 01:34 AM | Gwangju, but not home]

You were hurting, physically over an emotional moment that you had encountered. You were lucky the only person having a room on the floor you were at was you. You were hugging your knees looking at the Gwangju sky as your chest heaved for more oxygen, a downpour of tears on your cheeks.

The worst part? He was right.

You trapped him in a pit of pain, making him face everything alone. Leaving him for no reason. You had put him through hell and all that, because you had been in love with him.

Somehow, he managed to escape and made you fall in the same pit.

After gazing at the stars of the Gwangju sky, every tear representing each of them that appeared, you looked down at the brown suede suitcase you brought. You walked away from the bed, opening the suitcase, finding anything that had the ability to clean up the mess on your face.

Until, you saw a black Nokia 2720.

[03:21 AM | The hidden playground only the both of you knew about]

He was there already with his black hoodies and gray jeans. You walked to his side with your head hung low, looking at the rusty carousel he was focusing his sight on.

“Nothing in this town became lively as you left. Not this playground. Not the house you sold. Not me. Not even my mom who was worried about me.” He turned his head to the right, looking at you with serenity.

“You were not the only one who wanted to leave town and forget the other.” You took a breath until you inflated the lungs a bit too much, almost like a balloon on the verge of popping. It was the only method you know to make sure you got enough oxygen for your brain to think straight.

“Juyeon… The reason why I left you was because I thought my feelings would scare you.” He furrowed his eyebrows as his hands stayed in his pockets.

“I didn’t know how to tell someone that I was in love with my own best friend, because usually it would be you who knows everything about me first. Sometimes, I don’t even have to tell you and you know… How could I tell you I was in love with you without hurting everything we had?” The frown on your face started to cramp your cheeks, the tears burned your skin.

“We both had nobody but each other. I didn’t want to befriend someone just to talk about you as my crush.” His eyes softened.

“God, Juyeon, I could never hate you. If I do, I’d make you the one to leave the city.” You let out a sad chuckle.

“I didn’t even know the feeling I had back on Graduation Day was romantic attraction. Now, here I am. Will never be forgiven by you. Will never get the chance to love you the way I want to. Will never be special to you again. Will never be trustworthy. I changed you, but that was because you don’t know who I become anymore. And to be frank with you,” You choked on your cries along the words. “I don’t either.”

“I’m sorry, Lee Juyeon. I’m sorry that I ruined everything. I’m sorry I was scared. I'm sorry that I love you so much that the love I had for you scared me enough to run away from the person I was willing to give my love to. I forgot that it could've hurt you too."

You dried your tears with the right sleeve of your knitted cardigan. Then, you covered your mouth with it to reduce the sound of your cries.

“Y/N…” Juyeon brushed off your hand from your face, grabbing your face to get a clear look on you.

“You should’ve told me. I feel the same.” You still let the tears flow.

“Y/N, do you know why Dr. Ryu gave you three months?” You shook your head.

“I wanted that much time to make you give me a reason to move on. Deep down, I never moved on and I don’t want to. I still feel the same way and I still want you. But if you did let me go, then the only way to shut me out for good is for you to tell me a good enough reason why you quit on me… I never got down on one knee for anyone, Y/N. I only imagine it’d be you.”

[ January 15th 2023 | The ‘98 Flat, Seoul ]

“I’m confused though…” You smiled at him, wondering something as he sat down next to you on the sofa.

“What is it?” He asked you, looking at you full of adoration.

“Why not let me go? What I did was cruel…” He didn’t even take a second to think about the answer.

“You were the companion of my life for 15 years. I knew that when you left me, it didn’t mean you let me go easily either. I still know you, Y/N. You are never cruel.” You leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Cake’s ready!” Changmin yelled as he went to the dinner table with the cake he made.

“Happy birthday, Juyeon!” You sang along with your three friends. Kevin shut off the light, Chanhee lit the candles on the cake, then you called Robu to come along with you.

As Juyeon made his wish and Chanhee took some photos, you looked at him with all the joy in your heart that you never felt before. There was this satisfying feeling of recovering everything you lost, but also getting more than just that. You finally had the man who made you happy and he never failed to make you even happier than yesterday. He opened his eyes and he blew the candles. As the lights turned on again, you got closer to Juyeon.

“Happy birthday, love.” You smiled before your lips touched his. It was slow and warming like a lit candle was inside you, not burning the walls of your heart directly with the fire, but warm enough to give an impact.

“Thanks, honey.”

“Alright! Today a package came in the mail from Juyeon’s mom. Here it is!” Changmin took out a present from a red bag.

“Happy birthday, kiddo! Enjoy life with the boyz, Y/N, and Robu! Granny and I love you lots! Awww, it’s the cookies you like, honey!” You saw the ‘Snow Princess’ cookies with the heart-shaped packaging.

“We got you these expensive gifts, because you look like an expensive man. Prada belt from Changmin, Chanel perfume from me, and—wait, what is—Did Kevin just buy him riddles flashcards?” Chanhee screeched.

“Brother, ugh—”

“Wait, what’s wrong with—”

“BROTHER, UGH!”

“HELLO, SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHY—?”

“Military Museum scandal PTSD, here we go again!”

Juyeon had his eyes on you the entire time. His wish became true even before he even made it; That from then on, he would have you in his journey with hands held forever until you actually do have a good reason to let him go.

#the boyz #tbz #lee juyeon #tbz juyeon #juyeon angst #juyeon #juyeon fluff #dreamyzhou the boyz juyeon #dreamyzhou fic

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