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zuzuhe · 7 years

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the sonic archie comics are unreal

as an 8 year+ ‘sonic veteran’, I gotta tell you, young me has read some shit. I used to be way into sonic stuff for some reason, and one day I discovered the sonic comics. I’ve collected over 300 issues and many of its spin off stories, and I need you guys to sit down because sonic comics are one fucking wild ride that never stops.

fun fact: Sonic comics are the longest running comic based off a video game. (started like... 1990′s and continues today...nearly 20 years now)

here’s my top 16 weird ass facts about the sonic comics you guys might enjoy:

16. Knuckles' half brother Knee-cap

So Knuckles’ mother(Lara-le) divorces his father(Locke) and ends up marrying a guy named Wynmacher and has a child with him who they named “Knecapeon Mace” but called him Knee-Caps for short.

15. Knuckles becomes evil Thor at some point

So Knuckles has this arch-nemesis named Dr. Finitevus who looks pretty cool and all and Finitevus I guess curses Knuckles to become this weird evil god that wants to destroy technology or something... and Knux’s father Locke ended up sacrificing himself so Knuckles could go back to normal so Finitevus indirectly killed Knuckles’s father...

honorable mentions.... Knuckles has a great uncle that is a floating robotic head because he abandoned his body so he could live longer... also Rouge has flirted and kissed Knuckles’s dad more than once.......................................... just thought I should throw that out there...

14. Sonic is a fucking stud jfc

Sonic has dated or flirted with nearly ever girl in this fckin franchise I need to lie down... and this one girl he was dating... Fiona the fox:

So apparently there was this robot duplicate made of Fiona when she was Tails’ age and Tails was dating that robot on an island or some shit and then he realized Fiona was fake... but then the real Fiona appears one day and she’s a few years older than Tails (16 while Tails is like 12 or 13) and Tails is heart broken because she starts dating Sonic but then she starts fucking cheating on Sonic with Sonic’s anti-self Scourge from another dimension and if you haven’t pulled out your wine bottle yet, now is the time to because damn do we need a drink after all this shit ... there’s just a lot of romantic drama in Sonic’s life

13. The Mina the Mongoose situation

So Mina Mongoose is this popular pop-singer that dated Sonic at some point. They have this weird drama where Mina gets shot in the back to save Sally for Sonic… but she survives and then I guess she gets over Sonic and starts dating her gothic asshole manager named Ash?????? Mina I guess had some weird ties with Mammoth Mogul some weird psychic evil mammoth who somehow initiated control over Tails, Mighty, and Mina and threatens to kill them unless Sonic breaks him out of jail and gives him a chaos emerald… trust me this comic gets really fckin dark and confusing..

Speaking of dark, Sonic and Co. eventually lose their entire city to Eggman and Nicole, a robotic A.I. makes an artificial recreated city, but then she gets taken over by some techno bitch and Mina has reoccuring nightmare and tries to throw a rebellion against her or some shit idk

Mina’s life has always been about drama, to the point where in the future she fucking marries Tails?! and they have TWO children Melody and Skye like what the fuck is happening right now

12.Tails’ family

Tails’ father (Amadeus) was a general that lead the mobian army against the humans. His mother Rosemary had actually worked with her husband to fucking OVERTHROW THE KINGDOM OF ACORN TO TRY AND CREATE A DEMOCRACY….. …. also Tails’ uncle Merlin Prower is more or less a “jedi” wizard who is learning the way of chaos power…. so Tails’ family is all over the place they’ve been kidnapped by aliens, roboticized, thrown in jail, I mean damn this kid has been hanging out with Sonic because his family was just not around him most of their life they love him but they got shit to do… fuck shit up Prower family damn….

11. Sonic’s family

Sonic’s real name is Ogilvie Maurice Hedgehog. I shit you not. Sonic was just a nickname. Can you fucking believe this I’m dead omg.... His mom is blonde by the way, her name is Bernadette. His father (jules) was turned into a robot by Eggman and they have yet to reverse this process, but his Uncle Chuck is fine...he’s still got his luscious mustache.

Sonic ends up marrying Sally in the main future timeline and they have two children named Sonia and Manic, which are names derived from the Sonic Underground series where Sonic has two siblings named Sonia and Manic and all three are royals who the queen hid within the city to protect them from the evil Robotnik or some shit…. I mean how deep does this get….look at those fucking parallels...

10. Shadow marries Sally / future situation

Knuckles who somehow has become a cowboy with a robot eye… marries an echidna named Julie-su and they have a daughter named Laura-su. Bunnie and Antione have two children who for some reason are half metal, as mentioned Tails married Mina and their two kids Melody and Skye…. no idea what the fuck happened to Amy in this future, she’s just kinda gone…. ???? idk

Shadow went and fucked up the timeline and took over as the new king of Mobius… so he married Sally. Luckily they didn’t take it as far as to have children but damn is Shadow a mess in his intentions throughout this comic series. Sonic and Co. somehow regain control of timeline and everyone is happy again and there’s new freedom fighters... Oh fyi Shadow also reunites with Maria kind of… he sees her in a computer program along with his creator… so that’s nice

9. the antis

…..there’s a anti sonic dimension.. where everyone is a gothic-punk alter-ego….. and Anti Sonic turned green because of the master emerald for some reason and I think either Knuckles or Knuckles’ father game him that scar on his chest…. Anti Sonic names himself Scourge and was dating Fiona who was cheating on Sonic…. fucking look at Anti-Tails I cant with this I am deceased…..

his gang likes to jump dimensions and Zonic the Zonecop didn’t like that.

8. Zonic the Zone cop

Zonic the Zonecop…. works under Zobotnik….. they’re basically cops who monitor all Sonic dimensions and take in prisoners who leave their dimensions or threaten to destroy dimensions/zones… Zonic always has to hunt down Scourge and other trouble makers and lock them up…. so anyone who dreamed of Sonic in power ranger gear well congrats your dream has come true….

7. Bean is fucking related to Jet from Sonic Riders apparently?????

So remember Jet the Hawk from Sonic Riders… well somehow he might be related to Bean or something???… and Bean calls him “ jettison Q. Hawkington….” don’t know why but I find that funny

6. Eggman fucking snaps

Eggman FUCKING SNAPS OK LIKE HOLY SHIT.. like out of no where he destroys Sonic’s entire city, beats the shit out of him, captures his family and friends, and then tries to turn Charmy bee into a robot but instead gives him brain damage…. Sonic kinda snaps too and would almost consider severely harming or killing Eggman… luckily Sally’s robotic A.I. Nicole had built them all a new city out of nanites … but this whole plot was…. out of every possible plot I could see in a Sonic franchise, having such a grave one thrown at me out of no where was the biggest fuckign surprise 7 year old me has ever seen ok holy fuck

5. Amy’s situation and her cousin Rob’O who is a king..?????

Amy used to be like… 8 years old or some shit then she wished upon a magic ring that made her body grow older by like 4 years or something so she could be part of the freedom fighters and potentially date sonic or something… so Amy is way younger mentally than she looks…

She has a cousin named Rob’O who married some echidna lady and they had a son named Jon… apparently Amy’s uncle was a king and Rob’O is next in line to the throne so Amy is somehow technically royalty ?????????????????? slkfjdk????

4. Charmy bee is a fucking prince and has a girlfriend

oh Charmy Bee is also a fucking prince who has a girlfriend named Saffron… no idea who came up with this plot or why

3. Sally’s weird love life

Sally has a weird love life too, she is princess of Mobius despite her brother and his wife and child being next in line for the throne…..??? She ended up dating this secret service agent Geoffrey the Skunk who had a wife named Hershey the cat who I guess maybe got killed during a mission or something… Geoffrey got into some weird corrupted scandals with villains too I don’t recall his allegiance but Sally was smart for dumping his ass.

She also has some weird ass thing going on with this embodiment of the monkey king………??????

and then she had this arranged marriage thrown together by her father to marry the royal guard Antoine who was actually anti-Antoine from the anti dimension who imprisoned the real Antoine….. Antione I guess finally escapes and then ends up marrying Bunnie instead?????? who the hell are these writers and where did they come from

Sally and Sonic end up together in the end and Sonic becomes king of Mobius and they have kids and all so happy ending for her I guess…. besides that one timeline where she had to marry Shadow…

2. SNIVELY’S...LOVE LIFE...

Um…. Snively is …. Eggman’s nephew…. and something happens to Eggman and Snively somehow ends up dating this one techno-magic chick named Regina the Iron Queen.. she tries to take over Nicole’s nanites… I have no idea who the fuck is writing the romance in this series but I’d like them to sign all my comics

1.THE WAR

apparently the sonic mobians had this massive war against “Overlanders” basically somewhat de-evolved humans due to a mutation experiment / bombs that aliens called Xorda bombarded onto pre-Mobius aka Earth. So more or less Eggman and Snively and any other humans are basically the endangered human species trying to regain control over their planet through xenophobic / racist ideals against the evolved animal species that is the Mobians and Sonic……………………….. I’m not fucking joking

LAWSUITS AND THE WEIRD REBOOT

So apparently Sonic Archie comics went into this huge timeline-dimensional reboot because one of the former writers Ken Penders has thrown multiple lawsuits into Archie comic’s hands and this shit has been going on since 2009 until even now…

Some weird things going on in the reboots:

there’s this lady named Breezie who is … in love with Neo Metal Sonic……I think she’s based off a side character from the old show………and I really think that’s all I should tell you as you can probably see how she was first introduced…

Honey the cheetah… a concept from an old Sonic game I guess returned????

No romance at this point…….

they gave Sally clothes for some reason…

But basically Ken Penders, a previously major archie sonic comic writer, was the creator of multiple if not all of the echidnas involved in the sonic comic storyline. So Finitevus, Julie-su, basically the entire Echidna brother hood, Knuckles’ younger brother, Charmy’s girlfriend Saffron, Mina Mongoose, Mammoth Mogul, and even Amy’s cousin Rob’O are now required to be out of the story. Ken wanted to use the sonic characters he made for his own original graphic novel but Archie wanted to maintain copyright on his characters and concepts… I mean most writers and artists are aware that the things they produce for a licensed company are usually OWNED by that company, so its weird he’d even attempt something like that. Archie claimed Penders signed a contract as evidence for it but failed to produce the contract so the lawsuit settled in 2013. Because of this, Sonic Archie comic and it’s spin off series of Sonic Universe had to completely rewrite their stories to get his characters out of the picture, or straight up just redesigned the characters… he’s also recently claimed in 2015 he’s got another law suit in mind…??? He’s actually ‘inspired’ Scott Fulop to also file lawsuits after he left archie comics too.

Here’s a chart someone made for Ken Pender’s logic in some of his lawsuit filings which you can obviously tell is quite a mess:

honorable mentions

I mean there’s a shit ton of stuff I’ve missed or haven’t even mentioned about this shit…..

thanks for stopping by and letting me explain the horrific treasure that is the sonic comic series because whAT thE FUCK

my god I love the sonic comics

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sonic comics #sonic archie comics #what the fuck #there i posted it #my post #the best #long post

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