#ditched or the person seems bored.. there's no point lmai.

[hyperexplosion]

.

#vent again just ignore please and thank you. chewing at my arm. ik why we have to wait till next year for me to get help i do know why and #i understand but it also just sucks. its at least helping though no matter what i just gotta hold on but i rly dont want to hold on anymore #id say i sound pathetic or worthless but im not. ik im not. talked about mental health with my best friend today snd idk made me so self #aware of myself i feel gross and ugly. i cant even look in mirror by how ugly i am. i want to drink. i really want to drink. it sucks. #ditched or the person seems bored.. there's no point lmai. #the craving sucks. im sleepin almost all day and than night fucking sucks. i should be sleeping now but i need to write my thoughts out or #i will feel worse i will feel so much worse snd i dont want to be a burden. i dont want to bother people. i hope when im like.. getting hel #and getting better i hope i can like idk not be afraid to ask people to vibe with me. maybe one day but im so scared amount i have been #and sorry tired of hearing same 'just do something distract yourself' yeah only so much a distraction is s distraction. i never felt this #low.. i never felt this low for months now. im so tired idk this week is busy maybe that will help. maybe decorating for my fav holiday wil #help my brain a little. than again why would she want me around. i think about how dad asked mom if i was okay on my birthday. is the facad #fading? are people catching on? i need to stop before i see my brother on friday. even my best friend noticed he hugged me but i didnt even #hug back i just leaned into him for awhile before moving away. i want to die. will i? no. i wont. im too scared. but i want to. #i can sleep now. #i think people should stop lying i hate liars i am not afraid to drop anyone that does.