#disabled and my workplace environment fucking sucks and I spent 15 years of my life basically being completely unaware of just how high my

[corset]

Really feeling that experience of being an autistic person in an environment that's terrible for me where I'm basically trying to figure out really hard how to not be an emotionally unstable wreck all the time who throws "childish tantrums" over "dumb shit" because I hate feeling like my family always expects me to just snap whenever anything happens and whether or not I do just depends on how much Repression Juice I've got left in the tank or how Unshitty the circumstances have been for the last week or even few days

#I am literally doing the best that I can for myself but there's a lot of stuff that I communicate actively to other people in this household #that never gets better or that just gets scoffed at and my environment is horrific because we're very poor and everyone in this house is #disabled and my workplace environment fucking sucks and I spent 15 years of my life basically being completely unaware of just how high my #supports needs actually are and so I'm also trying to mentally juggle and figure that shit out so I can at least make an attempt to take #care of myself the way I need to but when so many things are basically looking at you trying to cope and laughing in your face and then #punting you down from the mountain you're climbing with a bat and basically saying 'how cute and stupid of you to think you could possibly #make progress or take care of yourself? don't you understand your circumstances dipshit?' #IT'S KIND OF PAINFULLY DIFFICULT HAHA. #I basically deal with this by holing myself up all the time just trying to keep my bullshit away from people #I'm very sick of it #Like even when I try to have a conversation when I'm getting really upset or angry about something #one person in this house is impossible to talk to at all because she's argumentative as hell about literally everything and anything #including stuff you didn't even say. Like I have no idea what she's even saying to me half the time and she almost never listens #the other one is my aunt who is so emotionally repressed she can't even have a conversation with a whiff of vulnerability in it #and then my mother just shuts down and ignores me ! Which Makes It Worse!