#definitely doesn’t designate mental fortitude or morality or anything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hearsaykrp · 4 years

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Presenting — han jinil as the hawk.

— info.

name / han jinil birthday / 890419 pronouns / he/him occupation / detective

— traits.

( dishonest, selfish, ambitious, insightful )

Dishonesty comes in the form of the obvious ㅡ lies. It takes a man with a good memory to keep on top of them successfully. He began with subtleties in childhood to avoid his mother’s sweltering words. “Yes, mother” meant nothing. Accepting bribes to sneak into the teacher’s desk for test answers, then placing the blame on someone else. The “I love you"s to his wife are reflexive, disingenuous; particularly when he hurriedly hangs up the phone because he has “work to do”. Work is going all-in with the last of their savings. No, he doesn’t have a problem. He likes the way the bar’s music deafens him the same way he likes you in that green dress. That’s why he stays so long.

Selfish is what his ex-wife calls him over the phone when he claims he’s too busy with a case to come to see their daughter. The next excuse is he’s too tired, it’s a bad time. The truths he tells are selfish. He blames it entirely on his father ㅡ the man who taught him living for oneself is the only way to find true happiness. Perhaps he does not become a cop simply because he’s selfless, but because he believes in the pursuit of justice ( and of self-serving praise ).

The Ilmyo police chief calls the fresh-faced detective ambitious for his gusto. He makes an obvious show of himself and his passion for the case. Whether to the integrity of a good man and the will to solve a murder or for his own name is a matter of opinion. Regardless, he pushes the envelope. If he haunts the station well past midnight, they’re bound to notice his dedication. Some could say he’s a workaholic, in over his head, too willing to step in mud to get what he needs. Jinil prefers the word ambitious.

Being insightful comes with the job. He claims to be a natural at it, that he can read you like an open book and tell you exactly what you’re thinking. He sees the weeds peeking up from the cracks in the pavement others fail to miss, circling like a hawk to carve out the details. He keeps most perceptions to himself, inside the journal he’ll never admit to keeping or mumbled against the tape recorder he keeps closer than his gun. The twitch in that woman’s smile is conniving, and he catches onto the way the cashier scratches his nose far too often. The more he sees, the more he realizes everything can be dissected.

— about.

triggers: implied child abuse

This bird of prey begins life as a scavenger.

One must start at the bottom to make it at the top of the food chain.

Swoop down into a cramped family home in the heart of Seoul. Far from wealthy, far from poor. The neighbors would describe their financial situation as painfully middle class.

Hwang Boyoung is a beautician, meticulous, abrasive, and overattentive to details. She comes first and foremost, even to her three children. Han Junsu could care less. The only thing that draws the silent man to speak is money. Both arrive home late to their three expectant offspring. The words they exchange are set to kill, loud enough for their children to catch wind of and absorb all of their parents’ marital problems. They do not know the definition of a healthy relationship.

Their second-born, Jinil, did much to catch their gazes to no avail. An instant victim of middle child syndrome.

The attention he craves is not always rewarding. Not when he returns home from playing soccer with his friends in the rain. Mud and grass stuck to the scrapes on knobby knees and clothes one size too big. His mother scrubs his skin raw for bringing filth into her house. The aftermath resembles the grotesque burn photos in his forensic science books. And yet he feels pride in grabbing time away from his spoilt younger sister.

–

He brushes off the occasional “slip-ups” in his youth. To keep his record as clean as a whistle ㅡ even if it means doing something dishonest every once in a while. The good performance leads to parents and teachers start to turn an eye in his direction.

The next step is to get military service out of the way early, high school diploma still fresh in his palm. The praise he receives on his return is immeasurable. What an upstanding young man. So eager to serve his country before pursuing his dreams.

It makes his transition into the police academy easy. They’re impressed with his mental fortitude and physical condition. Exactly what he wants them to think he is through and through. One does not make it into the top of the class without his determination.

Graduation comes just as fast as the rest of his life begins to change. It’s a train that runs into his chest at full throttle.

There are blurs of a celebratory party, full of alcohol and pretty girls he doesn’t bother asking the names of ㅡ not until one gives him a call a few weeks later. Were they keeping in touch this whole time? He can’t remember off the top of his head. Her voice shakes over the phone and she tells him she’s pregnant. He doesn’t panic; even when her brother and father all but threaten to ‘make him regret it’ if he failed to be a man and take a step up to take care of his actions.

Mistake is a better way of putting it.

“Yes, sir. I’ll take responsibility.” Not a lie, and yet not the truth. He decides to take it all in stride, instead.

He marries the girl to escape from his own strife, not because he genuinely loved her. Perhaps, at some point, he did love her. Maybe when he saw her with his newborn daughter cradled in her arms and she took on the appearance of someone else. Not theirs, but his.

He only lives inside the illusion of an ideal life.

–

His own marriage begins to mirror his parents. He watches the remaining pieces crumble away in his palm and makes no effort to salvage it.

You’re away too much. You never want to talk anymore. Don’t you care about our family? When will you be home? I miss you.

Berating questions soon twist into the demands of a divorce.

Without a moment of hesitation, he agrees it’s best.

During the process, he starts to frequent illegal gambling bars. Something which used to only be ‘on occasion’ in the past. Every night turned out the same. Have a few drinks, feeling lucky, squandering winnings in hope of getting even more… then nothing. The hole forming in his wallet caves in on itself and sooner or later, and his ex expects her share for raising his daughter. He tells the guys running the show (the illegal show) he’ll pay them back once the hearings are over. He promises. Just one last free drink and he’ll be good on his word.

But the debt builds and, with time, becomes interest.

He grabs at anything he can get. Money is like a drug. More addictive and seductive than the nicotine he breathes through his lungs to temporarily calm his fraying nerves.

In a moment of weakness, the rookie detective makes eyes at the police chief’s pretty young wife. She smiles back at him because she knows he can offer what a middle-aged alcoholic cannot. The designer shoes that click against the floor on her way across the hall tell him those things are only physical. She has no use for a divorcee so far in the hole he can hardly peek out of it.

The city crushes him under its pressure not too long after he starts regaining his confidence.

His life threatens to rip at the seams. Debt, too many secrets he doesn’t want to keep, and one disastrous case stuff themselves taut under his belt. A city many a wayward soul flocks to fulfill their dreams is one he can no longer live in with ease. He’s more desperate to escape than ever.

–

Ilmyo is the dull beacon of a second chance. It’s a small town ㅡ where yellow lights still mean slow down, not go faster. No one knows his face or name there. A fresh start Instead of a failure, he becomes a detective from the big city there to add an extra man to the ongoing case and the two long since left in the past. Having a hand in solving any of the three would make or break him.

“They found them dead, bodies floating up off the river like a couple of dead fish.” It wasn’t unlike the morticians to joke. The detective plays along and laughs in some sorry way. How else were they to stay sane?

“It’s a real shame. I heard they were engaged. But… maybe they’re better off.” Jinil takes a painfully long inhale of his cigarette. “Marriage never ends in happiness.”

He pauses for what seems like a full minute, taking in the photos and files laid out on the small police station’s corkboard. He figures, by now, they could afford something more modern. It’s cluttered with images of death and the smiles on pieces of 8 x 11 stock paper, faded from the dysfunctional printer collecting dust in the corner.

He questions his own morals ㅡ or lack thereof. The other cops have sullen expressions painted over their faces. It’s likely this many homicide cases never graced their tables for decades. Could they blame a man from a city homicide department for acting so jaded?

“Don’t everyone look so upset. We’ll find the murderer.” Not because the detective feels sorry for them or their loved ones. He isn’t quite sure if that sort of man exists inside him anymore.

#hrs hawk #hrs seo inguk #hrs accepted

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