#damn Pythia slayed it though | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roxy206 · 2 years

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Hello bonjour yes it’s time for me to remind everyone what a Synthia Kiss stan I am

Sinners Ball let’s go — allons y

I love seeing Synthia slay a lip sync but can she not be in the bottom two this week please

*abstract art*

Pythia’s self portrait though

Oh alright Synthia this disassociation painting

If you aren’t watching Canada’s Drag Race season 2 you are sleeping on a great season

Weird yo

Loving going through everyone’s identities

Oh alright Gia uses they/them

THIS LOOK BROOKE LYNN jaw dropping

Synthia’s lewk!!!

Pythia’s second look is giving Katya crochet

Kimora damn - this commentary

Gia’s sin look wow

ICESIS DAMN

“She owns 51% of this pussy” ahahahaha

I really think the CDR judges are great, but it’s a bit frustrating that last week Brad critiqued Kendall for NOT showing off her padding & this week is saying it’s a lot of body suits

“I’m too fucking pretty for this” <333333

Ah fuck I think Synthia might be bottom two again - I think it’s Synthia & Adriana

If Synthia *is* in the bottom two I hope she didn’t just talk herself down into blowing it :(

I AM SORRY - SYNTHIA’S STYLE IS GREAT

The anxietyyyyyyyyyyy

Icesis not being able to talk lol

Shit shit shit shit

Alright Synthia let’s turn this out another week girl

Oh noooooooooo it’s Synthia vs Kendall I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS SO EARLY IN THE SEASON

I might need to go do a nervous lap around the house before I watch this lip sync

THAT WAS RUDE TO CUT TO GIA WATCHING THE LIP SYNC WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME I ALREADY WANTED TO CRY

If there was ever a week for a double shantay

No no no nope no no no nope no

Crying & looking up flights to Toronto for January because now I really need to see this tour

If they don’t do that thing where they bring back a contestant later on in the season & if it isn’t Synthia ......

If she doesn’t get brought back later to make top two she’s got Miss Congeniality in the bag

I’m so fucking sad

#Kimmy watches #canada’s drag race #synthia kiss #Em & I accidentally manifested this #she’s still my CDR s2 girl

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ponyvsthebottle · 7 years

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Being an account of the founding of the city of Thebes, because everybody already knows about how the city of Rome came within an ace of being called Reme but that’s neither here nor there

SO Europa was just minding her own fucking business making daisy chains when she sees the most beautiful bull in the world. It was white, which I guess was the signal for beautiful back in old-timey Greece. She decided to put a daisy chain on the bull, as one does, and caress its flanks, as one does, and ride on it, whereupon the bull plunged headlong into the ocean and that was the last anybody local saw of Europa. This seems like a cautionary tale for fucking around with cattle, but this is mostly context for what I’m about to tell you, which is the founding of the city of Thebes.

Her brother, Cadmus, reacts to this like a reasonable person would, i.e. he says “well we gotta find her.” So he quests the hell all over the place, and finally visits the Oracle of Apollo at Delphi. There, he probably made whatever gifts a prince makes to an oracle, and the holy men muttered to each other, and the pythia either spoke for herself, or made wild noises because she was in a room with not enough oxygen for a normal person and the holy men interpreted those wild noises (these are the two leading beliefs on how the oracle operated). In any event, the intelligence that our boy Cadmus received from this little episode was this: you’re gonna step outside, and you’re going to see the most beautiful cow in the world, and you’re going to follow that cow. IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE A HOT IDEA TO ME GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF HIS SISTER’S DISAPPEARANCE but out he steps and there’s a real good-looking cow walking by.

So he and his boys (Cadmus brought all his boys along for this operation) get to stepping, and eventually the cow stops, and Cadmus is like well! Nothing for it boys, let’s slit this open, save all the good parts for ourselves, and burn the offal to honor Athena. This is the sort of thing you did with animules in the olden times, you see. This is all thanks to Prometheus, but that’s another story. In any event, you need some water if you’re going to have a fire, so his boys go down to the river to get some water. Cadmus hangs out next to the corpse of the beautiful cow for a while, and eventually gets to wondering what is taking these fools so long. Down goes he to the river and OH SHIT there’s a monstrous snake and it has killed every man Jack of his friends. Thinking quickly, Cadmus slays the shit out of that snake, a plan of action that hadn’t occurred to his contemporaries I suppose. It is thus, standing red-handed and red-legged in this charnel house astride the corpse of a monstrous wyrm, that Athena comes upon him.

Cadmus does not miss a beat, but is like oh hey I was just about to burn for you the parts of the cow that touch the poop and Athena’s like alright that’s super and I appreciate that, but I can’t help but notice that your idiot friends are all dead. Cadmus is like yeah this is real inconvenient frankly and sheds a manly Greek tear, and Athena comforts him as only a woman can, i.e. she tells him to break the teeth out of the snake’s mouth and plant half of them as though they were seeds. Cadmus executes this mission from god(dess), and THUS DO THE SPARTOI MAKE THE SCENE. The Spartoi are blokes much like you or I, insofar as they were fully grown, armored as for war, and they sprung fully-formed from the Grecian soil. Cadmus looks at this field of new friends (standing amidst the bodies of his old friends), and decides that this is just too damn many friends for him. How would you solve this problem? Cadmus cast a rock into their midst.

Who cast that rock in my midst! cries one of the Spartoi, sorely wrothed.

Probably that fucker there! cries Cadmus, from a safe distance.

Not seeing to whom Cadmus pointed and being unable to accurately discern the true identity of the rock-casting asshole, the Spartoi did the next best thing, which was they started to murder each other. And so, over the increasingly trampled bodies of his previous friends, and the freshly trampled carcass of the snake, Cadmus’ new friends fell one after the other, until there were five of them left.

Cadmus entered their midst and said LO I am here to tell you that you should stop fucking killing each other and help me build a city, here. We’re going to call the city “Thebes”! And you’re going to call me, “the King of Thebes”. These men, who have not even been alive for an hour and have already slain a brace of men apiece, look at this unarmored nerd who looks like he could cast a rock pretty amidst, and agree that this plan seems pretty solid. So, it seems like everything’s going to work out after all! I mean, who knows where Europa is, but he’s got some new violent friends, and they’re going to have a great city, and everything’s going to come up Cadmus, right?

JUST THEN Ares, the little-known and less-loved god of cyberbullying arrives. People will be like “oh Ares was the god of war” and I’m here to tell you that in pretty much every myth he shows up in, he is humiliated. He loves picking on weak people, and he thinks he’s great, and if you hit him he cries. He’s a loser, but despite this he’s also a god.

WHAT JAGOFF KILLED MY SON, says Ares.

It was probably that monster that so lately terrorized this area, sayeth Cadmus, but no fear old man I made hamburger helper out of it! But uh did you say son? I didn’t know you had a son in the area.

MY SON WAS A GIANT FUCKOFF SNAKE explained Ares WHOSE MONSTROUS APPETITES FORMED AN END FOR MAN AND BEAST ALIKE.

Hmm, said Cadmus.

IF I SHOULD FIND THE WRETCH WHO DID THIS THING continued Ares, I WOULD ACCEPT NOTHING LESS THAN TO REDUCE HIM TO MY SLAVE, TO EXACT A PENALTY IN YEARS EQUAL TO THAT WHICH HE HAS ROBBED ME OF BY THE SLAYING OF MY SON

I Need To Go, said Cadmus.

Well some more things were said and after some time the truth of the matter came out, and while the city of Thebes was born, Cadmus was serving hard time as the whipping boy for the shitty frat boy of the /pan/theon. After eight years had passed, there was some divine intervention, things were said, and somehow Cadmus was released back to Thebes, and also he got to marry Ares’ daughter, Harmonia, so that seemed nice. Harmonia’s mother was Aphrodite, who was technically married to Haephaestus, so this was probably not viewed as a super classy move in the pantheon. Perhaps it is for this reason (it is canonically for this reason) why the wedding gift Haephaestus gave was a necklace noted for being EXTREMELY CURSED. But that’s neither here nor there.

“What about Europa?” you’re saying. You didn’t forget all about her like Cadmus did! You’re a woke bae for sure. Well, I’ll tell you. The beautiful bull bore her to another shore, then spoke to her and alleged that he was the king of all the gods. See this island we’re on? It’s your island now. Crete! Crete is your island, Europa, and you are the queen of Crete. There was PROBABLY some sex that went down, because as a rule if you as a young lady run into a talking animal in Greece that claims to be Zeus, there was some dick stuff in your future. You might be like “say, did you say Crete? And a bull… is this the origin of the minotaur?” Well, no, but Europa’s son was King Minos, and it was he who fucked up so badly that his wife ALSO got involved with a bull of divine origin but that is a different story altogether.

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