#daily gender & sexuality affirmation for Pogue. why not?

[dhampiravidi]

❛ i think i'm caught between who i am and who i want to be ❜ (Pogue to Jayn)

She knew he'd seen the picture Cass had texted her. It was their celeb crush--the lead singer of a band the girls liked. He was about thirty, with soft, chin-length hair, piercings, and a gorgeous collage of tattoos decorating his toned body. But Cass hadn't sent Jayn the picture to discuss those lovely physical features. No, she'd sent it so they could giggle about the guy's eyeliner. Black eyeliner, glasses, and button-downs with the sleeves rolled up were just a few of the things that always made hot guys look even hotter.

Anyway, Jayn had been sitting on the bed, practically cackling as she texted Cass. In the meantime, Pogue was using the bathroom. She hadn't heard the toilet flush, what with how distracted she was. So she didn't know that Pogue was behind her until he cleared his throat.

"Who's he?" Crap. Between she, Pogue, Cass, and Caleb, Pogue was always the most likely to get jealous. His temperament probably stemmed from how he'd grown up, with a dad who randomly blew up over fairly small issues, and a mom who never really told her son that she loved him. Oh, and his longtime girlfriend (now ex), Kate, had repeatedly cheated on him. In other words, he was affection-starved, and when he didn't get what he needed, or he thought his partner(s) was planning to leave him, he got really upset.

"Oh, him? He's just a guy from a band that me and Cass like," Jayn quickly explained, scrambling to face Pogue, "She wanted me to see what the eyeliner does for him." Not a complete lie.

"Huh..." He plopped down next to her, glancing over at the picture. "You really like that stuff, don't you? Eyeliner's the only makeup I see you with." Jayn was surprised that he hadn't huffed or started an interrogation.

"Yeah. I mean, I guess. I mess mine up a lot, but if you're already doing it thin, it doesn't matter."

"..show me. Please?" he asked in a whisper. She blinked.

"I'm wearing some right now."

"I meant, on me." He was gritting his teeth, then biting his lip, then looking away, as if he enjoyed studying the floor. In other words, Pogue was trying very hard not to cry. "I-'m always...think I'm caught between who I am, a-and who I wanna be..."

"Sweetheart. Look at me...please?" Just getting him to understand that keeping his hair long had been a bit of a struggle. Jayn knew how many years it'd taken Pogue to admit he loved Caleb and actually openly date him, much less move out of his parents' house (he had the money, he'd just always feared what they would do when he left planning to enter a polycule with his boyfriend).

She carefully rested her hand on his cheek, and let him turn to face her when he was ready. Gods, seeing those beautiful hazel eyes burdened with tears would never stop hurting her. He swallowed down a sob, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

"Jay--"

"We can take it off if you don't like how it looks." She softly pecked him on the lips. "You know I already think you're hot, right?" He smiled a little.

"Yeah, babygirl. You tell me all the time." Jayn pulled him into a fierce hug, only pulling away when his breathing had steadied. Then she grabbed a bag of M&Ms from her drawer and tossed it onto his lap, giggling at how eagerly he opened it.

"I'll be right back." She went to her bathroom and got her eyeliner pencil, a damp (warm) washcloth, and a soft dry cloth, then returned to where Pogue was looking intently at the picture on her phone. Hehe, he's got a crush too. "Hey. We can do this two ways: you turn to face me, or you lie down and I straddle you. Whatever's--" He'd already flopped onto his back, arms wide and face silly. "Oh my gosh," Jayn mumbled, "What am I going to do with you?...Alright, but you gotta stay still until I'm done." He nodded.

She sat on his hips, then leaned down. He immediately grabbed her boobs, because Pogue was a little shit. "Hi," he said, flashing a cocky grin. He only let go when she tried to get back up. "OK, OK." He moved his hands to her hips, so he could keep her steady. Once she knew he wasn't going to squirm, Jayn gently touched under his eye with her free hand.

"It'll feel weird while I'm drawing, because I have to touch your bottom eyelid..." Somehow he managed to stay perfectly still while she applied the black liner, and she managed to do it without messing up on either eye. "Oh, shit."

"What?"

"C'mere!" Jayn tossed everything to the side, took Pogue's hand, and led him into the bathroom, in front of the big mirror. His eyes widened as soon as he saw himself. He blinked experimentally, like he was trying his face out for the first time. And then, slowly but surely, he smiled. He grabbed Jayn, spinning her around as she screeched. Then he carried her back to bed, kissing her passionately. When she was dazed, he took pictures of both of them, sending them to Cass and Caleb via their group chat.

"You were right: hot guys look hotter with eyeliner," Pogue said mischievously. "Now c'mon, we're gonna be late."

#jkw: thread #in--noctem #in--somnium #daily gender & sexuality affirmation for Pogue. why not? #eyeliner #thanks for the ask!