#criminal that i can't have him

[pxelbunny]

Goro Takemura

#i want him so bad whyyyy #criminal that i can't have him #goro takemura #cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk 2077 edit

[lunarharp]

hehe. almost christmas!

#ace attorney tag #narumitsu #partial nudity / #2nd and 3rd things inspired by playing the first game and Uhh... why is phoenix accusing men of being lovers and being certain of it #and just generally containing the core of bisexuality within him #also there's that part i recall in maybe the..3rd game? where he's like Wow.. I'd Fall For Him Too... about that cinnamon swirl looking man #learnt lately that the writers upon learning that ace attorney was very popular with BL people immediately started reading BL #to understand the genre. i think phoenix would also do such Research in college. to Learn About People. About The World. #so now he feels that he has gaydar and is a good Ally etc. But actually maybe...you're also just bi too ! #too bad you'll have to get kissed by a criminal to work that out! Hang in there <3 #i reread my fic today !! I'm in the christmas mood now ! Sort of ! ooooh the 7 year gap.. at least we are in the 7 year gap years irl #Somewhere out there they ARE drinking wine romantically gazing at snow on a balcony in germany. thank GOD for that fr #so i shall be drawing things from THAT era next i need to depict men finally kissing NOW !!!!!! #can't do it with orufrey..can't draw cute happy romantic wintry art of them..didn't finish processing my current divorcecore arc era cycle

[snarkylinda]

Day 12229 of me begging for someone on that godforsaken building to accept his invitations.

#i mean not this one in particular since JJ was busy being kidnapped #so she was kind of busy #but THE OTHER ONES #criminal minds #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #i am on my knees and hands begging for someone to actually do #or for Reid to make theatre kids friends #but that would give him an purpose in life that ain't chasing serial killers and suffering it's consequences on his declining psyche #and we can't have that

[cerise-on-top]

Hii you know how you wrote about reader getting hurt because of their job please could you write that with graves or nikolai x

Hey! Sure I can!

Graves’ and Nikolai’s S/O Gets Hurt Because of Their job

Graves: On the outside he may seem calm and collected, but on the inside he’d be seething with rage. However, he won’t show you how angry he actually is, keeping it all to himself instead. He needs to be the big, strong man in your relationship, so he needs to keep his cool in front of you, no matter what. I don’t think he’d be too surprised you’d have gotten hurt, though. While he may have hoped it would never happen, that was just wishful thinking. You’ll either be on Shadow Company’s medbay or in the best hospital he can find nearby. Either way, you’ll be well taken care of. If you’re at Shadow Company, then he’ll station some of his most competent and trusted people to take care of you for the time being. You will be protected by them, and you will get whatever it is you may need from them as well. Or anything you may want, really. No cost is too high for Graves while you’re in recovery. While he may try to make time for you as well, he really does, he will also have someone track down whoever hurt you. This person will then be abducted to Shadow Company for a rough time. Graves himself would take care of them, and he can be pretty effective when he wants to be. However, if you’ve recovered by then, and are among the more vengeful people, then you’re more than welcome to do as you please with the bastard yourself, Graves has no qualms about that. In fact, he’d welcome you doing what you need to do. An eye for an eye. I think he’d become a bit more protective of you afterwards. If you’re okay with it, then he’ll leave you in the hands of some of his Shadows since he can’t always be there for you. If it was up to him, he’d combine you with his work and have you just live on base with him so he could always keep an eye on you, but you likely wouldn’t agree to that. It may seem a bit overbearing, but he will reach out to you more often and does expect you to respond within a few hours, or else he’ll get worried and send someone to check up on you, even if you’re alright.

Nikolai: While Graves may be furious, Nikolai is entirely calm about all of this. Yes, you got hurt, but seeing him panic would likely only worsen the state you’re in. He is well aware of the fact that you will pull through, he made sure of that himself. However, he won’t do anything drastic until you’ve recovered completely. That way your perpetrator has enough time to kill themself before he has to take action. Naturally, you mean the world to him, so any violence against you will not be excused. Nikolai runs a PMC, so he knows what he’s doing, he knows how to deal with violence. Violence for violence is the rule of the beasts and Nikolai’s cruelty is akin to that of a starved animal. However, that can wait until you’re alright again. He’ll visit you every day, even stay at the hospital, and bring you gifts, tell you stories and keep you company otherwise. But he won’t mention the plans he has for the sorry fuck who hurt you, those are for him to know and for you to never find out. Once you’re home again, going about your day, he will seek out the bastard himself and drag him to some place in Siberia. As mentioned before, Nikolai can be cruel when he wants to be, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he let that person run aimlessly around Siberia for a few days, hunted down by him and his people, only to capture and torture them later. Death is a kind of mercy that is not for them, though, so he’ll keep them alive for the time being. They almost took you from him, there’s nothing they could ever do to make up for that. They’ll be a new chewing toy for Chimera until they die for one reason or another. Nikolai won’t get too overprotective, but he will be keeping a closer eye on you. He won’t station one of his people in front of your home when he’s away, but he will try to make more time for you. Calls become more frequent and he will try to find some excuses to spend more time with you, even if it’s just by video chatting with you when you have the time. He won’t freak out, but he won’t forget about that incident either.

#cod #cod x reader #phillip graves #phillip graves x reader #cod nikolai #cod nikolai x reader #I was thinking about wanting a request for Graves again not too long ago so this came at an ideal time #they're both very powerful people who are also war criminals and not afraid of breaking every law in existence #so yeah they'll have their fun with whoever hurt you #thinking about an angry Nikolai scares me so bad actually. he'd be so calm and quiet and that's just the most terrifying thing to me #if you're in an especially bad condition then I think Graves would become more strict with his Shadows #he knows he shouldn't be like that at work but he can't help it since he's just that worried about you #he's usually a fun and caring boss but he'd become very different when you get hurt #of course he'll go back to normal once everything is alright again but you being hurt would hit the Shadows pretty hard as well #I like to think he does talk about you to his Shadows so they definitely know who you are #and just by hearing about you most of them would like you as well. especially because Graves loves you this much and they like him a lot #so I think a lot of Shadows would also grow protective over you and I think that's so very sweet #I always liked to think that the people at Shadow Company were very close with each other #especially because Graves is a good boss and makes sure the work climate there is ideal. despite the war crimes #Graves is actually a pretty fly guy in my eyes. he's just cocky but he does worry a lot about his Shadows and you deep down #he loves his Shadows and he loves you too

[shannonsketches]

Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

#silly hours #I do not understand this writing it's so bad aklsdlkasjd #Toei wants Goku to be Clark Kent SO bad and he SO isn't lmao #they're so good and dumb and rounded and complex in the manga what is the anime so afraid of #Toriyama said 'no no this man is a detached faux-immortal who has a dear pure heart but he's childlike and selfish even though he's kind' #and toei went 'got it goku's never done anything wrong ever in his life' #toriyama said 'Vegeta's gone through a lot and he's finally settling into his more mature leadership role with the confidence he's earned' #and toei said 'got it vegeta has the confidence of a high school bully except now he can interact with his family as a comedy bit' #girl hWHAT #Toei trying to group Goku and Vegeta as two people who would rather train than be with their families and Toriyama said NO Vegeta wants #to be HOME this is the first time in years that he's HAD ONE and it makes him HAPPY to be with his wife and children!! #Vegeta trains so that he can protect the things he doesn't want to lose again and Goku trains because it's the thing that makes him happies #They are NOT the same lmao And yeah Vegeta still wants to beat Goku but he also knows that Gohan could dogwalk both of them if he wanted #He also knows Trunks and Goten are going to surpass them it's not about being the best anymore he's past that he just wants to Not Need Gok #He just doesn't want to have to rely on Goku to save the day he wants to be Enough on his own he just wants to know he can be #because every time it's mattered he WASN'T and people he loved were lost to his inability to protect them and he carries that #Like Whis diagnosed him with anxiety and cptsd out in the open and Beerus said he was self-centered for feeling guilt #+ he lowkey enjoys the rivalry it keeps him goal-oriented so he can't get complacent and lazy which is what triggered his Buu Saga breakdow #realized how Fucked Up it was that having a home and loving family made him feel like he was failing and went 'wait no I won actually??' #now he's chill as fuck in the manga. cool confident leader. #and sometimes he is childish and dumb with Goku as a treat #you know what rocks about his rivalry with Goku in Super though is that it's Playful. Vegeta is learning how to Play. #You ever seen a shelter dog get introduced to a really playful dog and it takes a minute for the shelter dog to understand it's safe here #And then they're both running around the backyard playing hot potato with one braincell?? That's Goku and Vegeta's relationship #and the way the anime sleeps on that dynamic is so fucking criminal especially when it's literally canon it's in print it's out there #you had the playbook how'd you fumble it this bad #anyway that's my 25+ year blorbo thoughts I love Geets a lot okay #And I love Goku in the manga a lot I'd forgotten that he's actually a great character when Toei's not fucking up his whole vibe

[bouneilly]

Why not post this ryuzaki doodle here as well !

#death note #ryuzaki death note #my art #adult swim became available on my tv a few weeks ago and guess what!!!! #I am now a biiiiiiit obsessed with death note #just a itty bit 🤏💦 #I've always loved investigative series like criminal minds and csi so that's not surprising at all #though. I already have a pile of stuff I can't stop thinking about so. #ghhhhg yeah. #btw my favorite character till now is Ryuk <33 #I plan on drawing him soon but his design is quite intimidating to me… #but we'll see how it goes!!!!! ← we as in me and myself

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

I really need to stay humble lol

Me: I DON'T get the Dream x reader crowd I mean you do you, I'm obsessed with him but in a I Want To Study Him way. I don't get it. I mean he's such an emotional disaster, big divorced dad energy. Like what's attractive about a walking red flag -

Also me, a known dumbass, sees them:

Me omg hiiiiii <3333 #steponme2k24

#desire #the sandman #they could probably eat my heart and i'd thank them #I mean I don't think a lot of the dream x reader ppl objectify him in character #at least according to those who have looked #but that's another thing and also their business like I have no real beef with them unless they do incorrect tag spam. Live your bliss #Morpheus thirst girlies?? I can't act like I'm any better than y'all and I salute you. I get it even if I don't get it #we're all in this dumpster together #I am gay and stupid when it comes to hot fictional ppl okay #my biggest beef with y'all is being jealous because there's more than there used to be don't get me wrong #but there is CRIMINALLY little content for the Desire simps okay. So much less than there should be it feels wrong

[ipreferfiction]

man the only fan spaces i will ever be in these days are the ones full of people with fucked up nasty reprehensible ships and fondness for the worst characters EVER. everywhere else is a god damn minefield but those bitches? yeah baby this is the freak zone and we are all freaks here

#joining the war on immoral fictional content on the side of the immoral fictional content #all the negative qualifiers are said with FULL affection and respect btw #standard modern fanspace (full of antis): nooo you can't ship them they're LITERALLY SIBLINGS (they are not related biologically. or at all #average day in my groupchat: the sickos meme at all times #but like.... seriously especially in popular series? i literally only trust the villain fans #the actual villain fans not the ones who make him (it's always a him) innocent of everything #no! give him back his atrocities! they're enrichment! and also they're hot!!! #tumblr users will joke about their faves being war criminals and then actively ignore the actual crimes they do in favor of woobifying them #i have so many fandoms this could apply to but i'd like to make a special shoutout to the antis in the asoiaf fandom. like???? #this is for freaks ONLY go away #discourse tag #ac says things #oh in case my position was not abundantly clear #proship

[bumblingbabooshka]

 🗣🚨 YAOI ALERT 🚨🗣 [TEXT: Neelix took a seat next to Tuvok. He hoped the Vulcan would make some comment about his story, but a long silence ensued. Neelix found himself feeling unaccountably nervous, reading into Tuvok's silence a general disapproval - and yet, what could he expect? From the moment they first met, Tuvok had been aloof and judgmental. Nonetheless, his opinion mattered to Neelix, and so, inwardly chastising himself for doing so, he turned to the somber man. "So, Mr. Vulcan...what did you think of my story?" Another silence. Neelix felt himself begin to perspire. Why wasn't Tuvok answering him? Had he embarrassed himself that fully? He felt his heart beating in his chest. "I know I've done some awful things in my life," he stammered, "but I've tried to make up for them. I hope you won't hold what I've told you against me..." He trailed off lamely, his words sounding hollow. Tuvok turned slowly to look at him, his dark visage glistening in the heat of the setting sun. His eyes seemed to pierce Neelix's brain. He stared like that for a full moment before he spoke. "I found it an exceptional story. You have complexities, and courage, I would never have imagined." Neelix couldn't believe what he was hearing - Tuvok was actually complimenting him! He felt a little shiver of pleasure, but he couldn't for the life of him think of anything to say in return...] Source: Pathfinders by Jeri Taylor

#Tuvok/Neelix #WHAT WAS THE MOMENT FULL OF. HUH? #NEELIX'S CRUSH ON TUVOK IS SO REAL #Tuvok: Ugh Neelix. #Neelix: -tells a story about how he used to be a criminal and has had a lot of angst and heartbreak in his life- #Tuvok: Wo w......-twirling hair- I didn't know you like...had complexity. You're like such a tortured soul ..... #Neelix: ('I didn't imagine you had complexities or courage' flying over his head) O mmmghmygod #I know Tuvok is just saying 'I didn't imagine you would have had a past like that given how cheerful you are now' #like those 'we all have the homies whose jovial nature can't quite hide their aura of sadness' posts #But I think his phrasing is funny - especially bc the author is using commas to mimic how he pauses in his speech #Also him just straight up not responding to Neelix is funny. DUDE. C'MOOOON. <3 #CAN WE TALK ABOUT NEELIX'S HARDCORE CRUSH ON TUVOK??? THAT DESCRIPTION??? #I'm so sorry there is NO straight and friendly explanation for 'his dark visage glistening...his eyes seemed to pierce [my] mind...' #SHIVERING IN PLEASURE???? NEELIX. #Novel Experiences #Neelix is so hopelessly in love with Tuvok he is sustaining himself on CRUMBS #If Tuvok gave Neelix a pencil Neelix would treasure it forever - HELP HIM. #they are so highschool despite being in their (nebulous middle age?) and (hundreds) #Tuvix #Tuvok #Neelix #I love how there's not really even a straight excuse reason for why Neelix likes Tuvok IN PARTICULAR so much #Almost as if- #voy

[schnaf]

Parallel Contents | 🕵️‍♂️The Accomplice

#xdinary heroes #gaon #kwak jiseok #aaaah i liked these vids!! #the criminal dude was so fun and i felt like they all really liked him #also i just looked up something and i'm really glad that phrases like making eyes at someone and giving someone the eye exist in english to #because.... gaon might not have been as flirty as gunil but the eye thing is what he did here #'🥺don't you want to tell these beautiful eyes the truth?' #also kwakoh's confidence.... jungsu being like 'beautiful hands? can't be me' and these two dudes were like 'hm yeah sounds like me' #(especially ode is right when it comes to his beautiful hands ugh. but the way he was like 'beautiful eyes? yeah why not'.... BOI)

[nosferatufaggot]

In the universe in which Bruce Wayne and Joker are in a public relationship and are a power couple, I gots some thoughts.

So, Bruce visits Joker in Arkham or whatever. Like brings him flowers or something, I dunno. And someone says something about how they cannot BELIEVE billionaire Bruce Wayne would spend his time with someone who is mentally unstable enough to be in Arkham. Well, said someone's buisness suddenly fails when for some unbeknownst reason, Wayne Enterprises stop financially supporting said buisness.

Some time later, Joker and Bruce are at a gala. Bruce Wayne expierences autism 100 moment and someone goes ableism about it. Just a passing comment. And then after the rich socialite party, maybe two nights after, Joker doesn't kill them, but he sure does psychological torture.

#If you cannot tell by how I wrote this‚ my brain is fried. #It took all my strength not to call Joker 'the Jonker' and I'm proud I didn't. #I do not know WHY I've been thinking about Batjokes so much but I have. #And WHY CAN'T I FIND FICS LIKE THIS? I don't want Batman and Joker smooching!!!! No no no! #What I want is infamous criminal Joker and billionaire with social status Bruce Wayne gay married! #And the press won't leave them alone about it! The news is always telling stories. It's great for Bruce Wayne's cover! #All the headlines think Bruce Wayne is secretly some villain because how else is he gay married to Joker?????? #Cuz he. Heem. Him. He's Batman. #And everytime Alfred forces Bruce to go to a gala and network‚ Joker is his date. And all the billionaires are scared out of their brains. #How is everyone so hyped up on the freak nature of Batman and Joker going at it freak style and not THIS? #I get the appeal‚ but this has layers of intriguing in another aspect that I feel isn't explored enough. #AND THERE ARE TOO MANY FANFICTIONS FOR ME TO SORT THROUGH TO FIND SOMETHING LIKE THIS! #And think about it! If Joker lives with Bruce Wayne‚ and everyone knows where Bruce Wayne lives‚ and Joker does some joking... #And Batman goes to handle the situation‚ it would make a REALLY good excuse if anyone notices Batman going into the Wayne residence. #Batman can be like 'Oh no. I'm not here after a long day of crime fighting cuz I live here!!! I'm here to interrogate Joker!' #And then everyone smiles and nods. #autistic Bruce Wayne #Sentiments of a vampire. #batjokes

[sskk-manifesto]

Atsushi's back in the game!!! ۶( ˆ o ˆ )

#And Kouyou!!!! #Also. I can say Steinbeck is kinda 👀👀👀 #King of the specific category of “I forget I like him until he's on screen” #I'm seriously unlocking memories with this rewatch. Like I haven't thought about it in two years– #but I just know when I was watching the anime for the first time I was being like #“Of COURSE the villains need to spend several minutes each episode explaining in detail how their own superpowers work so that the– #protagonists can get a perfect idea of how to best counter them. Why are villains made so freaking stupid in this show” aljhvwslchvqliyqwb #But. Eh. I guess that's just bsd to you. #Alsoooooo random thought of the day: I don't really favour how Tanizaki's ability was adapted in the anime. #I very well understand they were going for this green Matrix-like illusion effect‚ but every time someone says “... Snow?” #I'm like please explain where do you live that has snow glowing green. #Aamsjgvfaskjhfv sorry this is me being very. Cranky and nitpicky and having terrible audience etiquette in refusing to– #engage in suspension of disbelief. It just bugs me akvakcvqkyb I just feel like... Green is such a non-snow color– #that quite of completely disrupts the Light Snow / Sasame Yuki aesthetic. I would have liked it much better light blue or simply white. #What else. The way the Guild just goes on at stereotypes still troubles me a lot. The “usamericans can't be touched by laws– #because they use money to corrupt anyone” “foreign criminal organization come in our country to corrupt our pure and untouched soil” #Idk. Maybe all of it is true. Can it still be deemed a stereotype when it's objectively something that's happened before– #and will probably keep happening? #I suppose I'm just not a fan of the constant hostility against any foreigner. Idk. #This situation besides is extremely ironical. If you meet me irl it probably won't take long to see me being very outspoken about– #how much I despise usa cultural colonization of all other countries. It's something that really bothers me‚ how rooted and pervasive– #their influence is. So in a lot of ways I can relate to the author's sentiment #I just feel that. If you start treating them as stereotypes and ignore the complexity of a country and the wide spectrum of causes– #that contribute to its attitude in international relations. You end up practicing precisely what you're trying to criticize. #Okay this is the last time I'm getting into the politics of the Guild arc lol #random rambles #This time I took watching the episode slow I feel a little late

[boxwinebaddie]

i'm sorry but everyone actually has to know that if ravesey ever get married in a formal ceremony ( which, oh my god, is this real??? hello ) ravenstan totally got up on stage and crimson dawn dropped the Hardest punk rock cover of kiss me by sixpence none the other...Ever

#nina speaks #listen i know that went crazy #and it was cute lmao #crimson dawn taking y2k chick flick romcom songs and punk rockifying them and freaking them is so iconic to me #i bet you stan leaned down and kissed kyle on the hand and winked and kyle rolled his eyes literally blushing lmaooooooo #also pls note ravenstan did in fact kiss him under the milky twilight and lead him out on the moon lit floor <333 #they did also cover style by taylor swift i'm afriad #also sorry i might be posting a lot bc i feel criminally insane tonight #all the candid footage taken of jersey is him getting rizzed #and then flipping off the camera #also the jewish mexican fusion went crazy stupid jersey said his vows in spanish and ravenstan said his in hebrew ;-; <3 #and marjorine cried like a baby...kenny...also cried #don't look @ me i can't think abt my kids gettin hitched #the box wine & stanley marsh smolders were free flowing btw #not for raven he was having a mocktail i love u baby :* #jersey tho? he was veeeery drunk lol #it was at starks pond and a lovely autumn evening #like jersey talked about in his letter to stan for his bday #and the stars were all out at night for the reception #literally because crimson dawn were tearing it up #i refuse to believe stan didn't sing at his own wedding #he totally ate and left no crumbs bitch #hot shit bad boy behavior

[adamshallperish]

i don't really think about critical role a lot anymore because idk i'm just disconnected with where they are as a Brand now vs the way they used to be but can i just say. caleb widogast is one of the most interesting things to have ever come out of that show and i will never forgive shadowgast shippers for the way y'all characterized him in fanon.

#i don't have anything against shadowgast in principle y'all are just very annoying <3 #literally it was like 'here's this character who has to deal with the outcomes of abuse and personal responsibility in instigating evil' #and every week people were like ONLY ESSEK CAN FIX HIM HOT BOI WAR CRIMINAL HUSBANDSSS #and because it's a live dnd show and people can't be normal everyone was getting mad at liam for trying to complete a character arc #anyway caleb i love you forever and ever and ever thank you for the dark times we traveled through together #cr #caleb widogast #mine

[dbphantom]

I can only dream of seeing a fraction of the discourse that happens on OP tumblr

#Maybe when punk records goes global #Seriously tho imagine all the Strawhat Luffy callout posts #'can't believe Luffy would become an emperor I thought he hated the WG like the rest of us #| please say sike' #'friendly reminder that u can support the revolutionaries without supporting M*nk*y D. L*ffy 🥰' #'Strawhat released thousands of bloodthirsty criminals from prison. If u support him u support their crimes. Fleet members dni 😒' #'he brought Jimbe a previous member of the sun pirates into his crew. U KNOW WHO ELSE WAS AN EX-MEMBER OF THE SUN PIRATES? #| AND LETS NOT FORGET JIMBE WAS A WARLORD. CROCODILE AND DOFLAMINGO WERE ALSO PART OF THAT SYSTEM #|| you guys are seriously saying Strawhat Luffy- the guy who declared war on the world government- supports the warlord system? #||| they're literally pirates who then aligned with the WG. Remember Kuma?? If Strawhat wanted he totally could #|||| they killed his brother????????????? #||||| also Jimbe left + got arrested when they decided to KILL ROGER'S SON #|||||| Roger's son is Luffy's brother? Great so he's also the son of the guy who caused all of these pirates? #||||||| holy shit dude.' #'see a lot of str*wh*t support on this site but they're also pirates. how many of you have been hurt by pirates? they're all scum #it's super hypocritical to support them and condemn the rest. ur either for pirates or against them you literally can't pick and choose. #marines should reblog this. pirates and pirate supporters DNI' #'alright guys I've done a lot of thinking and this is why I'm finally renouncing the Strawhat pirates... [readmore] #SIKE LOL EAT SHIT I LOVE THESE CRIMINALS AND THEIR WANTON VIOLENCE FUCK THE WORLD GOVERNMENT LONG LIVE THE FUTURE KING!!!!!!!' #cruddy rambles #I'm just having fun lol #Wait I could make one of those 'tumblr in the [blank] world' posts but for OP... I totally should XD

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Cluemaster: Hey, bro, I know I never call...

Kiteman: You did drunk call me that one time.

Cluemaster: I already said I was sorry for spreading around that you were in love with your kite and calling you to brag about it. As you said I was hella drunk and angry your weird ass podcast somehow now has the same level of fans as my old gameshow. Who the fuck cares that much about kites? Or C list vilany?

Kiteman: Did you just call to remind me why I hate you?

Cluemaster: Of course not, Chucky boy, your my favorite lil bro.

Kiteman: Arthur... I'm your only brother.

Cluemaster: Yeah? You're still my favorite.

Kiteman: Okay. Fine. What do you want?

Cluemaster: You're good with kids right?

Kiteman: Oh do you want me to babysit little Steph? I haven't see her since she was a baby! That'll be soo much fun!

Cluemaster: Oh, no, no. She is too old for a babysitter. I kindda called 'cause I need your advice.

Kiteman: Sure. Go on.

Cluemaster: How would you stop a prank war between your teen daugther and your bussiness partner that happens to be living at your house?

Kiteman: Woah. Define prank war?

Cluemaster: Like they just being annoying with each other... like non-stop Shrek music and painting one of her walls green?

Kiteman: Are you working with a child, Artie?

Cluemaster: No. Childrem are not really good at puzzle robberies.

Kiteman: So who the hell is in a prank war with your fourteen year old daugther? Is it that Polka Dot weirdo?

Cluemaster: ... Riddler.

Kiteman: Be honest, Arthur.

Cluemaster: I am!

Kiteman: Why the fuck would he work with you? Didn't he like was brought on to one of your trials and tried to sue you for being a copycat?

Cluemaster: No idea. I don't really remember all my trials.

Kiteman: Fair. Still isn't he like an actual treat? Like Batman actually tries to be always involved in his crimes instead of just sending a Robin or a cop kindda treat? Or hangs out with Cooblepot and Harley Quinn and fucking Catwoman and even Scarecrow and Joker kindda treat?

Cluemaster: Yes, so what?

Kiteman: He is waaay above your league. How the fuck do you got him to work with you?

Cluemaster: He is working for me because he recognizes my genius.

Kiteman: *sarcasm* Yeah, sure. At least it explains why I've been hearing that your plans don't totally suck anymore.

Cluemaster: Will you help me or not?

Kiteman: Anything for little Steph. But seriusly bro, the guy is a mentally instable killer, he is real Arkham loonie, A-lister and all this shit are you sure is safe to have him living with you? Specially if he and Stephanie are fighting!? She is just a kid! What if this prank war thing escalates and next thing she is in saw type death trap or something?

Cluemaster: Well than help me not to! I can't just kick him out, do you know how much I've been proffiting later?

Kiteman: And also he is an instable killer that used to hate you and wouldn't react well to being kicked out?

Cluemaster: Yeah, this too. Look I think you're overestimating the guy. He is smart and all and he can take a punch but I could take him out real easy in a one on one. He screamed like a little girl when he found a roach in the kitchem. I think I'll be fine.

Kiteman: Sure, you do you.... Maybe.... you could just.... help them find something they have in common? A TV show they like or something. It used yo work with us. They will bond over the thing and forget they hate each other for a bit.

Cluemaster: See was it that hard to help me?

*Chuck hangs up*

[Three months later]

Cluemaster: Chuck! I need help!

Kiteman: Can you call in another time? I'm bowlling with the guys, Calendar Man and Condiment King cannot win a second time, one weird rap about their love conquering all was ENOUGHT.

Cluemaster: Is about the whole prank war between Nygma and Stephanie thing.

Kiteman: Oh. So I guess my advice didn't work.

Cluemaster: No, no, it did. It worked way to well actually.

Kiteman: *worried* That sounds bad.

Cluemaster: Yeah... it happened that the thing they had in common was that they really hate me.

#this might be the start of a brown family au #because i have a lot of feelings about them #for me kiteman is actually a pretty chill down to earth guy besides the whole kite crimes thing #and instead of the tragic backstory were his kid died in the dumbest riddler plan ever #he just always wanted to have a family but he is too akward and has some nd coding and didn't had the chance yet #so he wants to bond with steph because she is his niece and all #but he and arthur don't have a good or stable relationship and he haven't been there for steph and she doesn't even know about him #so he is just afraid of talking to her #he and arthur started fighting because their parents divorced when they were 13/15 and they stayed with different parents #also while i preffer charlie a lot Cluemaster is a B Lister here while Kiteman is a C/D Lister #Kiteman is friends with all Gotham C-listers with the exception of Polka Dot Man because they just don't hang in the same places #they have some misinformation about each other and think the other is a freak but they would be pals if they meet #cluemaster hangs with b listers and non gothamite c listers #chuck actually got relieved after the last bit cause he imagine grooming or steph becaming a killer or smt real bad #he actually likes Riddler a bit after that because sibbling rivalry and because he is starting to realize Arthur is a shitty dad #Eddie did try to sue Arthur in Arthur's first trial #he was called to testimony why Arthur shouldn't go to Arkham and it was when he discovered that you can't copyright a criminal mo #it was also his first time on trial cause some rogues are considered unfit to stand trial and he is one of them #riddler #edward nygma #stephanie brown #arthur brown #cluemaster #kiteman #chuck brown #cheatday is @sillymanwithocs ship I'm just borowing it