#consistent self-alignment with woman bc these are all just terms

[m0tel6mxzzy]

femcels vs being a woman who is single

ngl i think there’s a difference between “femcels” and being a woman who just genuinely knows based on past experience it is in your best interest not to be in a relationship atm, but also feeling bad you’re single and referring to yourself as some sort of group label to cope. and there is nothing wrong w being single. esp if you have been in a toxic relationship before, and now start to value who you are as an individual w/o that person. there are benefits to being single bc you don’t want to rush into relationships, make the same mistakes as in a previous one, or just prefer spending time by yourself.

and when i say femcel i genuinely mean the unhealthy parts that link itself to incels despite the stark contrasts—the thing is femcels are usually attracted to ppl providing them toxic or unstable romantic relationships because they have this want to be wanted, and may or may not be aware that this is self destructive to do to yourself, and that you are much better off learning slowly how to cope with being single and that a relationship is not worth it if there’s an unhealthy power dynamic and/or your partner does not respect you.

i’m not talking abt the ones who use the term “femcel” unironically bc they’re making jokes abt being single (it’s often socially unacceptable for women to be) i mean the ones who share patterns of miscommunication in relationships and defining their entire life based on who they date/want to date and responding negatively to having to process their emotions, often blunting them, and seriously consider themselves “femcels.”

and it is so hard to leave a toxic relationship if you are convinced you cannot leave because “no one will love you like they do,” whether the person you’re dating plants it in your head or the relationship is so codependent that you genuinely feel that way. or if it is a crush where despite not at all communicating your feelings for this person, you are doing everything to dress and act in a way to get them to like you romantically when the only way to know is telling them how you feel and facing possible rejection. especially if they themselves know the relationship risks their professional integrity (ex: that crush is a professor/boss/co-worker.)

but you have to remember that you were an individual before this person and will be after. and the common theme here is often refusing to process your emotions and finding distractions from them consistently (a relationship can be one of the most all-consuming forms of that) when at some point you do need to acknowledge that feeling what you feel is not a bad thing, nor does it make you an immoral or shameful person. but you do have to try to take control of how you treat yourself. are you being kind to yourself? letting yourself feel what you’re feeling without demonizing yourself for it?

and incels tend to be sexist toward women and self defeatist, femcels are self defeatist and take their fear of rejection and vulnerability in relationships out on themselves. and that’s kinda why i don’t think femcel = female incel, incels have it in their heads women are inferior gold diggers when that’s mostly just a product of their own insecurity that attacks women instead of the system at large making it so they feel inferior for not being able to afford those flashy things they align with social status.

femcels are usually women with mental issues affecting their relationships who do not know how to cope w that, and a lot bc of society planting it in their heads that they need to be in a relationship to be worthy of value (ppl treat u differently when you’re dating someone.) it’s predominantly based on how society treats “deviant” women too—mental illness is seen as making you “glamorously” sad, which may make you feel better than being outright stigmatized for having it, however you’re still being treated like on object that does not exist over have very much agency outside of how others perceive you.

in a culture where you are called “weak” and “over sensitive” for expressing how you feel, it does make sense to try to shut your emotions out, especially at any sign of rejection or a relationship being something you need to leave. but you need to listen to how you are feeling and not shame yourself for that to begin the process of valuing yourself as an individual and know your thoughts and feelings do matter and you are worthy of boundaries and saying “no” to situations that drag you down mentally.

#relationships #and my knowledge is based both on tumblr and reddit #mazzy makes a giant ramble #mxzzy.txt

[finelinegynandromorph]

a gentle reminder that using woman-coded terms for h (like girlfriend, woman, mommy, she/her, etc.) does *not* erase his queerness! a soft reminder that gay non-binary people exist! a friendly reminder that queer people can use all sorts of terms and labels and ways of referring to their own unique experiences! a further reminder that affirming harry’s consistent expression of his affinity/connection/alignment with womanhood and femininity does not take away from his queerness in any way!!

i’m literally non-binary and i didn’t grow up with access to a lot of queer terminology or representation of different ways of being queer so this is genuinely not coming from a place of malice at all but rather an earnest suggestion that you listen to varied trans perspectives and not outright dismiss something because it doesn’t align with your personal experience of queerness. as h said himself: “what’s feminine and what’s masculine...it’s like there are no lines anymore.” [and an obligatory reminder that no one is in good faith suggesting harry is non-binary solely bc of the way he dresses but rather his overall consistent messaging about his experience of fluidity and identity && this is obviously not me defending ppl who take alignment w femininity or aspects of personality to mean that a queer person needs to occupy a certain rigid sexual role or vice versa]

#less specific to h but many binary trans ppl identify as straight after coming out but may have spent years in gay communities and maintain #a powerful connection to those communities #everyone's free to interpret music and art in their own way #just please be kind to others and reflect on why you might such a visceral reaction to the idea that h could see himself as a woman #(which doesn't negate him viewing himself as a man too!) #also a reminder that h is viewed by the world largely as a man and as such using woman-coded terms for him can be an affirming move to show #respect and appreciation for a part of himself that isn't largely acknowledged at all #pls know that trans person referring to h and l as gf and bf does not erase their queerness but rather is a playful recognition of h's #consistent self-alignment with woman bc these are all just terms #there's no one right way to be queer and i think it's in bad faith to shit on largely trans fans for expressing affirmation and connection w #h and his feminine-coded qualities that don't often get the recognition they deserve compared to his manhood and relation to masculinity #(which have been played up for marketing since he was 16) #and the ways that that dynamic is inherently intertwined w sociocultural misogyny #not targeted at anyone specific just a friendly reminder at the end of the day h is a worldfamous popstar who quite likely wont see your #comments but gay nb friends who might be struggling to figure out their identities could and they could be really damaging #strict labels and boxes are like the antithesis of being queer #like even if you personally don't feel fluid remember to leave space for expansive fluidity in others!! #reminders