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playing a very dangerous game by scratching an itch in the corner of my eye after forgetting which hand+fingers i used to eat salt&vinegar chips with but moments before

#clichenuance text #i was incredibly strategic about my application of Fixing The Itch so i can't tell if i won or not #close enough i suppose. live to see another day and all that.

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tips and recommendations after top surgery i have amassed so far:

- take your toilet paper off of its hanger, or have the patience to pull its tail to you and break it in both hands, because trying to yank it one-handed isn't going to happen

- take the ibuprofen and tylenol on time. the amount of difference it makes is Astounding

- opening and closing windows isn't going to happen. the same goes for thick sliding doors, unless you use your hips/core to pull instead of your chest/arms. plan accordingly and take stuff like this slow.

- drink more water than you think you're thirsty for; your body is going to be so focused on being sleepy it's going to have a hard time focusing on fueling.

- don't deny yourself the hours-long naps that you're going to feel creeping in on you, sleep and rest when and however you can, even if it's just sitting still with your eyes shut, or watching tv/stuff that doesn't require thinking

- brain fog is going to be your closest companion for a while; look into things like protein/meal replacement drinks and easy snacks to help bolster what food you'll be willing to eat

- if you're going to be sitting up, get pillows to put under your elbows/forearms. the weight of letting your arms hang free by your sides is surprisingly taxing

- if you can stand to do it, stretch your lower back with bending at the waist as often as you can remember, and use a pillow for lumbar support while you recline to sleep

- to open pill bottles, rely on pressing the butt of the bottle against the counter and using one hand on the cap to get it unlocked, instead of trying to hold and twist it open with both hands. chest aint gonna like that

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #the saga continues #talking mostly to myself but hey-ho #maybe somebody will find this helpful some time #trans #top surgery

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cannot fucking imagine the inner turmoil that comes with being a conniving type of person hellbent on winning by way of throatcut & dishonorable means

#still regrettably watching this show and these folks honestly kind of #nah actually not kind of. just straight up repulse me #they are Not playing the same fucking game as the rest of everyone who came here for a survival competition #clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #ignore this digital journal entry #like honestly how the fuck y'all sleep soundly at night and without paranoia settling in #the answer that is unfolding is that you don't

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the first kiss of spring of 2023 came in the shape of 80 degrees

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #work in progress this cropped up into my brain while i melt today

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woe, covid be upon me

#not even angry just grieving atm bc at least doing that means i don't have time or room for panicking #clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text

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"i am too much of a thespian and too far into being autistic to be ruffled by that"

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #delighted by my own quotations #things that have been said today

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watching Drink Masters is such a fucking trip

#chomping at the bit makes me want to get back into my mixology fixation/InterestTM #makes me want to take those mixology/bartending courses that the college down the street from me offers #clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text

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embroidery needle through two layers of denim my beloathed

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #wrist owwie

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Underwater (2020): Sponsored by MoonPie & Cheetos

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #not that i'm complaining tbh

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saw a uranium glass statuette of a pretty lady in an antique store today

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text

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i finally have my ps4 back up and running after over a month of neglecting my room g-d bless

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #the small things

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smacked my titty in such quick succession because they’re starting to itch from healing that it made my free arm jolt like a startled fucking horse

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #top surgery #startled horse arm in turn startled me - didn't jerk hard enough to hurt but holy shit dude like calm down a bit would ya

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day 1 post-top-surgery: armpits and the sides of my ribs are a little achy, but nothing is bleeding/leaking and i would expect a long rib tattoo session to suck more than this. fairly convinced that this is more to do with the binder (which i wound up having to undo around my belly because I've just got Too Much Guts going on to be able to live like that) than any incisions.

did a lot more Dozing than any real Sleeping last night, but, i was resting, so in the words of an EMT, it's better than nothing. more ibuprofen and tylenol for today, the light opiate i was prescribed a whole whopping two (2) tablets for will be for when I'm trying to sleep again tonight.

be good to yourselves today kids. it's going to be interesting to figure out how not to stink from today onward.

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #top surgery #trans #captain's log

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A sort of review/overview of a single experience getting Top Surgery with Dr Todd Burdette, a week later:

- Went in wanting an inverted T/anchor style surgery, discussed with great respect and consideration how a double incision would work better & thus changed to that (was originally very anxious about graft survivability)

- Went over the wide array of patients he’d worked with before for compare-contrasts, was again super respectful and discussed this like a cooperative effort in what I wanted to achieve from this instead of insisting that the size and placement and flatness of things had to be XYZ* (*though do let it be known, I did have to tug on the reins in this part of the conversation, because while open and receptive, he did start off assuming a few things that I needed to correct re: size and shape)

- Gave multiple options for pain management meds post-op, was allowed to wait until pre-op (and probably would have even been allowed to wait until day-of) to make an informed decision

- Very bare bones approach to post-op care/not interested in pushing stuff that would cost the patient more with unnecessary fluff, but very clear about the expectations for post-op healing/’good behavior’

- Used all dissolvable stitches for incisions, relied solely on compression from post-op medical vest and gauze padding with no ill effect/no drains used

Cannot stress enough how much I wish there was more publicly available cataloguing of before-and-after photos for all practitioners, but even with that and the feeling that Dr Burdette definitely benefits from having a patient who’s thought out the logistics of what they want prior to consultation and isn’t afraid to say so, he’s a pretty swell guy and a clean cut too.

#clichenuance text #top surgery #transgender #todd burdette #new england #new hampshire #maine #massachusetts #those other neighboring states that i can't think of right now #vermont #tw medical #don't know who i'm writing this for besides the local trans facebook group but if you're reading this and it's tagged for you i hope it was- #-helpful

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(sternly, to self) you are going to look so fucking good in all of your hoodies and your cool denim jacket after you heal up and it finally starts to get <60F outside

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #self pep talk in the face of devilish heat and disgruntling discomfort of this damnable medical binder #top surgery

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day.. 6, post top surgery. everything between day 2 being rough and now has been tolerable, fine, acceptable. have washed my hair a pair of times, and taken a bath for everything below the waist the same amount. everything is an exhausting task that makes me want to nap for 3 hours, but that’s okay. but oh, friends. oh, today. today is the day of needing to isolate and hunker down and know what serves you best in calming your mind down, because this is a sensory fucking hell.

don’t know why. don’t know when. don’t know what. but, i am keenly fucking aware right now of every square inch of my skin, both regular and what’s being kept cooped up under this medical binder, and it is bad. to say that i Hate This does not even begin to represent the irritation nightmare that is going on right now.

granted! this very well may not happen with any of you. at all, in the entire process. i’m just very unfortunately autistic and very accustomed to showering for 30 minutes every single morning without fail. i think i’m going to have to chalk this up to ‘haven’t been awake enough to notice it until now’ and work very, very hard to not be mean to anyone who talks to me today, because they don’t deserve that.

#clichenuance talks to a wall #clichenuance text #top surgery #the saga continues #hell hell hell this is hell i want to take everything off and scrub but that's IllegalTM right now #hhhhhhhhhhhhh this is fine #coping skills coping skills i need to have some coping skiiiiills #FUN