#choo choo you hear that? it’s me driving the complain train

[prevsapphism]

An Extremely Detailed Guide to Writing A Character In DC

hey what’s up its ur gal queen morgaine comin atcha live with another Extremely Detailed Guide!

in the wake of shows like veep and house of cards, tons of political and adjacent characters have sprung up round the rpc, many of whom live in Our Nation’s Capital™. i’ve seen guides for how to write characters that live in nyc, la, san francisco and lots of other places, but not for how to write characters that live in dc. but Fear Not! i live here! i’ve been living here for well over five years! i can’t wait to leave!

so here is a LONG-- and i DO mean LONG-- list of Spicy DC Shibboleths you can use to make your character realistic, straight from the mouth of a grudging native. ready?

IF YOUR CHARACTER’S IN DC, THEY SHOULD....

 use the metro. the metrorail, called ‘the metro’ by locals, is our version of the t ( boston, ) the tube ( london ) or the subway ( nyc, ) and most locals rely on it to get from point a to point b. much like the other commuter systems listed above, most people use a plastic card, called a SMARTRIP CARD, to pay for fare, which is anywhere from $2 to $6 depending on the time of day. ( the metro charges more for ‘peak hours,’ which is the afternoon / rush hour time period between four and eight pm. ) the metro has numerous stops all throughout washington dc proper, maryland and virginia, and we usually refer to the lines on it by their colour ( eg red, yellow, green. ) unless your character is the queen of sheba and gets carried by servants or has Nerves of Steel and drives everywhere, they probably use the metro to get where they need to go. 

.....complain about the metro. this is a huge one. however much your character currently complains about the metro? it’s not enough. they need to complain more. for a system supposed to make travelling easier, the metro sure is awful at working consistently. the metro is a dumpster fire on wheels. and there is always some Bulled Shite going on with it, i promise you. your character’s train is late. your character’s train stopped for no reason on the way to a station. some drunk frat bros from au just got on and they’re being loud and drunk. it’s late and the trains are only running every twenty minutes. your character’s metro track might Literally catch fire. the train your character thought was their train dumped them out at a certain stop and now they have to wait fifteen minutes for another one. the metro SUCKS and we ALL hate it, but we’re STILL Beholden to get on it every Focking day to try to go to work or school because Deep In Our Heart of Hearts, we know that driving here is way worse. so yeah, we accept our fates to get on the HellRail9000 every day, but we’re gonna bitch about it the whole time.

probably not live in dc proper. ‘but queen morgaine, my character is a sexy rich 54-year-old illustrious powerlez politician! she has to have the Best Pad around for miles!!’ i hear ya ( also, is she single? ) but The Fact of The Matter Is, it’s really hard to find somewhere to live in dc proper for a multitude of reasons. for one thing, it’s WICKED expensive. ( though that also means, of course, if your character is loaded, don’t worry about this part. ) for another, dc has succumbed to a terrible gentrification problem, which means that more and more regions in the city are being forcibly transformed in order to make them ‘nicer’ for young up-and-comers, displacing longtime residents in the process. it’s Not Unheard Of for your character to live in dc proper, but it would be more realistic for them to live in its outskirts instead ; and people who live in surrounding areas all say they live in dc anyway. popular areas ( especially for politicians or other well-off characters ) include:

bethesda, maryland. the $8 Coffee Snob Epicentre of the dc metro area. LOTS of rich people here. expensive to live in. tons of Chic Fancy Restaurants, lots of cutesy expensive boutique shops ( like sugarfina, lululemon, anthropologie and sweetgreen ) lots of wealthy older ladies walking dogs in Athleisure. very expensive and prestigious private schools here too, like stone ridge and sidwell friends school, but also a few very large public ones, such as bethesda-chevy chase ( bcc. ) the national institute of health headquarters are also here. probably your top-tier best bet for a rich or otherwise Well-Off character. about fifteen minutes into dc proper via metro.

chevy chase, maryland. super nice, though a little on the Pricey side. people here tend to be more Modest about their money, so this area is pretty affluent, it’s not as hoity-toity as bethesda. awesome shopping-- right next to friendship heights in dc, which has lots of high-end stores like jimmy choo, bloomingdale’s, whole foods, etc. about five to ten minutes to friendship heights, fifteen to twenty minutes via metro into downtown dc. ( it’s also right next to the region with the same name in dc. ) 

kensington and garett park, maryland. i used to live here!! quiet and VERY cute. kensington has an adorable historic district down a hill, with a tea room and 'antique row,’ a block of vintage shops. east of bethesda, about ten minutes there by car. beautiful brightly-coloured victorian houses here. has a Small Town Feel and lots of kid-friendly Wholesome activities, so lots of older people and families with young kids live in these areas. huge beautiful art and music venue, strathmore, is here as well. about thirty-five to forty minutes into dc proper via metro. 

arlington, virginia.  i don’t go here very often so i can’t Vouch for it as hard but my dad used to work here so i’ll try. probably the most Work-Focused and Capital-G Government area outside dc. mid-tier expensive, but not a whole lot to do other than work or go to school from the Overwhelming Presence of federal buildings, colleges, and businesses here which makes it a less popular choice. big area, proximity to dc ranges depending on what part of arlington you’re in-- anywhere from five or ten minutes or half an hour away via metro.

alexandria, virginia. sort of like arlington, but prettier. i don’t go here much either, but it’s also a popular choice for those working in dc but wanting to stay in virginia. its Main Hangout, old town alexandria, sits right on the potomac waterfront, and supplies most of the area’s non-work activities. has lots of ~Small Town Charm~, cute bars and restaurants and a couple niche museums, like the apothecary musuem. lots of bakeries here as well. also mid-tier expensive. about forty minutes away from dc via metro.

if your character isn’t a rich politician or is otherwise just Dead-Set on living IN dc, here are some popular areas in the city itself, from most to least expensive. 

georgetown. EASILY the Most Elite, Absolute Ritziest and overall Top-Tier Prestigious neighbourhood in the district. means most of its denizens are wealthy snobs, and the cost of living here is astronomical-- if bethesda has $8 coffee, georgetown’s are $8.50, before tax. georgetown is very hilly, full of townhouses and paved with cobblestones, so your character will probably do a lot of walking and stair-climbing. it’s always busy, and even though the snobby people irritate me every time i go, the shops ( lush!! sephora!! dr. martens!! ) and 700 bakeries with adorable treats ( sprinkles cupcakes!! baked and wired!! ) keep me from staying away completely.

 jinx proof, a wicked good tattoo parlour, is here as well!!

downtown dc.  probably what you think of when you think of ‘washington dc,’ because most of what makes dc dc is down here, as you might imagine. has the capitol building, most of the museums, chinatown, the white house and ford’s theatre. SUPER expensive because of this. 

dupont circle. my personal favourite area of dc, just a few minutes down the block from downtown. lots of great food and shopping-- fantom comics, my favourite comic book store, beefsteak, a vegan restaurant are some of my Usual Haunts here. mid-tier expensive.

 it’s also a historic Gaybourhood: one of the earliest lgbt protest marches and the first real dyke march Ever was held here in 1993! capital pride is also hosted here every year. 

capitol hill. despite the name, not the austere, cutthroat Essence of DC Politics you’d probably think. pretty quiet, lots of row houses ( something dc is famous for, see the ‘bits and bobs’ section at the end here. ) lots of ~Indie~ businesses and coffee shops. was home to phase 1, the area’s oldest lesbian bar, till it closed in 2016 ( rip mama!!!! ) mid-to-lower-tier expensive. 

u street / cardozo. ah, U Street, my Other Home. great food here, like sugar shack donuts and ben’s chilli bowl. but u street’s Star Attraction is most of dc’s music scene, most notably All Flavours of rock ( esp punk, ) indie and alternative--i spent almost all of my teenage years Cavorting About till the wee hours of the morning on school nights at concerts, parties and diy shows on u street. mid-to-lower-tier expensive.

adams morgan. also an Artsy Hangout in dc. lots of restaurants and bars, lots of Weird Shops, has the adam’s morgan festival every year. home to a gay bar, pitcher’s, and dc’s newest lesbian bar, a league of her own! mid-to-lower tier expensive. 

georgia avenue / petworth. most of my friends who live in dc proper live here. not a Designated Gaybourhood but lots of gay people, there’s a lesbian party at a bar here every month. lots of animal shelters. good bar scene and ample public transport. right next to howard university, so quite student-heavy, but pretty quiet. lower-tier expensive.

takoma park. i also love it here. ~Technically~ just called takoma, but since it’s mixed with the super-close town in maryland, takoma park, locals tend to just. call it that. quiet and relaxed HippieTown, called ‘the berkeley of the east’ and ‘the people’s republic of takoma park’ with good reason-- lots of Greenie Boutique Places, lots of hybrid cars and ~Progressive~ ally lawn signs. adorable food co-op and tons of bookstores. pretty inexpensive.

none of these Jive with your character and you Really wanna get Spicy, they could could always live in baltimore and get the marc train ( another lightrail serving the dc, maryland and west virginia areas ) every day for a half-hour commute to dc. 

have Opinions about food. greater dc has a very strong restaurant and food scene, made easily accessible by the metro. there’s ALWAYS something cool to eat in dc anywhere you go, and we love telling people about it. 

said Food Opinions are often very divisive, and people argue their side with as much Fervour as those debating pineapple on pizza. for example, one thing people fight about here is mumbo sauce: ‘are you for or against,’ ‘what exactly is it and what do you put it on,’ etc. the one i get dragged into is ‘georgetown cupcake vs baked and wired.’ my dad’s staunchly pro-baked and wired and anti-georgetown cupcake, i love ‘em both, but every time we’re in georgetown we bicker.

never fall short of things to do. like i said, dc is ALWAYS bustling on any given day. sure, a lot of it’s expensive and very often alcohol-focused ( like nyc, we do a lot of wine and beer tastings, cocktail parties and galas ) or otherwise geared towards adults, but if you hop on the metro or a bus, you’re almost guaranteed to find something. see the ‘places of note’ bullet here for some ideas.

have gone to a museum at least once. the area surrounding the national mall and capitol building also has our museums, which are owned by the smithsonian institution. they’re the first place i reach for when i want something to do, and i’ve been going to them so frequently and for so long that james smithson is practically my third parent lol. they are free, which is what makes them so hugely popular, and the Big Three are the national museum of natural history, the national air and space museum, and the national gallery of art. everyone who comes to dc goes to at least one, even if they never go again, and if your character lives here, they’ll probably go to several. ( they also make great date spots, fyi. )

have Opinions about the national cherry blossom festival. dc has lots of cherry blossom trees along the tidal basin and potomac river, given to us as a token of friendship by japan in march of 1912. to celebrate, the national cherry blossom festival is held every spring from late march to early april when the trees are in peak bloom. it isn’t so much a Hard and Fast Festival but more of a fourteen-day period with various cherry blossom- and japanese-themed events, like kite-flying, marathons and sake-tasting with a Great Big Street Fair at the end. people flock to dc every spring just for the cherry blossoms, and most locals either love it, take five billion photos and celebrate with thematic cupcakes and cocktails, or Loudly hate it and call it an overhyped tourist trap ( while still sneaking their annual cherry blossom pic for facebook On The Sly. ) your character should probably be one or the other, i don’t know a lot of neutrals. 

probably not call it ‘washington dc.’ if your character does call it that, it should be a defining trait and / or signify that they’re new or visiting. no one here calls it that, we either call it just ‘dc’ or ‘the district.’ it’s not Sacrilege, like calling boston ‘beantown’ ( yuck ) or san francisco ‘frisco,’ more like calling nyc ‘the big apple’-- we just think you sound like a dweeb.

complain a LOT. however much your character is complaining, it’s not enough. they need to complain more. dc locals are ALWAYS complaining about something, in a way similar to a cranky new yorker. i’ve never known a dc local, especially an office worker, who wasn’t complaining every five seconds about one thing or another, and this is largely attributed to its wealthy, ambitious and politically-driven population-- most of us here are Important Individuals, or think we are ; so unfortunately lots of people look down upon those who are not also doing Important People Things.......and end up acting like entitled brats as a result. the metro, like i said, is the biggest one, but other topics of District Annoyance include--

the president’s motorcade. not super common, but takes forever and holds up traffic.

the beltway. the interstate 495, typically just called the beltway, is a highway that makes a loop around dc, as well as the surrounding areas of maryland and virginia. almost always road construction, an accident or traffic no matter what time of day it is and it’s just Generally Terrible. if your character is driving, they’ll probably complain about the beltway.

interns. dc has TONS of interns, especially in the spring and summer. most of them are between the ages of twenty-two to twenty-five, and they come here to work in government buildings or for specific senators and representatives. the most popular place to intern is capitol hill, so ‘interning on the hill’ is something your character will hear or say a lot. most locals don’t like them because they’re super arrogant about what they’re doing and can’t go five seconds without bringing it up.

DC’S STREET SYSTEM AND THE QUADRANTS. 

the city of dc is shaped like a broken diamond, and split into four sections, called quadrants: northeast, northwest, southeast and southwest, with the capitol building marking the middle. 

maryland borders the north half of the quadrant, generally, and virginia the south. 

dc streets run three ways: east-west, north-south, and diagonally, and the streets are named with numbers, letters ( excluding j, x, and z, ) states or a combination. 

lettered streets go east-west, numbered streets go north-south, and diagonal streets have state names.

the national mall runs west and east, respectively, away from the capitol so all the east-west letter streets run next to or parallel to them.

starting with the capitol, the first east-west streets north and south of the capitol are called a st, the second east-west streets north and south of the capitol are called b st, the third is c st, etc.

because there are two of the same number or letter street, you should include the quadrant if you’re mailing something or giving an address. like ‘555 k street nw, washington dc 42069.’

if that sounds confusing, it is. here’s a diagram that might help.

now that i’m done with specific traits, here are some Places of Note in dc you can set your threads in and your character can frequent!!

the smithsonian museums. i can’t make this list without putting my Beloved smithsonian museums first, sorry! they’re all wicked sick, but i’m particularly fond of the natural history museum ( which recently got new ocean and fossil halls i’ve been obsessed with, ) all of the art galleries ( we have five ) and the brand new african-american museum!

politics and prose and kramerbooks. politics and prose is a dc-based bookstore with its Main Store in chevy chase, but has locations in a couple other parts of dc. it also has smaller satellite stores that are part of busboys and poets, a combination restaurant and spoken-word venue. kramerbooks is a single independent bookstore in dupont circle. it’s open super late and has a cafe, called afterwords, on top!!

georgetown cupcake. like i said, it’s a cupcake bakery headquartered in georgetown, with a bethesda location as well! known for its Cute Ass Pink Boxes.

the wharf. waterfront entertainment district in southwest, popular with rich people. awesome music venue, the anthem, where i’ve seen florence + the machine and kt tunstall but it’s primarily fancy restaurants, high-end shopping and cocktail bars, including a milk bar.

baked and wired. like i said, georgetown cupcake’s rival. REALLY BIG cupcakes, which it calls ‘cakecups,’ with flavours like ‘uniporn and rainhoes’ and ‘chocolate doom.’

the black cat. goth / punk music venue and entertainment space on u street. i went to my first ever Capital-G Goth Event here shortly after i turned fourteen!! i love this place a lot and i hung out here all the time in high school. lots of great diy or less-mainstream artists play here, like waxahatchee, ex hex and daughter, and i go to their smiths vs the cure and depeche mode-themed parties every year.

the 9.30 club. the black cat’s cleaner and slightly hipper older sister, just a few blocks away on u street. i also love this place dearly and saw most of the concerts i’ve been to here, including haim, kate nash, new politics, the vaccines and sleigh bells. this is where most big indie and alternative bands play when they come to dc. there’s a coffee bar on the topmost area!!

the satellite room. 1960s-themed diner right behind the 9.30 club. open really late, awesome food especially vegan milkshakes and really cool arcade games in the back!! been here after many a concert In My Day.

nellie’s sports bar. gay sports bar across the street from the 9.30 club. great food and awesome drag brunch!! can be really crowded on weekend evenings though, so proceed with caution.

pitchers / a league of her own. gay bar and lesbian bar in the basement of said gay bar respectively in adams morgan. i’ve not been yet, but i’ve heard it’s fantastic!

strathmore. art and music venue in bethesda / kensington. has a mansion, for small concerts and a tea room, and a huge beautiful concert hall that seats over a thousand people for symphonic and other bigger concerts.

eastern market. craft fair in capitol hill that sells handmade goods, artisan food and fresh produce from may to october, roughly. great Wares, but hot and miserable unless you go early.

fantom comics. adorable comic book store in dupont circle. i’ve also been coming here for ages!! it has mainstream comics and indie ones, and it hosts events as well!

bits and bobs / miscellaneous info--

montgomery county in maryland, where i live, has a five-cent charge for plastic bags in grocery stores. it’s really annoying and your character will probably lie to the self-checkout machines when they buy stuff or complain about it to cashiers.

the grocery stores here are giant ( litcherally just stop and shop with a different name, ) safeway, and wegmans. we also have smaller region-specific ones like mom’s organic market, magruders and yes!

ocean city in maryland, virginia beach in, Well, Virginia, and rehoboth, dewey, lewes and bethany beaches, which are all in delaware, are where most locals go for summer vacations.

almost everyone who says they live in dc, doesn’t actually live in dc. they usually live in a surrounding area, like bethesda or silver spring, and say ‘dc’ for brevity’s sake.

you can’t buy alcohol at a grocery store in maryland, but you can in dc and virginia.  

sometimes metro stops will Randomly shut down for maintenance, which means that sometimes you have to get off at that stop and wait for a ‘shuttle’ ( aka a free bus ) to take you to the next one. it’s the worst thing ever.

most of the houses in dc proper are row houses, which more closely resemble nyc’s brownstones than row houses elsewhere. maryland and virginia tend to have more Real Live Houses, townhouses and apartments.

marylanders LOVE their state flag for some reason, and because so many of them live and work in dc, you’re bound to see it there too. the maryland flag is absolutely FUCK-UGLY and they plaster it on EVERYTHING. bumper stickers, keychains, phone cases, you name it, even board shorts and tank tops. 

those cameras on traffic lights that take pix of you when you speed? everywhere. you WILL end up with a ticket from one eventually.

we have three international airports, reagan international, dulles international and bwi. dulles and reagan are metro accessible, but bwi is in baltimore, so it’s not. 

so there you have it!! a Comprehensive List of DC Shibboleths from a dc local!! have fun, and feel free to tag me in or tell me about your headcanons you use this post for, i’d love to see them!!

#⚢ ♡ mondo mama brains!! ( ooc. ) #i worked rlly hard on this and if it flops im gna b pissed lmfao. #okay now tags for static - #halechief #caustis #political rp #house of cards rp #veep rp #political animals rp #rph #roleplay help #dearindies #thewelshbitchrph #washington dc #dc #dmv #maryland #virginia #dc rp