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sams-sass · 4 years

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It’s All Coming Back To Me Now

Hello! I hope you guys like this one! Thanks for all the love and support!

Summary: You are falling for Sam until Swan Song happens, but there is something you don't know.

Pairings: Sam x Reader

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The grass was soft under your knees. There was nothing inside you left to give. You were completely and utterly hollow. Dean was next to you, also on his knees. His face was bloody and swollen, cracked and beaten flesh. You reached down and touched the grass, letting the blades run between your fingertips. An angry and broken sob left your mouth. Your body collapsed upon itself until your head touched the grass that just swallowed him whole. Your fingers clenched into the earth, dirt and grass digging under your fingernails. You felt a hand on your back as heavy and loud sobs wrecked your body. You looked up to Dean’s face, unbeaten and normal again. Cas stood in front of you, his body whole again.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He said, his eyes holding so much sorrow and grief. You didn’t trust your voice so you just nodded and wrapped your arms around yourself. He walked over to Bobby and touched his forehead, bringing him back to life. You let out a small breath of relief. Dean’s hand was on you again, you could hardly feel it. You turned to face him and wrapped your arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder. His arms circled you and pulled you tightly against him, his body shaking just as much as yours. Normally, hugging Dean brought you a feeling of happiness, but not now. Not after you had just watched the love of your life get swallowed up by the earth itself. Not after you knew the fate of him. Rotting in the pits of hell for all eternity. Your sweet, loving, and selfless Sam. Gone. Forever gone. Now, Dean’s embrace felt cold and crushing. His familiar scent made your nose scrunch. The tickle of his spiked hair only reminded you of Sam’s soft locks. You shut your eyes and pushed it all down. Everything you couldn’t handle. Everything you never got the chance to say. You buried deep within your gut, letting it fester and ferment into something else.

You and Dean climbed into the impala, driving without a destination. The sound of the engine was making your skin crawl. The smooth leather seat was uncomfortable against your bones. The drive was quiet, too quiet. Neither one of you had spoken a word. There was nothing left to say. He was gone and so were you. Dean pulled into a motel and left you in the parking lot. You could feel his broken heart. See his cracked and mangled spirit hanging on by a thread. You paid for a room and threw your bag onto the floor. Your body sank into the lumpy mattress. You have no idea how long you stayed there, it felt like days, but you finally got up to shower. You couldn’t feel the warm water on your cold and aching flesh. The shampoo had no scent to you. Your body was caving into itself and there was nothing you could do to stop it. You laid down on the bed and stared into the abyss with unseeing eyes. Your chest was empty, you couldn’t hear your heartbeat. Couldn’t feel the warmth of the blanket. Couldn’t recognize the softness of your favorite socks. You felt yourself sinking deeper into the darkness. Your body was just a vessel now, there was nothing left inside you. You were a shell of the person you once were.

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Two years earlier

The rotting wood was pliable and loud under your boots. Your hands were wrapped around your gun as you stepped through the house. You rounded a corner and held out your gun, aiming with precision. The witch was fast, but you were faster. She screamed when you shot her, her body falling against the wall. You stepped on her chest and took aim straight at her heart. The shot was loud in your ears, ringing against your skull. You slipped the gun into the waistband of your jeans and dragged her body out into the field to be buried. You were halfway through the dig when you heard it. A loud and throaty engine approaching the house. You swore under your breath and squatted in the half-dug hole you had made. Two men stepped out of the car and went to the trunk, the shorter one looked around before opening it. You could see the display of weapons, rosery beads, and other items in the trunk. Your brow furrowed; no way, were these two hunters? You poked your head up higher and watched as they both took off, signaling to each other. You smiled to yourself and climbed out of the hole.

“Excuse me!” You called to them. The shorter one spun around, his leather jacket moving with him. His pistol pointed directly at you. The taller one turned and immediately raised both his hands in surrender. You stifled a chuckle and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Who the hell are you?” The shorter one said.

“I’m the one who shot the witch.” You said, moving your weight to one hip. “Can a girl get some help digging the grave?” You asked before walking away and picking up your shovel again. You ran your forearm across your sweaty forehead and continued to dig.

“What the hell man?” Dean asked his brother.

“I don’t know.” Sam shrugged his shoulders, walking over towards you. He checked the body and saw that it was indeed the witch they had been hunting. He turned back to Dean and gave him a thumbs up, the corners of his mouth turning down in a “yup, she got it” expression. Dean rolled his eyes and walked over towards you and Sam.

“I’m Dean Winchester, this is my brother Sam.” Dean introduced to you. You planted the shovel in the ground and looked up at them, a smile coming across your face.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you guys.” You said, licking your lips.

“Yeah, you too.” Sam smiled at you, his dimples giving a boyish charm to his massive figure.

Two Months Later

“Hey.” His voice spoke behind you. You jumped slightly and turned around to face him, smiling softly.

“Hi, Sam.” You spoke around your coffee cup.

“Sleep well?” He asked, coming to sit on the table in front of you. When he was in front of you like this, his eyes level with yours and faces so close. It took everything you had not to wrap yourself around him and crash your lips against his. You swallowed and looked away, gathering your thoughts.

“Eh, I’ve had better. You?” You bit your bottom lip.

“Same.” He looked down at the floor, the left side of his mouth turning up into a smirk.

“The life of a hunter, huh?” You said with a chuckle. You ran your ring finger over the rim of your coffee cup.

“All glitz and glamour.” Sam joked back, his eyes meeting yours again.

“It’s better as a team.” You said, watching him for a reaction.

“I can honestly say, our lives have gotten significantly better since you came around.” Sam smiled at you. It wasn’t a flirty or joking smile, it was a genuine smile that lit up his eyes. Your heart skipped a beat and you had to remind yourself to take a breath.

“Mine too.” You said and watched Sam’s smile grow even wider.

Four Months Later

You shoved the rest of the burrito into your mouth and leaned back against the leather. The windows were open in the impala and guns and roses was coming out of the speakers. You closed your eyes and relished in the moment. Sam’s hair blew softly in the wind and you found yourself staring more than once. His green and golden eyes were glowing with the sunlight and you couldn’t stop from falling deeply into them. Sam had been acting different lately, he seemed strung out. Like when you don’t take enough butter for your bread. There were days when he was the old Sam, sweet and caring, but then he would change again. Dean was noticing too. The two of you saw him whispering on the phone, sneaking out into the dark. You watched his body acting like a drain upon itself. The dark circles under his eyes. The secrets he was clearly keeping. You tried to push down your growing feelings for him. Told yourself it would never happen, but then your eyes would connect and the hope would flood your soul again. You craved him. Your bruised and scarred skin itched for his. You licked your lips and leaned back against the backseat, the sunlight warming you.

Three Months Later

You closed the book and leaned back against the uncomfortable chair. You rubbed your shoulders and moved your head around to stretch your neck.

“Nothing?” Sam asked. His eyes connecting with yours.

“Nope.” You mumbled and bent your legs under you.

“It doesn’t make any sense.” He whispered to himself.

“I know.” You leaned forward, your muscles relaxing finally.

“It's like a vampire and a werewolf.” Sam said, his brow furrowed as he rummaged through the books again.

“It’s a warepire!” Dean yelled from the bathroom, the toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head at his brother. Your eyes moved in thought. Suddenly you sat up and slapped the book in front of you. Sam jumped at the loud noise, looking at you with wide eyes.

“It’s a nachzehrer!” You yelled. “I remember reading about them one time, they eat flesh of the dead and also eat the hearts of the living. You kill them by beheading them.” You spoke with your hands as you put the pieces of the case together.

“Y/N, you’re a genius!” Sam grabbed you by the shoulders and kissed your cheek. You stumbled back slightly, not able to contain your smile. “Really, great work.” He smiled down at you; his eyes were so gold in this light. He was beautiful.

“Thanks, Sam.” You felt your whole-body melt at his touch.

Two Months Later

Sam had chosen her. He chose Ruby. You understood that he felt like he was doing the right thing, but that didn’t stop the hurt from spreading through your veins. Dean was upstairs, pacing in anger and the bitter feeling of betrayal. You knew that this wasn’t Sam. Not your Sam. This was a man who had been taken at his most vulnerable state only to be beaten down even further. Until all he could do was listen to the only voice telling him he could fix this, but Dean couldn’t see that right now. You placed your elbows on your knees and ran your fingers through your hair, holding your head in your hands. You were so heavy and tired. You felt the tears sting your eyes. Your throat clenched. Your chest felt tight and your lungs burned from lack of oxygen. The tears came and they didn’t stop. You knew it wasn’t love, whatever Sam was doing with her, but the jealousy was still there. The penetrating envy that was burning deep in your heart, building and burning, hot and thick.

The old and broken-down convent was dark in the night. You and Dean raced through the halls, Dean screaming Sam’s name the entire time. Your hands shook and your eyes moved frantically around the decaying building. That’s when you saw him. His back was to you. He was with her. Your heart was racing in your chest. The doors slammed shut. Dean was ramming his body into the doors. Your chest hurt from how heavy and fast you were breathing. You realized you were crying, choking on thick sobs that racked your lungs. The door finally opened and you saw him. He looked defeated. His face was twisted by confusion and it took everything in you not to run to him. Dean rammed the knife through her stomach, her face lighting as she died. Sam grabbed his brothers' jacket and your arm.

“It’s him.” He whispered before the floor lit up as he rose.

One Week Later

You were standing in the motel room, Dean at the table and Sam on one of the beds. Your heart felt heavy. None of you had spoken much since the apocalypse started and you were beginning to wonder if you should just leave. Pack it all up behind you and never look back. Then you looked at him. His green and golden eyes holding so much pain in them. His body was still the same, but he looked so broken and small. You could feel the ache in his heart as if it was your own. Dean didn’t trust him to even go out to get a soda. There was a part of you that understood, but you knew he was trying to do the right thing. He was always trying to do the right thing. Dean stood and grabbed his jacket, leaving the room with a nod in your direction. The silence was thick as it spread throughout the room. Your jaw tightened and you wanted to wrap him in your arms.

“Y/N, I am so sorry.” He sounded so broken.

“Sam, I don’t blame you. Please know that.” You walked over to him and knelt in front of him, not caring anymore.

“I deserve the blame, Y/N. I did it. I let lucifer out of his cage.” Sam was angry now, his voice rising in volume.

“Yeah, you did. I still don’t blame you, at least not only you.” You placed your hands on his arms, feeling his muscles clench under your touch.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He turned towards you; his face hard.

“It means it wasn’t just you! Dean is the one who broke the first seal, Cas let you out of the panic room, Ruby is the one who got you hooked on demon blood! Of course, some blame is put on you, Sammy, but you don’t have to hold this weight on your shoulders alone.” You placed one hand on his cheek, forcing him to look into your eyes. “You are a good man and I don’t think any less of you because of this.” By the time you were done talking, your voice was just above a whisper. His face was so close to yours. His hand touched your cheek, fingers twisting around the nape of your neck. His skin was so warm.

“Thank you.” His voice was shaky and rough, holding in his emotions.

Four Months Later

You closed the door behind you and stepped into the darkness of night. The cold air spread goosebumps across your skin and you wrapped your arms around yourself. At Bobby's house you could always see so many stars, the sky was so clear. The moon was bright and heavy in the sky, illuminating all around you.

“Y/N?” You closed your eyes at the sound of his voice saying your name. You turned your head to look at him over your shoulder.

“Hey, Sam.” You smiled as he came to stand next to you.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked you, placing his hands in his pockets.

“No, too much going on.” You said, your breath showing.

“Are you cold?” He asked, already knowing the answer. You turned your head, looking into his dancing eyes and nodded. “Here. Take my shirt.” He said already taking it off his body and stepping behind you. His hands placed it on your shoulders as you put your arms through the holes. He slid his hands down the sleeves before stepping back to your side.

“Thank you.” You curled into the soft fabric; his scent strong in your nose. He looked even bigger now, arms bulging in his t-shirt.

“No problem.” He smiled down at you, his hair falling into his eyes slightly. You were suddenly on fire, it had nothing to do with his shirt and everything to do with him. The way he looked at you like you were the only person in the world. The way he listened to everything you said, hanging on every word. How he seemed to always know your feelings and never pushed you too far. You didn’t know the exact moment, but somewhere along the way you had fallen in love. Somewhere in the moldy motel rooms, the cheap diner food, the late nights and early mornings you had fallen hard.

Three Months Later

“No, Sam. You can’t!” You practically screamed, tears running freely down your face.

“I have to fix this, Y/N!” He yelled back, pointing at his chest.

“You can’t let him in! He’s the devil, Sammy!” You grabbed his jacket, pulling him to you. At your touch, Sam melted completely. His muscles lost all the tension they were holding. All the air left his lungs and he folded against you. His arms wrapping tightly around you. You cried into his chest; he rested his head on yours as his hands rubbed your back.

“I’m the only one who can.” His chest rumbled when he spoke.

“Don’t leave me.” You pleaded. You felt his lips against the top of your head before he pushed you away slightly to kiss your forehead.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. Just know that you helped me a lot this year, you’re so strong. You can do this.” The tears were forming around his eyes as he spoke.

“Sam, I-” You tried to express yourself, tell him everything you had been feeling.

“I know, me too.” He cut you off, his fingers digging into your arms, holding your even tighter.

Two Days Later

You were standing next to Bobby’s body in the graveyard. Tears fell down your face. Your body crumpling against the agony that spread throughout your veins. Lucifer landed punch after punch to Dean, his bones cracking under the force. You shook and jumped at each one. Then in one moment everything changed. His hand loosened and his eyes changed. He was back. Sam was back.

“It’s ok, Dean. I've got him.” He said. You covered your mouth and shook your head, knowing what was coming. Sam looked over at you and your eyes connected across the field. His shoulders fell and a deep sadness crossed his face. He mouthed “I love you” to you, his eyes holding so much in them. You grabbed your chest and broke down completely. He closed his eyes and spread his arms out wide, the winds of hell blowing his jacket and hair back. Michael jumped on him and he and Sam fell into the pit together. The earth swallowed them whole. Then, there was stillness once again. As if nothing ever happened. Your body crawled over to the grass that had just taken him.

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Present Day

You moved around your apartment, tiding up and such. You touched the picture of you, Sam, and Dean. Your smiles were wide and happy. Simpler times when the world wasn’t cruel. When you were whole and there wasn’t an ache in your chest. The days were long without him, the nights even longer. It had been a year and half. A year and a half since he jumped into the pit. Bobby called you from time to time, but you never answered. You couldn’t answer. You couldn’t look back at that life anymore. You had died that day too, not able to feel since. Food did nothing for you. Wine tasted like water in your mouth. The warmth of the sun never seemed to be enough to thaw your cold skin. No matter how much you slept, you still felt tired. You went through the motions of your day, work, relax, eat, sleep. None of it mattered. You had been dead for a year and a half, just like Sam. A knock on your door made you jump. Your brow furrowed and you walked hesitantly toward the door. You opened it to see a familiar face. Dean stood in front of you.

“Hey, kid.” He smiled, his green eyes holding yours.

“Dean?” You couldn’t believe he was here.

“Mind if I come in?” He stepped around you, making his way inside and sitting down at your dining room table.

“What's going on? Why are you here?” You sat down at your table across from him.

“Sam’s alive.” Dean said matter of factly. You felt dizzy, like you had just been punched in the gut. You couldn’t understand what Dean was saying. You shook your head and swallowed tickly.

“What?” Your voice barley above a whisper.

“He’s been alive for about a year and a half now.” Dean said, his face twisting. He knew you were going to flip out.

“What! Why didn’t anyone tell me?! Dean! What the hell! Take me to him. Take me to him right now.” You screamed, grabbing your jacket and moving toward the door.

“Alright, hold on. Look, there is a lot you don’t know. I promise to take you to Sam, but I need you to listen to me first.” His hand was on your arm, keeping you from bolting out the door.

“Fine, tell me in the car.” You ripped your arm out of his grasp and practically ran down the stairs and into the impala.

Bobby’s house

“So, he didn’t have a soul?” You asked, leaning against the door frame and staring at him on the bed. Dean shook his head, looking at you from the corner of his eyes. You couldn’t stop staring at him. His face peaceful in his deep slumber. You had missed him so much. Missed the small moments with him. He was your entire world and you were so happy he was back. This was going to work. You knew it. He would wake up.

“He hardly cared about seeing me.” Dean said, running a hand over his face. He looked exhausted. You touched his shoulder, sending him a reassuring look.

“How was your year with Lisa?” You smiled at the blush that ran across his cheeks.

“Shut up.” He mumbled. You giggled and the two of you made your way upstairs.

About an hour later you walked down into the living room from upstairs.

“Hey, Dean is he aw-” Your voice caught in your throat when you saw him. He was standing in the middle of the living room, alive and well. Your heart dropped and all the air left your body. Your stomach flipped in your gut and your eyes watered at the sight of him. “Sam.” You whispered his name.

“Y/N.” He whispered back. You couldn’t control the sob that ripped its way out of you at the sound of his voice. His feet took him to you in two strides. He placed his hands on either side of your face and pulled you to him, his lips crashing against yours. You made a noise that was somewhere between a moan and a wail. For the first time in a year and a half you felt something. You felt him. His warm and soft lips on yours. His hands on your skin. Your mouth opened to him and the first thing you tasted was him. You had dreamed of this moment for months before he fell into the cage. It was better than you could have ever imagined. Dean cleared his throat behind you, breaking you and Sam apart.

The rest of the day passed with food, drink, and laughs. You told Sam about your apartment and Dean told some stories of his year.

“So, you settled down and got a normal job?” Sam asked you.

“I tried to keep hunting, I really did, but I couldn’t. Even though I was all on my own before I met you guys, I just couldn’t do it anymore. After you....ya know, I felt like I had nothing left to give. I couldn’t go out there and kill monsters when I felt so broken and helpless. So, I made myself comfortable. Lived a boring life for a while.” You took a swig from your beer and shrugged your shoulders.

“How was it?” Sam leaned forward on his elbows, interest in his face.

“I just told you, it was boring as hell.” You smiled and for the first time in a long time you actually felt it on your face. Sam and Dean both laughed and you closed your eyes, hearing your favorite sound once again.

That night you couldn’t sleep and you made your way outside, knowing you would find him out there too. His back was to you when you stepped outside. You touched his shoulder and your lips parted at the feeling of his skin against yours. His arms wrapped around you tightly. Your face tilted up to look into his face.

“I love you.” He said, his breath mingling with yours in the pitch black of night.

“I love you so much, Sam.” You whispered, looking deep into his eyes. His head leaned down and his lips captured yours once again. Unlike before, this kiss was full of passion and heat. You grabbed a fistful of his hair in your fingers and arched your back into him. He wrapped one arm around your waist and bent his knees, lifting you to him. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you moaned into his mouth. His tongue tasted every inch of you. His fingers twisted into your hair. It wasn’t until he pulled away slightly that you noticed you were crying. You sniffled, chucking slightly.

“You ok, baby?” He put you down on the ground, his fingers wiping your tears away.

“I’m just so happy. Sam, you have no idea how much I missed you.” You intertwined your fingers into his and stepped even closer to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice was calm and light. You bit your lip and swallowed, nodding your head slightly.

“After I watched you fall into the pit, I had nothing left. I felt empty and broken, there was this aching hole inside of me that I could never fill. I couldn’t taste food, my favorite song just sounded like noise in my ears. No matter how hot I made the water or no matter how long I sat in the sun, my skin was always cold. You are what keeps me going, Sam. When I lost you, I was overwhelmed with grief and sorrow. I was just a shell of the person I once was. I was gone too. Now though, your back. Here you are in front of me. Telling me you love me. I have waited to tell you that you are the love of my life for so long. Long before Lucifer and that damn pit. Sam, you are the love of my life. There is nothing else when you are by my side.” Your hands were running up and down his arms, your eyes looking directly into his. “I’m warm again, Sammy. I’m full again, and it's all because you are here.” You reached up onto your tippy toes and pressed your lips against his once again.

“Y/N, you are everything to me. Do you want to know why Lucifer didn’t kill you that day? Because I wouldn’t let him. He tried and I fought with all my strength to stop him, because I couldn’t watch you die. You are the love of my life too, baby. Your mine and I'm yours. Forever. I'm never letting you go again.” His hands came around your face, holding you so close. His breath fanning across your skin. “It’s you and me for the rest of our lives. I promise. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but you’re my whole world now.” He wrapped you into him, holding you tightly against him. You listened to his beating heart and closed your eyes. Finally, the world was right again.

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collectionofdestiel · 7 years

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Witch Bitches

“Dean?” A weak, almost silent, whisper breathed the name into the darkened emptiness surrounding him. He could feel a tingling in his hands and feet, slowly traveling up his arms and legs, and placed it with the feeling of falling. When he had wings he wasn’t scared of falling… but now all there was to do was fall.

Dean sighed deeply from the bottom of his lungs as he rolled his eyes at his brother. “Dude. No. This isn’t some elaborate heist. It’s a nest of witch bitches. I’m sure that Cas is fine. Probably just got lost on his way back. He did the same thing like two weeks ago in Idaho.”

The younger Winchester couldn’t keep the worry out of his eyes. “I know. But it’s been two hours. Usually he’d at least call. How can you be so calm about this? I would think you would be the one freaking out.”

“I’m not freaking out because I know my boyfriend can handle this.” Taking another deep breath, he stood from the crappy motel bed and walked robotically to the window to peer out. “And I promised him I wouldn’t worry. Remember the fit I had about him hunting with us in the first place after he lost his grace?”

Only nodding, Sam sized up his brother carefully. Even if Cas had told him not to worry, it wasn’t like he didn’t have reason to believe Dean would anyway. The man was basically a walking worry machine when it came to the people he loves.

“Well. I almost lost him.” A gruffness touched his voice. “He’ll be here soon. Maybe he stopped and got food or beer.”

“I just-“

“Speak on the angel!” Dean’s face split so quickly into a relieved smile that Sam knew his brother had been worrying his ass off. “And he’s got a grocery bag! I called it.”

The door shoved open to reveal Cas whose face was twisted as if he was chewing on a sour jawbreaker. “Dean. Sam.” The gravel tone that came from his parted lips made both Winchesters tense.

Appearance-wise, as they measured up Cas, he looked like he had when he left the motel. But there was definitely something off. It took a few beats of silence before it clicked in Dean’s head. This wasn’t the Cas they’ve come to know and love, this was Castiel. The Castiel who came charging in with no emotion and little to understand about human nature.

“Uh?” Was all Sam could muster up.

Cas tilted his head. “What?”

“Sweetheart?” Taking a cautious step forward, Dean pressed the back of his hand against his boyfriend’s forehead. Didn’t feel overly warm or cold. “Are you.. okay?”

With a simple nod, Cas stepped away from Dean and toward the table to drop off he few groceries he had picked up. “I am fine, Dean.”

Standing almost abruptly, Sam reached into his bag in one swift moment before pointing an angel blade toward the angel. His hand shook a little but he wanted to be prepared. Even if that is still their Cas, something was wrong and he wasn’t going to take any chances.

Another slight head tilt before deep blue eyes met Sam’s with calculated confusion. “What are you doing with my angel blade?”

Thinking the same thing, Dean stepped between them. Holding a hand toward his brother before turning and looking into the same eyes that were more often than not the last thing he saw before he went to sleep at night. He searched, with everything in his own mind, to see if he could spot any spark from Cas. But there wasn’t anything. The angel no longer looked at him as if he hung the moon, as if he was the only speck of humanity he treasured, as if… as if he loved him.

“C-Cas?” Dean’s throat constricted not allowing anything else to leave his lips.

“My name is Castiel.” The angel turned back to his bag, seemingly not wary of the two Winchesters, and started to set the canned food out in a neat array. “I got the food that you asked for Sam. The hunt is down. I killed the witches. We can leave in the morning and continue east.”

“Dean?” Sam’s voice brought his brother’s eyes to him. Without wanted Cas to hear he whispered, ‘witches’, hoping Dean would understand.

With a short nod and a lot of rage hiding just under the surface of his façade, Dean swiveled back to meet Castiel’s eyes. “Hey, uh, buddy? Why don’t we rest first, huh? We’ve been on the road-“

“Why are you thinking that?” Castiel interrupted suddenly, his entire demeanor changing to cold and standoffish. “In your head I can see images of the two of us together. You keep thinking that I love you and I will be back to ‘normal’ soon. I don’t love you, Dean. I never have. I’m incapable of such a thing. I simply let you believe this so that I can continue to learn from Sam and you until I am a good enough hunter to go on my own.”

The air was sucked straight from Dean’s lungs. His eyes widened as the disbelief couldn’t stay buried inside of him. Maybe he had thought that Cas had felt this way, maybe he had nightmares of Cas saying this very thing, but never… never did it hurt so much than it did to hear it from his very lips.

The angel grinned savagely. “That’s your worst nightmare isn’t it? That I would never love such a piece of garbage like yourself. You’re poison, Dean Winchester. I’ve seen you. I’ve seen all you have to offer this world and I can’t believe you would fool yourself into thinking an Angel of the Lord would want you to love.”

“Shut up!” Sam screamed, charging forward with the angel blade, knowing that this wasn’t Cas. It had to be a trick, or a spell, or an imposter.

Castiel easily waved his arm sending Sam sprawling against the paneled wall and landing with a huff on the carpet in a heap. Taking a predatory step toward Dean, he let a chuckle slip. “When you told me that you’d only want to go to heaven if I was there with you, holding your hand like a child, you believed me when I said I would never leave you. You’re a gullible idiot.”

He was stuck. His feet plastered to the floor as his heart hammered and shattered into small fragmented pieces. There was a part of him that knew this wasn’t real but another part, the self-loathing part, believed every word with so much force he clasped his eyes shut to keep the tears from flowing. If Cas was right, everything he was spilling out now was true, then what was there to keep him going?

“D-dean..” A gasped plea came from the floor where Sam was trying with all his strength to stand.

Snapping out of whatever trance he had been in, green eyes shot open to see his angel standing only a few inches from him. Their breath mangled together, Dean remembered the way he used to breathe in this scent to help him sleep. But now, as his teeth mashed together, he knew that this wasn’t his angel. It wasn’t Cas.

“What did you do to him?”

“Who, Dean? Your sweet little winged brat?” Whatever this thing was tilted it’s head back and cackled. “He’s long gone, I’m afraid. It was so easy getting him out of the picture, making this potion to take his form. And now..” It’s eyes, staring at Dean through Cas’, met his with a sickening ferocity, “you are going to die by his hands.”

“Think again.” Sam muttered through a wheeze before plunging the angel blade deep into the back of the witch’s torso.

Its eyes widened, the look of pain and anguish flashing across ‘Cas’’s face made Dean nauseous and heartbroken. The witch fell, its body contorting and spasming until both men were looking down on a middle aged woman. Her body fell still, long blonde hair covering her face.

“Where is he?” Dean’s voice broke, the tears cascading down his cheeks. “Where the fuck is my angel!?”

They had driven all over the town thrice over before Dean started to really cry. Not just tears escaping that he could easily wipe away. Now his body hunched itself over in cramped fits, his lungs and eyes burned as most of his tears came with wrecked sobs, his head was pounding and spinning as his entire life that was once set out in front of him crumbled and fell into the deepest parts of his own personal hell.

Sam kept driving, his own tears making it harder to stay between the line. But he couldn’t stop. If he stopped, if he turned the key out of the ignition, then Cas was gone. And if Cas was gone then so was Dean.

“WHERE IS HE?!”

The tingling feeling was back in his toes and fingers. There was specs of his vision that started to slowly swim back. With each passing second he was more aware of his chest lifting and falling, his breath filling his lungs and touching his lips. After about ten minutes he was able to sit up fully. Remembering how he got to where he was, he tensed and scoped out the area he was in.

“A… dumpster?” Cas squinted his eyes at the tall medal walls around him, the putrid stench of garbage all around him, and the half plastic ceiling that was beside a rectangle that opened to the sky.

Climbing out of the dumpster proved to be difficult especially considering the fact that he still felt wobbly on his legs. And when he fell and landed on the hard concrete of the alley, all he could do was sigh in relief at the taste of fresh air.

Walking back to the motel was not fun. He was still covered in garbage. Everyone who he passed whispered and bolted away from him as if, well, as if he had spent the night in a dumpster. All he could think about was Dean and Sam, though. He needed to make sure the witch hadn’t gotten to them. If anything happened to them… Cas quieted his inner monologue and picked up his pace.

Searching his pockets frantically, Cas groaned when he found no key anywhere. Which meant it was either in the dumpster or the witch had stolen it. Biting his lip, a very human mannerism he had picked up quickly, he raised his shaking fist and pounded on the door a few times. He wanted a shower. Wanted to see Dean and Sam’s face. Really wanted a sandwich or a burger.

“-look we will find him-“ Sam was soothing to his brother as he swung open the door.

Hazel eyes widened at the man he saw standing almost comically gross at their doorstep. Sam’s eyes caught sight of the spaghetti noodle in the dark locks, the dark remanence of mold stuck to the lapels of his trench coat. If he had been able to move from the sudden burst of surprise and relief, he would’ve pinched himself.

“Cas?”

Letting out a sigh of relief, Cas pushed past the younger Winchester. “You would not believe what happened to me. Have you seen the witch? Because I would like to kill it with my bare hands. It knocked me out and stuck me in a dumpster!”

Dean was out of his seat in a flash, his eyes were almost shut from how puffy and irritated they were from the tears that still wouldn’t stop. Even when he collided with the love of his life, felt Cas’ beating chest against his own, and wrapped his arm around the other man with no intention of ever ever letting go.

“What happened to you!?” Dean wheezed out, pressing his face so firmly to Cas’ throat that he could feel his pulse against his lips. “Fake you waltzed in here and told me you didn’t love me and I was poison and then you died because Sam stabbed you and I had to watch you die and then we couldn’t find you and-and-and-“

“Shhh.” Pressing his fingers carefully against Dean’s temple Cas’ rubbed circles into his skin. “It’s okay, Dean. I am here. Of course, I love you. I will never stop loving you. I am sorry that I couldn’t be here to call that ‘fake me’ a liar.”

Snorting, more out of relief to hear Cas speaking and joking like he is supposed to, Dean melted even deeper into their embrace. “I’m so happy you’re back, sweetheart.”

“I am, too.” Sending a look back over his shoulder at Sam, Cas nodded. “Thank you, Sam, for watching over Dean.”

“Of course.” Clapping his hands awkwardly in front of him, Sam smiled lopsided and motioned to the door. “I’m just gonna go and get more food ‘cause you know maybe fake you poisoned them or something so-I’ll just you know- and I’ll knock when I get back.” And with that they were alone in the room.

After a few moments, when Dean got himself calmed down and thinking straight, he pulled himself away from Cas with a scrunched up face of disgust. “Babe. You need a shower.”

Chuckling, Cas grabbed Dean’s and yanked him toward the bathroom. “I’m very very dirty. I think I’m going to need some help.”

Anyone else saying it would’ve been teasing and sexy, but Cas was very serious and deadpan about it. Which only made Dean’s heart hammer. Not being able to take his eyes away from his angel, Dean sighed and whispered under this breath, “I’m glad to have the real you back.”

#destiel #destiel fic #been a little off my writing game but this kinda came to me #maybe if it gets good enough feedback ill keep trying to write more tonight

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sams-sass · 4 years

Text

Its All Coming Back To Me Now

****I am so sorry for all the double posts, my tags go up for a few hours and then get deleted.

Hello! I hope you guys like this one! Thanks for all the love and support!

Summary: You are falling for Sam until Swan Song happens, but there is something you don't know.

Pairings: Sam x Reader

Warnings: Fluff, angst, feelings of hopelessness

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Two years earlier

“Who the hell are you?” The shorter one said.

“What the hell man?” Dean asked his brother.

“I’m Dean Winchester, this is my brother Sam.” Dean introduced to you. You planted the shovel in the ground and looked up at them, a smile coming across your face.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you guys.” You said, licking your lips.

“Yeah, you too.” Sam smiled at you, his dimples giving a boyish charm to his massive figure.

Two Months Later

“Hey.” His voice spoke behind you. You jumped slightly and turned around to face him, smiling softly.

“Hi, Sam.” You spoke around your coffee cup.

“Eh, I’ve had better. You?” You bit your bottom lip.

“Same.” He looked down at the floor, the left side of his mouth turning up into a smirk.

“The life of a hunter, huh?” You said with a chuckle. You ran your ring finger over the rim of your coffee cup.

“All glitz and glamour.” Sam joked back, his eyes meeting yours again.

“It’s better as a team.” You said, watching him for a reaction.

“Mine too.” You said and watched Sam’s smile grow even wider.

Four Months Later

Three Months Later

You closed the book and leaned back against the uncomfortable chair. You rubbed your shoulders and moved your head around to stretch your neck.

“Nothing?” Sam asked. His eyes connecting with yours.

“Nope.” You mumbled and bent your legs under you.

“It doesn’t make any sense.” He whispered to himself.

“I know.” You leaned forward, your muscles relaxing finally.

“It's like a vampire and a werewolf.” Sam said, his brow furrowed as he rummaged through the books again.

“Thanks, Sam.” You felt your whole-body melt at his touch.

Two Months Later

“It’s him.” He whispered before the floor lit up as he rose.

One Week Later

“Y/N, I am so sorry.” He sounded so broken.

“Sam, I don’t blame you. Please know that.” You walked over to him and knelt in front of him, not caring anymore.

“I deserve the blame, Y/N. I did it. I let lucifer out of his cage.” Sam was angry now, his voice rising in volume.

“Yeah, you did. I still don’t blame you, at least not only you.” You placed your hands on his arms, feeling his muscles clench under your touch.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He turned towards you; his face hard.

“Thank you.” His voice was shaky and rough, holding in his emotions.

Four Months Later

“Y/N?” You closed your eyes at the sound of his voice saying your name. You turned your head to look at him over your shoulder.

“Hey, Sam.” You smiled as he came to stand next to you.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked you, placing his hands in his pockets.

“No, too much going on.” You said, your breath showing.

“Thank you.” You curled into the soft fabric; his scent strong in your nose. He looked even bigger now, arms bulging in his t-shirt.

Three Months Later

“No, Sam. You can’t!” You practically screamed, tears running freely down your face.

“I have to fix this, Y/N!” He yelled back, pointing at his chest.

“I’m the only one who can.” His chest rumbled when he spoke.

“Don’t leave me.” You pleaded. You felt his lips against the top of your head before he pushed you away slightly to kiss your forehead.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. Just know that you helped me a lot this year, you’re so strong. You can do this.” The tears were forming around his eyes as he spoke.

“Sam, I-” You tried to express yourself, tell him everything you had been feeling.

“I know, me too.” He cut you off, his fingers digging into your arms, holding your even tighter.

Two Days Later

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Present Day

“Hey, kid.” He smiled, his green eyes holding yours.

“Dean?” You couldn’t believe he was here.

“Mind if I come in?” He stepped around you, making his way inside and sitting down at your dining room table.

“What's going on? Why are you here?” You sat down at your table across from him.

“Sam’s alive.” Dean said matter of factly. You felt dizzy, like you had just been punched in the gut. You couldn’t understand what Dean was saying. You shook your head and swallowed tickly.

“What?” Your voice barley above a whisper.

“He’s been alive for about a year and a half now.” Dean said, his face twisting. He knew you were going to flip out.

“What! Why didn’t anyone tell me?! Dean! What the hell! Take me to him. Take me to him right now.” You screamed, grabbing your jacket and moving toward the door.

“Alright, hold on. Look, there is a lot you don’t know. I promise to take you to Sam, but I need you to listen to me first.” His hand was on your arm, keeping you from bolting out the door.

“Fine, tell me in the car.” You ripped your arm out of his grasp and practically ran down the stairs and into the impala.

Bobby’s house

“He hardly cared about seeing me.” Dean said, running a hand over his face. He looked exhausted. You touched his shoulder, sending him a reassuring look.

“How was your year with Lisa?” You smiled at the blush that ran across his cheeks.

“Shut up.” He mumbled. You giggled and the two of you made your way upstairs.

About an hour later you walked down into the living room from upstairs.

The rest of the day passed with food, drink, and laughs. You told Sam about your apartment and Dean told some stories of his year.

“So, you settled down and got a normal job?” Sam asked you.

“How was it?” Sam leaned forward on his elbows, interest in his face.

“I love you.” He said, his breath mingling with yours in the pitch black of night.

“You ok, baby?” He put you down on the ground, his fingers wiping your tears away.

“I’m just so happy. Sam, you have no idea how much I missed you.” You intertwined your fingers into his and stepped even closer to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice was calm and light. You bit your lip and swallowed, nodding your head slightly.

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