#can hardly expect them to pay attention to an awkward ugly weirdo xD

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

This is an actual conversation, reproduced nearly verbatim, between me and a friend recently:

"Look, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of people outside my family who I feel comfortable going up to and talking to!"

*friend counts, getting to both hands* "No but you're forgetting some. Me, [the boy's sister], my parents-"

*stops her* "I think you're misunderstanding me. I said comfortable. Like sure there are the ones who I can feel comfortable talking to, but not going up to."

"So who's on your list?"

"You, [the boy's sister], [his younger brother], [the boy himself]. That's it."

*friend is, apparently, shocked into silence*

#i think she didn't realise just how uncomfortable I am in social situations #i mean i often feel awkward even approaching the boy's sister who i love dearly #his brother is happy-go-lucky enough that hardly anyone could be uncomfortable approaching him i think #and he himself i'm awkward about it but not uncomfortable #this came up in a convo bc she was leaving youth group earlier than i was and the boy's family wasn't there #when she left i proceeded to stand alone by the wall staring at nothing and nobody came and talked to me but that's okay #tehy all have their friends #can hardly expect them to pay attention to an awkward ugly weirdo xD #and eventually my transport took me home so it was fine #i am neither mad nor upset #just a little sad that i don't have anyone who would actively seek me out #like this friend *might* if she ddin't have more interesting people to talk to #and the boy's sister might sometimes #but it would be nice sometimes if others chose to come and talk to me bc they wanted to rather than me coming and talking to them bc #im dumb and boring and awkward #idk i mean like the boy himself for instance kinda waits for conversation to arrive at him rather than initiating it bc he isn't v social #he seems to like conversations when they're started? i mean he smiles a lot so i guess that's good? #idk if he came and started conversation id KNOW he was v interested #anyway that's okay i can survive perfectly well #the boy #personal