#c: appleyjuiceboy

[idealnreal]

@appleyjuiceboy

“ Takuto? There’s ... something we have to talk about,” Rumi paused, unsure at how Tak will respond to this. But she set her bag down on the coffee table and seated herself on the couch, looking at him expectedly, “ Something about ... the cognitive world,”

#f: para #c: appleyjuiceboy #v: canon; haunted

[despacitotm-a]

appleyjuiceboy

“C-Come on… let’s be reasonable about this…!”

“Are you really in a position to be negotiating?”

#appleyjuiceboy #Ren Amamiya */ in character #no. no ur not

[idealnreal]

@appleyjuiceboy​ / bitch you thought you got rid of me and my dream shenanigans

A thousand dreams. On and on, they chased a ghost of a woman. Incomprehensible and uncontrollable, her dreams whirled and twisted, one after the other. Places that could not exist, now formed before their eyes. Demons stalked them, dark creatures without form. Sometimes these demons would appear as the woman woke -- seeing a room and a world that only sought to kill her. This was why she was afraid. 

The ghost -- she lay ever beyond their reach. Sometimes they would hear her screaming voice, and in others, only her weeping. 

They had no power to influence here -- not since they had been severed and their roots burnt. And so, it has been many years since they first entered her dream, but they dare not tire. They cannot. They must not. They must try to reach her, through the endless maze of each dream. 

The had been in this one for many months now, escaping the demons and untangling each and every puzzle of her unconscious. She was so close now, they can almost see her face.

( Try speaking to her, perhaps she can hear us. )

#f: para #c: appleyjuiceboy #p5r spoilers #v: canon; a cruel reality #c: the other

[idealnreal]

@appleyjuiceboy / eyy we’re back to our regularly scheduled apocalyptic programming with a side of eldritch lovin

Often, they saw the remnants of the world that which their Conduit loved so dearly. They felt his wracking guilt, his pain, his desperation. This had been their perfect world. Their paradise made to manifest. They had become what no deity could become. 

They remembered well the agony of their rupture. They had screamed in a million voices as they were torn asunder from their Dreaming. And all at once they felt the waking of thousands of realities and of billions of souls. And in the throes of their destruction, they hated and they mourned -- as the love they felt turned into bitter ash.

Even now, when they were so parted -- they were intrinsically and inextricably joined. They had existed as one after all -- and no severing shall truly separate them. 

However, their Conduit can no longer hear their voice. So weak his will and mind had become, that he would break under the slightest of touches, the quietest of whispers. And yet, they longed for his return into their Dream -- for without him -- a void --

In that moment, they felt his fear. They heard loud noises, echoing through the night. Close -- those gunshots were close. In their desperation to calm him, they reached for his mind. 

#(( HRRRHHHHH aza lovs him ok #f: para #c: appleyjuiceboy #v: canon; the end of all dreams

[idealnreal]

@appleyjuiceboy / I swear this will be lighthearted and not sad

The Conduit was asleep,and his dreams were empty and silent. A result of their utter exhaustion. It was no small feat, for a mortal, to comprehend and wield the power over reality. 

But despite the slumbering state of their mortal form, the infernal being continued to dream -- and found themselves in a familiar space. The living quarters of their Conduit. Now, with the veil between worlds torn down, they wandered -- blind and deaf-- guided only by the memories of the Conduit. They could sense that there were simple living things, ones that feed on the light of a star. They were lined in a row, before what they can remember was a window. There was another creature too, slightly more complex with some base awareness and sentience. 

It wandered around, jumping up to where the Conduit lay -- moving as if attempting to rouse him. It then jumped and ran-- curling up. It felt threatened, even scared. Some mortal things can sense their presence, this much they knew. 

Then, there was another -- this time, another human. It approached the border of this space, standing just before the threshold -- of what they could only recall as the door. The smaller living creature scurried away, as if reacting to the new human presence. Several moments passed and the human would not leave, and they sensed a growing annoyance from it.

( Wake. )

#f: para #c: appleyjuiceboy #v: canon #p5r spoilers #c: the other

[idealnreal]

@appleyjuiceboy / we and me are simply a matter of perception

The reality that everyone deserves has taken full hold of the world(s) they once knew. But there were so many other worlds -- worlds revealed by Azat.hoth.  Some worlds looked very much like that of which he knew, with the exception of a few ‘tweaks’ and changes. Other worlds were beyond -- a vast and infinite realm of possibility. For now, they can only listen into those worlds, and focus their attention to the worlds that were closer to their own. 

He had met his twin on his first successful experiment in transferring not only his mind to another world, but his physical form too -- although at the time, he did not understand what went right. And upon their meeting, it was all but impossible to conceive any separation between them. They understood eachother, even without speaking-- and they knew what they must do next.

Their experiments continued, as did their research -- until finally their travel between worlds became less of an accident, and more of a deliberate act. His twin’s ‘persona’, Adam Kadmon, was key in stabilising the path and the fragile divider between worlds. 

Finally, they found a world that still suffered under an unfair reality. Once the path was stable, they crossed over, and into a graveyard -- infront of their own grave stone.

“ How?” He gasped, after a moment, stepping away and wiping away the stream of blood from their nose, “ This -- Did we die in this world?”

#f: para #c: appleyjuiceboy #v: canon; my mirror #p5r spoilers

[idealnreal]

@appleyjuiceboy​ /

Consciousness meant nought to them, for they were ever awake in their dreams. And in dreams they have always existed, for their dreams were the foundation for reality itself . 

At times, their dreams would be shared with one other. A human they have chosen to share their form. Takuto Maruki, this man is named -- but it mattered not to them -- for in dreams this man became in distinguishable from them. They were he. They were all. 

This human had impressed them, for throughout the entirety of the universe and it’s existence, Azathoth had not found a mortal so able to comprehend and to bear the weight of their being. Most would have been consumed by madness, by the faintest of whispers -- waking screaming and tearing out their flesh. No, this man, was a worthy conduit.

And their time was nearing.

They dreamt of wars in far away galaxies, the rise and fall of empires -- the births, the deaths of all living things. And in each and every instance, the culmination of all became one in their dreams. Hope became despair, became the pain of giving, became the pain of losing, joy and torment. They became each one, thousands, millions, billions. Endless and timeless.

( You understand, do you not? )

#(( hi I lov u and would sticky a leggy out for u #(( eyebrow waggles #(( also have some azathoth #(( I can't compare to lovecraftian writing but I made an ATTEMPT #c: the other #f: para #v: canon #c: appleyjuiceboy

[idealnreal]

@appleyjuiceboy /

“ This is our apartment, number 37. This will be your home for a while, Akiyo-chan,” She smiled at the girl, then nodded at the social worker, “ Please stay for some tea, Tanaka-san,” Rumi unlocked the door and stepped inside, slipping out of her shoes. 

“ Mmm, I smell lunch. Takuto? Aza? We’re here,” She showed both her guests to the sitting room, “ Is green tea okay, Tanaka-san?”

Ms. Tanaka set the girl’s bag down, smiling cheerfully, “ Yes, thank you. And Akiyo-chan would you like anything?,”

The girl shook her head, and Rumi chirped, “ I’ll bring some juice boxes over, and you can pick okay?”

#f: para #c: appleyjuiceboy #v: canon

[idealnreal]

"Hey other me, are you doing OK-- oh."

“ A-ah,” They looked up. Was their twin always so tall? “ I ... I dont know what happened. I’ve been turned back into a child,” They felt their cheeks flush and the fumbled with their glasses, “ M-maybe something went wrong in this reality?”

#c: appleyjuiceboy #appleyjuiceboy

[idealnreal]

@appleyjuiceboy / 

#(( i forgot i had this #(( offended face #c: appleyjuiceboy #f: likes #c: the self

[idealnreal]

"Hey... hey, are you doing OK?"

@appleyjuiceboy​ /

They had returned to the core of their reality, the gloomy chamber in which they had woven a new reality together. Their physical form had started trembling as soon as they had arrived. 

Those bastards deserved it, they thought as one -- and the world around them started to shift and ripple.

Both master and dog were gone now. No, not dead. There was a madness worse than death -- the madness of their true song, the madness of the never-ending silence between worlds.

A voice, so familiar. Their brother and reflection. Why will they not stop shaking? “ They hurt Rumi. I made them pay,“ The shaking got worse and his eyes began to sting, and his voice could only manage a thin whisper, “ It was my fault -- they were after me. Not Rumi or her parents. Me,”

#c: appleyjuiceboy #appleyjuiceboy

[idealnreal]

Please overanalyze the shadows in his palace I am begging you.

@appleyjuiceboy​ / jester owns my braincells of course i would do this for u

Okay so i think its best if i go about the order of shadows we meet in the game so. I’m not going to go into the persona/shadows in maruki’s palace. I’ll leave that for some other day. Now! Lets hope i can remain fully coherent.

1) The fluffy haired noodle shadow we meet for (ka)sumi’s awakening

First off, look at the design of this shadow--it has the fluffy hair parted to the right like maruki, its androgynous figure, and that swirly face mask as well! The mask has two eyes, and it even looks like theres a smile there, lopsided. 

We have never seen any other palace shadow taking a similar shape as the palace ruler (except maybe the yaldaboath palace). Shadows are meant to emulate what the ruler thinks of as protectors of their heart. Maruki doesn’t trust anyone other than himself with this secret. And particularly at this phase of his distortion -- there are no scientists, to attendants, no patients. Just an empty, beautiful palace -- with possibly only one type of shadow and protector. The type that represents himself. 

(Also androgynous/nb maruki confirmed ?? yes)

Okay then lets look at what this shadow says to Kasumi.

Shadow: ... Heresy. You dare to spurn our lord’s mercy. Accept yourself... Our lord laments the foolishness birthed from your pain.

Having the context that Kasumi is Sumire here ... Because this scene comes about because Kasumi sees a cognitive version of herself (Sumire) blaming herself -- and so, a part of her is probably trying to remember that she is Sumire. Thus ‘spurn(ing) our lord’s mercy’. And yeah accepting herself as Kasumi instead of trying to remember that she is Sumire. 

But most important is the fact that Maruki’s palace shadows refer to him as a religious or god-like being (’our lord’s mercy’ calling back christian themes). Someone who is merciful and, most of all, does feel grief over one’s pain. Painting an ideal picture of a loving and caring god, ala abrahamic religions. This is a running theme with all the shadow’s dialogs. Let’s put a pin in this for now. 

These design shadows are seen again later in the container room of the palace. They’re slightly faster. The container room is a strange one -- because it doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the laboratory/hospital/garden of eden thing going on.  While yes labs and hospitals do have storage areas, i cant imagine them being a container warehouse like this. I do headcanon that this is a storage area for the pain and suffering that Maruki has taken on from other people in order to heal them, due to his hyper empathy -- but i’ll analyse the room some other time. For now it’s interesting that the Maruki-like shadows are now relegated to this specific and really dark section of the palace.

Like the throne room/centre of eden that the Maruki boss fight takes place in -- He resigns himself to the darker gloomier parts of his palace. And the same goes for these shadows. This is where he belongs. 

Also abso-fucking-lutely we’re going to talk about how this shadow transforms when it ambushes you:

Skin suit opening up to reveal fangs and rows of teeth, and a formless monster inside. Maruki ... dude ... are you okay? If these shadows are meant to emulate him -- is this how he sees himself sometimes? HHh boy...

2) First lab coat wearing shadow at the start of his palace investigation

Prior to this, while we understood that Maruki was a researcher, it was never a defining feature of him. Like the first thing that came to my mind on Maruki was that he was just the school counsellor and snack purveyor. Now this entire researcher, scientist, side of him is in full display. And this is the most common type of shadow we see, some which are violent, and others are non violent. Maruki sees scientists as the main residents of his palace -- his drive towards investigation and discovery, to puzzling out the intricacies of the human heart, human mind, and human pain. To better further his ability to heal. But there’s also a sort of cold, methodical nature to these scientists. Their ‘healing’ is methodical, based in science.

This coupled with the religious reverence and ideology that their dialog suggests, is a nice contrast. Experiments, data, research, are people’s salvation. Not the simple belief of a deity or of a higher purpose -- but science. Science, in many ways, becomes part and parcel of their religious belief.

Shadow: Those guises ... You aren’t among those who desire salvation. Leave. You are unwanted intruders. Do not disturb our lord’s research-- this world’s salvation. Why do you willingly strive for self-suffering? Why are you reaching out to your own pain?

So here -- the shadow wants them to leave the palace well enough alone. To leave Maruki to his research, and to allow this reality to exist. They don’t want this to end violently and it seems like they’re okay with the trio not ‘desiring salvation’. And when the trio refuse to leave, the shadow asks them why they want to suffer. It’s something inconceivable to them. Maybe even challenging their resolve-- to reconsider their current path, which will only lead to more pain. Also ‘salvation’, ding, on the christian theme counter. Deliverance from above from sin, even redemption. Not for one person, but for the whole world. 

We see this type of shadow again before the scene in the auditorium. 

Shadow: You are misguided. Do not search for pain. Only tragedy awaits you beyond here. [After defeating it] Such a fool, rejecting our lord’s mercy. In that case -- witness it for yourself.

Same themes. Delicious. Lets move on now shall we.

3) Hastur -- the shadow that appears with Maruki at his reveal as his second-in-command / bodyguard

I don’t think i’ve talked about how much i love the lopsided smiles on these masks. Because i love it. it’s just the right amount of unsettling and creepy. fUCk. And the twitching, twisting, and the weeping blue paint that Hastur’s shadow form does before transforming is /chefs kiss. I wanted more.

Anyway, onto Hastur’s design. Not a labcoat this time, just an ordinary looking white suit with no tie. This is the only time we see Maruki have a bodyguard shadow -- something else he relies on. Hastur’s presence in this scene only shows how deeply afraid and uncomfortable Maruki actually is with intruders in his palace. This experience is a reminder that someone had come into Rumi’s parents house to kill him years ago (a theory for another time). Like that incident years ago, he doesn’t resort to violence here -- he did and does try to negotiate. But when that didn’t work, at least now he has something that can fight for him. 

( It is only in the second infiltration when we see Maruki actually take a more active role -- but I won’t get to that here. )

Hastur: Stubborn imbeciles, rejecting our lord ...

There is a running theme here, unfortunately. The shadows again cannot comprehend why anyone would choose to reject Maruki’s salvation, why anyone would choose suffering. And words like ‘foolish’ ‘misguided’ and finally ‘imbeciles’ here are all used to describe those who choose to reject it. While i do think Maruki only bends reality if the person wishes it (subconsciously or consciously), and does accept that there are people who won’t accept their wishes being granted and is aware of the reasons why-- He cannot fully understand or emphatise with it. 

4) These deformed Maruki-like shadows guarding the control room

Jesus christ above, i don’t like these, because they contrast with all other designs as these are more brutish and deformed. There’s used as gatekeepers at certain points of the palace, in the first control room, and later on in the brain-pod-room (my brain cells are stopping to work now excuse me) before the garden puzzle portion, at his final will seed and the entrance to the garden of eden.

We know Maruki isn’t a brute strength kinda person. And yet we see these few who’s only purpose is to defend certain things and areas with force. Its uncharacteristic, but at the same time, given the things that these shadows are defending -- it makes sense. No cunning, no wit, no negotiation, no compassion -- just forcefully defending very important parts of his heart and his work. 

Shadow (at the control room): So you dare defy His Excellency. You shall not interfere with our master’s work!

Shadow (brainwash room): Foolish rebels! You won’t take one step past here!

Shadow (entrance to garden of eden) : You?! I can’t believe you’ve made it so far ...

I had to do a double take on this. I think this is the only time this title ‘His Excellency’ has been used in the palace. While it is used for catholic bishops and that sort -- its mostly used in the context of heads of state, ambassadors-- more secular roles. The other times this shadow speaks is also similarly less reverent, less religious orientated. Of course this makes sense if the only function of these shadows is to use force to defend. They’re not the scientists or the first maruki-imitation shadows -- they’re not as devoted, and they dont have to be. 

5) Finally, these limbless noodles

This one is found during the horticulture portion of the palace. I can’t exactly figure out why. And as far as i can tell, they only appear in this portion of the palace.

As far as the design goes -- these are probably the most unhuman like. Slender, androgynous with only a mask. I’ve got nothing. Braincells ran out. Sorry!

(Haha androgynous maruki go brr)

SO! That’s it. thanks for coming to my ted talk and following me down this rabbit hole. I need to go and drink some fuckin tea. 

#(( jester being a real bro here #(( enabling me and my insanity #f: notes #c: the self #takuto maruki #(( slides this into the main tag #appleyjuiceboy #p5r spoilers