#but............ i don't think it's just luck anymore
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🗒 ꒰⸝⸝₊ General Dating Headcanons ❛ ✧
Featuring: Astarion, Gale, Wyll & Halsin
# Note: content warning for very brief talk of abuse and general trauma
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🌿┊ASTARION
Talk about touch and attention starved. This guy wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it hit him in the face. Whenever you're nice to him or touch him without any innuendo, he's on edge. You must want something from him. Why else would you be doing this? It doesn't make sense.
Speaking of which, touching him out of nowhere usually doesn't end well. He has a tendency to flinch. He cackles and says he just thought he saw a bug, "Silly me," but you both know better than that.
He grows used to it, however. It just takes some warming up to. Eventually, the discomfort fades, replaced by a yearning so strong he swore he felt his heart beat again. When his brain realizes you don't want to hurt him and it's safe to be around you, he starts craving more contact. He's too prideful to ask, but he's not good at hiding it, either.
He loves any kind of compliment, don't get him wrong, but the ones that have nothing to do with his appearance seem to stick more. He's heard every single little praise possible for his face and body — but for his personality? For his mannerisms? If it ever happened before, he can't remember it.
Insists he doesn't like cuddling and only does it because you want to. But the one night you didn't, you woke up to him clinging to you anyway. He said he must've done so in his sleep, completely ignoring the fact elves can't sleep. Deception: critical failure.
Surprisingly protective. If you get hurt during a fight he goes ham on the enemy while yelling for someone else to take care of your wounds right now. He lost everything he had after Cazador — lost even himself to the hands of that sick, wicked man. He can't afford to lose you too.
The relationship started with him trying to manipulate you, sure, but that's not the case anymore. He cares. He genuinely cares for something other than himself for the first time in two centuries, and he's scared you still think you're being tricked by his charms. Again, he's too prideful for constant displays of affection, but he does say "I love you" more often than ever. Maybe if he says it enough times, you'll believe it.
He stares a lot. There's just something so endearing about seeing you in your own little world, oblivious to everything else, or at least oblivious to his gawking. It's the most honest part of you, the most yourself you could be, and he enjoys it from afar.
🌿┊GALE
So needy. You leave him at camp for a few hours and you come back to him acting like he needs to be sent to the seaside for his health. A year of living as a hermit does things to a man's necessities for attention.
Loves your scent. He doesn't share his clothes with anyone (that fabric is expensive, dammit), but he insists you wear them so that they smell like you later.
Despite being a cat owner, he's very dog-coded. Will do things with the sole purpose of receiving praise or kisses from you and gets extremely pouty when he doesn't.
Speaking of kisses, he takes any excuse conceivable to kiss you. Good morning, good night and good luck kisses are very much mandatory. Doesn't even have to be on his lips, he's more than satisfied with a cheek or forehead kiss as well.
He enjoys being taken care of, even if he complains. When you scold him for not sleeping over some ancient tome, he can't help but feel loved. Will return the favour, of course — especially if it comes to food. He's very insistent with the "three meals a day" thing.
Will read to you, there's no way around it. It's relaxing for both of you, so he doesn't see why he shouldn't. He also says he can pay attention better to the text when he says it out loud, anyway. You having your head on his lap as he does it is merely a bonus.
🌿┊WYLL
If this man has any flaw, it's that he's always trying to make every moment you spend together perfect and forgets to just lay back and enjoy himself. Even then, he only does it because of how much he loves you.
The last romantic! Goes all out with dates and gifts — fancy restaurants and the biggest bouquets you've ever seen. Money is no object when it comes to you. Truly a good old-fashioned lover boy.
Definitely has a saviour complex — the type to say "I can fix them" unironically. He just loved you and wants you to be okay, and if he has to drag you there himself he will.
Will go on rants about how smitten he is with you and how perfect you are on a daily basis. If you have to leave for the day, he'll write it as a love letter instead.
Always holding you close, but there's no possessiveness to it. It's a display of affection, not ownership. He's yours as much as you are his.
Loves taking showers together. Not for any sexual reason (though he wouldn't complain if things ended up going down that path), he just finds it incredibly intimate and genuinely enjoys washing your hair for you.
You're not just another romance to him — you're the love of his life, the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, if the gods allow it.
🌿┊HALSIN
Despite the whole "Desire flourishes wherever it finds purchase" thing, he genuinely doesn't see himself falling for anyone else as he did for you. It's nice to know he could still indulge if he wanted, but for now, he doesn't.
Loves having his hair played with. There's just something so soothing about it. Or maybe it's his wild shape talking, asking for pets. We'll never know.
Always finds an excuse for you to sit on his lap. Again, not for sexual reasons, he just likes wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on your head or shoulder.
Even though he isn't one for commitment, he has a constant, extremely severe case of baby fever. He obviously wouldn't push you if you're not ready, but he does make his sentiments on the matter known.
Stepping dangerously close to smut territory with this one, but he loves how small you are compared to him. The way he engulfs you entirely when he hugs you or how your hand disappears under his as he holds it — it's endearing to him.
I cannot go without mentioning how good his hugs are. Like, seriously. He's so warm and gentle but still strong and it makes you feel safe. It's the best thing in Faerun.
Loves how you look like wearing his clothes. It ties into the size difference thing, since they just look huge on you. Also, much like Gale, he has a thing for your scent, so there's really no downsides.
#bg3#bg3 x reader#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate 3 x reader#astarion x reader#gale dekarios x reader#gale of waterdeep x reader#wyll ravengard x reader#halsin x reader#bg3 headcanons
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(Translation) Kagari's Hobby [Lv. 6 Bond Story]
Kagari: [jumpscare] Boo!
Choices
1) ......
2) You can't scare me anymore, you know.
3) I'll get mad next time you scare me.
> ......
Kagari: Sure you want to ignore me? At this rate, it'd be a swift stab in the back, right through the heart.
Kagari: Didn't you ever learn it's dangerous for a woman to walk alone at night? You've done such a good job of living up until today. Do you really want to die?
> You can't scare me anymore, you know.
Kagari: Who's the one jumping away like a rabbit at the sound of my voice? You are.
Kagari: Want to try jumping again?
> I'll get mad next time you scare me.
Kagari: I'm curious to see if you get angry, too... I'm half-joking, no need to get so sulky.
His answer after the choices section
Kagari: Yeah, I was climbing the tree because it's my hobby.
Kagari: I like having the bird's-eye view. And it's just as good for clearing my thoughts and emotions for a bit.
Kagari: ......
Kagari: And then you happened to come by. [Gets pensive] ...Is this what good luck looks like? A sudden stroke of luck?
Kagari: No, it's nothing. I was just thinking you seem as defenseless as ever, looking like someone could just abruptly cut you down. Don't worry about it.
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Disclaimer: I just throw stuff into translators online, so expect mistakes
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Chapter Seventeen: Don't Forget Me
Gates Of Hell
Word Count: 9.2k
Warnings: mentions of death, violence, claustrophobia, lotsssssss of angst - i am the real monster, gun use,
steve is adorable as usual and y/n is... she needs help, my girl is going through it
[A/N: It's 3am and I thought it was a great time to rewrite the ending so if it's bad, that's why. In all seriousness, I am so thankful to everyone who has an insane amount of patience. I am currently on my last few months of uni so it's been hectic but I do still love writing this fic, I just haven't had time :( I hope the weeks of waiting were worth it?
To sum up this chapter... I have officially decided I am incapable of happiness... anyways, enjoy!]
Don't Forget Me
The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me. The pattern is me.
Ever since those words slipped from your mouth, the realisation was striking the remaining tethers to your sanity.
The radio had cut out a while ago, leaving a long strand of frustrating static in the air. You couldn’t find yourself to care about that right now. Something wants you here. Why?
As it turns out, you weren’t the only one wondering.
“This monster is running around making gates, and following you? Why you?” Steve had attempted to reclaim the radio signal once it had blared incomprehensible static, but he had no such luck. Instead, he turned back to you, feeling sick at the haunted look on your face.
“I don’t know.” You say quietly, staring down at the damp map lying on the rocky floor in front of you.
“It doesn’t make sense.” Steve states, squinting at the small building your finger currently rested on.
“I’m aware of that.” You sigh, rubbing your temple.
“But you still think you’re the pattern we can’t quite figure out?”
“I don’t know, Steve!” You suddenly snap before the colour drains from your face. You didn't mean to do that. “Sorry. It’s just… it’s too specific to only be a coincidence. I just don’t know why.”
Steve slowly nods, cautious of the way you were tucking your hands into your sleeves, obviously trying to hide their uncontrollable shaking.
“Is it to do with the virus?” He asks, the question tasting like poison on his tongue.
The virus is almost covering you now, creeping up your jaw. You couldn’t hide it if you tried, and Steve had already seen it. Already the venom was influencing you more than you had expected.
“I don’t think so.” You shake your head, mindlessly flexing your fingers.
“Then what’s different?” He looks at you with a soft frown, a look you’ve seen more in the past few days. “If not the virus, what else could it possibly want with you?”
You start to shrug, conditioned to feel like you were in the dark. Since finding the others in the lab, it had become increasingly clear that you were an outsider to their heroic group. You weren’t there when El was first discovered, completely unaware that the small girl adopted into your family was a superhero in her own right. You didn’t fight a demogorgon, or protect the kids from danger, and you especially didn’t save the world.
But this wasn’t about them anymore. This was about you. Your connection. And with all you’ve been through in the last month, you’re the only one who could solve this mystery.
Your breath catches in your throat and Steve finds your eyes, questioning.
“The dust…”
The giant shadow of a monster you had seen before was looming over what used to be the police station. It didn’t have eyes, nor even a face, but you knew it was looking directly at you.
And you felt paralysed.
You watched as it held out an arm… or was it a leg? Whichever, it pointed at you, something fluttered around its shape. Some kind of dust. Black dust.
Everything in you told you to run, but you couldn’t move even if you wanted to. The dust approached closer, slithering along the ground like vines. And you stared, heart jumping into your throat…
Wisps of wind trailed past your ears, unheard from the heartbeat thrumming against your eardrums until it became louder. It wasn’t just wind… it was voices. Incomprehensible murmurs swirling around you.
Until it wasn’t so incomprehensible any more.
“Tell her”
“Dust?” Steve frowns, tensing his shoulders. “You mean the Mind Flayer?”
“That night the shapeshifter separated us.” You start nodding, absent-mindedly moving closer to him. “I remember escaping the arcade and then…”
“Then?” He prompts, a hushed tone to both of your voices despite the privacy of the rocky ledge.
“I saw the Mind Flayer.” You say and he feels a chill run down his spine. “It- I couldn’t move. And these, like, scary images were in my head before I had this really intense nightmare. The next thing I knew, you were there and I wasn’t stuck anymore.”
“You were in some kind of trance. It took me a while to get you out of it.” He recalls, nodding slowly. Even the memory made his stomach clench. “What did you see? The images?”
“Hawkins.” You lower your eyes, slumping back against the hard rock, “It was… it was like it was on fire. Nothing looked the same. There was this giant gap and-and so many monsters. People… bodies.”
“An apocalypse.” Steve finishes for you and you nod your head, eyes squeezed shut.
“If we don't stop whatever it is opening these gates, Hawkins is going to burn.”
Your words struck a chill down his spine, the fear in your eyes evident even as you try and avoid looking towards him. There was a scared determination in the way you started down at the map. It was almost as if Steve could feel the waves in your brain radiating with an idea.
That's cute, Steve thought as you bit your lip in concentration. Adoring you felt better than the dread of an apocalypse.
“I'm going to the motel.”
Steve’s head almost snapped off his neck in the miniscule amount of time it took him to react, staring at you like you were crazy. You are crazy.
“Are you crazy?!”
He expected some sort of retort, or an ounce of an amused grin on your lips. But you only nodded.
“We know this thing is there. If I can catch it, kill it, whatever, I can save whoever is left. This is my chance to stop it.”
You were being reasonable, offering a calm take on the situation with a decision you were ready to face. Steve, on the other hand, took your proclamation as an act of war.
“If you think for one second I’m gonna let you get yourself killed, you’re outta your mind.” He says with a stern face, prompting your brows to scrunch together.
“Funny, I don’t remember asking for your opinion.” You shot back and he shakes head in disbelief.
“Y/n, this isn’t just some fun little holiday where you can do whatever you want. You’re gonna walk into a literal death trap!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but the panic was already settling in and taking control.
“There is something there that’s been following me, following us! Don’t you want to figure it out? End all of this?!”
“Whatever it is has been managing to rip a gap between worlds with its mind! It’s mind, Y/n!” He stressed, expressing himself with his hands, “I don’t want to be on the receiving end of that and neither do you!”
“What does it matter? I’m dead either way!”
You can see him pale in front of you, sucking in a breath.
“Don’t say that.” He whispers out, a quiver in his bottom lip and you hate yourself. Why did you have to hurt the people you loved?
“It’s true, Steve. I’m already out of time.” You tilt your head, a clash of lightning above illuminating the veins that slithered along your jaw. “I want to find whatever it is poisoning our town and I want to destroy it before…”
“Before what? It spreads to other towns?” He frowns, running a hand through his hair. “It’s made it pretty clear it only wants Hawkins-”
“Before it gets you.” You finish, staring up at him. If you looked in his eyes any longer, you would see your reflection, a reminder of what he was scared to lose, but that you were willing to sacrifice.
“We know there’s a pattern. And now we know it’s me. And… and I don’t know why, but it wants me. This virus is barely hours away from reaching my brain and honestly now is the perfect time to finally figure all this shit out and face it.”
“And if you get killed?” His voice cracks and you bite your lip, pretending like you didn’t know the answer when all you could think about for the past three weeks was the inevitable.
“Like I said,” You gulp, forcing yourself to hold eye contact. “I’m already out of time.”
“What about your dad? Robin? All of those little shitheads who clearly adore you-”
“They don’t need me, Steve.”
“I do.”
“No you don’t.” You shake your head, tears pooling in your eyes. “You’ve been doing this shit long before I was ever in the picture. If anything, I’ve just ruined it-”
“Why do you do that?” He cuts you off, flickering between your eyes with a look of concern. “Act like you aren’t someone important, when you most definitely are.”
“Steve-”
“No, I wouldn’t have survived this thing without you here. Neither of us would have survived...”
When his voice trails off, you watch him scrunch his face and take a deep breath. He walks away from you, running a hand through his hair. He was thinking, struggling to make a decision. But he always did, and it was always the right one.
“You’re not going to listen to a word I say, are you?” He asks, glancing over his shoulder. You silently shake your head, seeing no reason to prolong this fight. “Fine.”
“Fine?” You repeat, unsure you heard him right.
“I can’t stop you.” He shrugs, sniffing back the emotions lingering at the back of his throat. If he couldn’t convince you, he would just have to make sure you knew you weren’t alone. “But I can help.”
“Wait, no-”
“What? You want me to just sit around on this rock wondering if my girlfriend’s gonna make it back alive or if that’s the last time I’ll ever see her?” Steve lets out a breathy laugh, clicking his tongue. “No, I’m going with you. We do this together or there’s no point doing it at all.”
A flash of surprise hits your face as Steve breathes heavy, not giving you another second to try and convince him to let you go. You had to understand that he couldn’t. He couldn’t let you go. No matter how many times he lived through that scenario in his head, replaying the scene as if you disappearing would leave his heart intact, he just couldn’t do it. Steve knew it was foolish to expect a different ending, but surely he was allowed to have hope.
Was it hope?
Or was it something he refused to see for what it truly was?
A delusion.
“If this thing is really opening the gates, why don’t we, like, make it open another one?”
Steve’s question hangs in the air when he shakes the thought away, realising the obvious answer before the last word even left his lips.
The ground coughed out a soft crunch beneath your footsteps, trailing beside Steve through the twisted crops of Merril’s farm. Even in the Upside Down, the field didn’t differ visually from the real thing. You remember when the crops started to degrade, Merrill grumbling about his neighbour poisoning them. The dispute had been entertaining to you. But now you knew the truth, it didn’t seem so funny anymore.
“Shit.” You curse under your breath as you trip over a vine, managing to regain your balance.
“What’s wrong?” Steve is by your side at an instant, brown eyes laced with worry scanning you.
“Nothing, just tripped.” You dismiss, frowning at the vine behind you. A shudder rolls down your back when you think you can see it moving, but the clash of lightning above was probably playing tricks with the light.
As you go to take another step, your vision blurs. You try and blink it away, rubbing at your eyes. There’s an unsettling rush of heat beneath your skin, scorching your nerves. It should be cause for panic. But you’ve been through this before. Your only fear was knowing you weren’t hiding it anymore.
“Woah, woah, woah.” Steve quickly grabs onto your shoulders and you blink as he catches you before gravity took you victim. You didn’t even realise you were falling. “Hey, you okay?”
No. Steve already knew that. How could you possibly be okay when the virus was slowly closing in on you?
“Just… give me a minute.” You catch your breath, trying every technique to stabilise your heart rate as you fall into a squatted position. You hated that this thing was slowing you down, and you hated being out in the open like this, knowing that because of you, the both of you were going to be in more danger than necessary.
Steve stands by your side, slowly sliding the bag from his shoulder to fish out his bat, hand wavering over the metal weapon resting below. No. That was for emergencies. This was just his paranoia setting in.
“Nice day, huh?” Steve offers when the silence became unbearable, making you laugh. He smiles. He loved making you laugh.
“I’ve seen worse.” You reply, standing back up and taking another breath, slow and easy. “Okay, I think I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“M-hm.” You nod, a small smile gracing your face as you adjusted your bag and found rhythm between your footsteps once again.
It was getting scarier, the time between your virus lapses decreasing more and more. You weren’t ready to turn into one of those things. No one could be.
How would I stop myself from killing?
Your eyes drift over to the boy next to you, his admirable determination guiding you both through the farm like it was his life’s mission.
What if you took his life?
You snap your head away, focusing on your breaths. One breath in. Hold. One breath out.
Will I have to watch myself murder innocent people?
One breath in. One breath out. One breath in-
“Y/n?”
Sometimes the dim light of the Upside Down was a blessing. The low exposure shielded you from seeing the way he looked at you; with concern, sadness, pity. You found it hard to be so vulnerable like this. You didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. You barely allowed yourself to be perceived unless it was for all the wrong reasons.
It was a stupid stupid habit to bear such hatred towards yourself for feeling. But this is how you been for years now. You weren’t sure how to be any other way.
“You’re suspiciously quiet.” Steve comments, attempting to lighten the dreary mood. “Not that I’m complaining. Finally, some peace.”
“Rude.” You reply almost instantly, unable to resist the smile pulling at your lips.
Steve hated how dark it was in the Upside Down. Without much light, he was unable to study your features in times like this, to watch the joy return to your eyes after weeks of torment.
But even in the dark, he knew exactly how much hurt you were hiding beneath that worn-out mask of yours.
“Seriously. What’s on your mind?” Steve asks you as he scrunches his face in disgust as the tip of his shoe brushes against the pile of inedible black mush that once was a pumpkin.
“Other than monsters, the apocalypse, and my general state of being?” You smirk at him, but he already sensed your hesitancy.
“Yeah, the important stuff.” He shrugs with a chuckle.
I’m scared if you don’t run away, I might hurt you.
You shake your head free of intruding thoughts, focusing on the ones that sparked unusual butterflies in your stomach.
“What? You want me to just sit around on this rock wondering if my girlfriend’s gonna make it back alive or if that’s the last time I’ll ever see her?” Steve lets out a breathy laugh, clicking his tongue. “No, I’m going with you. We do this together or there’s no point doing it at all.”
“Um, you said something earlier. Back at the quarry.” You force yourself to keep walking, trying to hide the smile in your voice.
“Like what?” He blinks innocently. A jolt of anxiety rushes through your brain.
Oh god, what if he didn’t mean it? He could have just gotten confused, or caught up in the intensity of it all and you were about to embarrass yourself for ever thinking differently.
As painful as it is, that option was probably the best one. Maybe then it’ll make it easier when the virus destroys you.
“You, um… you called me your… girlfriend.” You almost cringe trying to finish what you started.
Steve almost trips, looking like a deer in headlights.
“Oh. That.” Steve lets out a nervous laugh, running a hand through his hair. “I, uh… you know, it was just, uh…”
“Heat of the moment?” You offer quietly and he clears his throat.
“Yeah, right. Heat of the moment.”
“Yeah, of course. That’s- that’s what I thought it was.” You shake your head, wanting to move on from this subject as quickly as you could. “Just wanted to be sure.”
“Would it… would it be so bad if it wasn’t just the, uh, heat of the moment?” Steve suddenly asks.
You go quiet. Too quiet. And Steve clicks his tongue.
“Oh.”
“No, I didn’t mean-” You scrunch your eyes shut, footsteps slowing to a complete stop. “It just doesn’t feel right to say it.”
“Doesn’t it?”
Of course it does. Nothing has ever felt more right in my entire life, you want to scream, seal it in stained ink. But you had to look at the reality. You were going to die. You just wanted to make it as emotionally painless as you could.
“We’re not… we aren’t meant to be together, Steve.” You lie straight through your teeth, avoiding his eyes.
Steve scoffs, a hand on his hips as he looks at you in disbelief. “Yes, we are.”
“No. We’re not.” You say with a little more conviction, shaking your head. “This. Us. It’s not… how do we even know it’s real?”
When you avoided his eyes for a little too long, his hands find your face, cupping your cheeks to gently tilt your head to look at him. You just softly take them away, but he never lets go of your hands.
“If the gates hadn’t opened that day in detention… we never would have even looked at each other again.” You say, sadness coating your voice.
“But it did happen. And I’m looking at you right now. We got through it. Together.”
“We survived together. We- we relied on each other because we literally had no one else to.” You frown, shrugging it away as if your own words weren’t hurting you. “We went through literal hell and that’s what we bonded over. We don’t- How can you say this is real when we’ve been faking it all since day one? Let’s just be honest, it’s not gonna go any further so let’s save us both some time-”
“You’re doing it again.” He interrupts, his gaze on you unwavering.
“I’m not doing anything-”
“You’re pretending like you don’t care.”
You don’t respond.
“I care. A lot. Probably too much for it to just be a- a survival bond or whatever you said. And it’s definitely not fake.” He lets out a soft laugh, heart racing faster. “Actually… I’m pretty sure I’ve never felt something so real with someone before. It’s like- like breathing. You know? I can’t breathe without your stupid cute little face in my head or your annoying voice making me feel calm, or-or even this right here, your delusional belief that someone can’t possibly be in love with you which makes me want to just shake it out of you because it’s true, Y/n. It’s real. I’m in love with you, okay?”
Your mouth parts in silence, just looking at him, stunned. You were only trying to convince some excuses, to try and make it easier when it all inevitably ends. But you hadn’t really taken into account how much you both felt. And now everything was going to be so much harder.
“So, uh, yeah.” He clears his throat, releasing you from his hold and shrugging. “Just accept it.”
You both stand there for a moment, reliving his words. I’m in love with you. Steve doesn’t regret it, but he starts to feel nervous the longer you don’t say something.
“Can you… can you promise me something?”
Steve holds his breath. He knows what you’re going to ask. And he knows that no matter how many times he runs through that scenario in his head, he never pulls the trigger. He won’t take your-
“Don’t forget me.”
It wasn’t the promise he was expecting, brows furrowing with the intention of your words. He just wants to hold you, yell at you until you understood he couldn’t leave you behind, he wouldn’t let the virus take you. He’d find a cure, make one if he had to.
But he didn’t have time to figure out where to start because he was suddenly very aware you were both out in the open. And something was rustling the leaves, watching.
He quickly raises his bat, eyes focused. He can just make out a shadow, making him squint. Probably just another demodog, nothing he hadn’t dealt with before.
Except it’s taller. Almost… human?
And then he sees the glowing eyes, the gaping mouth. It was the screaming monster from the Radio Shack.
“Steve?” You frown once you catch it too, looking at him, waiting for his call.
“Once it screams, we run. Every monster and their mother is gonna hear it, and we need to get out of the open, fast.” He hisses between his teeth as he watches the creature weave its way through the trees, drawing closer.
“And lead them all straight to the motel?” You whisper back at him, and his face pales. There goes that plan.
“Shit.”
“What about that house?” You suddenly ask, tilting your head to your left. “The huge one on that hill? It’s the opposite direction from the motel and the closest thing-”
“Oh, god, no.” Steve breathes out, shaking his head with determination. “Remember what Robin called it? You do not enter a house called the murder house. Especially when you’re being chased by murderous flesh-eating monsters!”
“It’s pretty much our only choice right now.” You stress, the small hairs on your arm prickling the closer the creature gets. “We run through, slip out the back, and tail it to the motel before it’s-”
If Steve had any objections, you never heard them. All you heard was the terrifying scream rippling from the unhinged jaw of a ghostly woman.
“Run, run!” You yell, already feeling the effects of an ear-splitting pitch.
Steve immediately grabs your hand and you run, blindly trusting the boy you had assumed your enemy for 4 years of your life.
He wasn’t sure if you’d both be able to get inside in time, fully away of the hoard of monsters emerging from the shadows and chasing you down. It was a risky bet, this house. But you were right. It was the only option.
If Steve wasn’t so adamant on moving fast, he might have felt the soft tug of your arm as your body struggles to keep up, the stretch of the hill proving the laws of physics were never your friend. As long as your hand was in his, you were going to be fine.
The harsh creak of rotten floorboards as Steve barrelled into the room echoed menacingly in his ear. He quickly dropped your hand, pulling you behind him and making haste of tugging a tall and heavy cabinet down so it blocked the entrance. It wouldn’t hold forever, but it would give you both enough time to slip out unnoticed.
“That should keep them back, we gotta-”
Steve expected to find your hand as he reached back for you, but the space was bare. He spins around, stomach lurching when he finds you’re already sat against the wall, looking worse every second.
“No.” He drops to his knees and cups your head in his hands when you struggle to keep it up, swallowing his anxiety, “No, hey, sweetheart, hey. Look at me.”
Your weary eyes meet his and his breath hitches. The black veins were now creeping up your cheeks, spreading quicker in the past few hours than they ever had before.
A sudden chorus of thumping snapped his attention, the barricade against the front door almost shattering under the weight of its attackers. It wouldn’t hold much longer. He knew you weren’t in any state to run to the motel, and he had to think fast.
Steve loops his arm around you and pulls you to your feet, muttering a string of apologies as you wince. His eyes catch the bleeding moonlight from above, enticing an idea.
It felt like your whole body was on fire, any movement contracting your muscles to pain until you could nearly faint. But you had to try, you had to move. For him.
He could sense your determination as he moved you both up the staircase, your legs wobbling but making it to the top in a timely fashion. His admiration would have to come later. Right now, he needed you both safe.
The hallway was long and dusty, Steve’s eyes barely adjusting to the darkness. He’s unsure where to go next, a lengthy display of doors scattered either side of him as he helps you walk further into the house. Maybe there was another-
A giant crash echoed out in splintered waves, dread flooding his body.
They were here.
Picking the closest door, he drags you both inside and takes care to shut it as quietly as possible, knowing one loud sound could be the end. His nerves were on high alert, struggling to make the life-saving decisions his friends usually expected from him. But the stakes were different this time. There was no one to bail him out if he makes the wrong move, no Nancy or Jonathan to come save the day. It was just him, protecting you.
The door had apparently led to a bedroom, his eyes scanning for a chair or a dresser to block- No. No. That would just make more noise- But what if they got in?
Hide. You need to hide.
Pulling you close to him, he spots a large closet on the other side of the bedroom. That would have to do.
It omitted a soft creak, making him grimace. He carefully lowers you down, noting how you were forcing yourself to breathe in even intervals. You were fighting it as best as you could, and that was all he could ask for.
As he joins you, he manoeuvres you so you were situated between his legs, knowing this would be the only way to ensure you both fit in the small space. His bat is digging into his side as his arms are wrapped around you, his back pressed against the side of the closet as he watches the bedroom door through the crack of light, holding his breath.
He couldn’t hear anything, but that was the scary part. He had hoped to hear the creatures crash through the ground floor and somehow be tricked back outside, relieving his mind with the knowledge he made the right decision.
The space was becoming all too small, even with the door cracked open. And that’s when the fear came creeping in.
What if a demogorgon found you?
What if it tracks your scent, follows the trail up the staircase, opens the third door on the left?
What if it stalks into the room and starts listening closely, hearing his quickened breaths of panic?
What if the last thing Steve saw was the thing ripping open the closet doors, a set of giant claws caging you in, knowing there was no escape?
What if you both died in here?
He exhales a long breath, fading back into reality when he feels something gently squeeze his hand. Your hand. You had intertwined your fingers with his, head laying back against hisshoulder, sensing his anxiety.
Steve had known he was claustrophobic for a while now. As a little kid, he remembers when he and his friends would play in the woods, a hollowed tree trunk on the ground marking the final destination of their adventure. That was the first time he felt fear, he thinks, curled up halfway through the tight space as his shirt was caught on protruding bark. He remembers his friends laughing and leaving to go find his parents when it became all too serious, assuming they had abandoned him there.
The tunnels were far worse than his 7 year old self’s nightmares. When the demodogs came barrelling towards them, his sudden realisation that he would be dragged back into those tunnels and left for dead, he had never felt so hopeless. He couldn’t even fight, not really. He could only attempt to shield Dustin with his body, and pray they made his death quick.
He never really knew how to get himself out of these situations. His parents had enticed him out with harsh words and false promises, eventually dragging him out by his arms when his mind couldn’t stop imagining the tree collapsing in on him. The demodogs hadn’t attacked in the end, sparing them with pure luck and giving him no time to reflect on his darker thoughts, the kids needing him more than he needed closure from himself.
But one single touch of your hand changed everything. No words, no rush. Just a reminder he was still here. And you were here with him.
He felt your body tense the moment the floorboards out on the hallway creak, just quiet enough to let him know the creature was trying to be silent. Something was looking for you.
The virus had taken its toll on you, the past few minutes of your life flashing by in a blur. You don’t even remember climbing into the closet, waiting in suspenseful agony for a sign that the coast was clear. But all of a sudden, you had finally returned to reality, feeling Steve’s erratic heartbeat on your back.
You almost flinched when you heard something bang against the bedroom door. It was sudden, ricocheting an echo of vibration through the floor. And then it was complete and utter silence.
You must have been shaking because Steve holds you closer, forcing you to take a few quiet breaths. You’d be okay. It will be okay.
Another sharp crash blares out, but it’s further this time. Whatever it was outside of that door was leaving, finally. But that didn’t stop you both from sitting there for a little while longer, afraid to move from the safety of the wooden walls.
It was you who made the first move to leave, shifting in his arms and pointing to the door. You had caught your breath now, shaking away the virus’ side effects with strength Steve could only respect.
Steve pushes the closet door open and you are finally back on your feet, offering a hand to pull him up with you.
“That was close.” He breathes out with a nervous chuckle, running a hand through his hair. He retrieves his bat from the wardrobe and turns around to see you’re stood still with a guilty expression on your face.
“I’m so sorry.” You whisper out, shaking your head. “We could’ve- it’s my fault.”
“What? No.” He crosses the room and pulls you into a hug, one you definitely needed. “No, it’s not your fault. None of this is.”
After a moment, he pulls away, sucking in a breath. “Now let’s get the hell out of here because this place is giving me the creeps.”
You nodded to his words, shivering as you observed the room you stood in. It looked like a master bedroom, possibly decorated for a couple to reside in. Everything was either covered in dust or cobwebs, a pang of sadness hitting your chest.
You knew the rumours of this place; a man going crazy and killing his entire family, their ghosts now haunting the place ready to collect more victims. But right now, you didn’t feel haunted.
A family had died here, the home clearly decorated with care and love from the people who never got a chance to live in it. And it has just been left like this, to wither and rot away.
Steve poked his head out of the door and listened out, making sure you weren’t just walking into a trap. He did the same as he leaned over the banister, clocking the wide open front door, now adorned in malicious claw marks.
“Fastest route?” He asks as you join him at the back of the house, squinting into the horizon.
There were only two options; along the road and out in the open, or through the woods with little to no light. You tried to think back to when you originally thought of the plan, retracing your steps.
“I’m thinking, uh…” Your voice suddenly cuts off and you turn to stare at him, a hint of a smirk on your lips. Steve frowns. “Do I remember you calling me sweetheart earlier?”
Heat rushes to Steve’s cheeks. “What? No. That would be weird. I don’t have a pet name for you. Or any name, actually. Other than your actual name. Maybe ‘asshole’. Not- not sweetheart- right, we’re cutting through the woods this way.”
He marches off before he becomes any more of a mess than he already is, hearing your laughter as it trails behind him.
“So… where the hell is this mysterious gate maker gonna be?”
You were both stood in the parking lot of Motel 6, eyes scanning each room as if a source of light would illuminate the monster you were hunting. If your theory was right, and it was all originating from here… how long has it been right under your noses?
“Maybe it’s like the gates.” You offer, shrugging. “What did Dustin say? In the heart, or something. The middle.”
“I hope not.” Steve states and you turn to where he was suggesting.
The heart of the hotel wouldn’t be one of the rooms, nor the office. And you had a suspicion Steve had thought correctly.
The basement.
Staring down at those two daunting metal doors, you feel your skin prickle. You take a glance over your shoulder, frowning.
In all three weeks you’ve been down here, you’ve never encountered a single monster at the motel. It had been a last minute resort for safety, ensuring you weren’t followed, picking room 303 as if it mattered. You were pretty good at sneaking around the place, but you never realised how truly odd it was that no monster ever followed you.
Maybe that answer was waiting for you behind those basement doors.
“Wait,” Steve gently places a hand on your waist as you move towards it, staring down with brown eyes of deep concern. “Are we sure we really wanna do this?”
“There isn’t another choice.” You say, yet you were still hesitant as you walked up to the doors, forcing each step you took.
No locks, no obstacles. Just a pair of metallic blocks on hinges. That felt worse somehow.
“If I had a nickel for every time I had to go down into a cellar to look for a monster…” Steve sighs to himself, catching your curious look. “Uh, I’d only have, like, two. But still. That’s two more than I should have.”
You can only nod in agreement, your breath caught in your throat.
Are we sure we really wanna do this?
The unsatisfying creak of metal echoes across the parking lot, Steve letting out a low whistle as he stares down into darkness.
“I’m sure this won’t be creepy at all.” He comments, taking the first step down before you had the chance. You’ve noticed that about him, always the first to enter an unknown room. A protector.
Light bleeds through a small window on the other side of the cellar. There was more space than you were expecting, but the strangest part was the fact there was nothing in here. Like it had never been used to store anything.
“It’s empty.” You announce, stood dumbfounded in the middle of the room.
“Maybe the landlord kicked it out.” Steve shrugs, silently relieved. He catches your fallen expression and places a hand on your shoulder. “Look, we’ll find another way.”
And then the basement doors swing shut, the sound rattling through the dark cellar at an alarming pitch.
“Shit!”
Steve drops his bat and rushes back up the steps to push against the metal doors. Nothing. He drives his shoulder into it. It doesn’t budge.
“How is it locked?!” He grunts, giving it one last try before backing away, shaking his head. “There wasn’t any lock on it!”
Your stomach drops.
You both freeze, turning once again to the singular door at the end of the hallway, a snarl vibrating through the wood of it.
The door you had walked through swung itself closed with a loud bang.
Spinning around with no intention of being here any longer, you reach out and pull the handle towards you.
It didn’t budge.
You grab the other handle in your spare hand and pull harder, the doors rattling under your force, but never opening.
“Billy!” You yell, but he’s already pushing against the doors, eyes wide. “It’s locked! How is it locked?!”
“Shit!” He hisses, turning to ram his shoulder against it for extra strength, but he couldn’t keep it up forever.
It was all happening again.
You had just walked into another trap.
“It’s here.”
As soon as the words leave your mouth, Steve is on high alert, frantically looking around the basement. But it’s still empty.
“Nothing is here, Y/n.” He frowns.
“Not on this side.” You gasp when something suddenly echoes in your ear. You look at Steve, startled, but he doesn’t share the same expression.
“What?”
“You didn’t hear that?”
“Hear what?”
You start moving around, trying to find a spot to make the incomprehensible whispers clearer. Steve’s heart is pounding louder.
“It’s that voice again.” You mutter to yourself.
“Voice? Y/n, you’re scaring me.” Steve manages to catch you for a split second, and you meet his eyes. His face drops.
The veins were creeping up your face, laying just beneath your eyes. He places a hand on your forehead. You’re burning up.
“Y/n, you don’t look so good.”
“It has to be here.” You shake your head out of his hold, stepping back. “The map- it has to be here!”
And then you hear it again, the voice. Except, this time, it’s so much clearer.
“Tell her”
You suddenly stop, letting out a gasp and Steve’s anxiety is sky-rocketing. You were both trapped inside this basement with something he couldn’t see.
He tries the doors again, thumping his fist against it like it would dislodge something. Nothing. Glancing over his shoulder, he clocks the window. Maybe…
Steve sprints over, dropping the bag off his shoulder and onto the floor beside him as he fumbles around for some kind of latch. Something rattles and he smiles. Bingo.
“Hey, we can get out through the window. Wasn’t rocket science, but I’m still a genius.”
He turns back to look at you over his shoulder, smiling. You’re currently near the far corner, your back facing him. You don’t seem to have heard him, breathing in odd intervals as you stare down at your hands.
“Y/n.” He tries again, louder. Your head twitches. Steve releases the latch on the window, fear flooding his entire body.
That same familiar feeling starts twisting in his gut, the same he always had when something is really really wrong. He never ignored it, never wanted to, because it was always right. But he didn’t want to believe it this time.
He slowly steps away from the window, his eyes permanently glued to the back of your head, feeling like he couldn’t breathe.
Trying again, his voice cracks under the pressure of speaking your name like it would warp the vicious reality he was living in.
“Y/n?”
You snap your head to him, and the colour drains from his face.
“No…”
He lost you.
The world bled to grey as tears start trailing from his eyes, staring into yours. Except, they weren’t yours. They were darker, soulless. Black blood was dripping from your chin, staining your lips.
Lips he had once kissed.
Lips he would never kiss again.
“Don’t do this.” He begs, unable to find the force to speak louder than a whisper. “Y/n, please. It’s not- I can’t hurt you. You know I can’t hurt you. Y/n...”
You snarled at him this time, your mannerisms unnerving. It wasn’t you anymore.
His eyes slowly drift to his bat, making him clench his jaw. It was closer to you than it was to him. He wouldn’t be able to reach it in time.
But he knew he wasn’t completely defenceless. He just wasn’t sure if he had the strength to use it.
You suddenly lunge at him and he instinctively dives for his bag, rolling away from your attack in the last second. He unzips it, staring down. He couldn’t do this.
Snarls and hisses spit from your mouth as you scramble up from the floor, blinking rapidly as you search in the dark.
Click.
Your whole body snaps to him in one sharp movement.
With a shaking hand, he stares directly into your eyes.
“Y/n, please.” He sobs, “Please, you have to be in there.”
Not even the mournful pressure against his chest felt as heavy as the gun in his hand, tears rolling down his face.
It was your idea to take a pistol from the cabin, knowing you couldn’t use it unless it was in moments of emergency, afraid the rippling sound of the bullet would alert every monster in the town. You both swore you’d never have to use it.
And here he was, pointing it directly at your head.
“Steve?” Your small voice prickles his hearing and he moves his gaze from your hands to your eyes, darting between the pupils in silent study. “If I… if it-”
“No.” He immediately shakes his head and you could almost sob. For what felt like days, you’ve been trying to have this conversation with him, but he always shuts it down, pretending like it wasn’t needed.
“You need to listen-”
“I am not killing you.” He says with conviction, and he feels your fingers slip out of his reach. “That’s not happening, Y/n, you can’t expect me to-”
“And what then?” You cry, standing taller, making his head crane to look up at you as you wrap your arms around your torso. “You’re just gonna watch me turn into a monster and let me stay that way?!”
“This isn’t just some sort of favour you’re asking for!” He frowns, shaking his head. “You want me to kill you. To end your life!”
He knew this was coming. You knew this was coming. You’ve been trying to warn him for weeks now, pleading to him. And he never listened. He never wanted to.
Three weeks ago, Steve would have shot you in that school hallway if you had turned after the bite, the memory bitter but his heart still intact.
Three weeks later, Steve would rather shoot himself then live with the memory of putting a bullet between the eyes of the girl he was in love with.
It can’t end like this. It can’t.
“It’s me.” He tries again, hoping his voice could break you free from the virus. “It’s me. Steve. Remember?”
He should have known hope was never his friend.
A voice completely alien to you rips out a screech from your throat, and hell comes to bludgeon him with the worst it had to offer.
Steve watches in horror as the skin starts peeling from your face, tearing it into pieces like a flower and its petals.
Like a demogorgon.
It was too late. You weren’t coming back to him.
You run at him, sharp teeth bared, mind forever gone.
Steve’s eyes shut…
… and he pulls the trigger.
“STEVE!”
Your throat was sore from relentless screaming, sobbing with your entire chest.
Steve had rushed over to the window just after you heard that voice. You had turned your back on him, distracted by what you thought was a shadow hiding in the walls.
You heard him call your name. But when you turned around…
His eyes were rolled back, stood deathly still.
“Steve! Wake up!” You keep trying to shake him out of his trance, watching as a trail of red bleeds from his nose. “No! No, wake up! Steve!”
More and more whispers echo around you, building up until all you heard were the same repeated words.
“What do you want?!” You scream into the dark, cheeks stained with relentless tears. Steve was dying, and you couldn’t do anything about it.
In a desperate attempt for help, you crouch down by the window and start rifling through his bag, batting the gun to the side to grab the radio.
“Hello?! Is anyone there?! Please!!”
You cry out in frustration when all that responds is the piercing static.
“That won’t help you.”
The radio slips from your hand in shock, clattering against the concrete as your wide eyes fixate on the image in the corner.
Something was forming from the shadows, pulling together pieces of the dark like it was dust. Your body floods with ice. The basement had never been dark. You were just surrounded by the same black dust that haunted every single nightmare.
Your shaking hands swipe the bat from the ground and grip it tight, shielding Steve’s body with your own. You hear his breaths become shallower.
“You were never meant to find me.” It spoke in a dark voice, fading in and out like a weak connection.
A gasp slips from your mouth when the particles build its final form. A silhouette of a man, featureless yet distinctive. Of all the creations you had envisioned, you didn’t expect the monster to be so… human.
A man.
“What do you want?!” You yell at it, raising the bat like it would scare it away.
“I tried time and time again to get you to understand.” He spoke, drifting closer to you. “I gave you the future. Visions. A simple task.”
Something like a sob escapes Steve’s lips and you whip your head to him, feeling completely and utterly helpless. You weren’t going to defeat the monster like you said you would. And now you were going to watch him die, knowing you were the only reason he was down here with you.
“It was the only way to make sure you listened.”
You turn back to the monster, a scowl twisting onto your face.
“Let him go.” You warn, but you knew your threat was meaningless.
“You have no power here.” He states, and you could almost feel the shadow smiling at you with malicious intent. “I make the rules.”
Goosebumps return to their path along your skin, trailing up your arms and prickling at your neck, making you shiver.
“I will let him go… Once you carry out one important task.” He nods, closer once again. You shift your body protectively in front of Steve, holding your breath.
“What…” You blink away tears, feeling suffocated by his presence.
You understood why the other monsters were so afraid of the dark.
Your arms didn’t feel attached to your body when they suddenly start to lower themselves, a shadowed hand reaching for your face.
“Bring me the girl.”
You frown, shaking your head. Girl?
As if he heard your thoughts, he leans close to you, speaking one word.
“Eleven.”
“El?” You gasp, and he steps away from you, observing. “Why- what do you want with her?”
“Bring her to me, and I will let him go.” The figure doesn’t answer your question, tilting its head. “Once you leave this place, you’ll find her, and you’ll bring her to me. That is all I want.”
“And if I don’t?” You raise your chin, regaining the feeling in your arms.
He slowly raises his hand, pointing it to the boy behind you. At first, nothing happened. And then you watch in despair as Steve’s body starts to slowly lift from the ground, a strained yell of pain.
“Stop!” You beg, and the shadow obeys, Steve’s feet touching the ground.
One little action and it was so simple it was terrifying. If you don’t bring El to him, he’ll kill Steve.
This monster knew you. It had been following you around since the dust you encountered, observing the things that made you tick, the things you loved, hated, needed. He knew exactly what would make you listen to him.
He was the Voice that had been haunting you for weeks.
You look back at Steve, almost crying out when you notice he’s lost more blood in the time you’ve taken to decide. You couldn’t do that to El.
But you also couldn’t watch Steve die.
“Fine.” You sob, nodding. “Just let him go.”
“You’ll know where to find me”
And then the shadow is thrown back into the darkness, hitting a wall and sinking back into it, dispersing the dust in scattered patterns on the surface.
Steve gasps behind you, and you spin around to catch him as he stumbles forward.
“Steve!” You cry in relief, wrapping your arms around him as he struggles to catch his breath.
“Y/n?” He sounds surprised, almost sad, observing every little detail of you as if he couldn’t decide if you were real. “Wait, you’re… what happened?”
“I-”
You try to reply when a loud hum starts building behind you, your attention needed elsewhere.
The middle of the wall starts to burn away, splitting apart and blackening at the edges. The humming only became louder, a dark red hue casting your shadows.
The Voice was creating a gate. For you. To pawn your sister’s life for Steve’s. Once you stepped through it, you’d be signing a death warrant.
If you stepped through it.
“What the fuck is happening…” Steve blinks at the gate, aware of the tightened grip your hand had on his.
In his vision, he had shot you. He had committed the most unspeakable act he had time and time again refused. The worst part of it, was he thought it was real. He made that decision.
But it was all a lie, and you were here, holding his hand with a look on your face he couldn’t decipher.
“You have to go.” You say to him, your words hazy to his ears. He still wasn’t entirely sure he was back in reality, struggling to make sense of the walls around him. “Steve, listen to me. You have to go.”
“No.” He shakes his head, trying to focus. “What about… what about you?”
A booming chorus of thumps against metal suddenly arose from the basement doors. Your stomach dropped.
The creatures weren’t afraid of the dark anymore.
When the gate had spread into a human-sized portal, you start pushing Steve towards it. His sneakers were just touching the edge before he realised what was happening.
“Hey, hey! No!” He stops, and you’re not strong enough to overpower him.
“Steve, you have to go! They’re gonna break through any minute!” You cry, watching the ever-growing dents in the metal above the staircase. “Please, you have to go!”
“I’m not leaving you, Y/n!”
“It’s already too late.” You sob, wiping away your tears. Tears that felt hot, burning against your skin.
The skin littered with black veins.
“I’m gonna turn any minute now.” You place your hands on his cheeks, making sure he was listening to your every word. “And I don’t want my last memory to be crossing back into our home knowing I won’t make it 5 steps before the virus kills me. Okay? So, you’re gonna go through the gate and you’re not ever gonna look back. Please. Don’t come back for me.”
“I can’t-” He cries and you bring his forehead down to rest on yours, nodding.
“I know.” You whisper, leaning forward to leave a feather-light kiss on his lips.
His eyes are still closed when you pull back, studying him one last time.
“Which is why I’m sorry.”
Steve’s eyes snap open just in time to watch your hands find his chest and shove him as hard as you can, his body ripping through the gate faster than he can experience.
His back hits solid concrete, making him groan. It takes a second for him to blink away the dots in his vision, slowly sitting up. He can see your figure clearly, your sad eyes, the smile gracing your lips.
And then the gate starts to sew itself shut.
Steve scrambles to his feet, tugging at the dangling pieces of membrane to try and stop the process.
“Y/n!” He yells at you, the unwelcome fear striking his nerves when he hears a loud crash from the other side.
Judging by the look on your face, it was exactly what he thought it was.
“No! No! Y/n!”
The gate is getting smaller, but his screams are only getting louder, fingers desperately trying to pry it open like a set of doors. But it was useless.
He can just make out a rush of silhouettes, your retreating form.
And then he was clawing at a concrete wall, body shaking with the intensity of his tears.
“No, no, no, no!” He yells in rage, his fingers scraped and bloodied.
For the last three weeks, all he wanted was to be on the other side. And now he was here, without you, it felt worse than hell.
He barely heard the creak of metal doors open behind him, or even saw his shadow suddenly cast onto the space he lost you forever.
Steve didn’t notice anything until a voice calls out behind him, causing him to turn and squint against the beaming light.
“Steve?” Hopper frowns, squinting. “Steve.”
He rushes down those steps and drops the flashlight, both hands on the boy’s shoulders.
“Hey, kid, you alright?” He asks, but Steve can barely speak. “Kid, look at me.”
Steve looked at him, a torn and broken version of the boy Hopper had seen last. He can feel Hopper’s hands tighten, a look of horror clouding his eyes.
“Where’s Y/n?”
Don’t forget me, you had said to him. A bittersweet promise of a memory.
Steve wasn’t ready to make you a memory.
“She’s still back there.” He finally said, swallowing the bitter lie that was about to coat his tongue. “We got separated.”
He lowered his eyes, unable to look at him, trying to ignore the guilt eating away at his chest. It was cruel, to lie to a father so desperate to get his daughter back. But he was afraid the truth would show you were like your father in more ways than one.
Steve needed to do this. No matter the consequences.
“She wants us to find her.” He finally says, nodding. “She wants us to bring her back.”
To be continued...
[A/N: GOH will return for yet another installment! I'm separating the story into parts so I can trick my stupid brain that only gives me writers block into thinking it's only a short story. I honestly plan for this to last forever. Or at least until I run out of ideas lmao.]
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#stranger things#stranger things x reader#fanfic#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x fem reader#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington x you#apocalypse au
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Back to Me
Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader
Word count- 5k
Includes- Angst, Fluff
Based on the song Back to Me by the Rose
Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa
@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13 @mknae-jongho @bykeynote
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Seonghwa POV
Sitting on the floor in front of her apartment door, I wait for her to come home
This is the only way I can see her, the only way I know to get her to talk to me
To get her back
Called me all day
But I never pick up
Instead of pulling my weight
Always pushing my luck
Our relationship was volatile near the end
It didn't start out that way
Meeting in high school, high school sweethearts
Falling completely in love
I finally had someone who loved me, who cared, who'd do anything for me
My childhood and teenage years were awful
My parents were complete assholes and abusive
But when I met her.....it's like everything fell into place
Everything was worth living for again
As long as she smiled at me, I was happy
As long as she kissed me, I was loved
As long as she held me, I was safe
As long as she loved me, I was worth it
Then we graduated
She went to college to become a teacher
I didn't go to college and started my string of dead end jobs
But we were still happy
We moved in together and everything was amazing
Until I started drinking
And kept on drinking
And I started treating her like crap
I'm a mean drunk and I fought with her all the time over nothing
Screaming matches, I'd make her cry then I'd leave, disappearing for days
She'd call me all day and I wouldn't pick up the phone
The times I did pick up was to yell at her to leave me alone
I'd flirt with other girls
I never cheated on her, I would never and even when I did flirt it was just to get drinks at the bar because I was always broke
Spending our money on alcohol
Money we needed for rent and bills
Money that she was making for us
You gave me all that I could take
Yeah, I took it all for granted
And through it all, she loved me
Accepted my apologies when I used to give them in the beginning
I'd cry, beg her to forgive me and she always did
After awhile I knew my sorries meant nothing because I kept doing the same things, so I stopped apologizing
Act like nothing happened whenever I came back home or woke up the next day
And she never said a word, never demanded an apology, just told me she loves me over and over
Offer her help which I accepted when I was sober and ignored when I was drunk
I took her for granted
I took her love for granted
I thought she'd always be there
And now she's not
I remember thinking
I don't need you
But then time passed by
And it's so untrue
Now I'm the rain over your parade
Reason you're over me
When we had fights and I was so incensed, I used to think I didn't need her
And when she broke up with me three months ago, I yelled in her face that I don't need her
After the break up I kept thinking, convincing myself, I didn't need her
I was better off without her
I didn't need her nagging
Didn't need her help she offered with my drinking problem
I didn't need her smile, didn't need her holding me
I didn't need her love
I was fine
But in the back of my head I knew it wasn't true
And as time passes I'm not denying that it's untrue anymore
I can't stop thinking about her
I miss her so much it physically hurts
It's killing me to not wake up to her every morning, to not have her in my arms, to not have her to come home too
I'm dying without her
I love her more than anything in this world
But she's over me
And it hurts so fucking much, I can't breathe
The worst part
It's all my fault
Calling all day
Tryna make things right
Since you told me hit the road
I've been running on empty
If anything I know
It's how to ruin a happy ending
Ever since Wooyoung sent me that fucking picture, I've been calling her all day for the last two days
And jokes on me because now she's not picking up the phone
And I'm feeling the way she felt when I wouldn't pick up
Panicky
Upset
Desperate to hear her voice
Worried
I've been falling apart since she threw me out of her apartment but I hid it, pushed it away
I was angry she left me and I blamed everything on her
I held on to the anger for a few weeks until the pain of not being with her was too much and I couldn't hide it anymore
We were on our way to a happy ending until I fucked it up
I just had to start drinking and ruin everything
She always said I was the one she wanted forever, the one she'd marry, have a family with and I wanted that desperately too
But I ruined it all
I remember when you still needed me
Don't know how I let it go so easily
But I always keep making the same mistakes
Maybe I never deserved you anyways
I never deserved her
I knew that from the moment she said yes to me
I was always made to believe I was worthless, a loser, going nowhere in life by my parents and my family
Until her
But I always knew I didn't deserve her
I was always grateful for her love
Happy she loved me, she wanted me
Even after everything started falling apart, she stayed, continued to love me
I didn't deserve that
Not when I fought with her constantly, when I left her alone when she needed me
When I made her cry
I couldn't stand to see her cry, knowing she was crying because of me and I had to leave
I should of stayed there with her, held her, apologized, comforted her
But I ran away
She needed me and I left her
She always said she needed me but she really didn't
I needed her but she didn't need me
She said she needed me to hold her at night, she needed to cuddle me when we watched TV, she needed me with her, near her, she needed my love
I wasn't sure about that then or even now but I do know that the times she did truly need me, when she was crying, when I left her alone for days, I wasn't there
I ignored her
I failed her
I can make you mad
I can make you scream
I can make you cry
I can make you leave
I can make you hate me
For everything
I can make a world out of broken dreams
I can make you say things you don't mean
I can unmake all we were made to be
But I can't make you come back to me
I know whenever we fought it drove her crazy
I'd say stupid shit, making her angry, making her say things I knew she didn't mean
Like I'm a jerk, an asshole, a stupid idiot, a drunk
Made her threaten to leave me
Make her scream at me
She'd never wanted to fight, always tried to diffuse the situation but I kept going, pushing her buttons until she lost it
I made her leave the fight a few times
Making it too much for her to deal with that she just walked away
Lock herself in the bedroom or go stay at her friend's house
I made her cry way too many times
I always said I'd never make her cry when we first got together
But I failed miserably at that
The last fight we had, the one that finally broke her was bad
I was drunk at some bar, flirting with some girl to get her to pay for my drinks
One of my friends called her to come and get me
I remember the hurt on her face when she saw me laughing with the other girl
Smiling, flirting, the girl touching my bicep I was flexing for her
Even though I was drunk, I saw how unhappy she was, how sad and I hated myself
She came over to me and told me she came to bring me home
I fought with her, because of course I did
I told her to go the fuck away, leave me alone
She wouldn't leave, begging me to come home with her
"Please Hwannie. Come home"
She tugged on my arm and I was so out of it, I let her drag me out of the bar
When the cool air hit me once we were out in the street, it woke me up a bit and I realized she was taking me home
Walking me to her car
And I snapped
"Get the fuck off me!", I shouted, pulling my arm out of her grip
"Hwa, stop baby. You need to come home and sleep this off"
"I don't want to go anywhere with you!", I shouted, ashamed of how I was acting and that just pissed me off more
"Seonghwa!"
"You go home. I don't want to fucking go there. I hate being there"
"I'm there baby", she whispered
"I don't give a fuck! I don't want to be around you! All you do is fight with me and it's annoying! You're fucking annoying!"
I remember her starting to cry and it infuriated me
I was angry with myself and took it out on her
I was screaming at her to shut the fuck up in the middle of the sidewalk, to get the fuck away from me, that I wanted her gone
"Seonghwa, I love you-"
"I don't care!", I screamed, "I don't want you! I can't stand you!"
She cried harder, "I...I can't do this anymore Seonghwa. I love you so much but I can't take this anymore. You've been gone for five days and I just want you home with me"
"I don't want to go home! I want to go back inside, I want to drink and flirt with girls who'll buy me what I want!"
She shook her head, "Seonghwa, if you....if you don't come home with me that's it. It's over. You and me....it's over. I love you but I can't drive myself crazy worrying about you, fighting with you. You need help and I want to help you"
"I don't want your help!", I shouted, "I don't fucking need you!"
I remember the tears rolling down her face as she said, "If you don't come home with me right now, then don't come back"
"Fine", I snapped, then turned around and walked right back to the bar, her sobs making me angry at the moment but remembering it now, those sobs break me
I went back to the bar and drank until I blacked out
I woke up on Hongjoong's couch
I found out later that she texted Hongjoong to watch me and bring me to his house
He told me what happened the night before, that her and I were over
I didn't believe him, taking for granted that she wouldn't really leave me
I drank the next night and the next, staying away from the apartment
I only realized everything was real, she really left me, was when I woke up in Hongjoong's apartment three days later and all my stuff was in his living room in boxes
I asked him what the fuck was going on and he reminded me that we broke up
He relayed the fight again, relayed how I made the decision by walking away from her and how she was following through with that decision
He told me she packed all my stuff and asked him to come get it
And I knew in that moment that I took everything too far
I unmade everything we were and everything we were supposed to be
That was the day my world ended, the day I pushed it all away until slowly, bit by bit I'm here now, utterly broken and desperate to talk to her
I could do all the wrong things but I can't make her come back to me
The only thing I can do is try
Which is why I'm here, waiting for her to come home
To convince her to come back to me
--------------------------------
I wait hours until I hear footsteps coming down the hall
She's looking at her phone as she walks towards her apartment
I take the few seconds before she sees me to take her in
Beautiful like always but her whole aura is....sad?
She looks skinnier than the last time I saw her, darker bags under her eyes and she looks exhausted
She looks how I look and feel
Miserable
Her head lifts, her gaze landing on me
Her eyes narrow and harden, a pissed off look forming on her face
"What do you want?", she snaps as I stand up
I know she's mad and I deserve every ounce of her anger
"I...I want to talk to you"
"I have nothing to say. Go away"
She breaks eye contact, moving to the door
I stand aside so she can unlock it
"Please? Just for ten minutes?"
"Seonghwa-"
"Please?", I beg, my voice shaky
I don't know how else to get her back if she won't speak to me
She glares, "You have ten minutes. Then you fucking leave"
I nod, hoping that she'll take me back and I'll never have to leave again
She turns her back to me, walking in her apartment and I follow like a lost puppy
Because truthfully, I'm completely lost without her
"What do you want?", she snaps, throwing her bag and her jacket on the couch, then facing me, her arms crossed over her chest
"I'm sorry", I blurt
"No you're not", she snarls
"Yes I am. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have walked away from you. I shouldn't have fought with you. I should of went home with you that night"
"But you didn't. You wanted to drink and flirt with other girls. You got your wish. You can go and flirt with anyone you want. So why don't you go do that and leave me alone"
"Because I want you", I whisper, ashamed at the things I said to her
I know it hurt her so much
It would hurt me if she said she wanted to flirt with other guys
"No you don't. You walked away from me remember?", she snaps, "Oh wait, you probably don't because you were piss faced drunk"
"I'm sorry", I repeat, desperate for her to see how fucking sorry I really am, "I...I want to come back. I want you"
She snorts, "Now you want me? Now you wanna be here? Where were you when I needed you?"
I don't answer, ashamed
I wasn't with her, where I was supposed to be
"No answer? Well I'll answer for you. You were at the bar getting shit faced. You were flirting with other girls to get drinks. You were gone for days, never answering your phone. When all I wanted was you, you were doing who the fuck knows"
I wasn't here with her but I wasn't doing anything significant when I was gone
Mostly sleeping off my hangover in one of my friend's apartments
Then I'd go out at night again to get drunk again and it would all happen all over again
"I don't even know if you ever cheated on me"
"I didn't", I answer immediately, "I never did"
"How do you know? You were always too far gone to remember what you did"
I shake my head, adamant about this
I know I never cheated on her
I never would
Even when I was drunk, one of the guys was always there
To watch me but really they didn't have to
They told me I never tried anything with any girl, except to flirt to get drinks
And anytime a girl came on to me, I told them no
So even piss faced drunk I didn't cheat on her
"I know. The guys know. They were there. They saw me refuse every girl that came on to me when I was drunk. And I never tried to get with any girl. I only flirted to get my drinks paid for. You can ask them"
They even told me I was the most well behaved drunk they've known, in that aspect anyway
"Whatever", she snaps, "It doesn't change the fact that you would rather get drunk than be home with me"
"That's not true!", I answer, upset she thinks that, "It's just, when I get alcohol in me that's all I wanted but when I was sober all I wanted was to be with you. And that's all I want, is to be with you again. All I want is you"
She just shakes her head, looking away, "Why are you here Seonghwa? It's been three months and I haven't heard from you since the day we broke up. There's more you're not telling me. What happened? Why are you here now? Why not a month ago? Why not a week after we broke up? Why now?"
"Because", I exclaim, my heart hurting just thinking about it, "You went out with someone else! And the thought of another man touching you...I can't handle it"
She stares at me like I've lost my mind
I feel like I lost my mind
"What the hell are you talking about? I haven't gone out with anyone"
Is she really gonna lie to me?
To my face?
"Yes you did Joanne. Wooyoung saw you out with some guy at a diner", I tell her, pulling my phone out and opening it to the picture
The picture Wooyoung took of her and the guy and sent to me, effectively breaking my heart
I can't even look at it without tearing up
Holding it up, I show it to her, a look of anger and disbelief on her face
"Wooyoung took the picture and sent it to me"
"Oh my god, he's such a creep!", she yells, her eyes moving from the picture to me, "And you're a fucking idiot!"
Well, I don't know what I expected but this reaction was not it
"That guy is a friend and coworker! He's married!", she shouts, "His wife was coming back from a business trip and he had some time to kill before going to meet her at the airport. He said he was going to get something to eat and invited me along"
Ok it's not a date but that guy could still want her
Being married never stopped anyone from cheating
And it doesn't mean she doesn't like him that way either
"And you went", I accuse
"Yes I went!", she snaps, "I went because I couldn't stand being back in this apartment alone for another entire night!"
Her eyes fill with tears and I hate that I'm making her cry yet again
"This entire apartment is filled with you! With memories of you!", she sobs, glaring at me angrily, "I can't handle it. Everything I look at reminds me of you! I can't sit on the couch because all I think about is you sitting there playing a stupid video game or us cuddling while we watched tv"
I swallow hard at the emotion in her voice
I didn't know she thought about us
The last time I saw her...it seemed like she had given up on us
"I can't sleep on your side of the bed or hell even in the middle because all I remember is you holding me all night. The kitchen reminds me of us cooking together. The shower reminds me of you washing my hair and us having soap fights. Every room is filled with you!"
"Jo-", I start, not sure what I want to say but I just want to make her feel better
I was wrong about everything
Again
I thought she was over me
I didn't know she's just as bad as I am
"And you're a fucking idiot if you think I could just go out with someone else after three months of not being with you!", she yells, "That's something you would do, not me!"
"I wouldn't-"
"Shut up!", she cries, "If you don't think that this entire break up hasn't completely devastated me, that I'm not utterly lost without you, then you're a fucking moron! I miss you all the time. You're all I think about. Wondering if you found a new girl to be with and forgot all about me"
"I didn't", I shake my head, "I didn't jagi"
"Three months is not enough time to get over someone I love more than anything in this world", she whispers, "It's not enough time to get over the love of my life, if that's even possible"
Hearing her call me the love of her life keeps the hope I have alive
The hope that she might forgive me and take me back
"You're the love of my life Jo", I tell her
She snorts through tears, "Fuck off Seonghwa"
"No! I won't fuck off ", I say loudly, "You had your turn to speak, now it's mine!"
"There's nothing to say Seonghwa. You've more than proven that I'm nothing you want. You screamed in my face that you don't want me and don't need me. Remember?"
"I was stupid!", I yell, "I was. I did everything wrong but I won't let you think I don't love you. Of course I need you. I love you"
She looks away and I can tell she doesn't know if she should believe me
"Jo, I've never loved anything in my life until you", I confess, "I love you with everything in me baby. I'm going insane without you"
I move closer to her, taking her hand and breathing in relief when she doesn't pull away
"You're all I think about", I tell her, "I miss you so much Jo, it fucking hurts. I'm just as lost without you jagi. Everyday, I wake up in dread because you're not next to me and I remember that I can't see you. I can't just pick up the phone and call you, I can't spend the day with you and it's soul crushing"
I blink away the tears pooling in my eyes from how heartbroken I am without her
"When I saw the picture Wooyoung sent me, I felt like I was dying jagi", I confess, the tears falling down my face, "I...I realized that I really lost you and the thought of you with another guy...fuck it killed me. And it made me realize that I have to change my life to be the man you deserve"
She shakes her head, "You can't change for me Seonghwa. You have to change for you. You'll just end up resenting me if you change for me"
"I am changing for me and for you jagi. I..I need help to do it but I'm going to"
"What are you talking about?", she asks quietly
I take a breath to tell her everything I've started changing once Wooyoung sent me that picture
"I stopped drinking jagi. I got into an AA group and I went to the first meeting yesterday"
I know my drinking was a huge problem
I'd become belligerent, say hurtful things to her, make her cry
I never want to do that again
"Wow, that's...that's really good Seonghwa. That'll help you so much. I'm...I'm happy for you", she says, genuine shock and relief in her face
I nod, glad I can actually show her I'm changing
"I also found a therapist to go to. Psychologist. To talk about the shit I've had to go through when I was young. To get to the bottom of the drinking problem and get better"
Her eyes widen as she takes in my words
"I...uh...I also got a job", I tell her, "A real job with Hongjoong. He's ..he's going to teach me to be a mechanic"
That's something I was always interested in but with my drinking there was no way I could concentrate on trade school and no one would let me work on cars anyway
"Hongjoong hired you?"
"Yeah", I nod, "One uh, one of the conditions to keep working with him is that I stay sober, go to AA meetings and keep seeing the psychologist"
"That's good Seonghwa. He's a good friend to help you like this"
He is
I don't know where I'd be without him
But there is someone else I need
"I need you baby", I whisper
Her eyes break away from mine, darting to the floor, her face unsure
"I don't....know Seonghwa. I miss you and I love you more than anything...but I can't...I can't go through everything again. I can't handle the fights, the way it seems like you hate me when you get angry-"
"I don't hate you. I never hated you baby. I love you more than anything", I tell her, "It'll be hard jagi, I...I may fuck up a bit but I will never let it get like it used to be. I won't be drinking baby so that will cut out a lot of our problems"
"But you might get....irritable because you can't drink"
I nod, knowing that's true
It's what the AA meeting leader said could happen
"Yeah baby, that's when... I...I'll need your help too...if you can"
"You want my help?", she asks quietly
I know it's shocking
I never wanted her help before but now I can't think of anyone better to help me then her
"Yeah baby", I answer, "I..I know they'll be setbacks and it'll be difficult but there's no one I'd rather have by my side than you"
She bites her lip hesitantly
"I can do it easier with you jagi. Please baby, give me one more chance? Come back to me?"
I hold my breath, waiting for her answer
Hoping, praying that she takes me back
"This is your last chance Seonghwa", she says softly, "I understand you may fall off the wagon a few times and I'll help you if that happens but if it gets to be like before....with you out all night, getting drunk every night, flirting, never coming home, fighting with me then it's over for good. Nothing you say will make me take you back"
"I understand jagi", I tell her, hope filling me, "I won't let it get to that, I promise"
She nods, "Ok Hwannie"
"Ok? I...I can come home? With you?", I ask, wanting confirmation
She nods, "You can come home Hwa"
Her words wash over me and I immediately pull her into my arms, holding her tightly, burying my face in her neck and sobbing in relief and utter happiness
"I love you Jo. I love you so much", I cry
Her arms move around me and I break down more, the feeling of being in her arms absolute heaven
"I love you Seonghwa. More than anything in this world baby", she sobs too, her arms so tight around me, "My Hwa"
"Only yours", I assure her, "Just yours. I love you"
"I love you"
Pulling back a little, I look down at my beautiful jagi, wiping her tears away
Leaning down, I kiss her in a loving kiss I've been waiting to feel since I lost her
And it's one of the best kisses she's ever given me
--------------------------------
"I can bring all my stuff back tomorrow, if it's ok?", I ask her as we get into bed
"Yeah baby. Do you need help packing?"
I shake my head, "I just been crashing at Hongjoong's and everything is still in the boxes you packed. I can just load them up into the car and bring them back"
After we kissed, we've just been glued to each other all night
We ordered food then watched TV, cuddling on the couch
I've never been so happy to have her in my arms, to run my fingers in her hair, to just be with her
I'm never giving that, giving her up again
I will make sure I will be the best man I can be
"You never unpacked?"
I shake my head, "No jagi...I...I guess I didn't think we were really over until I saw the picture of you with that guy"
"He's just a friend baby", she says softly, facing me in bed, running her fingers in my hair, "I swear Hwa. I only love you"
I nod
I know
After tonight, after everything she said, I know she only loves me
"And yeah, you can bring all your stuff back tomorrow baby"
I smile, so fucking happy, so grateful I'm back home, with her
She smiles softly, her thumb moving over my lips softly, "I missed your smile Hwannie. I missed you so much"
"I missed you jagi. I swear baby, I didn't know that I could feel that much pain from not being with you. I honestly don't think I can live without you"
She nods, "I know Hwa. I feel the same way baby. I don't want to be away from you ever again. Please don't hurt me again baby"
"I won't", I swear, "Never again jagi. I shouldn't have to begin with and I'm so sorry I hurt you but I swear, never again"
She nods, moving closer, her lips pressing against mine softly in a sweet kiss
My body immediately relaxes into hers, moving my arms around her, pulling her right against me, kissing her desperately
I need her, it feels like her kisses are reviving me and it's just what I need
"I love you", she murmurs after the kiss
"I love you", I tell her, "So much"
She smiles, kisses me again, then cuddles against me
I kiss the top of her head, holding her tightly so grateful she took me back
#seonghwa smut#park seonghwa smut#ateez seonghwa smut#park seonghwa fanfic#ateez seonghwa fanfic#seonghwa fanfic#ateez fanfic#ateez smut
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pov: you go to one of their gigs
old ramble written last year.
warning: 18+. follows no timeline. not proofread, so grammatical errors and typos.
masterlist here.
not. this. again.
no matter how fucking hard you tried to keep it together, you somehow always found yourself crying over the same idiot, tall boy. for nearly three years now, you’d tried to shake off your feelings for george but at this point it honestly seemed impossible. you always fell for his attention even though you knew it was a sick, toxic cycle. sigh. you couldn't do this to yourself anymore.
it was mid october. you were at a venue in london waiting for the band to take the stage. george had asked (well, more like begged actually) over the phone for you to come to their gig that night even though you were drained and exhausted. "please. i miss you." you didn't know if his plea was sincere or not, but it made your heart beat faster. you hated to admit you missed him, too.
"fine, but don't count on me for anything after." you had worked 12 consecutive shifts to stash away some money as you wanted to do some travelling around europe. you were in your early 20's. you were supposed to have fun, get lost in random cities, take drugs with strangers, all of those things you saw on films and tv. while you loved london, you wanted to visit some places with a bit more colour to them and try to forget about him for at least a few weeks or so. it wasn't too much to ask for, right?
after he convinced you to show up, you figured you might as well try to make the most of your night out. you stumbled upon him and ross when they were out for a quick smoke, george quick to plant a kiss on your cheek followed by a tight embrace that lingered longer than expected. he was warm and, to your dismay, it made you feel warm inside, too. it seemed that every chance he got, he would touch you in some way, whether a brush of your arm, a hand on your lower back, a gentle grip on your hip. you tried to not think much of it knowing you couldn't afford to get tangled up in this mess all over again. you loved him (to some extent) but the sleepless nights and ongoing fights were not worth it anymore.
when the opening band finished, you made your way to the front to watch them perform from a closer spot. you had attended many of their gigs at this point and you genuinely fell in love with their music, albeit you wouldn't tell them directly. you had too much pride for such confession.
the gig started, the fangirl in you waking up and getting excited to sing along, forgetting about your exhaustion and lack of sleep. matty noticed you, giving a small wave and blowing a kiss in your direction before diving into the next song. while george was the one who unfortunately held your heart, you had a soft spot for the front boy, even having made out with him several times before just for the hell of it. alcohol and weed might have been involved, though...
after a few more songs, you couldn't help but notice the way george effortlessly played on stage, arms moving in calculated motions, messy hair swaying from side to side. he would look straight at you, wink and bite his bottom lip, which just made you laugh. he hadn't changed one bit. you remembered him doing this same routine at your place whenever he craved your attention. and george did it because he knew it worked like a charm. you had to admit it felt nice to have his focus on you, making you wonder if maybe, just maybe, the two of you could work it out again.
when the show ended and the boys went backstage, you managed to sneak yourself back there after 20 minutes or so, in hopes of finding them and saying your goodbyes. you kept opening every door to check if it was their dressing room, but you had no luck for a while.
you twisted another handle, opening the door and your heart sank to your stomach, making you feel instantly sick. in front of you happened to be your dear drummer with another girl's head between his legs. you were not quite sure which words left your lips, but they must've been loud enough for the both of them to turn around and take notice of you. this couldn't be happening. not. again.
you shut the door and quickly walked through the corridor, trying to find the nearest exit to get some fresh air in your lungs. not again, not again is all you could repeat in your head. you couldn't believe that somewhere deep inside your gut, you hoped that this could be the time that george and you kissed once more and went back to your flat together. why did you even think that would happen? and most importantly, why did you even want it to happen? not. again.
"fuck. i'm—i'm sorry." you were staring down at the floor which made you bump into someone. "i'm sorry." you kept apologizing as you made an effort to step away without looking up. you knew there were tears streaming down your face and didn't want anyone to see the mess you were at that moment. but you felt a tight grip on your arm and heard a familiar, warm voice call your name.
this is what finally made you turn around. "i'm sorry, matty. i can't..." you tried to break free from his grasp but he continued to hold on. "what's going on, darling? are you okay?" there was genuine concern embracing his words which made you cry ever more. not right now for fuck's sake.
you looked away, embarrassed at your state and not wanting to admit to him (or yourself) why you were uncontrollably sobbing. "hey. what happened, what is—" his voice trailed off as someone else seemed to be hurrying in your direction, calling your name, too. an exasperated george now stood besides you, breathing heavily. from running or coming in that girl's mouth, you didn't want to know.
"i've been looking for you everywhere. i can explain that," he pointed behind him, "back there." he was still catching his breath and it made you feel sick once more, taking every ounce of control to not vomit at that very second. the colour drained from your face as you started to shake, the tips of your fingers and jaw numb from a dangerous mix of anger and anxiety. he tried to grab your hand but you instantly recoiled, not wanting him to be near you, let alone touch you. "george, don’t.”
you saw as he nervously ran his long fingers through his hair thinking of what to say next. nothing. no words that came out of his mouth could provide any comfort, you were sure of that. you walked away, still trying to find the damn exit out of this hellish place. fuck george. fuck him for always pulling you in so close only to break you into one million pieces.
you finally managed to step outside, feeling lightheaded, heart still pounding in your ears. you found a dimly lit patch of grass and sat down, doing your best to focus on the cold air against your skin to try and keep him out of your mind. you felt so stupid. why did you think tonight would be any different?
great. someone was walking towards you. you stood up to leave. “please talk to me.” you turned to look at him. “please.”
“what do you want me to say, matty?” your hands covered your face as you continued to cry, not caring anymore if he heard you. you felt him inch closer, eventually putting his arms around you, holding you. “why does he always do this to me? why do i always hold on to his every word hoping that things will change? that he will actually want me.”
you felt his grip tighten around your shoulders. “he’s not worth it. he’s my best mate and i care for him deeply, but he’s not worth it,” he whispered into your hair. “please trust me on this one.”
all you could do was wrap your arms around him, yearning to hold someone close, to make you feel like you were for once safe and loved.
#matty healy imagine#george daniel imagine#matty healy x reader#matty healy x you#george daniel x you#george daniel x reader#the 1975 fanfiction#the 1975 fanfic#matty#george#the 1975
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decided to make a reel of my augmented reality artworks done over the past few months and MAN, it’s.......... suddenly hitting me just how absolutely nuts all of this is
six years ago, virtual reality was still firmly in the realm of science fiction. but now? not only is it real - but it’s possible to have a career working completely inside a virtual world where you have godlike controls over creation. (editing physics, light, gravity - and spawning things into existence on a whim? mind-mindbogglingly, this is somehow just my average workday)
I regularly spend so much time in-headset that it’s started re-wiring my brain; I think of landscapes and buildings as potential canvases for 3D digital artworks, and I sometimes struggle to differentiate virtual objects from reality. (I’ve tried to place real objects on virtual tables, and I instinctively step over/around virtual objects because of how REAL they appear and behave.)
our brains work by building a picture of reality via our sensory input, but what happens when that input is completely virtual? virtual reality is showing us that not only are our brains easily tricked, but that this is already happening even with the technology in its infancy. people using avatars with full-body tracking report ‘phantom sense’ sensations to virtual touch, heat, and cold - and haptic gloves & suits are in development that blur the lines between realities even further.
what will a world look like where we interact with cyperspace as if it was real? where you can meet with anyone, anywhere, in a virtual world you can both touch, hear, and (probably someday) smell or even taste? where job training, 3d design, therapy, education, etc. are all revolutionized by XR in the same way personal computers revolutionized them already?
what does a future look like where we don’t interact with digital media through a screen?
I don’t have the answers, but I think change is encroaching rapidly upon us all - and I think it’s gonna hit us faster than any of us can realize.
#auropost#virtual reality#metaverse#augmented reality#i usually don't share my futurist ramblings here#because for a long time i thought the whole metaverse things was a fad#and i was just getting lucky with work via random companies trying to cash in on this fad#but............ i don't think it's just luck anymore#i am lucky to be an early adopter of xr#but everything else just feels like a pandoras box situation with no going back#because i've seen too much and know just how many powerful entities are pouring effort into creating this#every time i think about it too hard i'm just like holy SHIT how did i get here#my life has been turned completely upside down over the past year just because of megacorporations battling for control over the metaverse#and the pool of skilled creators in this field is so small that they're coming to ME!!!!!! of ALL PEOPLE!!!!#a random trans artist with no formal training and one million imposter syndrome#and i don't know what the moral of this story is yet#but i'm hoping it's something along the lines of 'if i can make it anyone can'#anyways that's my rant about feeling awe and wonder at technological progress and the novelty that awaits us#hold on to your hats because it's about to be one hell of a ride
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friends. i fear i've fallen down the rabbit hole....
#ugghgh#just. take it#take this off my hands#i don't think i can claim ''i dont go here'' rights anymore#im not tagging it tho#if the tsams population finds me it will have to be by pure luck
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ik for a fact the moment i bought the ps5 that it'd be my dead sims era
#sorry guys im not chronically online 24/7 anymore i dissapoint#i was sad mimimi in my nest then just spam exo christmas songs for weeks until i felt somewhat normal again#im doing better 😁😁 and not touching sims 😁😁#irrelevant though: i got mentioned on simblr appreciation day not one but 5 times? found out a bit too late but thats like.. crazy#thank you for having me in your thoughts <3#i'll reply to the posts eventually i just need to get over the replying as a chore thing 😭😭#on a serious note i don't think my posts are THAT good to leave an impression they're.. generic#most of the high-performed posts are pure algorithm luck and the stuff i enjoy posting only a few do care about#but eeeeeeeeeeeh whatever right#anyway its 4am i couldn't sleep hence why this post was made#happy holiday and merry chrismas to those who celebrate it 🫶#dippi.txt
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Cool.. Our rent price got raised. :') I did not know it was even possible to get even MORE poor than me and mom already were, but here we are. Guess I'll start surviving on literal bread and water at this rate.
#/vent#personal#no but when will things stop getting worse?#in moments like this I feel especially bitter thinking about that asshole that went to me like:#'wahh wahh katy i won enough money in the court to buy everything I want but it doesn't matter because I can't buy YOU uwu'#*ten days later* 'actually I don't want a friend/sister anymore can you please stay in your bum spot and simply be my-#-online friend and listen to me ramble about my interests without any regards to yours and show off how cool my life is to you like always?#like no I am not materialistic but when people make dramatic promises of this kind they better stick to them#'nooo but you MUST get out of russia!!!' bitch how? I can hardly afford enough food let alone travelling and living abroad#anyways yeah I am done using the guy that pretended to want a better life for us both and then turned tail as a core for venting#sorry it just makes me angry#not so much living in powerty and not being able to crawl out of debt and my life state no matter what#but more about a very consistent trend of having friends that one day get RICH and dump me as 'lower class' right after that happens#he is not the only one like that in my life he is just the most recent one#really speaks about how unlikeable I am if people lose interest in me as soon as they can buy happy things instead#shows that my worth as a human being is super low and I only work as entertainment when people can't buy something to do that instead#like videogames food travels objects books etc etc...#I am just below those things and less interesting than those things and I'll die early hahaha lol#hopes are that supernatural luck power that doesn't want me to escape easily will send me something to help. because yeah my situation-#-is B A D.
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want to get back into warframe after seeing jade. however, am too intimidated to get back into warframe because i feel like I've fallen behind too much to catch up with everything especially since they're taking difficulty more seriously now... eugh :( *violently throws up out of anxiety*
#hate fomo hate fomo hate fomo#i think it's because i was already struggling to keep up when i WAS playing#so now that i have to climb another step when im already behind is gut wrenching#i know that a part of it is that good gear is locked behind difficulty and grind but i really just don't have time to commit to that anymore#idk. ik im catastrophising... i hope that jade's update isnt difficulty locked#i think that's also why i didnt rly care for dante's update. he's out of reach so why bother#im glad warframe's committing to setting up proper endgame/actually difficult content now but personally#the gameplay loop/effort required doesnt make the rewards worth it ahdksnfjsbfke#and i hate the feeling of getting carried and being gifted stuff bc of my tremendous bad luck and ik that's a bad ungrateful mentality#but ugh!!!!!!!!!! :(((((((((((((#not tagging this as wf because it's too negative sowwy
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Khan: (says something self-deprecating)
Ingo: did you know that you are my friend and family, and that Akari and I love you as such?
Khan: BYE???
Ingo knows exactly what he’s doing :3c
#pokemon legends arceus#pla#warden ingo#ingo#khan a.#ingo and akari decided to tackle khan's behavior head on and with love#self deprecation meets affection#khan 'my scars are pretty fucking ugly huh'#akari 'actually i think they're neat and badass!! they make you look strong and cool!!!'#khan '??!?!?? oh look??!! a ginkgo guild member to bully!!!'#its not even that he's lacking self esteem he just really fails to comprehend care and affection anymore#ingo 'i see you're heading out on your next adventure. take this care pack.'#khan 'awww u care about me?'#ingo 'yes'#khan (hisses like a cat that got wet and flees)#khan: what do you MEAN people like me? I DON'T EVEN LIKE ME???#tough luck buddy you found yourself a family now#this is all the art effort i have in my right now i'm sorry
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dude...
#if I don't stop hyperfixating on my breathing... like... idfk how much longer i can live like this...#it's been happening since last august snd I'm so tired of it.....#it's not even only when I'm high anymore it's like... all the time#i just like.. stop automatically breathing once i think about it and it takes me *so* *fucking* *long* to start again#honestly I'm just typing this post to distract myself a bit and hopefully i just start breathing normally again but I'm still manually#breathing rn. and now im wondering what the normal amount of time in between breaths is and if I'm taking too long ??#i tried to time my breaths with N's but she's asleep so i know it's gonna be different than mine#hoooo boy wish me luck falling asleep this is so annoying!!!!#is this ocd??? I've had several ppl in the past year tell me they think I have it but thinking about it makes me spiral#but it would explain A Lot of my thoughts n habits#anyway. I'm very annoyed with myself rn i just want to breathe normally and not worry myself into panic attacks anymore#actually very worried about how bad my stress in general has been bc there's no way it's been good for my body#ok. time to snuggle up n try to fall asleep!! im v cold rn so i have to warm up before i hug N bc i don't want to wake her with my ice cold#skin lmao. i can't wait for it to be warmer so i don't have to worry/feel bad about that lol#OKAY BBYYYYEEE if you read these tags I'm so very sorry.#rAMbles
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grabbing the ichi plush by the neck and death gripping it like 'good things are to come its all going to be ok good things are to come' like its a lucky amulet
#snap chats#i didnt even pre order the ichi plush but spiritually i did. good luck charm.#anyway rant time look away from here. Im At My Limit <- i say this every week#I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS WRONG <- lying. my moms home#i just feel terrible again. i feel so awful i gave myself a headache from being upset#do you know how upset you have to be to give yourself a headache just sitting and thinking#that happened when i was taking a spanish test once but i think i was just so stupid my brain actually started to hurt trying to think#i also remember being sad as hell that day tho so....... maybe it was both#everyday it feels like im sad thats so fucked up and theres nothing i can do about it#ALSO IT'S RAINING AGAIN rain never promises anything good unless you're a plant#im working but i should have this done in. idk a few hours#and then its the weekend right.... there's no limitations for sadness though brother doesn't run on a schedule#unless we're talking about seasonal depression but we know what i mean#ew im supposed to go to that con tomorrow i dont even know if i want to go anymore#i just don't want to do anything anymore ig is the vibe#idk i have a journal to whine bout all this in ╮(╯-╰)╭ squeezing ichi plush is a mood tho so im still posting#maybe if i play a lil y7 ill remember theres good things to wake up for..#also i gave myself another headache OWOWOWOW STOP when will it end#wait let me be sad again because my dad said we'd hang out today or tomorrow#but i just know that's not happening and now im even more sad WEHHH no one loves me etc etc die#sometimes you just need a melodramatic teenager moment i think we're all due that right like once a month#ok i have to stop my head really hurts ☠️☠️☠️
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I am exhausted, and really just want a nap and a cup of cocoa, but uhhhh
I got page 6 almost fully sketched just on my work breaks today after only just thumbnailing it this morning
That feels pretty nice
#also I'm getting so used to doing perspective and weird camera angles that i almost don't think about it anymore#wip#webcomic#aaahhhh just under 2 hours of work left#wish me luck
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woah woah woah yuri you're still alive????
haha what happened you may ask??? well, life just gave me hell and decided that today. TODAY, was gonna top it off with the biggest disaster so far!!!!!
i literally just wanted to have ONE day off after my bday, but the next morning my computer wouldn't work! which was fantastic because literally every single one of my wips/ finished not posted works/ digital art was on there so i stressed. the FUCK. out
it's fixed now ofc and THANKFULLY nothing was lost except the artworks that weren't autosaved that day! (which- yknow, sucks, but there was worse at stake before :'D) after me bEGGING my dad to help me with the problem
except it's NOT OVER yet!!!!
sai's settings and brushes reseted for some reason and my absolute fav custom brushes were gone! so with me trying to recreate them then loosing them all over because they just wouldn't be SAVED OMG and me going for a trip to my uncle's small town and watching the leftover day offs i had dwindle so goshdarn fast i was feeling so sO drained-
and wanna know the funniest thing??? when i come back home ready to post art and FINALLY rant about this what happens?? no wifi :DDDD
prioritizing the water and electricity bills first, i got to work and drew everyday to make it up for you guys and look at that! i have good and horrible news!
so SURPRISE! since you guys have been SO patient with me (thank you all :'D), i will say that i have a LOT of finished works to post! all ranging from 1 animated gif, 9 artworks, 1 illustration that's part of a little prompt idea i came up with (1 done and 4 left)
technically, i have 2 pieces finished and 3 wips for the remaining days of fnk week and 2 new ocs!!!! (and redraws of 4 older ocs, 2 of which are ready to post)
as for the worse news... man. i'm barely hanging here but woo i broke my tablet's pen and it's charging wire!! (i literally don't know how but it got separated from it's body while it was in it and i can't i can't even)
i am so so broken right now- i was so happy to update yesterday and reblog stuff since i finally got wifi again and- man it feels like i'm making this shit up but oh my god i wanna cry
i guess i could post everything i had the chance to draw before but gosh i'm so sorry but i can't promise more art after i announce which one was the last in stock- (at least until i get enough money to buy a replacement for them both)
i know i suck at communicating if i'm alive and just having a hard time but i swear this year was really rough on me and my health in general so i hope you guys can understand :'(
#rambling#delete later?#i am so so tired all the time#i guess it was a needed rest to just. not think about anything and draw for fun but it also wasn't exactly relaxing-#i have so little free time and wasting it feels so horrible and i'm. sorry#sorry for dropping off out of the sudden and sorry for the wait i'm aware that it's sad whenever it happens#i planned this post in advance so when i noticed my pen wasn't working anymore i was having such a breakdown i'm#i can't even open commissions i can't draw no more oh my gosh i'm sorry#just when you think it's getting better it gets a hundred times WORSE i can't believe my LUCK!!!!!#and oh my god SORRY for not reblogging stuff you tag me into as well!!!#i felt like every happy emotion was drained out of my soul and i couldn't act like i was excited and all when i was doing horrible so#i didn't read nor look at anything because you guys deserve the original reaction of surprise and some real compliments!!!!#sorry if that means i don't reblog right away but i refrain from looking at something and only liking if i plan on leaving commentary later#and to the asks staring daggers at me in my inbox yall i swear if i wasn't busy being stomped over by life i'd answer in a heartbeat-#THANK YOU to EVERYONE for sticking by even if you probably forgot you even followed me at this point hhh :'D#too emotionally tired to delete the old happy tags i typed before#i could probably post this once i get my emotions in check but man i'm TIRED of waiting i am so done#gosh it must be a disappointing return right? yeah#sorry for the long post but man- i just don't wanna worry you guys for nothing#so heads up i'm probably gonna take a day off after this and be less cheerful than usual once i'm back#so ill wait to reblog stuff later again (so sorry again)#i'll make an announcement once i start posting the art i finished meanwhile (one every day cause there's a LOT)
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While he’d had Diluc’s Vision in his care, Kaeya often spoke to it. Updates on how things were going in Mondstadt, on Jean and the Knights, quiet admissions on how much he missed him and hoped he was alright. Demands he come back to Mond alive, if not for the family he’d discarded, if not for the Knights, then for those at the Dawn Winery at the very least. They missed him more than anyone.
Kaeya doubted Diluc could even hear them, but if there was a chance those words could reach him, that Diluc could somehow be reassured through whatever turmoil he was facing in that moment and given some burst of determination to succeed through the worst from them, Kaeya would still ensure not a day went by without speaking to the Vision, conversations scarcely more than two hours apart if he could help it. It was a childish, most likely vain hope, he knew. But nothing and no one, including himself, would ever have been able to curb the habit.
Anything to make sure that Vision never once dulled to emptiness.
#Sb: You two were always so attached at the hip; it must be hard with Master Diluc gone#Kaeya; with the Vision tucked safely in his vest: Haha; what? I don't miss him; I'm relieved he can't fucken NAG me anymore-#hc; kaeya#//Imagine the messes he kept getting himself into if keeping the Vision near kept screwing up with his own Vision usage#//The Pyro IMMEDIATELY reacting to counter his Cryo usage (Kae can't help bitterly think it MEANS something; proof of Diluc's resentment)#//Kaeya simultaneously getting sabotaged by that happening AND his own worries making him sloppy#//Kae making jokes that he's been cursed with bad luck; and damn well KNOWS keeping the Vision so close is only trouble#//But anyone'd have to pry that Pyro Vision from his cold dead hands if he could help it#//When Diluc comes back and Kae HAS to part with the Vision; he can't help feeling lonely again#//Almost misses the damn thing was still on hand to sabotage him#//It's easier dealing with the Vision acting up than having to actually HEAR how much Diluc resents him now (as he thinks he does)#//It certainly was easier to TALK to#//sometimes; he genuinely can't tell if it was more stressful only ever having the Vision to tell if Diluc was alive#//Or being able to see him in person and check on him then#//Letters could only do so much and with only Two he received compared to all those he sent; well; he couldn't trust like that#//But then talking to him after everything is just the Worst because both their guards are up and the ways they deal with it Clash#//Will that stop him? Ofc not#//He can deal with bruised pride and hurt feelings if it means making sure he's still kicking. He owes him that much#//Idk; found this half-written while clearing drafts and A#//Had to finish the thoughts
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