#but yeah I have fallen out and I'm seeing some very good art but idk how to explain I feel... overwhelmed? by what I've missed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

partyinthemysterymachine · 11 months

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i think everyone who either follows me, interacted with me, or seen me in passing knows by now that i have a very, very exuberant personality, LOL. i'm very vocal about how much i love my work, and my ideas, and my big brain, and my big brain puns. i have a lot of confidence and a lot of pride for my art, and (obviously) GOOMT. and i think for some that might come off as conceit; which, on some basis of its definition, is somewhat true.

because the definition of conceit is "excessive pride in oneself; vain" and, like. chinhands. on one hand, yeah, that sounds about right, doesn't it? but on the other hand, i'd have to disagree. i understand that how i assert my confidence can look something like conceit sometimes (and also that confidence can look like conceit in, or to many people just in general), and i of course understand that i am proud, because i'm allowed to be and i SHOULD be, therefore i am.

but i disagree with "conceit" because of its connotations. "conceited people" are known to be holier-than-thou types, put themselves on plateaus, "my way or the highway", "me me me me me i'm the best and only me" attitudes, etc.. and i really don't want to be seen that way, because i'm not that person.

i'll always say that "fake it 'til you make it" is a legit tactic because i can speak for it personally, lol. i think it's fair to say that especially in the beginning i did go through a very conceited phase, and i think that's normal. it takes a little while to get used to, so experimentation and conceit i think is just a part of the process - so long as you come out of it.

but at this point in my life i like to think i have long since passed that phase of conceit. to be very honest, a lot of what i say in tags or otherwise that allude to me/an idea of mine being "better than everyone else" should be taken as jokes. at the end of the day i do not consider my ideas to be better than everyone else's. my ideas are big brained and HUGE meated, but they are also not all i care about; nor, are they also my ultimate favorites.

that's right: u heard me. there are other ideas out there that actually top my charts. because i have seen so many different headcanons and ideas out there that i would die for. that are SO stupid-huge-meat-brained that i'm literally on my knees begging to know more about please let me pack a bucket of sand from ur sandbox please i'm begging i want to play so bad. i've fallen in love with SO MANY interpretations and AUs and development of ideas and stuff that's faithful to canon and stuff that's canon-divergent and it just. i'm eating it all with my bare hands, smearing it on my face and lying face down in a shallow kiddie pool filled with shaving cream, idk.

the world is a playground and fandom is a jungle gym. i really love seeing people create and interact and i love having so many wonderful headcanons and ideas and discussions and art and fics to look at. i LOVE watching new people come in, or some creators poking their heads in every now and then, LOVE to see the silliness and the more serious works and meeting new people about a new AU. i LOVE it.

we're all equals here, babey; and i see headcanon sharing and i see people being inspired by others and it just feels good, man. sharing and vibing on ideas are good, it blooms discussions and MORE fun. i really really do love seeing people being inspired by one another, it absolutely bursts my brain.

i want to see you create. i want to see you grow, i fucking LOVE to watch creators develop and improve in real time, it literally fills me to the brim with heart emojis. and i hope that everyone knows that i am truly, truly genuine every. single. time. i leave tags and am hype for your work. i am LEGITIMATELY HYPE BABEEEYYY and i want you so, so badly to know that. because you deserve it.

i just want to have fun and i want others to have fun, and i just want to see people build themselves up and really push through all those personal hangups and kneejerk reactions to slap a "sorry my art is bad" "lol i hate this it sucks" disclaimer on their work and just do. not. do it.

have your conceited phase instead. blow yourself up to epic proportions of big-headedness, that's just how it works sometimes; but remember to allow yourself to come down. i've had my own moments of pig-headedness, and i've had my moments of, "ummm excuse me, sweaty, but--" and those are things that will just crop up now and then. no one is perfect. overcoming those instances is important. it's possible to be humbled and grounded and still have a massive amount of pride in yourself, and i like to think that's how i am, because that's how i try to be.

the art of confidence and self-love, and recognizing self-worth is a hard, hard uphill battle that involves many trips and falls and sitting on the slope bawling your eyes out for a minute or ten hours and then patching yourself up and getting back on the trail with a smoothie. this shit ain't easy, and brains are mean.

yes, of course you are allowed to feel upset and down on yourself, and frustrated about not putting out the work you really wanted to, or at a quality you felt you could, or "should" achieve every single time. of course you should vent. but how you act on a public platform does affect how others perceive you and your work, and it's extremely important to understand how you openly act towards your art or yourself also affects your own perceptions of self.

and i guess that's a part of the reason why i do it. i've lived too long being sad and upset and fearful. i want to create and i want to share, and by god you're going to hear about it LOL, because i have worked too hard to clamor over hurdles and let myself get trampled on and cried alone on the bleachers to NOT be loud and proud and genuinely happy with not only MYSELF and MY progress, but OTHERS' work and progress.

i am competing with no one. i'm not here to compete. i do not want to compete. i am not better than anyone else, and we are all equals. i am explicitly here to have fun, and to watch, and want others to have fun - even when it doesn't ever involve me. at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is that i'm in love with how and what people create, just as much, and if not more than how much i'm in love with how and what i create. i want us all to love ourselves and our work and to succeed, whatever that mean to the individual person. that's it.

and considering the friends i've made, the people i talk to even if it's only every now and then, and getting to be a part of a weirdass little fandom that creates so imaginatively and beautifully, and that i get asks in my inbox that i SWEAR i'll around to someday (nervous laughing), that my list of mutuals steadily continues to grow, and all the while i've been growing as a person, as an artist and a writer, and developing this blessed and silly and painfully heartwrenching and based and hahaha >:3c!!!!!!!!!!! ur all in danger glacial slowburn behemoth of a fic that is GOOMT.. yeah, i guess it's safe to say i'm succeeding, LOL.

thanks for sticking it out and reading to the end if you have. i love u, and i love that you've decided to join me on my adventures in however way, and i'm glad to know you. i hope u continue to grow and create and i hope that when you create, you will share with us so i can throw myself on the floor kicking screaming crying throwing up heart emojis and catapulting myself into the sun. because that's like. my favorite pastime, honestly.

anywhoo. back to the GRIIIIINNNDD babey, CHEERS KISS KISS ILU ALL 🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖🙏❤️🥚❤️🥚✨🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚🥚

#ches writes #long post #...... yeah idk u guys. i'm a ramblin man LOL #may or may not delete later who knowwsssssss but i just felt like i had to get this out LOL #shoves adderall into mouth and grabs 10 energy drinks and fucking BOOKS IT

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cosmonaughtt · 3 years

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Hey, Ally Kats Art here,

I really wanted to say thank you. I already commented this but still, thank you. The Promised Land has been one of my favorite fics of all time, and certainly one of my favorite stories. It's been a hell of a ride but I'm so glad it ended up where it did. Thank you and well done.

Secondly, those last chapters were magnificent. I didn't say much/comment much (cause I got to them late) but holy hell it was so nice to see that climax and see all the plot threads come together. Ranboo having a hard time fighting? He finds a side role helping people out of danger instead. Who's the dreamon king? A gross nightmare of limbs and goop. Will Dream be saved? Spoilers :)

Also, I want to rant specifically about some spoilery stuff.

The dreamon king scene... Hoooo that made me so nervous. Reminded me of the enemies in GTFO. Legit I was sweating when Ranboo was trying not to wake it.

And then the escape... Ranboo remembering that even in the darkest of times, there's still hope. All symbolized by the cross from Sister Anne. That... That nearly made me cry. Because that's SUCH a good way to illustrate Ranboo's journey. If Ranboo hadn't healed and created a better connection to his religion, if he hadn't remembered hope and remembered sister Anne, I bet you anything he would have fallen, just like Dream.

But he didn't. And I just... I love that. So much.

On top of that... Idk if Anne had magic, or if it was very strong, but if she did I bet she would have Light magic. Maybe it wasn't physical, but she certainly gave Ranboo a light in his dark times. And that was.... Fuck man. Sister Anne is the best and, regardless of if she meant it or not, she saved ranboo. (And made me cryyyyy)

Also, unrelated, Ranboo is gonna give Phil a heart attack. Not Tommy, not Wilbur, RANBOO. Your new, relatively well behaved, adopted child just fucking disappears and runs out of the monster infested building, then passes out. Dadza mode activate XD

As a last note: you may be done with promised land... But i ain't. :3 see ya!

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💛💛💛💛💛

I am SO GLAD you loved it, especially the last chapters. I put whatever I have left of a soul into those last few chapters and I really wanted to rely on the idea that "yeah the world SUCKS but hey there's still reason to hope" bc like.

Our world is royally messed up everywhere and we have a lot of grimdark edgy stuff going on right now, and even if it's just fanfiction and I'm not gettin' paid to do make anything I want my stories to have happy endings because, idk, it just seems like nowadays we have less of them and I miss that.

And you're right! If Ranboo hadn't started to heal and reconcile (heh) with everything he probably would've been stuck just like Dream was, and then Phil would have a heart attack trying to rescue the child he thought would specifically not be a problem child, Jesus Christ, Ranboo

#the stars answer #my stories #promised land #also what do you mean you're not done with promised land yet i--#spoilers #<< tagging just in case #s: promised land

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raefill · 6 years

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I would legit love to hear you answers to every single question. I don't know if you feel like actually doing them all, but if you did... I'm JUST SAYING I'D READ THE ANSWERS, ok.

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?Yeaaaah but my romantic prospects are pretty bleak tbh, I graduate and move away in a few months

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?No, not really. But I’m not mad about it anymore.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”CUTE BABY CLOSE BY !!!!!!!!!

4: What’s something you really want right now?to cry, i’m having the big sads

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?always

6: Do you like the beach?i love the beach!!!!!!!!! i grew up in a seaside town, the beach feels like the best parts of home

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?yes ?? it was cramped and uncomfortable

8: What’s the background on your cell?the photo of me, san, kahl, chez, frau, bagel and spags in the louvre

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?mine(right now), Thea’s, Lizzie’s, .. Keir’s?

10: Do you like your phone?yeah but i’d like it more if the screen wasn’t so cracked

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?lol no, it’s definitely not

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?i genuinely don’t remember !

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?rottweiler, i love dogs that look a little mean but have big hearts

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?pffffft, that’s hard to answer but i’d say generally emotional, most of the time it’s harder to get rid of emotional pain

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?both ?! i want to support the breeding of endangered animals that happens in zoos and see the cute animals but also i love a good rembrandt ?!

16: Are you tired?exhausted

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?since i was born

18: Are they a relative?my mother!

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?not a fucking chance

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?a few hours ago, i think

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?i don’t believe there’s a way to know nor do i think love works that way

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?hell yeah i would

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?none!

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?“if you make bad choices, own them” - my dad

25: What’s on your mind?god, everything, idk im having a high key anxiety day

26: Do you have any tattoos?one pretty big one on my thigh

27: What is your favorite color?black !!!!!!!!!!

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?maybe tomorrow, we’ll see how it goes

29: Who are you texting?uhhh, no one? everyone is asleep

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?yes

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?all the time, my gut rarely lies

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?yes, his name is keir and he’s one of my best friends

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?i mean i’m dating someone so i fucking hope so

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?no ? i dont think ? i’ve had people say they’re big or the colour is interesting but idk

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?i’d cheer her on

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?yes

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?yes!

38: What do your friends call you?rae ?

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?yes

40: Have you ever cried over a text?pffft, yah

41: Where’s your last bruise located?my knee

42: What is it from?i fell over my own computer chair

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?today

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my mum, i think

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?not right now, most i just wear my plain black docs

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?no, i just tie is back

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?no, i really dont like my ears, idk why

48: Do you make supper for your family?yeah, my mum and step dad can’t cook

49: Does your bedroom have a door?ofc it does? what kind of bedroom doesn’t have a door? get these pretentious loft bedrooms out of my face

50: Top 3 web-pages?tumblr, ao3, youtube

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?plenty!

52: Does anything on your body hurt?period pains are all the rage today

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?yeah but i don’t tend to cry until they’ve already left so i look like i take them just fine

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?water......... this morning

55: How is your hair?fine? a bit damaged from the cold weather

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?wish i was still asleep

57: Do you think two people can last forever?yes

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?i dont fucking know

59: Green or purple grapes?GREEN or get out of my face

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?tomorrow~

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?yes

62: When will be the next time you text someone?tomorrow!

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?probably in bed still, but asleep

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.sleeping

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?no, i was getting over the end of a four year relationship

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?no

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?no

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?this sucks

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?many times

70: How many windows are open on your computer?ten! and they’re mostly your fics corey, go figure

71: How many fingers do you have?ten

72: What is your ringtone?i dont know, my phone is always on silent

73: How old will you be in 5 months?22 ~

74: Where is your Mum right now?sleeping in bed probably, idfk, she lives hours away

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?we grew up and grew apart but we were still okay until i had about four-six months of depression where i had to stop myself from doing something stupid daily and he didn’t notice despite us living together and sharing a bedroom (and those times i told him and he shrugged)

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?yes

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?yes! i still love them very much

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?annabelle

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?yes, there’s some grad students in the psych department called mike, they all look kinda the same too

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?yeah, i miss being able to do that regularly

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?more than i can count, my polyamorous ass has a crush on about seven people currently

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?no

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?i’m talking to one of them

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?i’d literally never do this

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?depends which drugs and how often, no one cares about a joint every few months

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?i spilled my popcorn and managed to hide that i had spilled it from my date pahaha

87: Who was your last received call from?my mum, wow it sounds like i talk to my mum a lot more than i do

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?yes, i hate bugs, give me the money

89: What is something you wish you had more of?time, energy, patience, money

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?no, i’m not someone who trusts easily

91: Do you sleep with your window open?only in the summer

92: Do you get along with girls?yes, anyone that doesn’t get on with someone because of their gender is an asshole

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?nope

94: Does sex mean love?hell no, it can be an expression of it but no

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?yeah she wold be freaking the fuck out because she’s locked in a room!

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?no, actually, i haven’t

97: Did you sleep alone this week?yes

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?yes ?

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?no, not at all

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?one of my besties, holly

#this took forever #but i definitely feel more tired now #rae answers #xenophonspeaks

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