#but then i saw another bengali dude talk about it. like actually talk about it

[tabzanite]

sometimes it genuinely escapes me that i have an identity that no one else has

i am me, yknow

#When you take an original character and slap on a new race or feature of identity to them you're saying you cant make an original characte #character with that kind of value. #like sometimes i forgot not everyone else is bengali American and when i find another one out in the wild its like #woah.... woah hi #and then it really like hits me yknow #cuz i can be as homo as i want. its easy to find others #but to find a bengali person with similar interests to me? i don't have that #aint even gotta be bengali. love my pakistani and indian siblings #and ig seein velma doin the race swappy thing #at first i was like “bro does it really matter all that much man like its a shit show stop getting angry over it” i was #honestly treating it lik rage bait lmaooo i still dont think its fully processed its not #but then i saw another bengali dude talk about it. like actually talk about it #and then it hit me like. i am south asian. this velma is south asian. #but is she actually? is this character I am seeing right now #is this what people see when they learn i am brown? is this what they imagine? is this an actual brown women? #and the answer is no. maybe if it was mindy kaling then yes it would be #now i cant say race swapping makes me angry. i don't care bro #literally its so much more EFFORT to care and why should i it'll all die down when its over #hate watching does nothing but fuel the things you dislike #but ig i rlly like sat down and thought about it. like rlly think about it #this character. even if the original ip WAS south asian. or even if this was an original character #its not perpetuating what its like. no no no not at all #its just putting the label on #making it known and #i dont know man i never expected stuff like this to irk me #i saw the guy i watch say this that stuck with me #smthn like that #and idk man #sorry for the rant but FUUUUUCK its hit me my identity is my identity

[lazilyhopefuluniverse-blog]

day 7: 22.3.2017

a better day with a better stomach. clearing the hazy fog a bit.

the seventh unproductive day saw a visit to 2 galleries and my first bus ride in delhi.

the art alive gallery is easy to miss in the posh, leafy settings of panchsheel enclave. but rather lovely entrance hidden from public view by several tall plants/trees. the gallery itself almost ended where it started. really small in other words. not a soul in sight except for one or two staff who peeped out. and mostly silent and respectful. paresh maity on display (vaguely heard of but no clue otherwise and didn't do any reading up). the paintings were all sceneries. boats, river, sunsets. mostly darker colours and screaming softly of bengal (of course i vaguely knew maity as a bengali surname). a photograph in paint. so far, ok. maybe because my brain can't wrap itself around the abstract (still for a variety of reasons barring a few), i suppose for me, like many others, the literal is easier to view or "get". 

now from entering and walking around not-super-impressed in the beginning, i walked out fairly impressed or with greater respect for maity. what caused that? to begin with, the non-impress was mainly a product of that perennial question to plague the not-so-keen-observer, what's special about these watercolours? while the technique that came off the canvass suggested skill, what made this more special than others, so as to attract an exhibition? what about watercolours by someone else thoroughly unschooled (in art school)? or what about his other classmates? what made this special enough to warrant a massive tome that was placed near the exit/entrance - which i spent a good several minutes leafing through and building that respect i spoke of towards the end - priced at 7000 rs? and with an introduction by gulzar. does reading about an artist, his struggles, thought processes, life history etc. - which clearly changed my perspective on the person - change the value of their work? that doesn't sound right. should the interesting biography of an author or film director make us judge his/her work? the more "interesting" the back story, the better the work? at least in the mind of the viewer who is now transposing all of the judgments from the person's life (aspects he/she may have found touching) onto the work and suddenly the worth of the person and his work increases. is that a correct way to look at anybody's work? doesn't that suppose that we're prejudiced towards liking a work irrespective of it’s actual artistic merit. that in turn begs the other question, what is artistic merit after all?

also, came across some interesting quotes in the book. food for thought.

there is no such thing as a great talent without great willpower.

 - honore de balzac

without obsession, life is nothing. - john waters

walked away with a copy of the exhibition leaflet. which was details on one side and a maity watercolour print on the other. a democratic and easy way for the masses to own paintings too. it is the only art that sits on my table, next to the dude.

another good note: no curatorial notes that made things so much more better i suppose. a blank mind to walk in with and not get swayed by others' talk. barring the book.

2nd gallery - nature morte. tougher to locate. posh locality again (art remains firmly in elite space?). a difficult to get into gallery - massive gates that locked out people not the traditional timing i suppose, and no board indicating the gallery's presence - once again, signifying that this was not for anybody and everybody? you ring a bell and someone comes by and opens the gate. and similarly on way out.

turned out to be a quick visit. too quick in fact so a little embarrassing as the artist was present and saw me come and would’ve seen me go so quickly but really there was no hang around vibe to it. her work reminded me very much of my syrian christian roots because the artist/sculptor was mallu christian too (?) and all of her work was heavy on religious symbolism, jesus, suffering and such. interesting. austere.

 x-x-x

1st bus ride in dilli: interesting, just 5 rupees for seemingly long distances but hot and sweaty because unfortunately summer approaches.

x-x-x

why am i only visiting galleries?

because they're free and/or cheap. because it's art and i like art. or at least i think i do. maybe after repeated viewings i may glean more from them. be less critical of the hoo-haa around it. more intellectual perhaps? 

because there doesn't seem to be anything else to do where i could do without company.