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dullahandyke · 5 years

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Kick it up a Notch

Summary: Sure, Deceit might have won the case, but Roman’s ruling on the punishment wouldn’t do... if he was going to convince Thomas to do the right thing, he’ll really need to kick it up a notch with his persuasion tactics... luckily, catchy tunes solve all sorts of problems.

Trigger Warnings: Deceit (he isn’t entirely sympathetic because he delights in his own bastardry, but also he isn’t abusive, and i like to call this version of Dee ‘asshole with a point’), there’s a lotta manipulation and Dee invades Thomas’ personal space a lot. Also there is One use of the f word but other than that, there isn’t any swearing.

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18884050

Notes: Deceit is a very, very, very unreliable narrator, his thoughts influencing the narration and he holds a hell of a grudge against Patton so there’s some Patton hate from Dee. Also, I do not own the original Kick it up a Notch song, it is entirely Team Starkid’s and this is just a parody. Here’s a link to the song in case you haven’t heard it, it’s pretty fundamental to the story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJ6d1uTVG64

“I hereby sentence you-”

“That’s not really necessary, I think now you see that all of this is-”

“-To one day at the St. Clifford’s Chapel on the day of Lee and Mary Lee’s wedding.”

Deceit hissed lowly, his face knotted with frustration and his eyes narrowed in the judge’s direction. “You can’t do that! That’s not how this works!” Roman furrowed his eyebrows, pointing his gavel rather dramatically at the liar. “Too bad, The Lie Who Didn’t Like Musicals, going to the wedding is what’s right.”, and his voice held all of the conviction of someone who’d stood in front of a mirror practicing for hours.

“Ah, back to the nicknames, are we, Your Honour?” The sickly-sweet words dripping off of his own tongue felt like poison in a way that almost made him pity Roman. Almost. The inferno in the pit of his stomach was still burning, bright and true. It fed on justice, and god was it hungry. “So I suppose cold, hard facts aren’t enough to sway you, then?” He arched an eyebrow at the far-away Logan, daring him to speak up before he was spoken over, but just as he saw the logical side open his mouth and lean forward to object and make himself heard, Deceit made sure that he cut him off before he could begin.

“Wait… maybe there’s something I could…” He shoved as much fake-realisation into his voice as he thought was realistic. Really, he had pushed this scenario to the back of his mind, hoping to convince Roman with the whole courtroom gesture, but at least the song he had written wouldn’t go to waste. He did love a bit of theatricality, even if the melody… wasn’t the most original. He snapped his fingers deftly and looked up to Roman. He smirked devilishly, turning the flirt on full-blast. “What do you say we go somewhere a bit more… familiar, ay Roman?”

Even though he was sure Patton and Virgil were protesting somehow, Deceit’s sole focus was on Roman. At his words, Roman looked up, curious, with a certain twinkle in his eye that Deceit wasn’t able to identify. And really, that was all the confirmation he needed to clap his hands and bring them to someplace surely familiar, even to the viewers.

Seconds later, the sides popped into the new environment, each taking their respective places. Patton, in the audience, not sure of what was happening but not liking it either way. Virgil, backstage, in a black turtleneck and the hallmark exhaustion of a techie. Logan, finally a bit more to the forefront now, sitting in front of a book on the history of musical theatre. And finally, Thomas and Roman, standing in the front of the stage, Roman a bit too far to the left to be considered centre-stage, but Thomas caught in the attention.

Finally, Deceit stepped forward from the back of the stage, emerging from a mustard-coloured curtain, taking the time to take in the scene around them, smiling at how everything was in its places. He cleared his throat, drawing all attention to him, and he grinned amicably, making sure the grin was just false enough that the sides knew who they were dealing with. He was not someone you could smile into submission, and they needed to know that if Patton was the one they were letting have the most influence. He opened his mouth to speak, and put on the customer-service voice that he knew Roman would have killed to have been able to do; he always went a bit too far in these things, and all of that bravado he hid behind was proof of that. Really, did he think he was fooling anyone?

“Thomas and those who are not Thomas, I welcome you to a… not quite evening, of entertainment. Please turn off your mobile phones, and may I remind you that no flash photography is allowed. I would tell you to take note of your closest fire exits, but there are none. Wait until intermission before bailing, please, as to do otherwise would be terribly rude. Please, enjoy the show-“

All of a sudden, his suave and debonair voice was interrupted by Virgil, and honestly, could he not, please? However, despite Deceit’s wishes, he did, indeed, speak in his meagre voice. “Yeah, no, I’m not buying it. We’ve reached our conclusion, why do we have to keep-” As Virgil’s outburst continued, Deceit sighed. Really, he had hoped he could just arrive, do his song, convince Thomas and then go back to his room to hug his giant plush snake and let his small, real snake crawl all over his face like the little cutie she was. Instead, it looked like he’d need to expend even more of his energy on this whole plan, just to get Thomas to do what was right for him! God, he had really underestimated how easy it was to be Patton; he was a formidable opponent, if only because of how much everyone else blindly trusted him.

As he zoned back in on the edgy side’s monologue, he lifted his hand swiftly in a familiar motion, Virgil’s once frantically gesticulating hand now slapped over his struggling mouth. Deceit focused back onto the performance. “Now, where were we?” He motioned towards the pit, waiting for his previously-set music to be played, but apparently, even in the mindspace, Alexa decided that it was too good for Deceit to look cool via motion controls, so it decided to be difficult. He huffed to himself, before leaning forward and shoving his face directly into the pit. “Alexa, play Kick It up a Notch instrumental.” The robot in question made a little beeping noise, and the recorded voice of Deceit counting himself in started playing.

The man in question took big strides until he was stood back next to Thomas, walking in time to the voice counting him in, because if you were to sing a show-stoppin’ number, you have to go all out. That’s just common knowledge. As the voice reached ‘one’, he opened his mouth, donning his best silky smooth singing voice, secure in the knowledge that his snake had loved this song.

“Commitments to events! Are they worth all their expense? To miss such a big opportunity!” As he waxed poetic about why friends were overrated, he kept a keen eye on his fellow sides. Well, the other sides were reacting in some way, but Roman… Roman was looking at him with the kind of sceptical curiosity that could really only come from seeing a snake man that you hate but fundamentally agree with performing a musical number tailor made to your interests. He smirked; he could easily win Roman over if he played to his interests. After all, if Roman got riled up enough about something, nothing could stop him. He was Deceit’s key to success, and he knew all of his weaknesses.

“Go to your new arrangements! Forget about those past engagements! Instead, take this lifetime chance to be, ooooon theeeee biiiiig screeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!” As a rogue piano note made itself known, he broke into an easy grin. He could see the cogs turning in Thomas’ head, but they were still bogged down by Patton’s ideology. He sneaked a look over at the side in question; there he was, sat trapped through Deceit’s effort. Good, that was working; Virgil was having a particularly hard time leaving his corner, after all, no matter how hard he tried.

However, no matter whether or not he could move, there was no mistaking his disbelieving face. No doubt he was trying to come up with a way to intervene, but of course, it would be very rude to interrupt a live performance, and so he kept his manipulative mouth shut. Deceit smirked smugly, allowing himself to bask in the joy of everyone’s eyes on him, watching and waiting for his next move. They were finally paying attention, and that was all that mattered.

“Hmm… What do you say you answer the call-back, Thomas?” Deceit arched one of his eyebrows as Thomas furrowed his. “But, we’ve already been through-” And oh, of course, they’d already talked it through once, so what could returning to the topic possibly do for them? Maybe it could, I don’t know, help them reach the correct conclusion now that Patton was out of the equation? But that was just a suggestion, of course, as whatever came out of Deceit’s mouth couldn’t possibly be the right answer, no, that was just preposterous.

“Now listen to me, my confused friend.” He grinned like a particularly friendly shark. “We are friends, after all!” He moved uncomfortably close to Thomas, pulling him into a one-armed hug and booping his nose with a gloved hand, pushing it harshly enough to make it just slightly painful. “I know you have your share of doubts and fears, but this is your chance! You can take charge! Push the limits!” He unconsciously pulled Thomas closer to him, caught up in the idea of Thomas grasping his future with both hands instead lending one to someone else’s.

“You gotta be determined. Persevere! To coin a phrase, act the part!” Deceit chuckled at what he thought was some very humorous wordplay, and he pushed himself away from Thomas, placing his gloved hands on his host’s shoulders and pulling him across from him, facing him head-on, and in that moment, it seemed that he had become a bit taller. Well, about time. He had always seemed to be shorter than the other sides, and it didn’t do anything to help intimidate them.

He looked out into the audience, drinking in Patton’s panicked expression at Thomas’ resolute feelings melting into uncertainty. Good. He needed a bit of competition. He turned back to Thomas, resolve hardening as the backing track picked up speed. Now, it was time for the real show to begin! The preface was over, and now it was time for a song they’d be sure to remember! Well, they’d better. He’d spent a while manipulating multiple songs he’d heard Roman singing recently, and it had taken him and his snake ages to narrow it down to the right choice.

“You’d better kick it up a notch, if you’re ever gonna reach your goal.” He tore his hands from Thomas’ shoulders, deciding that staying stationary wasn’t something that suited this song. Hell, it didn’t particularly suit him – he preferred to be a bit more… touchy-feely. Let whoever you’re persuading never forget that you are there, constantly weighing in on them in a way that they can’t ignore; an arm around a shoulder, a hand on the hip, even just a pat of the head is enough to remind them that you are there, you are real and they will pay attention to you, whether they want to or not.

“You can’t sit around and watch, your destiny is in your control.” As he sang, he walked around Thomas slowly, making sure he was violating his personal space as he did. His steps were slow, measured, almost calculated, making sure that Thomas felt with every inch of his crawling skin that Deceit was nearby, and he wasn’t going away anytime soon. His hand trailed around Thomas’ side, almost purring out the words he was singing, voice as sultry and smooth as possible, keeping his eyes solely on Thomas. Although, for one second, he looked over to Roman, making eye contact as he painted a smirk onto his face, and before he dragged his eyes over to Thomas’ once more, he thought he saw the romantic side blush.

“Go ahead and, kick it up a notch.” Deceit walked out from Thomas, leaving the man to regain some sense of personal space, walking over to stage right, backwards, may he add, which made him like, 10x cooler instantly. His arms were held out beside him, in a ‘what can you do’ pose, but really, what could Thomas do? Deceit knew. Roman knew. Patton knew. Everyone knew what Thomas could do, but no one had the clarity to realise it was right, so it was up to Deceit to stand up for his beliefs. Well, he supposed Roman knew it was right, but under the bravado, he was nothing but a coward, and he planned to use that to his advantage. “If your life is at a level too low…”

All of a sudden, he was at the left side of Thomas, arm around him, running the other hand down the host’s face, taking advantage of his newfound height. Thomas jumped, before looking into Deceit’s eyes, and his ever-present smirk grew wider, this time in the name of real emotion instead of intimidation. This smirk was the culmination of a lifetime of vitriol aimed towards Patton for good reason, a lifetime of being seen as nothing but a villain, a lifetime of being ignored and demeaned and told he was malicious and wrong when he knew he was right – it was all blending into this feeling of contentedness and satisfaction and justice.

“There’s no attempt that you can botch, when all you gotta do is just give it a go!” He creeped ever closer to Thomas, unsettling the man more and more, even going as far as to lay a head on the man’s shoulder, his cheek pressed into the crook of his neck. He sighed dramatically, gesturing towards himself. “But then again, what would I knoooo-ooooo-oo-o-ooow?” He tore himself from the host as if he had been burned, and, in a way, he had been. The feeling of another living, breathing, real person next to his own body was something that he had always wished for, and now he had the chance to do it, he was touching his host like it was nobody’s business, and, in a way, it was. This was between Thomas and Thomas, and no one else was involved in this, be it the more anxious aspect that just dragged everyone down, or the logical side that had always been thrown to the side-lines, and did he even need to mention Patton?

All of a sudden, his hands were on Thomas again, shoving him into a cage that hadn’t been there a moment ago. Thomas flew back, hands flying backwards to catch himself before he flopped onto his back. Deceit lowered himself to Thomas’ level, crouching down to make eye contact and for whatever reason, Thomas couldn’t look away. “What I see right there is a prisoner who’s trapping himself in a cage!” With a snap of a finger, all of a sudden Thomas’ cage was sliding to the back of the stage, allowing Deceit to take centre stage as he looked back to the cage, taking in Thomas’ form as it shakily stood, hands grasping at the bars. The liar had his back turned to the audience. Well, this was never a performance meant for Patton, anyway. He looked over to Roman, still standing on the stage, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else but also more intrigued than Deceit had ever seen him. He held a longing in his eyes that Deceit recognised from seeing in the mirror almost every day since he had been formed. This was his chance for a better life, and all it took was a little nudge from Deceit to do it.

Deceit went from looking at Roman to looking with him. He locked eyes with the fanciful side, the side of dreams, the only side that, in Deceit’s opinion, had ever had his priorities straight. Well, not straight straight. Deceit had had enough pretending to be that for a lifetime. “Kick it up a notch, if you want that silver stage!” Roman’s eyes glimmered in recognition, considering the snake’s offer more and more by the second. Who knew it could be so easy to make someone do something they really want to do?

“Well, being in a movie would be really cool…” Roman started, eyes darting towards the sides that were not the most important one, as if trying to tread lightly, and oh, how sad was that? Thomas’ hopes, his dream, his deepest fantasies and what makes him happy, were being constantly bogged down time and time again by the other sides to the point of trying not to upset them, even if it meant missing out on a lifetime opportunity like this. Stepping on a few people’s toes was worth it if it meant Thomas’ whole life could change for the better.

“It would, wouldn’t it! Thomas, in an Alfred Hitchcoppolucas movie! He could kick-start his whole career!” “But, Mary Lee and Lee-” And oh, how nice for Patton to get involved! The one time Deceit got to speak, Patton just had to be a part of it. He couldn’t stay quiet for two seconds without getting involved, and that was dangerous. His influence could make or break Thomas’ life, and Deceit wasn’t going to let him break it.

Deceit was going to need a little extra firepower if he wanted to win Roman and Thomas over. He knew he was going to feel it in the morning, but it was worth it if everything went according to plan. He snapped his fingers, and all of a sudden, Virgil and Logan were rising from their places, not of their own volition if one was to believe the panicked look in their eyes (which they should), and they met Roman at centre stage, Deceit having stepped back to Thomas’ cage to lean on the bars and watch the show.

All three sides moved in unison, dancing to the beat of the music from Alexa and all donning simple smiles onto their faces, swaying eerily side to side, Roman’s grin more realistic than the others. This is why they stayed on the side-lines; they weren’t good actors in the slightest. But hell, he needed to prove a point, and if the chorus had to come in to back him up, so be it.

Deceit locked eyes with Patton and made the manipulative side clap a hand over his own mouth. Sure, it wasn’t necessary, and he was already expending too much energy as it was, but it was more than a gesture to shut Patton up; it was a show of power. This was Deceit’s turf, and he had to make sure Patton knew that before he got cocky again. He coyly placed a finger over his finger in a gesture of silence, eyes turning to the sides dancing in the centre of the stage.

As he did, they opened their mouths and began to sing, an eerie lilt adopted by their voices, each voice a different octave but ultimately in the same key. “All you gotta do is kick it up a notch, to dig yourself out of this hole! You wanna have the things you want? Then you gotta give that dice a roll!” They all smirked in unison, Logan and Virgil’s face blankly smiling while their eyes screamed for out, but Roman’s… Roman’s face was much more interesting. He had never seen anyone more conflicted, and he had watched Thomas realise he was gay. On the outside, it seemed he was thankful for this opportunity to get Thomas to do the right thing, but there was a certain tension to his eyebrows, smile not quite right and eyes aflame with doubt. Deceit pouted; that wouldn’t do. He sighed as he expended even more energy to push the choreography and lyrics into Roman, overtaking his mind with the smooth music of Starkid.

It worked. Roman’s face lit up, no longer hampered by doubt and fear for what the other sides will think, mind whirring with ideas of how this could positively influence Thomas’ whole life. Deceit looked smugly at Thomas as the man tried to grapple with what was going on, why he was being overwhelmed by hopes and dreams. All of a sudden, the cage hit Deceit’s moving fist, the energy rebounding through it and unbalancing Thomas as it did. The man fell to the floor, this time staying down as he sat, fearfully looking between the dancing sides. Roman stepped towards Thomas’ cage, sliding down to the host’s height as he crouched on the floor, voice buttery-smooth as he reached out to caress Thomas’ cheek.

“Kid, kick it up a notch! What’s the point of less when there is more?” Roman sang in a falsetto Deceit didn’t know he had, and he stood back up, yanking Thomas’ face up as he did, hand still holding onto his cheek and forcing the host to stand up. Logan and Virgil approached from behind, and as Roman made way for them, they bounced to the sinister beat. It had taken so damn long to create a backing track by ear – he’d gone to the effort of learning the piano, for hell’s sake! Thomas had better appreciate this – hell, Roman had better appreciate this. Logan sang next, voice as deep as Virgil liked to think he was. “Forget about friends.” Virgil cut in next, meagre voice having graduated to singing instead of just angstily hating Deceit. “They just let you watch, so when opportunity knocks at your door, you let it in and then you-” “Reach out for more!” All three sang at the same time surrounding Thomas’ cage and leaning in close enough for Thomas to be immensely uncomfortable. Never let them forget you’re there.

Finally, the one, the only, Deceit the magnificent took his rightful place in the spotlight once more as he sang, snapping his fingers and popping the other sides back to their places as the liar made himself known once more. “Life is short so before it’s over, take a chance and think it through!” He moved away from the cage only to move closer to sing the next line, and if he did a spin on his way back, that was nobody’s business but his own. “You better kick it up a notch, it’s the human thing to do!” His voice reached a peak at the end, and where he had previously planned a euphoric laugh, he fell silent. A man on the brink of tears shouldn’t be one to laugh, it’s never convincing. It’s not like he was getting worked up about this, or anything, it’s just that his Patton allergies were acting up.

“It’s a big, big world out there… So many weddings, are they all worth attending?” He scowled, shoving as much vitriol into his voice as he could, aiming his next words directly at the still-mute Patton. “Stop pretending.” He turned back to Thomas, voice softer but still angry and passionate. “It’s your life.” His voice went even softer, voice wistful and filled with awe. “What an invention… Life…” He grabbed onto one of the bars, hand inside the glove shaking with the intensity of which he was doing so. “There is some choice involved in what life you’re livin’!”

He turned so both hands were grasping the bars, voice raised to a shout as he screamed out in desperation. “You’re your own person, take what you’re given!” He coughed awkwardly, removing his hands from the bars and straightening his tie. “B-but” He took a deep breath, calming himself down as he did. “You wanna be a good person… or is that really what you want?” He raised an eyebrow doubtfully, making eye contact with his host as he towered over the man. “You wanna be in that movie? Well this might be your one and only shot!”

He turned away from the cage, letting the shadow the harsh stage lighting cast upon the floor speak for itself as he gesticulated grandly, looking in Roman’s direction but not quite at him. “You could go to the wedding, sitting sullen and depressed, or you could reach out and grab all you’ve ever wanted! All I ask is that you do what you’ve always truly wanted!” At that, he looked Roman in the eyes, the conflict evident on his face, but it looked like he was winning, shaking loose of the other side’s debilitating grasp. Deceit let himself show a small smile, one that would have been much larger if he hadn’t been under the pretence of composure. He turned back to the host, looking him right in the eyes, noticing that the man had his mind made up. He took the key to the cage out of his pocket and dangled it on a string for the man to grab. “So Thomas, what do you say?”

“I... I…”

He took it.

“I think I’ll kick it up a notch! I can take control of my own life!” “That’s the spirit! Make them be the ones to watch, how ‘bout that?” Their voices melded together, united in the fire of righteousness, ignorant of anyone who would dare drag them down. “Who are they to deprive us of wanting to-” The lyrics split off for both of them, but their voices still sang as one, overlapping each other and drowning out any protests as Thomas opened the door to the cage and stepped out steadfastly. “I’m gonna make my life damn better!” “Kick it up a notch, never give yourself reason to doubt!” “I’m gonna make my life damn better!” “You gotta strike it while it’s hot, ‘cause that’s what livin’s all about!” “I’m gonna make my life damn better!” “My dear Thomas, time the lights went out!”

All of a sudden, they stopped, Thomas having migrated to the other side of the stage. He waved to Deceit and smiled. “Well, I’ll see you around, Deceit. Thanks.” And he said it so sincerely, that for a genuine minute, Deceit believed it. “Oh, uh- you’re- you’re welcome, Thomas.” Thomas left the courtroom with a snap of his own fingers, and it was then that Deceit sobered up. Suddenly, the aches and pains that came with using that much of his energy came ploughing into him, and even though he would like nothing more than to collapse into bed, it was time for one more victory dance.

“That’s not what he wants!” It seems that with pain came the loss of all of Deceit’s power, for Patton was making his way onto the stage as Logan and Virgil exchanged looks that just screamed ‘I have no idea what the hell to do so now I’m looking at you I guess.’ In Patton’s haste to get onto the stage, he stepped on Alexa, the backing track jumping as the hardware was damaged, so like, Patton, what the fuck? Those cost money, and unless he intends to pay Deceit back with that one dollar that Deceit knows was taken from him, Patton doesn’t have any money! He’d better at least leave a bouquet of flowers Deceit’s door, maybe a card if he was pushing his luck.

Deceit scowled, but whether it be at Patton’s words, Patton interrupting him or Patton stepping on his goddamn Alexa was to be speculated. “No, no, he’s told us what he wants! Break out the good clothes, boys! Soon, we act again!” He laughed evilly, hoping to strike fear into the hearts of Pattons everywhere, looking over to Roman to find him giggling along, giddy with the idea of working with Alfred Hitchcoppolucas. Deceit beamed and walked over to him, offering a hand in dance to the creative side. Roman took it in his fervor, and soon, Deceit was ballroom dancing with the fanciful side, consciously trying to ignore Patton, and, more importantly, make Roman ignore him.

He opened his mouth, his voice still as smooth and sultry as always despite how utterly exhausted he was. “Kick it up a notch, oh my plan is all about to unfold.” He spun Roman under him, Roman’s grin widening as he did. “Let’s put a twist into this plot. Tom, go forth, do everything that I’ve told ya.” As he sang the next line, Roman joined in (good) but so did Patton (very bad). “When we kick it up a notch…” “It’s worse for his friends!” Ah, there goes Patton, always so sure that his answer is the right one. Really, this must be good for him. He needed to be taken down a peg. Either way, Roman joined Deceit in protesting him, and oh, wasn’t that delicious? “But best for me!”

Roman held a note as Deceit went on to sing, both still dancing, but at some point, Roman was swapped for Patton, and now Deceit was holding onto Patton’s hands too tight, spinning him just a bit too wildly and accidentally stepping on his toes several times. “I’m gonna let our guy, once lost, be everything he’s wanted to be! Truly because I know he’s actually…” A wild spin, Patton left grasping for his bearings as Deceit wouldn’t stop spinning him.

“Make his life for the best, who cares about pleasing the rest?” Roman joined his song of victory. “Oh Thomas, I promise a treat!” Return to a solo, the liar’s voice gravelly as he could make it, finally letting Patton be as the ‘moral’ side walked away, shaken. “Let’s kick it up a notch.” “Kick it up a notch…” Roman chimed in, standing next to Deceit as he pulled Patton back one last time for a dip.

“So at last he’ll know what he needs!”

Shoutout to @rose-gold-roman for screaming about his fic with me (ur great broski) and to @captainofbadart for being on the same wavelength as me about Deceit and Kick it up a Notch!

Reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! Feedback is wanted.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #deceit sanders #sanders sides deceit #ts deceit #roman sanders #ts roman #logan sanders #ts logan #patton sanders #ts patton #virgil sanders #ts virgil #sanders sides fanfic #lowkey super proud of this.....

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smashpanda · 3 years

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Ani-Me #13: Groovin’ To That COWBOY BEBOP (Ep. 1-13)

Welcome to Ani-Me! The Series Where You Make Me Watch Anime! To be clear, you aren’t making me do anything because I have enjoyed every bit of this so far.

And surprise, nerds! Look what I’m doing! Haha, I actually had this whole fun plan to do the anime poll and then Ozymandias-style be like “I already WATCHED THE WHOLE SHOW!!!” But it would take too long to finish watching all of it (it’s been a busy as hell month). Besides, I got half way through the show and decided that was definitely enough space to really dig into how I was feeling about the start. So without further ado, it’s time for…

Today’s Entry: COWBOY BEBOP (1998-1999)

So, I’m doing this because I felt like I needed to have reckoning with this show.

That’s because I actually tried watching it once before. This was about 10 years ago. An old friend thought it was positively insane that I had never seen it before. He wasn’t the first to sing its praises either. Even at the time I was open to the idea and gave it the old college try for a bunch of episodes, but… it didn’t take. I think I was mostly crashing up against the proverbial rocks of all those tangible details I was not prepared for. Which were really just the kinds of things that had kept me out of anime for so long. Like the facial contortions being so different from western animation. Or the way this particular story seemed to fixate on cool posturing in a way that likely would have more appealed to me during my teenage years. Heck, I was even wondering why there was a romantic, emotional pop song at the end (again, I had REALLY not seen a lot of anime). Then there was that very complicated issue of “fan service,” because I was watching with someone who was like WHY ARE HER BOOBS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE!?!?! Simply put: they were really not having it. Plus the fact that we were watching the dubbed version, which felt like it played into a number of sexist tropes. So much of this was the problem with my initial experience.

But I imagine anime fans are so fucking tired of these kinds of complaints from outsiders, no? Hell, even just a year into this column series, I’m tired of them, too. But here’s the thing: these complaints are the common obstacles for outsiders and some are not without merit. And as much the casual dismissal from outsiders about anime can rankle, it’s also important to remember how it is for the outsiders - to realize how much of that anime-fan tiredness manifests online in the forms of equally-casual dismissals (mostly from toxic white dudes) for “not getting fan service,” etc. Point is, misunderstanding and excuse-making can go in a lot of directions. And honestly it was all part of the system of why I think I stayed away from anime for so long?

Thankfully, everything’s about timing.

So much of this column series has been about throwing myself in the deep end, getting used to the cinematic language, knowing the filmmakers, and growing comfortable with the cadence of a particular form. But honestly, I think so much of it has to do with just being much older, too. Basically, I calmed the fuck down. The previous things that bothered me are still there, but it just feels like so much less of a big deal. Even “the rules” of what I tend to believe about storytelling are so much more expansive. As they say, finally “I’m not young enough to think I know everything.” Along with that, there’s the popular online joke that something “hits different,” but coming back to Cowboy Bebop after a decade… it hits different. Like I said, timing is everything. Which brings us to another reason I really wanted to do this now…

So John Cho goes to my grocery store a lot.

A little while ago I saw him in full Spike hair and it was rad as hell.

So I’ve also been thinking a lot (read: too much) about how to cover Anime TV. Ideally, I like the idea of doing one giant essay about a series, but sometimes 1) overall thoughts don’t take on essay-like form the way they did with, say, Evangelion. And 2) that sometimes takes out the fun of talking about little things in each episode. But at the same time, I don’t want to feel the need to do the FULL RECAP thing with every episode, which sometimes bogs down the more important thoughts / gets repetitive (I felt like I ended up doing that with a lot of Korra recaps). So really, it’s going to be a case by case basis. And for Cowboy Bebop, I decided on a sort of “fly casual” approach with no plot recapping - just the evolution of my thoughts along with some other random passing ones. And it will all likely crest into big overall thoughts that will come with the end of the series.

Cool? Cool.

1. ASTEROID BLUES

“Oh, this is good, isn’t it?”

I said this to myself while watching and I simply cannot explain the difference the subs make for me personally when it comes to this show. Like I know the dub has a lot of fans and history, but everything about hearing the show in Japanese just plays stronger to me. The rhythm, the cadence, and most of all the timing of jokes. There’s just this way each of their voices better line up with the droll affectation of the show. Combine that with me finally being used to a lot of anime’s particularly cinematic language? The show just plays so FUNNY now. Like I’m laughing out loud four times an episode. But that’s not the only thing that’s changed.

When I tried watching a decade ago, there was also this funny thing where I was having a very different relationship to the cinematic affectations of the late 90’s. Like how much of this episode reflects the El Mariachi / Desperado machismo that defined a certain kind of posturing coolness. Back then I worried a lot about that specific brand of indulgence. But now it all feels so silly and playful (as if, at the time, I wasn’t so much reacting to the worry of that coolness as how much the me of TWO decades would have eaten it up). Like I was the perfect age when this show came out the first time.

But I think that’s the real thing that hits me now with the episode: how playful it all feels. Like the absurd shot of the woman leaning on the counter to drink beer, the cat drinking all the crap on the ground, the sole motive of wanting beef, and Spike fitting a whole sandwich in his mouth. It takes none of these things seriously - except when it takes them seriously, of course. The episode’s structure is really built around the two bait and switches. The first is the fun fake pregnancy where it turns out that’s where she keeps the vials. And the second - tragic, with her death. Fast. Brutal. Forlorn. From minute one it’s sort of spelling out the tonal nature of this show: the fast loose hijinks > serious comeuppance > the Sisyphean process of bounty hunting without success… But hey, at least they got that beef.

It’s an apt metaphor.

2. STRAY DOG STRUT

In my original go round, I remember this being the episode liking this enough to stick with it longer. But now it plays even better. It’s kind of a classic fun and games episode, with the great set-up for the dog reveal - and the classic “lose but kinda win” ending a la Santa’s Little Helper (along with the dramatic irony that the dog is worth millions). I think I actually referenced this two columns ago, but there’s this kind of “kafka-esque’’ funny edge to the show. That “there is hope, but not for us” sentiment that populates a show of lovable losers trying and failing to navigate life’s absurdity.

But what I also like is that it’s not from a complete lack of competence. The gag where they both look up from the aquarium and Spike’s already got the gun drawn? That’s perfect stuff. Same goes with Spike absent-mindedly missing Abdul because he has shit on his foot. Both help establish this incredibly enduring character that thrives on both confidence and a genuine lack of awareness (which is often how he is able to pull a fast one on the audience, too).

The episode also helps clarify the show’s setting of an American Cultural Diaspora, filtered through the lens of Japanese culture. Could the Abdul stuff read as problematic? Oh absolutely, but the Game of Death / Way of the Dragon reference is also so singular to Kareem Abdul Jabbar’s influence that I’m not sure how much intention exists from the creators outside of it. And for an episode that delivers hijinks like Spike stealing the “just married” car and the incredible sound cue / animation of the corgi slapping onto the hood of his ship… I can’t help but smile.

3. HONKY TONK WOMAN

Ahhhhhh Faye Valentine. It’s funny, I wont say that I’m “used” to fan service at this point, nor really have any interest in excusing its extreme nature… I’m just sort of not letting it stop me from engaging everything around it? Does that make sense? But once again, I can’t explain just how much original language helps her character specifically. Megumi Hayashibara has this kind of wonderfully bored, disinterested tone that fits the characterization better.

The other thing that really hit with this episode was the James Bond-ness of the series (I mean in this gambling-centric episode drrr). But it’s the riff on the silhouettes in the opening titles, the pastiche of cool, and again, I keep coming back to that late 90’s disaffection that falls in line with Bond’s unruffled ethos. To wit, there’s a reason young men like disaffected characters, of course. In that it’s just as much of a power fantasy as so many other things are. They have all these budding, confused emotions and life feels so uncontrollable, so it becomes easy to grasp onto characters who play it cool, who show suaveness and are unbothered by the ups and downs going around them. Of course they want to be like that.

Which would normally be a possible “indulgence problem” if this show wasn’t also so keen on taking the piss out of Spike and company. That’s the thing: it’s just so damn playful at the same time. Unlike something Bond-esque, it’s always looking to make Spike the punchline. And the twisty, confusion-laden plots of chip-swapping and rubes and one one-ups-man-ship? I cackled constantly. And I have to say the fight in this one is so, so good. And the last line?

“Bye” … chef’s kiss… is… is that thing the kids still say?

insert grandpa face

4. GATEWAY SHUFFLE

It’s probably weird that THIS is the thing that most stands out to me, but it’s weird how much Twinkle reminds me of “Mom” from Futurama, right down to her large adult sons. I also like how much the episode plays with the dramatic irony of Spike and company being totally oblivious idiots (which will be a running gag), especially them on the verge of killing themselves with the virus. Also also, it establishes the sheer volume of problems that Spike fixes with sleight of hand. Also also also, there’s the fact that this episode is where Faye joins the team for good, thus setting up the fun larger team dynamics.

Is it weird that I don’t have much more to say about this one? It sort of reflects the way some Bebop episodes just feel slight in a way, which isn’t to say they aren’t fun or don’t have good gags. It’s just sort of the nature of this show, sometimes. Cause you’ll get an episode like this and then the next time you’ll get… Well, you’ll get an episode like…

5. BALLAD OF FALLEN ANGELS

“Who is this Sephriroth mother fucker?!?!?”

Such is the way I noted the entrance of Vicious. Given the overlapping timeline, I’m guessing there was something about long gray haired evil dudes with big swords in the water? Either way, the far more obvious influence on this one is John Woo. There’s the gunplay. The cathedral. The operatic posturing. It all brings me back to a place and time so vividly. That place and time being a teenager in the 90’s with a camcorder, boy, I can’t tell you how often we ran around with toy pistols diving off to the side and putting it in slow motion (we could never seem to find doves, but were always on the hunt for a group of pigeons to run through). This instinct also highlights the potential problems with these tropes. It would be SO easy for this to be nothing more than juvenile posturing / copying an en vogue aesthetic, but - as I’m learning is common for this show - Cowboy Bebop kind of hits this different note entirely…

Mostly thanks to the score. Because it all comes back to that ending with the haunting chorus of Green Bird, which gives me an array of complex feelings (along with it being a song I’ve had in my head for weeks now). On a pure aesthetic level, the scene is perfect. The pure combination of image, sound, and symbolism to hit an emotional response so squarely. A decade ago I felt this moment was more about hiding the story in a way - as if teasing backstory instead of even showing it - which isn’t entirely wrong, but now it feels more economical than anything, merely touching a lot I can have patience that will be dealt with . And more important than the specifics is understanding what it means to Spike emotionally - how much Vicious is part of his life and lost love and injury and pain, the cycles of opera and birth death rebirth death that all fit the same lyrics to the song…

“Spring has come

Worms are showing their faces

Little birds are eating them

Spring has come

Children are going to school

Farm dogs are giving birth to puppies

Spring has come

Women are looking in mirrors

Egg pies are baking”

In short, I understand why it’s a classic.

6. SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL

It’s here I realize that writing about Cowboy Bebop is a bit counter to my general instincts. For I’m someone who likes digging into problems because it helps me understand things. With Korra or Falcon and The Winter Solider or something, I can stop, dig into the structural problems of a given episode, talk about approach, and feel like everyone was coming out the other side with a bigger understanding. I get that sense of purpose. But what’s odd about this show is everything is incredibly sound on the writing front. Every weekly “session” gives us a contained, thoughtful, playful little story with little differing nuances (it actually reminds me a lot of the Lone Wolf and Cub story structure, which yes, I’ve read all of by the way). And it’s no different with this episode (which also reminded me a bit of the ventriloquist dummy episode of Buffy?). There’s even so many really great things that stand out. Like this is the first episode where Faye really clicked for me (the gag where she casually eats the dog food is an all-timer). I also loved the kid getting Last Crusade-ed at the end.

But the “what makes us care” is a whole other ball of wax. Because this was the last episode I watched in my initial trial a decade ago. There wasn’t any big reason I stopped, just that simple lack of interest. And I think it speaks to the trouble of telling stories about disaffected characters. The whole idea is that they’re often hiding pain or interest or backstory or whatever else. Then the idea is you’re slowly supposed to peer in (and I’m far enough into the show to know how they do that). But if you’re not really all in on a character’s emotional journey from those critical starts? Sometimes it’s hard to work up that investment. If I was watching this as a teenager in the 90’s? I would likely have a whole different feeling because I’m watching in more of an aspirational sense. But watching an episode like this, from where I am now? I understand why it’s easy to feel a lack of connection, even when the boy is giving all the tears about the release of death… It feels like an emotion on display, a thing I’m looking at, but kept a distance from - and thus a harder thing to certainly feel.

7. HEAVY METAL QUEEN

For shits and giggles I watched this one with dub. It’s interesting because it instantly reminded me that part of the reason I like subs so much is it needs your undivided attention. With the dub? Suddenly my eyes could wander, sometimes to twitter sometimes and then I’d realize I missed something and rewind a second. In that capacity the subs are actually allowing for more distraction? Which is why 1) I worry that most shows seem designed to be watched with someone half paying attention and 2) I tend to watch things sans phone as much as possible. Look, it’s not that this multitasking activity is “bad” inherently. I love listening to podcasts as I cook or clean. It’s just with cinema it’s so easy to do and miss out on what I really want to be doing. Which is being enveloped in a story.

Anyway, I’m more or less good with this episode. I wish I had more to say than that. But once again I feel like I’m coming out of an episode with an “okay, that was solid” feeling. Perhaps because also plays into 90’s dated-ness in a way where all the things that should feel modern feel just so… heteronormative? I dunno. It’s like VT feels like a character I should be adoring, but with 20 years she feels like a half-measure. And even at the time, it’s really hard to get past the dude in the sombrero ogling the waitress who looks like lady liberty. Like, the gross metaphor is utterly clear, and not in a way where it’s countering it on any level. But there’s always those moments of elation, like Spike firing his space gun to better direct himself back - that make the show still feel special.

8. WALTZ FOR VENUS

So this is the first episode I unequivocally loved.

Perhaps it’s just because it does some of my absolute favorite writing things. Like, hurray! They finally got paid! But true to understanding their ethos, it happens almost immediately in the opening, thus setting up proper expectations for what is to follow. And then it does my absolutely favorite thing, which is make you absolutely care for a character you hate without realizing that’s what it’s doing. Roco at first comes off as annoying, jealous, brash, etc. But with time and perspective, the eagerness ends up being motivated. And the way it all crests into him using the “like water” teachings of Spike’s supernatural reflexes? Perfect moment!

And then he gets fucking shot.

I literally screamed NO in my living room. But that’s what good writing does, it takes you through journeys subtlety then knocks you on your ass with whiplashing emotion (I also realized this entire beat, right down to the thumbs up in the middle, happens in Mad Max: Fury Road). And what’s more is that even on death’s door stop, all his eagerness and wonder could be summed up in that youthful question: “Hey, if I knew you earlier, would we have been friends?” Gah, it’s just gutting. And so absolutely perfect in its dramatic articulation.

With this kind of competent writing on the “fun / plot” level, it’s also funny how much I remember the little details that the show is so good at. Like the use of the Hagia Sophia on Venus. Or the way the rich guy shouts to save himself and then gets his toupee knocked off.

… And then there’s those super gay panic 90’s details like shoving the gun in gay man’s throat that make my skin fucking crawl. As good as things can be, those ugly shadows loom large.

9. JAMMING WITH EDWARD

I love that they finally get around to explaining why earth sucks and everyone is in space in episode 9! This is also one of those episodes where the cyberpunky-ness of a rogue A.I. would play more fresh back in the late 90’s? By now it’s just hard to grab onto, given how many times we’ve seen this plot done again and again. But thankfully, the show has the complete dignity to continue its tradition of being playful instead of serious, in that MPU is a little freaking weirdo whom I am glad escapes.

I sort of don’t know what to make of Ed yet? I like certain affectations and weirdness, but I’m hoping it crests into something interesting. Otherwise, most of my notes cater around very specific reactions to moments. Like how Nazca lines were just in my trivia league! Or how the episode had huge Android: Netrunner vibes! Also a Summer Wars-like internet world! And great quotes like “there’s nothing made on earth that’s good” and paying it off with the cheap missile firing a dud.

But I also just want to mention lines like, “I hear that that hacker is gay hahaha” which I want to come back to because I don’t think is just a “Japanese culture” thing. That’s a “90’s gay panic” thing. And what’s important to talk about with these moments is that I don’t handwave them now as being dated and in the past. Because they weren’t “the past” for me. They were what I lived in. And revisiting it all from where I am now makes me FURIOUS. That’s because they were all part of a gay panic culture of the 90’s than gave me so many internal complexes and fears about being bisexual (I didn’t understand that’s what I was, really, I was mostly terrified I was gay and thought it would literally get me killed) and bunch of other stuff. It was just brutal. And I spent that entire decade around all this kind of media being like “hahahhahaha no big deal, right guys?” and I didn’t realize inside it was just tearing me apart - in the worst sense of making me deeply afraid in myself. It wasn’t the past, it was hell.

Anyway!

10. GANYMEDE ELEGY

I was wondering when we’d get to a Jet episode. So far he’s been the kind of character I don’t know much to make of. He mostly exists to be a no-nonsense foil to Spike’s irreverence. But even in this episode, a lot of his gruffness comes off as harmless, but then there’s the “be strong for her” ggRrrRRrrr pRoTeCt wOmAn philosophy just rubs me the wrong way. Though I think there’s a lot of valid reasons people gravitate toward characters like Jet? Even if I hesitate to get all pop-psych with it, I think characters like this remind a lot of people of their dads? I dunno, more curious what others think.

But Jet’s backstory completely fits it with what I’m now calling the C.B.M.O. (Cowboy Bebop Modus Operandi) in that it presents a forlorn, almost classical noir backstory - doesn’t go too deep with it, leans heavy on the pastiche, but at least has the dignity to be fun in the process. And by the time we get to the ending, the final confrontation with Alisa and Rhint still plays emotionally valid, which I think is all you need in this show (including strong thematic gestures of literally throwing the watch AKA your past into the ocean).

But also once again, what’s more burned into my mind is little moments and decisions. It’s trying to light the lighter with the bad memory cooked up in your head. It’s underlining the dramatic irony of tragedy with cutting lines like “this must be because i have good karma.” Also that end song totally sounded a lot like Seal’s “Kiss From A Rose.” Also we got gem lines like…

“I live and wander with a group of weirdos now”

I do, too… I do, too.

11. TOYS IN THE ATTIC

Let’s get right to the plum gag: bahahahahahhahahah the alien being an advanced form of leaving lobster in the fridge is just SO AMAZING. I was cackling like mad.

And honestly, I think the lead up with the entire episode was pretty damn great. It just has a completely different energy, not just in regards to playing with the sci-fi / horror tropes (which it’s not laying it on thick or anything), it’s just this fun verve. You feel it in the energy of how everyone hangs out. Like Faye completely taking Jet for all he’s worth in the strip poker game and his “honorable” reaction (this side of Jet’s gruffness I like a lot more). Which all just serves as the perfect dramatic irony of the encroaching, otherworldly horror. It also sideswipes these great little lines about how humans “quickly forgot the lessons they just learned.” And once again we get an episode where all the highs are in the little details, like the little beat where the alien good wiggles again before it’s fully melted. Even the episode’s overlaid vignette structure about lessons (which could be trite when applied in gauche fashion) instead only exists as a distracting bit of artifice that is only really leading to a sublime gag: “You shouldn’t leave things in the fridge… that is the lesson.”

Five stars. Would rent again.

12.-13. JUPITER JAZZ - PART 1 AND PART 2

I feel like it makes sense to write about these two episodes as a single entity.

First off, I have to say how much I like the pacing of them. Most of the sessions of Cowboy Bebop are lean, mean, and economical, which is all part of the fun. But even though the show has its moments of rest / down time,” it’s often rushing through conflict and rarely milking the drama in a way that lets you sit with the tension. Which just means I rarely feel like we ever have a real chance to just dig into a longer story pace. Which is of course what we finally get in this mid-point two part epic that brings us back to Vicious. Which, of course, we all suspected would happen (I say this like we’re all watching the show live for the first time, haha). But now that we’re finally getting into the story itself…

I’m not sure how crazy I am about it? Like, it’s all coming back to that problem of “how much do I really care about all these characters?” I like them and stuff. Really, I do. And it’s really nice to get moments of genuine emotion, like when Spike gets legitimately angry at being called Vicious. But there’s just this thing where I can’t get the emotional investment in the show to really drive that constant want of engagement. There’s fallibility, but so little genuine vulnerability. So it’s not really the kind of show you “lean into.” Which is all part of the ongoing cool disaffection. But hey, isn’t that just how noir operates?

The thing most people don’t understand about noir is that all that disaffection and hidden emotion always bubbles up by the story’s end, often in the spectacular ways of coming undone. Like, the vulnerability explodes by the end. But with a TV show slowly dolling that out like four times across 26 hours? Yeah, that’s not what the noir structure was built for so it just makes it harder to engage. Particularly when characters like Vicious still feel like cyphers in a way. Same goes for the way Julia feels like that haunting ghost. Like we learned “more” about them, but I don’t feel “closer” if that makes sense.

And it also doesn’t help matters that these episodes do some of my least favorite story tropes. Like when a female character is like, “I’m a girl who can take care of myself!” which seems to position them as not being the damsel, but then the male character saves them anyway, which just makes them EXTRA good at rescuing the kind of super-capable women who think they’re above damsel-ing! The fact it does so on the sly that feels even ickier than that. Same goes for yet more homophobia in the episode. And speaking of LGBT+ treatment…

I have NO idea what the heck to think of Gren? Like did they really say that Gren just got a hormonal imbalance from insomnia from going to prison??? Wut??? I don’t want to google things until I’m done with the show but needless to say I’ll be reading from trans / non-binary writers on the subject because I’m having huge flashbacks to The Crying Game discourse that so radically shaped more 90’s-ness when it comes to this stuff. Speaking of which, of course the character dies. And it’s amazing how many people don’t even recognize the problems of this trope, or even that it IS a trope. The reason the “kill your gays” trope exists is because it’s always written by straight people trying to grab other straight people’s sympathy (look, see now you care about this character because they died and that’s sad!) Meanwhile it only teaches LBGT+ people that they are doomed and should be afraid and that their “sacrifice” only exists to teach the straights lessons or whatever. Again, we’re just back in 90’s tropes that I internalized and have come to resent in much more meaningful fashion.

And yet, despite all the things that stick in my craw, this show always has these little things that seep right into my brain and stay there. Like that moment where Lin dies and Vicious clarifies, “he protected the rules,” which is just a forehead-slapper of a perfect line. And then the last little variation on the end title that really hits you: “Do you have a comrade?” Oof. These little things are what makes me ultimately care about the show. It’s not the drama. It’s the little ingenious moments that stick in there and keep rattling around in my brain.

Speaking of brain rattles, this also finally brings us to why I also felt comfortable stopping halfway through the show to write all this down… The other night I felt inclined to start listening to the soundtrack and it was all just there in my brain already, set in stone.

Point being, I’m in.

<3HULK

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