#but regardless I Then start to think about what the fuck Else i'm gunna do to help me meet people

[monster-noises]

#monster noises #getting emails telling me people have left a new intro for me on okc are so.. conflicting #and i should really stop checking them because i never know what to do with them #cause sometimes the person seems really cool and probably goodnto get to know and who knows maybe it would work out #but also the thinking about commiting to it makes my stomach start flip flopping for.... a few reasons #and then i feel bad for ghosting on someone #being that ass hole who doesn't reply #but also technically i'm not even On there right now anymore you just can't mute your account like you can on tinder n shit #so is it really ghosting??? #idk... #but regardless I Then start to think about what the fuck Else i'm gunna do to help me meet people #if i'm not going to be able to do this #cause the answer is 'make more friends and eventually someone will also want to date you that you will also like' #but that wait time and uncertainty and my complete lack of both knowing and being able to access spaces where i could meet #and make more friends that are like.. within the range of being Gay Men and Gay Men-Adjacent Folks #starts to make the yawning lonely void of the future look... a little crushing #just a little #and then i have to back out Real fast or shit starts to break down real bad #ack.. ack ack ack #i could go on about more stuff but i'm gunna run outta space so #idk... i just.. i'm tired and I wanna find a Buddy. y'know? same note on a different octave and all that.. #or a harmony. a harmony would be good also #i use to many metaphors... #anyway.. i gotta go #i start full time at work tomorrow so i gotta finish my tea and head to bed #i know it's past 9 so the thoughts don't count but they do still exsist

[sapphire-weapon]

Nooooo! What have you done!!!???

I was the anon that asked about the Claire taking Leon's virginity thing and I know you said that you didn't think Leon would catch feelings and stuff... BUT IT WAS ME THAT CAUGHT FEELINGS APPARENTLY!

I've loved Leon and Claire since dark side chronicles but I always saw them as besties. I was never hostile to cleon shippers but I was pretty dismissive like "c'mon guys they're just friends. Yeesh you people will just ship him with anyone huh?"

But after seeing you mention the virginity thing and then seeing your answer to my ask...

SOMETHING FREAKING CLICKED!

I went back and watched that fence scene in 2make and... yeah.

I get it now.

And I'm so mad.

And now I have to awkwardly stroll on over to the cleon corner and be all like "heyyy guys... sorry about everything. Gunna look at some fanart now..."

Ugh...

Luckily I still get the warm fuzzies when I watch Leon and Ashley edits.

Unfortunately I feel the same with Leon and Claire ones now.

SO THANKS I GUESS!

In all seriousness thank you for answering my ask so thoroughly. I know you didn't intend for this to happen but atleast i have more content to enjoy?

That fucking fence scene.

I literally had no interest in them together until that fucking fence scene. Like you, I wasn't hostile towards the ship, either -- I just didn't give a shit. I was basically the neutral alien guy from Futurama like "I have no strong feelings one way or the other."

But then RE2make happened.

Twenty years. Twenty fucking years of not giving a shit about this ship, and I'm made a fool by a fucking FENCE, bro?? A FENCE??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT

To be fair, I still mostly see them as besties. Claire is the person Leon calls whenever he's smart enough to realize he needs a woman's viewpoint on something. Like, once he finally takes his dumbass goggles off and can see the reality of his feelings for Ashley, he calls Claire and is like "I'm about to do a thing, I think. I need you to tell me if this is the worst idea in the world or not."

So, for me, it's mostly like...

I think both Claire and Leon realize that if they had met under literally any other circumstance, they would've probably fucking hated each other -- because they absolutely would have. But the fact remains that they did meet in Raccoon City, and that's something that they'll always share between them. Regardless of anything else, they were there for each other in the immediate aftermath of that shit, when the dust was starting to settle and the real world was starting to look really fucking scary and intimidating all of a sudden.

Maybe they hooked up one or two more times at some nebulous point pre-RE4make after Leon spent some time with his Army buddies, just so that he could be like HEY CLAIRE LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I CAN DO NOW because he's Leon and he's Like That.

But I think that, by the time of RE4make proper, that whole thing is done with. They've both fully gotten it out of their system and have no desire to go back to it again.

Because, like. I don't know if Remake canon is going to keep this particular detail, but until the Remake story actually changes this, Leon is close enough to Chris by the time of RE4 that he literally shows him US government documents with the highest classification possible (aka his report on the Los Illuminados) -- which is so outrageously fucking illegal and could actually get him fucking killed -- and for him to be that close to Chris tells me he's not banging Claire anymore and hasn't in quite some time.

And I don't think he wants to anymore, either. I really don't. because he'd rather just wallow in his own misery instead but AAYYYYY that's for a different post, probably. And I really think that Claire has absolutely no fucking interest anymore at all, too. Like, even if Leon had a moment of weakness and called her up and was like "hey, uh..." she'd turn him down.

Because the whole... depressed and cynical and constantly angry thing that Leon has going on now? Not attractive. Not to her. She has enough of her own bullshit to deal with; she doesn't need to start carrying Leon's baggage, too.

[looselucy]

I KNOW you must have answered this before but I've been searching and I can't find it, but I was wondering what your favorite chapter or scene is from each of your stories- in terms of writing? You're such an amazing writer and I'm curious to know what you think are your best written moments. LOVE YOU❤❤❤

OOOOOOOOOH THANK YOU SO MUCH, I LOVE QUESTIONS LIKE THIS! I think I may have answered for individual fics, but not all my fics so LETS FUCKING GO!I’m gunna do this under the cut because I have a lot of fics, so this is bound to get lengthy.

SO, my personal favourite parts from each of my stories!

Butterfly BoySo I do have a few personal stand out moments in BB. From when he helps her throw up, to their first kiss, to when she tells him she loves him, when they listen to Songbird together, every second of Mike Jokes, but I think when he finally admited he loves her… kills me. It genuinely feels like we wait so long for it and then to hear that he’s felt that way for so much longer than she has, and how he thinks she deserves better. It hurts.

“I am in love with you, Pippa. I have been in love with you for longer thanI’ve even liked you. I… I remember the exactmoment I fell in love with you.” “No you’re not.” I gasped, no idea what else to say.“Last November. I hadn’t even lived with you a month. Me and Zayn… We wentdrinking, and then we got back and you started drinking with us. You-you dranktoo much and you threw up. I walked into your room and… and I found you likethat and… I helped you. I sat on your bathroom floor with you, and helped youthrow up. You were barely dressed, slumped between my legs… sitting against melike you belonged there. You wereabsolutely fucked, but you were still so witty. You were so funny and so sharp…How could I not fall in love with you?”

This is why I love the scene where she first tells him so much, because he reacts so badly because he’d tried so fucking hard to get over her, and he was finally getting somewhere. It’s fine. I’m fine.

The Faux AffairAs you all know… this fic is the one I’m most proud of by miles. I don’t know if there are as many like… stand out moments in the story as there are in like BB, but I think as a piece it’s much better, and the imagery is stronger and the was I planned it and the hints dropped, it was all very precise. So I personally like scenes like the break up scenes, the nightmares, any mention of sunflowers and just generally the journey that Ren goes, y’know?HOWEVER, when they have sex. I’d never written anything quite like it before and it scared the shit out of me and when I posted it I went offline for hours just avoiding what people were saying because I was so nervous, but I still feel very proud of it.

In every possible timeframe, in every universe and every past-life, every dreamand every possible continuum, he had fallen in love with Florence DaisyValentine. Time and time again.

And I think as well… it’s just what that moment means for both of those characters. How substantial it is for both of them just being in that moment and feeling what they’re feeling. My ultimate couple.

The Lamb and The LionI love those little bastards so much. The chemistry and the history they have became this like thing that was almost out of my control. That’s why it went from being a one-shot to being this full fic like I had to keep writing them. I like that they’re far from perfect. They never have a stage where everything is sweet, it’s always messy and it’s always up in the air but they just can’t turn away from each other. That was fun to write!SO AGAIN, A FEW MOMENTS I LIKE! I like in the last chapter when he see’s George and you can just feel him being gutted and confused and kinda hurt and just… urgh. I also love the NYE when they’re not together anymore, but still very soft and painful. I love when he turns up after they’ve kinda ended things and says he’s falling in love with her.BUT, I actually really love when he turns up late to her part and she goes mad at him.

“I don’t need to beany more conscious of your schedule than I already am, Harry, and the fact thatyou can’t see that kills me.”“I see it now, I’m sorry!”“It’s toolate now! You shouldn’t needme yelling at you to realise what’s beengoing on with us for the past year! You should have known anyway! I am not justa fucking side character in your life, Harry. I’m toobusy being the lead of my own.”

I love Lulu. She loves him but she’s not gunna sacrifice herself for him, and he kinda does want her to, and I just love how she handles him and airs her feelings. I remember I’d been really looking forward to writing that scene! (I love a break up / argument hehehe)

AM GirlTwo moments for me here that really stand out. The first letter is always the one for me. It’s years old now but I’m still very very proud of it. The way it reads and stuff. I was dead chuffed with that.And then of course, the moment you realise that the letters are not from Harry the story is going to take this complete new turn and it happens in just a few words and the whole story feels and read completely differently after that. I love that twist. Die for a twist.

To WarThis story was written and alive in my head before I’d even really thought about actually writing a fic, and I very nearly didn’t, I just thought it was something that would stick in my head (there are a million stories in my head) but I’m glad I did decide to write it. I think the little bond between the two of them, and writing in that era was fun and different.And throughout, I was so excited to write the end. Everyone was ready for Alex to be hurt, or not come back, and I think it was good to write the other side of war, one that’s brushed over or forgotten a lot of the time, and that’s the people (women especially) who do the work at home. I loved writing that, and the way it’s not even a question to Alex that they’ll be together regardless.

“I don’t wantyou to feel guilty, for not wanting me anymore, Alex. I do understand. And I didn’t want you to feel… obligedto-”“Eve, stop.” He hushed her words to a halt, placing his hand steadilyon her leg. “You think… Do you really think this bothers me?Do you really think this would keep me from you?”“I don’t-”“I am in love with you, Evelyn. That hasn’t changed!” The more he spoke, the more comfortable she became gazingback to him. “This doesn’t change anything for me! It doesn’t change my feelings for you! I stilllove you, I… I still want a life withyou!” 

Vitae & MortemI knew this story wouldn’t land with the majority of my readers. I stopped and started writing it numerous times because, as much as I knew it was going to happen, but it was a story I wanted to tell and I was writing it for me, it’s still hard receiving a small amount of feedback, which I did throughout this story. But I just had this idea that I needed to share. So I’m chuffed I finished it.And I think my personal favourite moment for me as the author, is this moment, when Harry loses his shit and almost attacks the Krows when he hears them talking about Jax.

“You let go of me!” Hescowled, pushing forward, but I only pushed back harder.“I can’t letyou do that! They will kill you!”“I’llfucking scream if you don’t move!”“Harry, I can’t watch you die!” Ihissed back at him, worrying over our tones but needing to be clear with him. “If you go over there, he will shootyou before you’ve even got near to them.”“Letme go!”“I am with you, Harry. I will fightwith you and I will help you, but I am not letting you do this. We have to runaway from this. Now.”“I want to fucking kill them.”“Think about what ya doing.” I instructed, feeling that he was nolonger pushing back against me, easing a little. “Juststop for a second, and think. Please.”His nostrils flared as he forced himself to calm down, tears bubbling in hiseyes but I knew he wouldn’t letthem fall. I knew they’d beenspurred by anger more than anything else, and they blurred his vision as heconcentrated on my face in order to calm down.

That for me is a genuine moment from a character we don’t see too many genuine moments from. I think that was his real, initial reaction, and he truly wanted to protect her then. He forgot what he was there to do, and he acted on instinct, and his instinct was to keep her safe. It hurts me because V&M Harry is the worst and the best all at once and IT ALL HURTS!THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS I’M SORRY IT’S SO LONG!

#anon #it's so LONG I'm so sorry #fics #mine