#but really i was just tamping down the symptoms by relying on an OCD crutch of having to hyper control everything

[spocksmalewife]

Nothing 2 c here folks keep scrolling

#been really wondering if ADHD has been my problem all my life #like i was a very inattentive kid and would act out #then went through about a 10-year period after my dad left where i 'smartened up' #but really i was just tamping down the symptoms by relying on an OCD crutch of having to hyper control everything #and then burnt out around the late 10s #and since the pandy started it's been a fucking free-for-all like i feel my brain deteriorating #but i think it's been me finally being able to relax #and now even the thought of having to get myself organized sends me into a spiral because i know i'll have to end up relying on the same #crutches again #it's either just balls to the wall free for all winging session or get my ass in gear stressed 24/7 about missing deadlines nightmare #either way i can't win #doesn't help that the crutches are ARFID and it's been getting worse and worse #and doesn't help that after going vegetarian for a decade i keep getting these terrible intrusive thoughts that my mental decay is due to #me not getting proper nutrition and that my heart is gonna up and fail #but tbh i've always been that way sigh #AND IT DOESN'T HELP THAT MY SO-CALLED 'DOCTOR' FATHER keeps feeding these fears by saying how he failed me and should have been around to #make sure i ate better #and that i only have until the age of 25 to fix things before there's IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE #wow it's almost like mental illness is hereditary 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 #vent