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#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't
vse-kar-vem
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30 days
Text
how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on
#either way
#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred ๐
#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me
#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these ๐ญ fhskfbhsjfkg
#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever
#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do
#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying
#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative
#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me
#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you
#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't
#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)
#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me ๐ which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!
#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it
#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier
#of my friendships
#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up
#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)
#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a
#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order
#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i
#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !
#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these ๐ญ
#vee rambles
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