#but my focus was CLEARLY shot so that killed schoolwork a few hours early

[starbuck]

welp, the thing i have been dreading for literal years is happening tomorrow and i am. Unhappy, but thankfully calm, for the moment.

#i think i’m just so used to being stressed all the time at this point that the new stress isn’t as noticeable #but my focus was CLEARLY shot so that killed schoolwork a few hours early #the combo of this Thing happening tomorrow and finding out i’ve had my first (known) ✨COVID exposure✨ is simply incredible #my brain is attempting to fold itself up a million times smaller and smaller until it disappears #like. for the record. #i do not believe i have COVID. i think i’m fine there #(but gonna test tomorrow just to be sure) #and the Bad Thing is ENTIRELY routine and normal and fine and i LITERALLY planned it myself #but it’s just specifically REALLY triggering for me for reasons that even i don’t understand #so i just know it’s gonna be a mess #i will probably cry and hyperventilate and possibly have a breakdown for a few hours #but i DON’T think i’m gonna go into a months-long and possibly unrecoverable depressive episode #which is what i USED to think was gonna happen when i did this #so uh? improvement?? #it will be fine #but also. Why