#but im the throwaway desk lady which means i literally have every project nobody else wants to do

[depresseddepot]

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#trying my hardest to not have a breakdown at 2:42 am after three hours of trying my hardest to distract myself :o) #i have a meeting on monday to work out the details about this adult programming craft kit think im supposed to be spearheading but #ive already refused twice to make videos outside of work (i dont have time) and im worried this is just another ploy to get me to make them #ive tried so hard the past few months to space out my homework and be easier on myself so i had time to decompress and relax #and im worried agreeing to it will fuck everything up #i don't have enough time during work to do all the shit needed for a program like i work the fucking DESK #i dont have a place to store things or my own computer or any connections like??why are they so desperate to have ME do this #but i also can't really say no because ive been here for almost 3 years now and it is time i have my own project #but im the throwaway desk lady which means i literally have every project nobody else wants to do #i double check the account cards and i double check the item catalog cards AND i FILE the catalog cards #and the lady that did cards before me didn't do them for like 4 months so ive still got a lot to catch up on #and now i have to weasel buying materials and making fliers and making instructions for a craft kit every month? #im so tired but i have to walk myself through whatever im so fucking worried about or ill never get to sleep #i think i just have to tell them that we shouldn't advertise it as something monthly because i can't guarantee I'll always have time for it #see this is such a fucking slippery slope though because if i agree to do this (tho they arent really giving me a choice) #I'll essentially BECOME the adult services librarian #we only have a youth librarian right now and we've been looking for an adult one who 'has experience in archiving' #and im majoring in history and my boss said it himself that he would hire ME if i had the credentials #but he's going to be at the meeting too so like??? #i agree to do this and then three months from now they want me to arrange author visits or an in-house movie night #and none of this would be that bad IF THEY WOULD JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING DESK #they're saving the empty desk for the eventual adult librarian but where am i supposed to put my fucking stuff? by the printers? #all i have is desk time meaning i am at the front desk every second in at work. i cant plan a craft kit while also doing all my other shit #AND HELPING PATRONS #front desk also answers the phone so like??? it rings every ten seconds these days what the hell do you expect from me #'u can come in like an hour early or stay an hour late if u need to :o)' and do what. daydream about the craft kits? #my only computer is the front desk computer what the hell do u mean come in early #the way shit is done around here is so inefficient im so fucking tired #also two other people are leaving in the coming year which means ill have to also do book repair AND mel???? im fucking 19 #im not some seasoned pro at interlibrary communication i work the fucking circulation desk