#but i wish everyone was here again so i wouldnt feel alone upon this stage

[thestarseersystem]

The worst part about being traumatized is that you still feel like you're in the past. Especially when things go wrong in the present. It feels like I'm not here. It feels like I can't escape. It feels so lonely.

I still feel like I'm being haunted and abused by N, someone who is gone. I still feel like I can hear the condescension in my old friend's voices. I feel like I am back there once again, everytime I turn my head, those bodies towering over me.

Its really hard to not get along with people in the present, because I still feel like I'm suddenly back there. I feel like I will never leave their stupid little games. Like I have to play the role, lest I get murdered in the bathroom. They leer and listen from the sidelines, calling out nicknames and accuse me of enjoying the pain that I put others through. They accuse me of enjoying the role that I was given.

If I am not playing on the stage, other people will be forced to. I must do my part, I must compel others to do theirs. Lest we all die. Lest we are forced into this game again.

I don't want to be hurt again. I must play the part so others can't get hurt. I mustn't let others break the fall. I must remember everything so others can gently forget. I must pretend everything's okay, lest they get me too.

#vent.txt #tw flashback #im not okay im not... i dont know where i am #i dont want others to be hurt because of me #but i wish everyone was here again so i wouldnt feel alone upon this stage #please dont hurt me