#but i actually love rhage and mary

[bdb-fandom]

Texting:

* Autumn - doesn’t like to text; prefers to talk face to face; until one night Xhex sent heart emoji with best wishes for mother’s day. She asked Tohr to help her print it, always has it with her, wherever she is.

* Balthazar - doesn’t use emojis but generally likes to text; its much quieter - better for his thefts.

* Bella - always adds black heart to every ily to Z; uses emojis pretty often, especially when texting ladies of the bdb (they have separate group chats for females/ males and all of them).

* Beth - uses a bunch of emojis, mostly a red heart, a vampire, a crown and of course a doggo; likes to send song recommendations on female group chat.

* Bitty - doesn’t really need to text but she does use them from time to time, mostly when texting her parents. Likes to add emojis to contact names (also uses aliases like calling Zephyr Captain America etc.).

* Blay - hard core sexter; happens rarely tho, because he’s almost all the time w/ his hellren; him, Q. and J.M. have a separate group chat that dates their pre- trans times; send mostly memes, movies/series/song recommendations; they will text for hours about series predictions and conspiracy theories (adding emojis to almost all the messeges).

* Butch - blue heart next to Marissa’s name in his contacts; after getting a text that she’s safe in work, sends her a couple of blue hearts. After ending the call with her always sends her a bunch of kissing emojis. If V’s away, he will text him to check up on his „hellren” - mostly they talk baseball.

* Cormia - loves emojis; uses them often, loves to send „little baby” animals to Phury cause „they are just too cute not to use them”; likes to replace some words with emojis while texting her sisters.

* Ehlena - likes to text Rehv; uses just basic emojis while chatting w/ the girls; from time to time sends her hellren a pic of her which always ends in one way iykwim ;).

* Jane - doesn’t use it; likes to text V to let him know she’s has to stay late etc. (adds black heart to those types of messeges); will text mostly with Manny or Sarah regarding some medical issues and possible treatments.

* John Matthew - the quickest texter. Because he knows that Xhex hates emojis he will not send any of them to her, but Blay and Q. are totally different story. Those boys love to add them to every message.

* Lassiter- fully replaced words with emojis, no-one can understand him. Also no one answers his texts. (he’s like Boyle from B99).

* Layla - most definitely a texter; Q. taught her well. Likes to send emojis and pics (of her and babies) and sometimes memes (if they’re hilarious) or pics of cute animals; loves female group chat;

* Maichen - likes to text girl chat while being cuddled up to iAm; doesn’t use emojis.

* Manny - texts with Payne all the time; likes to sext her; uses pretty much all of the emojis; will send her nudes if she asks for them;).

* Marissa - because of Butch only uses blue heart; otherwise doesn’t use emojis often. Overall prefers to call B, instead of sending him texts. The only exception is, after arriving to Safe Place always sends him a quick message to let him know she got there safe.

* Mary - uses emojis rarely - only to Bitty and Rhage; likes to use yellow hearts instead of red ones; with Rhage has a secret emoji they use as a „coast is clear” (so they can go down and dirty).

* Murhder - not a fan of phones all in all; prefers to call you if he has to; his lack of knowledge of modern inventions is showing, he’s slowly learning how to use camera etc. tho (yet he doesn’t feel the need to do so).

* Payne - she loves texting (especially dirty); uses less emojis than Manny but still doesn’t avoid them; likes to send pics of hot males to female group chat and make polls; uses violet heart.

* Phury - texts Cormia all the time, while he’s in mansion and she staying w/ her sisters. Some nights after the AA meetings he likes to stay alone for some time. Then, he prefers not to talk with his shellan (needs some alone time) but will send her a text that he’s all right with a pink heart and probably a bunch of animals to make her smile.

* Qhiunn - for sure drops a couple of kissy faces and eggplants to Blay; hearts to Layla (prolly adding a bunch of pics of Lyric and Rhamp). To Xcor and brothers (in group chat) - guns, daggers, muscle emojis. He is the only exception - his use of emojis doesn’t make V want to kill somebody (well except Lassiter, but thats like all the time).

* Rehvenge - as we all know; he prefers to call Ehlena; he’s ok with texting but takes him a lot of time (damn those meds!); will for sure send a hearts and kiss emoji to his shellan after calling her to tell her he’s gonna be late.

* Rhage - to Bitty - uses hella lot emojis and well, texts overall; loves to send her titles of movies they’re gong to watch in emojis so she can decipher them. To Mary - purple hearts („just like my ride, babe!”), kisses and food! That boy will send her a looong message with only food emojis just to emphasize how hungry he is. Isn’t allowed to send any emojis to his brothers after one incident that involved quickly sent message to V (that was supposed to be Mary’s). After all he ended w/ black eye and since then he always double checks all his texts.

* Rhun - great texter after learning how to read; loves to text Bitty, sending her pictures of him and Saxton or house repairs he did; uses emojis very often because „they were invented for something, nallum”. If his going out somewhere he will send a text to Sax to make sure he knows where he is (ptsd from being jumped by those humans). To those texts he always adds hearts and ily to calm down his hellren. If he wakes up earlier than Sax and has to go out, will always send a text like: „your breakfast is in the fridge” or „ive made you a coffee” because he knows Saxton double checks his phone before he leaves to go to work.

* Sarah - doesn’t use emojis; she’s more of a text only when it’s necessary kind of gal; she only sends messeges when she cannot call you.

* Saxton - likes to text Rhun while he’s working with King; uses less emojis then Rhun but still loves them: will send his hellren as well as his niece a bunch of colorful hearts and other emojis; likes to text Rhun ”good morning” texts when he leaves before his hellren wakes up.

* Syn - does not texts, but will ask Jo to text back band of bastards chat group (from his phone). Barely uses phone. If he has something to tell you he will come and find you.

* Syphon - honestly idk. Anyone?

* Therese - likes to text Trez but their almost always are together. She’s an old school texter, likes to use basic emojis. Will add red hearts while texting Trez.

* Tohr - to old school for texts; if something is important he will call you; if it can wait he will send you an email.

* Trez - loves to text but doesn’t use emojis; has separate work group chat; sometimes is quicker for him to text u instead of calling; checks on his brother almost every night.

* Vishous - no. (to emojis); if he’s not next to Butch will text him all the time (i swear they are mated); is ok at texting but unless in Jane or Butch he would rather call you or talk to you face in face.

* Wrath - hell no; he refuses to use emojis, although if he were able to see he would reconsider sending a heart and a golden retriever! (and maybe kissy face) to Beth and only to her.

* Xcor - prefers to talk, because reading is still hard for him; will text Layla only when he knows he has the time to do so. Likes to receive pics of babies and his shellan; then he most definitely sends a red heart back (red because is „classic like his love to Layla”).

* Xhex - no, just no. refuses to use emojis (only exception is that one time to her mahmen).

* Zephyr - yes, to band of bastards group chat. Every Monday night sends them his „emoji of the week”, and proceeds to use it every single time. Worst time when he actually used eggplant. Q. had to have a serious talk with him. Likes to send memes and movies recommendations to male group chat.

* Zsadist - doesn’t like to text but small smile appears every time he sees a black heart and ily from Bella. Will use black heart only to Bella; likes to get pics of Nalla and Bella. Otherwise will just call u.

* iAm - has a bunch of different chats and apps w/ his brother (all have different topics); mainly calls but when he has time to spear will text you.

#black dagger brotherhood #the black dagger brotherhood #black dagger legacy #wrath #rhage #vishious #zsadist #jrward #phury #butch o'neal #vishous #butch and vishous #saxton rhun

[darkredehmption]

From This Life To The Next

#SL - From This Life To The Next

Written by @DamagedBrother and @OfFeatherNFang 

*~*~*~*

Zsadist: 

This was it. Today was the day that I was going to be officially mated to my angel. I still couldn’t believe it. Like somehow, this was all a dream that I was going to sadly wake up from. But it wasn’t. He was mine and would be mine until we went into the fade. 

Quietly, I slipped out of bed and left him to rest while I moved to our closet. Finding the ceremonial robes in the back as well as something special I had Vishous make for me as a gift to my male. With my arms full, I give the angel one more glance before I head out to get ready in another room. 

My head lifts to see Phury already waiting in the hallway, a huge grin on his face. “Figured I could lend a hand.” Chuckling as I made my way over to my twin, turning to watch as Rhage came up from the stairs with four donuts in his hands and one shoved in his mouth. 

“You. Go help him get ready and make sure he doesn’t sleep through it.” Hollywood flashed a bright smile that would make hundreds of women swoon. 

“You got it chief!” He replied with his mouth full, practically skipping off towards our bedroom where I just left my male. 

“Crazy.” I mutter, gazing at my Brother. “Rhage might send Malachi running for the hills.”

“The angel isn’t going anywhere, he loves you too much.” My twin replied as we made our way to one of the guest rooms on the other side of the stairs. 

“You say that, but somehow I feel like I’m gonna fuck up.” As I reached for the door, I felt his heavy hand on my shoulder. 

“Hey...He loves you, and you love him. Matings...are wonderful...and yes you will fight, but the love doesn’t go away. And if his does...so help me I will-”

I cut him off with a laugh. “Okay. Easy now. Please don’t scare him away.” Phury smiled at me as we moved inside the guest room to prepare for the ceremony. 

Mal:

I felt the soft rustle of sheets as Zsadist slipped from the bed. Half asleep, I didn’t bother trying to follow straight away, not until I heard the soft click of the door as it closed. There was a murmur of voices beyond it, and with a slow blink I opened my eyes. 

A lull, brief enough that I barely got to feel the anxious thrill as I thought of what the day held, before the door burst in and I started up. Rhage stood on the threshold, grinning around a donut then sauntering in as he shut the door.

“Rise n’ shine princess! It’s the big day! Gotta get you up and ready!”

I actually rolled my eyes and groaned as I flopped back to the sheets. I was glad my wings weren’t out, but then again, keeping them retracted seemed the better idea when I was going to have a name carved into my back. 

Zsadist’s name.

The thought earned a smile as I extracted myself from the sheets without any prompt from Rhage and rose, stretching with a yawn and a pleasant smile. Moving past the Hollywood-worthy male, I snagged a donut amidst protest, and entered the closet. Rhage followed, grinning at the robes I ran one hand down.

“Can’t believe this is actually happening for me.”

Somewhere in the manse, my mahmen was with the females, helping prepare for the day. The Brothers had no doubt set up whatever else happened in a mating ceremony, and Z had no doubt gone to get ready with Phury. My heart gave a nervous flutter as my stomach backflipped.

“Hey, you n’ Z? I’ve never seen him happier. N’ you look a lot different than the first time I saw you,” he added thoughtfully. 

Surprised at his words, I glanced back to him.

“How did I look?”

Rhage shrugged, taking a bite of his last donut. “Lonely. Cold. Real quick on the defence, y’know? Like you were used to always fighting to survive. To live. But since you’ve been here?” His smile, unfairly, could’ve stopped traffic in Times Square. “You’re lighter. All bright n’ shiny. You laugh. Did you laugh a lot before?”

The question stunned me for its accuracy. For all the talk that Rhage was a pretty face, the dude was damn insightful. Maybe Mary was rubbing off on him.

“Not really…”

A nod, a grin, and the last of the donut vanished. “Well, now you get a new family. A new life. N’ a new reason to laugh and be happy or whatever. So c’mon. Let’s do this! You need me to step out while you drop drawers or you want help arranging the robes?”

Zsadist:

I moved into the closet to slide on the ceremonial robes, while Phury changed in the bathroom. “I can’t believe this is happening…” I call out. “Like whoever thought I’d be getting mated.” Snorts.

“Oh I knew you would.” Phury chimes in. “I didn’t know when it would be, but I knew it would happen sooner or later.”

I hear shuffling around then a deep breath. Pausing as I look in the full length mirror only to see my twin standing behind me. “Well…?” I murmur as my hands smooth down the robes. 

“Perfect.” His golden eyes shine bright as he stares at me through the mirror, turning to meet his gaze. 

“Let me show you what Vishous helped me out with.” Phury perks up as I move to grab the black velvet pouch off of the bed. Slowly I pull out two twin silver daggers. They were so light that they almost looked white, and at the hilt were black wings on each side that V carved himself into the metal 

Phury’s jaw drops. “Whoa. Okay he’s going to love those, and can I get a set?” He chuckles, landing a hand on my shoulder. “They look amazing.” 

Nodding as my fingers move over the blades. “Let’s go down and make sure everything is ready, true?” My twin nods as I secure the daggers back into the bag, heading out of the guest room, and making my way down the grand staircase to find my family already waiting. 

Mal:

The robes almost remind me of the Chosen, and then of angels. Not sure why. It’s not like I ever met my father to know how he dressed, and Lassiter has clearly got to be the exception to the rule of the whole ‘angelic presence’ thing. Nothing ‘angelic’ about his presence. Staring at myself in the mirror though, I can’t help but think of the father I never met. The angel blood in my veins. 

Would he have approved of this? Would he have come? Would he care?

“You clean up nice,” Rhage complimented, slapping my shoulder in that brotherly way as he examines me in the mirror too. “Y’ready to head down? Need anything else? If you need to puke now’s the time.”

I elbowed him with a faint smirk. His words had the desired effect though; thoughts of my father faded into the background. And while I didn’t need to upchuck, my stomach definitely had a bad case of the butterflies going on.

“Fuck off. Y’know I still don’t remember half of the ceremonial stuff. I can recite a latin incantation to exorcise a demon but I can’t fucking remember how my own mating ceremony is supposed to go,” I mutter, glancing down and fiddling with the lining of the robe.

Rhage waved off my concern like it was an insect he was swatting.

“S’just nerves my man. You’ll be fine n’ everything’ll be great. You n’ Z being happy are all that matters, so if the day ends with that it was a success, right?”

My smile’s lopsided in the mirror. “Right.”

“Then let’s go!” He declared, grinning as he backed his massive frame out of the walk in and moved to the door. 

Before leaving, I moved to my weapons shelf - mine being the one that housed demonic tools in addition to Lesser fighting gear - and opened the small box I’d tucked in amongst the others. Something I knew Zsadist wouldn’t notice. 

Nestled amongst the velvet cushions inside was a pendant, the silver chain that looped through it long and pooling in the bottom of the box. The pendant itself was perfectly smooth, clear resin, and within it, in an almost gentle curve, was one of my feathers. It was small, glossy dark, and came from that sensitive spot right by my back. The spot only Zsadist got to touch. 

Swallowing a fresh hit of nerves, I closed the lid and spirited the box in amongst the robes. Then, squaring my shoulders, I followed Rhage out into the hall and downstairs, having zero idea what to expect, but ready for it anyway.

Zsadist:

I was gathered with my family in the foyer. Everyone was there, even most of the Doggen. They all had these big smiles on their faces, and I swear a few of them were crying. Like yeah, the big bad scarred one is getting mated. As if this day would never come.

Though honestly, I never thought it would. I thought that I was doomed to spend a life by myself, and I’d accepted that long ago. But things have changed; I have changed for the better. That’s the thing about finding your other half, they make you a better person. 

“Z man, you gonna puke?” Butch chimes in and I swear I saw Fritz giving him a dirty look. 

“He does look as green as the field in Fenway Park,” Vishous replies back with a smirk. 

“Everyone shut up, and no mention of the Soxs at my mating ceremony,” I growled out, hearing both Brothers crack up. Then one throat clear from Wrath had them both silenced. At a quick glance, I saw them still smirking at me, but a heartbeat later, all amusement left their faces as their heads snapped up towards the stairs. 

And there he was. My male.

I watched with light in my eyes as he descended the grand staircase with Rhage trailing close behind. He looked so handsome in the ceremonial robes that I couldn’t wait to peel off later. Biting back a growl as they reach us, nodding off Rhage as I take Mal’s hand. 

Lassiter soon appeared beside us, asking if I would basically do anything for my mate. Which of course, I replied that I would, but I couldn’t help but get lost in Mal’s eyes. He was finally going to officially be mine. 

After Mal is asked much of the same, I tug him into my arms to share a passionate kiss with him. Trying not to get too crazy as everyone erupts with joy. The clapping dies down as I pull back to begin the carving. Tugging free the shash, the robe falls to reveal my bare chest, scars and all. I give my male one final look before I move down onto my knees. 

Wrath steps forward first with George close behind. His hand blindly reaches out until it makes contact with my back. “What is the name of your Hellren?” The King’s booming voice echoes in the foyer. 

“Malachi.” I say proudly. 

In a quick swift movement, I felt Wrath dig the tip of the dagger into my flesh to form an M in the old language. I didn’t doubt for one second that he couldn’t do it properly. Blind or not, the male still could slice up anything with a blade. 

One by one each Brother stepped forward to mark a letter, when it was finally Phury’s turn, I couldn’t help but stare into his eyes that matched my own. 

With unshed tears in his eyes he mouthed ‘I’m so proud of you’.

I nod in return, feeling him at my back to dig in the final letter. Once it was all said and done Fritz stepped forward with a pitcher of water and a bowl of salt. This was one wound that I didn’t mind scarring my flesh. 

After the water is mixed with the salt, Phury dumps the thick, briny liquid down my back. But I don’t cry out. I just accept the pain as I stare into the eyes of the one I loved, my Brothers growling in approval. 

Soon after Phury bent down and opened the lacquer box, taking out a pristine white cloth. He dried the wounds then rolled the material up and put it back inside. 

“Rise my twin.” He spoke.

Slowly I got up. Across my shoulders, in an arch of Old English letters, was the angel’s name in my skin. 

My twin handed over the box with a big smile on his face. “Take this to your Hellren as a symbol of your strength, so he will know that you are worthy of him and that your body, your heart, and your soul are now his to command.”

Slowly I turned around to face the angel and I quickly dropped to my knees, lifting the box to present it to him. “Will you take me as your own?” I asked as my eyes just stared deeply into his.

Mal:

Standing aside to watch Zsadist have my name carved first was a test of willpower. I’d never actively stood by and watched another make my mate bleed, and I swallowed every growl and every snarl that rose in my throat as the scent of his blood stained the air.

My mahmen stepped in beside me, the only female here that truly knew me, and I gratefully accepted the grip of her hand as she held on and squeezed. She was smiling though, the look on her face one that could only be described as proud and happy. Because I’d found someone that made me happy. 

Bending down, I brushed my lips to her cheek, earning a gentle pat to my chest in response. Then I was focusing on Zsadist again, watching as the blades made every line of my stupidly long name. Should’ve just gone with ‘Mal’. 

As Phury placed the clothe in the box, and Zsadist came to me, kneeling, I somehow kept my hands from trembling as I accepted it, instead of spinning him and examining the wound like I wanted. Later, I would pin him to the mattress and examine every line, every etching, to make sure he was alright.

“I take you as my own. From this life to the next,” I whisper back, my heart ‘aching’ with raw affection and love. 

As soon as he was back on his feet I stepped in, pressing my lips to his in a further affirmation of that vow. Vampires believed in the Fade, but reincarnation wasn’t out of the picture. If I didn’t get forever in the afterlife with Zsadist I would find him again, in another life, another time. I would always find him.

Managing a smile and a wink, I carefully set aside the box and unfastened my own robes to reveal my back. Glancing amongst the Brothers, I then took a knee, sensing as Wrath approached again. His voice rang with approval. 

“What is the name of your Hellren?”

I smiled. At the word. At this moment. At what my life had become after so long being alone.

“Zsadist.”

The sharpness of the blade made the first cut almost painless, though with each additional mark, the sting deepened. I didn’t flinch though, didn’t move as one after another the Brothers approached and sliced into my flesh. The muscles that supported my wings shuddered, and I fought the need to summon them, keeping my back smooth and feather-limb free. Though the idea of a Brother accidentally touching my wing and Zsadist ‘accidentally’ flipping a table during our mating earned a small smile. 

When they finished, and the salt water etched my mate’s name forever into my skin, it was Rhage who approached with the box. I flashed him a grin, which he returned, and then I was facing Zsadist, kneeling as he had, and lifting the box to him. 

“Will you take me as your own?”

Zsadist:

Watching Mal get carved up was harder than I thought it was going to be. I mean, I knew my Brother's weren’t hurting him. This was the ceremony, but I couldn’t help the bonded male in me that wanted to tear everyone off of him. 

“Easy now…” Phury said in my ear.

I turned to meet my twin’s gaze with a raised brow. 

“I can smell your bonding scent, it’s telling me to back the fuck off right now.” He chuckled quietly, eyes shining bright as they gaze into mine before focusing on my male. “It’s almost over, enjoy this moment.” He breathed.

Slowly my head moves to gaze back at my angel on the floor. He was really doing this, becoming mine. Fuck. What did I do to deserve him? 

Suddenly I felt an unfamiliar hand at my back, causing me to stiffen. Jerking my head to the side to watch Mal’s Mahmen retreat her hand carefully. 

“I’m sorry to startle you.” She whispers. I could feel Phury’s eyes burning at the back of my skull. 

“No need. I uh...you just caught me off guard.” I grunt.

She smiles softly then murmurs. “It’s okay, big day for you two. I’m so proud and happy to have...another son.” 

I stare, dumbfounded for a moment. Another son? Me? Suddenly I felt my chest tighten, wishing somehow I got to spend more time with my real Mahmen. Clearing my throat after I realized I was taking too long to answer. 

“Of course, Elieanora,” I replied, watching as she smiled at me before we both turned our attention back to her son on the floor. 

Moments later he was up, heading over towards me with a box, just like the one I presented to him moments ago. 

“I will take you as my own, from this life to the next,” I replied calmly as I reached for the box, handing it off to my twin so I could pull my male up and into my arms. When my lips met his, a loud roar from the family filled the foyer. But I didn’t even bother to look up, I just continued to kiss the male that was officially mine. 

Soon as we break the kiss, the chanting starts, followed by a song in the old language. My angelic voice breaks through all the others in the foyer as I join in. My eyes on the angel, like he was the only one in the room, and I was singing for him. 

Mal:

My shoulders ached in a way I savoured, but nothing was better than Zsadist’s lips as he pulled me to him. The kiss seared through me, turning my blood to liquid fire as I clung to the male, /my/ male, and relished in this moment. The cacophony around us was a nice backdrop, but more than anything I wanted to taste him. Hold him. Drown in the bliss that he was mine, and I was his. 

Easing back from the kiss, my heart ached as he lifted his voice with the others, the pure melody bringing tears to the eyes of the females and rendering me utterly speechless as I watched him. He was a gift. 

As the song came to a beautiful end, I didn’t hesitate in claiming that perfect mouth again, as if I could taste the music, the melody on his tongue. There was wolf-whistling from the males and ‘awwwwwws’ from the females, and then the smell of food and delicious things that weren’t Zsadist.  

When I finally stepped back my mahmen approached, placing one hand over my heart, and the other over Z’s. The message was clear, and as she smiled up at me I finally let go of my male to sweep her into my arms. My mahmen, who’d raised me all alone, who’d found us a life and a purpose and done everything in her power to make sure I was safe. And now she blessed me, my union with this male I loved. Took him as her own. 

“Thank you,” I whispered to her, not trusting myself to let go yet, feeling the lump in my throat. “Thank you for being my mahmen.”

Her hands stroked at my back, reassuring as she laughed gently. “I don’t think either of us had a say in it,” she replied softly, “but I wouldn’t change anything. My beautiful boy. My angel.” She leaned back to cradle my face, then pressed a kiss to my brow. 

Around us, the first family and every other occupant of the house had begun to chatter and drift toward the food, celebrating with Zsadist. Elieanora nudged me.

“Did you like it? Was it how you wanted it?”

I blinked then reached for the box amongst my robes, withdrawing it with a relieved smile and a nod.

“It was perfect. Thank you.” Between my mahmen and the doggen, they’d found the right jeweller to make what I’d asked for. Looking to Zsadist, another gentle nudge was all it took for me to cross the distance, holding out the box. When his golden gaze alighted on it, my heart skipped.

“I… I wanted to get you something else. You have my name… but I wanted you to have a piece of me too. With you always.”

Zsadist:

As Mal and his Mahmen had a private moment, I took it upon myself to receive some hugs and handshakes from my Brothers. Even from afar, I saw Hadrian had joined in on this celebration. He stood off to the side with Lassiter as they shared some drinks. Raising my head as I gave him a nod, implying that I was grateful he was here and celebrating with us today. When I received one back, I turned my attention back towards my male. 

When he pulled away from Elieanora, I watched with a curious stare as he handed me a box. What in the world could he have gotten me? Slowly I open the lid. My golden eyes go wide as I see a single feather, his feather, attached to a silver chain that I could wear around my neck. 

Holy shit.

I’m speechless as I stand there gazing at it, my fingers dragging over the coated feather that I almost didn’t notice Phury nudging me. 

“Z...the daggers.” He whispers in my ear. 

“Shit, right.” I grabbed the black velvet bag from my twin and handed it off to my mate. Watching with amusement as he opened the gift I had made for him. 

“You are one of us now.” I say as he pulls the blades out and inspects them. “So you need something epic to carry when you are on rotation.” I grin.

“Yeah, and you better not lose them.” Vishous calls out from across the room.

Snorting at my Brother as I clasp the chain around my neck, dipping my head to watch the black feather rest upon my chest. I wore a part of him around my throat, his name on my back, and together we were one. 

So I reached out to grab his hand and shared one more kiss before we moved to enjoy this night filled with food, laughter, family, and friends. 

#EndSL #FromThisLifeToTheNext

#SLs BlackDaggerBrotherhood

[everlonginbits]

When Goodbyes Are The Hardest

The final box packed, zipper zipped up. One bag laid by the door in her bed chamber. Bitty, made her way the door, picking up the bag from the floor. Hand on the door knob she opened the door, her hand fell from the knob, turning she looked around the room. So many memories with her hellren laid here. It was hard to leave them behind. Though she really wasn’t, she was taking them with her. Anywhere that she went she would have them with her. It was too hard to stay here any longer. She hoped that her family would understand, why she had to do this. Even if it didn’t make sense.

With a big breath, she closed the door on the room she shared with her mate for the last ten years. It still broke her heart to do so. She walked along the long hallway to Wrath’s office. Bitty peeked in, seeing that he wasn’t at his desk. Slipping inside, she walked over to his desk, pulling out a letter she had typed up just for him. Letting him now where she would be, why she was leaving and thanking him for everything. Especially welcoming her into the family so warmly, the last part signed with love. As she laid the letter on the desk, it was hard she almost didn’t want to do it. But she knew she had too. She walked out of his office and closed the door.

Silently she walked to her dad and mom’s chambers. Knocking on the door, there was no answer. Dad was more than likely working. Mom? She didn’t know, they hadn’t talked much since that day in the kitchen, and Bitty shouldn’t have said what she said. Opening the door she walked inside. Once again pulling a letter from her bag. Walking to their bed she felt like her legs were becoming heavy. Standing beside their bed, she laid the letter on her dad’s pillow. Her letter to them, starting out telling them how much she loved them, that she wouldn’t be who she was today, if it wasn’t for them. She went on to explain that she would be leaving the mansion, no longer to live there. It was to hard for her to live there now. Since wasn’t able to actually see and talk to her dad, she made sure to tell him, that he we would be a grandfather. And she hoped to see them soon. She signed it with lots of love and your Bits. She left their room, closing the door behind her. Turning and placing her hand on the door she whispered. “I love you, goodbye.” Her hand slipped from the door as she walked away.

Bitty made her way down the stairs, it was so silent in the mansion. Stopping on the last step. Like ghosts from her past, every memory flooded her mind. A little Bitty running up the stairs, screaming with tears in her eyes, that they didn’t love her. Rhage and Mary hot on her heels, when he made Bitty stop. Then walked up her and bending down and explaining to her why she had to meet her Uncle, and why she shouldn’t talk to her mahmen like she did. Just as fast as they were there, they were gone.

A squeal of laughter brought made her turn, as a little Bitty came out running, without her casts on her arms or legs. Lass on her heels, with a water balloon in his hand. Then Rhage taking the angel to the floor, wanting to kill him, for letting Bitty run and asking why she didn’t have casts on her arms or legs. When Lass explained what he had done. And Bitty coming to the aid of the angel. Once again as fast as they appeared they were gone.

A little Bitty meeting Z for the first time as he came out from door from under the stairs, and they just started at each other. As she carried the ashes of her mahmen in her little arms. JM and Qhuinn having a water gun fight. As she ran up to Qhuinn, then to JM. Tears filled her eyes, they almost spilled over, but she held them back. She stepped off the last step. So memories she was leaving beyond. Into an unknown future, if she was even going to live through the birth of her young.

She walked to the large doors she came through at the young age of 13 years old. It felt like many life times ago it happened. When she welcomed into this family, when she lost the only family she had ever known. To find a large family that was full of love. And a blood Uncle, she didn’t know if he was real or not. Once to the doors, she turned and gave one last look at was once her home for so long. Bitty didn’t know how long she stood there, with her bag in her hand. When a voice she hadn’t heard in such a long time, “Mistress..” She knew it was all in her head. Hell she might even be going crazy. When she turned, there was Fritz. The first to ever welcome her home. She smiled softly at him, she couldn’t help herself. She just stared at the doggen she come to love very much, before he was taken from them all. He smiled at her, then he was gone.

She sighed to herself, flickering her eyes back to the large open space of the mansion. Rooted to the spot at the sight that she saw. It was her family, she knew they weren’t really there. No. Because there was Tohr, Qhuinn, Butch. Marissa, Z, Bella, Little Nalla in her dad’s arms. Wrath, with his arm wrapped around Beth, LW in his mahmen’s arms. Blay, Saxton, Rhev, Ehlena. A grown Nalla and LW with smiles on their faces. Her whole family. Everyone alive and gone. Her eyes landed on her dad and mom. That is when the tears fell without her knowing. Bal was right beside them. His handsome face, with one of his smiles, that he only smiled for her. A little bump extended from between her hips as she rested her hand there. Her voice a broken whisper. “I love you all, bye.”

With those finally words of love and goodbyes, she turned and left through the large doors, out into the night and into an unknown future.

#WhenGoodByesAreTheHardest ISBDB

[rhagebdb]

Blind Date

Rhage:

I couldn't believe what I was about to do, going into the all night diner to meet with one of Bitty's friends. Bitty had told me what she had done after arranging this meeting, she had been sad seeing me on my own. After Mary had left I had withdrawn into myself but I refused to be a man whore like I was before but the beast was getting restless, I didn't know how much longer I could keep the beast at bay till I snapped. So here I was at the diner to meet the female. Walking passed everyone in the diner, heading for the booth at the far end where I knew we wouldn't be disturbed. All the females had their mouths open, their tongues practically on the floor watching me and the males fidgeting in their seats trying not to make eye contact with me. I hated the reaction I got from them all.

Coming to the booth I sat down trying to get my legs under the table. After some time I got my legs under, I picked up the menu and looked through it to see what I fancied to eat. As I was looking at it the waitress came up to me "Would you like some coffee?" "Yes please" She poured the coffee into a cup "You here on your own? I could keep you company" ''No I'm meeting someone thank you" I smelled her distaste at my answer, even if I was here on my own I wouldn't of gone with her, one she wasn't my type and two she was literally throwing herself at me.

After the waitress had left me I noticed a napkin next to my cup, picking it up I saw that she had scribbled her cell phone number on it. Nope wasn't going to call her any time soon. Just then the door opened, a female walked in. She had long brown hair, slender build and long legs. My cock was coming to life, straining against my zipper and the beast was stirring too. I watched her gliding towards me, she looked as if she was using her other senses not her eyes. Holy shit she was blind like Wrath, Bitty never divulged that little tit bit. I be having words with my daughter about this. I was about to get up when she approached me "Are you Rhage?" "Yes I am" She sat across from me in the booth, the waitress came to the table again "Would you like some coffee dear?" Her voice was full of venom, like she was jealous of the female who was sitting across from me.

Shayde:

Why the hell was she nervous? Maybe it was because she was meeting for a date with a male. She fights, that didn’t make her as nervous as a blind date. Shayde laughed at the word blind as she thought it. Bitty had just left, after helping her get ready. Having to trust that she looked good. She loved Bitty, trust was easy. After Bitty had stood up for her, when others had made fun of her. They had become great friends. It was hard not to love Bitty. She just hoped that her father was just as she said.

Shayde checked to make sure she had her knife hidden along her thigh. Never did she go anywhere without some kind of weapon. It made her feel more at ease. The cold steel pressed her flesh, as she checked and made sure to leave food for her dog. She slipped out into the night and made her way to the diner. The one Bitty had showed her how to get to. Letting her senses expand out around her. She walked missing all things in her way. Passing by the pounding of music washed of her. Counting her steps, she stood before the door of the diner.

Her heart was pounding her chest. Just beyond that door was Rhage. Taking a few moments she gathered herself. ‘You can do this Shayde. It's just dinner.’ Giving herself a mental pep talk. She reached for the door and pushed through. Stepping through, letting the door swing close behind her. Sniffing the air, she smelt humans. But then his scent teased her nose. Her heart raced, a deep pull put her into motion. The closer she got, the richer his scent became. Wanting to lick her lips, she didn’t. Scribe his voice, she was going to be a puddle on the floor, if she didn’t sit down. Thanking the scribe the moment she slipped into the seat across from him. She tilted her head a little, not liking the sound of the venom in her voice.

She turned and faced the waitress. Wanting to give her a damn good reason for her to hate Shayde. A smile played on her lips. “Yes I would, and if you could. Please give me and my man so time to look over the menu please sweetie.” She could hear the woman huffed, mumbling Bitch. Shayde smirked, turning back to Rhage. “Its a pleasure to meet you Rhage. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Shayde.” Holding out her hand to shake his. “I want to say sorry for doing that. But I hate when females or males hate me on sight. There needs to be a reason behind it.”

Rhage:

I was drinking from my cup when Shayde said that she and her man wanted to look over the menu. I choked on my coffee, coughing hard. Shaking her hand I heard her reasoning about what she had done "That's fine. I get the females more or less throwing themselves at me but I'm not interested in them like I used to be. Christ that sounded bad. I'm not a man whore or anything" I was digging a hole deeper by the second with the crap that was coming out of my mouth.

Looking at the menu at what I wanted, the cheeseburger looked tasty and so did the onion rings. "Are you ready to order Shayde?" I got the waitress's attention "We like to order please. Cheeseburger, onion rings" I looked at the menu again "The steak dinner and cheese nachos"  "Is that all for the both of you?" "No that's just for me. Shayde what would you like?" Looking up I saw the shocked look on her face "Got to have a lot of carbohydrates for what I do" It wasn't a lie but I wasn't going to say in front of the human female. The waitress looked at Shayde "And what are you having?"

After Shayde had given her order I tried for small talk while we waited for our food to be cooked "What do you do? Bitty hasn't told me a lot about you. I fight for our race against lessers." I felt odd, it was like being with Mary once again but this time I wanted this relationship to be more successful than with Mary. I ran a hand through my hair, I was nervous about all this dating thing. I didn't know if I was ready to date again but I needed a release or a fight to keep the beast at bay. Talking of the beast he was wanting to come forward to look at Shayde through my eyes.

Shayde:

Shayde listened to him talk, oh he had a wonderful voice. She could listen to him all night long. Resting her cheek on her hand, she got lost in his voice. Bitty was right, he was amazing. “Rhage, relax its ok really.” She felt her way over and rubbed the back of his hand. “If it helps to know, I’m nervous too.” Smiling at him, she let her hand slip from his. She could see why Bitty loved her dad so much. Anyone would love someone as sweet as him. It was nice to be able to have dinner with him.

Shayde didn’t need to really look at the menu, Bitty had helped her learn the menu. Shocked speechless on how much he ate. Bitty had said something about how much he ate. And now she would get to be here when he does. Not even looking at the female human, she ordered. “I’ll have chicken fried steak please.” The waitress nodded and went to put in their order. Feeling for her cup of coffee, it brushed against the tips of her fingers. Gripping the cup she brought it to her lips. “I love that you’re not ashamed about how much you eat. And who doesn’t like a male that eats well.” She wanted to put him at ease.

Setting her cup down. “What do I do?” Shit how was she going to answer that? It wasn’t like she made it known that she fought. Playing with the handle of her cup. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Bitty speaks so much about you, I feel like I know you already.” She smiled, she would have to tell him. “But what I do. Well..you see.” Clearing her throat. “I fight, but I fight for different reasons then you might think Rhage.” She never told Bitty about this. “It's a very long story. One that I’ll shall, but it’s a topic for dinner.” Feeling the pang of the loss of her mahmen, but she pushed it aside. She smiled up at him. “Tell me more about you. Bitty has told me of you love of movies and ice cream. I must say I really like that.” She laughed some. “Countless times Bitty had tried to get me to watch a movie or eat different kinds of ice cream. She is very much like you.”

She hoped to god that she wasn’t rambling.

Rhage:

When Shayde touched my hand an electric volt passed between us, this was the first time I felt like this in a long time, her voice was like an actual angel was talking to me. "You fight? That I would like to see. Sorry I didn't mean to be cruel then. I mean it's hard not to say anything about sight" I felt my face reddened by the second, then I caught her scent of sadness as  she sort of explained why she fought "I'd like to know why you do fight but what I get from your scent it's personal. Like many on the training program fight for personal reasons. A lot lost in the raids which was a great loss, especially with the civilian vampires who were lost. The Glymera I couldn't care less about. It was when myself and my Brothers saw the carnage we all were shocked that those stuck up bastards didn't let the civilian vampires into the safe room. If it wasn't for those vampires they wouldn't be living those grand houses" I felt my own sadness for the loss.

The waitress came over with the food, placing the plate of chicken stakes in front of Shayde, then placed the plates of my order in front of me "Thank you" the waitress went away. Taking a little bit of each plate I savoured each dish "Delicious" Starting with the cheeseburger I soon devoured it "Bitty is her father's daughter, she never stops talking. Yeah I like my movies. I like Marvel, DC and the cult classic horror movies" I put the empty plate to one side I start on the steak next.

Looking up I notice that Shayde hadn't really touch her meal "That chicken smells nice. You need to eat something if you want to carry on fighting. You need the carbohydrates and protein to help you get through the fight" Once I've polished off the steak I bring the onion rings in front of me and began to eat them. Signalling for the waitress to come over "Can I have some coffee please?" The waitress topped up my cup looking over at Shayde "Would you like some more dear?"

Shayde:

As she listened to Rhage talk of all the death. She sought out his hand once more, gripping his hand in hers. The current and just the feel of his hand, helped her. It claimed and soothed her. “I know that feeling all too well myself.” She toyed with his fingers a little. “Back in the old country, I lived with my mahmen. We went to her parents place like every Sunday. We didn’t live far from them, it was close enough for us to walk. We got to my grandparents' place.” She was lost in the past at the moment, not knowing why she would tell anyone about her past. But she felt she could tell Rhage anything. “We walked up and every light was on. They never did that. I knew something was wrong, and I was right. The door was open and that is when I smelt the blood. My mahmen ran in before I could stop her.” She was reliving it all over again. “I ran into my whole family, well the ones I knew my whole young life, killed. They may have hated me but they were my family.” She went on. “I walked into my mahmen’s body fall to the floor.” She stopped and squeezed his hand. “It felt like a lifetime ago. I came here to look for my brother, I hope to find him.” She shook her head. “Sorry about that Rhage.”

Letting go of his hand, she smelled the food as it was put in front of her.  Feeling for the plate, she didn’t want to make a fool of herself. Softly she spoke, “Thank you.” Shayde picked up her fork and knife. This was a pain to try and eat. She looked to her plate, not seeing a damn thing. But she gave it the best try that she could. She couldn’t help but smile when he started to talk about Bitty. “The female does love to talk. I love her to death for that. Her dad is special too.” Great she said that, he’s going to think there is something wrong with her. Clearing her throat. “I hear all about the movies.” She grinned. “And countless times I told Bitty I can’t see to watch them.She put some of the chicken fried steak in her mouth, to stop herself from talking more.

She lifted her head and smiled at him. “It's very good.” Feeling for a plate. “Here let me give you some.” She gave up on the plate. “You might have to lean over and let me offer it to you.” Oh hell, really? He was going to think that she was coming onto him or throwing herself at him. No she just wanted to feed him. And hell if she knew why she felt that way. She smiled at how he pointed that out to her. She smiled and nodded. “Yes please.” The waitress poured her more and left. As Shayde felt around and cut up her meat. Just in case Rhage wanted some.

Rhage:

I leisurely played with her fingers as she talked about her past, when she had finished my heart broke for her loss by what the lessers had done to her. I vowed there and then that I'd kill every lesser that breathed. "I'm sorry to hear about your loss" then she said something about a brother "Who is your brother? I may know him" I played with her fingers some more, I was skirting around the elephant in the room but I had to know "Don't take this the wrong way but how did you lose your sight?"

I noticed that Shayde was trying to cut the chicken up, the next thing that came out of her mouth stunned me "Can I feed you Rhage?" "Not to offend you but it should be the male to feed his female, then when she's had enough the male eats what's left. Let me feed you Shayde" Before she could protest I took the knife and fork and began to cut the chicken up. Taking a couple of cut chicken onto the fork "Open wide" Shayde did and I placed the fork into her mouth. Her lips engulfed the fork, fuck what would it be like to have her lips around my cock. The beast once again stirred to the front of my being, my eyes flashed white as he saw her with his own eyes "You're beautiful Shayde" he said. No he was not going to spoil this for me, shaking my head the beast retreated back deep inside of me. Getting back to the program I continued to feed Shayde till she was full. I finished off the onion rings and the nachos. Once I had done I waved the waitress over "Can I have the bill please" The waitress got the bill, I paid and tipped the waitress.

"Would you like to go for a stroll before dawn breaks Shayde?" I got up and helped her from her seat. Tucking her hand around my arm I lead Shayde out of the diner, leading her away from the diner and the clubs where it was more quiet for us to talk. "What do you want to do after all the fighting?" I listened to her plans, I was listening to the tone of her voice instead of the words, her voice calmed me, calmed the beast too. This was the first time the beast wasn't wanting a release. "Would you want to see again. If I found a way with Havers would you like to see again?" To have her eyes upon me and her truly look at me was a fucking turn on.

Shayde:

It was nice to feel his touch, it claimed her in some many ways. Which only just opened her up to him even more. She nodded, it felt like he actually meant it. And she hadn’t told anyone about her family, always holding it close to her heart. Not wanting others to feel sorry for her. But with him, it didn’t feel like that at all. She lifted her head, “I only know his first name, my brother is Darius. I never got to meet him. My father never wanted me to meet him. Even my mahmen kept me from looking. All I wanted to do was to meet him. To know my brother.” She took a big breath and let it out slowly. “Over the long years it has slowly come back to me. When I found my mahmen. A lesser took my life, I stood at a door, but I didn’t  walk through. Though it was hard not to. I heard a voice, a woman's voice. She was in a black robe. It was the Scribe herself. I asked her to send me back, to let me fight. She did, when I woke in my body, I was blind. I held my mahmen after that.” She wiped away her tears.

When he came and sat next to her, she was shocked. No one had ever wanted to feed her, to show that she was cared for and that she mattered. Shayde always sat away from her family when they ate meals together. When he said that she was beautiful, his voice was a little different. But that didn’t stop the blush that heated her cheeks. Softly she spoke, “Thank you Rhage.” She assumed that he was eating what was left of his food. Moving closer to him, she just wanted to be close to him. Wanting to ask to touch his face, to be able to see him. But that might have been out of place to ask. One day she would feel what he looked like.

“I would love to Rhage.” She didn’t want to leave him right now. Wanting the night to go on as long as it could. She walked close to him, it felt right to be close like this. Trusting him to lead her and protect her. “After?” She had to think. “To be honest, I never thought about it. But since you asked, I would like to have a family of my own. To share the rest of my life with someone. Maybe to one day have young.” She stroked his arm. “Though who would want to be with a blind female, or to even have a family with them. I don’t see that happening for awhile.” She didn’t want to get her hopes up, then to have them crushed.

She froze beside him, looking ahead of them. Tears flowed down her cheeks. “I...I..would love to see again. I wasn’t always blind. I want to see the stars again, to see the smiles on others faces.” She turned to face him, looking up to where she thought he might be. “To see you, would be the greatest gift I would ever get. I want to see you, to see your eyes and smile.” She was trying not to get her hopes up. “If you think it possible, I would love it, I really would Rhage.” For a chance to see again, was something she only ever dreamed of. Now there was a small chance to see again. She wouldn’t be able to thank him enough.

#BlindDate

#TOTB

#BDB

[saintsnsinnersbdb]

New Beginnings / Tohrture Boys

Written by @TohrSASRP, @Rhage_SASBDB, @Leethall_SASBDB.

Rhage: *I walk down the tunnel down to the garage and I go over to my GTO. I need Leethal to look at me and see the real me. I want this kid to really want me to be a son, my son, my legacy as Leethall, Son of Rhage. I want him to want to be a part of my family, Mary and I with OUR son no matter the age he may have had his mahmen but I would like for him to be able to call my Mary,  mother or mom as they say in the human way.

I don’t know everything the kid has gone through, I myself would like to take some time and get to know him, his past and see where things have gone wrong. A last meal I looked over at him so many times. He just kept his head down and really didn’t eat. He just sat there really, I didn’t want to talk to him much, putting him on the spot. Just watching him I knew something was going through his head.  

I’ve talked to Mary and she is right there with me. I need to get with him, I need to get him by himself. I shake my head and put my keys in the ignition back out and work my way out of the garage and out through the multiple gates, then out on the open blacktop the white lines are shining in my headlights and the bright yellow dotted fly by, I don’t know what I’m doing out here my thoughts flying through my head. I should just go back and go straight to his room and talk to him about what is going on with me, I should have been there for him throughout his life, his change and stopped his depression that he had a father and no way was he a bastard. I’m right here.

Why couldn’t he see that? I want him to be and actual Father to my son. I didn’t get the whole duty of being a Father while he was growing up from a Young to a Man through his change to the Man I know he can be.

I turn my GTO around with the tires squealing across the black pavement knowing there are going to be black marks where my heavy mean machine slides across to point the other way back to the Manse. 

As I work my way back watching the black pavement move under my tires I have these visions of Leethall growing up and taking all kinds shit because I was not around then, He had to grow up tough, and he’s proven that. He just needs to let us in and show him we can be a family and if I was there when he was young all his anger would be in the right place. Toward the threat of our race.

As I pull through the gates I feel my heart beat faster and I just feel nervous for some reason. I want him to feel welcome, why am I so damn nervous I go through the last gate seeing the garage in view. I pull in rev my engine one last time and put it in park and take one last deep breath and get out. 

I get myself mentally prepared to walk through the doors and straight to the gym. Maybe if I get myself a short workout and run on the tread it helps my mental capacity. I’ll go try and talk after a run, I pull my phone out and throw My Mary a text letting her know I came back from my drive, going to workout and then find Leethall and talk. I promised her I will stay calm. Once I walk in I can hear people sparing. My first thought was yeah that’ll work alot better, I turned to go into the sparring room and stop not believing what I was seeing. I had to shake my head and do a double take. I couldn’t believe that it was Tohr and Leethall. And Leethall is getting his ass handed to him. My first instinct was to go and kick his ass for touching my son like that. It’s my job to teach him how to fight like a brother NOT Tohr. I feel myself shake. I breathe deep. I tell him no it’s not time to come out. There is not a major threat. I clear my throat to make myself known.*

Tohr: *I fake a leg-sweep and watch Leethall jump to avoid being thrown off balance. As he peaks, I bend my knee and ram it into his stomach and shove him to the ground, watching the kidd huff and growl as he is once again beaten* Concentrate! *My command is harsh and loud but I have to be tough on this kid to keep him from having a temper tantrum. I watch as Leethall gets back up, his body bruised from our nearly nightly sessions, yet the kid is showing potential. I hear the door to the gym open and roll my shoulders, getting ready for the next round. Leethall is quickly on his legs, but he’s drenched with sweat. He lunges at me moving fast but the sheer power in the kid is obvious. I face him head on, letting him run directly into a grab before I flip both of us over and pin him to the ground* Stop letting that temper blind you. Use it as fuel, but concentrate on the fight.  *I say before I ease up and get to my feet just as I can hear someone clear their throat. I turn my head and see my brother, Rhage, offering a nod before I walk towards the showers. I offer my brothers shoulder a few pats and a squeeze, just to let him know I’m giving father and son some space but I’m there for him if he needs me* Leethall: *I narrow my eyes as the brother Tohrment for the millionth time introduces my face to the placemat under us. I let out a frustrated scream only to have the brother bark back at me to focus rather than letting the rage take over. While I realise he’s right, it’s infuriating as hell but very necessary for me to hear it. A throat clearing makes me look up from the mat, seeing the brother Rhage, my blooded father, has entered the gym without me realising it. I can feel Tohr get off me and I get to my feet, grabbing a towel to wipe down my face. 

After Tohr leaves, I let the silence dwell a while, not entirely sure what to even say to the blond male left alone with me, but no matter what I’m determined not to run my mouth. It’s time to make good on what I promised mahmen all those years ago, and accept the queen’s part of my punishment. At least getting to know Rhage and perhaps his mate as well, try to become a part of the family. I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders, trying to keep my body warm before I look towards the blue eyes of the blond brother, not entirely sure how he will receive what I’m about to say* I’m supposed to spar for a while longer, if you want in. I’ll offer you a rythe for offending you and your brothers. I was… Out of line to say the least and I’m sorry for that. I’m… Shit. *I stop talking and instead just avert my eyes, mentally preparing for whatever response will come, verbal or physical*

Rhage: *I’m standing in front of my son, He just offered me a rythe but, since he’s not a brother (yet) that cannot be done* No, not needed. *I offer my hand to show him* I forgive everything that has happened since we’ve met. It should have been done differently Leethall. Mary and I are here, No matter what we are family. This entire Mase is family and we are here for you.

Leethall: *I look to the male as he speaks, forgiving me for everything without the need to kick the shit out of me. I take a few deep breaths as I listen to him, making good on my promise to myself to simply shut the fuck up for a change. As the brother extends his hand, I hesitate for a moment, considering whether or not this could be some sort of trap, but I eventually take his hand and give it a little squeeze. I look to his blue eyes as he mentions his female, offering a nod* When you’re ready, I’d love to meet her properly.   

*I look to the blue mat and roll my shoulders a bit more, looking to whom I will perhaps eventually call my father* I still need to get some exercise and build up some muscles. Maybe we could do it together? *I ask, hoping we can continue the good vibes by also exhausting ourselves physically* 

Rhage: *Watching him being unsure as he takes my hand and squeezes and I squeeze back* Why don’t we take a break and properly meet the family, eat then come back and work some of that food off? No time like the present to get ahead. Leethall: *I offer a sincere but perhaps a bit of a strained smile. This is completely new territory for me and a part of me is still not convinced there’s any room for me. My wounds still run deep, it would appear. But I made a vow to my Mahmen and received an order from the king and queen to top it off with, so there is no pussying out now. It’s now or never* Yeah, let’s go do that. But, is it fine if I hit the showers first? I’d rather be somewhat presentable, if that’s cool with you. 

Rhage: *As I notice all these words are strained but, making a gallant offer of trying and looking at his face, seeing myself with his anger and wanting to take out anything with his pain with the loss of his Mahmen. I know the feeling, loss it’s one thing that our race shares deeply. When you are of our species, loss is everything to us. That will be one of our most important conversations.* Sure son, I’ll be over here *I point to a desk off the side* just working on some papers till you're ready to go. *I go over and sit, pull out my phone and text My Mary that we will be ready for first meal in a bit while Leethall gets ready and we can go in as a family, with our son in tow.*

#NewBeginnings #TohrtureBoys #FamilyProblems #PartSeventeen #SaintsNSinners #BDB #SASBDB

[becomethebooks]

Answer alll of them

1: What book did you last finish? When was that? The Drowning Eyes, I finished it in December2: What are you currently reading? The Shadows, Words of Radiance3: What book are you planning to read next? Hollow City, The Raven King, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe4: What was the last book you added to your tbr? All the Crooked Saints5: Which book did you last re-read? Shiver6: Which book was the last one you really, really loved? Eleanor and Park 7: What was/were the last book/books you bought? I don’t count textbooks, so, The Drowning Eyes8: Paperback or hardcover? Why? Paperback bc they’re cheaper, Hardcovers because they’re prettier to look at 9: YA, NA or Adult? Why? YA because sometimes its good to get lost in fiction10: Sci-Fi or fantasy? Why? Both, though I’ve read a lot more fantasy11: Classic or modern? Why? Both, though I’ve read more modern, some of the classics are in my favorites12: Political memoirs or comedic memoirs? Political memoirs, haven’t read any comedic memoirs13: Name a book with a really bad movie/tv adaption: Twilight series, though the last movie was really great, the first few didn’t do it justice14: Name a book where the movie/tv adaption actually was better than the original: Bridge to Terabithia, I don’t think it was better necessarily, but I enjoyed it just as much15: What book changed your life? Shiver, first book I really loved16: If you could bring three books to a deserted island which would you bring and why? Survival books lol But I guess if I’m gonna either die there or be rescued soon, I’d choose the Shiver series17: If you owned a bookshop what would you call it? Its a secret, I don’t want anyone stealing it lmao18: Which character from a book is the most like you? I think I’m like Mary from the black dagger brotherhood series19: Which character from a book is the least like you? Zsadist from the black dagger brotherhood series20: Best summer read? Eleanor and Park21: Best winter read? A Great and Terrible Beauty22: Pro or anti e-readers? Why? I like them for what they are and the reduction of using paper, but I also hate that they’re driving down the creation of books and putting small bookstores out of business.23: Bookdepository or Amazon? Amazon, I’ve never heard of Bookdepository but I’ll check it out24: Do you prefer to buy books online or in a bookshop? Bookshop all the way25: If you could be a character from a book for just one day who would you be and why? (Bonus: any specific day in the story?) I’d want to be Grace, so I could shift between wolf and human and know what its like26: If you could be a character from a book for their entire life who would you be and why? I would want to be my own character in the book, but I’d definitely want to be in the Shiver series because duh werewolves27: If you could change one thing about mainstream literature what would you change? Character diversity 28: How many books have you read so far this year? None :(29: How do you sort your shelves? Genre then size then color then author30: Who’s your favorite author? John Steinbeck is one of them31: Who’s your favorite contemporary author? Maggie Stiefvater32: Who’s your favorite fantasy author? Maggie Stiefvater33: Who’s your favorite Sci-Fi author? Haven’t read a lot of sci-fi to know34: List five OTPs: Eleanor/Park, Grace/Sam, Rhage/Mary, Suzanne/Matt, Ronan/Adam35: Name a book you consider to be terribly underrated: Shiver36: Name a book you consider to be terribly overrated: Twilight37: How many books are actually in your bookshelf/shelves right now? Around 20038: What language do you (most often) read in? English39: Name one of your favorite childhood books: The Giving Tree40: Name one of your favorite books from your teenage years: A Great and Terrible Beauty41: Do you own a library card? How often do you use it? Yes, not often42: Which was the best book you had to read in school? East of Eden43: Are you the kind of person who reads several books at once or the kind of person who can only read one book at a time? Several books at once lol44: Do you like to listen to music when you read? Not really, unless I’m in a loud place then yes45: What is your favorite thing to eat when you read? Grapes46: What is your favorite thing to drink when you read? Juice47: What do you do to get out of a reading slump? Make time and read48: Where is your favorite place to read? On a beach or in the woods though I rarelyyyyy get to49: When is your favorite time to read? Morning or around noon50: Why do you love to read? I love to get lost in them, I love to learn from them

#ask

[bondedbrotherhood-blog]

Those who can’t do, Teach (flashback)

Written by @ReliableTorment and @FearMyRhage *~*~*~*~* Rhage: “Don’t take personal shit onto the field.” “But what~” “Deadset, kid, if you try and give me a ‘what if’ scenario, I will throw this stapler at you.” That shut him up, and fuck, I was grateful for it too. The last thing I needed was some upstart trying to explain how some emotions could be worked past better than others. My favorite argument was the whole ‘fuel for the fire’ thing. Being so angry it motivated you. Yeah. No. Not when you’re a pup fresh outta the gate and it’s not just your life on the line. Come back to me with that argument when you had more than two hundred years of fighting instinct under your belt. Then we could talk about fuel for the fucking fire. Letting out a deep sigh, I glanced to Tohr, trying not to roll my eyes, and pushed on. I was more than grateful the male was here. Doing this on my own might’ve just led to a mass murder followed by the Doggen ecstatically cleaning blood off the wall for a month. “You might think that emotion will help you in the field, but until every blade is like an extension of you, every gun as at home in your hand as your cock, you don’t have the muscle memory, reflex or instinct to fallback on. Those things protect you against your emotions when you’re out there. Reflex and instinct can save your life. Not anger. Not pain. Not rage. Not until you know how to do everything else in your damn sleep. So moral of the emotional story? Leave it at home or stay at home. Cause I don’t wanna be counting on one of you to have my back and your head is still stuck in some post break up fuck up you’re sporting. Anything to add to that, Tohr?” I looked over to the male and gave him a small smile. The thankful kind. Tohr: I listened to Rhage half sitting on the edge of one of the classroom desks and as the questions kept rolling in, which in a way surprised me, since these kind of classes usually didn’t hit home. There weren’t as much kicking and fighting as there was talking, thinking and discussing, not the norm for trainees to listen or sit still for that long. But all eyes were on Rhage, all ears large as an elephant and the discussions had gone on high all afternoon; and now we were fifteen minutes past due and the one who was getting grumpy was Rhage. I coughed almost choking on my own spit at his choice of words, my eyebrows raising slightly. Not that I was a boy scout and this sure wasn’t a room filled with them either but still they were all young and had their whole lives in front of them. “Aaah, I don’t know if I can add anything else that would put any value to what Rhage here oh so, colorful description.” There were a small eruption of laughter and I even got a huge grin with a shrug from Rhage. “I can only point out what has already been said, that wearing your emotions on your sleeve will never win you any points or favors on the field. Instead it will be used against you and kill you or worse, kill what you love and have you live with the loss.” I knew first hand what that felt like. A mistake I’d never do again. After two losses I was done with that side of life. “Alright, kiddos, let’s pack it up for the day it is Friday after all and you have the weekend off. Go have your fun!” There were cheers and yells of hell yeah. “But remember training starts back up 6 am Monday morning.” Rhage: I tried not to wince when Tohr mentioned the death of what you loved. Just the thought of Bitty, Mary or any of my Brothers going to the Fade made my chest tight. Mary n’ I may not have been ‘together’ any more, but shit, I still cared for the female more than I cared about my own sorry ass. That Tohr had endured the loss of his female more than once baffled me. Male was stronger than anyone I knew, hands down. Watching the trainees file out, beginning to decide on their weekends and the mad shit they’d get up to when not on our dime, I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Thinking of the weekend just made me think of the things I wasn’t doing, and the quiet stillness of my room. Bitty brought life to it, but that was a crutch I couldn’t always lean on. It wasn’t up to the kid to keep me happy. It was actually the reverse. “Thanks for comin’ down for this man,” I say quietly, once the room is empty and we’re left to the peace. “I know it’s not the favorite subject to teach. For, like, any of us,” I rattle of, meeting the male’s gaze. “But m’ sure you probably have a special hatred for it.” I wondered what Tohr did now, on these nights where we weren’t on rotation, nothing to fight, and no one waiting in his room. Just like me. That reality hit me a little harder, blinking as I put away the last of the paperwork. Glancing sideways at the male, watching that strong profile out of the corner of my eye, I couldn’t help but admire him. It’d only been a few months for me and I was already going insane. He’d been dealing with this shit for years, and looked as strong as he ever had. Tohr: Talking about Wellsie and our son these day weren’t as hard as it been those first few years. Yes, I missed them /a lot/ and I knew somehow I always would but now instead of feeling this immense pain when talking about them it felt good doing so. It made it feel like even though they were gone their memory was kept alive and they became the reason others value the life they had with their loved ones. I knew a time would come when I’d hopefully be reunited with them in the fade in some way or another. I turned to Rhage as he spoke my eyes still glued on the task before me in tidying up after the trainees. The way they all behaved in a classroom you’d think they were decades from becoming ready for the streets of Caldwell but they weren’t, far from it. “I don’t mind, really. I just don’t think they have the sense to take it all in. They are still way too young, too innocent and think they are all invincible, death and love aren’t in their mindset yet only hormonal horniness and cool battle wounds.” I can’t but help to chuckle thinking back to the ‘ol days when we all were newbees. Turning fully to Rhage with a huge grin. “Can you even remember when that was us? You were the ever horny one in our crowd.” I couldn’t help but to tease. Rhage was blindingly beautiful, hence his nickname Hollywood, even I could see and appreciate his physical beauty but few saw beyond it and fewer was allowed to see anything else but the confident warrior attitude. We who got to see it were those who were considered family. “Do you miss it, the good old days, I mean?” At times I did but at other times I hated the past and the memories of it. Rhage: The old days? I frowned as I thought about it, looking down at the floor. There was a lot to think about. Humans saying ‘the old days’ were talking about a few decades. When Tohr and I spoke of it, we were going past the hundred year mark. Centuries of experiences and choices, good and bad. I knew what he was getting at though. The days when the war had been straight forward - none of this street fighting, high powered semi automatic rifles bullshit. Blade to blade and fist to fist. The Brothers against the Lessers. But we started young too. The difference was, we’d known this was our path from childhood. Some of these kids? They’d lived normal lives until the war had spilled into it. Their greatest concerns had been dinners and family events and night college. Now it was fighting to survive, to protect their loved ones. But separating from that previous life would be hard. It was all they knew. “I miss the simplicity of it,” I hear myself say, looking back up. “I miss the people we don’t have anymore. I miss not having a Dragon attachment,” I add ruefully, trying /not/ to remember so egregiously pissing off the Scribe Virgin. “I don’t miss screwing my way through the countryside. I don’t miss trying to soothe an itch that never went away and I could never scratch.” Placating the Dragon had, for the longest time, been an endless stream of fighting, liquor, and one night stands. It had made sex meaningless, love a farce, and desensitized me to everything. I didn’t miss that. And I didn’t look forward to its inevitable return now that I didn’t have Mary to soothe the beast. Already, I felt the familiar itch and pressure at my back. “There’s a lot I miss,” I agree quietly, “and there’s a lot I don’t. But I guess that’s like anything. I’m just grateful for the people we have now.” Setting the last of the paperwork in the cabinet, locking it and tidying the table, I looked around at the otherwise clean room. Tohr stood by the door, cutting an impressive figure with his arms folded and nodding his head. Everyone else was busy now, coming back from the street to their loved ones or having last meal as a family. “Wanna drink with me?” Tohr: Fixing up the last row of tables and chairs, hanging the chairs on the tables so it would be easier for the lads and ladettes who was on cleaning duty to do so I finished off by closing the windows; all while listening to Rhage as he spoke. I agreed with what he said it was spot on the mix of emotions that he had, like most things in life yes there were good things and bad things in the past. I missed Darius, he had always been then sensible and calm one in our group. Since he was ripped from us, all those years ago, I’d tried to fill his shoes but I knew I was lacking in bravery and strength. Darius was irreplaceable and we all knew it. When done I stood by the large double doors, arms folded across my chest watching Rhage finishing the last bit. As I studied him I could see that he looked… for the lack of a better word, sad. It wasn’t something that I associated with Rhage even if I seldom to never associated him as the player so many others did either. None of us who knew him did because we knew why he slept around like he did and drank, we also knew he always felt like his looks cursed him because before meeting Mary he was just a pretty face with a dick attached to it so to speak. At least that was my interpretation of what I’d seen over the centuries. “The dragon isn’t that bad, he just isn’t as pretty as you that’s all. He need to stop his hissing and drooling and he be doing fine with the ladies.” I tried teasing with a gentle smile. “You’d look naked without the tattoo on your back, you know.” I winked before going a bit more serious. “I understand though, I wish I could share your burden, Rhage, I really do. If I could take it all together I would.” I put my hand on his shoulder as he came up to join me by the door. “Yeah, I’d like that a few drinks and maybe some pie for dinner. I’ve had a craving for Pizza all week but had no one to share it with. What do you say? I’ll even throw in a few tootsie pops for dessert.” Rhage: I barked a laugh as I walked toward the door. “I would rather go into battle for the rest of my life completely naked then have the dragon some days,” I reply wryly, shaking my head. As the male clapped me on the shoulder, I felt the comforting calm of someone I’d known my whole life offering me reassurance. Support. Even if it was unspoken. I appreciated that. “A slice sounds perrrrrrfect,” I groan, my stomach growling to agree with me. “And with tootsie pops for desert? Geez, you really know how to treat a male, doncha?” I commend, stepping into the hall and shutting the classroom door. Our footsteps echoed as we beat feet back to the main entrance, slipping through Tohr’s office and up into the manse. Mercifully, it sounded like everyone was either upstairs or at first meal. With a quick glance at Tohr, I tilted my head toward the billiards room and darted across the distance, escaping into the room and waving frantically for the male to follow me. Tohr: I fish my phone out of my pocket as we start walking through the long tunnels leading back to the main house. I start typing a message to Fritz to ask him to get an order in for a couple pizzas. If we take the pizzas in the TV room slash sitting room we can be both comfortable, watch telly if we get to the point where we have nothing to talk about or want snacks. I even know of Fritz hidden stash of tootsie pops, Swedish fish and a few other things that needs hiding from the greedy mouths of the brothers. “I suppose you want everything as per usual except the little fishies and pineapple.” I say as a matter of statement rather than a question hitting send before I really get an answer knowing if by a million years Rhage changed his mind I can change the order. Fritz always know to give it a few minutes extra before actually ordering. I know for a fact that is how he likes it, we all know that kind of shit about each other, which is kind of creepy when you think about it. The things I know about Rhage or Butch, and let’s not get started about Vishous; damn there were things I knew about that male that I’d be glad if someone swiped my memory off. But that was the kind of family we were to each other and at times like these where everyone spent most of their time with their shellans and young. I didn’t blame them and knew I would have done the same if I could. “You want to bunk up in the small family room rather than the theater room? It is cosier there than the theater.” I stop in the middle of the hall scrunching up my face. “I can’t believe I just said that. I sound just like Lassiter.” I groan out loud as I start walking, my head hanging down as I think of that damn angel who happened to save my life and who throughout the years managed to make his way into my heart too. He was still a pain in the ass though. Rhage: Snorting, I changed direction at the male’s suggestion. Smaller environment meant we were less likely to be disturbed; a bonus considering I wasn’t exactly in the mood for my Brothers and their loved ones amassing around me while I was in emotional purgatory. “You’re allowed to ‘sound’ like Lassiter, sure. The second you start /dressing/ like him we’re gonna stage a fuckin’ intervention, okay?” Smiling, I shook my head as I thought of the angel. He’d arrived here as a colossal pain in the ass and yet somehow, become a part of the family. And there wasn’t a day that went by where we weren’t grateful he’d brought Tohrment back to us. Despite his loss, despite his pain and grief, it had been Lassiter to help him find his way back. That alone bought the angel a lot of good will. Especially when you thought about the fact we’d seen Lass in leopard print underwear. Some things cannot be unseen. “What’re we feelin’ for movies? Or did you just wanna binge watch some TV?” I offer, wandering into the family room and flopping down into the comfort of a plush chair. Tohr: I gave Rhage what I hope to be a look of horror. “Can you imagine me in leopard print or those skimpy bathing suits he wears? Scribe, if that ever happen you have my permission to kill me on sight.” A involuntary shudder went through me. No, I wouldn’t wear anything like that ever, for me it was black blacka with the occationional grey. But somehow no matter the ridiculousness of the clothes Lassiter wore he always managed to make it look good which I guess was a good thing for him since he loved the fancy stuff. Not unlike a certain cop I knew. “Movies… I can do movies, why not a marathon of something.” I glanced at my watch it was just a few minutes shy of six pm. “The night is young and I sure as hell don’t have any wild plans to night. So unless you are going out or something I could do with a few movies. No drama and no horror though.” I was quick to add. I just wasn’t in the mood for anything heavy. Upon entering the family room Fritz had already been there and put out snacks such as tootsie pops for Rhage and some other candy. The TV was on ready to be used and the fridge was all stocked with our favorite drinks. “He’s a good man that Fritz.” “Thank you, Sire.” I jumped at hearing his voice. “I am sorry, Sire, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” Fritz said in amusement. “I just wanted to let you both know that the pizza will be here in about 30 minutes and to just call me if you fancy anything else this evening.” “Thank you, Fritz, we will. We appreciate you setting the room up for us.” “It was my pleasure, Sires.” And he was off. “Scribe, that male is too quiet for his own good.” I went to the fridge and grabbed two beers, opened them as I brought them over to the couch and handing one to Rhage. Rhage: Considering Tohr’s requirements, I thought about a series that’d entertain us both while steering clear of horror or drama. A slow grin spread across my face, and stayed even as Fritz did his usual ‘everywhere at once’ trick. People could think vampires were supernatural all they liked; until they’d met Fritz, they had no clue. That doggen was supernaturally gifted in ways even we would never know. Accepting the beer with a nod of thanks, I took a mouthful and grabbed up the remote. Scrolling through the impressive movie collection listed, I found my own personal favorites folder and clicked through. “I figured out what we should watch,” I say conversationally, finding the right folder and beaming. Looking to Tohr, I waved the remote. “How do we feel about the Die Hard series? I mean, they’re awesome action movies and there’s plenty to get us through the night.” Dropping back into one of the recliners, I kicked back with my feet up, settling the drink on the side table as I waited for Tohr to weigh in. I couldn’t even remember if the male had /seen/ Die Hard, and wasn’t that just a tragedy if he hadn’t? Talk about missing out on the great things in life. Male was deprived if he hadn’t heard the majesty of yippee-ki-yay-motherfucker. Tohr: Sitting down in the other recliner next to Rhage I leaned back, leaving the footrest down for now, I didn’t want to get too comfortable before the food got here. I was starving but if the lazy hit me not even wild horses could get my ass up. Almost. I sipped my beer, watching Rhage flip through the movie browser. “Die hard, I’ve heard about it but I’ve never seen any of the movies.” I hadn’t for some strange reason. I liked those kind of movies but I just never gotten around to it. Wellsie didn’t like those kind of movies at all and I always let her choose and with Autumn we seldom to never watched TV since she never really got used to doing it. The time I been alone I’d mostly read, spent time with Layla’s and Qhuinn’s babies or been in the office working, unless of course I’d been on rotation. “Let’s do it. Let’s watch them. I’ve heard Bruce Willis brings his A-game in these.” I smile over to Rhage seeing the look on his face, a look sayin almost are-you-fucking-kidding-me. “What?” All of a sudden I was a bit uncomfortable, not run for the hills but like Rhage was seeing something he shouldn’t and I didn’t know what it was. Shit. Things had been so damn weird as of late, with everything and everyone, especially, Rhage and I didn’t know what or why. It had been sort of tense, as if there was something unsaid but I knew there wasn’t which made it even worse. Rhage: I hit play a little harder than the remote probably appreciated, but shit, Tohr had just fessed up that he’d never seen Die Hard, so this shit had to start /now/. “Can’t believe you’ve never watched these… This one is obviously the best, but all of them are perfect.” Letting out a contented sigh, I took a mouthful of my drink and realised for the first time in a long time, I was having an enjoyable night that didn’t involve worshipping at Bitty’s feet. Bless that kid and her keeping me sane, but I couldn’t depend on her every night to be there and maintain ‘my’ functionality. I wasn’t about to put that on a child. But here I was, sitting with Tohr, and feeling like the night wasn’t a lonely black hole with me avoiding a trip to the Iron Mask. “Hey, thanks for this,” I say suddenly, glancing over at the male and flashing a warm, genuine smile. “S’nice to just… hang out, y’know? Everyone’s been so fam oriented lately. N’ I don’t blame them. Just makes it harder for ones like us.” Well, I thought it did. I could’ve been speaking outta turn for Tohr but something told me some nights were harder for the male when he wasn’t rocking the family vibe. Tohr: With the bottle of beer against my lips the cold drink had barely touched my lips when the gentleness of Rhage’s voice made me stop and take notice. He sounded sad maybe, lonely as I felt and scared maybe to be judged for it; or maybe that was the voice in my head trying to mirror my feelings onto him. “Yeah, it is really nice, so you don’t have to thank me, I appreciate the company too. We’re brothers… family right?” I smiled, not wanting Rhage to feel weird for sharing. “I’ve been stealing cuddles from Qhuinn’s and Layla’s babies to get my fair share of family time in. I don’t think they mind too much though… or I hope. And it was a pretty decent one way conversation too if burps and farts don’t count as communication.” I offered with another smile and a wink. I used the opportunity to study Rhage with his guard down. It wasn’t something you saw often, he always had that teasing and wild sexy smile on his face, quick to make a joke and even quicker to be a fierce Brother in battle. But what most didn’t know was that he had a vulnerable side too, one that none of us got to see very often. Like this he was different, his hollywood stunning features became… for the lack of a better word more beautiful as he relaxed. His eyes, they could make you feel like you were drowning, and his mouth, those lips… I couldn’t help to wonder if they were as soft as they looked or that wild mop of hair of his. I wanted to run my fingers through it while tracing my fingers over his lips… Something on the TV boomed and my eyes snapped to the movie screen. What the hell was the matter with me? When the hell did I care about Rhage’s looks or anything about him? I sighed, taking a long long drink of my beer, even I realized it was time for me to get out and get laid. If I was fantasising about Rhage it had been too long. I glanced at him again to make sure he hadn’t noticed me staring. “I just never got around to it. Wellsie was never much for action movies.” I offered with a chuckle and I had obliged because I had been more interested in watching her than the movie anyway, just like I’d done Rhage just now. So odd and quite frankly weird, I thought as I forced myself to keep my eyes on the screen and nowhere else. Rhage: The idea of Tohr stealing time with the twins brought a smile to my face I couldn’t shake, even as I looked back to the screen and John McClane. That he felt the same as I did was a relief tinged with hope; maybe this wouldn’t be a one off night. Maybe we could make a regular thing out of it. Time for the two of us to hang out that wasn’t family time or the Brothers drinking and playing pool. In truth, having Tohr here felt like finally having an ally. Someone who understood what it was to have had the world and then to lose it, one way or the other. We were outcasts in a mansion full of families that exuded happiness and contentment. We were anything but content. Sipping from the bottle, I blinked out of the reverie to feel the male’s gaze on me still. Rather than glance over I stayed front facing, downing the rest of the beer. I wondered what he saw. I knew what most people saw. Fuck, I did it on purpose. Presented the facade of happy-go-lucky hottie who wanted to drink and fuck like it was all I was good for. It was easier that way. Easier to deal with my demons than risk having to share and explain them all over again. There were some things that hurt to say, and the more you had to say it, the more you felt like you were spitting razorblades and not wanting to speak ever again. Tohr understood pain. Understood demons and not wanting to talk about them. Chances were he saw through my bullshit. That thought? Relieving and terrifying. But the longer he watched me, the more I had to consider he was seeing shit even I didn’t know about. “Alan Rickman is honestly the best villain,” I heard myself say as the male finally looked away. “There’s like… a short list of humans I’d happily adopt n’ he was one of them. Fuckin’ tragedy he’s gone already.” Tohr: I nodded at Rhages words, Alan Rickman was fantastic, I had to agree even if Wellsie hadn’t liked action movies, she loved dramas and costume movies and Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman had been one of her favorites. “Agreed. He is bloody fantastic if you ask me. He was an actor with many layers. Have you ever seen him in Sense and Sensibility?” I would be surprised if Rhage said yes but hell I knew he was more than a pretty face, for real, if you took the time to see Rhage to really listen to him he was a man with a huge heart and family man. Ever since he and Mary had Bitty he proved that over and over. I don’t think any of us realized what an amazing father he would be until he actually became one. His family was important to him which made his and Mary’s separation even harder to see because we all knew it wasn’t until there was no other way out that they went down that route. “So, how are things? How’s Bitty and … you know things with Mary?” I took another sip of my beer grabbing a few popcorn and plopping them into my mouth. “I mean I don’t mean to be nosy, just checking and if you need me to mind my own business you can just tell me to fuck off. I… just…” I rubbed some salt off my lower lip sucking at my thumb before continuing “I understand that it must be really hard on the both of you still living under the same roof being friends still but not together… I mean…” Just shut up Thor, stop digging that damn hole, if it gets any deeper you’re screwed. “I’m sorry. I just meant to ask how you were, man.” I chuckle a bit embarrassed trying to joke it off. “You know me, I’m lightweight when it comes to booze.” Rhage’s lips curved into a genuine smile, a soft chuckle rumbling through his chest causing me to shift from the sudden rush that went through me. I could feel the heat in my face, I don’t know when I blushed last if I ever had blushed at this moment with Rhage looking at me with that glint of humor in his eyes I couldn’t for the life of me remember. Those eyes were hypnotic and I couldn’t remember if I ever remember being so aware of them as I was in that moment or why I suddenly was. Rhage: My reply was on the tip of my tongue; that no, I hadn’t seen Sense and Sensibility but if it had Alan Rickman I was down for watching it. But then came the other question and I felt a disarming moment of confusion. My mind latched on to the words, to the query of Bitty and Mary and for a few seconds I felt the gut wrenching twist of nausea, an all too familiar sensation. Then I caught the twist of Tohr’s thumb, the swipe of it across his lip then the flick of his tongue as he sucked away the salty residue. The nausea shifted, fading to be replaced by… I didn’t know. But it was warm. And pleasant. And suddenly I didn’t feel so bad about talking of Bitty and Mary. “Y’know you’re cute when you ramble?” I chuckle, shaking my head and sipping at my beer, looking back to the screen. “N’ honestly… talking about Mary n’ Bitty sometimes makes me crazy. Sick. A nervous wreck. I’ve never felt so shitty about loving someone before. I mean, love is supposed to be that amazing feeling that lifts you up, right? Then why does it feel so terrible every time I think of them. I love them and I hate myself for doing this to them.” I stopped at the confession, at the feeling of relief washing over me at having said it aloud to someone. Leaving Mary, while still raising a child with her, was one of the most nerve wracking, anxiety generating, self loathing inspiring things I’d ever done. And I had no idea how to make it better, only how to endure it in the hopes it might get better. “Huh. I… I can’t believe I just said that.” Looking at the beer bottle, I threw the rest of it back in a hurry then set it down hard. Sitting up, I looked for something a little stronger. Like whiskey. Or vodka. “M’ not really the over emotional sort, y’know?” I chanced a glance at Tohr, feeling a battle of said emotion as I remembered this male had been denied a family and here I was, rejecting one. “M’... sorry. I just… I didn’t know what else to do. Was… was I supposed to go on, not feeling it? Being unhappy? How… how do you raise a kid like that?” Tohr: At first I was stunned into silence that Rhage actually replied to my question, answering the question instead of joking it off. We were all close, the Brother’s and as much as we shared with each other, we seldom to never took the time to let someone see the hurt or the pain that wasn’t caused by a blade. I was no exception but if you’d asked me before this moment who would have been more likely to spill the beans between me and Rhage I’d said me. I kept looking at him as he spoke, his eyes glued to the TV, until they finally flickered to mine as his words trailed off. “I...have you ever thought about maybe you made the wrong choice? I mean leaving Mary. Not that I’m questioning your decision but are you sure, maybe you just needed to talk shit out with someone you know? Or not…” I never said I was good at this I was just trying to help a brother out. I hated seeing that emotion of defeat and guilt in Rhage’s eyes. It made me want to pull him into a hug and give him comfort. “I think you are doing really great with Bitty. She loves you and adores the ground you walk on. You don’t need to be perfect, she loves you conditionless… full stop.” An explosion on the TV got my focus back on the movie and I sipped my beer “And fuck you, I'm not cute. I'm a sex god.” I said giving him a sideway glance and grinned. Rhage: Had I made the wrong choice? It was my greatest fear these days. Not Lessers or dying or losing one of my Brothers… but the fact I might’ve made the wrong call. Put Mary, Bitty, through all this grief because I was stupid and clueless about my own feelings. And talk with someone? Like who? Wrath, mated to the shellan of his dreams with his own child? My Brothers, each with their own special version of fucked up or happily ever after? Or the manse councillor, my fucking ex herself? I could just imagine that. ‘Hey, Mary, I hope you can be really impartial here ‘cause I need to talk to someone about my fears that I may have made a huge mistake. Nothing personal.’ Yeah. Right. I didn’t know how to put ANY of that other shit into words either and I wasn’t sure I wanted to try. “I’m talking to you,” I said instead, quietly, taking some comfort in the fact Tohr believed Bitty still loved me despite all this. And at his retort, I actually managed a laugh, glancing over at the male and giving him the up and down. I could admit, quite easily in fact, that Tohr was good looking. Hot, even. Thoughts that rarely crossed my mind where the Brothers were concerned. “I dunno about sex God, pal. We might need to take a poll of the manse and the general female population of Caldwell to confirm that status before I just give it to you,” I tease, glad to be segwaying from the emotional clusterfuck that was my love life and into easy banter. Tohr: Rhage was quite for a long time, it was easy to see by the distant look in his eyes, that he was deep in thought. I used that moment to study him taking of those Brother glasses I always had on when observing any of them, the males that were my family. Leaning my head back I allowed myself to just see him as he was. Rhage was like so many of us Brothers; tall and intimidating, hard wall of muscles. He had this blond mop of hair, on anyone else it would look ragged but on him it fit somehow, and with those deep blue eyes and high cheekbones he was the one of us that carried true physical beauty, breathlessly so. In this moment it felt so strange to look at him through the same eyes I used to look at my Shellan but at the same time I couldn't deny the rush it cause inside of me. My pulse speeding up from observing the details of his face, or the way the sleeves of his shirt sat snugg over bulging muscle or the the caring soft emotions buried in the pit of his eyes. I wonder if any of us ever really took the time to see what lay beyond the surface and look deeper. I knew I had missed looking beyond Rhage’s stunning good looks and fierce warrior that he was. But right now in this instant I saw him in another light it was almost like seeing the real him for the first time. But why it was happening right now was the million dollar question? Last time I felt the same flutter was with Wellsie but the reason why was obvious with her, with Rhage not so much. “You know you can talk to me any time. I always have time to listen to anything you want to share with me.” I consider my next choice of words since I wanted Rhage to feel like he could reach out to me and feel like I was here for him. “I might not be the best male to give advice with matter of the heart… but know that I’m here for you.” I raised my hand to touch him but hesitated for a second before finally placing my hand on his shoulder giving it a light squeeze. “And as for that other stuff, I'm a sex god and I'm sticking to that story. Well second to you anyway.” I say with a wink my hand sliding off his shoulder and would you know it, I miss the strength of it the second it is gone. “What do you say to sharing some wings and maybe a pie? I'm suddenly starving.” I sit up reaching for my phone to send Fritz a text for the order as I turned to look at Rhage with a smile and get his ok. Rhage: Tohr’s words sent a rush of warmth through me that chased away the chill and the misery of living too much in my own head and bullshit. I was more glad for his company than I’d even realised possible, in that moment, and as his hand squeezed my shoulder then let go, I felt the tingle of his touch long after it was removed. As the male segwayed into food, like pie, I looked over at him and let out a heavy breath, relieved. Sex God? You know what… I could see it. Tohr was attractive, and kind, and strong. I could imagine that firm grip on my shoulder being so much more to others, and it made that warmth turn to heat, heading south. Blinking, I focused back on the television and cleared my throat. “Fuck, yeah, let’s get some food in here. Definitely pie. Lots of pie. And more liquor. I’m gonna need some of that,” I add, flashing a grin and shifting on the seat to kick it back further. And that, mercifully, was how the rest of the night went. Pie, drinks and good company. Die Hard, then Die Hard 2 and Die Hard: With a Vengeance. The heat went away, and what a mind fuck, I was both happy and sad about that. Shit, I’d figure that out later. For now, it was just nice to enjoy the male’s company. To spend one night where I wasn’t hating myself or being in this manse. Thank you, Tohrment. #BondedBrothers #ThoseWhoCantDoTeach #Flashback

[moisesroper78-blog]

✅ Health & Exercise Short Article Category.

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[bellabdbrw]

Secrets

Bella: *I worried my bottom lip almost to shreds as I stood in front of the door. A second opinion, that’s what I needed. I mean, I had my reasons, they were all very sound and valid. It wasn’t like I was trying to hurt anybody. Quite the opposite. I was trying to protect them from being hurt. Them… The big ‘them’. Cut the shit, Bella. You are just trying to keep that beautiful male of yours from flying off the handle. Sometimes it was hard to tell what would drag him over the edge. Which brought me to the door that I was standing before. Mary would know what to do. Or at the very least, she would have some advice. I finally raised my hand and knocked on the door.*

Mary: *Lost in the memories of Rhage’s special wake up call when he returned from rotation this morning, goosebumps rising on my arms as I can still feel his lips against my skin. So lost in the my thoughts I almost didn’t hear the knock on my door.  I glance at my watch as I wasn’t expecting anyone for another hour, I walk over, opening the door to find a Bella*  Hello, Bella.  Come in.  *stepping to the side* Bella, is there something wrong?  You seem upset.  

Bella: *I dragged my eyes from the floor to meet Mary's, throwing in a smile because nothing was wrong. Right? I mean not really.* Hey there Mary. *I ducked past her when she moved aside.* So... I was wondering if I could bend your ear a bit. *I went to sit down but then jumped right back up and started pacing.* I guess I'll just start at the beginning... I was thinking about Nalla and all of the things that led up to us having her. *I gestured with my hands as if that would help my thought process.* And there were a lot of secrets behind what got us to the point. I was also thinking about my own Mahmen and how she's no longer with us to share her stories and struggles. That kind of tumbled into the whole, 'Well what if something happened to us?' thing. With Zsadist being a warrior and all... Who knows what will happen? *I held up my hands as if to put a stop to everything.* But not in an emo way. I mean, I'm not wishing any harm or anything... I'm just thinking that it would be great if our daughter had somewhere to go where she could know all of the things that we don't always talk about. *I finally did sit down with a long exhale, staring into my hands.* So I started writing our history. Not just mine and his but also my family and his. Rehvenge, mahmen, Phury, my father. All of it. I mean, I have a lot of time on my hands and so I decided that if I was going to do it then I would do it right and I started digging into things. *I looked up at Mary, begging for her approval.* These aren't exactly things that Zsadist would want put to paper. He barely talks about it as is. I'm worried that he will be upset when he finds out.

Mary:   *watching her behavior as she goes through the reasons and ideas, once she finally takes a seat and a breath, I walk over to her and sit beside her, my hand gently rests on her arm*  Alright Bella, let’s back up for a moment.  First, take a deep breath and slowly let it out. Ok, (Smiling at her) so I’m clear, you wanted to make sure Nalla has a record so to speak of her family history so if, Scribe forbid, anything ever happened to you or Z, she would have the memories the two of you would have shared with her,  but in written form? That doesn’t sound like a terrible plan at all. If I was so lucky to have a child, I would want to do that for him or her too. (Sighing)  But, i’m guessing all the digging you’ve done has uncovered some things in the past, particularly Z’s past, that are not pleasant memories.  Memories Z will not want remembered?  Do you think you should’ve spoken with Z about this before you started digging?

Bella: *I immediately jump up out of chair and started pacing around the room again. Even though I was being told to take a breath and calm down, I just couldn't. I was worried for many reasons. It wasn't that I thought my hellren would do anything drastic. Not really. At the core of that male was a deep and unending capacity for love. I was probably one of the only people that ever actually saw it and understood it for what it was.* It's not like that. Not really. Look... *huffing* I think I said all wrong. *Swiping the air with my hand as if to clear the air and start fresh.* Okay, so you know how close mouthed Zsadist is. Getting him to talk about any of his past is like trying to tear down the mansions walls with your bare hands. There are things that I know he will probably never tell his daughter. And I understand him not wanting her to know that stuff. He would think that it would make him look different in her eyes. And obviously she is still far too young for such truths. Some things are maybe better left unsaid... *My eyes dropped to the floor. Once again I sat down, this time sagging into the chair.* She shouldn't learn of her family's past from others. *I peeked up from under long lashes.* Anything that I've uncovered in my search has nothing to do with my Hellren. He has shared it all with me. Though it took much out of him to do so. Which is why I fear telling him what I have been writing. It was easier when I thought that nothing would come to light until we had passed. But now... *I took a deep breath and straightened up.* There is something that I found about my own family which I wish to investigate. And I'm not so stupid as to go off looking for it without my hellren at my side to protect me. *My eyes glossed over for a moment as I found myself back in hole in the ground. I blinked hard to bring myself back to reality. I'd fought too hard for what I had to ever put myself in that situation again.* If I tell him part of the truth then I have to tell him all of it. I already plan to do it. I'm just worried about how he will react to me putting his past on paper. *whispering* I don't want to hurt him.

Mary: *trying to focus my words before speaking knowing very little of what she is referring to but, obviously by her body language, there is something that haunts her past* Bella, no matter how he reacts, you know you have to tell him what you have discovered.  Not telling him will just create more problems than opening up.  *smiling at her as I lean back* We all have demons in our past that we would rather stay in the past.  But that isn't how it works.  Rhage does not always react well to things I share with him.  He is a typical male.  Z will react, then he will think about his behavior, calm down and then you two can talk it out. *guessing my thoughts really aren’t helping*  Bella, do you want me to be there with you or even talk with Z for you? *leaning back up reaching for her hand* Z and I have a good repore, maybe I can help?

Bella: We have known each other a long time, Mary. Back before either of us met our mates. We were neighbors and friends. I've heard stories about how Zsadist was when I was... *stops to clear my throat, not wanting to pull up that memory* ... when he couldn't find me. I have no wish to revisit any of that ... evil. Which is why I need him at my side for this. I just want him to help me, to want the answers that I do. I'm afraid that he might focus on the fact that I'm even writing in the first place and completely miss the unanswered questions that I have. *Huffs and stares up at the ceiling, trying to order my thoughts.* I probably sound a little silly right now. I mean, who worries so much about these things? Right? *I shrugged, snagging a piece of my hair and twirling it around my fingers absently.* If you think that saying something to him will help... I was always planning on telling him when the time was right. I just didn't think that it would come so soon. More like WAY in the future when our little girl wasn't so little anymore and could actually understand things. Then I would throw it all down like a big reveal say, "Look, you don't have to struggle for the right words because I wrote it all out." I don't know. Maybe it was stupid in the first place...

Mary:

Bella, I will always be your friend.  No matter how long we are on this earth.  You are probably my dearest friend in the world.   None of this is stupid.  You have every right to be concerned about Z’s reaction. *forcing a smile* Z is a force like no other.  But, Bella, you make him a better male. He is much different now.  Stop and and think about it. He has so much more in his life now.  He has all of his family.  He has you, Bella. And your beautiful daughter. You and she are the light in his world. *gently resting my hand on her arm for support*  We don’t always get to do things when we “want” to but when we “need” to.    Go, tell him, Bella.  Before he stumbles upon your writings on his own.  That would make things much worse. He will know something is eating away at you and speculation will lead to trouble.   Just tell me what you want to me to do help.  

Bella: *I sat there for a long time, considering all that had been said. I already knew before coming in here that I would have to talk to my Hellren. I guess what I really needed to hear was that it would be alright. Mary was right about the changes that Zsadist had gone through. He was a different male now. Seeing him with our young proved that much to me. Every once and awhile I would see aspects of what he once was. That would never leave him. It was a part of him now. But he had us. And we were never leaving him. After a long moment I finally nodded, patting Mary's hand that was resting on my arm.* You're right. It won't do any good to put this off longer and I just need to bite the bullet. *I stood up, back straight, head high.* Wish me luck. I'll let you know if I need to call the cavalry in. *I laughed nervously and left the office. I needed to find Zsadist before I changed my mind and chickened out. The last thing that I needed was for him to find what I'd written before I had a chance to tell him about it.* Thank you Mary, you're the best.

#BDBRW 

[madness-rains]

Beast vs. Caldwell

Vishous: *It was my night off of rotation and I was damn sure going to make good use of it. I was on the phone, making arrangements, before the shutters were even up. Everything was in place for a night of release that was sorely needed. Some things were just necessary. I dematted directly to the balcony of my Penthouse, a location that I was becoming increasingly familiar with. The glass door slid open with only a thought. Dozens of candles flared to life as I made my way directly to well stocked supply of goose. I poured myself a drink and sat down to wait for my prey to come to me. It didn't take long. She knew what I liked, knew that I didn't like to be kept waiting. I told her exactly what I wanted, which hood to wear, how many clothes to take off, and where to stand. I finished my drink and poured another as I watched her. The need was strong. This would be a long night.*

*Long strips of red welts decorated her back in a beautiful display. My own personal canvas. I wasn't anywhere near done, I was only getting started. I hadn't even broken a sweat yet. She could take a lot. I'd made sure of that when I called this particular one. Across the room the phone in my leather jacket let me know that this session was going to be far too short. I growled out a curse and went to answer the call. The ID told me that it was from Phury, which meant that something happened on patrol tonight. This could be good. Fighting was just another way to exorcise my demons. I hit the button to pick up the call.* Yes? *My tone was carefully flat, devoid of any emotion. Phury launched into a concise version of what was going down. The noise in the background gave away the fact that Rhage's Beast was lose. I heard the word Bastards and knew that this was a show that I didn't want to miss.* On my way. *I hung up the phone and slung the leather over my shoulders. Looking over at the female dangling on the wall, I half considered making her wait like that for my return. Something told me that I would be longer than that. I removed her binds and sent Fritz the standard text to take her home. The doggen would take care of her. I stepped out on the balcony and dematted directly to the location that Phury told me of. It was like dropping off in the middle of a war zone. The dragon was full on pissed. The first order of business was easy, and came almost as an instinct now, I laid down the mhis thick and large. There was no sense in the humans catching wind of this mess. My phone chimed to tell me that I had a text message. It was from Fritz. He was worried about Mary because she hadn't returned home.* Shiiiiitttt!!! *I cursed loud enough for Phury to hear me over the chaos. He ran over and gave me a questioning look. I leaned in close, hoping that Rhage wouldn't hear me.* Mary is missing…

Rhage:

{I was full on Dragon mode, and although a part of me was always there, he had taken over complete control. He cleared that alley like a hungry kid at a bar mitzvah buffet. Biting down each lesser and swallowing them whole. Bright flashes lit up the walls of the alleyway. I could see Phury scrambling to catch his balance and high tail it out. The taste of those nasty fuckers settle in the back of my throat and let me tell you, they taste like shit. The black oily substance laid low in the pit of the Dragons belly, which also meant it was in mine. I could feel the presence of Vishous and knew he would keep the situation under control as much as he could. I had great hearing, but let me tell you about the beast who had cursed me so long ago, his hearing was far more superior than mine and when V spoke the words “Mary is missing” well, there was no coming back from the state I was in. The beast would now take matters in his own way, he was partial to my Mary, and it would be death to whoever took her.}

Vishous: *Phury's eyes were as big as mine as we looked up at the chaos that three little words had caused. I cursed myself for being ten kinds of an idiot. Of course the Beast heard me. And now we were about to be host to our own little Godzilla movie. I grabbed Phury and swung him out of the way of the rampaging dragon.* Get a car! *I yelled over the noise.* Follow after us. I have to keep this contained. *How the hell I was going to do that, I had no idea. This would be testing my mhis like nothing else. We were already on the move and there wasn't a damn thing that I could do about the damage that was left behind. The Beast didn't give a shit if something was in it's way. He would run over, tear it down, smash it to bits. Everyone thought that a bonded male was bad news but they had never met Rhage's other half. He would leave the city in ruins all to find Mary. I threw the mhis out far in front of us to cover as much ground as I possibly could. It was late at night. There weren't a lot of people out and about. It was the one saving grace. I couldn't even stop to worry about how many innocents were going to end up in the hospital. The only thing that hit my radar was keeping the image of a dragon off of the airwaves. Racing along behind a huge dragon was actually easier than I thought it would be. Was he fast? Oh hell yeah. But he also had a lot in way that slowed him down. Damage control. My mind was jogging through all of my options. This would have to be fast and dirty. I pulled out my phone and went to work. The division of attention would likely cost me but I needed to get an earthquake called in ASAP. It had to come from the right sources or no one would believe it. Good thing I was a frickin genius.*

Barney:

{I continued fighting to regain control, but to no avail, the beast had won. His senses were heightened. His eyes, keen, hearing, well, he would hear a flea bite a dog, his smell. That is what he would use to find who had Mary. I felt the street crumbling under his massive claw like feet. The heat was building and I knew the fire was going to blow soon. He would burn this motherfucker down before the night was over with. In the depths of his mind, I could hear the crashing of cold hard steel being bent and mutilated. He was headed to the place Mary worked. The Beast would sniff out the poor asshole who had her and this would be the last night he took breath into his lungs.}

Vishous: *Was an earthquake really going to explain everything that the Beast was ripping through? I didn't know but it was the best I could come up with on short notice. I was so busy making the needle bounce on the appropriate seismic machines that I didn't see Barney take a sharp left. I skidded to a halt when I realized I wasn't following the path of destruction anymore. With a curse I tucked my phone away and brought all my attention to the scene in front of me. He'd managed to move beyond my mhis if the screaming was any indicator. He was a bloodhound on a mission. There was no one better equipped to find Mary, that was the sad truth of it. That was his mate, the Beast as well as the male beneath there. I moved the mhis to cover the new area of effect which created a few very confused humans to wonder what in the hell was going on. They at least had the sense to get the hell out of the way. Whatever it was, wasn't good. I spied one amateur photographer who was about to have a very nasty fall. I ran into him full force with my shoulder down. Didn't even see me coming. Sure as hell didn't see me grind my shitkicker into his fallen phone. Oops, my bad. I didn't even pause for so much as a 'sorry'. The Beast was already past the place that Mary volunteered at. He paused for maybe a heartbeat to sniff at what looked like a purse on the ground and then he was off again. Someone had picked the wrong female to snatch up, that much was for damn sure. I snagged the purse and kept running behind the force of nature that I was following.*

T-REX:

{The scent of the dumbass who had my Mary was so strong through the beast. I felt the anger building and knew that the male human had no chance of coming out of this alive. I felt a burst of heat power out in front and knew that he was spitting fire. The ground began to quake beneath us. Right then I knew he had found his quest. Explosions happened, and I feared that the anger that I was cursed with one day would go out of control and hurt the ones I cared about, although I didn’t worry about Mary. Mary calmed the beast, his love and desire for her were like no other I had ever felt. As a bonded male it made me jealous. I could hear screams in the background. I was frustrated that I couldn’t gain enough control to overcome my curse and hold Mary close to my chest. I had to rely on my alter to bring her into safety….. I was watching the outcome through some filtered movie screen. My senses were heightened, and I could sniff out where the asshole was held up. He had his hands on my Mary, and the beast lost it. He plucked him out like a delicate flower not hurting her and flung him against the wall. Out of pure and enraged anger fire consumed the room and the now kidnapper was engulfed in flames. Blood-curdling screams were filling the room. The last I remember, the heavenly smell of my Mary calmed me into a deep sleep and with most certainty that he had rescued her out of the inferno without a single hair harmed.}

Vishous: *The scene before me was nothing that I could have anticipated. The whole bonded male thing was not something to be messed with but nothing topped a fully bonded dragon. I had a split second to take in the scene before all hell broke loose. Some idiot decided that it was great idea to kidnap Mary. She was tied to a chair in the corner of the large room. Her head was slumped forward, it was obvious that she'd been roughed up. The extent was hard to see from here but the dumbass responsible was still right there. Of course I was trying to see her across a battlefield as well. If it could be called that. More like a slaughter. The guy had exactly two seconds to regret his decisions. Blood drained from his face and could see Mary laughing. Her mouth moved and I strained to hear what she was saying. Something like, "I told you my husband would come for me." He was dead the moment he even thought to touch that female. The Beast wanted him to suffer in the most brutal of ways. He was torn limb from limb, screaming the entire time, literally washing the place in the blood of the kidnapper. Thank goodness Mary was made of strong stuff because most any other females would be losing it right now too. When the screams finally died down Mary was able to quiet the Beast. Even tied up, she still managed to bring him back down to earth. It wasn't something that any of us would have been able to do. I didn't even think of approaching the female until the Beast had left the building and we were left with a very tired and groggy Rhage. I went right back into damage control mode. The mhis still held strong but now I was dealing with a dead body. There was one sure way of wiping that slate clean. I got Mary untied just before Phury arrived on the scene with the Escalade. Together we bundled up Warrior and Female and he left with them, leaving me to deal with the aftermath. I looked around the gory interior and casually plucked the fingers of my glove free. I tucked the black leather into my back pocket and knelt to the ground. My blazing hand touched the floor in front of me and that was all that it took. In a few minutes nothing was left but a field of glass.*

#BDB-MR

[bittymintchocolatechip-blog]

New Family, New Home

This is the day that I had wait for. To come home to my new and wonderful family. After Mary, my mom and  my dad, Rhage asked me to come and stay with them. No words could express how excited that I was. To have a home that I didn’t have to live in fear, it was something that I never knew in my whole life. It was scary for me, yes. Because I didn’t know what it would be like to have that. To have a mom and dad that didn’t fight. A dad that didn’t hit me or my mom. I never knew that something like was real. Mom and dad had opened that world up to me. Now I had this whole family around me. That loved me and would protect me at all costs. I would be forever thankful for the life that I’m gifted.

 A life that I never thought that I would have. For so long I thought that I wouldn’t make it 18 years old. The life that I had lived before my mom and dad brought me into their lives. It was filled with fear, fear that I would be hurt worse then I was the day before. But I would take that for her, the woman that brought me into this world. And tried to give me a good life. Even though that was never possible for her. I was graced with two loving people. That treated in better in some many ways. That showed me it was not love to to hit, it was not love to live in fear for your life. They opened a new world for me. Even when I have my bad moments, where it gets to be to be to much for me. They are there for me. To help me through that moment. They are the answer to my prayers long ago forgotten.

 Now I have a home, that is filled with love. There is laughter and smiling faces. Ones that I have come know. At first it was hard for me. Many times I stayed close to my mom or even my dad. Because it was to much for me. Everyone wanted to meet me and get know me. That is something that I wasn’t use to. Who wanted to know about me? I wasn’t anything special. At the moment I’m just a human girl. That lives with the scars of my past. That most never see, because I don’t want them to see. But I know that mom and dad see. I don’t want them or anyone in my new family to see that. They are my scars to carry. No one ever should see what I have seen or go through what I went through in my past. And it is my goal to rise above my past.

 The first time that I met the brothers, that were all my uncles. I will admit here and now. They kind of scared me. They were so huge, but what made them softer to me. Were their smiles, they welcomed me into their home and their lives. Little ol me, Bitty. Always thinking that I had been forgotten. That I would never be found. They changed that for me. They loved me like I was part of their family. A family that would lay down their lives for one another. They would fight for one another and never leave one another behind. They are a true family. One that I’m thankful for each and every day of my new life. I wasn’t just some human girl, no I’m the daughter of their brother. One that would protect just as much as my mom or dad would.

 Now I have my good friend, my sister Nalla. The same age as I am. At first I was a little taken aback by her. She is a young carefree teenager. A way that I always wanted to be. To not have a worry in the world. She made see that it's ok to be teenage not to be so serious. To actually be who I am. And that is a very freeing feeling, all be it a scary one for me. But I’m slowly learning to be a kid. I have time to be an adult later on. I’m going to take my time and be carefree.

 The one thing that was hard for me. Was when my eyes fell upon Little Wrath. The son of King Wrath and Queen Beth. It was hard to see him. It brought back memories of the little brother that would never know nothing of this life. My birth mother, having lost him before he was born. I was scared when she lost him. And even though I never got to meet him. I still miss him just as much as miss my mother. I would have loved to have a little brother to play with. But that was never meant to be. He meant just for the time that he was given by the Scribe. And that time was precious even if it was a short little life. That will forever be missed.

 I got to meet the mates of my uncles, they are all just a sweet and lovely as they look. They are strong women that stand beside their hellren’s. That treat them in the ways that they should be treated, with such great love and respect. Just like my dad treats my mom. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get used to that. I never in my short life seen anything like it. It’s wonderful to see. I hope to get to know them better. Still I kind of shy away from people that I really don’t know. I’m learning to trust the others in the house. But it’s all a learning process for me. One I hope that will be easy for  all of us. I know that I’ll have my moments but as long as I have mom, dad and new family I know that I’ll be alright.

 One thing that really threw me was the doggen. Fritz, treated me in ways I never knew. For a older man he is very sweet. He let’s me picks flowers for my mom. Which I gave her on mother’s day. Seeing the smile on her face made my heart soar. He let’s me watch him cook. Which that makes me feel special. And I have to say he is one wonderful cook. The smells always make my tummy rumble. Which makes me giggle. He is always happy to feed me when I’m hungry. I can’t wait to learn more from him. I kind of followed him around a few days. Just to see what his job was like. He is a very busy man. I lost him a few times, but wherever there was something that needed to be done. That is where you would find him.

 Lass made me feel so very welcome in the home. And what can I say, he is one awesome angel. He maybe loud and out there, and love to give the brothers hell. He can always bring a smile to my face and make me laugh. When it seems that nothing else would work. Just like when my dad taught me how to drive his GTO. He let’s me sit with him and watch tv. Which is beyond fun for me. The way that he reacts is the best to watch. He pop’s up and my day is better for it. Even when he might be running from the brother’s for doing one thing or another.

 The men and women that train to become part of the brotherhood. I don’t know much about them. But from just seeing them. Some of them are very good looking. Not that I would ever tell that to anyone. Dad, I know wouldn’t like it. I don’t even think my uncle’s would like it either. That little nugget of info will only be shared with my sister, Nalla. And maybe one day my mom.

 The first night in my new home was very different for me. I was scared, when the metal shutter’s came down. Having been used to sleeping in a dark basement. At first it felt like a prison to me. That at any moment my father, the bastard. Would bust through the door, her my mother’s screams would fill the house. I laid awake for the longest time. My heart beating out of my chest with fear.As time went on, I saw that there was nothing to fear here. There was nothing that would come to hurt me. Not with my dad and uncles in the house. Now I can sleep through the night in knowing I’m safe and very much loved. Nothing will ever talk me away from this loveing and big family. That I have learned to love as my own. Because in the end they are my family. They were meant to be my family. The day that I took my first breath. This was the ending for my life. To end in the arms of a family that was made for me. That was made out of honor, love and respect. Long ago made by a hand of men.

 I don’t know what my future holds . But the one thing that I do know. Is that it will be filled with love. Love that will forever grow and become a strong and unbreakable bond. That will span the test of time.

 And as I once more close my door on the sounds of my home. After wishing my parents a good night. The laughter that fills every part of the home. The voices of all my family teasing each other. The sounds that once scared me, now bring a smile to my face. As I lift up my pray in thanks for the family that is now mine. I know that my future is a bright as I am. Because I have my family behind me. And that is what was always the path my life was and is to take.

#NewFamilyNewHome BDBRW ForeverLove

[fic-dreamin]

3.0 out of 5 stars 2.5 - 2.75 stars. I'm clearly in the minority with this one

5.0 out of 5 stars 4.5 stars-intense, intoxicating and uplifting NOTE: review may contain spoilers4.5 stars--THE BEAST is the fourteenth installment in J.R.Ward’s contemporary, adult BLACK DAGGER BROTHERHOOD paranormal series focusing on an elite group of vampire warriors and their King. THE BEAST is the continuing story of the sexy vampire Rhage, and his shellan Mary Luce. For fans of the series, we are all well aware of Rhage’s alter ego-his other-and in this Rhage’s other makes an appearance or two throughout the story.THE BEAST focuses on relationships and family-primarily Mary and Rhage’s- and their struggle as a couple together and apart. As the Black Dagger Brotherhood family continues to grow, Rhage will come full circle facing a future that is missing ‘something’ or ‘someone’ while Mary consoles with an orphaned child now under the care of the woman’s shelter known as ‘Safe Place’. Throughout the previous story lines Mary and Rhage have struggled with their relationship-growing further apart with each successive story.We are witness to a battle with the lessers, the slayers, and the re-appearance of the Omega. Rhage will discover that running into battle without the support of his brothers means the likelihood of facing your immortality-head on.As per JR Ward’s writing style, there are several ongoing and developing stories:LAYLA: The Chosen known as Layla is currently on bed rest while she carries Qhuinn’s son and daughter. But Layla suspects a prisoner has been brought into the BDB household when she discovers that the man with whom she is falling love is in danger of going into the fade. The resulting anxiety finds Layla facing a crisis of her own.ASSAIL: Our intrepid cocaine-addicted vampire is lost without the human woman that calls to his soul.Read more › Go to Amazon

2.0 out of 5 stars Predictable and Boring Story, Authoe Phoned It In I've read all her books, liked or loved most of them. Consider myself a fan. The problem is that the series and writing has become incredibly stale. In the latest, "Beast," the story is incredibly predictable, the reader can predict one-liners and who will say what in advance, there are no real surprises or twists. Additionally, the core relationship challenge/conflict (there's one central one for each novel) is forced and silly. It is never explicated WHY Rhage is so troubled at the outset that he's suicidal, he gets over it way too easily. Mary's "issue" with a child is contrived and over-dramatized (no actual pro with her experience and previous character development would really react that way). The Bitty character gets over her key issues far too quickly and spectacularly. Even the flipping Beast isn't behaving true to previous form! The story is just a sloppy mess. I fear the Dagger series has become as formulaic as a Harlequin. Even Ward's way of writing sex scenes has become boring. She uses the exact same lines over and over in every book--can't the author think of a different way to describe a deep kiss than saying (multiple times in the same novel) "he licked into her mouth"?? I found myself skipping over the sex scenes in "Beast" because they have become so darn yada-yada with the previous novels. New readers should start at the beginning of the various series and no doubt will enjoy them very much. Just don't expect the love affair with the novels to last. Time for this reader to take a trial separation. Go to Amazon

[rendezvouswitharomance]

Today’s Top Ten Tuesday, hosted by the Broke and the Bookish, is Top Ten 2016 Releases I Meant To Read But Didn’t Get To (But TOTALLY plan to).

Blood Vow (Black Dagger Legacy #2) by J.R. Ward

Synopsis: #1 New York Times bestselling author J. R. Ward returns as her thrilling, original spin-off series set in the world of the Black Dagger Brotherhood continues! When a brooding vampire warrior-in-training teams up with a quick-witted aristocrat to solve a deadly mystery, the only thing more dangerous than their mission is their undeniable attraction.

Trainees at the Black Dagger Brotherhood’s training center continue to prepare for the war against the Lessening Society, but fighting is the last thing on Axe’s mind. Still plagued with the guilt of his father’s death, the brooding loner finds himself battling an unlikely attraction to Peyton’s enticing, aristocratic cousin, Elise. Elise feels it, too – especially when the two are thrown together in unusual circumstances, and she must decide whether she can trust Axe as she uncovers the mystery surrounding her sister’s death.

Meanwhile, Mary and Rhage are fostering Bitty, a young pretrans orphan, and hope to adopt her… until the appearance of a young male claiming to be Bitty’s blooded uncle threatens to tear the new family apart.

     Defy the Dawn (Midnight Breed #14) by Lara Adrian

Synopsis: An immortal warrior must decide between loyalty to his people and desire for a beautiful Breed female determined to bring a powerful enemy to justice at any cost, in this new novel in the “steamy and intense” (Publishers Weekly) Midnight Breed vampire romance series from New York Times and #1 international bestselling author Lara Adrian.

     Archangel’s Heart (Guild Hunter # 9) by Nalini Singh

Synopsis: New York Times bestselling author Nalini Singh takes us into a dangerous and exhilarating world where a deadly, beautiful archangel and his once-mortal consort are caught in a fury of twisted darkness…

  “Raphael and Elena are the heart of this series…they are what keep me coming back for more.”—Fiction Vixen

One of the most vicious archangels in the world has disappeared. No one knows if Lijuan is dead or has chosen to Sleep the long sleep of an immortal. But with her lands falling into chaos under a rising tide of vampiric bloodlust, a mysterious and ancient order of angels known as the Luminata calls the entire Cadre together to discuss the fate of her territory.

Accompanying her archangelic lover Raphael to the Luminata compound, guild hunter-turned-angel Elena senses that all is not as it seems. Secrets echo from within the stone walls of the compound, and the deeper Elena goes, the uglier the darkness. But neither Raphael nor Elena is ready for the brutal truths hidden within—truths that will change everything Elena thinks she knows about who she is…

Nothing will ever be the same again.

     Dragonmark (Dark Hunter #27) by Sherrilyn Kenyon

Synopsis: Centuries ago, Illarion was betrayed– a dragon made human against his will, then forced to serve humanity as a dragonmount in their army, and to fight for them in barbaric wars, even while he hated everything about them. Enslaved and separated from everyone he knew and from his own dragon brothers, he was forced into exile in a fey realm where he lost the only thing he ever really loved.

Now he has a chance to regain what’s been lost— to have the one thing he covets most. But only if he gives up his brothers and forsakes the oaths he holds most dear. Yet what terrifies him most isn’t the cost his happiness might incur, it’s the fact that there is just enough human in his dragon’s heart that he might actually be willing to pay it and betray everything and everyone– to see the entire world burn…

       Guardian’s Mate (Shifters Unbound #9) by Jennifer Ashley

Synopsis: She wasn’t ready to lead…

Chosen as the Guardian of her Montana Shiftertown, wolf Shifter Rae Lyall is facing opposition—for no woman has ever been selected for this powerful position. Still adjusting to the new authority thrust upon her, Rae travels to train with Zander Moncrieff, a Shifter healer, tasked with teaching her about her new role and its responsibilities.

He wasn’t ready to love…   A polar bear Shifter, Zander wears no Collar and follows no rules but his own. Rae finds him arrogant and demanding, yet compelling and intriguing. Zander has no wish to mate but the sassy Guardian is drawing him out of his shell, stirring feelings long suppressed. And when a new threat looms over Rae’s home, she and Zander must race to the rescue, forced closer to danger…and to each other.

     White Tiger (Shifters Unbound #8) by Jennifer Ashley

Synopsis: “With her patented page-singeing sensuality” (Booklist), the New York Times bestselling author of Mate Bond returns to the primal and passionate world of her Shifters Unbound series as a woman is lured into the shadows of a dangerous manhunt…

Wanted and on the run…

For twenty years, Kendrick, a white tiger Shifter, has been the Guardian of un-Collared Shifters who spend their lives living in secret—and in fear of being shunted into Shiftertowns. When Kendrick’s group is discovered and forced to flee, Kendrick is more desperate than ever to protect them   His only salvation was in a beautiful stranger.

In a diner in the middle of nowhere, lonely waitress Addison Price has seen a lot of unusual drifters come and go, but none has ever captivated—and intimidated—her like the imposing fugitive who wields a broadsword with incredible skill. But when he risks all to protect her, Addison’s fear turns to empathy—and empathy to desire as she learns more about her savior. Soon she’s more than willing to help the crushingly sensual white tiger and his cubs in a passionate bid for freedom. Whatever the cost.

     Leopard’s Fury (Leopard People #9) by Christine Feehan

Synopsis: A ruthless criminal unleashes his most feral desires in the new Leopard novel from the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Wild Cat.

Passion melts the will of an ice-cold criminal when he meets the one woman who can tame the beast inside him.

Leopard’s Fury

With her own bakery in San Antonio, Evangeline Tregre made a new life far from the brutal lair of shifters she was born into. Though she is all too aware of her leopard-shifter blood, she never felt the sensation of a wild animal stirring inside her. Not until Alonzo Massi walked into her bakery. The powerful shifter is as irresistible as he is terrifying, but his icy demeanor tells her to keep her distance.

Alonzo knows better than to let himself get involved with someone like Evangeline. She doesn’t deserve the type of danger that follows him, or the threat of his Amur leopard. But even with his lean muscle and iron will, Alonzo isn’t strong enough to stay away from the one woman who can make him feel at peace. And when their secret lives draw a mortal threat, Alonzo unleashes the feral passion he keeps pent up inside himself.

     One The Prowl (Bad Things #2) by Cynthia Eden

Synopsis: Time to embrace your inner evil.

Rose Kinley never intended to be one of the most feared creatures to walk the earth. Once upon a time, she was a human—one who fell in love with a mysterious stranger. But when she got caught in a paranormal war, she lost her humanity and died…only to wake later as a vampire.

Now Rose has a choice. She can continue to try and be the good girl she once was or she can let her darkness out to play. Maybe it’s finally time for her to step into the dark.

He’s the reason she’s undead.

Panther shifter Julian Craig has a mission—protect Rose at all costs. It’s his fault that she lost her human life, and he literally made a deal with the devil so that she would have a second chance as a vampire. And as part of that deal, he’s supposed to keep his hands off Rose. An impossible task considering the dangerous lust he feels for her.

When Rose is targeted by a paranormal collector, Julian knows that he will have to let his own beast out if he is to protect the only woman who ever touched his battered soul. Rose may be afraid of the darkness she carries, but Julian is more than ready to show the world just what kind of a monster he truly is. Julian isn’t afraid of the dark…but the monsters that wait in the shadows? They will bow to him.

He’ll show her just how good it can feel…to be bad.

     The Darkest Torment (Lords of the Underworld # 12) by Gena Showalter

Synopsis: Can Beauty tame her Beast?

Driven to his death by the demon of Distrust, Baden spent centuries in purgatory. Now he’s back, but at what cost? Bound to the king of the underworld, an even darker force, he’s unable to withstand the touch of anotherand he’s quickly devolving into a heartless assassin with an uncontrollable temper. Things only get worse when a mission goes awry and he finds himself saddled with a bridejust not his own.

Famed dog trainer Katarina Joelle is forced to marry a monster to protect her loved ones. When she’s taken hostage by the ruthless, beautiful Baden immediately after the ceremony, she’s plunged into a war between two evilswith a protector more dangerous than the monsters he hunts. They are meant to be enemies, but neither can resist the passion burning between themand all too soon the biggest threat is to her heart.

But as Baden slips deeper into the abyss, she’ll have to teach him to loveor lose him forever.

     The Beast (Black Dagger Brotherhood #14) by J.R.Ward

Synopsis: Rhage and Mary return in the new novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood, a series “so popular, I don’t think there’s a reader today who hasn’t at least heard of [it]” (USA Today).

His name is Rhage—the deadliest fighter and the most voracious lover of all the Brotherhood, whose inner beast could never be tamed. But Rhage found his eternal love in Mary Luce, a woman who once bore a life-threatening curse, while dreaming of eternity with her vampire warrior and protector.

They’ve made it to hell and back. Now their story continues in a new novel sure to draw fans back into the “frighteningly addictive” (Publishers Weekly) world of the Black Dagger Brotherhood.

      Top Ten Tuesday (47) Today's Top Ten Tuesday, hosted by the Broke and the Bookish, is Top Ten 2016 Releases I Meant To Read But Didn't Get To (But TOTALLY plan to).

#Christine Feehan #Cynthia Eden #Gena Showalter #J.R. Ward #Jennifer Ashley #Lara Adrian #Nalini Singh #Sherrilyn Kenyon #Top Ten Tuesday

[everlonginbits]

When The Bow Breaks w/ @Mary_M_Luce

Bitty: After laying Baldassare to rest. I felt no need to do much of anything. I kept myself away from everyone, I didn’t want to see the sadness in their eyes. My own sadness was enough, I couldn’t carry everyone’s as well, I just couldn’t. Hugs had become even hard for me. To hug someone back, not that I didn’t love my family, I did. I just couldn’t show it anymore. I kept everything locked up, it was the easiest way for me. I didn’t want to feel anyways, why feel? There was no reason in my mind at the moment to want to feel. The worst part of all. I carried our young. I couldn’t even feel happy about it. I didn’t know how to right now. I don’t know if I will ever be able to ever feel again, and be my old self once again. 

I laid on our bed, staring into nothing. Baldassare’s shirt crushed to my chest. I could hear the sounds of the mansion. Life had went on, but not for me. No, life stopped the moment my love was ripped from me. Every night, I listen to the sounds of the meals going on, the voices of my uncles, dad, mom, my family. But I stayed away, no matter how much down deep I wanted to be with them right now. So, each night and day, I lay here, set the uneaten food outside my door or just leave it there. Not like I could hold it down anyways. I was to sick from the young. Which that was normal, from what I’ve heard. However, the hunger that is part of who I am, clawed at my insides. I wouldn’t feed from another male. None could make me feed from anyone. I didn’t care what they said to me. What could they do? 

Not hearing any sounds of the mansion, it was safe to be out. It was a big place, most likely I wouldn’t run into anyone. Not wanting to hear the question, ‘How are you doing, Bitty?’ I never could answer that question. Just looking at them and kept on walking. Pushing off of our bed, placing his shirt on his side of the bed. My hand stroked the fabric, placing my fingers on my lips placing a gentle kiss on them and then placing my fingers on his shirt. I slipped off the bed and out the door. 

Walking down the hallway, my arms wrapped around my middle. The only sounds were that of my bare feet padding against the floor. I just walked, I didn’t know where I was going. Taking turns, just wherever my feet lead me. I didn’t want to think right now. I came upon a room, after walking down the stairs. I stopped at one of the many sitting rooms. Who knew there could be so many rooms in one place. My soft eyes scanned the room, as I leaned on the frame to the room. A scene played out in mind, as I laid my head on frame. 

Baldassare holding me in his arms, as we danced slowly to the soft music that filled the room. I started to hum the tune. He held me so close to me. His large frame towered over me. He held me like I would break. But still just tight enough. Both of our eyes closed as we held onto each other. It was the night that he had a close call with a lessor. And we needed this time together, to make sure that the other was alright. I could still feel the tears wet my cheeks. Feel his strong arms around me, I could hear the music, smell him. It was like a two ghosts before me. Of a time that I would always hold close to my heart. 

Closing my eyes, I let the scene play out in my mind. It was one place I could find peace, at least for now anyways. @Mary_M_Luce

Mary: [I was growing more scared by the day when #Fritz would inform me that Bitty hasn’t been eating. She was pregnant and eating for two so I knew the first trimester could be difficult … also she wasn’t /feeding/ either. Which was going to be even a hard issue to deal with. She didn’t even know that I knew. I was hoping she would come to me to tell me her news.

Rhage and I were beside ourselves wondering what the best idea to approach her would be … we both understood loss. We have lost so many over the century and we all have felt overwhelmed. But a loss of a mate is something that neither of us have experienced and to be left alone with a child would be heartbreaking. 

We needed to take drastic measures as it was dangerous for our unborn grandchild if their mother wasn’t taking care of herself. Even with all the years of being a guidance counselor or being the Brotherhood’s psychiatrist after obtaining my doctorate degree could not prepare me for someone who was so close to my own heart. I couldn’t be objective … and I needed to be. Coddling her as I would because she was my daughter was not going to help the situation when all I wanted to do was hug her and keep her safe. This world that we live in … is not safe.

I took the path to her bedchamber and walked down the hall of statues … remembering all the times over the century as I slowly made my way to try to save my daughter as well as my unborn grandchild. @EverlonginBits

Bitty: I wanted the scene to play on and on. To be locked in that moment forever. I wouldn’t have to deal with the real world. The real world was far to much for me right now. Slowly my eyes opened to the empty room before me. Sighing I pushed off the door frame. To many memories laid around the mansion. Over the many years, so many memories have been made here. All did was scream at me. 

My arms still wrapped around my middle. I walked back up the stairs and made my way back down the hall to my bed chambers. Not that I would sleep, but I wouldn’t run into my family, if I hid out there. It had become my prison but also my safe harbor. 

Standing before my door, there on the floor was a tray with food. I looked at it. I felt bad because one of the doggen had brought it here, taken the time to cook something for me. But I couldn’t bring myself to eat it. I didn’t get hungry anymore. Even the anger and rage I felt, didn’t fuel me to eat or feed. I wish that the young that I carried pushed me to eat. It made me feel even worse that I couldn’t do it. I just him so damn much. 

Sighing softly to myself, I picked up the tray before me. The least that I could was take it back down to the kitchen. Even if it was a waste. Standing up, the tray held between my hands. I turned back down the hall. That is when I spotted my mother, the woman who long ago, took me into her life and chose to love me and raise me just as if I was her own young. I hadn’t seen her much. There was so much going on. I don’t remember if she was even there when we laid Balareass to rest.

Setting the tray down on the table not far from my bed chambers. My hollow eyes met her eyes. There was no emotion to my voice, dull and flat. “Mom …” To be honest I didn’t know what to say say to her. I stood and waited to see what she was going to do. @Mary_M_Luce

Mary: [As I approached her bedroom, she was just walking towards me with the latest tray of food in her hands. Putting the tray down, she called to me and my heart just broke for her. This was going to be a long road for her. Losing her mate. But I was hoping that once her child was born that it would give her something to focus on. I know it did for me when we found Bitty. She changed our lives forever … our little family of three soon to be four. I hope that I could help her through this. I knew I would be here but much of the healing can only be done through time.] @EverlonginBits

Bitty: I met her eyes, I hated to see the sadness there. There was nothing that could change what happened. In moments like these I wished I could find a way to escape it all. So, I didn’t have to see the looks in their eyes. She didn’t say anything. I had no idea as to why she would be coming to see me. I hadn’t seen her lot lately. However, I did keep to myself to avoid looks like I was getting now from my mom. 

I stood for a few moments, waiting for her to say something, anything. She looked as she might break down right where she stood. Somewhere deep inside, underneath all the anger, the pain. I felt bad for her. I wanted to hug her. However, I couldn’t bring myself to actually do it. Sure Wrath held me when I broke down in the hall. Lu, held me in the chair, while I laid awake in his arms. I just couldn’t reach out to her. 

Finding my voice once again. “Mom, why are you here?” I know I sounded cold and it may have seemed like I didn’t care. But that wasn’t the case. I just couldn’t bring myself to show more than I was showing at this moment. @Mary_M_Luce

Mary: [Her voice was low but strong. Cold even but I didn’t let it bother me.] I wanted to see if you wanted to get some food? I was thinking of baking some cakes for your dad. Want to join me?

[I asked hoping she’d agree and perhaps open up as she use to as a child. She had been so eager than to spend time with me. Now a days she been avoiding everyone.] @EverlonginBits

Bitty: Either someone had told her, I wasn’t eating or it was starting to show, that I wasn’t. I just wanted to crawl into my bed but I knew how my mom was. She would bring in dad. Sighing I looked to the tray of uneaten food. I had take it back to the kitchen anyways. This just meant that I was going have to wait longer. I wasn’t very happy, and I didn’t see any other way of getting out of this. 

Walking over and picking up the tray once more. “I’m not really hungry.” Turning I faced her. “But I’ll help with the cakes for dad.” There was no joy for me anymore in cooking for dad. I use to love to cook for him. I always loved to see the smile on his face. Now I was doing it just so I wouldn’t be bothered. On some level that bothered me. Walking past her, I made my way to the kitchen. I just hoped that she didn’t try to get me to eat. I wasn’t really wanting to deal with that right now. @Mary_M_Luce

Mary: [We walked down the hall and down the staircase, across the foyer into the Manse’s kitchen. I watched her take her uneaten food to the trash and dishes to the sink while I gathered all the ingredients to make Rhage a red velvet, snickerdoodle and an Oreo cake. His faves and mine.] Do you want to make your favorite too? [I asked nonchalantly as I pulled the flour and sugars from the cupboard. I hoped she would say yes as it would a good opportunity to eat /something/. I wouldn’t push.

I gathered the various bake tins and went to go preheat the ovens. I continued to go into the fridge to pull a carton of eggs, milk, butter, cream cheese and placed them on the counter next to her. I finally gathered all the mixing spoons and turned on the Kitchen Aid Stand mixer and quietly began.

I knew she probably didn’t want to talk and I respected that. I could only be here for her … however she needed. If she wanted to talk she knew she could. We were alone in the kitchen. The doggens allowed only the two us to cook because they knew we enjoyed it … even though it took a year or two before #Fritz finally gave up and let me have the kitchen every now and again. As long as we didn’t clean up after ourselves.] @EverlonginBits

Bitty: I set to task of putting the ingredients into bowels, wet in some dry in the other. Having them ready for mom, and pushing them closer so she could pour them when she needed to. It still amazed me to this day, how much my dad could eat. The first time I met my dad, him and mom had taken me out to dinner. He had so many plates around him. I didn’t know what I was going to get, and he helped me. Suggesting chicken strips with mac and cheese. Even with ordering that, I still ate some of his food. Trying it for the first time. I do miss the times we had together with everything that has gone on in the years, we couldn’t go out like we used to. 

Her question brought me from my thoughts on the past. “No, but thank you.” I hadn’t actually done  this with mom for quite some time. We use to bake for dad and Baldassare. They both loved when we would bake something. The words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Remember when dad and Baldassare had that eating contest with the cakes we made? They were both hell bent on beating each other. They both made themselves sick from it.” So much sadness laced my voice. But I didn’t bring attention to it. 

I went back to work of buttering the tins for the cakes. “Mom, why did you want to do this together? We haven’t done this in awhile.” I didn’t look at her, and if I knew my mom like I did. She would be trying to find a way to get me to eat or talk without actually saying it out loud. That was how mom was. Made you feel like you could tell her anything, and then you would open up like a flood. The reason I know? It happened to me, a little while after we met at #SafePlace. @Mary_M_Luce

Mary: Yea, I never made so many cakes before to be able for them to have a contest. What a waste. [I quietly chuckled at the fact they both ended up throwing it all up. I could hear the sadness in her voice.]

You’re right, we haven’t done this in a long time. Your dad and I haven’t been spending that much time together or with you since the whole finding out about Lyric and the rescue. It’s been months since we had any time together. I thought it would be nice to have some cake, that’s all. 

[I poured some chocolate chips in to the red velvet mix and some whole Oreos into the other as Bitty mixed my ingredients for me. I didn’t say anything else as I answered her question. Knowing she didn’t want to really talk, we continued as is while we finished up mixing and pouring the batters into the various tins she prepared.

I commanded Alexa to play from our family’s iTunes account and the music filled the silence quietly in the background as we put the tins in the ovens and started on the icings.] @EverlonginBits

Bitty: I nodded, I had missed spending time with them both. Me and dad, hadn’t had our movie nights in such a long time if felt like. Me and mom, we didn’t bake or just sit around and talk like we used to. My whole body tensed at when she mentioned the mission. My hands stilled with a spoon mid way through a turn. I knew that mom would be helping all she could with Lyric. Shaking my head, my hand shook a bit. 

I loved Lyric, she was after all Q’s child. But, I couldn’t help but have a little hate towards her. The reason that Baldassare was gone, was because they went and rescued her. Shaking my head a little more. No, I couldn’t think like that. She was family, and we fight for family no matter what. I pushed the anger I had to Lyric, it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t make all this happen. No telling what abuse she suffered. No, I wouldn’t be mad at Lyric, it was the Lessors and their damn leader that would feel my wrath one day. 

Pushing my dark thoughts aside, as the music of our family playlist hit my ears. I sighed softly, and my shoulders sagged some. Thoughts of the things I should tell my own mom. I knew I needed to talk to someone. I wasn’t sleeping, eating or feeding. Getting up and grabbing a glass of at least water, I set back. I had already told dad, mom had a right to know as well. It was just as hard to tell mom as it was dad. “Mom ...” I didn’t even look at her. I couldn’t look at her. “I need to tell you something.” I knew that I would start to show, and there would be no hiding it at all. Taking a big drink from my water. “I’m ...I’m ...” Scribe why did this have to be so damn hard. I always thought that Baldassare would be with me when I did this. With no emotion, I finally say it. “I’m with young …” I didn’t look up to see what her reaction would be. @Mary_M_Luce

Mary: [Finally. I inwardly sigh as she doesn’t seem happy to tell me. No emotions at all. This was supposed to be a joyous occasion but with the loss of a mate … it was bittersweet. 

I wiped my hands on my apron and came over to stand beside her and waited until she looked up at me. It was her choice if we should hug … I wanted to but I didn’t want to push.]

Bitty. I’m so proud of you and so happy. We are going to welcome into the world a new part of you and Baldassare. Please remember that. I know these last few weeks have been really hard on you. It has for all of us. This miracle will help you live on … don’t you see that. Honey … you have a part of Baldassare inside of you that will live on even though his father isn’t here. Things happen for a reason and even though none of us can possibly fathom the grand design … we have to have hope that things are how they are meant to be. @EverlonginBits

Bitty: My eyes looked up to mom. I could tell that she wanted a hug, but I just wasn’t feeling it, I couldn’t. The last time I was happy about our young, the night that I lost Baldassare. It was the first time that we learned we were going to have young. He was excited, I was too. Hours later, I lost him. The only man that I loved. 

I listened to her words, what stuck me was when she said how they are meant to be. My hands balled up. Her words pissed me off. Looking down at my fists. “How dare you say this was meant to be.” My voice low and filled with anger. “That I have to carry the weight of his loss, that our young will never meet their father! He will never feel our young move, never see his young come into this world, never see his young take their first steps!” My anger filled eyes looked up to met hers. “Don’t talk to me about the grand design of this hell I live in day after day, night after night!” I didn’t mean to be this way to my mom. But I couldn’t help it, the words triggered something inside of me. “Until you live with a loss as of that of a bonded mate, don’t say something like to me!” 

I felt bad for saying that my mom. I just snapped. @Mary_M_Luce

Mary: [I was only slightly surprised at her vehemence and how she twisted my words, it was only natural after such a large loss. Anger. I knew she didn’t understand. I stepped away as I heard the timer go off and took the cakes out of the oven.]

Before you came to our family … before I met your father … I had cancer. I beat it and was in remission but when your father and I met … it came back, it's called a recurrence. You’re father and I just met … and at first I didn’t want him to see me like that … with the tubes, loss of weight and hair and many other things that come with the disease. My body could no longer take the chemotherapy as before so the end was something I knew was coming and coming fast. My diagnosis was bleak, the doctor’s couldn’t tell me how much longer I was going to live. Your father, blessed male that he is, wanted to be there even knowing I was going to go into the Fade. We had only known each other a handful of weeks but I had a chance to not be alone in the last few moments of my life. Then I was granted with the biggest gift to be given … life. I had a second chance to live my life.

[I placed the cakes on stands and let them cool a bit while I prepared the icing to decorate all the while trying to keep my own tears at bay at the memories.]

All I am saying as that you’re not alone, you have me and your dad … you have someone that is totally dependent on you. Someone who’s life if now in your hands. Solely. No one can help him/her but you. You have been blessed to have a child. Something I was not never meant to have myself until you. But I did not carry you within in for 9 or 18 months. I did not get to feel you move around inside me and grow into the beautiful child before you came to me. I missed the first 13 years of your life. You have a chance to feel your child grow within you and then see them as a baby, toddler and grow up. Yes, your hellren is no longer here, but that doesn’t mean he’s not looking down watching over you. It is not what happens to you that matters in life, but how you respond to what happens to you that matters. @EverlonginBits

Bitty: 

Sighs shaking my head. I knew the story. More than anyone. I was told the story of how they met each other, what they went through and how they are now able to stay together. Until mom wants to walk into the Fade to be with dad. 

I wasn’t myself, everyone knew that. I didn’t care who hurt, deep down I felt for them. However, there were only a few that understood what I went through. The ones that lost a mate that they had bonded to. To have that ripped away, words would never be able to tell how those males and females felt. Mom would always be with dad no matter what, even when he passes unto the fade, he will have her and she will have him. I have to have the years upon years, without the one I loved more than anything in this world. 

I could smell her tears, I knew she was living memories no one wanted to live again. I stopped what I was doing. I stood up, as I placed my hands on the counter. “Tell me how you would know how it feels to lose a mate? You can go into the fade, you wouldn’t have to live a hell like I have. I do understand where you’re coming from. But you don’t really know what you speak of.” Taking a deep breath, I wanted to hug my mom, but I didn’t. I wanted to wipe away the tears that wanted to fall. I just couldn’t do it. 

“I’m doing the best I can! I can’t make this pain stop, I can’t force myself to eat, let alone feed. Everytime I think about the young that grows within me. I hurt worse! He is going to miss everything! Yes, I have my family around me. But no one can walk this path for me. I have to live with the fear, me or my child might not make it! That I’ll lose the last of my hellern! Not everything can work out! Not everything will be ok!” 

It almost all spilled out of me. But I stopped myself. Locking my jaw, not saying another word. @Mary_M_Luce

Mary: [I could feel her vehemence through her words and decided that perhaps I could not console her after all. Though she is my daughter … clearly perhaps I was not the right person for the situation. It broke my heart to see her this way knowing it seemed that I was just making the situation worse. We have lost so many these past decades. It has been difficult knowing that it could happen to anyone. Then there’s Lyric and the brainwashing that the Omega had done her. These past few days have been so hard on everyone. Physically and emotionally.

I merely nodded.] You’re right.

[Then I turned to walk away, I could not let her see my tears as it would make her feel guilty and that would be so much worse. It was better for her to feel anger than guilt. So I quickly exited the kitchen and hoped that I could get to my room before anyone could see my tears as I quickly made my way to the staircase and down the halls.] @EverLonginBits

#WhenTheBowBreaks ImmortalSinners ISBDB IS BDB