#but here it is. my christine canigula insanity. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caus34concern · 8 months

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i'm tired of pretending that play rehearsal/theater isn't some sort of escape mechanism for christine and that she doesn't have a ton of underlying issues so here's this thing

an escape mechanism is a mental process which enables a person to avoid acknowledging unpleasant or threatening aspects of reality.

"I look around, and everyone's hurting. I wish there was something real I could do to make things better, but I don't know how. So I guess I'll just do theater."

christine's whole character revolves around play rehearsal/theater and her passion for it. when it starts, she's happy. when it's over, she's sad. basically, on a surface level, her entire personality is just being an eccentric theater kid. theater could just be a hyperfixation of hers since she does have adhd, but hyperfixation itself can also be a coping mechanism in the way that sometimes it leads to the avoidance of your problems and instead just causes you to turn to your hyperfixation as a distraction which is basically just escapism. she mentions doing similar when she talks to jeremy right before the pitiful children in the bway production.

for a more in-depth analysis on how and why it's an escape mechanism, it's basically just rooted in how christine wants things to be easy. she said so herself in voices in my head. and that's why she enjoys theater. because it makes her life easy. everything is planned out in a script and there's no uncertainty or pressure of having to decide what to do. she doesn't have to worry about making mistakes or sudden surprises or going off-topic into some tangent because everything is planned. if something happens in a play, it probably happened for a reason, and that reason ultimately usually leads to a happy ending.

another thing about theater she likes is acting. she mentions in a guy that i'd kinda be into that she doesn't relate to other people her age unless she's on stage which is basically just her indirectly saying that she feels disconnected to others and only feels connected when she's on stage. when she's playing a role. when she's acting as someone else. basically, she only connects with people when she pretends to be someone who she's not. in addition, she says in i love play rehearsal that the only time she gets to be the center of attention is when she's acting. there's also this line from the i love play rehearsal demo where she says that when she's being praised on stage she feels like she's in control but then remembers it's just the role she's acting which gives another example of how she uses theater and acting as an escape mechanism. she uses it to feel in control because, as mentioned previously, with a script she won't have to worry about what comes next. she feels in control knowing that everything will work out in the end, but then she remembers that that isn't actually her life and she's merely just acting out someone else's. so she actually isn't in control. her story doesn't have a script to follow or have an ending to be happy about yet.

now onto some of her underlying issues. acting and her lack of sense of self kind of go hand in hand. you know the phrase "losing yourself in a role"? yeah, take that but make it literal and that's christine. due to her often playing roles and acting as someone else, she loses her sense of self. and since she has no friends or at least isn't shown to have any, she has no way of telling what her "true self" is. maybe if she had a friend, they'd be able to tell her that she wasn't herself or that what she was doing was something she wouldn't usually try doing, but since she doesn't, she doesn't know what her true self is. she doesn't know herself outside of the role she acts. she doesn't know herself outside of theater which is practically her life. even jake fell in love with her acting rather than her. the reason jake liked her is because seeing her acting made him feel something and that's all it ever was. the reason they broke up is because "she wasn't juliet". christine was mostly reduced to and liked for her acting by jake. jake didn't like her for her.

and it's due to her lack of sense of self that makes her subconciously a people pleaser. she doesn't realize because she finds it natural to pretend to be someone she's not. she doesn't realize because she doesn't have a sense of self to begin with. christine mentions in i love play rehearsal that she wonders if she's living up to all she's meant to be. at first, maybe it's about her acting. something like am living up to the expectations of those around me? but with her previous issues taken into account, it might instead be am i showing people who i actually am instead of who i can be? jake said something similar himself in the bway version of upgrade. he asks christine when was the last time she tried something new that wasn't on stage. she's been limiting herself to a life on stage and grown used to acting as someone else to the point that she's never actually able to "live up to all she's meant to be".

ok that's it i just really needed to get this thing out of my system, and i hope this causes one less person to mischaracterize christine or water her down to an eccentric theater kid with adhd because that girl is so insecure and sad

#i've been wanting to make this for so long #i just kept procrastinating #but here it is. my christine canigula insanity.#please enjoy #be more chill #bmc #christine canigula #cause for rambles

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dragonairice · 2 months

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16 + jeremy heere :)

Oh my gosh you’re a genius.

Jeremy blinked. Then blinked again. The image in the bathroom mirror didn't change. At first he didn’t even notice anything was wrong, until he took a closer look and realised his reflection was taller than him, that it was wearing a cardigan he hadn't touched in weeks, and its hair was messy in a way the Squip would never allow. The reflection blinked - and wasn't that a weird sight - it tilted it’s head slightly in way that reminded Jeremy of a confused puppy; something he very much didn't do.

“Is this a Squip thing?” he asked after a moment of silence, no other explanation could make sense of this weird hallucination. The reflection pursed its lips, staying quiet. It scanned him up and down, eyes roving from his styled hair to the form-fitting shirt it lacked. It looked back at him, head tilted down slightly to make direct eye contact. “You still have the Squip?” It asked.

Jeremy suppressed a flinch when his reflection spoke back with his voice, he had been expecting it, sure, but that didn't make it any less weird. Instead, he stood up straighter, puffing out his chest like he was instructed to “Yes” he answered.

The reflection looked crestfallen, which didn't make any sense. It took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching its fists - something Jeremy wasn't allowed to do anymore, and let it out in a heavy sigh. “Look” it said “You’re not going to believe me- I know because I wouldn't believe me, but I’m you. I’m Jeremy Heere, a couple of months in the future”.

Jeremy blinked. Then blinked again. Then he laughed “You expect me to believe that?” he asked incredulously “Dude, I know my brain is weird but this is just insane”.

The reflection made a frustrated noise “It’s true!” it insisted “I’m you- just - look, ask me a question only you would know the answer to”.

Jeremy crossed his arms smugly “Trick question” he said haughtily “You’re from my brain, so anything I know-”.

“I automatically know too” the reflection finished with a smug expression “Isn't that what you were going to say?”.

Jeremy scoffed, ignoring the seed of doubt that lodged in his throat “That’s barely proof” he deflected “If you’re really me in the future, then tell me if you’re dating Christine Canigula yet”. If by some chance this really was him in the future- the Squip had definitely succeeded by then, right?

The reflection’s lip twitched, like it was laughing at a joke he didn't understand. “I’m in a committed relationship if that’s what you’re asking” it said vaguely.

Jeremy frowned “With Christine, right?” he pressed. The reflection smiled, saying nothing.

The boy sighed, massaging his forehead aggressively “If this is my psyche trying to tell me something” he grumbled under his breath “You’re not being very clear about it”.

The reflection laughed - that ugly wheezing sound that Jeremy detested. “I know you don’t believe it, but I am actually you from the future” it said softly. Jeremy looked up to see its mirthful smile had shifted to something more melancholic, something that looked disgustingly like pity “And there’s something I want to tell you so bad… but we’ve seen enough time travel movies to know that knowing the future changes it”.

“If you’re from the future” Jeremy said haltingly, tendrils of doubt slowly climbing up his throat “How are you here?”.

The reflection shrugged “Your guess is as good as mine, dude. I don’t remember this happening at all”. It looked him up and down again, frowning at his appearance (not that he could tell why considering he looked leagues better than the wanna-be in the mirror). It hummed contemplatively, giving him a sad smile.

He had officially had enough of this hallucination / fever dream / actual science-defying act of time travel. “I’m going to bed,” he announced.

The reflection nodded “Okay. You do that”. Jeremy turned around, fully intending on forgetting this entire interaction. A voice called out for him just as his hand reached the bathroom doorknob “One more thing. Just some advice? Don't lose Michael”.

Jeremy recoiled like he’d been slapped “What?” he demanded, whirling around to meet his reflection. Only, it looked normal. Styled hair, tight shirt, haunted expression-

God he looked like a mess, Squip would kill him for letting his appearance be so flawed. It was only then he noticed that the supercomputer hadn't said anything at all during that entire exchange. He shook his head, he was way too tired, he was going to bed.

He didn’t think about it at all the next morning.

Also bonus:

#TIME SHENANIGANS MY BELOVED #Sorry if it's bad I have an exam today so I'm ✨anxious✨#Frost Writes #Thanks for the ask!#be more chill #Jeremy Heere

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years

Audio

Over nine minutes of material here as Joe Iconis and Will Roland alternately provide explanatory introductions for “More Than Survive,” “I Love Play Rehearsal,” “Two-Player Game,” “A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into,” “Loser Geek Whatever,” “Halloween,” “Michael in the Bathroom,” “The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set A Fire),” “The Pants Song,” and “Voices in My Head.”

Transcriptions!!

Hey, I'm Will Roland from Be More Chill, and this next track, "More Than Survive," is from Be More Chill's original Broadway cast recording; it is our opening number where we follow our leading man, Jeremy Heere, as he travels throughout an average day at school. In it, we get to watch Jeremy get tortured by everyone around him, and also tortured by himself, and the voices in his head, and it really rocks! It's a lot of fun to do every night, and I hope that you have fun listening to it.

—

Hi, this is Joe Iconis, writer of Be More Chill, the musical, and this song is "I Love Play Rehearsal." Which is the first song that our leading lady, Christine Canigula, sings, and the song just sort of encapsulates her feelings on theatre, and on life—y'know, she's a character who's really excited about theatre at this moment in her life, and all she wants to do is express that excitement to anyone who will listen. And so, this is the song that sort of encapsulates her as a human being. And, uh, the performance by Stephanie Hsu is pretty spectacular. It won several awards in my amateur theatre awards that I hold, uh, every month in my own apartment. So, "I Love Play Rehearsal."

—

Hey, everybody, I'm Will Roland from Be More Chill—"Two-Player Game" is the buddy-cop fun friendship song on our show; features myself and George Salazar as Jeremy and Michael, these are two guys who are supremely uncool and—and supremely uninteresting, but the thing that they have is each other, and their friendship, and this is a song wherein we find them, uh, playing video games, and, uh, discussing life together. On the surface you might think, "Oh, this song is about video games," but this song is actually...about friendship.

—

Hi, this is Joe Iconis, writer of Be More Chill, the Broadway musical, and this is "A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into," sung by Stephanie Hsu and our incredible Be More Chill cast, and this song—it's a song that happens, uh, sorta towards the end of Act 1, and, uh, our leading lady, Christine Canigula, says that she has something that she needs to tell our leading man, Jeremy. And we think that this is going to be the sort of classic musical theatre love song, but what she, uh, lays on him is not quite that? Take particular note of the really, really cool orchestration done by Charlie Rosen; uh, this song is a song that could feel like a sort of very generic pop-rock tune, but it has so much character, uh, the instrument choice is so specific, there's such an undercurrent of technology in this song, even though it's kind of a bop.

—

Hi, everybody, I'm Will Roland! From Be More Chill. Uh, this next track, "Loser Geek Whatever," is from Be More Chill, the Broadway musical; it takes place at the end of Act 1, and, uh, in this moment we find our leading man, Jeremy Heere—he is alone onstage, and he has just been told by his SQUIP—uh, played by Jason Tam—the SQUIP, which is a supercomputer which is implanted in his brain and instructing him how to be more chill—the SQUIP has told him that in order to make this transformation and become the cool guy that he wants to be, he has to get rid of his best friend, Michael Mell, and leave his old life behind and become this person that, uh, that he thinks he's always wanted to become. My friend, Joe Iconis, often describes it as the—the "anti-Defying Gravity," because instead of singing about becoming yourself, he's singing about becoming someone who is not himself. This is: "Loser Geek Whatever!"

—

This is Joe Iconis, the writer of Be More Chill, the great big Broadway musical, and this song is called "Halloween." "Halloween" is our great big opener of Act 2; it takes place, unsurprisingly, at a Halloween party—the sort of ultimate suburban high school Halloween house party. There's debauchery, there's people dressed as killer clowns, it's sort of everything that you want and dread from a high school party. This song is notable because, uh, one of the main inspirations for the score of Be More Chill is the John Carpenter film, Halloween, and, uh, this song, uh, just completely stopped trying to reference it, and, in fact, it just stole its title! So here is..."Halloween," from Be More Chill.

—

Hi, this is Joe Iconis, writer of Be More Chill! The Broadway musical. This song is called "Michael in the Bathroom," it is a song that's—has been a lot of people's, uh, sort of gateway drug into the world of Be More Chill. The song takes place in Act 2, and, uh, the character of Michael Mell, who is the second banana character in our show, he's sort of the sidekick to the leading man, uh, Jeremy—Michael, uh, has been ignored by Jeremy up to this point in the show, uh, formerly his best friend—they have this big fight in the bathroom, Jeremy leaves his best friend alone in the bathroom, uh, and Michael, uh, depressed, and with this raging Halloween house party going on outside the door, sings this song, and the—the performance by George Salazar is one of the things that kinda catapulted Be More Chill from being this, y'know, sort of, uh, musical oddity that lived in the—the nether regions of social media, uh, to being, uh, a musical in New York City! Um, it's just one of my favorite performances of a song that I've ever heard, let alone one that I've written, check it out! George Salazar, singing: "Michael in the Bathroom" from: Be More Chill.

—

Hey, everybody! I'm Will Roland, from Be More Chill. This next track, "The Smartphone Hour," in parenthesis: "Rich Set A Fire," is a song that takes place in the second act of Be More Chill—it is this massive, uh, maximalist technicolor extravaganza. What happens is there's a big Halloween party, and then at the end of the party, uh, we see this one kid, Rich, um, sort of really—really, like, uh, tweakin' out crazy, and we're like, "Oh, is he okay?" And we find out, uh, in the first chorus of this song that Rich has, in fact, uh, committed a heinous act. And throughout we get to see all of the kids at school disseminate this information and—and share it amongst themselves, and it's really about, y'know, the way in which news and gossip can spread in the 21st century, and it's very much our homage to, uh, "The Telephone Hour" from Bye Bye Birdie mashed up with some 21st-century lunacy. As the song really ramps up, it becomes this sort of, like, pep-rally cheerleader situation, so imagine human pyramids, and people flying through the air, and—and air-raid sirens, and, uh, just the most insane experience you could ever picture in a theater. Transport yourself there, and it will really, uh, enhance your experience with "The Smartphone Hour."

—

Hey, everybody! I'm Will Roland, from Be More Chill. This next song, "The Pants Song," is, uh, sung in the second act of our show by the wonderful Jason SweetTooth Williams and George Salazar. It begins with Jeremy's dad, played by Jason; they've just had a big fight, and Jeremy's dad has realized that his son, Jeremy, who I play in the show, has really sort of gone off the rails—he's become this—this unrecognizable young man, and he realizes that he has been derelict in his duty as a father. And so, he decides, in one of my favorite lyrics of the 21st century, that "if you love somebody, you put your pants on." Because at this point in the show, he has literally not worn pants. At all. For the entirety of the play. And so this is a big moment where he decides to make a change, and he goes and enlists the help of Jeremy's best friend, Michael, and they decide that they are going to save their buddy. Here it is, from Be More Chill: "The Pants Song."

—

Hey, everybody, this is Joe Iconis, writer of Be More Chill, the Broadway musical. This song is called "Voices in My Head," this is our finale of our show, and it is sung by the leading man to end all leading men, mister Will Roland, one of my absolute favorite actors of all time, and I—I can't believe that I've been lucky enough to work with him on Be More Chill, and that I get to hear him sing the finale of my musical. It is the first song that I wrote after the death of the fella who wrote the original novel, Be More Chill, Ned Vizzini, and, um, y'know, Be More Chill is a show that's pretty wild and wacky and crazy and it's kinda easy to look at it and—and say, "Aw, this is this sorta goofy show about, y'know, technology and computers and high school kids," but it really is about something deeper, y'know—it's about how we struggle with anxiety and depression and how we deal with that, and "Voices in My Head" is the song that kind of most explicitly deals with that, right? It most explicitly talks about how, y'know, we all have issues, right? We all have voices in our head telling us what to do, uh, and the—the trick is to not make them go away, it's just to know which ones to listen to. So here is our celebratory finale, "Voices in My Head" from Be More Chill.

#resorting to a tumblr audio post...hmu if it's not working at all ugh #joe iconis #will roland #be more chill #bmc

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