#but also this is karmic retribution for Liam | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leigh-kelly · 5 years

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(More Hospital!AU)

The morning of Oliver’s doctor’s appointment, Santana is a nervous wreck. She hadn’t slept much the night before, getting up every hour or so to google something that she might want to ask Dr. Morgan, and the whole thing has her so close to the edge. This is her sin. The little boy she gave birth to way too early. If something is wrong with him, she feels like it’s all on her and she just doesn’t know how to cope with that. For her part, Brittany is so good. She gets up and lets Santana stay in bed—even though she’s not sleeping—and gets breakfast for Liam before the twins are even up.

It’s just a lot for Santana to cope with and she has no idea how she’s even going to manage the cab ride to the doctor’s office, let alone the consultation. She knows for a fact that Oliver isn’t developing as quickly as Max, she knows that everything is more obvious because he’s an identical twin and all she fears in the world is that Dr. Morgan is going to tell her that her son is not okay. Special needs she can handle, special needs is totally fine, but what if there’s something terribly wrong with her sweet little Oliver and he’s not going to be okay?

“Baby?” Brittany comes into the room where Santana lays with the covers over her head. “I know the boys are still sleeping, but I think we should get them up or we’re going to be late.”

“Okay.” Santana sucks in a deep breath. “I’ll wake them up. My boobs are killing me, it’s time for them to eat.”

Brittany is good. She’s so good and Santana wishes she could ever express to her just how much she means. She leaves Santana alone because she just knows that Santana needs her time to cope with her anxiety and leaning over the bassinet, Santana gently wakes up Max and Oliver. Oliver cries a lot when he wakes up, and it always hurts Santana’s heart to hear it, but once she has the two of them latched on and she leans against the headboard, she feels like it’s going to be okay. Oliver is strong, Oliver is amazing, and she shouldn’t have to worry about him when he’s so clearly going to catch up to his brother.

Santana spends a long time kissing Liam and Max goodbye when her mother gets there. She just never wants to spend more attention on one of the boys so she’s very careful to divide her love among them. When Oliver first came home, Santana had worried that Max wasn’t getting enough attention, but she’s corrected that, she’s tried so hard to make sure that just because maybe Ollie needs a little more, she’s not neglecting the other boys that she loves so much. Brittany is the love of her life, but Liam, Max and Oliver are something else, they’re the love she never believed she could have, they’re so much of her heart, and she never wants to make any one of them feel like she doesn’t love them as much as the other.

“Are you okay?” Brittany asks Santana, once they’re in the backseat of the cab with Oliver strapped to Santana’s chest.

“I’m so scared, Britt. I don’t even know how to control myself.”

“I’m scared too. But Dr. Morgan is the best neurologist in the city, which pretty much means the best in the world. She came so highly recommended by everyone at the hospital that I can’t be worried she won’t do what’s right by us.”

“I just never want anything to happen to our son. He had surgery so young...”

“I know, but he’s thriving.” Brittany squeezes Santana’s hand. “If we didn’t have Max to compare him to, we probably wouldn’t be worried.”

“But we do.”

“I know. And today he’s going to get an MRI and we’re going to see how much his brain is developing. You’re going to feel so much better after we do that.”

“I really hope you’re right.”

They get to the office and Santana paces the floor of the waiting room. She hates that Dr. Morgan is running late, she hates that even though their appointment is right when the office opens, she’s still not there. Brittany trues to calm her down but it just doesn’t work. She’s an absolute wreck and she won’t be settled until someone tells her that her son is okay. In moments like this, she hates being a surgeon, she hates that she knows about worst case scenarios and she hates that she’s been the one to tell them to parents. She’s afraid of some kind of karmic retribution that will take it out on Oliver and she kind of wants to throw up.

“Oliver.” The receptionist calls out and Santana wants to jump out of her skin. “Dr. Morgan is ready.”

Brittany carries Oliver into the exam room and Dr. Morgan is waiting there. She’s supposed to be the best neurologist in the city, but Santana sizes her up. She can tell that there’s a scowl on her own face that Brittany tries to soften with a squeeze of her hand but she just wants the doctor to know that she better do exactly what is right by her son. She’s a doctor, she’s not a parent that is clueless and can be taken advantage of. She doesn’t know if she accomplishes that all with a glare, but she sure hopes she can.

“Dr. Lopez, Dr. Pierce. It’s so nice to meet you.” Dr. Morgan extends her hand. “And Mr. Oliver, it’s so nice to meet you too.”

“We’re so glad you could see him.” Brittany speaks. “We know you have quite a busy schedule.”

“I know you were recommended by Holly Holiday, I’ve seen a few of her neonatology patients.”

“She did Oliver’s surgery.” Brittany tells her, while Santana remains silent. “And she says you’re the best.”

“I’m good at my job, but I don’t need the flattery. Why don’t I check Oliver out before we do an MRI?”

Dr. Morgan shines a light in Oliver’s eyes and he cries, making Santana flinch. She knows she’s made patients of her own cry with exams, but it feels different when it’s her own son. Brittany answers most of the questions about Oliver’s development, leaving out the comparisons to Max, while Santana stands over the baby and tries to make him feel better. When it comes time for the MRI, Santana holds back her tears when Dr. Morgan straps Oliver down. He keeps wailing and even with Santana and Brittany in the room, they can’t do anything to calm him. Brittany holds Santana’s hand and it’s the one thing anchoring her during the procedure which feels like it lasts hours. She knows this is just the first of many that he’ll need throughout his life and all that she can hope is that it will get easier as time goes on.

“Okay.” Dr. Morgan says when they are back in the exam room and Santana holds Oliver to her breast, comfort nursing him. “From the MRI, it looks like the brain bleed has healed really well.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.” Brittany breathes a sigh of relief and Santana looks up from the baby.

“His development is slow and that’s a concern for me. He’s too young for me to diagnose him, but I want to keep an eye on him, meaning you come see me every six months. Watch him carefully, I want to know if his limbs are stiff or if you notice any flopiness. I expect that his development will continue to be slower than his brother’s, but I suggest you don’t compare the two.”

Santana knows that Dr. Morgan is looking for signs of cerebral palsy in her son but can’t diagnose him at such a young age and she feels sick to her stomach. She doesn’t want her sweet baby boy to have a hard life and she’ll be damned if she doesn’t do everything in her power to make it easier. When they leave, she just feels so exhausted and as Oliver sleeps in her arms, she knows she wants to take him up to bed when they get home. She knows that she should talk to Brittany, but she also knows that her mind is racing and she just needs a little time to process.

Luckily for her, Liam and Max are napping when they get back in the house so she’s able to excuse herself from her mom and Brittany and go up to the bedroom. She lays Oliver on the bed beside her because she doesn’t want him far away and she actually manages to fall asleep like that, even if she has nightmares once she does. She knows that she tosses and turns but when she wakes up to the sound of Oliver’s cries, she lifts him into her arms and cries herself. He’s okay, he’s going to be okay, but the stress of the morning has really gotten to her and she just needs to release it.

“Hi.” Brittany opens the door. “I just wanted to come up and check on you.”

“I’m sorry I was useless at the appointment.” Santana sniffles. “It’s just hard for me to give up control to another doctor.”

“I understand that.” Brittany comes over and sits on the edge of the bed, leaning over to lift Oliver’s hair and look at his scar. “He has a long road ahead of him.”

“You know, my mom used to say that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I don’t know if I believe in God, but if there is one, I really think he’s given us a little too much.”

“You’re the strongest person I know, Santana. Even if you have really bad anxiety, I know you can handle a lot.”

“You had to watch Liam have skin grafts, we sat through his second surgery, you were there for my third. Now this perfect little boy, we have to watch him for what I know are symptoms of cerebral palsy. I’m so scared about it.”

“If he has cerebral palsy, we’re going to get him the best care there is. I’m not afraid of it.”

“You’re not?”

“He’s our son, are you going to love him any differently?”

“Of course not.”

“Then that’s what matters. Look at him, Santana, he’s perfect, you made these two beautiful things.”

“They really are something else, aren’t they?” Santana sniffles and looks down at Oliver.

“They completed our family. I know we didn’t plan for twins but I can’t imagine not having them.”

“Neither can I. No matter how tired I am or stressed about all the stupid stuff at work, I look at our boys and just feel so grateful.”

“Me too.” Brittany wraps her arms sound Santana and holds her close. “Do you want me to take him downstairs so you can keep resting?”

“No, I’m reading to see Liam and Max. I’m sure Max is hungry.”

“I gave him a bottle while you were sleeping, he’s okay. It’s nice out today though, maybe we can take a walk?”

“I’d like that a lot. I know Li has been itching to go to the park.”

“He’d be thrilled if you told him that.” Brittany laughs. “Let’s go.”

Santana hands Oliver off to Brittany, knowing she really hasn’t had the time to cuddle him that she has, and they go downstairs. Liam is coloring intently at the table and Max is sitting in his little seat, squeezing the stuffed giraffe that is attached to it. Santana kisses her Liam on the head and then she bends down to get Max, watching how he smiles at her. She loves that the twins smile now, she loves that she gets to feel their joy in her presence and she squeezes him to her chest, just wanting to feel him in her arms.

“Mommy Noodle, why was you sleepin’ in the day time? Do you have to go to work?”

“I don’t, Sir. I was just having a little rest. But now that I’m awake, I was thinking we could go to the park.”

“Yay! I love the park! I can show Ollie and Maxie all the stuff! Can they go on the slide with me?”

“They’re still too little for that, bud.” Brittany ruffles his hair. “But maybe by the time summer comes, they’ll be able to go on the swings with you.”

“Summer is in a long, long time.” He pouts. “It’s still cold.”

“It’s getting warmer and summer will be here before you know it.” Brittany promises him. “But for now, Max and Oliver will really like watching you play.”

“Mommy Noodle, will you go on the slide with me? I like it better than going alone.”

“If that makes you happy, then I’ll absolutely go on the slide with you.”

Together, Santana and Brittany get the boys ready for the park and each of them take a carrier with one of the twins. Santana has Max strapped to her chest and before they even make it to the park, he falls asleep. She wonders when they’re going to stop sleeping so much, even though she knows a lot about kids, it’s different when they’re her own, and when she looks over at Oliver, he’s sleeping too. Liam is wide awake though and he skips between them, so excited to finally be outside after what feels like the longest winter.

They get to the park and true to her word, Santana goes down the slide with Liam. Brittany, in one of her amazing moments of forethought, had thrown the double carrier in the diaper bag and Santana helps her situate the two sleeping babies in it before she goes off with Liam. It’s been so long that she’s just been able to play with him that it feels so good for both of them and she sees Brittany stand up to take pictures. Being out in the cool late winter air feels so freeing and after such a stressful day, Santana feels like she could cry in relief. Then, while she’s chasing Liam around, her phone rings in her pocket and she peeks at it to see that it’s Shelby.

“Okay, Liam, time out. It’s Dr. Shelby on the phone and I need to answer it.”

“Hurry up, Mommy Noodle, hurry up!”

“Li, give Mommy a minute. Why don’t I push you in the swing?”

“Okey!”

“Hello?” Santana answers, feeling really nervous to talk to her.

“Hi Santana, how are you?”

“Just a little out of breath, sorry, I was running around with Liam.”

“Is this not a good time? Do you want to call me back?”

“No, it’s fine, I’m here. What going on?”

“The lawyers met today, it looks like they’ve been able to reach a settlement. In the settlement, the Franks have agreed not to sue you personally and they get their money. I met with Sue this afternoon, and you’re cleared to come back to work. I know you’re supposed to be on nights this week, but—”

“Nights are fine. I had taken off today for Oliver’s appointment, but I can come back tomorrow?”

“You can come back tomorrow. I’m scheduling you to cover the emergency room like I’d originally planned.”

“Okay, I’ll be there. Thank you, Shelby.”

“Thank you for being patient while this whole thing was worked out. I’ll see you tomorrow before I leave.”

Santana hangs up the phone and she goes over to the swings where Brittany is somehow managing to push Liam, even with two babies attached to her chest. To make things easier, Santana steps in and takes over the pushing. Brittany looks at her, waiting for her to talk, and Santana takes a deep breath.

“They settled, they’re not going to sue me. I’m going back to work tomorrow night, so I guess I’ll adjust for just one night before the weekend and then I go back to days next week.”

“You lucked out on only getting one night, huh?” Brittany laughs a little.

“I lucked out in a lot of ways. My job is safe. God, Britt, I feel so much better.”

“I feel so much better for you.”

Once Liam is tired out from the park, Santana carries him home when he complains about walking. Brittany makes a pork roast for dinner and as tired as Santana is, she knows that she has to stay up so she can sleep during the day and be prepared for the night shift. She calls her mom, who is perfectly fine with coming back in such short notice, and then after they eat dinner, Santana and Brittany do baths and bedtime. Santana will still come upstairs to do the night feedings so when she does the last feeding before bed, she kisses the babies goodnight and smiles down at them. Liam falls asleep even before books and Santana can see that Brittany is fading fast too.

“I’ll stay up with you for awhile.” Brittany offers, though her eyes look exhausted.

“Don’t, you’ll be tired in the morning. I think maybe I’ll go to the 24 hour Target and buy things we don’t need to keep myself from falling asleep on the couch.”

“I’m glad you got a little nap in today, hopefully that helps.”

“I hope so, the switch is always the worst and to do it for just one night kind of sucks. Saturday is going to be hell.”

“We’ll have a low key day, you can sleep for awhile, I’ll take the boys somewhere in the morning.”

“You’re the best wife, I hope you know that.”

“I’ve just been there, I know it’s brutal.” Brittany shrugs then yawns.

“Go to bed, babe, I know you’re tired.” Santana kisses her lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Once Brittany is upstairs in bed, Santana goes outside to get a cab and goes downtown to Target. Married life is such a different experience than when she was single and worked nights and she laughs at herself as she puts dish soap and paper towels in the cart. She has a few hours before she has to feed the boys so she wanders aimlessly around the store, ending up in the clothing section. She stocks up on bigger underwear for Liam and then she finds herself looking at new clothes for him. The twins have so much, people sent so many gifts when they were born, but Liam is growing so fast that she can’t help but pick out new things for him to wear. She and Brittany love Cat and Jack, so she ends up putting a bunch of t-shirts in the cart before she’s off to stock up on diapers.

It’s one o’clock in the morning when she heads home and she leaves everything by the doorway so she can go upstairs and be there when Max and Oliver wake up. She sits on the edge of the bed, murmuring to Brittany to stay sleeping, while she feeds them and hums softly to them and then she goes back downstairs to start organizing everything she bought. She feels absolutely exhausted but if she can just stay awake until five, she’ll be in decent shape for getting some sleep during the day. The time finally comes and she feeds the boys one more time before she crawls into bed next to Brittany, tucking herself into her body. She’ll only get to sleep like that for an hour or so before Brittany gets up, but it’s totally worth it even for the short time.

She sleeps through the morning, not even hearing her mom or the boys downstairs, and when she finally wakes up, it’s two o’clock and her breasts are killing her from not nursing or pumping for so long. Santana brushes her teeth and washes her face and she throws on clean scrubs before she goes downstairs to see what’s going on. Liam is watching Paw Patrol and Oliver is in her mother’s arms while Max sleeps in the bouncy seat.

“Mommy Noodle, you sleepeded for so long! I already taked my nap.”

“I was pretty tired.” Santana laughs. “But I was thinking Ollie might be hungry.”

“He is.” Maribel hands him over to Santana. “I knew you’d be up soon, so I didn’t want to feed him.”

“Thank you for that, Ma. Hello, my sweet boy.”

Santana settles in on the couch to nurse and she watches as Liam shouts along with his show. It’s kind of weird for her, knowing that she won’t be around for bedtime tonight, but she knows she has to get over it. Shelby probably worked her shifts this week and it’s different for her as a single mom with an elementary age daughter than it is for she and Brittany who have each other.

“You must be excited to go back to work, mija.”

“I really am, I’m just glad you’re have this whole thing behind me, and Shelby has started looking for a new surgeon, so it’ll lighten the stress that’s been hanging over the department.”

“I’m glad to hear that. And you’re doing okay?”

“I’m getting by, honestly.” Santana sighs. “I have my moments, but it’s just part of who I am.”

“I don’t tell you enough, but I’m so very proud of you. You’re an amazing doctor and mother.”

“Ma.”

“Take the compliment.”

For the rest of the afternoon, Santana spends time with the boys. Liam yells when she has to go to work, but she promises him that they’ll have the whole weekend together and then she’s out the door. She figures she’ll get there early enough that she’ll have enough time to pop into Brittany’s office before she has to be in the ER and she’s glad she’ll be able to see her. She goes upstairs and Brittany is just packing up, undoubtedly anxious to see Liam and the twins and Santana leans on her doorframe.

“Hey you.” Brittany grins. “I’m glad I got to see you.”

“Me too, I wasn’t sure if you’d be gone.”

“I took a few extra minutes on my rounds tonight, one of my skin grafts isn’t taking is quickly as I’d like.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“Just watch it. It might have to be redone, but I won’t know for a few days. How are you? Are you rested?”

“I woke up around two, so I’m pretty rested. I know covering the pit means no time to sneak in a nap in an on call room, so I’ll survive.”

“I know you won’t sleep enough when you get home, so I’ll do the night shift tomorrow night with the boys so you can take a pill.”

“Thank you.” Santana comes toward Brittany’s desk and kisses her lips. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

“I’m sure we’ll be up.”

Santana goes down to the emergency room and gets started seeing possible surgical patients. Before long, she’s doing an appendectomy on a ten year old girl and after not being in surgery for the last week and a half, it feels good to snap her gloves back on. She thinks of all the overnights she used to work where she didn’t get to do a single surgery, so having one to start off the night feels good. After the Frank incident, she feels like an emergency appendectomy is exactly what she needs to get back in the game and it goes off without a hitch.

Once that’s done, the rest of the night is quiet and she finds herself counting the hours until she can go home. When she’s busy, she never feels that way, but since it’s dead, she just thinks of how nice it would feel to be sleeping beside her wife. When the night is finally over, she’s tired, more tired than she ever was when working an overnight shift before three kids, and she grabs her stuff and goes out on the curb to get a cab. She’s glad she doesn’t have the car, glad she doesn’t have to drive home in her exhausted state and she gives the driver the address and is glad to be home in fifteen minutes.

The lights are still out when she goes into the house and she’s surprised that at 6:30 none of the boys have woken up. She creeps up the stairs, trying to keep it that way, and throws on a clean pair of scrubs and takes a sleeping pill before she crawls in bed next to Brittany. Almost subconsciously, Santana thinks, Brittany pulls her close, and even though she knows very soon Brittany will be out of bed, she savors the time she has in her arms.

“Why won’t Mommy Noodle wake up?” Santana hears Liam screaming in the hall, hours later. “I want to see her now!”

“Li, she didn’t come home until just before we woke up, we have to let her sleep for a little while longer.”

“But it’s daytime and I already eated my lunch!” She listens as her gets increasingly upset, clearly at the point where he needs a nap.

“If you’ll take a nap, you can go lay with Mommy while she sleeps.” Brittany tells him and Santana smiles into her pillow, even as sleep threatens to pull her back under.

She feels Liam get into bed with her and she just pulls him close to her as she falls back to sleep. She knows she’ll have to wake up soon, but for as long as Liam is sleeping, she can remain in bed, content to dream. When she feels Liam stir again, Santana opens her eyes and just looks down at her perfect son, waking up from his nap. He’s definitely less grumpy than he was when he was yelling earlier and even though it’s late in the afternoon, she feels like she’ll have plenty of time with him until bedtime.

“Mommy Noodle, you ‘wake.”

“I am awake, Sir. Did you have a good nap?”

“I cuddled with you!” He grins. “I misseded you so much.”

“I missed you too, but we have all tonight and all tomorrow before I go back to work.”

“Look who’s up.” Brittany opens the door, holding both Max and Oliver. “Hi Mommy.”

“Hi, love. Hi, my sweet boys. Are you hungry?”

“I held off on feeding them, I thought you might be sore.”

“Thank you.” Santana smiles. “Come in bed with us, we’d snuggling.”

Brittany climbs up on the bed, passing the twins to Santana, and she pulls up her scrub shirt to start nursing them. Liam has his head against her shoulder and Brittany holds her hand and it’s just the nicest thing to be cuddled up with her whole family. Once she’s done nursing, Santana figures she should get up and brush her teeth and wash her face—though she doesn’t change out of her scrubs—and when she’s done, she takes Oliver from Brittany and they all go downstairs.

“I want hot dogs for dinner!” Liam declares and both Santana and Brittany laugh. He always wants hot dogs for dinner but they can’t comply <i>every</i> night.

“No hot dogs tonight.” Brittany tells him. “We’re going to have pork chops.”

“But that’s yucky!”

“Li, we talked about this, you have to try things.”

“But I like hot dogs!”

“Liam.” Brittany puts her foot down. “No hot dogs.”

Liam and Brittany argue a little while Santana takes the twins to do their tummy time. Oliver is getting a little better at it, crying a little less, and Santana appreciates that. She knows that he needs to build up his muscle tone and though she longs to scoop him up when he cries, she makes him stay on his stomach beside Max. She and Brittany have talked about it, and they know that the worst thing for him is to have his every whim catered to. Brittany had confessed to Santana that she’s wanted so badly to do it with Liam when he was small and healing but she’d done research that advised her against it. They’re sticking with that with the twins and even though it hurts Santana’s heart, it’s for the best.

“He’s doing better today.” Brittany lays down on her stomach beside Santana after Liam stalks off to the playroom, still mad about the hot dogs.

“Yeah, it’s just a little crying. I can handle that. I’m sorry I slept so late today, I really meant to get up but I was so wound up when I got in from work this morning that I had to take a pill.”

“Honey, you worked an overnight, you don’t have to apologize to me for sleeping.”

“I know, but it’s Saturday.”

“And we have Sunday. I’m just happy you’re back at work.”

“So am I. I know legal kind of sucks, but it’s settled, I don’t have to worry about my malpractice.”

“Good.” Brittany kisses her cheek. “I knew it would be okay.”

“I just didn’t know what to expect. It’s been such a tough few months, I kept imagining worst case scenario where I had to leave and lose the thing that keeps me sane. Or, one of the things that keeps me sane.”

“It’s okay that surgery is what keeps you sane. I think it does for me too. Cutting and fixing and being a hero make everything else fall into place.”

“I will tell you this though.” Santana cocks her head to the side. “Surgery used to be the only thing that made me happy. That’s not true anymore.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that.”

#brittana #hospital!au

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