#buda labyrynth

[berlinandback-blog]

Finding heart in a head full of muddle

Recommended music you should turn up loud and listen to with headphones Home Alone Soundtrack 

Introducing month 6 of my mid 20's potplant escaping, passion chasing adventure. Month number 2 of Deutsch learning had ensued and i decided it was high time for another holiday already right!? So after searching for that next destination to explore while over this side of the world, my wife :O (8 months into holy matranomy and it's still strange to say) and i found some super cheapster flights to Budapest. We spent 4 days perusing the cities cobblestoned streets and lanes, exploring underground labyrinths beneath castles, snapping photos of 'some pretty snazzy architecture' and even getting to know some of the good friendly local folk! Coming from New Zealand, i like to keep reminding myself while it lasts, of that nifty little perk having europe at my feet. As opposed to the simple yet modest charm of the Chatham Islands in my backyard.

Photos credits go to classic yet comical all american yankee

Back down to reality and on our first night in Budapest, we stumbled into a back-alley pub to escape that unforgiving winter chill and struck up conversation with a well proper english speaking gent sitting at the end of the bar. Originally from Britain, but having moved to Budapest 4 years ago, he was working in Budapest as an English teacher. 

As we all began to get ourselves acquainted through the art of small talk, he told us about his life goal of learning 10 languages before he hit the age of 50. Shifting his gaze sheepishly to the floor and with a tone of genuine self-disappointment he told us of how now at 46 years old he had only reached 8 languages fluently. Apparently the complexities of the Hungarian language had set him back. Eeeeem..uh hum... yeh look i'll admit i went a little rosy cheeked as i thought about my own struggles only months into learning my one other foreign language. 

As the next brewsky landed on the edge of the bar, small talk was over and done with and conversation swiftly became a little more unceremonious. He continued to tell us personal stories of his wild and wacky adventures through, it's safe to say, well over a grocery list of countries. As he continued to share his tales of languages learning, I suddenly noticed his open and relaxed composure stiffen and his eyes glaze over in an arrested look of despair as he said "honestly….you can really lose yourself learning a language." I sensed an ominous tone of warning in his voice and his words hit me in that sweet spot. The cold hard fearful sweet spot that is. Strong words, but even in my short stint of learning another language, i could relate to the isolation that comes with trying to communicate and express yourself in a new language.

My budapest encounter made me think about my recent experiment, finding my German character.  Unlike that funny quirky character we all know and love from that popular sitcom friends, my attempt at 'The German Chandler' left my ego suitably bruised and battered. But make damn skippy, i wasn't going to simply retire as the German character 'Zeemon, the painfully awkward, nervous guy Aus Neuseeland'. So i said to myself(internally in my head) Hey Simo! (that's what i call myself in my head, just to keep conversation casual and light) Lighten up buddy! Let's try exploring some more of the more quirky, creative and well…genuine self yea? 

Maybe it's just because i'm this hyper emotional song writing typa guy, but in my experience this far into language learning, gorging my brain with words and tables and rules just doesn't sit right! It all felt far too cold and calculated for my likings. Like computers downloading and spitting out data at the ready and to be frank, all this new information seemed to be sending my wired little mind into a bit of a frenzy. This way of learning lacked heart and imagination. So to counteract the anxieties of a racing head full of words and grammar rules. i used the second month to try and seek a little more heart.

Rickety ole rollercoaster riding at Berlin Weihnachts Markts before XMAS!

I'd made a couple of close friends during my time at "Deutsch School" and as usual, each 'stereotype' of people would generally stick to their groups. Old with the older generation, the polish with the polish and the NZ guy…floating democratically between them all.

The whole point of my language course is to help immigrants(like me!) integrate into Germany, which means that everyone is here to learn the language with the intention of finding work and settling down with their family/partner/cat/budgie.*(Yet another gem from Dennis in Accounts) Obviously my reasons for being in this course were a little different and so i found myself drifting round with the same pack of wolves between classes.

But even though Berlin might not be a place i intended on settling down in and we were all from entirely different backgrounds, i decided to try putting my own selfish indifferences aside and tried getting to know the rest of my classmates.

It's amazing what you discover when you allow yourself to put that pre-judgemental self on the shelf for a stint and dig just a little deeper under the surface of peoples lives. There was the humble pizza maker from Cuba just trying to find a secure job so he can keep his Visa and support his family, or the big friendly giant bank teller from Poland who came to Berlin for a change in his office routine(ya speaking my language!) , the young professional soccer player who has hopes of playing for German national team one day, or the hungarian massage therapist who probably hasn't slept in over a week from the stresses of trying to start up his own company here in Berlin. 

There was pain and struggle beautifully intertwined with that counter twist of hope and inspiration and as i began to hear more stories and ask more questions, i was surprised to discover an entirely different side of each of these people come to life. Like i'd flicked some internal switch. There was an illuminating warmth through each of their stories. I guess that right there is the touch of heart i was craving. 

Hughes Brothers attempting Christmas village style with Ricky tough guy 

These people had all come to a brand new country to begin a new life, navigating the challenges the best way they knew how and even though we couldn't use fancy words, or correct grammar to express ourselves, we still found that spark of human connection that we shared in our joint pursuit of learning this language.

I have one month to go until i sit the final B1 exam and i've got to admit, i'm beginning to feel the pressures of learning this language at such a fast pace sinking in. I could never have anticipated the amount of mental energy this language pursuit would take. But although there's been some truly hard work, with plenty of rises and falls along this yellow brick road, i feel confident that i'm finding some heart in a head full of muddle. I've almost finished recording a handful of some solo tracks and am working with that beauty of a wife of mine towards the release of our first joint creative eco friendly bow tie project at the beginning of 2013, both of which have helped keep me grounded.  

These latest lessons, have undoubtedly dealt their rewards and taught me that importance of always seeking that balance between head vs heart. Of reminding myself from time to time like a swift painfully human kick to the shins, that i'm not a machine.  More than that though, i'm learning patience, as i continue to take each unpredictable, stumbling step onwards.  

So as my one week december holidays begin, Mariah Carey christmas carols arrest my ears and i find myself once again back in that tiny village, of Wangelin(population count: 35), unwrapping Weihnachts Geschenke with my bro and wife's extended family, watching Home Alone(1 AND 2) and sipping that soothing warmth of Glühwein. It couldn't be any further from that radiant sunshine and hissing snarlers on the BBQ back home amongst close friends and family. But that glimpse of snow, Christmas Markets, candles and german feasts has brought a whole new experience of Christmas to life and i can honestly say, in the fitting words of that kiwi hit by The Swingers there ain't no place i'd rather be!

Fröliches Weihnachten und Rutsch ins Neujahr!!

A snap with dirty Deutschy Father Christmas and the family

#buda labyrynth #deutsch #learning #heart #budapest #berlin #glühwein #hughes brothers #weihnachts markts