#btw anon i think this might be why you're asking but? i wrote abt it on my sideblog ginghamcheckers

[buildacatboy]

Gimme your Vault Boy headcanons

grin. this is a dangerous dangerous question anon.

but ill try to answer with one or two. ah.. hm how do i start this. i like to think of vault boy as living in his own vault boy style universe. but i like to think that the tapes we see are just recorded and that he is in fact an actor. Obviously not in the primary "realistic" fallout universe like obviously he is just animated, but in my mind there's another universe where everyone just looks like that and he's a straight up dude!!!

is he good at being an actor? Kind of. Is he a total monster like every celebrity? 100%. would he cannibalize someone after the end of the world? Without a doubt. i think he's a terrible fucking person but he has whimsy and a silly nature that make him fun to watch, even if he is a terrible terrible person. i think he has awful ego issues from the vault tec limelight too and like a fucked up contract where he basically sold his soul away for a company that does not care about him outside of branding purposes. i think if he was alive post nukes he would do everything in his power to ruin their image because he feels like his life was ruined since he actually survived the nukes to begin with, and now he's got nothing left other than the memory of a company who completely fucked him over by making him the face of some of the most horrific crimes ever...

#vault boy #fallout #hc #btw anon i think this might be why you're asking but? i wrote abt it on my sideblog ginghamcheckers #i am writing a webseries/show about vault boy so sometimes i forget how disjointed my ideas about him- #-really are from what we Actually know about vault boy even as a fallout conceot #*concept #and ahhhhh well. grins. my version has a lot of fun story if youre down to hear but its like a lot. so. up 2 u #asks #anonymous #beebysodes #beebysode #oh and additional note this isnt how Ive written vault boy in my stuff but it is like. very similar. #this is just general hc stuff

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

#answers

[domjaehyun]

omg i’m the anon who sent u the six thirty ask and ma’am. jeno fic…. BARK BARK i’m down bad for 00 line rn send help. also just abt haechan like WHY IS HE GETTING IN MY HEAD AND HEART RIGHT NOW !!!! FOR FREE TOO SO DISRESPCTFUL. he is just sooo good at singing i want him to serenade me and on top of that HES CLEVER AND WITTY AND FUNNY ??? why does he have it all i’ll literally die. btw. positions literally my favorite ari album like it has some type of hold on me like idk why but that album … every song …. ari put her whole pussy in that she ate it tf up. and idk y’all she wrote that for me and tumblr user domjaehyun only the rest of y’all stay safe. and what do you mean ‘yes you can ask which ones i’m switching to haechan if you’re curious.’ YOU KNOW IM CURIOUS. hand over precious secrets. ugh I’M SO EXCITED TO SEE ALL THE NEW THINGS YOURE GOING TO WRITE !!!! you’re so talented i literally can’t wait i wish you all the luck in writing them because i am going to be dropping everything to read them whenever they come out. I HOPE YOURE HAPPY WITH EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND ARE TAKING CARE OF URSELF WHILE U DO SO NO RUSH BABEY ITS ABT WHEN YOU WANNA DO IT !!

:D HI HI I'M HAPPY YOU'RE BACK I LIKE YOU HJSDFKLGJ

i am ... into jeno ... i like him ... or whatever ... 🙄 ugh... BARK BARK IS RIGHT BABY I AM BARKING WITH YOU IN SPIRIT !!! no for real haechan is actually fucking with my life it is approaching brainrot levels . i saw a gifset of him earlier (i rbed it to my other blog) and i . am not kidding when i say this mf literally had me staggering and stumbling in the middle of rite aid while waiting to pick up meds... he makes me SICK i want him. i want him so bad i'm going insane (ended up putting this under a cut bc . this got long.......apologies)

HIS VOICE- please i really might start crying . might do that for real . he has my absolute favorite voice in all of nct.... HOLO WHEN? GIVE IT TO ME. PLS . P L E A S E . he's got such a unique voice oh m y g o d. i'm going to cry ple a se. oh god

NO FR HE'S SO FUCKING SMART HE'S SO . *SOBBING* I NEED TO BE HELD RIGHT NOW WTF LIKE . listen also i just think it's important to note that like . he's funny IN KOREAN to me. yes he's said funny shit in english too but like . he says shit that is just like . Fucking Funny. he has an elite sense of humor i think like truly bc it can transcend language & culture and im like . fuck ... that's so hot ... do you know how fucking intelligent you have to be TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH IN A DIFF FUCKING LANGUAGE THAN THEY SPEAK? he's got also like a very physical humor to him i think like that's also so sexy and admirable he's so expressive ... in love with him truly he's so fucking fine what the FUCK

ALSO YES. IMPECCABLE TASTE. also fr i rly do think i like . fw ariana heavy......... like i rly rly do i love her vibes as a person and i love her music and her talent i just adore her sm oh my god. ASFDJGFKD she did this for us 💖 everyone go listen to smth else rn . KIDDING i want her to get all the clout & money she deserves oh my god. ALSO WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG FROM THE ALBUM 👀 OR LIKE I GUESS YOUR TOP FAVES / A RANKING OR SMTH !!! i am curious hehe

and omg okay I DIDN'T WANNA JUST LIKE . INUNDATE YOU WITH INFO YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR JKSGFKFJK JUST WANTED TO BE . SURE YOU ACTUALLY CARED YKNOW !!! but omg okay so . the two fics i'm considering changing to haechan fics from that collection are: obvious from the original collection (currently a lucas fic) & pov from the extended collection (currently a kun fic) ...and ngl i am tempted to also change love language from the original collection too (currently a xiaojun fic) but like . i'm on the FENCE !!! like i like haechan s o much ... but i don't wanna like . idk . make my positions collection like The Haechan Show (even though like. it fucking should be. he deserves it i think) esp bc that wasn't the original plan :( like what if all the fans of the members i was GONNA write about got all excited for the fics and then . i let them down :(

SIDE NOTE I ALSO JUST NOTICED ALL THREE OF THE FICS I WANNA CHANGE TO HAECHAN ARE ALL ABT WAYV MEMBERS I'M SO SORRY THAT REALLY WAS NOT DELIBERATE SJDFGKD haechan is just someone that feels SO versatile to me ... like he can do it all... it's remarkable ...

hhHHHHhh i think whenever i start working on them i might like . do a lil poll and see if ppl would be like . genuinely upset abt it or like . how ppl feel in general .... note: i'm still probably gonna end up doing what i want...bc that is just how i roll 💖 but i would def like want an idea of how it might be received yknow?

SORRY BABY I RANTED AT YOU JDKFGLKSD in my defense... it's your fault . it's not my fault you have thoroughly enjoyable vibes 🙄 THANK YOU SO MUUUUCH THANK YOU IM HAPPY YOURE SO SUPPORTIVE AND EXCITED :D I HOPE YOU LIKE THE STUFF I'M WORKING ON!!! in my mind i am giving u a v big hug (if you want it) bc i like you okay moving on la la la gonna shut up now

#answered #anon