#both sides can get pretty damn insane & exhaustin

[gurorori]

im really sad thinkin abt some of my friends

#its really heartbreakin to me realisin most likely thejr support for me is entirely conditional on how weird i am #for things i find comfort in #i spent years forcin myself into takin a side #n takin the 'morally correct' stance #n well im tired of it. in fact i discovered dat bein true to things my fucked up psyche wants me to indulge in #gives me comfort. makes me feel better. helps me process my trauma in a way dats not invasive to me personally& dat i have full control of #im really so distraught dat ppl care more abt bein holier than thou than actually bein understanding toward survivors of awful awful things #like i dont care abt the proship discourse #i necer could n i never will #but unless i put out a statement ill 100% get harassed #n its happened before #both sides can get pretty damn insane & exhaustin #i feel so alone n alienated in my experiences #ive always loved the macabre n dark content i find immense solace in it #findin out a way to combat our intrusive thoughts & trauma in general thru controlled environments in which we can reassess them #has actually been great!! its helped me actually progrwss with gettin less triggered by keywords dat i Need to get used to in order for us #to have a smootj recovery #i think at least #i know my limits by now though n i cant stomach everythin under the sun! im picky n i mostly indulge in things dat r very specific to #our traumas #n i feel SICK havin to cry my heart out n explain myself to sm1 jus so i a literal victim don get called a freak #im sorru this id obviously a very heavy ventttt.. i have nowhere else 2 go fr. lol. #i feel like ppl hate me jus for existin