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thisisnot-chris · 3 years

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No story is perfect.

Never in a million years would I have thought my life's journey would turn out the way it has these past 29 years.

I remember growing up imagining what my life would be like after high school - wanted to be a meteorologist, thought I'd graduate college, have a wife and kids, you know... a "traditional American life".

Fast forward about a decade after high school - college wasn't for me in the long run, figured out I'm gay, and am now working in the music business - concert venue by day, producer by night.

Didn't see that coming.

Now obviously this didn't just happen out of nowhere - it came after years of working on a craft I never imagined I'd put my time into, putting myself out there after being a super shy little punk for so long, learning so many lessons the hard way, and connecting with so many people I never thought I'd meet. Through it all, I discovered what my life's passion is - to create genuine and authentic music listeners can feeling intense emotion from while bringing people together through it.

It's funny to look back on this because I HATED doing music related things when I was a young kid, from piano lessons, to choir practice, to playing the alto sax. But all it took was one moment to change my perspective on it and end up devoting my life to it.

That moment was during my junior year of high school.

An old friend that just transferred to my class from another school caught my attention when I discovered he was practicing guitar after school in an empty classroom while I was waiting for the school bus to pick me up and take me home. I wish it took longer for the bus to come because he was INCREDIBLE and I wanted to sit and listen endlessly. Imagine being 16 and playing Metallica's "Master of Puppets" spot on; that's what he could do alongside so many other songs. Pantera? Megadeth? Ozzy? Van Halen? Slayer? He could take it all on. (Fun side fact - I got to perform Aerosmith's "Dream On" and Ozzy's "Crazy Train" with him for our high school graduation and I WAS THE SINGER - definitely not a rock vocalist when I look back on it but it's a memory I still cherish today).

So that moment and hanging around him shortly after convinced me to try out the guitar.

And then a couple years later, it led me to try songwriting.

And finally during my freshman year of college, it led me to electronic music production (Thanks to Skrillex's music blowing up at the time).

Not what I expected but it got me somewhere thanks to my old friend.

Unfortunately he is no longer with us today; hearing that news back in my junior year of college crushed me. The impact he made on me is something I wish I could thank him for today. I ended up carrying the impact through an alias I made years ago.

That alias is Full Metal Jackson, or as a lot of people have come to know the name as now, FMJ.

It was conceived in 2013 as an ode to him and combines two things he loved in the name - his favorite movie "Full Metal Jacket" and his Jackson guitar.

Since that year, I spent endless hours on learning music production and songwriting (alongside learning music theory and aural skills from college at the time) so I could take my best shot at writing music I liked and could then share. That early music would range from dubstep, electro house, progressive house, future house, tech house, tropical house, big room, future bass, jungle terror, drum & bass, trance, moombahton, and other various styles.

While the skills for writing/producing music consistently built, the real challenge at the time was the matter of sharing it with others; even just a few people.

Of course I'm still gonna make music because I like it but I strive for something with music I share - if one person can get something positive out of what I wrote and shared, I'll be satisfied. If it took my old friend to just play guitar in an empty classroom to impact me that much, imagine what could happen if it was me playing the music for someone else.

But still, sharing music (or more specifically electronic dance music) in my small hometown of Neenah, WI... well, no one in that town was really into that kind of music (or at least who I knew and associated with at the time). Nothing wrong with that but I felt stuck from it. As 2016 hit, I stopped publicly sharing music for about 2 years because of this stuck feeling.

Around that same time though, a long period of self discovery began. Who was I and what did I want to do with my life? During it all, I met so many different people, travelled to different places (even out as far as Toronto, Canada), and found out there was more out there for me.

2018 comes and I got convinced to check out concerts that I didn't even know were happening in this state (thanks to my close friend Spookybro who I met when working at this e-commerce company selling toothbrushes in Neenah). I got to meet even MORE people but this time they had similar interests and love in the music I was so enveloped in for the longest time. Next thing you know, I start playing some small shows that summer and then shared music again publicly for the first time in years that September (the song was called "Number One", which I wrote for two good friends that got married that same month). More opportunities then came when I moved to Madison, such as playing opening slots for all kinds of international touring acts ranging from Downlink to Eptic to Tisoki (even got to perform with him for a B2B on stage); more music came from it that I still love today and I was able to share it with more people and see positive impacts made on some. There was even one song called "Snake Jazz" I released that (I felt) got a significant amount of attention in the underground scene; it even got support from names I've come to love like ATliens, Blanke, Eliminate, Crankdat, and more. Obviously it's not like I became some superstar making hundreds of thousands of dollars while being signed to some major label or agency from any of these opportunities and experiences, which that's not what I'm after, but it was still crazy when looking back on it.

That's where life led me with music.

Never thought that would happen.

Yes, there were tons of rough times, low points, and challenges during it all. Friends were lost. Relationships were put on the line. Periods of intense stress, anxiety, even depression set in. It even came close to a point of ending my life from a struggle I faced I've shared about too often during that all, but it and nothing else ended up stopping me in the long run.

And from everything I've gained from that entire period, I wouldn't change it ever.

But during 2020, I came to a point where I asked myself an important question - is this what I want to do with music and my life in the long run?

...

So while the pandemic took the world by storm, an opportunity came for me to find out what I was meant to put out there.

And after writing music for over 11 years now...

I finally found my sound.

This opportunity let me take everything I have come to love throughout my life, such as different kinds of music (Porter Robinson/Virtual Self, Illenium, Seven Lions, RL Grime, Skeler, The Prodigy, The Crystal Method, Pendulum, Linkin Park, etc), to different kinds of shows/games/toys (Pokemon, Bionicle, Cowboy Bebop, Fullmetal Alchemist, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Death Note, Halo, Portal, etc), to nature/outdoor settings (sunsets, cityscapes, skyscrapers, etc), even to different colors (blue, orange, purple, pink), and combine concepts based on them all in various ways to make a sonic identity that is truly me. It may not be the most innovative identity at this point, but it is 100% me. Not to mention I'm always one to try different things and experiment, seeing if something new can come forth and grow exponentially from where this starts.

Which it all starts tomorrow, July 14th, 2021.

And while I'm beyond scared to reveal it all, I'm excited nonetheless.

Funnily enough, I originally planned on launching this project in September 2021 but an opportunity was given to me (thanks to my friend Synymata) pushing up the launch date; now from it though, the project's debut release will be on a well-known EDM record label I am happy to be a part of now. Guess it ironically ties into the name of the project a bit.

But knowing this is the point I'm at currently from looking back years ago is insane to me and I can't wait to see what could come from it.

As I said before, I'm not trying to be some superstar but I'm obviously gonna try and take it as far as I can. Even if there's days or even weeks where nothing productive comes from my sessions, I can't let it stop because I'll never know what could happen from it without trying. Maybe something unbelievably crazy will happen. Maybe it will take me to cities and countries I never imagined to see with my own eyes. Maybe it will connect with new people I end up calling life long friends. Maybe I'll meet the love of my life along it all.

Or maybe none of this will happen.

I honestly don't know.

But I'm never gonna know unless I try.

That's the mentality that changed my life for the better within the past few years than if I didn't approach matters like that.

And it has and/or could for those reading this too with that mentality depending on the situation.

Yes, mistakes were still made; lessons were learned. And they continue to be made and learned from. The same can apply to anyone reading this.

But it's all part of the journey.

It's not perfect.

It's inconsistent.

It's not a smooth straight line - it's rough, jagged, and curves in many different directions.

It's broken.

But, for me at least, I wouldn't have it any other way. All the memories made; the realest and most genuine people I've come to call friends; the family I am fortunate to have; the lessons learned; the skills gained; the experiences; the happiness, sadness, anger, confusion, ALL the emotions and feelings that came from them. All of it was worth it.

Crazy how unexpected moments whether in high school or at some e-commerce job you're working at can change it all for the better in the long run; they basically shaped my story into something why better than I could’ve imagined.

So if you're reading this and feel your story isn't what you had in mind so far - your story isn't over til' you say it is. You'll never know what it could be unless to give something a shot. Getting that new job, going on that trip you've dreamed of, finally asking that crush out; you never know unless you give it a shot. Of course everyone's life is different and situations aren't all relatable, heck you may not take on the opportunity once it appears and that could be better for your story too!

Regardless, whenever an opportunity comes, you'll know what will be best to do.

In the end, the story will continue til' you say so. And I feel it is best to keep telling that story for as long as you truly can.

Hey, like I said, no story is perfect. Ever.

But the best stories aren't all "happily ever after fairytales".

The best I feel are the ones that you get something positive out of.

They TEACH you; INSPIRE you; make you FEEL; CHANGE you for the BETTER.

They give you this indescribable feeling that lingers over you that you can't seem to shake off at first and it may even feel scary at times but after it subsides, you know something good happened to you from it.

Those are the stories that define you.

And what more could you want than to share them alongside that indescribable feeling and so many other emotions with someone else in this life.

In this journey.

This saga.

That's what this new project is all about.

And you're all welcome to be a part of it.

This Broken Saga.

#brokensaga #nostoryisperfect

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